Archive of Our Own ^beta

“All children, except one, grow up.”
- J.M Barrie, Peter Pan

Everything that happened all seemed to stem from one simple thing.

Gerard was trying to watch TV. That was it. He wasn’t particularly bothered about what he was watching, but he was trying to watch it while Dale and his Mom chatted and Pete... Pete was being Pete.

When he thought back on things, he wondered if he hadn’t - maybe if he’d been reading instead or if he’d not been so fucking pig-headed in his determination to watch something he didn’t particularly care for... if he hadn’t been trying to watch TV, everything that happened afterwards wouldn’t have. His Mom wouldn’t have got fed up with him and sent him out the house, Pete wouldn’t have run off and Frank wouldn’t have...

Either way, it was no use in pondering on such things. What happened, happened.

However, before that simple catalytic event took place, there were several things that happened before it. It all actually started the day before, where Gerard Way was sitting at the kitchen table in his parents kitchen and marvelling at just how spectacularly his life was going at the moment. After all, he was pretty certain that there weren’t many other 28 year olds who were broke, unemployed and currently living back in their parent’s basement after a particularly hellish few months.

Yes, Gerard was certain; when his life flashed before his eyes, this was going to stand out as a particular high point.

He sighed and read the jobs listings page in the newspaper for the third time that day. There was nothing that really caught his eye. Mostly it was menial jobs like waitressing or labouring, which would have been fine except at this point in his life, Gerard really felt like he should have been making moves towards an actual career as opposed to a job that would give him some extra cash for a bit. Then again, maybe because he was actually at this point in his life, he shouldn’t be turning down any kind of work.

He sighed again and circled a particularly promising-looking advert just as his Mom came into the kitchen.

“Seen anything?” she asked.

Gerard shrugged. “A few things. I’ll start emailing out later.”

His Mom nodded. “You can take your time, Gerard.” She patted his head fondly, like she used to do when he was a kid. “No one’s trying to push you.”

“I need to do something,” he explained. “Even if it’s not a career. I just... I need to do something. I need to keep myself busy.”

Again, his Mom nodded understandingly. “You could always take up babysitting,” she suggested.

Gerard stared at her in confusion. “But I don’t even like kids – oh.”

The penny dropped.

“Dale’s coming over, isn’t she?”

“Well, she was worried about you after... you know. What happened.”

“You told her?”

Donna’s sheepish smile said it all.

“Not all of it,” she lied. “It came up when she last called, she asked how you were and what you were doing and I mentioned you’d gone through a bit of a rough patch lately –”

“Is... is she bringing Pete?” Gerard asked, trying to ignore the anger threatening to flare up inside of him.

“Of course! He’s her son!”

Without another word, Gerard stood up and went outside into the garden, letting the kitchen door slam behind him in a satisfying way. He fumbled around in his pockets for a cigarette and Lucky Lighter (so-called not due to any particular significant luck-bringing but more due to the fact that it was one he’d managed to not lose for many years), before finding a cigarette and lighting it up.

Dale Wentz was one of his Mom’s closest friends. They’d known each other since before Gerard was born; both Gerard and Mikey had grown up calling her ‘Auntie Dale.’ Personally, Gerard had nothing against her, but as for her son...

He blew a refreshing mouthful of smoke up into the air.

Pete Wentz. The devil incarnate. He was like what would have happened if Damian, Chucky and the Children of the Corn had an unholy union and formed in one vessel.

In the first few years of his life, Pete had merely just been annoying. As a baby, he’d scream like a banshee whenever Gerard entered the room, immediately quietening down the moment Gerard left (all the time whilst giggling and curling up next to Mikey). As a toddler, he’d pooped in Gerard’s bed one Christmas and Gerard had been too drunk to notice until the next morning. The last time Gerard had seen him, after Gerard had explained just why his copy of Doom Patrol was so important and valuable (a mint, first printing, signed by none other than Grant Morrison himself) and that Pete must never touch it under any circumstances, he’d been distracted by the phone ringing. When he got back, he found the plastic wrapping in shreds on the floor and the precious comic reduced to a mangled mess of confetti and saliva.

It later transpired that Pete had tried to eat it.

That was two years ago. By Gerard’s math, he’d be eight now with two years of plotting and scheming behind him.

He scowled and lit up a cigarette, humming Tubular Bells.

“He’s just a child, Gerard,” Donna said, quietly closing the back door behind her. She rubbed Gerard’s shoulder encouragingly. “Come on Gerard, I know you’ve never really got on with Pete but he’s practically family... And Dale has been really worried about you.”

“How long are they staying for?”

“Just for the weekend. And no sulking in your room the whole time either!!”

Gerard blew a lungful of smoke out into the air and scowled.

~*~*~

“Gerard!!”

Gerard barely had time to register the woman in the main hallway before he was being yanked down into a vice hug, smothered against a giant cleavage that smelt of cigarette smoke and flowery perfume.

“Hi Dale,” Gerard managed to squwark out, his spine bent uncomfortably and his arms sticking out at odd angles.

Dale Wentz let him go but immediately seized his face roughly in her warm hands, holding him in place to inspect him.

“You’re looking awfully thin, Gerard,” she announced. “Too thin. Donna, I hope you’ve been feeding him up!”

“Of course I am,” his Mom laughed, descending the stairs behind Gerard. He was immediately flattened against the wall as Dale pushed past him to embrace her friend with air kisses as they broke into animated conversation.

For a few seconds, Gerard remained in place, frozen against the wall and debating about whether or not it would be possible for him to try and melt into the shadows and sneak away down to the basement –

“Ouch!”

Something kicked him in the ankle.

He looked down and saw a mass of shiny black hair. One eye blinked up at him, the other hidden by a long fringe.

“Hello Pete.”

Gerard mentally awarded himself bonus points for not saying “not you” or “fuck off.”

Pete grinned up at him, scrunching up his nose as he did. It was not the smile of an angel. Gerard tried to ignore the feeling of foreboding settling in his chest.

~*~*~

Pete had demanded they played in the garden, and Mom and Dale, who wanted some peace and quiet while they chatted, had sent Gerard out to keep him company. Gerard wished he’d been smart like Mikey and pretended he wasn’t in the minute they arrived. Unlike Gerard though, Mikey actually had a social life so him vanishing from the house was much more plausible.

“Come on, it’s freezing out here!!” Gerard hissed, stuffing his hands deep in his pockets as he searched for a cigarette. “Can’t we just go in and watch TV or something?”

“No!!” Pete said. “I have soccer try-outs next week and I need to practice! You can be in goal.”

Gerard made a fucking useless goalie. He would have been better as one of the posts.

“Gee-rraard!!” Pete whinged. “You’re not even trying!! You’re just standing there and smoking!! Did you know smoking is bad for you?”

“I had no idea,” Gerard said, taking a long drag, feeling the warmth contrast against the cold wind.

“Yes!” Pete continued, oblivious to sarcasm. “Miss Lopez says that smoking makes your face shrivel up and you get cancer and then die.”

“Really?” Gerard said, flicking the ash. “How terrible.”

“It also makes you smell really bad,” Pete added, wrinkling his nose. “Is that why your boyfriend left you?”

Gerard’s cigarette fell to the cold ground.

“Who – how did you –”

“I heard Mom talking about it on the phone to her friend Sarah,” Pete said triumphantly. “She said Auntie Donna had told her that your boyfriend Bert had cheated on you and you’d oh-ver-dosed and you were now back living at Auntie Donna’s because everyone thinks you’ll re-lah-psse.

The way he was pronouncing certain words was clearly an affectation meant to be endearing to the right company – Oh, look, how cute! He’s using grown up words! – and deliberately annoying as shit to others. Before Gerard could throttle the brat though, he’d carried on with an obnoxious grin.

“Jack at school says only drug addicts re-lap-se and his dad is a doctor so he sees that kind of person all the time. I asked Miss Lopez about it and she said you were clearly a very dis-turbed individual and I shouldn’t speak to you.”

Pete had taken advantage of Gerard’s shocked silence to kick the football at his head. On instinct, Gerard’s hands flew up to his face, deflecting the ball and sending it flying through the air; it got wedged in the branches of the giant tree at the bottom of the garden.

“Gee-rrarrrd! Why did you do that?!? Get it back, I can’t reach that!!”

Gerard was already storming off inside, slamming the kitchen door behind him. His Mom and Dale looked up at him worriedly.

“Gerard?” his Mom asked. “Is everything OK?”

Gerard ignored her and stomped upstairs to Mikey’s room. He didn’t even bother knocking, instead kicking the door open dramatically and collapsing facedown on the bed next to Mikey. Mikey didn’t even look up from his phone.

“My life,” Gerard announced, his voice muffled by the pillows, “fucking sucks.”

“Still?” Mikey asked.

Gerard nodded, letting out a groan. “Pete Wentz was mocking me.”

“Gerard, you’re my brother and I love you, but if you can’t hold your own against an eight year old then there’s not much hope for you.”

Despite everything, Gerard snorted. He rolled onto his side, looking up at his brother.

“Apparently the entire of Belleville’s social circle knows the ins and outs of my problems,” he said.

“Ah,” Mikey said with an understanding nod. “Mom told Dale, who told Sarah who probably told –”

“Yeah,” Gerard cut him off. “Fuck. They probably even included Mrs Toro on things for good measure too.”

“Really?” Mikey pulled a face. “You think you’re that important that they’d even include her on things?”

“Why not?” Gerard asked, holding his hands out as if framing an imaginary headline. “Donna Way’s faggot son, fucked-up and back home, and talk of the town again!”

Mikey frowned. “When were you the talk of the town before?”

“You know what I mean,” Gerard shot him a withering look. He’d always attracted weird looks and suspicious whispers even as a teenager, although that might have been more to do with his penchant for dressing all in black, wearing make-up and glaring at everyone.

When he explained all this to Mikey, Mikey just rolled his eyes and said “But you still do that.”

Gerard responded in the most dignified, mature way he could muster and flipped his brother off. With a yet another sigh, he rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. The room had barely changed over the years with the same faded music posters tacked to the walls and the same worn sheets on the bed. Unlike Gerard, Mikey had yet to move out; he was four years younger than Gerard and had gone through college whilst living at home but then chose to remain at home at considerably-reduced rent while he tried to save up some money for his own flat. Unfortunately for Mikey, he worked as a promoter trying to break it into the music scene and while he was doing something he loved, unless he made it big, he was never going to be very well paid for it.

Or at all, as the current situation was.

Mikey put his phone down to the side and patted Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard wished he could just live in this moment forever. Forget the world outside this room, forget the shit of his life, forget everything about pills, medication and sobriety... if he could live in this quiet space of time, with just his breathing, the soft duvet beneath him, the dust mites lazily floating through the air, his brother’s warm body beside him...

A knock on the door ended the moment.

“Mikey? Gerard? You in here?” Mom poked her head around the door with a small smile. “Pete says he’s really sorry.”

Gerard and Mikey both snorted.

“I’ll bet he is,” Gerard muttered.

Wisely, Mom had decided that what everyone needed was a “nice trip out to the mall.” She also decided that Gerard was not included in the word “everybody.”

“It’d be nice to get Pete’s ball back,” she said in an undertone. “You know, to show him there’s no hard feelings.”

As far as Gerard was concerned, there were nothing but hard feelings between him and Pete. He knew it was wrong and petty to let the kid rile him up the way he did but Gerard couldn’t help it. He didn’t have much experience with kids and tended to treat them as he did everyone else; if they attacked, he’d fight back and fuck taking the higher, mature ground! He’d never believed in censoring the truth or himself, and figured that most kids were smart enough to tell if they were being patronised or lied to.

It was this belief that was precisely why Gerard knew he should never be allowed to interact with children.

Still, to spare on his Mom’s nagging more than anything, he waited until they were long gone and then ventured back outside. Mikey even joined him, not to help but to watch because “at some point, you’re going to either get yourself stuck or fall.”

Climbing trees had never been Gerard’s forte. He was an artist with soft hands, virtually no upper-body strength and malcoordinated when it came to balance. From the ground, the ball seemed all the more higher up.

“OK,” he said, rubbing his hands together. “Let’s do this.”

Mikey took a sip of the coffee he’d brought outside and said nothing.

By the time Gerard had reached the branch, he was hot and sweating profusely under his hoodie, his hands were sore and scraped from the rough tree bark, his arms were killing him, and he was pretty sure he’d torn his jeans in more than one place.

Swearing furiously under his breath, he shook his sweaty hair out of his eyes and looked up. The ball was only a few feet above him, if he could steady his feet, he might be able to reach it...

He wedged his foot on a nearby branch, gingerly testing his weight. It shook slightly but seemed to be OK so he put his other foot on it and tried not to look down. Clinging onto the tree trunk with one arm wrapped firmly around it, he reached up with his free hand and tried to swat the ball free. His fingertips brushed uselessly against the plastic.

“Come on, you fucker!” he snarled, stretching onto his tiptoes. The branch wobbled dangerously beneath him.

“You know Dad keeps a ladder in the garage?” Mikey called out unhelpfully.

Gerard chose to ignore him and made another desperate swipe at the ball. He managed to dislodge it this time and let out a triumphant cry as it flew back down earth, landing on the grass a few feet away from Mikey.

“Suck it!” Gerard yelled, flipping off his brother. Mikey just took another mouthful of coffee and stared back, unimpressed. “OK... Now, how do I get down?”

“This’ll be good,” Mikey said, folding his arms. “Should I call the ambulance now in advance?”

Gerard flipped him off again and twisted so he was facing the trunk. If he could crouch down on the branch, using the trunk to support himself, he should be able to slide down on the branch below and keep doing that to get back down...

“What the -?”

The words “FRANK WAZ HERE” were carved into the tree trunk.

“Come on Gee, you’re not that high up!!” Mikey yelled.

Gerard was halfway through saying “Mikey, have you seen this?” when he took a step backwards to steady himself, completely forgetting that he was already only standing on eight inches of wood. He let out a shocked yell as he went flying down through the air, and crashed painfully into something soft but spiky and then everything was suddenly... green?

“I told you this would end badly! Gerard! Are you OK?!”

Gerard was stuck in the bush at very odd angle. He could feel his feet stuck above his head and could smell mud. He did a quick mental check of all appendages; toes, feet, ankles, fingers, hands, wrists, neck... nothing seemed broken.

“I’m OK!” Gerard called out, although his voice sounded shaky. His hair had fallen over his face and he had to twist himself around before he could get a hand free from the foliage to push his hair out the way.

“Are you stuck?”

“No...”

“I can only see one of your feet.”

“Hang on – ouch!!”

Gerard tried to shift his weight and ended up freeing himself completely from the bush... and landing in the mud. Slowly, wiping his nose, he pushed himself up onto his hands and knees.

He gasped.

“Oh my God... Mikey, it’s my old hideout!!”

“Your old what?!”

“My old hideout!! I used to hide in here when you were annoying me!”

“Charming...”

“No, seriously! There should be like a gap underneath the bush by the tree...”

Childhood memories came flooding back in a rush as he looked around the hole. He’d discovered this hideout when he was a kid through a gap in the bushes at the bottom of the garden that lead to this tiny, sheltered clearing. Gerard pushed himself into a sitting position, drawing his knees up to his chest as he looked around. It was a lot smaller than he remembered but a lot of it was exactly as he’d left it. There was some heavy-duty plastic sheeting on the ground that he’d painstakingly dragged in and laid out as a carpet, along with some wonky wooden shelves attached to the tree truck that only held two very mangled paint brushes. Gerard remembered that he’d installed the shelves himself after stealing the nails and hammer from his dad’s toolkit. Looking around, he could see there were some old tiny paint pots scattered around in the undergrowth, the contents long dried up into flakes of colour.

“Gerard? There’s no gap,” Mikey called out. “It’s probably grown over now or something.”

“Ah.”

“Look, stay there. I’m gonna see if Dad’s got some hedge cutters or something in the garage to get you out.”

Gerard was about to point out that he’d probably get out just by standing up but he could already hear Mikey’s retreating footsteps. Peering through a gap in the leaves, he saw his younger brother’s retreating back as he headed back into the house.

Gerard sat back and looked at his old hideout again. The smell of damp musty earth and leaves sparked off a million memories, including a sudden feeling of security. He always used to feel so safe when he played in here, like no one could find him, like it was just him and...

He blinked.

Frank.

He looked up at the sky, up the tree trunk, up at the branch where the words “FRANK WAZ HERE” had been carved.

“What the - ?” he said, not for the first time.

Frank was...

He could suddenly see the ghost of a memory sitting opposite him as clear as day. Messy black hair that fell over one eye. An impish grin. A loud crowing noise of triumph. Clothes made of autumn leaves.

Gerard blinked and shook his head. That couldn’t be right.

“Who are you?”

“I’ve got lots of names... you’ve probably heard of me. My name’s Peter Pan, but you can call me Frank...”

They must have been playing Peter Pan or something, Gerard figured. Fucking Peter Pan. Of course. He wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d played Wendy; he could totally picture himself aged 5 running around in one of his Mom’s lacy slips and pretending to be a girl.

“Tell me about the pirates, Frank...”

“The pirates are what all grown ups in Neverland become. They’re grumpy and bad tempered all the time! But they’re no match for me and the Lost Boys – we always let them think they’re winning and then we give ‘em the slip!!”

Gerard snorted. Neverland and pirates. He was such a weird kid.

“Tell me more about Captain Hook, Frank. He’s your enemy, isn’t he?”

“Yu-huh. He hates me because I once cut off his hand and fed it to the crocodile!”

“Wow!! That’s so cool!!”

“Yeah, and now that croc won’t leave him alone! He’s always after the taste of ol’ Hooky!!”

Gerard laughed at himself, hugging his knees to his chest. It was quite comfortingly small in his hideout in a way that was more cosy than claustrophobic.

He looked at the tree trunk again, following it down to the rocks piled up against the base, and then frowned. He could have sworn there was something significant about those rocks... like they were hiding something...

The rocks were a lot lighter than he remembered them being when he was a kid and he shifted them to the side with no problem, revealing a gap between the tree and the ground.

He bit his lip. There might be rats or something down there now, something that could bite. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone (amazingly, it had survived the fall) and used it to shine light inside the hole, expecting to see a pair of eyes gleaming back out at him. As it was, there were no signs of life in the hole but then – there! Pushed right to the back was something wrapped in an old plastic bag.

Buried treasure? Gerard put his phone down and reached in the hole, although he was unable to shake the paranoia that there was still something lurking in the darkness. His fingers closed around the edge of the bag and he pulled it out with relative ease. Whatever it was, it was incredibly light.

“Gee?” Mikey’s voice broke through the silence. “I couldn’t find the hedge trimmer – can you push your way out?”

“Probably,” Gerard replied, looking around for the old exit. The bushes had grown over them slightly and it would be a bit of a squeeze but the opening was still there.

He quickly shoved the bag under his hoodie. He couldn’t be bothered to deal with any questions at this moment in time and, somewhere, childishly, a voice in his head was saying that this was his treasure. He found it. He shouldn’t have to share it.

By the time Gerard managed to battle his way through the foliage, he found himself crawling out at Mikey’s feet. Mikey peered down at him suspiciously.

“OK, I know you’re not the biggest fan of showers and all but you really need one right now,” he said. “You look like you’re auditioning for the remake of The Swamp Thing.”

Gerard sniffed and pushed some of his hair out his face, inadvertently smudging more mud over his cheek. He climbed to his feet, making sure to keep the mysterious treasure under his hoodie held close to his stomach. There was dirt fucking everywhere over him, caked under his nails and embedded into his clothes. He was lucky Mom was out. She’d never even let him in the house like this.

~*~*~

One hot, hour-long shower later (Gerard had decided to make a day of it and wash his hair while he was at it. It took several rinses before the water stopped running out with mud and bits of leaves in it) and Gerard was sitting crossed-legged on his bed with the buried treasure in front of him, still wrapped securely in its plastic bag. With only a moment’s hesitation, he reached forward and opened it.

It was an old tin, like the kind biscuits came in. Though the metal was rusted and tarnished with age and mud, he could still make out the red design imprinted over it. Gerard brushed some flecks of dirt off the lid and tugged it stiffly off.

“Huh?!”

Gerard wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting exactly. He knew he was the only who could have put that box in there so he’d assumed the contents would be something he recognised at the very least, like an old, long-forgotten toy with sentimental value or maybe even a trinket of actual value. Therefore, he couldn’t hold back the sound of surprise and – yes, disappointment – when he saw the contents.

It was a set of panpipes.

Fucking panpipes, what the fuck?!

He picked them up out the box and stared at them in disgust. He’d been hoping for lovely childhood memories. Instead, he got more unwanted recollections of mocking and laughter from that disastrous school play.

Scowling, Gerard was about to throw the pipes across the room, when he spotted the yellowed scrap of paper at the bottom of the box.

“I bet this is a note from younger me to older me saying ‘Dear Gerard. Whatever you do, DO NOT tell people you believe in fairies’,” he muttered, taking it out and unfolding it.

It wasn’t even that. Instead, written in scrappy handwriting were a bunch of numbers and letters with random dots and lines.

He squinted, staring at the writing.

“Fuck, my handwriting was bad back then.”

The handwriting was so bad that he almost didn’t even recognise the writing. He couldn’t make any sense of it anyway. It was just a mishmash of numbers and capital letters. If he stared at the lines and dots, he felt like there was a code hidden in there, like he’d tried to leave a message...

“I was a fucked-up kid,” he said out loud, giving up and tossing the pipes and paper back into the box.

He looked down at the skeleton onesie he’d changed into after his shower.

“... and became a fucked-up adult.”

It wasn’t even that late but... he’d had enough of the day. He’d had enough of being conscious for one day. When he got those urges, he used to just drink the feelings away but now he had to deal through them like a normal person. Even one year on and he still wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to that.

He’d been prescribed sleeping pills along with anti-depressants shortly after... it... happened as there was a chance the new pills might initially fuck up his sleeping patterns. He’d since gotten over the worst of the restlessness of the new meds and didn’t need to take the sleeping pills anymore but he was craving that instantaneous blissful release of sleep which he knew he wouldn’t get for several hours. With a shrug, he downed two pills with a mouthful of water, flicked off the light and crawled into bed, waiting for the sedative to kick in.

He still wasn’t used to not having another person in the bed at night. The bed felt too big and cold without someone to cuddle up next to.

He glanced at the clock by the side of the bed. The sleeping pills normally only took half an hour or so to kick in. He considered doing some drawing but he couldn’t be bothered. Instead, he picked up one of his Batman comics that was lying nearby on the floor and idly flipped through it, waiting for the familiar signs it was working; for the world to get a little bit fuzzy around the edges, for his head to feel light, for his eyes to get heavy, for all thoughts and worries to gently fade to black.

He hated himself for still missing Bert.

~*~*~

Gerard was woken up from his dreamless sleep at some God-unearthly hour to some God-unearthly noise that turned out to be Pete turning on the TV with the volume full-blast.

“Wake up!!” Pete yelled cheerfully. Gerard swore and pulled the blanket over his head, trying to block out the irritating irritation. “Me, you, Mom and Auntie Donna are going shopping!!”

