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Jamie’s fascination of bugs started on a random Tuesday in May, right after he turned 3, well, close to 4.
Belly had been trying to get him to put on his Velcro shoes for the past ten minutes but Jamie was frozen in a deep squat on the back porch, staring at a crack in the concrete. When Belly finally knelt beside him to investigate, she found her son nose-to-nose with a solitary, extraordinarily slow-moving fuzzy caterpillar.
“Mama, look.” Jamie whispered, his voice dripping in awe.
From that exact moment, the trajectory of the Conklin-Fisher household shifted. Most three-year-olds were obsessed with legos, cars, trains, among all sorts of things but Jamie’s heart belonged entirely to the underbelly of the backyard. He, not just liked, he loved bugs; he respected them. He viewed them as their tiny, misunderstood neighbors who probably just wanted a good HR manager. (in Conrad’s defense, he actually didn’t mean to step on a snail once, which resulted to Jamie crying for the entire day, refusing to eat his dinner while accusing his dad of being a ‘snail killer’)
By the time he was four, Jamie’s vocabulary had adapted to his passion. He didn’t just say "spider", it was a "silk-weaver." And ants weren't pests; they were "the construction crew."
Conrad quickly learned that mowing the lawn was no longer a simple weekend chore; it was a high-stakes rescue mission. Before the lawnmower could even be rolled out of the garage, Conrad and Jamie had to perform what Jamie called the "Cut Patrol." Armed with a plastic bucket and a twig, the father and son would walk lines across the grass, gently relocating grasshoppers, beetles, and bewildered snails to the safety of the flowerbeds.
"We have to move them, Daddy," Jamie would explain solemnly, wearing a pair of oversized plastic safety goggles he insisted were necessary for field research. "They can’t hear the mower.”
Conrad never expected to find himself sitting on his stomach in the dirt, gently coaxing a stubborn stinkbug onto a dandelion leaf. He also became an expert at building "Bug Hotels", which are really just intricate structures made of old brick, some hollow bamboo, and rolled-up cardboard that they placed in the quietest corner of the yard.
Belly’s patience though, was tested in different, more domestic ways. Namely, the pockets.
Washing Jamie’s laundry became an archaeological dig. She learned the hard way to thoroughly inspect every single pocket of his cargo shorts before putting them in the washing machine. On any given day, she might find three smooth stones, a half-eaten cracker, and a very dizzy but very much alive pillbug.
"Jamie, sweetie," Belly said one afternoon, kneeling down as she gently transferred a rolly-polly from his pocket back to the garden. "Remember our rule? Bugs like the fresh air, not the dark pocket cave."
Jamie looked down at his shoes, his lower lip doing a little quiver, "I know, Mama. But he looked lonely. I wanted to show him my room."
"I know," Belly smiled, kissing the top of his head. "But his mommy is probably looking for him. Let’s leave it outside so it can go home for dinner, okay?"
For Jamie, that was his magic. He genuinely believed he was their guardian. If he found a moth flying dangerously close to a lampshade, he would stand beneath it, clapping his hands gently to guide it toward the open air, chanting, “Go, go, go. Fly to the moon, little friend.”
When Jamie turned five, his grandma Laurel gave him a heavy, professional-grade magnifying glass. It became his most prized possession. He wore it on a lanyard around his neck like a tiny detective.
One chilly autumn morning, Jamie found a honeybee shivering on the kitchen windowsill. It was late in the season, and the poor thing was clearly exhausted and losing energy. Jamie ran to Belly in a full panic. "Mama! A sky-worker is broken! She's not buzzing!"
Belly, remembering a video she had seen online, mixed a few drops of water and sugar onto a tiny plastic bottle cap. She and Jamie carried it to the windowsill. Under the careful gaze of Jamie through his magnifying glass, they placed the sugar water right in front of the bee.
They sat there in total silence for five minutes.
Then, the bee’s tiny long nose extended, and it began to drink. Jamie’s eyes went completely round grabbing his mom’s hand, squeezing it tight. Within a few minutes, the bee warmed up, buzzed its wings a few times, and flew out the window.
Jamie looked up at Belly as if she had just performed actual magic. "We saved her, Mama. We're a team."