Gerard had to throw a pillow at the brat to stop him riffling through Gerard’s drawers as getting up and stopping him would have required far too much actual effort. All effects of the sleeping pill would have worn off by now but it always took a little bit longer for his brain to kick in properly the morning after taking one and after that, a few hours for the horrible taste they left in his mouth to dissipate.

He was all ready to ignore the child and go back to sleep when Donna Way herself came marching down the stairs into the basement, saying that he’d been asleep for far too long and it time he got up anyway.

“Mom, I feel sick,” Gerard said in a feeble voice. It was true; he had a headache and the morning light was hurting his eyes. Perhaps he was going blind. Or maybe he had meningitis. “I think I have a temperature.”

“Well then you can stay in and babysit Pete while Dale and I go out,” his Mom replied. She was being entirely unsympathetic to how her son was probably dying from the shock of being woken up so abruptly.

Gerard groaned and forced himself to sit up.

“I’m up, I’m up,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

“Good,” Donna said. Even in his pre-caffeinated state, he couldn’t miss the smugness in her voice. “There’s fresh coffee upstairs. Better get up before Mikey drinks it all.”

While the Wentz’s got dressed, Gerard enjoyed the companionable quiet in the kitchen between him and his Mom. As he took another refreshing mouthful of caffeine, he suddenly remembered the carving on the tree.

“Mom, did I ever have any friends when I was younger? Like, friends who came over to play before I started school?”

Mom took a sip of a coffee thoughtfully.

“Of course you did,” she said fondly. “You were such an imaginative child.”

His heart sunk. Imaginary friends.

“That wasn’t quite what I meant-”

His Mom laughed, clearly not listening. “If my memory serves, you were always playing with Peter Pan. Funny how things turn out, with you taking the role in the school play and all!”

Gerard smiled weakly.

“You would play for hours with him,” she continued. “You and him in the garden in that little den you made, do you remember?”

“Not really, no. No Mom, did I have any other friends? Friends with real names? Or anyone who lived down the road?”

“I don’t think so,” Mom said. “I didn’t really let you play in the street by yourself after what happened to the Toro boy. Anyway, you didn’t really start making friends until you were at school, and even that took a while. You were such a funny little boy, always keeping yourself to yourself and you preferred to play by yourself because the other kids got scared too easily by the games you played. Do you remember the vampire game you played with poor William Beckett? Apparently he had nightmares for a month and his mom never spoke to me again!”

“It’s not my fault he was such a wimp!! Besides, vampires won’t hurt you unless you do something stupid!” Gerard protested.

“You said the same thing back then,” Mom said with a fond smile. When he was a kid, he’d always felt a bit sorry for some of the other kids at having such boring parents. His Mom had always been so supportive of the fact that he’d been a weird kid; heck, she’d fucking encouraged it as he was growing up.

“So, no other friends?” he asked.

“You used to play with some of Mikey’s friends... but even then, you –”

“Generally kept myself to myself, yeah, I get it.”

“What’s brought this on anyway?”

“Nothing... I just... I found a name carved into the tree out the back when I was getting the ball down yesterday and I was trying to work out who it was.” Gerard shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, I guess. I was just curious. I’m going for a smoke.”

He was halfway to the backdoor when his Mom suddenly gasped.

“Oh, I just remembered!”

“What?” Gerard turned around.

“Frank!”

“Frank?! You know Frank?” Gerard’s stomach gave an excited leap.

“Yes!” To his surprise, Mom burst out laughing.

“What? What happened to him?”

“Nothing honey, no, nothing like that!” She was still laughing. “Frank was Peter Pan. You said he changed his name when he felt like it and didn’t like being called Peter anymore.”

The disappointment was so heavy that Gerard’s shoulders slumped with it.

“Oh. So Frank... wasn’t real?”

“Of course not! You were very fond of him... but you grew up. I think you had a fight with him one day and that was the end of that.”

“Right.”

Gerard let the door crash shut behind him. Stupid fucking childhood. Stupid fucking vivid imagination. And that was exactly like him to break up with his imaginary friends by argument!!

Though for someone who was only a figment of his imagination...

Gerard stared up into the tops of the tree at the bottom of the garden. He wondered how he’d managed to climb the thing when he was smaller and in considerably worse shape physically then now.

~*~*~

Feeling petulant, Gerard had dressed in several layers of black and even put on some black eyeliner for good measure. He’d wanted to pull his hair over his eye but sadly it was still too clean and shiny from being washed the previous night to obey.

Great. Even his hair was determined to annoy him. With a theatrical sigh, he rolled his eyes and wandered barefoot back upstairs. He nearly sent Dale flying as he pulled open the basement door.

“Fuck, sorry!” he said.

“I was coming to get you,” she said, giving him a friendly look, and oh fuck, Gerard felt his stomach sink. “I wanted to have a quick chat with you, just me and you.”

Fuck. As much as he liked Dale, she had a habit of saying the exact worst thing at the exact worst time with the best of intentions.

“I was wondering how you were doing, Gerard?” she said. She sounded so concerned that Gerard didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth. He forced a smile onto his face that he knew looked far too pained.

“I’m fine,” he said. “Doing great, actually!”

“Yeah?” She smiled encouragingly. “And how are things going on the job-hunt?”

“Yeah, I’m looking but... you know. I was just trying to get settled back in a bit more back here before I started looking for something serious, you know?”

“You’re a talented man, I’m sure you could go into different things. You were always loved performing when you were a little boy, you could do something there! You and Mikey said you were going to form a band, do you remember? What happened to that?”

“It... kinda fell through,” Gerard said. It was nothing to do with how he’d spent more time drunk than practicing at all, nope.

“And you were in all the school plays too,” she continued with a cheering smile. “Do you remember when you took the lead in Peter Pan? Your grandmother was so proud of you!”

There was the typical sting of childhood trauma curling in his stomach. As much as he loved his grandmother, she really should have known better than to encourage a 9 year old boy to audition for the lead role. He’d seen her face in the audience on opening night, beaming proudly and he’d felt his chest swell with emotion as he poured his heart into the performance, leaping and bounding around the stage as he sung about how he never ever ever ever wanted to grow up...

“Yeah,” he said blankly. “Yeah, she was.”

He could still remember the laughter that greeted him as he walked into his classroom the morning after opening night. To his classmates, there was nothing funnier than the image of a fat kid dancing in green tights.

“Do you believe in fairies, Gerard??” one of the boys had said.

Stupidly, Gerard had answered honestly.

He spent lunchtime hiding behind the sheds, crying and clapping his hands desperately.

“You know, there’s a few theatre groups around the area,” Dale was saying. “Or you could go to some of the late-night art classes at the college! You should go sign up, it might do you some good to get out and make some new friends.”

“Maybe,” Gerard said.

“You might meet someone new,” she added hopefully. “To help you get over that good-for-nothing –”

“Yeah, maybe. I mean... I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

He didn’t want someone new. He just wanted to be left alone and for everyone to stop with their titbits of well-meaning advice.

Finally – fucking finally - Dale seemed to get the hint that the matter was not up for discussion.

“Well, I’m glad we had this chat,” she said, looking anything but. She reached out and awkwardly patted his arm. “And – and you know you’re always welcome around ours if you ever need a place to stay.”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime. I mean it,” she said.

He knew she did. He just wished she didn’t bother. With a scowl, he slumped off into the living room and collapsed on the sofa, picking up the remote and idly flicking through the channels.

Thus, the narrative brings itself around to our opening point; Gerard Way was trying to watch TV. Pete, bored, was trying to distract him. In a moment of irritation, Gerard had snapped “Leave me alone, or I’ll send you round Mrs Toro’s!!”

The threat had the desired effect; Pete’s entire face drained entirely of colour and he ran screaming from the room.

Afterwards, as Pete sobbed into his mom’s arms, Gerard’s own shot him a filthy look.

“That was a low blow, Gerard,” she said. Gerard tried his best to look apologetic (and failed).

“Oh come on,” Gerard said, rolling his eyes. “It was just a joke! Everyone knows Mrs Toro’s harmless enough these days.”

Pete let out a loud wail. “The kids at school say she eats children!”

“That’s not true,” Dale said comfortingly.

“Yeah, she only ever killed one kid,” Gerard said. “And that was her son.”

It took about twenty minutes before Pete’s crying went down from ‘hysterical’ to ‘mild panic.’ Dale eventually had to take her son outside to get some air because he’d cried so much, he’d made himself dizzy.

“Do you have to be so... you?!” his Mom asked, sounding exasperated once Pete was safely out of earshot. “Dale’s trying her hardest to be supportive –”

Gerard had had enough.

“I don’t want supportive, Mom!! I just want everyone to fuck right off and stop fucking asking me how I’m doing! I feel like enough of a freak-show as it is, I don’t need people pointing out how badly I fucked up!”

His Mom tried to say something but Gerard was on a roll.

“I’m a fucking adult! I can legally buy alcohol, go into clubs and fuck knows the last time I was even fucking I.D.ed! I had a flat and a boyfriend for seven-years and now I’m fucking back in Belleville, and it feels like I’m just fucking waiting to die here.”

He stopped himself, finally and - oh God. He’d just said the worst thing he could have ever said, and to his Mom, who’d done nothing but support him throughout everything.

He couldn’t look at her. The silence weighed heavily in the room, suffocating and -

“I’m sorry,” he tried to say but the words seemed to get stuck in his throat.

“Crying shame, what happened to that poor boy,” Mom said softly. “The Toro boy, I mean. Do you remember when it happened? He was the same age as you.”

Gerard shook his head, still not looking at her.

“Probably not, you were only six at the time,” she agreed.

He just remembered his parents talking in hushed voices in the kitchen and how his Mom made him swear he’d never talk to Mrs Toro or ever go into her house, which was just across the street from theirs. He’d asked her why and she’d replied ‘because no matter how nice some people may seem to be, Gerard, you just can’t trust them, do you understand?’

His Mom never let him play unattended in the garden ever again after that either.

“Anyway,” she said, “I’m going to see how Pete’s doing –”

“Mom, I’m sorry,” Gerard said, finally looking at her.

She smiled at him. She looked so tired under all her make-up. Gerard couldn’t recall if she’d always looked like that.

“I know sweetie. You can’t help it. It’s the medication, not you.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. It was a fucking lie though and they both knew it. There were mood swings and then there was being an asshole. Still, if the lie worked...

To try and make up for his behaviour, when his Mom discovered they needed some groceries, Gerard immediately volunteered. He was already looking forward to getting out the house and -

“And Pete could go with you!” Dale said.

Gerard opened his mouth to protest but Pete beat him to it.

“Mooooom!!” he whinged. “I don’t wanna go!!”

“Enough of that, young man,” Dale said sharply. “You don’t see Gerard whinging.”

Of course not. Gerard more specialised in sulking. Still, he was trying to be nice so he swallowed down any retort and said he’d be happy for the company, and when he and Pete were at the grocery shop, he even asked the child if he wanted any sweets or a fizzy drink.

Pete stared at him suspiciously.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Gerard said. “I’m just trying to be nice.”

“But you’re not nice,” Pete said, like it was obvious.

“I can try, can’t I?” Gerard said through gritted teeth.

Pete just shrugged and pulled a set of panpipes out his pocket.

“Where did you get those?!” Gerard asked incredulously.

“From your bedroom,” Pete said casually, blowing across the panpipes. They made a horrible, loud screeching noise that sent cold shivers running down Gerard’s spine.

“That’s not how you play them!” Gerard said, snatching them out of Pete’s hands. He lifted them to his lips.

“Yeah, so these? These are my panpipes. They can be heard all over Neverland. If you play my song on them, I’ll hear it and come straight to you!”

He blinked and lowered the pipes. What the fuck?

“You can’t play them!” Pete pointed his finger, accusingly. “My name’s Gerard Way and I can’t even play my own instruments!”

“Oh, leave off!” Gerard said, feeling his temper rising again. He shoved the panpipes in his hoodie pocket and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths in through his nose.

“You’re wearing make-up.”

“Yes, I am. Well observed.” Gerard opened his eyes to see the accusatory look on Pete’s face.

“My dad says men shouldn’t wear make-up, and that only fags wear make-up.”

“Call me a fag then.” Gerard fluttered his eyelashes. “Your dad’s a narrow-minded prick.”

“He is not!” Pete protested but Gerard just rolled his eyes.

“Listen kid, don’t get into an argument with someone if you’re not going to like it when they retaliate. Your dad’s an asshole and you’re not the only reason why they split up.”

Hurt flashed over Pete’s face. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it. Gerard ignored him, trying to ignore the feeling of guilt squirming in his stomach. He shouldn’t have said that. That was below the belt, especially to a child.

“I didn’t mean that,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry, that was wrong of me.”

Pete picked up a nearby bag of crisps, tore it open and then put it back on the shelf, the whole time glaring at Gerard.

“Pete, don’t do that!”

“Why not?” he asked, reaching for another bag.

Gerard snatched the bag out his hands just in time. “Because it’s not very nice!”

“It’s not very nice!” Pete mimicked.

“Come on Pete,” Gerard said, still trying to make amends. “Be a pal?”

“Come on Pete, be a pal!!” Pete shot back in what was clearly meant to be a high-pitched imitation of Gerard.

“Why are you repeating me?”

“Why are you repeating me?“

“Stop that!” Gerard hissed, feeling his patience wear thin.

“Stop that!!”

“Pete, I’m warning you –”

“Pete, I’m warning you!” Pete put his hands on his hips and glared at Gerard. “My name’s Gerard Way. I’m a big, fat loser who smells and my boyfriend just dumped me so I spend all day crying about it!”

“I don’t smell, you little motherfucker!!” Gerard snapped. “And stop saying that you’re me!! It’s annoying!”

“No! Your name is Pete and my name is Gerard now, so nyah!” He stuck his tongue out.

“Seriously, stop it!”

“Make me!!” Pete yelled and before Gerard could stop him, the child had run away. Gerard sprinted after him, following him down the aisle he’d run down; Pete was already at the other end.

“Pete!! Get back here! Now!” Gerard shouted, his voice echoing around the shop.

“That’s not my name,” Pete said in a sing-song voice.

“Ahrg, you little – fine!! Gerard, would you please come back?” Gerard said.

“No!” Pete shouted and ran away again, disappearing behind the next isle.

“Ahrg!! Get back here!!” Gerard yelled, giving chase.

~*~*~

Take care, lest an adventure is now offered you, which, if accepted, will plunge you in deepest woe.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

After ten minutes, Gerard had circled through all the isles and gone around the entire shop without finding Pete.

He asked a spotty teenager stacking one of the shelves if she’d seen Pete and gave her his description. She hadn’t but radioed the main desk to see if anyone else had, and then lead Gerard to the main office while Pete’s name was called over the PA system. Security guards were sent over the shop to see if they could see him.

Twenty minutes later after one horrible phone call, his Mom and Dale came running to the main office, both women panic-stricken.

“Has he turned up yet?” Dale asked.

Gerard shook his head.

“What happened??” Mom asked.

“He just ran off!” Gerard said. “One second he was there and then – he was just gone!”

Security waited ten minutes, then called his name over the PA again.

They waited another ten minutes.

The shop manager called the cops.

CCTV was examined. Gerard had to repeat what had happened when it turned out that Pete had literally run into a blind-spot on the CCTV and then just disappeared. He hadn’t left the shop and he hadn’t been grabbed. He had literally just vanished.

There were more questions.

“Are you sure you didn’t see any suspicious characters, Mr Way?” “Did you say or do anything to Pete that could have led to him running away?” “Do you know anyone who could have motive to kidnap Pete?”

Gerard had never been more ashamed of himself. Yes, they’d fought. Yes, he’d said some horrible things.

Yes. He’d fucked up.

~*~*~

The car journey home was in silence. Gerard didn’t even know what he could possibly say to make up for this. When they pulled up outside the house, he wordlessly got out.

“I’m going to stay with Dale tonight,” Mom said. She didn’t get out the car.

He nodded.

“Mom, I –”

“It’s OK, Gerard,” Mom said. She smiled at him and placed her hand softly on his cheek. “No one blames you.”

He didn’t believe her.

When he let himself in the house, Mikey was already waiting for him in the hallway. Gerard shook his head, predicting the question. Later that evening, Gerard was curled up on the sofa next to his brother.

“I fucked up, Mikey,” Gerard said thickly. He wasn’t even sure if he was crying or not. “Worse than ever. If I hadn’t been such an asshole to him, if I hadn’t been so self-centred...”

Mikey squeezed Gerard in reassurance.

“It’s not your fault,” he said. “Gee, come on, it’s not like you didn’t even bother going after him. You did. And seriously, the shop’s at fault too. What kind of crap-ass CCTV system has blind spots?”

Meaningless words.

“I’m – I’m going to bed,” Gerard said abruptly, standing up.

“I’ve got your sleeping pills,” Mikey said, not taking his eyes off the TV.

Gerard froze in the doorway.

“Sorry Gee,” he added. “It’s just.... you know.”

“Yeah,” Gerard said. Because he did. He really fucking did.

~*~*~

“Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild,
With a faery, hand in hand.
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.”
- The Stolen Child, William Bulter Yeats.

When Gerard collapsed face-first onto his bed, he’d forgotten about the set of panpipes in his front pocket, and so got a very nasty surprise and very nearly a new naval piercing.

“What the fuck?!”

He pulled them out and gave a groan. It was too much, he just wanted his sleeping pills, he just wanted to not be conscious anymore, he just wanted to –

He just wanted to know what the scrap of paper sticking out one of the pipes was.

Distracted from himself for a second, he pulled the paper out and unrolled it. It was the same piece that he’d found with the pipes in the first place.

For a second, he looked at the scrap of paper and suddenly, he understood what it was.

It was sheet music.

The numbers corresponded to the pipe and the squiggles and dots underneath were a shorthand for the length of the note.

He studied it for a few seconds, trying to work out how it was supposed to sound. Something was clawing at the edges of his memory, a long-forgotten melody. He was humming under his breath as his fingers traced over the fragile paper. It felt soft under his fingertips and delicately thin.

Like a man in a trance, he lifted the pipes to his lips and blew. The notes soared, filling the room as the pipes vibrated against Gerard’s lips sending sensation through his entire body down to his toes. He finished the melody and automatically repeated it once, twice, again and again until he lost count. Something sounded in the notes ringing in his ears, a desperation that was rising up in his chest, warming until his breath felt like it was burning his lungs.

He carried on playing. His fingertips were gripping the pipes so tightly that they started to slip against the sweat forming.

Please he thought as he played, though he didn’t know who he was talking to. Help me. I need you.

He hit the wrong note.

Just as abruptly as it had started, the trance broke. The pipes fell to the floor with a clatter and Gerard jumped, startled by the sound.

The silence was deafening. His own breathing seemed too loud, too harsh, too ragged. The room was spinning slightly. He swallowed, coughed and ran a hand through his hair.

What the fuck was he doing?! Playing panpipes and kids games of make-believe while a child was missing? He shuddered and kicked the pipes away from him. They went skidding across the floor, hitting the wall just beneath the window –

“AHH!!”

There was someone outside his basement window, pressing their face against the glass.

Gerard’s jaw dropped.

“Oh no, no fucking way,” he said, backing up against the wall as the person – boy – tapped the window with one finger. “No fucking way, this isn’t fucking possible!!!”

Apparently, all it took was one glance at the face for all the childhood memories to come rushing back. Gerard immediately recognised him, recognised the hair, the eyes, the nose, the fucking grin... it was all as familiar to him as his own.

Frank – his childhood imaginary friend - tapped at the window with one finger again.

“Oh my God.” Gerard clamped his hands to the side of his head. “Oh my God. I’ve gone insane.”

Frank stared at him quizzically, lips quirked in a curious smile, and tapped the glass a third time.

“I’ve cracked. I knew those new meds were too good to true, I knew it!” Gerard rambled, trying to step further back, solid wall behind him be damned! “Warning, possible side effects may include nausea, mania, insomnia and full-on hallucinations!!”

He rubbed his eyes desperately.

Nope, still there.

“Gerard?” Frank asked. His voice was muffled by the glass. “That you?? Let me in, it’s freezing out here!!”

Gerard blinked. How the fuck did his imaginary friend not recognise him?!

“Of course it’s me! Who else would I be?!”

Frank shrugged. “I dunno... you look different.”

“What?!”

“You look...” Frank paused. “You look taller. And your hair’s longer.”

“Yeah, it’s that thing called growing up,” Gerard muttered faintly, still not sure if he was dreaming or not.

“What? I can’t hear you!” Frank knocked on the window again. “Let me in!!”

“No!”

“Why not?!”

“Because you’re not real!!”

Frank looked slightly hurt.

“What do you mean, I’m not real?”

“I mean you’re not real! You cannot be here!! You – as the figment of my imagination, as my imaginary friend when I was a kid, with emphasis on the word imaginary, meaning not real – you physically cannot be here!!”

Frank laughed. “You still wave your arms about like that when you’re upset!”

Gerard sunk down onto the edge of his bed, trying to do those breathing exercises his therapist had taught him.

“Focus on breathing normally,” he recited. “In and out. Identify the root thought that is causing the anxiety and combat and challenge it.”

“What are you doing?” asked the root thought that was causing the anxiety.

“I’m trying not to have a fucking panic-attack here!!”

“Oh. That doesn’t sound very nice.”

“It’s not!”

“Come on Gerard, breathe,” Frank said in a sudden reassuring voice. “You can’t be that surprised to see me. You called for me!”

Gerard looked up in surprise. “What?!”

“You called for me with the panpipes! Remember? I told you - If you play my song on them, I’ll hear it and -”

“And come straight to you,” Gerard finished. Oh fuck.

“Now you’re getting it!”

This was too messed up. He was clearly having some kind of psychotic episode as a result of stress and guilt.

A shadow passed across the wall.

Gerard looked up. It was the shadow of a boy – but it wasn’t attached to anything.

“What the fuck?!!”

Gerard made a lunge towards the shadow but it took off and he went crashing painfully into the wall, sliding to the floor. He looked up blearily; the shadow was now on the wall, shaking a finger tauntingly at him.

“Motherfucker!!” Gerard groaned, pushing himself up and feeling his neck twinge painfully from where he’d hit the wall.

Frank giggled. “You swear too much! Hey shadow, come help me out here!”

Gerard watched in disbelief as the shadow flew across the ceiling and to the window. There was no way a shadow would be able to open –

The shadow pulled the latch and the window swung open.

“No!” Gerard yelled but it was too late; Frank had already pushed his way in and landed lightly on the carpet. In one leap, he launched himself at Gerard and attacked him in a tackle hug that sent them both crashing onto the bed.

“It is you!!” Frank cried, delighted. He was clinging tightly to Gerard and nuzzling his face against his chest. Gerard was frozen, pinned to the bed by a very solid and very warm imaginary friend. “You even smell the same... although...” Frank paused and sniffed Gerard’s shirt. “Huh. Ripe, like a strawberry. I like it.”

Gerard was really not sure what to say to that. Instead, he asked the first question which popped into his head, which happened to be “Hey, aren’t you supposed to have a fairy with you?”

Frank pulled back, frowning.

“Wow Gerard, your memory must be really messed up,” he said.

From somewhere above them came the sound of delicate bell chimes. Gerard stared up at the ball of light flying around the lightshade, leaving a trail of glitter in the air.