As Jamie grew toward his sixth birthday, his fascination for the creatures didn't fade, moreso, it became sophisticated. He started checking out books from the school library, memorizing facts to share at the dinner table. Conrad and Belly learned that fireflies use flashing patterns to talk to each other, and that ladybugs bleed from their knees when they get scared; a fact that made Jamie promise never to startle one.
When his parents gave him the baseball bat for his seventh birthday, bugs were still a part of his world.
He held the shiny metal bat, looked out the window at the backyard, and turned to Conrad. "Daddy, do you think if I hit a ball into the deep grass, it will scare the grasshoppers?"
Conrad laughed, and ruffled his son’s hair, "We’ll just make sure to do a Cut Patrol before we practice batting, okay?"
"Okay," Jamie beamed.
In school, Jamie is now the official "Creature Relocator" of his third-grade classroom. Whenever a spider dares to walk across the whiteboard or a beetle wanders into the room, the other kids don't scream, and the teachers don't panic. Instead, they just all call for Jamie.
“Jamie, there’s a spider near my window. Please help.” Natasha, one his classmates, tells him.
“Okay, I’ll be right there.” Jamie scoops the intruder into a plastic cup, whisper a little reassurance to it, and walks it safely out to the school garden.
Now, at eight-years-old, well almost; its five days before his actual birthday, but he does consider the entire week as his birthday.
Jamie had spent the entire year since his seventh birthday executing a flawless, highly strategic campaign for his next gift.
He had set his sights on the holy grail of the insect world (for him): a Rhinoceros Beetle.
For twelve months, Jamie’s persuasion tactics were funny, to say the least. Belly would pack his school lunch and find a sticky note inside reading: “Did you know Rhino Beetles can lift 850 times their own weight? That’s like Daddy lifting 6 elephants. Please say yes.”
At dinner, Jamie would casually mention that beetles don’t have dander, don’t bark at the mailman, and most importantly, their poop consists of dry, odorless little pellets that look like crushed wood.
“So that Neni wouldn’t confuse it as chocolate.” he reasons.
Jamie had excellent marks at school, rarely gets in trouble plus he ‘keeps his room clean’, if by picking-up-loose-socks-and-throwing-them-in-the-hamper means clean; so, they said yes.
Four days before his birthday, they surprised him with tickets to the Annual Insect Convention.
(The author is usually immune to loud noises, but if you guys could only hear how loud Jamie screamed, you would have covered your ears too.)
“THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!”
Which brought them today; a bright, sunny Saturday morning, exactly two days before Jamie’s eighth birthday. The whole family packed into the car and drove to the convention center for the Annual Insect and Exotics Expo.
The car ride was anything but quiet. Jamie was bouncing in his seat, holding a book about bugs, his magnifying glass weighing heavily around his neck.
"Did you know," Jamie announced loudly to the front seat, "that a dung beetle can push a ball of poop that is ten times heavier than itself? That’s like you pushing a whole school bus with your feet, Dad!"
Conrad gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, staring straight at the road. "That is... a very,” he sniffs, “specific skill,” and clears his throat, “…buddy. Let's hope they keep the poop beetles behind very thick glass, huh?”
"Me see shiny ones!" Ines kicked her feet, making her sneakers flash red and blue against the back of Belly’s seat. "Shiny bugs!"
"We will see plenty of shiny ones, sweetie," Belly said, laughing as she turned around to hand Ines a juice box. She glanced over at Conrad, who was unusually quiet. "Right, babe? Aren't you excited to see all the cool, creepy, crawly things?"
Conrad cleared his throat. "I am excited for the air conditioning in the building. And the exit signs. I am very much excited to locate the exit signs."
"Don't worry, Dad," Jamie said, leaning forward as far as his seatbelt would let him. "If a giant scorpion breaks out, I will use my magnifying glass to blind it."
"Mmhmm, that makes me feel sooo much better, buddy," Conrad muttered, though he looked like he was already planning his escape route.
Finally arriving at the convention center, Jamie looked wide-eyed at the building.
“Whoa, its soooo… BIG! Dad, look, I bet there’s gonna be soooo many insects inside.” he exclaims, unbuckling himself from his booster seat.
Jamie runs towards the entrance, hauling his dad along with him. "Stay close, hon." Belly called, grabbing Ines’s hand, though she was mostly pertaining to Conrad, who looked deeply uncomfortable near a flyer advertising a "Tarantula Touch-Tank" in Hall B.
The expo floor was chaos in the best way possible. There were enthusiastic kids sprinting around with temporary scorpion tattoos on their cheeks, scientists in lab coats explaining the mating calls of cicadas, and rows upon rows of glass enclosures filled with things that had entirely too many eyes.
They passed a booth featuring giant neon green praying mantises that looked like alien warriors. Jamie politely stopped to wave at one, which seemed to wave back.
"He likes me," Jamie noted.
But while Jamie was floating on air, Conrad looked like he was walking into a haunted house, in broad daylight. He’s a brave guy, but when it came to bugs, especially spiders, he was a total chicken. He was already looking around the lobby like a tiny, invisible spider was about to drop from the ceiling onto his head.
"Honey," Belly whispered, poking his arm playfully. "You okay there? Your face looks a little green."
"I'm fine," Conrad said, his voice a little higher than usual. "Totally fine. I’m a grown man. I’m not afraid of things with too many legs.” He breathes, deeply. “Though I think we should walk very fast past any signs that says 'Arachnid.'" Belly laughs, a little too loud for his liking.
"Look, Daddy! Big spider!" Ines shouted happily, her sneakers flashing red and blue with every step. She pointed right at a huge poster of a hairy tarantula.
Conrad jumped a little, pulling his shoulders up. "Jesus… yes, sweetie. That's a very nice... giant, terrifying poster. Let’s keep walking, shall we?” guiding Ines away from the tarantula poster.
Jamie was completely amazed. He looked left and right, his eyes wide, soaking in everything as there were hundreds of glass tanks filled with green walking sticks, glowing scorpions, and giant moths.
As they walked down the crowded aisles, they passed a booth called "The Spider Den” which Conrad tried to steer the family to the opposite side of the hallway, but three-year-old Ines had already spotted something she liked.
A nice lady at the booth was holding a real, live Chilean Rose Tarantula in her open hand. The spider was big, fuzzy, and moving its legs slowly.
"Puppy!" Ines gasped, stopping her wobbly toddler walk right in front of the table. She didn't look scared at all. In fact, she looked like she wanted to hug it. "Look, Daddy! Soft puppy!"
"That is not a puppy, Ines," Conrad said, freezing in place about five feet away. He gripped Belly’s hand so tight his knuckles turned white. "Belly, tell our daughter that is a creature of darkness."
"Oh, she's very friendly," the spider lady said with a smile, leaning down closer to Ines. "Would you like to pet her gently with one finger?"
"Oh no, no, she really doesn't need to—" Conrad started, but he was too late.
Ines, who was fearless and loved touching everything, reached out her chubby little hand. With a big smile on her face, she gently tapped the fuzzy back of the giant tarantula.
"Soft," Ines whispered, giggling as the spider's leg twitched. "Tickle puppy!"
Conrad looked like he was about to faint. He covered his eyes. "Belly, please tell me my daughter still has all her fingers."
Belly pulls out her phone to take a picture, "She's fine, hon," she laughed, watching Ines proudly pat the spider one more time before waving goodbye.
"Bye-bye, spider puppy!" Ines called out, waddling back to Conrad and grabbing his leg. Conrad picked her up instantly, holding her high up on his shoulder.
“Why do I have two kids who love insects?”
Jamie shook his head at his dad. “Spiders are actually very good for the environment, dad. They kill the bad insects, like mosquitoes and flies.”
“Wow, good for them…at least that’s something.”
Conrad’s phone suddenly went off.
He pulled it out, saw the word Hospital on the screen.
“Hey, hold on babe, I need to get this.” Conrad pressed the phone to his ear, stepping slightly away from a massive display of giant centipedes. "This is Dr. Fisher... Yes, hi. A patient chart? What mix-up? Okay, okay… Yes, I will talk to the resident when I get there. No problem. I’ll be right there… okay, bye-bye.”
He hung up and looked down at Jamie, forcing his face into an expression of deep, tragic heartbreak, a smile of relief hidden underneath.
"Hey, sport, I have some bad news," Conrad said, kneeling down so his eyes were level with Jamie's. "The hospital has a major emergency with some paperwork. I have to go in right now and handle the patient charting, so I can't stay to watch you buy your beetle."