“Oh God, don’t tell me that’s –”

“Yes! That’s Tinkerbell!” Frank said. “See, you do remember!”

The ball of light fluttered down until it was inches from Gerard’s face. Up close, through the glare, he could see a tiny woman with delicate wings fluttering. She folded her arms and stared at Gerard with unmistakable dislike.

“So, you called me!” Frank said, sitting back and casually hovering a foot off the bed. Gerard felt his mouth drop. “Dude, this is awesome. I was wondering if you’d ever remember me and then I heard the pipes play earlier today but it sounded awful so I wasn’t sure if it was you but then you played them properly and I just knew it was you and you were calling me!! Do you still have your old hideout? Hey, is Mikey a bit older now? We could totally bring him along on some adventures too –”

“Woah, wait!” Gerard held up his hand to stop Frank’s rambling. “You heard the pipes play earlier?”

“Yu-huh!” Frank nodded. “The pipes are enchanted as, like, a link or shortcut to Neverland. You play them and it opens a bridge between the worlds!”

“I thought it was the whole ‘second star to the right and straight on till morning’ thing?”

“Yeah, that’s it,” Frank said with a giggle. “Not the first star though. That’ll take you somewhere weird. Us Neverfolk, though, we’ve got it built in. We already know the way. Hey!!” Frank suddenly grabbed Gerard’s hand. “You should totally come with us!!”

“What?!”

“Come to Neverland!!” Frank pulled Gerard to his feet while his own never touched the ground. “You always wanted to, so... let’s go!”

“No, wait!” Gerard protested, but Frank had already grabbed Tinkerbell and shook her over him sending down clouds of glitter. He coughed and spluttered, choking as he tried to bat it away.

“Remember, think happy thoughts!!” Frank said and gave Gerard’s hand a huge yank towards the ceiling.

Gerard promptly went flying... towards the floor.

He could hear delicate bells ringing somewhere above him, which was probably Tinkerbell laughing.

“Huh,” Frank said, tilting his head to one side. “I said think happy thoughts!”

“Yeah, that’s the problem,” Gerard said, pushing himself up to his knees and standing up. “I’m not exactly in a ‘happy thoughts’ place right now.”

Frank nearly fell out the air in shock.

“Why not??”

Gerard wasn’t too sure where to begin, so he went with the most immediate Non-Happy.

“This kid I was looking after went missing today. He literally vanished into thin air.” Depressing reality flooded back in. “It’s all my fault.”

“Probably,” Frank agreed.

Tinkerbell suddenly let out a delighted noise, waving her hands in the air. The only noises she made were the sounds of bells but Frank seemed to understand her easily enough.

“This kid,” Frank asked Gerard. “Is he kinda short with black hair?”

“Yes... why?” Gerard asked slowly.

“Ha!” Frank crowed triumphantly as Tinkerbell did a somersault and sprinkling glitter everywhere. “Oh the cleverness of me!! Tink says she heard from the mermaids that they’d seen a new child on the pirate ship today!”

“Keep it down, if Mikey hears you-!” Gerard hissed. “Wait... pirate ship?”

“Yeah, the mermaids were saying Captain Hook had been going on about some new plan to ‘get that blasted Peter Pan once and for all’... He keeps calling me that,” Frank grumbled. “You’d think after 50 times, he’d get the memo.”

“Wait wait, Captain Hook has Pete?!” Gerard interrupted.

Frank shrugged. “Probably. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s tried kidnapping a child to get to me.” He shot a knowing look at Tinkerbell, who rolled her eyes. “Hey Gerard, do you still have that neat hideout in the garden? Can we go play –”

“We have to go to Neverland. Now.”

Frank folded his arms and laughed, floating a few feet away from Gerard. “Well well well, look who’s now all Mr We-have-to-go-NOW! Come on Gee, I haven’t seen you for ages! Let’s play!!”

“I don’t want to fuckin – Uhrg! Fine!!” They were wasting time. “If you take me to Neverland and we get Pete back, I’ll play with you.”

Frank looked doubtful. He floated towards Gerard, hovering off the ground so they were standing eye-to-eye. It was alarming to see how young Frank really looked.

“I give my word,” Gerard said, holding up his little finger. “Pinky swear.”

Frank considered it for a second and then his face split into a brilliant grin.

“Deal!” he said, linking his finger with Gerard’s. “Seriously dude, you still use pinky swear though?”

Gerard pretended not to hear him. “How do I know for certain it’s Pete though?”

“It’s too much of a coincidence,” Frank said casually. “The pipes play and then this kid goes missing?”

A lightbulb went off in Gerard’s head. “Pete had tried to play them earlier!!”

Frank’s eyes were wide with excitement. “That’s probably how Hook found him! Well, what are we waiting for?! Let’s go! Gee, think that happy thought!!”

Gerard closed his eyes and focused. He’s alive. He’s OK. He’s in Neverland.

“Why’s it not working?” Frank’s voice broke through his thoughts.

Gerard opened his eyes. Yup, still on the ground.

“Maybe I’m... maybe I’m too big?” he suggested delicately. Behind them, Frank’s shadow nodded in agreement while Frank’s own head remained motionless.

“No way, you can’t be! I mean...” Frank turned to Gerard. “Sure, you’re older but you’re not old. You’re, what, 12? 13?”

Gerard and Tinkerbell stared at him. Meanwhile, Frank’s shadow was waving its arms, desperately trying to catch Gerard’s attention, and nodding furiously.

“Uh, yeah... sure. I’m 13.” Gerard said. Tinkerbell made a noise of disbelief.

“I knew it!” Frank said, clicking his fingers. “Yeah, you’re still good. Adults aren’t allowed in Neverland.”

“Uh huh,” Gerard said as non-committal as possible. He couldn’t even pass for 21 anymore.

“Hmm... you could just be out of practice. Maybe if we went on the roof –”

“I don’t think we have time for that,” Gerard hastily interjected. “I mean... uh... I’m still too worried about Pete to really think happy thoughts.”

“Why?” Frank looked confused. “You know he’s safe –”

“Yeah but – just but!” Gerard sighed. “So there’s no way for me to get to Neverland?”

“Of course not!” Frank laughed. “I’ll just carry you!”

Before Gerard could protest, Frank had grabbed him by the wrists and suddenly, he was flying. OK, so he was still in his bedroom but he was no longer on the floor and he wasn’t falling –

“OK everybody, here we go! Off to Neverland!!” Frank yelled.

“What?! NO!!” Gerard cried. Not this way!! He wasn’t even ready, he didn’t even have shoes on!!

Tinkerbell went soaring ahead through the open window and far too late, Gerard realised that was where he was headed too. There was a blast of cold air and they were in the garden and –

And his bare foot caught on the window ledge.

Gerard screamed as his hands slipped out of Frank’s grip and he landed heavily on the damp grass. He lifted his head, spitting out grass and mud. For one glorious second, he hoped he’d imagined it all, or that Frank had just gone on without him. However, he’d barely had time to catch his breath before a hand seized his left ankle and hoisted him up – and up.

“AHHH!!!”

Frank laughed. “Relax Gee, it’s easier to carry you this way!”

He accelerated towards the sky and they shot up past the house at an alarming rate. The ground fell away at such a rapid speed Gerard felt sick but then before this could process, he realised that they were above the rooftops with the entire street below them.

“Frank, are you sure this is the easiest way?!” Gerard yelled. His hands flailed wildly beneath him.

“Lighten up Gee! What happened to your sense of adventure?”

“I think I left it on the ground...”

He heard tiny bells ringing as a ball of glitter and light whizzed around his head; Tinkerbell was definitely laughing at him, the fucker!

Gerard had been trying to push his hair off his face but the wind kept blowing back in his eyes and mouth. He quickly realised this was a mistake anyway when he saw through a momentary gap in his hair just how far up in the air Frank had flown and they were still going higher.

“Oh my God, oh my God, I’m going to die.” They were so high that Gerard couldn’t even make out the individual cars on the road anymore, only the headlights as rivers of light. “Oh fuck me, this is high!”

“You wanna go higher?! Awesome!!”

Gerard’s scream trailed behind them like a curse, drowned out by the wind roaring past his ears and then –

And then, in his pocket, his phone vibrated.

“What the fuck?”

He twisted to look up at his feet (and woah, there was a weird and worrying thought... looking up at his feet). Frank was soaring above him, one hand tightly gripping Gerard’s ankle.

“Woah Gee, your entire leg just vibrated there!”

Gerard looked at his pocket. Who the hell would be calling him at this time?!

Trying to navigate his phone out his pocket at 20,000 feet without dropping it was one of the more terrifying experiences that Gerard would have been happy to never repeat. He nearly lost his Lucky Lighter when he was getting his phone out and in the process to save it, accidentally dislodged a few loose coins and sent them plummeting down out of sight.

“Sorry!” he called down. He hoped they didn’t land on anyone.

Holding his phone tightly in his hand, he checked his screen. Two missed calls, one new message, all from Mikey.

“just saw u being kidnapped by peter pan. what should i tell mom?”

Gerard considered his wording carefully before typing it out.

“apparently Pete is in neverland. dont ask :/ tell mom ive heard from Bert and gone to talk to him.”

Mikey’s reply came almost instantly.

“right. u no shes going to freak out WAY more from that than the truth? watch out for captain hook. when in doubt clap ur hands and say u believe in fairies.”

Gerard wasn’t sure if Mikey was mocking him or not when two messages buzzed through, one right after the other.

“btw this is totally a normal conversation to have in all seriousness.”

“bring him back home g. BE CAREFUL.”

~*~*~

They’d been flying for about 40 minutes by Gerard’s watch (which was starting to get ice crystals forming under the glass) and he was starting to suspect that this may not have been a good idea.

“Frank?” he called up.

“What?”

“How long does it take to get there?”

Frank laughed. “Come on Gee, you know this one! Second star to the right and –”

“Straight on till morning,” Gerard finished, horror-struck. Morning was still a good few hours away and Gerard’s hands had already gone numb from the cold. “Isn’t there a short-cut or something??”

Frank laughed again. Gerard assumed that was a no.

He couldn’t see the ground anymore. Frank had pulled them above the clouds, soaking Gerard in the process - hey, who knew? Clouds were made of fucking water! His clothes had dried off slightly but the wind was cold and he still felt damp all over.

“I am so getting ill from this,” he muttered, pulling his hoodie sleeves over his hands in a futile attempt to warm them up and tried to remember what the warning signs for hypothermia were.

Kids didn’t worry about things like pneumonia, Gerard abruptly realised. Kids didn’t worry about things like the long-term effects of being stuck in damp, cold clothes for too long. Most kids had never spent an entire winter in an apartment with no heating because they’d had to choose between paying the bills or booze.

What the fuck was he doing, going to Neverland?!

Oh, Pete. Right. Rescue mission. He wondered if it might have been easier to just ask Frank to bring the kid back for him.

Goddammit, Pete better be grateful for the rescue...

He closed his eyes and tried to pass the time. Frank didn’t seem to be in a very chatty mood any more. Gerard had long ago gotten used to the gentle swaying in the wind. It was soothing. Comforting. He wasn’t even feeling that cold any more either.

He focused on his thoughts. He let his mind wander...

He hoped they didn’t meet any airplanes.

“Gerard!! Wake up!!”

Tinkerbell flicked his nose. Gerard snorted with surprise.

“Wha -?” he asked, disorientated. Upside down, flying – what?!

“When did the sun come up?!” he asked dumbly.

It felt like he’d only just closed his eyes but the dark starry night had been replaced by a beautiful pink and orange dawn sky.

“You were snoring,” Frank said, giving him a shake. “We’re nearly there!”

In an attempt to ‘help’ wake Gerard up, Frank briefly let go of his ankle and let him fall a few feet before catching him. The adrenaline rush certainly worked better than any espresso but the accompany heart attack and hysterical laughter from Frank was something Gerard could have done without.

A little more awake, he stretched and yawned, looking up – uh, down. Right. Still upside down. They’d descended below the clouds and were now flying over the sea with New Jersey, home and land long gone behind them. The light reflected off the surface, sparkling and reflecting a thousand colours that hinted at something magical underneath and Gerard was momentarily hypnotised by it, staring deeply into the water and trying to make out what he could see. On the horizon, there was the brilliant ball of light of the sun, balancing where the sea met the sky. He squinted, staring into it and shielding his eyes with his hand. There was something in the centre of it, something solid. The more Gerard focused on, the more its shape was defined.

He blinked and suddenly, he could see it.

“Gee, look! There it is!” Frank called. “It’s Neverland!”

He hovered for a second and then abruptly let go of Gerard’s leg again, dropping him unceremoniously onto... a cloud?!

Gerard looked at the fluffy surface between his splayed fingers. Yup. Definitely a cloud, and yet as solid as a ledge.

“Gee, look!!” Frank said impatiently, pointing over the edge of the cloud. Hesitantly, Gerard peered over.

“Holy shit!!”

His first thought was extreme vertigo – fuck, they were high up. However, he then forced himself to look past the distance and at the island and there was no mistaking it.

It was Neverland.

It was like something straight out a child’s story book. An irregular shape of an island with various coves, forestry and a mountain rising up out middle. Everything seemed to sparkle in the morning light and as they got closer, Gerard could even make out some of the finer details. He could see a small pillar of smoke rising up from a campfire in an Indian settlement on the edge of one of the cliffs. In a cove, mermaids jumped in and out of the sea, lounging on rocks and flipping their hair. And on the farside of the island, peering just over the tops of the trees, there were the topmost tips of a pirate ship with a Jolly Rodger fluttering in the wind.

“Frank!!” Gerard said excitedly, gripping the edges of the cloud. “There’s the pirate ship!!”

“I know!” Frank replied. He grinned at Gerard. “So, wanna go get Pete back?”

Gerard nodded eagerly. “What’s the plan?”

“Plan?” Frank asked. “I never need a plan. I make things up as I go along!”

Before Gerard could point out that this wasn’t necessarily the best way to go about things, Frank had grabbed Gerard by his ankle again and took off, diving off the cloud in a dangerous nosedive that made Gerard’s ears pop as they plummeted. Gerard’s reply was lost in his scream.

“Shh, they’ll hear you!” Frank said – and then let go, dropping Gerard a few feet into the crows nest at the top of the ship’s mast.

“Wait!” Gerard said, scrambling to his feet but Frank had already flown off, leaving Gerard stranded.

Well... fuck.

A quick peek over the edge of the wooden railing showed that the deck below was completely deserted. If Gerard was quick, he might be able to climb down and look for Pete before the pirates got back from... wherever they were. With shaking legs, he clambered over the edge of the mast and started climbing down the rigging.

The deck was still completely deserted when Gerard finally touched down. Frank was also nowhere to be seen.

Gerard cleared his throat nervously.

“Pete?” he called out, wincing. His voice sounded too loud. He tried again, a bit quieter. “Pete?”

And then chaos erupted. In the blink of an eye, there were suddenly pirates everywhere, roaring, yelling, brandishing swords and – what the fuck, one of them threw a heavy net over Gerard’s head, making his knees buckle under the weight of it. He hit the desk face-first, all the air rushing out his chest.

“Fetch the captain!!” one of the pirates yelled. “We’ve got a stowaway!”

Rough hands were grabbing Gerard by the shoulders and hoisting him to his feet. He was still too winded to fight back and instead, dazed, he peered up through the gaps in the net. He was completely surrounded by pirates.

“Get the captain!!” someone yelled and it suddenly hit Gerard who they meant – Captain Hook.

“Oh fuck!” Gerard hissed. He started squirming, trying to free himself from the net, and promptly received a heavy slap to the back of his head from the pirate restraining him.

Forget pirate, Gerard thought, looking up – and up - at the guy. This guy could give the Incredible Hulk a run for his money in terms of size.

“Less of that, lad,” Pirate Hulk growled in Gerard’s ear. His breath stank of rum and halitosis, and he gave Gerard’s arm a painful squeeze. “No fun making you walk the plank with a sword through your chest.”

Gerard gulped. Where the fuck was Frank!?

An awed hush had fallen over the pirates, which Gerard knew could only mean one thing; the Captain had arrived.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

He looked up in the skies but there was still no sign of Frank. He was going to have to do this alone. Gerard took a deep breath. Well, he’d gotten himself into this mess, he could get himself out of it. Mentally, he started running through all the things he could say, preparing his arguments to get Pete back. After all, Hook was a grown man. They could surely talk this one out like reasonable adults. (Gerard chose to ignore the fact that he himself had never been particularly reasonable.)

The crowd of pirates parted, revealing Captain Hook, and that entire train of thought just went completely flying overboard. Gerard’s jaw dropped and all words he’d planned dried and died on his tongue. A strange ringing filled his ears and thoughts in his head skipped round and round on repeat like a broken record.

No. It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be. No. It wasn’t possible.

There was no way this could be happening. It had to be a weird coincidence, just a little oddness in the universe that meant Captain Hook was completely doppelganger of Gerard’s ex, Bert.

“What do we have here?” Captain Hook shouted, and oh fuck, this really was happening. It even sounded like him...

“A stowaway, Captain!” replied Pirate Hulk. He’d bellowed in Gerard’s ear but Gerard didn’t even notice. Gerard would have recognised Bert anywhere. This wasn’t a strange look-a-like. This was the real deal.

His ex-boyfriend was Captain Hook.

How the fuck had this even happened?!

“A stowaway, you say?” Captain Hook looked at Gerard, taking a step towards him (Gerard couldn’t think of him as Bert. It was too fucked). “How did you get aboard my ship, lad?”

Gerard couldn’t form words. He could only stutter and stammer out random letters.

“Are you a mute?!” Captain Hook demanded. “Speak up!”

And then, someone shouted his name.

“Gerard!!”

One of the pirates behind Hook came forward, a small child struggling to get out of his grip.

“Pete!” Gerard yelled. He forgot he was being restrained by a dude 150 pounds heavier than him and got another heavy slap around the head when he tried to run to Pete, this time so hard he actually saw stars. “Let him go!! He’s mine!”

Hook held up his hand and suddenly, Pirate Hulk let Gerard go. Quickly, Gerard pulled the net off, messing his hair up even worse than the overnight flying trip had done.

“That kid’s mine,” Gerard said again, pointing at Pete who’s eyes were wide and frightened. “I was looking after him when you kidnapped him. I’m here to get him back.”

He addressed all this to the pirate holding Pete instead of Captain Hook. He could do this if he didn’t actually look at Bert...

“Smee, who is this person??” Captain Hook asked, addressing the pirate holding Pete.

“I don’t – wait a minute, Captain!” Smee yelled gleefully. “I recognise him, I know who this is – it’s Gerard-bloomin’-Way!!”

There was a collective gasp from all the pirates. Captain Hook took another step towards Gerard and – and oh God, there he was, suddenly in entirely up in Gerard’s personal space, his face barely inches away from Gerard’s own. Gerard couldn’t not look at him now and fuck, it really was Bert.

He couldn’t stop the onslaught of memories he’d tried so hard to forget. Every touch, every glance, every kiss... Unconsciously, Gerard found himself leaning towards Bert just to be closer, just to feel his warmth, just to check he was solid, was real...

“Are you really Gerard Way?” Bert asked in that low tone Gerard had always found so irresistible. Gerard could only nod mutely, his eyes flickering from Bert’s eyes to his lips. The world around them, the pirates, Pete – none of it existed anymore. Gerard’s body was practically shaking with want, craving even just the slightest touch. He could feel Bert’s hot breath on his lips and could almost taste the rum within it.

“Depends,” Gerard murmured. “Who’s asking?”

“I am,” Bert said in the same voice. Gerard’s eyes fluttered open and closed against his will.

“And who are you?” Gerard asked.

Something cold and sharp pressed into Gerard’s cheek, bringing him back to painful reality.

“I am Captain Hook,” came the reply. “Now. Enough games boy. Are you or are you not Gerard Way?”

Gerard couldn’t talk. He could only nod. His entire brain felt like it had shorted out. The hard drive had crashed. Blue screen of death. The worst drug trip of all time. He couldn’t find any words to explain himself; he wasn’t even sure if his mouth was working. He could only stare at the same lines on Bert’s forehead, the same dry lips, the same strands of greasy dark hair hanging down from under the extravagant wig he was wearing. He even smelt the same; of sweat, smoke and alcohol.

“I was pretending to be Gerard when someone grabbed me, flew off and then dumped me here!!” Pete suddenly yelled, stamping on Smee’s feet (much to Smee’s credit, he winced in pain but didn’t let the boy go). “Let me go! Take him instead!!”

If Gerard had been in a clearer state of mind, he would have been pissed at how quickly that brat tried to sell him out. Instead though, he was more distracted by the fact Captain Hook was laughing. The other pirates seemed to take their cue from this and also all erupted in loud laughter.

“Oh surely, not!!” Hook said, wiping away tears of merriment. “You see, my dear lad, it doesn’t matter to me who I’ve got as hostage – just as long as Peter Pan comes to the rescue!”

Gerard looked up in alarm, finally meeting Captain Hook’s cold eyes – and oh fuck, they were totally still the same. The exact same look Bert got whenever he was about to do something really shitty.

“You can’t!!” Gerard managed to squeak as Pete yelled “Peter Pan wouldn’t fall for such an obvious trap.”

As if he’d been waiting for such a moment, there was suddenly a loud crow from the sails. Everyone looked up to see Frank floating in the air next to the Jolly Roger flag.

“Alright Hook, you wanted me and now I’m here!” he called. There was no mistaking the excitement in his voice. He gracefully flew down so that he was hovering just out of Hook’s reach above them. He reached down and gave Gerard’s hair a tug in what was probably meant to be a reassuring gesture. “Let Gerard and Pete go and I’ll go easy on you!”

“Oh really?” Captain Hook asked. “And tell me, my dear boy, how do you expect to do that if you’re already dead?? Smee!! NOW!!”

A weighted net, similar to the one that had been thrown of Gerard, was suddenly thrown down from the Crow’s nest.

“Look out!!” Gerard yelled but it was too late – the net had fallen over Frank, bringing him crashing down on top of Gerard, trapping them both.

Captain Hook gave a triumphant scream. “I did it! I caught him!! Quick, Smee, seize the boy!!”

Gerard and Frank had been struggling unsuccessfully against the netting when Pirate Hulk was back, pulling them up and to their feet. Frank’s body was pressed uncomfortably close to Gerard’s. Yup. Definitely real. Not a dream.

“What will we do with them, Captain?” Smee asked, practically skipping with delight. “Make ‘em walk the plank?”

“Of course not!” Captain Hook roared. “He’s escaped far too many times that way! No, this way is the only way to be certain...”

And he drew his sword.

Gerard felt his blood run cold. He was going to die.

“Let Gerard go, he’s done nothing wrong!!” Frank yelled, struggling against the netting.

“What, and let him go running to your precious Lost Boys and rallying the troupes? I think not!” Captain Hook sniffed. “Any last words?”

Gerard stared at the tip of the sword. The light shone off the sharpened point, blinding and deadly. He was such a fuck-up. He ruined his own life single-handedly and now he was about to get killed by his ex-boyfriend who also happened to be a fictional character.

“You can’t do this, it’s not fair!!” Frank cried, struggling to tear the net with his bare hands.

“Wait!” Pete yelled suddenly. “He’s right! You can’t do this!!”