“But Dad, you’re going to miss the fun part…”
"I know, I’m sorry.”
"Don't worry, Jamie," Belly interrupted, her lips twitching into a knowing smirk as she looked at down at her husband. "Your dad is practically crying on the inside. Look at him. He's devastated."
Conrad shot Belly a quick, warning look, but she just stepped closer, bumping her knee against his shoulder.
"But listen to me," Conrad promised, grabbing Jamie's shoulders gently. "I promise I will be home before dinner. The exact minute I walk through the door, you can show me the beetle. Deal?"
Jamie cheered up a little, his eyes lighting up, "Okay. I'll pick a really big and scary one so it can guard your shoes.”
"Perfect. Please do," Conrad laughed, standing up.
"So," Belly whispered, leaning in while Jamie was distracted checking his twelve cargo pockets. "How much did you pay that nurse to call you?"
"I did not pay anyone," Conrad said, though his eyes darted around guiltily.
"Uh-huh," Belly said, raising an eyebrow. “Then why are you smiling, you’re doing paper works, remember?”
“I am not smiling… okay, yes, I’m smiling, happy, relieved, okay? If I had to look at one more spider, I was going to faint right into that beetle tank.”
Belly rolled her eyes, laughing. "Go, you big chicken. Escape while you can.”
Conrad breathed a massive sigh of relief. “Okay, you guys keep the car so you don't have to carry a giant bug cage on your lap," Conrad said, handing Belly the keys. "I’ll just call an Uber to the hospital and take another one home later. Love you." he gives the three of them a quick kiss, and jogs towards the exit.
“Love you!”
“Okay, then. Just us three now. Honey, don’t go too far!” Belly calls out.
They walked further into the back of the hall until Jamie suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. He pointed a shaking finger toward a booth with a big sign that read: "TITAN BEETLES."
"There he is," Jamie whispered in pure awe.
Sitting inside a large glass tank on a piece of old wood was a massive, shiny, jet-black insect. It was as big as a cell phone, and its outer shell looked like a freshly polished black car. Best of all, a huge, curved horn came out of its head, looking exactly like a mini forklift.
Belly stared at the creature, her jaw dropping. She had pictured a "big beetle" being maybe the size of a coin, not a living, breathing monster truck with legs. She slowly took a step back. Suddenly, she understood exactly why Conrad wanted to flee the building.
Jamie scrambled forward, pressing his nose right against the glass. "He is beautiful! Look at him, Mom! He has little claws so he can grip onto things!"
The breeder behind the counter, a friendly guy named Mark, smiled at Jamie. "Hey there! Are you looking for a pet Rhinoceros Beetle?"
"Yes!" Jamie said, his voice bursting with excitement. He immediately took out a messy notebook from his pocket. He stood up straight and put on his most serious face. "But I have some very important questions before we buy him."
Mark grinned, leaning on the counter. "Fire away, buddy."
"Question number one," Jamie said, pencil at hand, "What does he eat? Does he eat leaves, or does he need special food?"
"He eats special beetle jelly," Mark explained, showing them a box of tiny plastic cups that looked like single-serve gelatin snacks. "Banana and sweet sugar flavors are his favorite. You just peel the top off and put it in his tank."
"Wow, jelly!" Jamie wrote it down quickly. "Question number two, does he need a lot of dirt to dig in, or can he just sleep on the wood?"
"He loves dirt," Mark said. "You need to put about four or five inches of damp soil in his tank because he likes to bury himself and hide during the day. He is a night owl, so he will do most of his moving around while you are sleeping."
"Okay, okay, good." Jamie nodded, feeling very smart. "My room is very dark at night. We can hang out. Question number three, will he get lonely if he doesn't have a friend?"
"Nope, he likes living alone," Mark smiled. "He thinks he is the king of the castle."
“Perfect! Mom, he’s so beautiful.”
Belly swallowed hard, forcing a tight, frozen smile onto her face. "Wow, Jamie. He is... definitely something. He's very... shiny."
"Can we get him? Please?" Jamie turned around, looking up at her with giant, begging eyes.