Captain Hook turned around slowly to stare at the child. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s like Peter Pan said; it’s not fair. It’s not really very fun either,” Pete said quickly. Gerard stared at him in disbelief; his life was currently in the hands of an eight year old. “You don’t really want to get rid of Peter Pan that easily –”

“Of course I do!” Hook roared.

“No you don’t!” Pete said with a triumphant grin. “I know the stories! Think about it, Captain Hook, this wouldn’t be the most exciting one, would it? ‘Hook defeats Peter Pan when Pan is outnumbered and overpowered.’ Not exactly what the stuff of legends is made of.”

Hook opened his mouth to argue but then paused. “Go on,” he said.

“Well, what would be more fitting would be an epic battle, don’t you think?”

“Pete!!” Gerard hissed. “What are you doing?!?”

But Hook suddenly burst out laughing. “Splendid idea, good form indeed!! Oh yes, I like this plan indeed!!” He spun around to face Gerard and Frank. “Here is the deal; I shall set you free now but in three days, we will have our war. The winner shall get to decide on the fate of the boy here.”

Gerard opened his mouth to protest but Frank had already laughed. “Done!!”

He stuck his hand through a hole in the netting, holding it out to Captain Hook, who regarded it for a second and then shook it with his remaining hand.

“And Gerard Way has to fight me in this war at some point,” Captain Hook suddenly said, gripping Frank’s hand so tightly that Frank let out a cry of pain. “Or else I automatically win.”

What happened next was that one of the pirates pulled the netting off their heads, and Frank immediately grabbed Gerard and shot off towards the sky, leaving the pirate deck – and Pete – far below them. Perhaps it was just one dramatic occurrence too many for Gerard to take, or perhaps the shock of discovering who Captain Hook really was was finally wearing off, or perhaps it was just the sensation of flying. Whatever it was, it was finally too much for Gerard and as Frank continued to fly with his arms wrapped securely around Gerard’s torso and with Neverland rushing beneath their feet, Gerard felt himself pass out.

~*~*~

It’s a wonderful gift to wake up after a traumatic experience and immediately believe you’re in your own bed. Even if it’s just a fleeting sensation, there is that brief moment of security and comfort, that all you’d been through had been just a dream.

Gerard was not afforded such luxuries. All his senses seemed to come to at once.

Hearing: A jungle. Children’s laughter. The faintest sound of bells.
Smelling: Dirt. Sea air.
Feeling: Soft grass beneath him. Warm sun above him.
Tasting: ... well, his own morning breath.

He opened his eyes.

Seeing; the bright blue sky of Neverland above him, framed by a forest canopy.

“Oh no,” he groaned, dropping his arm over his eyes to try and block out the sunlight. “I’m still here.”

He sat up slowly and cricked his neck.

“Definitely not a dream, then... Fuck.”

“You swear a lot!”

Gerard jumped.

“You know, the whole ‘randomly appearing out of nowhere gets really old...” He glared up at Frank, who was standing on one of the highest tree branches. Without warning, he dove headfirst off the branch, pulling up inches from the ground and landing gracefully on his feet.

“Come on Gee, be happy!” Frank said, jumping towards Gerard and flying around him in a circle. “We’ve got a whole three days of playing ahead of us!”

The very thought filled Gerard with dread.

“Look Frank, I need to talk to you about Hook,” he began to say but Frank cut him off with an excited crow.

“Ooo, I’ve got it!! Stay here, Gee, I’ve got something to show you!!”

And without another word, he shot up into the sky and disappeared over the edges of the trees with a trail of glitter following behind him.

Gerard stared up at the sky for a few seconds, trying to work out what the hell was going on in his life right now. He needed some form of sanity... God help him, he needed another adult to talk to.

Mikey.

He reached for his phone in his pocket so quickly that he nearly lost his balance. Pulling it out with slightly shaking hands, he pressed Mikey’s number on speed dial, holding it to his ear and listening to the crackling silence... He wasn’t even sure if he could technically get signal in a place that didn’t exist...

“Gerard? Is that you?”

Mikey’s typically flat voice filled his ear.

“Gee? Can you hear me? Hello?”

Gerard cleared his throat. “Mikey?”

Mikey let out a huge sigh of relief. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah, I’m OK... I think.” It was amazing how much he felt himself relaxing just from hearing his little brother’s voice. It was comforting, familiar and safe.

“OK. So... where are you?”

“Um.” Gerard scratched his head and looked at the surrounding jungle. “Uh... Neverland?”

Mikey let out another loud exhale. “You know, if I hadn’t seen you carted off, I’d think you were on something – oh shit, sorry.”

“Yeah yeah, I know.” Gerard winced but he could see his brother’s point. “I’m still not entirely sure myself that I’m not dreaming this entire thing or having a bad reaction to my meds.”

He pinched his arm just in case. Ow. Nope. Definitely real.

“So, did you find Pete?”

“Yeah, I did,” Gerard said, rubbing his face. “Captain Hook’s got him, and also –”

He stopped, unsure how to put the next part into words.

“Gerard? What’s happened? Is he OK?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Usual little shithead, he tried to get Captain Hook to take me instead.”

“Well good to know he’s not too traumatised by things...”

“Yeah...”

“Gerard? What is?”

Mikey knew him well enough to know when Gerard wasn’t telling him everything.

“It’s – it’s Captain Hook,” Gerard said, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. “He’s – he’s Bert.”

There was a very long silence, even by Mikey Way standards. Gerard started counting in his head. One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, Three Mississippi...

“Bert as in –”

“My ex boyfriend, yeah.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

There was another pause.

“Your ex-boyfriend is Captain Hook?” Mikey asked.

“Yeah.”

“... Really??”

“Yes!!” Gerard exploded. He jumped to his feet, pacing around the clearing with his free arm flailing as he spoke (well. Yelled). “Out of everything that’s happened today, why is that the part you’re finding so hard to – what the fuck, Mikey, are you laughing at me?!”

“No,” Mikey said. He was definitely smirking though, which in Mikey Way speak was the equivalent of hysterical laughter.

Gerard hated his little brother. He was incredibly unhelpful.

“Are you sure it’s him?” Mikey asked. “I mean, OK, so I only met the guy once years ago but he didn’t seem very... pirate-y.”

“Well, the speech is all wrong but the general assholery is spot on Bert,” Gerard said grimly. Now that he wasn’t around Bert and didn’t have to face him in person, it was a lot easier to accept the horrible truth.

“OK...”

“Mikey, I’m serious!! It really is him!”

“I believe you, Gee, it’s just... You lived with the guy. How did you not know he was Captain Hook?”

“Did you??” Gerard screamed.

“Well the hook for the hand could have been a clue...”

“Fuck you!! He had two hands, he –” Gerard trailed off in horror as he suddenly realised. “Oh my God.”

“What?!”

“He had a prosthetic arm.” Mikey didn’t say anything but Gerard couldn’t stop himself from speaking. “Bert. He... Oh my God. He said he lost his arm in a motorcycle accident years ago. He used to stash drugs in the prosthetic one...”

There was a silence. Gerard could hear Mikey breathing on the other end of the line.

“Huh,” he eventually said. “So... to sum it up, you’ve basically been sleeping with one of children’s literature’s most hated villains.”

Gerard sunk down onto his knees heavily.

“Apparently.”

“Wow. You’re screwed.”

“I know.” Gerard said through gritted teeth. “This is so fucking weird.”

“Tell me about it,” Mikey agreed. “So, how did you end up in Neverland anyway?”

“I flew.”

“I know that - I saw that. What I meant was, how did you even end up all messed up in this anyway?”

“Well... uh... it turns out my old imaginary friend is actually Peter Pan.” Idly, he stuck his free hand into his pocket, feeling his Lucky Lighter still there, and his fingers closed around it.

“Really?”

“Really. Except he doesn’t actually like being called that. He’s actually called Frank.”

“Right,” Mikey said. “Of course.”

“I know.”

There was another awkward pause.

“So... how’s Mom taken the news that I’m gone?” he asked delicately. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear it or not.

“She’s still at Dale’s.” Relief rushed through Gerard. “I felt that with everything going on, the last thing she needs is to find out her eldest son’s gone AWOL to Neverland with the fairies.”

“I told you to tell her I was at Bert’s!”

“Technically, you are.”

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

There was another silence. Gerard listened to Mikey’s breathing. When he was going through the worst parts of getting clean, he used to curl up next to Mikey at night and focus on his breathing, on his brother’s heartbeat, on how his chest rose and fell with every breath. It helped, to remember that such calmness did exist but also to draw his attention onto something else alive so he didn’t have remember his own struggles with the state.

“Wait a second,” Mikey said, disturbing the silence. “Don’t you have to be a... well, a kid to go to Neverland?”

“Yup.”

“Gee, I know you still act like a teenager but I don’t think even you could pass for –”

“According to Frank, I do.”

“So Frank lied about your age?”

“Not exactly...”

Mikey gasped. “Gerard, did you lie about your age?”

“Well, Frank kinda... got it wrong and I... didn’t correct him.”

“Gerard!”

“What?! I’m getting Pete back, and that’s the main thing!”

“Yeah but dude.”

Gerard wanted to protest his innocence but he knew it was a lost cause. People got so hung on ages sometimes, and it wasn’t like he was doing anything creepy, for fucks sake, he was just trying to save Pete! He was about to ask Mikey if he could do some research on Captain Hook for him (you know, like if there was ever anything in the original book that suggested he was a drug addict from Chicago) when there was the sound of rustling, announcing someone approaching from behind him.

“Shit, someone’s coming, gotta go, bye!” Gerard said hastily and hung up.

He was not looking forward to the bill.

“Hello?” he called out. “Frankie?”

“Gee!” Frank burst out from the overgrown jungle with a huge grin on his face... and with Tinkerbell and four kids following him.

Oh God. Those couldn’t be -

“Gerard,” Frank said proudly, “These are the Lost Boys!”

Gerard stared at the four kids in confusion. Either two of them were into crossdressing (which was fine, you know. Gerard had no problem with gender issues or anything; hey, he’d dressed in drag at art school and he was still quite partial to boys in eyeliner) or...

“Boys?” he asked.

“Yeah, well,” Frank shrugged. “’Lost Boys and Girls’ was a bit of a mouthful. Anyway, Lost Boys, this is Gerard. Gerard, this the Lost Boys; Jimmy, Steve, Kitty and Lyn-Z... and where’s Ray?”

“I’m here!” came a cry and then, stumbling out a bush and tripping over a stray root came a small child sporting an impressive afro. Gerard stared at him in confusion. There was something oddly familiar about the kid.

“Awesome!” Frank said. “Anyway. Lost Boys – this is Gerard!”

“Hi Gerard,” the Lost Boys all said in a sing-song way. None of them could have been much older than eight, although the tall, lanky one called Jimmy could have maybe passed for nine at a push.

“Why’s he so big?” Kitty asked, glaring at Gerard. She’d painted a black stripe over her eyes, which were narrowed aggressively.

“And fat!” Steve added. Gerard felt this was a bit unfair, considering Steve wasn’t exactly a pixie himself.

“Gee’s one of my oldest friends, we used to play together all the time!” Frank said, ignoring the comments. “Captain Hook’s kidnapped his friend so we’ve got to get him back.”

“An adventure?” The other girl called Lyn-Z’s excitedly jumped onto a nearby tree stump and pulled a wooden sword out from the waistband of her kilt (which Gerard belatedly realised was probably the remains of her school uniform). “Peter Pan, lead us to the pirate ship and we’ll release the prisoner!”

“It’s not that simple,” Gerard said. “Hook’s got all kinds of weapons and all these dangerous pirates; you’re just kids!”

The Lost Boys all looked insulted.

“We’ve fought the pirates before and we’ll fight ‘em again!” Frank flew through the air in a circle around the group. “It’ll be awesome!”

“Yeah, remember the time they tried to kidnap Tigerliy?” Ray said. “We smashed the pirates and the crocodile chased Hook all the way back to the ship!”

Everyone in the group except for Gerard laughed at the memory.

“But then Hook killed the crocodile,” Ray finished, looking a little depressed.

“Never mind that!” Jimmy said. “Remember the time he tried to hunt us down when we were on an cowboy hunt? Frank tricked the pirates into heading straight into Mermaid Lagoon!”

“What’s in the Mermaid Lagoon?” Gerard asked.

“Mermaids. Duh,” Lyn-Z said.

Right. Of course.

“So anyway, Lost Boys, listen up!” Frank said. “Hook said we’ve got three days to get ourselves sorted for the battle.”

The Lost Boys all cheered at this.

“We’ll stab ‘em!” Lyn-Z yelled, brandishing her sword.

“We’ll smash ‘em!” Steve punched Gerard’s arm. (Ow.)

“We’ll kick ‘em!” Kitty demonstrated with a high kick, narrowly missing Gerard’s face.

“We’ll grab ‘em!” Jimmy said, and then grabbed Gerard’s crotch.

“Hey!” Gerard jumped back, swatting Jimmy’s hand away as Tinkerbell nearly fell out the sky from laughing so hard.

“There’s one small issue though,” Frank said. “Part of the deal is that Gerard has to fight Captain Hook at some point.”

It was like Christmas had been cancelled.

“He’s screwed,” Kitty said bluntly. The other Lost Boys and Gerard nodded.

“Do you even know how to fight?” Jimmy asked, poking Gerard’s soft stomach. (Gerard flinched as Jimmy reached for him, wary of another entirely inappropriate bad-touch). “You look like you’ve never even slapped someone.”

“Of course he does!” Frank said before Gerard could protest. “We used to talk about fighting Captain Hook all the time! Now’s your chance! You’ve fought before, right?”

“Yeah, technically, I guess...” Gerard trailed off, thinking about all the times he’d had the crap kicked out of him at school. He hadn’t exactly won any of those fights but then there was also the more recent time some douchebag had jumped him a club for being a fag and the fight had been pretty evenly matched (in Gerard’s opinion anyway) until Bert upped the odds in their favour and stepped in with a switch-blade.

“I can’t –” Gerard said abruptly. “I can’t fight him. Bert, I mean, Captain Hook.”

“What? Yeah sure you can!” Frank said. “Look, I know he’s kinda scary but it’s all show! It’s easy!”

“No, I can’t!! He doesn’t even fight fair!”

Even to Gerard, it sounded lame. Kitty whispered something to Steve, causing him to start sniggering.

“Look, we’ll train you!” Frank said with a reassuring smile. “It’ll just be like old times!”

~*~*~

“But you know that if you cross your fingers and if you count from one to ten, you can get up off the ground again. It doesn’t matter, the whole thing’s just a game.”
- Kids Game, Blood Brothers.

It wasn’t just like old times.

Lyn-Z had attempted to teach Gerard the basics of sword fighting. Ignoring the fact that his tutor was only four foot tall, Gerard still sucked.

Initially, he had been hesitant to fight with her properly – for all her attitude, Gerard couldn’t get past the fact that she was probably only about six or seven years old, and the pigtails and (admittedly destroyed) school uniform didn’t help. Gerard might have been many things but he was not the kind of person to willingly inflict pain on a little girl, a fact that Lyn-Z immediately took full advantage of and smashed her wooden sword into his kneecaps.

“Fight her back, you pansy!” Frank had cheered from the sidelines. Kitty, Jimmy, Steve, Ray and the ball of glitter and light that was Tinkerbell were also watching. They were also helpfully offering their own advice which mostly consisted of variants of “booo!” and “you suck!”

“This is stupid!! Captain Hook’s short but he’s not this height!” Gerard protested, jumping back as Lyn-Z made another swing for his knees. “How is this supposed to help me?!”

Steve said, “if you can’t even beat a girl...”

“What?!” Gerard spluttered. “That’s completely sexist and totally not true! Girls can fight just as well as boys –”

Lyn-Z whacked him around the back of the knees and his legs crumpled under him.

“You’re like, way taller than her!” Ray said helpfully. “Maybe that might work!”

Round two came around and Gerard took Ray’s advice, resorting to holding Lyn-Z back at arm’s length by her forehead while she thrashed uselessly at him in the same way that Mikey used to when they were kids.

“Yay Gee!!” Frank cheered as Ray clapped enthusiastically while the other Lost Boys and Tinkerbell booed. “See, you can win!”

“I can’t do this in the middle of a fucking battle – AHH!!”

Lyn-Z had stabbed him in the arm with her wooden sword. It hadn’t done any real damage but it had still fucking hurt.

The rest of the day was about as useful. Frank unsuccessfully tried to get Gerard to fly by applying copious amounts of fairy dust and then shoving him off small ledges; Kitty applied camouflage paint to Gerard’s face that made him look more like an Army-themed drag queen; Steve just outright stated “I don’t like you” to Gerard’s face; Ray tried to show Gerard his favourite places to hide in around the jungle (none of which Gerard could fit in due to being adult-sized) and all of Jimmy’s versions of “attacking” seemed to involve whipping his penis out and pissing on things.

All of this was intercepted with constant “helpful” surprise attacks from Tinkerbell, who would sneak up to Gerard and scream in his ear. For someone so tiny, she had one hell of a pair of lungs on her that could reach the most incredibly shrill notes.

To sum up Gerard’s first day in Neverland, he spent it getting his ass kicked repeatedly by small children while his childhood imaginary friend looked on in amusement. It was not one his high points.

By the time dinner rolled around, Gerard was starving and sore in places he didn’t even know he had.

“Lost Boys, food time!” Frank yelled. The Lost Boys all cheered and ran off into the depths of the forest, leaving Gerard and Frank alone in the clearing. Gerard looked up weakly from the mud puddle he was lying face-down in.

“There is actual food available, isn’t there?” he asked, thinking worriedly about that scene from Hook.

“Of course!” Frank grinned. He held out a hand to Gerard and pulled him to his feet. “Steve’s the best cook you’ll find on Neverland!”

“Huh,” Gerard said. Frank hadn’t let go of Gerard’s hand and was now leading him through the forest, flying by Gerard’s side. His hand was warm and he had a surprisingly firm grip. Gerard looked at his own hand, all bitten-down nails and ink-splattered, seeming ridiculously huge in comparison to Frank’s.

“Frank?” Gerard cleared his throat nervously.

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you let grown ups in Neverland?”

Frank paused in mid-air, still holding Gerard’s hand. “They’re boring, Gee! Grown ups tell you when to go to bed, when to get a job, brush your teeth and that kind of stuff. They don’t play or have any imagination at all! Who wants that?!”

“Yeah... I guess that sucks,” Gerard muttered. Frank started up leading again, gently pulling Gerard through the trees.

“So, why did you wait for so long to call me?” Frank asked after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

“I – I don’t know,” Gerard said truthfully. “I guess... well, stuff happened.”

He couldn’t even remember why he’d buried the box with the panpipes in.

“I went to your window once but you weren’t in there... and then every time I came back, your window was shut.” Frank sounded genuinely sad at this. “I thought maybe you were mad at me...”

“Really? I don’t remember that.”

“So you weren’t mad at me?” Frank asked, turning around to face Gerard with a hopeful expression on his face.

“Of course not!” Gerard said. Frank’s face broke into a giant grin.

“Really??”

“Yeah, really!” Gerard said earnestly, and suddenly he realised he meant it. He wanted to mean it, he wanted it to be true because that smile on Frank’s face was one of the most incredible things Gerard had ever seen. It was like a shot of pure, unadulterated joy that made everything in the world seem so much better. “I – Like I said. Stuff happened. My... my memory is kinda fucked.”

Frank giggled. “You really swear a lot now... I like it. But what’s wrong with your memory?”

Gerard couldn’t tell him the truth. He couldn’t tell him it was a mixture of hardcore drug abuse and deliberate suppression. How could you explain to someone like Frank that you had to force yourself to forget the worst things you’d been though because you’d never be able to move on with your life unless you did?

He was so wrapped up in trying to find a way to explain himself that he didn’t notice his foot get caught on a tree root until he’d tripped and Frank had to quickly catch him.

“Woah, easy there, Gee!” Frank said, holding tightly to Gerard’s arms.

“How the fuck are you so strong?!” Gerard asked in disbelief, staring at Frank’s bare feet. His own arms on default had wrapped around Frank’s waist but the kid was still in the air.

Frank let out a growling chuckle that was completely unlike the childish, gleeful shouts and whoops he’d been making all day.

“Oh, what strong arms you have, Grandmother,” he said in a low voice.

Gerard’s head shot up from looking at Frank’s dirty feet and suddenly found himself inches from hazel eyes with a mischievous gleam in them.

“I – what?” Gerard said with all the eloquence in the world.

“Frank!!!” yelled one of the Lost Boys, sounding not too far away. “Where are you?”

Frank abruptly released his hold on Gerard, letting him crash to the floor.

“We’re coming!” Frank yelled. “Come on Gee, we’re almost there!!”

And without another word, he flew off through a bush, scattering leaves everywhere. Gerard pushed himself up slowly, trying not to think about what the fuck had just happened.

“Hey! Frank! Wait up!” Gerard called out, scrabbling through the bush. “Wait for me!”

He finally managed to push his way through the bush and found himself in front of a tree that wouldn’t have looked too out of place in a Tim Burton movie. It stood taller than all the other trees in the forest, climbing high up into the sky with long twisted branches that almost looked like arms, reaching up and screaming to be saved. Delicately draped over several of the branches were ropes, some blackened with age, some fresh and bright, but all of them ended in nooses. The trunk was old and gnarly, starting about as thick as a house at the base and becoming thinner as it went up, with pictures and words carved into the wood.

“Fuck me,” Gerard breathed.

His fingers suddenly itched for a pencil and paper. He could see it now in his head... maybe a quick sketch in pencil but then inked in using dark, autumnal colours... browns, oranges, blacks... if he added pumpkins around the base, maybe added a few dying leaves onto the branches, and perhaps the hint of previous hanging victims hiding just in the shadows...

“Gerard? What you doing?”

Frank’s voice cut through Gerard’s thoughts. Gerard gave his head a small shake. Weird. He hadn’t felt the urge to do anything creative for years.

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “What is this place?”

Frank flew over to Gerard’s side and flicked his nose. “This is Hangman’s Tree,” he said with a grin. “Even the pirates don’t dare come here.”

“Why not?”

“They’re a superstitious bunch. They wouldn’t dare come to the place where so many of them have died before.” Frank laughed and flew up to one of the empty nooses, playfully swatting it and making it swing. “Anyway. Let’s go inside! I’m starving!”

He flew down and grabbed Gerard’s hand again, pulling him around the other side of the tree where Kitty was waiting for them, sitting patiently on one of the lower branches with her feet swinging beneath her and lightly holding on to one of the nooses.

“OK, stand here,” Frank said, leading Gerard to a spot between two of the roots.

“Here?” Gerard asked.

“Yup!” Frank said cheerfully. “OK – NOW!”

Kitty yanked down on the noose and – oh, of course, it wasn’t just a noose. The ground beneath Gerard suddenly disappeared and he went tumbling down the trapdoor with a yell of surprise.

~*~*~

Gerard didn’t fall for very long – certainly not long enough to hurt himself in the landing – although that might have been more to do with how the ground he landed on sloped downwards at a sharp angle, sending him uncontrollably tumbling and rolling down, arms and legs flailing in all directions until he crashed painfully into an uneven wall. Seeing stars, he slowly looked up.

“Well well well, look what the cat dragged in!” Jimmy said as Gerard slowly got to his feet, looking around.

The smell of cooking was the first thing Gerard noticed, and perhaps it was just from that alone but the entire hideout had a very homely feel to it despite the outside appearances. The room was small but in a way that was more cosy than claustrophobic, even if Gerard had to stoop slightly to not whack his head on the ceiling. Roots from the tree above them poked through in a mad tangle with various objects such as toys, pans and swords hanging from them. Bunk beds were crudely carved into hollows in the walls, and there was a fireplace at the far side where Steve was standing over a giant pot stirring something and paying no attention to Gerard.

The majority of the floor space was taken up by a fancy dining table that Gerard was willing to bet all his life savings on had been looted from the pirate ship. The legs had been sawn off to make it so short it barely reached Gerard’s knees. Ray was setting the table with a mismatched set of knives, forks and plates while Lyn-Z and Jimmy were having a very violent arm wrestling match that made Ray’s careful setting shake violently every time she slammed Jimmy’s hand down.

There was only one other doorway in the hideout next to the fireplace. Its entrance was covered by a curtain of leaves finely sewn together in a very similar style to the clothes Frank wore, clearly identifying who the room behind it belonged to.

Gerard was trying to work out how the hell he was supposed to even fit in this hobbit hole when Kitty came shooting down the slide behind him with a gleeful yell, kicking Gerard in the back. If he hadn’t grabbed one of the overhanging roots in time, he would have gone flying into the table that Ray was so painstakingly setting.

“Where’s Frank?” Steve asked Kitty as she brushed herself off and got up.

“He’s on his way down. Him and Tinkerbell are having a ‘chat’.” She made air-quotes.

“Oh, big surprise there,” Steve said, shooting a glare at Gerard.

“Leave off, Steve, it’s not his fault!” Ray said.

“Well actually, it is,” Kitty shrugged and pushed past Gerard, sitting down crossed-legged on the floor at one of the places at the table as Ray did the same. Gerard wondered how they’d even got the table down here in the first place, seeing as it was about three times the size of the hole he’d just dropped through.

“What?” he asked.

Steve glared at him, because apparently, that was the only expression he had reserved for Gerard. “Tink. She doesn’t like having to compete for Frank’s attention.”

Gerard’s mind flew to the image of an old Tinkerbell t-shirt that Bert used to own. He’d snatched it out a Goodwill drop-off point. After Mickey Mouse, Tinkerbell was one of the most recognisable Disney characters, as a blond and sassy fairy who flew around doing things like saving the rainforests with other fairies (at least, that was the impression Gerard had gotten from the various Tinkerbell movies he’d seen advertised on TV). What was the big deal?

“I’m only here for three days,” he pointed out. “Can’t she just suck it up?”

Steve snorted with laughter as he placed a basket of bread in the middle of the table.

“It’s not that simple,” Kitty said, helping herself to a slice of bread.

“Why not?”

“It’s just how she is,” Ray explained. He gestured for Gerard to come over and sit next to him, to which Gerard gratefully obliged. As he was settling on the dusty ground, Ray continued. “Tinkerbell isn’t bad, so to speak. It’s just that fairies are really small, and because they’re so small, they can’t ever feel more than one thing at a time.”

“When she’s good, she very good,” Lyn-Z said through a mouthful of bread. “But when she’s bad –”

“She’s homicidal,” Gerard finished, suddenly worried. In the book, hadn’t Tinkerbell tried to kill Wendy at one point? “Do you think she’d turn traitor and go to Captain Hook?”

“Probably,” Jimmy shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time it happened.”

~*~*~

As Frank’s ‘chat’ with Tinkerbell was clearly taking longer than expected, the Lost Boys gave up on waiting for him and started eating. Steve served up some kind of vegetable stew which was surprisingly delicious, not to mention unexpectedly healthy considering that it was cooked by feral children.

“It’s nice to have real food for a change,” Ray said through a mouthful.

“You don’t normally?” Gerard asked.

“We normally eat make-believe food,” Kitty answered before Ray could speak. “But Frank said you’d probably have an issue with that so we went with real food.”

Kitty lit some candles in the centre of the table, Lyn-Z dished up the food and when they were done, Jimmy collected the bowls and put them in a basket to the side in a way that suggested a comfortable routine long-established.

“I’ve saved some for Frank and Tinkerbell,” Steve said, putting the lid on the pot and leaving it to simmer over the dying embers of the fire.

“You guys are really well organised,” Gerard blurted out as Jimmy started to collect up the plates. “Like seriously, what the fuck, what kinds of kids tidy up after themselves?!”

He’d never been that organised when he was living with Bert. They normally ate takeaway or ready meals straight from the packet, then left the empty boxes and containers around the apartment for months afterwards.

The Lost Boys, including Steve, all laughed at this.

“We used to just leave things,” Ray explained. “But after we’d eaten real food, they started to smell really bad and then we started getting really gross maggots and flies everywhere, so we just started to clean up after ourselves instead.”

“Do you remember that?!” Lyn-Z suddenly shrieked, laughing. “That morning where I woke up and I actually had maggots in my hair?!”

“That was so gross!! And then there was the time where Steve went to cook and found all the food was covered in mold!!” Kitty added.

“It was horrible,” Ray said in a soft undertone to Gerard, unheard by the other Lost Boys as they reminisced.

“I bet it was,” Gerard agreed.

“Have you ever had maggots, Gerard?” he asked.

Gerard paused. His and Bert’s apartment was always overrun with not just maggots but cockroaches and about a hundred other bugs and types of mold. There was never any edible food in the cupboards because they didn’t go food shopping but they’d always been so wasted that they didn’t care about it anyway. “Yeah. Once or twice.”

“It’s not fun, is it?” Ray asked brightly.

“Really, really not.”

“Did you get rid of yours?”

“I – uh... I kinda just left and moved into a new home.” His Mom’s home. “What about you, Ray? What about the home you lived in before you came here?”

Ray frowned in confusion. “I’ve always lived here.”

“What? But what about your Mom -”

“I don’t remember,” Ray said and then repeated “I’ve always lived here.”

Gerard knew when not to push an issue, so he left it.

By the time Frank came back (with Tinkerbell floating behind him in an unmistakable sulk), all the plates had been tidied away and the Lost Boys were settling down comfortably on the floor in front of the fire. Gerard had tried to stay out the way again, awkwardly feeling far too big to do anything except be a useless obstacle and cause destruction at the slightest wrong move. Instead, he remained on the floor next to Ray, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

“Lost Boys, story time!” Frank said the minute his feet gracefully touched the floor as Tinkerbell flew over and settled on the ledge over the fireplace. He shot a wink at Gerard.

The rest of the Lost Boys started dragging various pillows and blankets off their beds, throwing them carelessly in piles on the floor which they immediately dropped down into. Much to Gerard’s complete surprise, instead of joining her fellow Lost Boys on the floor, Lyn-Z dumped her pillow on Gerard’s lap and sat down heavily on him, causing him to let out a little “oof!”

“What?” she asked, squirming around to get comfortable. “You look like a good pillow!”

“Lyn-Z likes Ge-raaard!” Jimmy cat-called from across the room as Frank scowled.

“Gross!” Lyn-Z flipped Jimmy the bird.

Gerard was frozen in place as this exchange took place, entirely unsure where to put his hands. The natural place seemed to be with one around her shoulder but that seemed too familiar for a kid he’d just met and he was also terrified of accidentally doing any form of ‘bad-touch’ –

And then Lyn-Z put her head on his chest and snuggled in, getting settled. Ray seemed to his cue from this and curled up against Gerard’s side, pushing himself under Gerard’s other arm and OK, now Gerard was totally at a loss of what to do.

Generally, kids didn’t like him. From what little experience he’d had with them, if they weren’t delighting in tormenting him, they normally ran screaming from “the scary grumpy man with the greasy black hair.” Finding himself with not one but two children who seemed to like him enough to treat him as a human-sized beanbag was an entirely new experience.

After minimal outward flailing (but untold depths of it inwardly), he eventually settled for putting one arm over Ray’s shoulder and lightly wrapping the other around Lyn-Z’s waist. She giggled appreciatively.

“So, how’s Tink?” Steve asked as Frank settled himself down on the largest pile of pillows and bearskins, the bowl of leftover food in his hand.

“She’s sulking,” Frank said casually through a mouthful. “Hey Steve, this is good!”

For a second, Gerard was terrified Steve was going to make a point about how Tinkerbell’s strop was his fault but all the boy did was nod, apparently satisfied at the compliment.

“So, who’s turn is it to tell the story tonight?” Frank asked.

“Story?” Gerard asked.

“We take it turns to tell the story each night,” Frank explained. “It can be any kind of story, the only rule is that they have to have a happy ending.”

“And be good,” Steve said, shooting a nasty smile in Gerard’s direction. “Hey, why doesn’t Gerard tell the story tonight? Seeing as he’s the guest and all!”

“Great idea!” Frank clapped his hands in delight. “Go for it, Gee!”

If it hadn’t been for the warm weight of Lyn-Z and Ray holding him in place, he would been bolting for the door. “I – I can’t! I haven’t got anything prepared!”

“Well, make one up!” Frank said, like it was obvious.

“I – I really can’t.”

“Sure you can!” Frank protested. “Like how we used to play, remember??”

“I – uh...” Gerard’s mind flailed around. A story. Right. How did stories begin? “Once upon a time... there was... a ... you know... a... uh... thing.”

If he really thought about it, Gerard hadn’t made anything up for years. He hadn’t used his imagination for anything particularly adventurous, not since he’d met Bert and replaced all his childhood dreams and ambitions with apathy and alcohol.

Mercifully, Kitty seemed to realise he was struggling.

“I’ve got a story,” she said, sparing him from explaining this. “OK, so once upon a time, Cinderella decided that she wanted to go exploring in the part of the castle that Captain Blackbeard had forbidden her to go into...”

Gerard let himself zone out as Kitty weaved her tale out of nothing into something. The Lost Boys all listened to Kitty in rapt silence, and for a brief second, he felt a stab of jealousy. She was clearly making the story up as she went along but she had them completely enchanted. With only the smallest of self-pitying sighs, he stared into the fireplace so didn’t have to see the look of confusion and disappointment on Frank’s face.

When had he let his imagination properly die? He wasn’t even sure if he could pin-point a general age bracket in his life. At some point, maybe, between being the classroom joke for playing Peter Pan in the school play and his failing as an adult artist, his failing as a comic book writer, at every fucking artistic career he’d tried. He’d just... given up.

If you’d asked him barely twenty four hours ago, Gerard would have said he was too old to care about such childish things like make-believe. Even sitting in the middle of it all with the golden glow coming from a real life pixie barely five foot away from him, there was still that tiny part of him that firmly said there was no such thing as faith, trust and pixie dust. Believing was just too hard. Not when real life was just so... real. So hard. So dark.

“Like... there’s so much I don’t remember. So many huge chunks of my life I don’t remember, you know? They just don’t exist in my mind anymore even though I know they happened and I know they happened to me but... it just doesn’t feel like it.”

“That’s understandable. This is a perfectly normal reaction, Gerard, especially to what you’ve been through. I’ve had many patients in your position before saying the exact same thing.”

“Yeah... I... I don’t know. I mean, I’m kinda sad about it, like... sorta lonely, you know? But at the same time, I... I think I’m OK with that too.”

“As long as you’re happy and feel that this is the best way for you to recover, then we can leave it there, but I do have to warn you, in a situation like yours, certain memories might not be so much forgotten as they are merely repressed.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that they might find other ways to let themselves – and the issues they concern – be known to you, and they can be triggered by a number of things.”

Gerard stared at the dancing shadows cast on the walls by the flames. He supposed he could make up some memories to fill in the gaps. Maybe that might help kick-start the whole imagination thing. Once upon a time, there was a loser called Gerard who was an alcoholic and in a shitty relationship, and one day, he did something incredibly stupid but it was OK because he owned a pet unicorn that shit rainbows and with a flick of its mane that was made of stardust, everything was amazing and perfect –

“And they all lived happily ever after,” Kitty finished.

~*~*~

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”
- J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan.

Frank had set Gerard up in one of the spare bunks that Gerard suspected may have started life as a shelf. It creaked ominously whenever he moved and his feet stuck out comically over the edge but it was surprisingly comfortable with a surface of pillows and a bearskin throw as blanket. Tinkerbell momentarily emerged from her sulk to throw a handful of pixie dust over the fire, extinguishing it down to a deep red glow.

“Nice,” Gerard said appreciatively. He hadn’t been too thrilled about sleeping in the pitch-black dark ever since he’d left Bert. Too many nightmares lurking in the shadows.

Tinkerbell blew a raspberry at him in response.

“Good night everyone!” Ray called from somewhere under his nest of pillows. “Goodnight Frank!”

“Goodnight Lost Boys!” Frank’s voice sounded from behind the curtain of leaves. “Goodnight Gerard!”

“Night,” Gerard said after a second. He turned onto his side so he was still facing the room, comforted by the glowing embers. A wave of tiredness rushed over him, warm and comforting after the weirdness of his day. He closed his eyes.

That night, Gerard had a nightmare.

It started off normal enough. He was at a family dinner when his Dad started saying how everything that had happened had been Gerard’s fault. He’d tried to explain himself, tried to beg, tried to make them understand but they wouldn’t listen. Instead, his Mom told him he’d ruined their dinner and he had to apologise to Mikey for upsetting him. He tried to find his brother but instead found himself climbing up a ladder to a room that said “THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GO.” He was suddenly lying on his back, staring up at florescent strips of light rushing past as a woman’s voice called out “Gerard? Gerard, can you hear me? I need you stay with me, stay with the sound of my voice...”

He sat up, still trapped in the dream. He was in a dark, twisting maze of mirrors and glass, unable to escape.

“But you can’t escape,” the maze told him, closing off the walls behind him, sealing him further and further into the depths. “You knew that...”

“What if I offer a trade?!” Gerard had screamed. “What if I gave you eight souls instead of mine?”

And then Gerard was outside, watching Frank, the Lost Boys, Mikey and Pete all walking blindly back in. Unlike Gerard’s maze of darkness and glass panes, their maze was endless corridors of bookshelves. The result was the same though; the walls shifted, splitting them all up – Lyn-Z screamed, futilely pressing her hands against the walls, trying to stop the wall moving but then she was gone. They were all gone but Gerard could hear their screams. Frank was all that was left, his back against the bookcase, sweat pouring down his face.

“Gerard, help!” he cried – and then two abnormally large, rotting hands shot out from behind the books, grabbing Frank and then –

“Wake up!!”

Blearily, Gerard opened his eyes.

“Come on Gee, wake up!!”

Frank was floating above him.

For a second, Gerard could on stare at him in confusion.

“What are you -?”

“Ahh, good! You’re up!” Frank said and yanked the bearskin blanket off him. Gerard had been sweating heavily under it, so the cool air seemed all the more arctic.

“Go ‘way,” Gerard mumbled, curling up in a ball and facing the wall. He could not deal with this, he could not deal with this un-caffeinated...

“Come on Gee!!” Frank whined, grabbing Gerard’s leg and pulling. “I’ve had an idea how we could fix your imagination!”

Gerard sat up and glared at Frank in what he hoped was an intimidating way.

“There’s nothing wrong with my imagination,” he said coldly.

Frank snorted and rolled his eyes.

“... how would you even fix someone’s imagination anyway?!” Gerard asked after an awkward pause.

“We need to get you to play more,” Frank explained. He held out a steaming cup to Gerard that he’d been holding the whole time. “You’re just a bit out of practice, that’s all!”

Gerard peered hopefully into the cup but whatever was in there was a weird orange colour and smelt spicy with a hint of fruit. Definitely not coffee.

“Is there any coffee?” he asked.

Frank’s face fell. “Only grown-ups drink coffee.”

“Right, right, of course. I just... I’ve had a cup before. I quite liked it,” Gerard lied and took a huge mouthful of the drink to cover his mistake.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t coffee but it seemed to have the same effect on his body as the first mouthful of morning coffee did; he could feel his entire body relax and just absorb the taste. He swallowed, feeling it run down his throat. It seemed to tingle, making his body feel lighter and refreshed.

“What is this anyway?” he asked, holding up the cup.

“Neverland juice!” Frank said. He grabbed the cup and took a mouthful himself before handing it back to Gerard. “Fruits, water, Neverberries and a handful of pixie dust for good measure.”

That explained the tingling, Gerard thought. He took another large gulp of it, feeling the waves of something else rush through him that tasted like... happiness?

“It’s not bad,” he admitted. “What else is there to drink around here?”

He was hoping for diet Coke or maybe just some simple orange juice if there wasn’t coffee.

“Uh... water. And the pirates have rum, but we never drink that. It’s disgusting!!” Frank pulled a face, sticking his tongue out.

Gerard made a mental note to never raid the pirate ship food supplies.

~*~*~

“Are we nearly there yet?!” Gerard asked for what felt like the hundredth time in fifteen minutes.

“Nearly!!” Frank replied in a sing-song voice, flying just ahead of Gerard.

“And I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me where we’re going?” Gerard asked, again for what wasn’t the first time.

“Not yet! Relax Gee, you’ll like this!”

“I doubt that,” Gerard muttered, then swore as he slipped on a rock and nearly sprained his ankle. Wherever they were going, it seemed to involve the most difficult route through the jungle. Frank merely skipped ahead, his feet only touching the ground whenever he felt like it, while Gerard struggled against unsteady surfaces and that thing called gravity.

“So what were you dreaming about last night?” Frank asked, falling in line next to Gerard and taking his arm to steady him.

“Huh?”

“Last night,” Frank repeated. “You looked kinda unhappy in your sleep.”

Self-disgust and shame flooded through Gerard as he remembered how easily he’d betrayed Frank and the Lost Boys in his dream.

“I... it was a nightmare,” he said, trying to keep it vague.

“Really? That’s no fun. What was it about?”

Gerard didn’t want to tell Frank it had involved him and the other Lost Boys dying horrible deaths so he stuck to the earlier parts of the dream. “Mostly just my family... My Mom and Dad and Mikey just... telling me I’m a failure and all that.”

He said it casually but when he looked at Frank, the boy’s face was twisted up in an expression of unmistakable grief.

“That’s horrible!! Why would anyone tell you that?! You’re not a failure, Gee, and you know it!”

Gerard felt something twist in his stomach in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. It was the first time anyone had said that to him so earnestly, like they truly believed it with their entire being. Sure, when he’d first got out of the hospital, his parents and brother had said the similar things but part of him had always suspected that was more to do with them pandering to his fragile state in the circumstances.

He was about to tell Frank a very heartfelt ‘thank you’ when Frank suddenly stopped.

“We’re here!” he said. “Gerard, this is Mermaid Lagoon!”

Gerard was glad Frank had said something; if he hadn’t, Gerard probably would have carried on walking right into it.

“Oh,” said Gerard, staring at it, slightly dismayed. It wasn’t so much the Technicolor lagoon as it was in the Disney film as it was more a giant, dark lake that disappeared around the corner of a cliff. Even the sky seemed to have darkened slightly overhead, casting everything in gloom. Gerard peered into the water but it was completely pitch black.

“Why’s the water so dark?” he asked.

“It just is,” Frank said casually, flying ahead over the water. “Come on, Gee!! There’s some stepping stones!”

“No there aren’t –”

As if on cue, an uneven stepping stone suddenly rose up out the water, with black liquid running in rivulets down the sides and – and – oh fuck, the stone wasn’t actually that jagged. It only appeared that way because there was a skeleton hand tightly clutching to it.

Gerard stared at the stone.

“No way. Fuck this. I am done, I am SO done.”

Frank laughed. “Come on Gee, where’s your sense of adventure?”

“Where’s your sense of mortality!?” Gerard shrieked, trying not to freak the fuck out. “Frank, that is someone’s fucking hand on that rock! What happened to them?!”

“I dunno... They probably fell in the water or something. Anyway, come on!”

And with another laugh, Frank flew off around the edge of the cliff.

Alone, the silence seemed all the more terrifying and the stillness all the more ominous.

“Frank!” Gerard hissed. “Frank!!”

He looked back behind him, wondering if he could just head back to the hideout when he suddenly heard women giggling from behind the same cliff Frank had just gone behind.

Mermaids. He could actually see real-life mermaids.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and jumped onto the rock.

He landed.

Cautiously, he opened one eye.

The stepping stone was still under his feet, surprisingly sturdy, and barely a few feet away, a second one was rising up out the water (though thankfully, this one didn’t have an extra cling-on).

“OK, I get it,” Gerard muttered. “Alright, let’s do this.”

Carefully - so fucking carefully – Gerard made his way across the lagoon. The stepping stones were smooth under his bare feet so there was no danger of accidentally stepping on a sharp edge and they seemed to have a set path, leading him to the side of the cliff. No more stones appeared when he reached it but then he saw there was a narrow ledge carved into the cliff face. Someone had thoughtfully included a rope to hold onto as well.

Gerard wrinkled his nose in disgust. Whoever had put the rope there had clearly done so many, many years ago. The rope was black and rotted and it smelt disgusting even from where he was. There seemed to be some natural hand-holds in the side of the rock though, so Gerard made his way across the ledge using those to hold himself up instead.

The water lapped at the edges of the ledge, splashing his feet and soaking the bottoms of his jeans, and perhaps he was just getting carried away with the whole creepy-dark-ominous-Dead-Man lake thing, but he could have sworn that where the water splashed his toes, it was so cold that it sent chills through his entire body.

“Fucking mermaids better be worth it,” he grumbled through gritted teeth as he rounded the corner and –

Oh.

Mermaids.

Actual mermaids.

For a second, Gerard could only stare at them, completely entranced. They were beautiful. There were five of them, surrounding the giant rock that Frank was sitting on top of, staring at him in complete devotion as he held them captive by saying... something. Gerard was too enchanted by their long hair, the vivid bright colours that matched their tails, their skin that seemed to glow with a luminescent pale green –

And then he saw their faces.

Horror flooded his gut. They didn’t have mouths. They had wide gashes instead, ugly jagged flaps that tore literally from ear to ear revealing rows of tiny, sharp teeth.

“Tell us about Captain Hook,” one of the mermaids was saying, shaking her long green hair off her face. Her voice was more fitting with the beautiful idea that had first bewitched Gerard, so musical and gentle... but the fact that it came from that mouth broke the spell completely.

“I’ll tell you about how I last tricked him and saved the day!” Frank said, jumping to his feet. “So there I was, flying around the pirate cove –”

So far, they hadn’t seen Gerard. If he could just back away, go back the way he came, silently, he could escape...

And then his toe caught on the sharp edge of a loose stone.

“Fuck!” he yelped, only just managing to stay clinging to the cliff. And then – “Oh, fuck.”

The mermaids were looking directly at him, their mouths twisted up in the most terrifying smiles Gerard had seen since his nightmares as a child. They weren’t looking at him in the same adoring manner as they were Frank. No, this was more along the lines of a pack of hungry wolves finding a defenceless lamb alone.

“Who’s this?” the pink-haired mermaid asked in a low voice.

“That’s Gerard,” Frank said cheerfully, completely oblivious. “He’s my newest Lost Boy!”

“You’re a bit... big to be a Lost Boy,” the red-head said, addressing Gerard.