Belly looked from Jamie’s hopeful face back to the absolute beast in the tank. The thing looked like it could chew through the glass if it got hungry enough. She took a deep breath, channeled her inner brave parent, and nodded.
"Alright, buddy," Belly said, her voice shaking just a little bit. "If he's the one, let's get him. Just promise me his tank has a very, very secure lid."
Jamie marched ahead, proudly carrying the bug cage as they exited the center, Belly, behind him pushing a cart loaded with bags of special soil, logs, and beetle snacks. Ines was riding in the baby seat of the cart, happily muching on crackers and drinking from her sippy cup, leaving a trail of crumbs behind them.
Jamie looked up at Belly, his face glowing with pure satisfaction. "Mom, this is the best day ever. Thank you so much for letting me get Batter."
Belly smiled, pushing the heavy cart over the bumpy pavement. "You're very welcome, baby. But make sure you give your dad a big thank you when he gets home, too. He’s working really hard at the hospital right now.” she paused, realizing the irony. And probably celebrating his narrow escape from this pre-historic creature, she thought.
"I will! I'll let him hold the cage first thing," Jamie promised generously.
They finally reached the car, and Belly clicked the keys to unlock the trunk. But just as she reached for the first bag of beetle soil, a tiny, faint sound cut through the noise.
Meow.
Belly froze. Jamie stopped bouncing. Even Ines paused mid-chew, a cracker hovering near her mouth.
"Mom," Jamie whispered, his eyes going wide as he looked down. "Did the beetle just meow?”
The sound came again, soft and shaky, coming from right beneath the dark shadow of their car.
Jamie bent down, peering into the dark space beneath the car. Sitting right by the front tire was a tiny, fluffy ball of fur with giant green eyes.
"It's a baby cat, Mom!" Jamie whispered loudly.
At first, the kitten got defensive. She puffed out her tail to look twice her size and let out a tiny, high-pitched hiss that sounded about as threatening as a leaking balloon. But Jamie stayed completely still, holding out a gentle hand.
Sensing no danger, the kitten's posture melted. She took a few hesitant steps out into the sunlight, let out another soft meow, and began happily rubbing her entire body against Jamie’s shoes.
"Ohhhh, look at her," Belly said, her heart completely melting.
"She likes me, Mom! Look, she's purring," Jamie beamed, gently stroking the kitten's head with one finger.
"And, she’s hungry," Jamie said, noticing how small she looked.
Ines, seeing the new development from her high perch in the shopping cart, pointed a cracker-dust-covered finger downward. "Puppy!" she cheered. "Kitty puppy!"
Belly knelt down beside Jamie. The kitten immediately switched targets, walking over to press her forehead against Belly’s knee with another demanding meow.
"Well, aren't you a little survivor?" Belly cooed, gently scratching behind the kitten's oversized ears.
“Can we keep her, Mom? We can’t just leave her in the parking lot, what if she gets hit by a car?”
She looked back at the shopping cart, which was full of beetle soil, freeze-dried insect treats, and a creature that looked like an alien warlord, then she looked at the tiny, helpless furball.
Belly sighed, already knowing she was defeated. “I guess... we have room for one more.” Belly smiled, scooping the tiny kitten up into her arms. She was so light she felt like a handful of cotton candy. "Let's get her in the car. But you're explaining this to your dad."
The second Belly lifted her up, she tucked her paws in and nestled right against Belly’s neck, sounding like a tiny, furry motorboat.
Ines reached from the cart, nearly falling out in her excitement. "Me touch! Me touch the puppy!" She managed to gently pat the top of the kitten's head with a hand covered in cracker crumbs, which the kitten gladly accepted.
"We can put her in the back with me and Ines. I’ll keep her safe from Batter."
Belly chuckled, setting the kitten gently onto the space next to Jamie’s booster seat. The little furball immediately curled up into a tight circle on a discarded sweatshirt, completely exhausted.
As Belly shut the door and walked around to the driver's seat, she couldn't help but laugh at the situation. They had left the house that morning as a normal family of four. Now, they were driving home with a forklift-horned monster insect and a stray parking-lot kitten. She takes a quick picture of the beetle inside the beetle cage, currently strapped in the passenger seat and sends it to Conrad.
Belly made a quick detour and pulled the car into the nearest pet store parking lot. They couldn't exactly bring a surprise kitten home without a way to feed her, or a place for her to do her business.