“Uh yeah,” Gerard said, pulling at his collar nervously. “I’m tall for my age.”

The mermaids all ducked under the water and then in a blink, they all emerged, completely surrounding the ledge Gerard was standing on.

“You’re no boy,” said the green-haired one, batting her eyelashes at Gerard. “You’re a man.”

She reached up and stroked Gerard’s bare foot with a wet hand. It took everything in Gerard’s will power not to jump back and scream like a little girl – her hand felt exactly the same as a dead fish. Cold, clammy and slimy.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had a man around here,” she continued in a low purr. “The pirates never come near here.”

“Yeah, I wonder why,” Gerard said. He tried to edge back from her hand, only for three other pairs to suddenly grab the backs of his legs, snapping their teeth at him menacingly. “Frank!!”

Frank was still sitting on the same rock but now with an annoyed expression on his face. “Hey girls, leave him alone!”

“Oh we will,” said the red-haired one, pushing her hair back to uncover her breasts to Gerard. Gerard’s eyes went wide in horror as he suddenly realised what was going on.

“Frank!” Gerard’s voice came out in a high-pitched squeak. “Mermaids! Help me!”

There were hands pulling on the edges of his trousers, trying to – Oh God, this was actually happening, wasn’t it?

“Do you mind?!” Gerard shrieked, yanking on the waistband to hold them up.

“Come on Gerard, why are you so resistant?” the pink-haired one said, giving his jeans a firm tug.

“Look, no offense, but I’m really not –” Gerard began to say, when one of the mermaids suddenly jumped up behind him, wrapped her arms around his chest and pulled him backwards into the water with a loud splash.

For what felt like an eternity, there was just Gerard, floating down in the water. He opened his eyes, staring through the blue. It was an odd second of peace –

- and then the mermaids suddenly reappeared. Hands were suddenly grabbing his clothes, his skin, his hair, touching him in various places, trying to pull him down. He kicked, struggled, letting bubbles of precious air escape through his lips.

“Frank!!” he screamed as his head broke the surface. “Help me!!”

A hand shot up from the water and pulled him back under.

There were more of them, or at least, it felt like it. His hands lashed out, his feet were kicking, uselessly impeded and slow by the water surrounding him. He felt his feet connect with various cold, slimy bodies but it didn’t seem to do much. He gave a scream of surprise and pain that only came out in a massive bubble of air, his last gasp of air. His lungs were burning and suddenly, he was so tired.

I’m drowning he realised.

The thought should have scared him. Instead, it calmed him.

He closed his eyes and accepted it. Death was finally coming for him, it was just a little bit later than he’d expected. The various hands that were clawing at him didn’t even feel like anything any more, just various dull knocks against his body. There was no noises, no screams, only the muffled sound of his own heartbeat slowing.

Well, there were worse ways to go than death by horny mermaids, he supposed. Overdosing in a dirty alley, for one. He just hoped they didn’t write that on his tombstone.

Dimly, he registered someone pulling at his hair. Gerard’s entire body yanked up; there was a loud crash in his ears and then he was aware of being dropped painfully onto hard, dry ground. He rolled onto his side, gasping, coughing and choking as one thought managed to lodge in his brain – he was on ground. Beautiful, solid, dry ground.

“What the hell was that?!” Frank asked, his feet landing in front of Gerard’s point of view. Weakly, Gerard looked up. Frank was standing with his hands on his hips, looking down at Gerard with a furious expression on his face.

“Mermaids,” Gerard rasped. He didn’t have the energy to wipe the drops of water off his face, let alone push himself up. “They’re – in mythology – they were known for luring sailors to the deaths.”

“And that involved trying to tear your clothes off?!” Frank asked incredulously.

Gerard summoned enough energy to look down. His t-shirt had been torn right down the middle and his jeans were unbuckled and halfway down his thighs.

“Don’t –” Gerard said, shimmying his jeans back up and ignoring how the wet denim stuck to his skin in the most unpleasant way. “Don’t ask.”

“Why did they do that you?” Frank pressed, lightly hopping down so he was straddling over Gerard’s chest. Gerard was too tired to even be weirded out this. “Come on Gee, why?”

“Because it’s what they do!” Gerard said exasperatedly. “Mermaids have... well, they’ve always been a bit dangerous. And... well... they’re kinda... sexual predators.”

“Not to me,” Frank sniffed. “They adore me!”

“Because you’re still a kid.”

“So are you!”

Right. That whole ‘I’m a pre-teen’ lie.

“I’m... a bit older than you,” he said. “I guess it was just old enough for them.”

~*~*~

Frank was still sulking by the time they got back to Hangman’s Tree. To try appease him slightly, Gerard suggested they and the Lost Boys went on an Indian hunt, praying that it was more like a game of tag than a repeat of American history.

It seemed to work; Frank cheered up immediately, even more so when Gerard followed the wrong set of tracks into a cave and ended up being chased by a very angry bear. By the time lunch time rolled around, Gerard was hungry, sore and had some rather interesting injuries from where he’d had to shimmy up a tree as an escape route.

“I’ve never seen anyone move so fast!” Lyn-Z said later as they were heading back to the hideout.

“I’m just amazed you got your fat ass up that tree!” Steve said. Gerard resisted the urge to hit him.

“I think you’re getting the hang of the whole flying thing,” Frank said encouragingly. “You couldn’t have climbed up the tree that quickly without some assistance! You just needed to find some motivation!”

Privately, Gerard disagreed. If the “motivation” for flying would always have to involve something huge, terrifying and pissed-off-as-fuck chasing you, then he’d rather keep his feet on the ground, thank you very much.

“So, what’s the next adventure?” Jimmy asked from the front of the group.

“Mermaids?” Kitty suggested.

“No!” Gerard and Frank said in unison.

Ray suggested a treasure hunt which everyone agreed to, so they all paired off into teams while Frank flew off to hide the treasure somewhere in Neverland. Lyn-Z went with Kitty and Steve with Jimmy, which left Ray and Gerard to pair up. Gerard was a little relieved at this - while Kitty or Lyn-Z would have been good partners, Gerard didn’t really know Jimmy that well to want to be on his team and as for Steve.... just no.

“I’m gonna hide in a really good place this time!” he called over his shoulder as he flew off. “You’ll never find it!!”

“He always says that,” Ray said, sucking his fingers thoughtfully. “But we always do. So, where do you guys want to look?”

“Shotgun the Lagoon!!” Jimmy said.

“Be careful of the mermaids,” Gerard warned. Although he doubted that any of the Lost Boys would be in danger around them, it was best to be safe than sorry. Instead of thanking him though, Steve and Jimmy just gave him very odd looks before running off in what Gerard assumed was the direction of the Lagoon.

“Ahh, so that’s why you’re wearing a pirate shirt,” Kitty said as Lyn-Z suddenly burst into giggles. As Gerard’s shirt had been torn beyond repair, Frank had given him an off-white one when they got back from their encounter with the mermaids, having had it tucked away as a trophy from a fight he couldn’t remember.

Personally, Gerard kinda liked the shirt. With his skinny-fit jeans, bare feet and the baggy sleeves of the shirt, he felt like he could be kinda rocking the Prince Eric look. (Neverland didn’t have any mirrors so he couldn’t check and he didn’t really want to know how wrong he was anyway.)

“Yeah, the mermaids got a bit... enthusiastic,” he said, scratching the back of his head uncomfortably. This statement made Lyn-Z giggle even harder, stuffing her hands in her mouth to try and hide it. “What?! What’s so funny?!”

“Nothing, nothing,” she said, shaking her head. Kitty was equally useless, miming sewing up her lip and also refusing to say anything when he tried her.

“Anyway, we’re going to look in the hideout, so catch you later!” she said, giving Gerard and Ray a wave goodbye and then both her and Lyn-Z also ran off.

Gerard turned to his tiny partner.

“Right, so where should we try?” he asked.

“I dunno,” Ray shrugged. “We could try... ooh, how about the Pirate cove? It’s on the opposite side of the island, so the others probably won’t try there!”

It was the best (and only) suggestion they had, so Gerard went along with it.

“Great!” he said. “Lead the way!!”

For a few minutes, they walked through the jungle in companionable silence with their footsteps as the only sounds. The mossy ground under their bare feet was surprisingly soft and only slightly damp; it felt more like walking on thick velvet than actual ground.

“Why don’t you and the other Lost Boys wear shoes?” Gerard asked.

Ray shrugged. “Never needed them, I guess. Neverland’s what you need it to be, and we’ve always needed it to be a place where we don’t need shoes.”

Gerard ducked just in time under a tree branch that nearly smacked him in the face. “What about when you’re climbing rocks and trees though?” he asked. “Don’t your feet get hurt then?”

Ray shook his head. “Nope,” he said with a grin. “They just don’t. They do where you’re from, don’t they?”

“Yeah, they do,” Gerard said. He’d never have dreamed of running around barefoot in his and Bert’s old apartment. There was just too much crap and mess (and even the odd discarded needle) scattered about, plus it was always far too cold in there.

“See, that’s why it’s better here,” Ray said triumphantly. “We can run around barefoot and play all day!!”

“But you do get hurt,” Gerard said. He’s seen that Lyn-Z’s knees were pretty scraped up and Steve had already had a black eye forming from where Jimmy had punched him earlier during the Indian Hunt.

“Yeah, but that’s just... you know. Playtime’s boring if you worry too much about getting hurt! Oooh, we’re almost there!”

The jungle had thinned out as they were walking and Gerard could see the bright blue sky ahead peeking through the trees.

“So,” he said, trying to sound casual and not at all interested at all, “What were Lyn-Z and Kitty laughing at earlier?”

“Oh... that.” Ray’s face fell. “Nothing.”

“You’re a terrible liar, kid,” Gerard said.

“No I’m not!” Ray said. “And anyway, they’d kill me if I told you.”

“I’m just curious,” Gerard said. “Come on Ray, I won’t tell!”

Ray stopped and looked Gerard up and down, as if debating about whether or not he could trust him.

“Secret for a secret,” he eventually said.

“Huh?”

“Secret for a secret,” Ray repeated. “I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me one. Fair deal?”

“Sure, deal,” Gerard said.

“Shake on it!” Ray demanded, and then spat on his hand and held it out.

“Oh that’s just gross,” Gerard said.

Ray glared at him. “Shake or no deal.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Gerard muttered, rolling his eyes. He spat on his own palm and then slapped it against Ray’s, shaking firmly as their saliva squelched between them.

“Great!” Ray said. He was beaming like a ray of sunshine, and for a second, Gerard realised that he might have just been had by this small child. “OK, I’ll tell you.”

He cast a nervous glance around to make sure they were alone and then leaned in and gestured for Gerard to do the same.

“OK so... so the reason why Kitty and Lyn-Z were laughing is because... it was Steve’s idea for you and Frank to go to Mermaid Lagoon this morning. While you were still asleep this morning, Frank was trying to work out what you could do to try and fix your imagination and Steve suggested the mermaids.”

Gerard’s dislike of Steve went up by about fifty percent but he still couldn’t see why Kitty and Lyn-Z had found this so funny.

“So?” he asked.

“So...” Ray said slowly, looking Gerard up and down again doubtfully. “Well, we all know what happens to the pirates when they get too close to the mermaids and Steve knows that you’re... well. It’s kinda obvious you’re not a kid.”

Oh.

Panic flooded Gerard.

“Does Frank know?”

“No, that’s why it’s so...” Ray trailed off, looking a bit confused. “Well. He says you’re a kid but...well... you’re not. But you don’t really act like a grown up.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before,” Gerard muttered darkly.

“No, I mean it!” Ray said earnestly. “Like, you don’t tell us what to do, you actually play with us and you really don’t like the pirates so... yeah.” He shrugged. “I like you. I don’t mind, it’s not your fault you’re old.”

“Hey!” Gerard squeaked indignantly. “I’m not that old!”

Ray giggled. “It’s OK. Kitty and Lyn-Z like you too, and Jimmy thinks you’re OK so –”

“You won’t say anything to Frank?” Gerard asked hopefully.

“Nope,” Ray said. “There’s no point, you know? You’re already here now.”

For once, Gerard was amazed by the logic of children. It was so simple and there was none of the moral dilemmas of whether it was right or wrong to continue with a lie.

“What about Steve?” Gerard asked, suddenly worried. There was no right or wrong but he suddenly had a feeling that Steve wouldn’t be above telling Frank just to spite Gerard.

Ray shrugged. “Don’t make him angry and he won’t. Besides, him and Tinkerbell think it’s more fun to watch you panic.”

Gerard supposed he should have been relieved or slightly insulted by this. Instead, he managed to say a little “oh” and that was that.

“So what’s your secret?” Ray asked.

“What?”

“Your secret!” he said, giving Gerard an expectant look. “Remember, you have to tell me one of yours now!”

“What, doesn’t my age count as one?”

Ray snorted and rolled his eyes. “It’s not a secret if people already know it!”

That was a very fair point and well made, Gerard thought. He cast his mind around for a secret he could give Ray. It wasn’t that he didn’t have any – Gerard figured he probably had more in his head than anyone else in Neverland – but as for one that he could tell a small child? Several secrets flashed through his head, each one more inappropriate than the last. The age he lost his virginity? The first time he smoked up? The fact that he had a kink for exhibitionism? The time he dressed in drag around college and then went home and then jerked off to his reflection in the mirror??

“I’m afraid of needles,” he said eventually.

Ray stared at him.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Gerard nodded. “Every time I had to have an injection, I’d either pass out or nearly pass out and that even before they’d got the fucking thing out the packet!”

Ray giggled.

“Don’t tell anyone, OK?” Gerard said. “Especially Frank or Steve.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Ray said solemnly.

“Stick a needle in my eye,” Gerard finished with a wince.

~*~*~

“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

The treasure wasn’t in the Pirate’s Cove.

“Well, that killed some time,” Ray said brightly. “I never win the treasure hunts anyway.”

Gerard looked at the cliffs around them. There were skull and crossbones carved in random points and scattered pirate swords in the sand that the sea behind them hadn’t quite managed to steal when the tide came in. He picked one up and idly tapped the nearest rock with it.

“Where’s Frank during all this anyway?” he asked. He couldn’t imagine Frank sitting still and just waiting for one of them to find him.

“He’s probably off having an adventure,” Ray shrugged. He was crouched down in the sand, hugging his knees to his chest with one arm and drawing a smiley face in the damp sand with his finger. “He does that. He goes out alone and when he comes back, you’re never absolutely certain whether he’s had an adventure or not. Sometimes, he forgets about it and doesn’t say anything and then you go outside and find the body.”

“Body?” Gerard asked. “Like an animal, right?”

Ray looked up from his sand picture and gave Gerard a pitying smile. “Yeah. Animal. Right.”

Gerard turned back to the rocks. Fuck, this shit was messed up. But then again, as he was rapidly discovering, there was certainly a much darker side to Neverland – and Frank – that he hadn’t expected. He tightened his grip on the sword and tested out the weight experimentally. It was an old-fashioned pirate one with a long, thin blade that comfortably reached from his mid-thighs to the floor, with a simple black hilt that fitted Gerard’s hand nicely.

“Avast, Captain Hook,” he said, swiping at the air at an imaginary foe. “I am here to challenge you for the child Pete Wentz!”

Ray laughed and picked up one of the other swords. “Ahh, Gerard, my long lost enemy!” he said, approaching Gerard with a rusty blade. “I accept your challenge! En guard!”

“How do we duel, fair Captain?” Gerard asked. “Are there rules to our standoff?”

“Good form!” Ray said, and then giggled. “We fight to the death!”

“But of course!” Gerard said with mock surprise. “Any others? Shall I fight with one hand behind my back to even things up?” He clenched his left hand into a fist and held it behind his back to show willing.

Ray nodded. “I wouldn’t do that in an actual fight with Captain Hook.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “You know, Frank would never let that fight happen anyway. He’s got this rule – ‘If we ever meet Hook in open fight, you must leave him to me.’”

This did not surprise Gerard at all. “I think the rules of this battle is that I just have to fight Hook, not necessarily win.”

And then, the full implications of this hit him.

He sank down onto the damp sand as gloom and despair flooded through him.

“Ray, what am I going to do?” he asked. “I can’t fight Hook – he’s – he reminds me of someone.”

Ray sat down next to Gerard, sucking on his fingers thoughtfully. “Someone bad?”

Understatement of the century.

“A very bad man,” Gerard agreed.

“Did this bad man hurt you?” Ray asked.

Gerard stared out onto the horizon, at the calm blue and green where the sea met the sky. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yeah, he did.” He could feel the breeze from the sea gently blowing in his face and through his hair. “He broke my fucking heart.”

“Oh. OH!” Ray’s eyes widened comically as he suddenly got it.

“Yeah,” Gerard said. There was a pause and then –

“It’s not fair, I was trying to get away from him!!” Gerard wailed.

Ray laughed. “Well, why don’t you just stay here then? In Neverland, with us! You and Frank could be together!”

And with all the poise in the world, Gerard fell over from his sitting position in shock. He pushed himself back up, shaking the sand out his face.

“Ray, look, I appreciate the thought but –”

“But what?!” Ray asked, wide-eyed and innocent. “You and Frank could be our fathers! Or you could be our mother, I’m sure Frank wouldn’t mind too much! And then you wouldn’t be sad anymore or have to face the bad man again!”

“Look, Ray, that’s not how it works –”

“Why not? It’s just make-believe. Anyway, Frank likes you and you like Frank –”

“Not in that way!!” Gerard protested. “Frank’s only...”

Gerard trailed off. Just how old was Frank anyway? Various versions of Frank danced in front of his memory; the one from his childhood who’d been the same height as him then, the one who’d turned up at his window two days ago, the one that had happily carried him to Neverland, the one who’d saved him from the mermaids and when he’d pulled Gerard to his feet, he’d only been a few inches shorter... Not a single one of them seemed to be at a consistent height or age, or with the proportional strength to casually carry Gerard as if he were a rag doll.

“Well, he’s too young for me,” Gerard finished lamely. He pushed himself back up to his feet and started tapping at the rocks with his sword again.

“But you could stay here, you know?” Ray’s head and massive afro popped into view under Gerard’s arm. “You don’t have to go back to... wherever it is you’re from. You should stay here!”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll think on it,” Gerard said idly. Ray’s face fell but Gerard barely noticed, suddenly distracted. He’d noticed something rather odd about the part of the cliff they were standing in front of. There were gaps between the rocks that seemed to have some kind of darkness behind them that was too solid to be part of the cliff.

“What the fuck is that?” Gerard asked, poking his sword into one of the gaps. It slid straight through up to Gerard’s arm meeting no resistance on the other side. “Oh my God, Ray, I think there’s a secret cave behind here!”

Ray clapped his hands in excitement and squealed.

“Come on, let’s see if there’s a gap big enough for us to crawl through,” Gerard said, tucking the sword through his belt.

He ran his hands along the rough cliff edge. When they came across a sizeable gap, it was so well-hidden that Gerard felt if they hadn’t been looking for it, they might never have found it.

“Ready for our own adventure?” he asked Ray. Ray nodded eagerly and with a deep breath, Gerard pushed himself through into the cave.

It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust from the bright light outside to the gloom in the cave. His eyes could make out a various shapes surrounding them piled as high as the roof.

There was a small scrabbling noise behind him as Ray climbed through the entrance.

“What is this place?” Ray asked in a whisper. His voice echoed around them.

“I don’t know.” Gerard fumbled in his pockets for his lighter. It took a few clicks to get it going and then it suddenly ignited, revealing a candle on a dressing table next to them. He lit it and then held the candle aloft.

“Holy fuck,” Gerard breathed as Ray gasped.

The cave was filled from ceiling to floor with broken furniture and toys.

“What is all this?” Gerard asked, crouching down and picking up an old Raggedy Ann doll that lay discarded on the wet floor.

“We shouldn’t be in here,” Ray said, suddenly sounding worried. “Frank’s going to be so angry when he finds out about this...”

Gerard managed to tear his eyes away from the piles of toys.

“What do you mean?” he asked. Even in the flickering candle light, there was no mistaking how Ray’s eyes were darting from the toys to the entrance.

“We – should go,” he said, taking a jerky step back towards the entrance.

“Wait a second!” Gerard grabbed Ray’s arm. “What is this place?! Come on Ray, I know you know this.”

“I – I’m – we’re not supposed to talk about it.”

“About what? Ray, where did all these toys come from??”

“If I tell you, can we go?”

“Yeah sure, but come on, tell me first!” Gerard said.

“It’s... This is the Cave of Forgotten Children,” Ray said and he suddenly looked so wretchedly miserable that Gerard felt like a complete asshole for making him say it. “All the children who come and go to Neverland... all the previous Lost Boys... Neverland’s different for everyone and when they go, all they brought is left behind.”

Ray yanked his arm out of Gerard’s hand and for a second, Gerard thought he was going to make a break for the exit, but instead, the child stepped towards one of nearest piles and picked up a half-deflated football.

“We’re not supposed to remember them,” he said, turning the object over in his hands. “Frank takes their things and we’re... we forget them.”

Gerard stared at the toys around him. So many children, so many stories behind them all... He could see the remains of a tent sticking out the closest pile to him, surrounded by skipping ropes, balls, teddy bears, water guns, dolls, hula hoops... All abandoned.

“And when you go, we’ll forget you too,” Ray said coldly. He threw the ball away from him as far as he could into the cave and ran towards the exit, squeezing through the gap, but he didn’t move fast enough for the candlelight to not pick up the tears running down his cheeks.

For a few seconds, Gerard remained motionless in the middle of the cave, clutching the Raggedy Ann doll tightly to his chest.

“What am I supposed to do?” he asked the doll. Raggedy Ann simply stared back at him with her faded smile. Gerard groaned. “Fat lot of good you are.”

He blew out the candle and followed after Ray.

~*~*~

It turned out Jimmy and Steve had found the treasure – at least, that’s what Gerard assumed from the golden tiara’s and sparkly necklaces they were wearing when he got back to the hideout. As he approached the Hangman’s Tree, he could hear the Lost Boys all cheerfully singing a rather off-key version of “Follow the Leader.”

“Looking manly, Steve,” Gerard said with a nod. “Anyone seen Frank yet?”

Lyn-Z, who was leading, answered, “He’s off having –”

“An adventure,” Gerard finished. “Any idea when he’ll be back?”

“Nope,” she said, shaking her head. “Wanna play?”

Gerard had to decline. He wasn’t in a bad mood, so to speak, he just wanted to chill out for a bit. He settled himself at the base of the tree in a nice spot of shadow and watched as the Lost Boys continued their game. They stayed close to the tree and there didn’t seem to be any kind of rules to the game other than to follow whoever was at the front of the line... except that seemed to change randomly. Apparently, whenever one of them felt like it, someone would shout out “turn around!!” or “head for the tree!” or “leap frog!” and then the line would reform and whoever happened to be at the front of that would lead.

They didn’t stick to merely playing on the ground either. Every now and then, whoever was leading would take off into the air and the rest of the Lost Boys would follow. Gerard watched them fly, utterly fascinated. They did it without even thinking, flying as naturally as walking. He was reminded of birds, little baby chicks, following in a line, except there was a darker edge to it all because he knew how vindictive they could be. He could suddenly picture the image; dark shapes with malicious grins, flying against a dark sky, following one large bird-like creature with a devastatingly cocky smile... the feathers would be fragile, almost like skeleton leaves...

“Time out!” Lyn-Z called.

“Denied!” Jimmy replied.

“Tough!” Lyn-Z replied, sticking her tongue out at him. She broke away from the line in midair and flew towards Gerard.

“What you thinking?” she asked, floating down gracefully next to him.

“I – is there any paper anywhere?” Gerard asked. He needed to draw this image, he needed to get the ideas out his head onto paper. “And pens?”

“Sure!” Lyn-Z said with a grin. “I’ve got my art supplies!”

He wasn’t expecting much, he thought as Lyn-Z lead him down into the hideout and to her bunk, and whatever he did wouldn’t be very good as he hadn’t drawn in years but... but the itch in his fingers was too great to ignore. He needed to act on it, he needed to draw, to get this down on paper before he forgot it.

“Here!” Lyn-Z said, pulling out a large trunk from under her bed. She threw back the lid with the air of a magician revealing his final ‘ta-daa!’ “Help yourself!”

“Holy shit!” Gerard said. “What do you use all this paper for?!”

The inside of the trunk was an explosion of colour of paper, card, pens, brushes, paints, glitter...

“This is my art box,” Lyn-Z said with a small, proud smile. She gestured to her bed with a nod of her head. “I like to make things.”

It was then that Gerard noticed the paper figures that decorated the wall above her bunk. There were so many of them; some marching across the walls, others standing still; some with their arms above their heads, some weeping and wailing,

“Why are they all sad?” Gerard asked.

“I don’t know,” Lyn-Z said with a shrug. “I just make them that way.”

Gerard crouched down to get a closer look. There were strings coming out the chest of one of the figures with intricately cut red butterflies attached.

“These are really good,” he said. “Like, seriously.”

“Thanks,” Lyn-Z said and for just a split second, she looked like every young, innocent child who’d just been praised for their work; proud but also slightly humbled. “They’re just a bit of fun –”

“No, seriously, you’ve got talent! Look at this,” Gerard said, gesturing to one of the smaller figures that was clearly Frank, flying above them all. “Look at the detail on his leaves! Like, your style - it’s really child-like but elegant at the same time.”

“Thanks Gee,” Lyn-Z said and Gerard suddenly realised she was blushing. “Anyway, there might be something in there you want. Just shove it back under my bed when you’re done, OK?”

And without another word, she turned around and flew back up the slide. Gerard smiled to himself and turned back to the trunk.

“OK, what have we got here,” he muttered, shifting aside some of the piles of paper and careful not to accidentally stab himself on anything sharp. He’d happily settle for one of the larger scraps of paper, he just wanted to doodle really.

He lifted a box of paints and gave a triumphant cry. There was a small, black sketchbook resting at the bottom of the trunk with some of his favourite types of fineliner black pens on top of it. A quick flip through revealed it was completely empty and his fingers twitched, the urge to draw, to write, to do something got stronger. The temptation was too much, with those lovely blank white pages calling him with the lure of a blank canvas, almost as if they’d been there waiting for him exclusively.

~*~*~

By the time Frank returned to the Hangman’s Tree, he found the Lost Boys playing a very intense game of Following The Leader. He joined in for a few goes, naturally taking the role of the leader when he suddenly realised something was off.

“What happened to the Hangman’s Tree?!” he asked, stopping the train in midair and staring at it. “It looks... different. Creepier. And when did it have pumpkins around the base?”

“I like them,” Lyn-Z said airily, floating in a lazy loop. “We could totally carve them up and pretend it’s Halloween!”

“Well, yeah,” Frank agreed, still slightly confused. “Hey, where’s Gerard?!”

“Shhh!!” Ray said, putting his finger to his lips as Kitty and Lyn-Z both grinned.

“What?” Frank asked, completely lost.

“Shh!!” Ray said again, but this time, he pointed to the base of the Hangman’s Tree. “He’s around the other side... we figured it was best not to disturb him.”

“What?! That’s stupid!! What’s he doing?!” Frank asked. He made to fly around the tree when Lyn-Z grabbed his arm.

“Be quiet, ok?” she said and even Steve was nodding.

Frank stared at his Lost Boys. What the hell was going on?

“OK, I’m leader!!” Steve yelled, flying to the front and before Frank could say anything else, the Lost Boys had disappeared off into the jungle with the sounds of their song trailing behind them.

Frank turned back to the tree, a curious look on his face. What was Gerard doing?

Quietly, with all his natural skill and agility, he landed lightly on the side of the tree and crawled around the trunk.

He let out a quiet gasp of surprise.

Gerard was sitting at the base, curled up between two of the larger roots. His knees drawn up and slanted to the side and he was bent over a sketchbook, his long hair falling over his face. His drawing hand was moving furiously across the page, colouring something in.

Frank could immediately see why the Lost Boys hadn’t wanted to disturb him. Gerard was completely oblivious to the strange creatures that were surrounding him, sitting around him a few feet away, watching him patiently. They were all different shapes and sizes, some grotesquely fat with short stumps for arms, some tall and painfully thin with their eyes bulging out their heads. Some had long, spindly fingers with one too many joints. One of them had wings, torn and tattered and shedding black leaves. Another looked like a woman in a wedding dress, covered in vivid splashes of red against the grey material. There was one closest to Frank that was starting to materialise as Gerard added in the finer details in the sketchbook; wild, crazy eyes and nothing but giant jagged teeth that reached down to its jaw, with its skeleton dangerously protruding through its leathery skin.

Frank couldn’t hold back his triumphant crow. Gerard was doing it! He was using his imagination!

Gerard jumped as if someone had thrown a bucket of water over him and the spell was broken. He automatically looked up at Frank and didn’t notice his creations slink away into the jungle, disappearing amongst the shadows.

“Hey!” Gerard said, his face splitting into a huge grin. He’d got ink smudged on his cheek. “How long you been there for?”

~*~*~

“It is not in doing what you like, but in liking what you do that is the secret of happiness.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

It was just after the Lost Boys were tidying up from dinner when Frank suddenly announced that it was Gerard’s turn to tell the story tonight.

“You skipped on last night so there’s no excuse for you no to tonight!” he said.

“But – but I can’t!!” Gerard had protested.

“Nah, you’ll be fine,” Frank said with a wink.

In desperation, Gerard volunteered to help Lyn-Z take the plates to the river so he could get her help on things.

“Can you keep a secret?” he asked as they were washing the pans.

“Sure!” Lyn-Z said, a little bit too eagerly.

“Come on, I need you to swear on this,” he said.

She put down the plate she’d been rinsing on the bank, placed one hand over her heart and held up the other solemnly. “Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye,” she recited. “Rip my throat out with a hook, and beat me with a mouldy book. And ne’er again will I breathe if these secrets here I do deceive.”

Gerard stared at her.

“That’s a bit.. um... wordy,” he said. “I didn’t know that’s how the rest of that went.”

She gave him her usual shit-eating grin. “That’s the vow we make here. We mostly shorten it to the whole ‘cross my heart’ part.”

“Right... anyway. I need your help. See, Frank’s said I have to tell the story tonight.”

Lyn-Z stared at him, clearly not comprehending just how fucked this meant Gerard was.

“So?” she asked.

“So! I can’t do it! I can’t make some story up like that!!”

“Why not?”

“I don’t have any imagination,” Gerard admitted.

Lyn-Z stared at him but then inexplicably cracked up laughing.

“Of course you do, you dummy!” she said, giving him a whack around on the arm with one of the wet plates. “Where do you think you got the sketchbook from?!”

“Your trunk?” He suddenly wasn’t sure if that was the right answer. “You know, your trunk of art supplies and stuff? It was at the bottom, I assumed it was one of yours...”

Lyn-Z shook her head and laughed.

“Nah!” She shook her head. “I don’t like drawing that much. I like making things.”

It suddenly occurred to Gerard that it was a little odd to expect a small child to own a spare leather-bound notebook with great quality paper and pens that were designed specifically for graphic artists.

“But – but –”

“Neverland is what you want it be,” she said.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, people keep saying that to me,” he said irritably.

“I don’t think you quite get it though,” she said. “You know we had make-believe food tonight?”

The plate Gerard was washing slipped out between his fingers and landed in the river with a loud splash.

“But – but – but I ate it?!”

Lyn-Z picked up the clean plates and gave him a wide smile.

“Yes,” she said. “You did.”

He was still trying to get his head around this when she kicked him.

“Come on! Let’s go back, I want to hear your story!!”

As they went back to the hideout, Gerard suddenly realised the obvious question he hadn’t asked.

“Hang on, if the meal was make-believe, why the fuck did we just wash up the plates!?”

~*~*~

When they got back to the Hangman’s Tree, the Lost Boys had already set themselves up comfortably on the floor and Frank was flying around the room in lazy circles. Ray had created a large nest of pillows for Gerard and Lyn-Z.

“Alright Lost Boys!” Frank said when Gerard and Lyn-Z had sat down. Lyn-Z had sat on Gerard’s lap again. “Gerard’s going to tell us a story tonight!”

The Lost Boys were all immediately staring eagerly up at Gerard. Even Steve seemed to be interested, although he was trying not to look it. Frank floated down, settling himself in the middle.

“Uh,” Gerard cleared his throat nervously. “I don’t really know any –”

“Of course you do! You used to tell me them all the time!” Frank protested. “Remember? The games we’d play in your garden?”

A few days ago, Gerard could barely remember that Frank even existed, let alone the games they used to play. It would have been cruel to point this out though.

“Uh,” Gerard said again. He looked at Lyn-Z, sitting in his lap comfortably. “Once upon a time, there was a princess –”

“Bor-ing!!” Kitty interrupted. “Princesses are lame!!”

“Yeah, Princesses are all girly and useless!” Lyn-Z said. “Yuk!”

“Princes aren’t much better,” Jimmy said, drawing his knees up to his chest. “They always fall in go off to do something awesome like fight a dragon but end up falling in love at the end!”

“Falling in love isn’t that bad,” Gerard said. Falling in love was actually kinda nice. It was all the shit that came afterwards when you realised you’d fallen in love with the wrong person that was the horrible part.

“It’s gross!” Lyn-Z said as the other Lost Boys and Frank nodded in agreement.

“It’s what grown-ups do,” Frank added, as if the ‘grown-ups’ was a disgusting swear word. “Grown-ups fall in love and get married and do all sorts of boring things!”

“What?! That’s not true!” Gerard spluttered. “Kids can fall in love too! Tiger-Lily totally had a crush on you!”

Gerard had assumed that the original story, the one everyone knew, was fact. The fact that the Lost Boys all shrieked in delighted disgust as Frank looked horrified pretty much confirmed this.

“No she doesn’t!” Frank protested.

“Does too!” Gerard said.

“Does not!”

“Does too!”

“Does not times a hundred!”

“Does too times infinity!”

“Does not times double infinity!!” Frank yelled.

“Does to- oh fuck it, why am I arguing with you about this?” Gerard rolled his eyes. “Fine, she doesn’t. Whatever, don’t act like you don’t play up to it. Now, back to the story!!”

Frank had gone bright red. Gerard ignored him and continued.

“OK, so once upon a time, there was a Princess but -” He held up his hand, sensing the oncoming protests. “This princess was not your normal kind of princess. She hated dresses and loved fighting, climbing and exploring.”

“Did she fight pirates?” Steve asked.

“Of course!”

“And did she hunt injuns?” Jimmy asked.

“Thousands of them!”

“What about monsters?” Ray asked.

“Without fear!” Gerard said.

There was a pause and then Ray shyly asked “What kind of monsters?”

Gerard paused. What kind of monsters would be suitable for this kind of story? He didn’t really want to scare them, especially as Ray probably couldn’t have been more than five. On the other hand, they all seemed like pretty tough kids.

“Uh, all kinds,” Gerard said. “Werewolves, mummies, zombies –”

“What about vampires?” Jimmy asked.

“Can the princess be a vampire??” Lyn-Z asked as Kitty clapped her hands delightedly. “Frank’s told us about vampires before! They’re awesome, they fly around and suck your blood!”

“And they’re allergic to sunlight!” Steve said.

“And crosses and stinky garlic!” Ray added.

Gerard decided he liked these kids. “Sure, the princess was a vampire,” he said. “She lived in this really huge, old castle filled with bats and dust and she would torment the local villagers by swooping down on them in the middle of the night and drinking their blood.”

“Cool!!” the Lost Boys all said in unison.

“She had a good life,” Gerard continued. “She loved her life and the villagers secretly all loved her too because she never actually killed them when she drank from them; sure, she gave them one hell of a scare but no one ended up dead. Plus, her presence in the area meant that other bad people who would hurt the town stayed away out of fear. This was how things were done for hundreds of years, generations passing and growing up in the town as the vampire princess stayed in her castle, never aging.”

“What a generation?” Ray asked.

“Your mom’s a generation,” Jimmy said as the other kids burst out laughing.

Gerard was about to answer when Frank beat him to it. “A generation is a growing up thing,” Frank said. “When a new generation shows up, it means the last one has grown up.”

“Yeah, that’s about right Frank,” Gerard said with a smile. “You’re all a generation of your own.”

Frank grinned. “We’re the last generation. We don’t grow up so there can’t be any more!”

Gerard didn’t bother to contradict him. “But one day, an evil pirate came upon the village,” he continued. “An evil, terrifying pirate with a hook in place of one of his hands.”

“Captain Hook!!” Ray cried, looking suitably terrified.

“Exactly!” Gerard nodded. “Hook had heard the tales of the vampire princess’s immortality and decided he wanted in on it. For one thing, he was getting old and decrepit himself so he wanted to stop aging. But as well as that, he was jealous of her ability to fly. Hook believed that if he could fly, he would be finally be able to catch that wretched Peter Pan.”

Frank let out a triumphant crow, causing giggles throughout the Lost Boys. Even Gerard grinned at this.

“So Hook kidnapped the vampire princess and took her to his pirate ship.” Gerard sketched out the ship in the air with his hands, careful not to knock Lyn-Z out his lap. “He locked her away in the hull, put crucifixes on the door so she couldn’t get out and made the crew always carry garlic on them so she couldn’t attack them.”

Gerard cleared his throat and adopted a very camp pose.

“’My dear, I have a proposal for you,’ Captain Hook said a week after she’d been locked away with only rats to feed on. ‘And it’s a very fair one – you turn me into a vampire and I will spare your life and set you free. You have three days to make your decision.’”

The Lost Boys and Frank giggled, delighted at Gerard’s impression of Hook.

“By this point, the vampire princess was half-mad with hunger so she could only hiss at him weakly in response. She knew he couldn’t be trusted; Hook was a villainous man who would twist his word. Sure, he said he’d set her free but he’d probably do it in the middle of the day. The vampire princess was well and truly trapped with no hope of escape or survival.”

There were cries of horror and outrage from the Lost Boys. Jimmy even yelled “What a fucking asshole!” (which Gerard had a nasty suspicion had been picked up from his own language. Oh well, too late to start censoring himself now).

“Someone has to save her!!” Ray cried, clutching his cheeks with his hands.

“Yeah!!” Lyn-Z agreed, her pigtails bobbing as she nodded vehemently in agreement. “He can’t just kill her!!”

Lyn-Z, Ray and Kitty all looked on the verge of tears, while Steve and Jimmy were both listening with rapt attention. They were completely absorbed in the story - far too absorbed for Gerard’s liking, especially now that he suddenly realised he had no idea how to get the vampire princess out.

“The village, meanwhile, started mourning for the vampire princess,” Gerard said, trying to stall for time. “They needed her; she protected them from other kinds of bad people. The villagers knew that they were completely defenceless without her, so they sent word to the only person who could help them...”

He paused. The entire room seemed to be holding its breath in anticipation.

“Well?” Kitty asked after the silence went on for just a second too long. “Who was it??”

“It was... an awesome person. A really rad kind of person,” Gerard said, desperately trying to think. “I mean, it’s not like the vampire princess was submitting to the usual ‘damsel in distress’ cliché, she was normally pretty competent at looking after herself, you know? I’m not implying the whole useless-woman-big-strong-man-who-will-rescue-her dichotomy, it’s just –”

“So who was it?” Steve interrupted Gerard’s rambling.

“What?”

“Who was the person the village sent for??” Steve said impatiently.

“It was... it was...” Gerard trailed off.

“Well, it’s obvious!” Frank said suddenly, a triumphant grin on his face. Like the Lost Boys, he was sitting crossed-legged, but unlike them, he was floating about two-foot off the ground. “The village would call in the only person daring, brave and clever enough to outwit Hook – the legendary Peter Pan, of course!”

Gerard grinned, relieved. “Of course, who else?” he said. The story came together instantly in his head. “Peter Pan was the boy of legends, and the village had heard many a story about him, some from the vampire princess herself. There were even some rumours that Peter and her were from a similar kind of magic, what with the whole ‘flying and never aging’ thing. So Peter Pan was called in and –”

“Tell us about Peter Pan,” Frank said suddenly. “I want a description of him.”

“Of course you would... OK, let’s see... Peter Pan. I guess, you could say he was... short.”

Frank’s face fell. “Hey!!”

“What?! You are!!” Gerard laughed.

“I meant what was he like?” Frank clarified. “You know, daring, brave, clever...”

“Well, yes, all of those,” Gerard said with a careless wave of his hand. “You could also say he was –”

“Handsome?” Frank asked. “Incredibly good looking?”

“Yeah, all of that too. And don’t forget facetious, narcissistic and callow.”

“Ha! I knew it!” Frank said proudly and winked at Gerard.

Gerard laughed, shaking his head as his hair fell over it. It was probably from the warmth from the candles that his face suddenly felt so hot.

“So, back to the story,” Gerard said, pushing his hair off his burning cheeks. “The village called in Peter Pan to save their vampire princess. He readily agreed and set off –”

“But!” Frank suddenly cut in with a sly grin. “Peter Pan wouldn’t go alone. In fact, on this adventure, I think he’d have another vampire with him.”

“Another vampire? Really?” Gerard asked. Where the hell was Frank going with this?

“Yu-huh,” Frank nodded. “This vampire was one of Peter Pan’s best friends. He was a lot bigger than all the other vampires but Peter Pan didn’t mind because he knew that this vampire was still awesome. The vampire was really pale – paler than most vampires – and had long black hair which was always hiding his face.”

Gerard had been idly playing with a strand of his own long black hair that had fallen over his face. He pushed it back, sitting upright like he’d been electrocuted and pretended not to hear Steve’s derisive snort.

“So, this vampire,” Frank continued, holding Gerard’s gaze. “He could be a bit grumpy sometimes but that was really because he was really just lonely and sad. So Peter Pan invited this lonely vampire on the adventure so the vampire wouldn’t be alone anymore...”

“Right,” Gerard said, clearing his throat. His heart felt like it was beating strangely. “And the lonely vampire was really grateful. But they had to save the vampire princess.” He gave his head a small shake, bringing himself back into the story. He’d completely forgotten about his enraptured audience. “So Peter Pan and the lonely vampire flew away to Captain Hook’s ship. They could only just hope that they’d reach it in time...

“Meanwhile, the vampire princess was starting to lose hope. Three days had passed and dawn was only hours away. Captain Hook led the vampire princess out from her prison in the hold and took her up onto the main deck, where he chained her to the mast. The chains were rubbed in garlic and holy water that burnt her, but she stood there in silence.

“‘Well, my dear?’ he asked. ‘Will you transform me into one of yours?’

“‘Never,’ she answered in a hiss. ‘You have degraded and humiliated me. I wouldn’t feed on you if you were last human on earth!’

“‘Very well, my dear,’ said Hook, and he pulled out a wooden stake. ‘You leave me no choice.’

“As you know, a wooden stake through the heart is one of the few sure-fire ways to kill a vampire. The vampire princess knew this and she closed her eyes, determined to face her death with dignity. Captain Hook raised the stake above his head, aiming for her heart – ”

Gerard paused, looking at the Lost Boys. Jimmy was rocking back and forth slightly, his knees clutched to his chest. Steve was biting his nails. Lyn-Z had buried her face in Gerard’s chest, her fist tightly clutching his shirt. Kitty’s eyes were wider than ever, exaggerated by her racoon-stripe war-paint. Ray had his eyes shut tightly.

And Frank was staring directly at Gerard with a crooked smile playing on his lips.

“And – POW!!” Gerard slapped his hands together, making all the Lost Boys jump. “Suddenly, from out of nowhere, something green and faster than a speeding bullet, faster than the speed of sound, came shooting down and snatched the stake out of Hook’s hand.”

“Peter Pan!!” Ray cried in delight.

“Got it in one!” Gerard said. “Peter Pan swooped down and challenged Captain Hook to a fight, horrified at the treatment of the vampire princess. He also used this as a distraction so that the lonely vampire could get the chains off the vampire princess and get her free.”

“I thought the chains were soaked in garlic and holy water?” Kitty asked.

Damn. Gerard had forgotten about that detail.

“They were,” Frank explained quickly. “But the lonely vampire was extra brave and didn’t let the pain show.” Frank paused and then stared directly at Gerard. “He was good at that.”

Gerard gulped.

“Uh yeah... so. The lonely vampire got the vampire princess free while Peter Pan and Captain Hook were fighting and- ”

“What about the Captain Hook’s crew?” Jimmy asked.

“The vampire princess and the lonely vampire ate them,” Gerard said carelessly. The Lost Boys all cheered at this. “So while they were taking care of the crew, Peter and Hook were engaged in a deadly and violent duel. Swords were clashing, their feet were dancing – several times, Hook thought he had Peter Pan cornered but then Peter would always fly up and out of his grasp.”

“Ha!” Lyn-Z shouted, suddenly jumping to her feet and drawing her wooden sword. “Hook’s no match for Peter Pan!!”

“Nope,” Gerard agreed. “But then, they all heard it – tick tock, tick tock, tick tock - ”

The Lost Boys all shouted in delight “The crocodile!!” as Frank rolling around in the air above them, clutching his sides as he laughed.

Gerard continued. “Hook was so terrified the minute he heard the crocodile approaching that he immediately ran screaming down into the hold, locking himself away. Meanwhile, the two vampires and Peter Pan had to fly back extra fast to the vampire princesses village to avoid sunrise. Of course, they made it, just in time. The vampire princess and her village were so grateful to Peter Pan and the lonely vampire that they offered them a place to live there forever. However, Peter Pan knew he had to go back to Neverland, so he flew away, back to Neverland where he had many more adventures.”

He paused and then couldn’t resist adding “And they all lived happily ever after.”

There was an awed silence that fell in the hideout. It lasted for about two seconds, and then the Lost Boys erupted with cheers and applause. Frank swooped around, crowing and doing backflips through the air.

~*~*~

It was a little bit later into the night when the Lost Boys were all tucked up in their beds and the sounds of soft snoring could be heard that Gerard was abruptly woken from his own sleep. For a second, he didn’t know what had woken him; and then he saw Frank was floating a few inches above him.

“Frank?!” Gerard yawned. “What are you doing?”

“Shh.” Frank pressed a finger lightly to Gerard’s lips. “Don’t wake the Lost Boys.”

“They could probably sleep through a nuclear bomb,” Gerard muttered. He made no attempt to sit up and Frank made no attempt to move. Gerard tilted his head slightly on his pillow, looking up at Frank. “What do you want?”