"Okay, quick stop," Belly announced. “Will you be okay if I leave you in the car for 10 minutes while Ines and I go run in and get the essentials?
“Mmhmm.” Jamie said, leaning over the sweatshirt to keep a protective hand near the sleeping furball. “You do remember how to unlock and lock the car, right?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Are you sure?”
“Mmhmm.” Jamie reassures.
“Okay, love you.”
“Mmhmm.” Jamie hums, engrossed entirely with the kitten, reaching from his booster seat and giving her light pets.
Inside the pet store, Belly moved with speed. She grabbed a small litter box, a bag of kitty litter, a couple of tiny bowls, a few cans of wet kitten food, a bag of kibble, and a little plush mouse toy that Ines insisted on holding like a scepter.
When they got back to the car, the kitten was awake and stretching her tiny legs, while Jamie was giving her a detailed lecture on how dung beetles roll poop.
Belly packed the new supplies into the trunk, squeezing them in alongside the pile of beetle dirt and logs. She buckles Ines next. Okay, 8-year-old son, check. 3-year-old-daughter, check. Beetle that looks like a dinosaur, check. Newly distributed orange kitten from the cat-distribution system, check. A husband who’s probably gonna have a heart attack when he actually sees the size of the beetle and will have another heart attack when he sees a small orange kitten running around the house, check.
She turns around to see the kitten now on a sleeping Jamie’s lap, still purring her little heart out and drives home.
Conrad’s name flashed on the dashboard as Belly was about to turn into their driveway. "Hey, babe," Conrad’s voice came through the speakers, sounding relaxed. "I just finished up the last of the patient charts and I'm heading out. Listen, I know you must be absolutely exhausted from wrangling the kids, the supplies and that... thing you texted me a picture of. Seriously, that beetle looks like it could benchmark press me."
Belly bit her lip to keep from laughing, catching Jamie’s wide, mischievous eyes in the rearview mirror. "Oh honey, you have no idea.”
“So, don't worry about cooking tonight. I'm going to pick up dinner. What do you want?" Conrad asked. "And ask the birthday boy what he’s craving."
"Taco Bell!" Jamie yelled at the top of his lungs from the back seat. Then, without missing a beat, he leaned over the sleeping ball of fur and whispered loudly, "Hey, Biscuit, what do you want? Do you want a taco too?"
On the other end of the line, there was a long pause.
"Wait, Jamie wants biscuits?" Conrad asked, his voice in utter confusion. "Since when does Taco Bell sell biscuits?
Belly pressed her hand over her mouth, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Jamie looked completely offended. "No, Dad! Not biscuits, Biscuit—"
"Alright, buddy, I'll see if they have some kind of cheesy biscuit twist or something," Conrad interrupted, "I'll grab the usual tacos for us and look for Jamie's biscuits. Love you!”
The line went dead. Belly and Jamie looked at each other for one second before the whole car erupted into giggles, while Ines happily clapped her hands, chanting, "Biscuit taco! Biscuit puppy!"
Belly stood at the kitchen counter, slicing strawberries into neat little quarters for dinner. The last afternoon sun slanted through the window above the sink. She was humming the theme song to Bluey, when two hands suddenly wrap around her waist.
She yelped, the knife clattering against the cutting board.
“Jesus Christ, Conrad.”
He was grinning as she spun her around, “Hi, my love. Sorry,” he offers a sheepish smile. “I didn’t even hear you come in.”
“Sly as a fox.” He winks and gives her a quick kiss on the lips, before setting down the take-out bag on the counter.
“Please tell me that beetle is currently locked inside a bunker.” He goes back to hugging her from the back. Belly laughs, “Relax. The beetle is upstairs with Jamie. He already finished setting up his tank, and all.”
Conrad was quiet for a moment, and Belly glanced up to find him staring at the ceiling with a thoughtful expression. Oh, here we go.
“You know,” he said slowly, “I always thought if we were going to have a beetle at home, it would at least know how to play the guitar.”
“What?” Belly blinks at him.
“You know. Beatle.” He waited, raising his eyebrows. She stared back. “Like the band? Ringo? Paul? C’mon, Belly—you know what, never mind.”
“I’m just messing with you.”
“Being married to you for ten years, you would think I wouldn’t have figured it out by now.” He leaned down, kissing her gently, “Thank you though, for today,” he said, tucking a loose strand of her hair, “For handling the kids, for giving birth to them, for loving them and me unconditio—.”
“What are you on?”
“Nothing!” he defends himself, a sly smile on his face, “Is it a bad thing to say thank you to his wi—,” he caresses her waist.
“Conrad, we are not having another baby.”
“Why not?” he whines, leaning down to press soft kisses down her neck. “But you look sooo good pregnant and you get really hot and bothered and you would always say you like me to lic—,”
Belly leans back to avoid his kisses and shouts, “Jamie! Your dad’s home!” from the kitchen.
Conrad laughs so hard, he hits his knee on one of the open drawers, “Owww, shit.” he hisses.
“We will continue this conversation later, you cockblock.” Narrowing his eyes at her, a smirk playing on his lips.
“Sure thing, baby.” Belly giggles, seeing her husband bent down, rubbing his injured knee.
A second later, footsteps came bouncing down the stairs. Jamie practically flew into the kitchen, a huge grin on his face, with Ines toddling closely behind him, holding up Biscuit; the rescued kitten, on her left arm.
"Dad! You're home!" Jamie cheered, giving Conrad a quick waist-high hug.
Conrad’s jaw dropped. He froze mid-step, his eyes darting from Ines to the tiny ball of fur, and then up to Belly.
"Whoa, whoa, hold on! Why is there a cat in our kitchen? Did it... did it climb in through the window?”
"Umm... surprise?" Belly offered, drawing the word out, lips pressed together to hold back a giggle.
Jamie jumped in before Conrad could even respond, words tumbling over each other. "Dad, Dad, she was the parking lot! At the insect event! We were getting in the car and she was just there, like right under it, all tiny and skinny and stuff." He held his hands close together to show just how small. "She kept meowing and then she started purring when I picked her up, Dad, she was so hungry, you could feel her ribs and everything. We couldn't just leave her there; somebody would have run her over!"
Ines nodded along solemnly, “Biscuit so small.” she says, then ruined the effect by nuzzling her face into the kitten's fur and giggling again.
Jamie paused, long enough to gauge his father’s expression. “Can we keep her, dad? Please, please? We already named her. Her name’s Biscuit. I wanted to name her Fluffy but Neni said Biscuit and I said yes because it was really cute too, and she’s so cute, dad, look at her.”
Conrad blinked, the pieces finally clicking together in his head. "Wait. This is Biscuit? Not a Taco Bell breakfast item?"
"No, Dad, she’s a kitten!" Jamie laughed, scooping the kitten from Ines who was close to choking it.
"She’s already part of the team, Dad," Jamie insisted, moving the kitten a little closer to Conrad's face. "And don't worry, she doesn't have too many legs. She only has four.”
Conrad couldn't help but laugh, he hesitantly reached out a finger to pet. Biscuit immediately leaned her tiny head forward and aggressively rubbed her cheek to his knuckles, purring so hard her body shook.
"See? She likes you!" Jamie beamed. "And she promised she’s going to help me guard your shoes from Batter."
"Batter?" Conrad asked, looking back up at Belly with a raised eyebrow. "We named the giant fork-lift bug, Batter?"
"Jamie's choice," Belly smiled, walking over to wrap her arms around Conrad's waist.
"Okay, wait," Conrad said, raising a finger, “Did you guys get her a litter box and supplies for, you know... pooping?"
“Yep.”
"And what about food? She’s too small for adult cat food. Did you get her the right kitten formula?"
“Yep.”
“And did you call the vet to get her an appointment for a checkup and shots?"
“Yep.” Belly laughed, stepping forward and tapping his chest. "Yes, to all three questions, Doc. We made a pet store detour, the trunk is full of kitten supplies, and she has an appointment on Monday morning.”
"So, Doctor... what's the official diagnosis on our new family member?” she wiggles her eyebrows.
He sighs and shakes his head, “Can’t believe I left you guys for 4 hours and you brought home a beetle and a kitten…”
“Batter and Biscuit, Dad.” Jamie corrected.
“Right, welcome to the family, Batter and Biscuit, I guess.”