“I really liked your story, Gee,” Frank said with a soft smile. “It was the best one I’ve ever heard.”

Gerard raised an eyebrow. “The best ever?”

“Ever ever.” Frank nodded solemnly. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Well. Thanks.” Gerard yawned again. “Why couldn’t you wait until morning to tell me this?”

“I’d forget.” Frank shrugged. “Anyway, I had a question, about the lonely vampire.”

“What about him?”

“What happened to him? You were a bit sketchy on what happened to him...”

Gerard felt his heartbeat speed up. “Well, I guess –”

“The vampire princess offered him a place in her castle, just as Peter Pan offered him a place in Neverland,” Frank carried on, oblivious. “But you didn’t say what the lonely vampire chose.”

“I – I don’t know Frank. I guess it’s up to you.”

“Why would he choose the vampire princess over Peter Pan?” Frank asked. The only illumination in the room came from the dying embers in the fire, casting Frank’s face in half-shadow. Gerard could still see the frown. “What could the vampire princess offer the lonely vampire that Peter Pan couldn’t?”

“It’s just a story, Frank,” Gerard said. In the poor lighting, the angles on Frank’s face seemed sharper, less childlike.

“It’s not though, is it?”

Gerard stared at Frank. Their faces were so close, only inches apart. Gerard could feel Frank’s breathing on his lips. Personal space boundaries had never been Frank’s strong suit but this time, it felt different. It felt as if Frank was purposefully pushing things.

“Frank –” The next words got stuck in Gerard’s throat.

“Gee,” Frank whispered. His head moved and suddenly Gerard’s view was completely obscured by the tangled spikes of Frank’s hair. When he next spoke, his lips brushed against Gerard’s ear. “Stay here... in Neverland.”

Gerard couldn’t speak for what felt like an eternity. Frank’s body was so close that he could feel his warmth through the thin blanket that separated them. All he could see was Frank’s dark hair and a few snatches of golden pixie light and he could smell Frank’s familiar scent; Dirt. Leaves. The sea air. The smell of all four seasons rolled into one, of Christmas, of Thanksgiving, of warm coffee on a cold day, of pumpkin pie, of cigarette smoke, magic...

Up this close, it was intoxicating, making Gerard’s head spin like he was flying. Better than any drug, better than any drink and just as ultimately unsatisfying. Gerard closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.

“Gerard.” Frank’s voice was so quiet that he could have just been mouthing the words, barely breathing. “Stay in Neverland.... with me. Don’t go back.”

He could see it playing out in his mind. Him and Frank, forever. He could stay here. He’d be safe here. It would always be fun. They would fight pirates, explore Neverland and then he would tell stories to the Lost Boys at night. He would never have to worry about a single thing again. He would never have to think about recovery or depression or medication. Bills, taxes and jobs would never cross his mind. He could stay and play forever, and never get his heart broken again or waste time on useless relationships... or even get into them in the first place... and he’d never see his family again... and Pete would never go home...

Gerard’s eyes reluctantly fluttered open.

“I can’t,” he whispered. “You know that.”

Frank pulled back so quickly Gerard felt cold. “Why?” Frank asked. The hurt was unmistakable on his face.

Gerard tried to find the words. There were so many reasons to stay only the ones to go back were so much more compelling, but also so much more complex.

“I want to grow up.”

As soon as he spoke the words, he realised how true they still were. He was almost 30 and he still had some growing up to do, who knew?

Frank made a noise of disgust and rolled away.

“Fine!” he said, barely troubling to keep his voice down. “Go back and grow up!! But once you’re an adult, you can never come back here!”

And without another word, Frank flew off, disappearing behind the curtain to his room.

For a few seconds, Gerard lay in stunned silence in his too-small bunk with his feet sticking over the edge. When he turned his head, he could see Lyn-Z’s eyes reflecting out the dark. She blinked and then rolled over.

Gerard sighed and resumed staring back at the muddy ceiling.

~*~*~

Gerard had another nightmare that night.

He was back at his and Bert’s old flat. He was walking up the stairs, opening the front door and immediately drawn to the unmistakable gasps and cries of pleasure coming from behind the closed bedroom door. He glided towards it –

No, I don’t want to see this, he thought. He turned away and found himself in a long black corridor with glass walls. He could see his own reflection, scared and tired-looking, repeated the entire way down the corridor. Left or right, it didn’t seem to matter. There was no end in sight either way.

The hairs on the back of his neck suddenly stood up. Something was behind him.

Don’t turn around. If you do, it’ll get you.

He started to run but it – whatever it was – was gaining on him. He could feel hot breath on his neck, hear snapping jaws. He ran faster and then it got him, sinking its long claws into the back of his neck –

And then the wall in front of him ripped in half. Three long, spindly fingers poked their way through the crack, forcing it apart. Gerard looked up at the crack and saw from the other side of the wall there was an eye, wide, round and insane, staring at him from the other side. He spun around to find himself down a familiar alley with the stench of stale piss, vomit and alcohol so heavy in the air it was almost suffocating.

“I don’t want to see this,” Gerard said. “I don’t want to see this!”

There was a man slumped against a wall, his long, black greasy hair covering his face. There were pills scattered on the ground around him, an empty syringe still sticking in the vein of one arm and a bottle of cheep whiskey spilled next to him.

“I don’t want to see this,” Gerard repeated, trying to force himself to look away. “It didn’t happen. I can’t remember this.”

The pathetic figure of a man looked up at Gerard – really looked up – and shook his hair out his face. His skin was mottled, pale as death with bags under his eyes that suggested he hadn’t slept for months. His eyes were wild, bloodshot, tear-stained.

And of course, it was Gerard.

“I didn’t do this,” Gerard said, desperately stepping back to get away from himself.

But then the memory of himself was staring at him, laughing. With one bony finger, he hooked a finger into the corner of his mouth and pulled – pulled his flesh until it split, tearing his face in two revealing the skull and muscle underneath –

He woke up abruptly, breathing heavily. For a second, he just stared up at the tree roots above him, blinking a few times. He’d been warned one of the potential side-effects of his medication was incredibly vivid dreams but seriously, what the fuck was that?! Was that from detoxing?! It had only been three days...

Three days.

It ran through him like a jolt of electricity. Tomorrow... tomorrow he had to face Bert.

He looked around but the Lost Boys were all still fast asleep. As quietly as he could, he got up off his bunk and tiptoed his way outside.

The morning breeze of Neverland seemed to sparkle in the morning sun. Gerard took a deep breath, curling his toes in the grass as the wind gently blew past him, scattering leaves and messing up his hair.

He could stay here, he thought idly. It was wonderful, it was beautiful. If he really had to... At least he would never have to deal with all the shit back at home again.

For probably the first time in his life, Gerard decided to go for a walk to enjoy the morning. He was starting to know his way around the island well enough to not need a guide, so he set off in the direction of the sea. Fairies peeped out from behind trees and toadstools as he passed, giggling with mischief but did him no harm, contending themselves with making him jump every now and then by snapping twigs and blowing in his ear.

The air around him would occasionally shimmer and sparkled as fairies appeared out of tiny balls of lights. There were so many and flying to quickly he could barely make them out; he could only see glimpses of the faintest details.

“Hey, wait up!” he said, and started to chase them. The fairies giggled, delighted as the new game and lead him through the jungle and to the shore.

“Catch me!!” the smallest one called and flew out to the edge of a tree that was hanging by its roots at a 90 degree angle over the cliff-edge. Gerard grinned and shimmied across the tree, gripping it with his knees and not to look down at the water below. He was barely inches from the fairy when -

“Hello Gerard,” called a sultry voice.

Gerard nearly had a heart attack there and then. It was one of the mermaids from the lagoon, the green haired one. While he’d been so absorbed in playing with the fairies, he’d completely failed to pay attention to his surroundings and now he realised, he was clinging to a tree branch that dangled dangerously only a few feet above the water.

What the fuck was he doing, playing fucking games and chasing fairies?! The fairy stuck its tongue out at him and flew away.

“Hi,” Gerard said weakly, tightening his grip on the branch. He didn’t think she’d be able to reach him from the water but then again, he didn’t know if mermaids could jump very high or not.

“Long time no see,” she purred, tracing patterns in the water with a long finger. “What you been doing?”

“This and that,” Gerard replied. “Fighting pirates, exploring Neverland, all the usual things.” He looked back; if he didn’t make any sudden movements, he might be able to get back to dry land.

“My sisters and I miss you in the lagoon,” she said with a pout. “Won’t you come and visit us some time? We could do with a real man...”

“I – maybe.” Gerard shifted back along the branch, inch by inch.

She flicked up her tail and splashed him.

“You’re so jumpy,” she laughed. “You need to calm down. My sisters and I would be more than happy to assist.”

“I’m great, really. Really. Totally calm. Totally not terrified that I’m about to get drowned again by you.”

The mermaid laughed again, sounding delighted. “We might play rough, sweetheart, but no man can resist us. You’ll come crawling back once you realise what you need.”

Gerard was almost back at the cliff. He was so focused on his feet that when he stupidly said “No offense but I’m not so much into the whole mer-MAID thing,” he completely missed the mermaid’s expression change.

“Oh?” she said, her voice casual. “You’re not into one of the Lost Boys, are you?”

“Christ no!!” Gerard almost fell off the branch in horror. “They’re just kids!!” He looked at the mermaid and only then noticed that her eyes were narrowed.

“So if it’s not us and it’s not the children,” she asked slowly, “then is it the pirates?”

Gerard gulped. She looked beyond pissed off.

“None of them in particular but yeah,” he said hastily. “I guess you could say that I’m more inclined that way, pirates vs mermaids and all. So no offence, you and your sisters are very lovely and I’m really flattered you liked me, but I’m not really into... that kind of thing.”

The mermaid growled. Perhaps it was the light but her hair seemed to have gone a darker shade of green and her mouth suddenly seemed wider... and with more teeth... sharper teeth.

Sharper teeth that she was bearing in an unmistakable look of aggression.

“Oh fuck,” Gerard said.

“You’re rejecting me?” she said in a dangerously quiet voice.

“Uh... no?”

“Yes, yes you are!!” she suddenly shrieked and launched out the water. Gerard threw himself backwards, landing heavily back on solid ground, just as her arms wrapped around the tree and in a display of terrifying strength, actually yanked it out the ground, dirt and water flying everywhere. It crashed into the water in a tremendous splash, sending up a tidal wave that soaked Gerard.

“You ever come anywhere near the water again and you’ll be sorry!!” the mermaid yelled. Gerard risked peering over the edge of cliff; the tree was floating in the water in three pieces. The mermaid had an arm wrapped around one of the pieces with her hair fanning out behind her in the water. Gerard stared, fascinated. The colours were amazing, how her green hair seemed to just melt and blend into the sparkling blue water, like the ocean was part of her...

Gerard should have stopped himself from speaking but he couldn’t help it.

“Does that include the sea in general, or just the lagoon?”

The mermaid gave him a look of incredulous contempt and threw the tree stump at him. He ducked out the way as it went sailing past his head.

“Is that a no?” he asked, but she’d already gone. He could see her shimmer under the water as she swum away, getting smaller and smaller.

He sighed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the dusky pink sky. “Great going Gerard,” he muttered. “Diplomacy is totally up your alley.”

~*~*~

He traipsed back to the Hangman’s Tree trying not to feel too embarrassed about things. Just as he was glumly thinking that some people were just destined to be fuck-ups in general and he was one of them, Frank suddenly swooped in front of his vision, a huge grin on his face.

“There you are!!” Frank said, sounding relieved. “I was looking for you! The fairies said you’d gone back to Mermaid Lagoon.”

Gerard winced. “Why does everything here keeping trying to kill me via mermaids?!?”

“Probably because it’s fun?” Frank suggested, hastily adding “Not that I agree, of course,” off the death glare Gerard shot him. “Anyway, forget them, I wanted to show you something.”

He held out his hand.

Going on Frank’s last statement, Gerard stared at his hand with a deliberately dubious look.

“Come on, I promise it’s not the lagoon. Do you trust me?”

Yes. Always.

A smile broke through and he reached out, taking Frank’s warm hand and then –

“Close your eyes...”

Gerard obeyed.

“And uh... Don’t scream.”

Frank launched up into the air, yanking Gerard along behind him, and stopping high above the tree top. With a quick flick of his hand, Frank threw Gerard up and caught him with his arms wrapping around Gerard’s chest from behind.

“OK, open your eyes,” he said, giving Gerard a reassuring squeeze.

Gerard wasn’t even sure if he could out of sheer fear. The last time Frank had taken him for a flight was still vividly etched in his head.

“Relax,” Frank said in a softer tone. His breath was hot against Gerard’s ear. “I got you.”

His eyes fluttered open.

“Oh!”

“See? I knew you’d like it!” Frank said smugly.

“It’s not like I haven’t already seen it,” Gerard pointed out.

“Yeah yeah, but not like this.”

He had a point. Granted, Gerard had already seen Neverland from the air on his way in but this time, it looked different. The sky was no longer a block of blue with perfect white clouds but instead a rich range of colours that started on the horizon as a yellow so bright it was almost white that faded up into the slightest hint of mint green which carried on and darkened into swirls of turquoises... then violets, pinks and oranges over their heads and finally apexed as a midnight blue behind.

The island itself looked different too. The landscape was sharper; the cliff edges were more jagged and mountains were more defined with different peaks and heights instead of just basic triangle shapes, and he could even see rivers and waterfalls forming on them. The trees in the jungle below their feet were clearly different types and in the distance, on the shimmering sea, the pirate ship cast sharp shadows, menacing and foreboding.

“It looks... darker,” Gerard eventually said. “Realer.”

Frank rested his chin comfortably on Gerard’s shoulder, his hair brushing against Gerard’s cheek.

“You did this,” he said with a hint of pride in his voice. “The Neverland is what you make it to be.”

“It’s amazing,” Gerard said, awed. Without thinking, his hands reached up and clasped around Frank’s, holding tightly.

“I like the island this way,” Frank said. “I want you to stay. Is it working yet?”

“You just don’t give up, do you?” Gerard asked, unable to keep the grin out his voice.

Frank shook his head. “Nope!”

Gerard let out a theatrical sigh. “OK, go on then. Convince me.”

“A-ha, now you’re talking!”

Without warning, he abruptly dropped into a nosedive.

Gerard’s reply was lost in his scream. His ears popped as they plummeted, the ground rushing up to meet them at a terrifying pace and Frank suddenly yanked up, levelling them out. Gerard’s fingers brushed over the tops of tropical trees and then the trees gave way into a clearing where there was a sparkling blue lake beneath them.

“Hope you can swim!!” Frank said.

“Don’t you fucking dare!!”

Frank laughed and tightened his grip around Gerard’s waist.

“Let go of me!”

“What?! No way!!”

“Trust me!! Let go and hold your arms out.”

“I’m going to regret this...”

His face screwed up in anticipation, he let go of Frank’s arms and held them out and –

“Holy fuck!” he screamed.

Frank was still holding him tightly, his chest pressed against Gerard’s back. He could feel that security. With his arms stretched out though and the ground rushing beneath him, it felt like... well, it felt like he was flying.

“I can see why you love this so much,” he called back to Frank. Frank just laughed and crowed loudly, and Gerard couldn’t help but copy.

~*~*~*

Gerard lost track of how long they were flying around for. Frank was determined to show him every inch of Neverland that he’d never be able to see from on foot and then some. They flew up to the highest mountain, grabbed handfuls of snow and then sped back down to throw them over Mermaid Lagoon. Frank taught Gerard how to slide down a rainbow and how to ride on a star.

“You can’t ride stars!” Gerard had protested when Frank suggested it. “They’re just big balls of gas, they’re not physical objects!”

“They are here,” Frank said, and even though Gerard couldn’t see it, he could tell Frank was rolling his eyes. “They’re beautiful but they don’t really take an active part in anything, they just look on. See, they’ve been punished for something they did so long ago that none of them know what it was. Honestly Gee, haven’t you learnt anything?!”

The stars weren’t that friendly to Frank when he initially showed up; he had a mischievous was of stealing up behind them and trying to blow them out. However, one of the little ones in the Milky Way suddenly spotted Gerard and screamed out in delight.

“You’re here!!” it said, shining brightly. “And look at you!”

“Yeah, look at me,” Gerard said with a sheepish smile. A lifetime ago, or at least it felt it, he remembered lying on the cold concrete down some dirty alley and staring up at the stars, waiting for them to go out for him.

“I wanted to show him how to ride a star,” Frank said, adding “please” when Gerard elbowed him in the ribs.

Stars are so fond of fun and they seldom get to actually partake in it, so when it’s offered up, they happily partake. One of the older ones that had been waiting to fall for a while offered them a ride back down. Frank helped Gerard settle himself on it with a mid-air bow and a “good sir!” before he climbed on behind, holding tightly to Gerard. It was the same as before, with Frank’s arms around Gerard but this time, it felt more that he was holding onto Gerard instead of him holding Gerard up.

The little one that had been so happy to see Gerard winked at them.

“Happy journey!!” it said as the older star wriggled itself free and then they shot back down to earth, a trail of fire and golden sparks lighting up the sky behind them.

~*~*~

The sun was setting when Gerard and Frank made their way back to Hangman’s Tree. For once, Frank was walking normally instead of flying, keeping in step with Gerard as he held his hand. It felt weirdly standard. Occasionally, he’d skip or jump and linger in the air just a second too long or he’d fly in a brief circle around Gerard, but he’d keep coming straight back to Gerard’s side and taking his hand.

“I don’t think you’re human,” Gerard said.

Frank just laughed and swooped in a large circle through the air.

“What are you?” Gerard asked curiously.

“I’m the boy who never grew up,” Frank replied, circling around Gerard so quickly that he felt the air move. “I'm youth, I'm joy. I'm a little bird that has broken out of the egg.”

“Nah, you’re something more.” Gerard laughed. “There’s something about you. Something that’s...”

“Wonderful? Amazing? Awesome?” Frank supplied helpfully. He flipped over onto his back, lying horizontal in the air next to Gerard and looked at him with lazy eyes.

Yes.

“Magical,” Gerard said.

Frank grinned at him and Gerard felt his stomach flip.

“Stay?”

Gerard opened his mouth to give the usual “No” but then paused.

Frank didn’t seem to notice. Without missing a beat, he was back on his feet in front of Gerard.

“Oh, by the way, before I forget! I’ve got something for you!”

It was strange. Gerard had never noticed before that Frank wasn’t actually that short. Standing up, he was only a few inches shorter than Gerard. He seemed to be in some weird sort of limbo-state - too short to be an adult but too tall be a child. Gerard figured it probably something to with how Frank spent all his time flying so it was hard to judge height.

As Gerard was pondering this, Frank had pulled something out his pocket which he pressed into Gerard’s palm. It was a thimble.

“You got one for me?” he asked hopefully.

Gerard stared at the thimble in his hand. Something nagged at the edges of his mind... something significant...

“Yeah, of course,” Gerard said, fumbling in his pocket for something to give back. His fingers closed around his Lucky Lighter. “Here you go!” he said, handing it over.

Frank turned the lighter over a few times in his hands, looking at it.

“Wow!! This is cool!!”

“Yeah, just don’t set yourself on fire, OK?”

“It makes fire??” Frank was positively delighted at this news and suddenly bounced on the soles of his feet to throw his arms around Gerard in a hug. His face felt rough, pressed against Gerard’s own.

“What are you doing?!”

Gerard and Frank broke apart. Steve was standing a few feet away from them like he’d caught them doing something disgusting.

“Frank? Oh my - Frank, get away from him, now!!” Steve said, looking horrified.

Frank and Gerard exchanged confused looks.

“What?! It’s just Gee –“ Frank began to say but Steve ran up to them and reached up to grab Frank’s arm –

Reached up.

Gerard frowned in confusion.

“He has to go!!” Steve was saying, trying to physically pull Frank away. “Everything’s been wrong since he got here!!”

“Oh come on, that’s a bit harsh,” Gerard said.

Steve stared at him incredulously. “Do you really not get what you’re doing wrong?!”

“I’ve haven’t done anything!!” Gerard protested.

OK, so he’d lied about his age but what-the-fuck-ever, apparently everyone in Neverland was already aware of that.

“Yeah, come on Steve, leave off Gee,” Frank said with a warning tone in his voice.

Steve stared at Frank. “You really don’t get it, do you? You don’t get what he’s doing to you, do you?”

Frank shot a confused look at Gerard. “He’s not done –”

“Frank, when did you have armpit hair?!” Steven suddenly screamed. “Or leg hair?! And when did your voice get deeper?!”

And that was it. It was the thing that Gerard’s subconscious had been trying to tell him.

Frank quickly lifted his own arm to check and then looked horrified.

“What’s – what’s happening to me?!” he asked.

“You’re growing up, that’s what!!” Steve said angrily. “You want to be old enough to be with him, so it’s happening!!”

There was a horrified silence. Frank’s eyes met Gerard’s, wide and round and they both realised it was true.

“No it’s not!!” Frank cried. “I never want to grow up!!”

He stamped his foot and this time, Gerard saw the change. He saw how Frank’s face suddenly softened with childhood, how he genuinely shrank back down back to a child’s size.

“I never want to grow up!!” Frank repeated, his voice high. “And you can’t make me!!”

And before anyone could say anything else, Frank had turned around and taken off at a run, disappearing above the trees.

“Frank!!” Gerard yelled, starting to run after him.

“What are you doing?!” Steve asked. “Haven’t you spoilt things enough?!”

Gerard stopped and said the only response that seemed appropriate to give such a small child.

“Fuck off,” he snapped, and then continued into the woods to chase after Frank.

~*~*~

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

Frank was sitting on one of the larger roots of the Hangman’s Tree when Gerard caught up with him. He looked up at Gerard as Gerard approached, his face young and innocent.

There was an awkward silence.

“Soo...” Gerard said, swinging his arms. “That was weird.”

“What was weird?” Frank asked, blinking.

“You know, the whole thing back there? With the whole...” he trailed off as he saw the expression on Frank’s face and decided to quickly change the subject.

“There’s a lot of names carved here,” he said conversationally.

Frank just shrugged.

Gerard took a step closer, his fingers tracing over some of the names on the tree.

Jane... Slightly... Sally... Tootles... Michael... John... Wendy...

“Wendy was real??” he asked in disbelief.

Frank looked at the names under Gerard’s fingers.

“Probably,” he shrugged. “I don’t really remember.”

“What do you mean, you don’t remember? Wendy Moira Angela Darling – even I know who she was!!” Gerard spluttered.

“There’s been a lot of kids here,” Frank said in a careless tone. “I don’t really remember them individually.”

Gerard looked at the names carved up the tree trunk. There must have been hundreds, maybe even thousands...

“You must have given a lot of panpipes out over the years,” Gerard said, trying to keep the jealousy out his voice. It was stupid of him to think that he’d been special.

Frank shrugged again. “Nope. Just you.”

But that was the thing about Frank. Gerard never really knew when he was lying or not.

“I don’t believe that I took a higher priority over Wendy,” Gerard said.

“I told you – I don’t really remember the individual children,” Frank explained. “There’s been so many... so many friends, so many battles, so many adventures, so many who never–” He abruptly broke off, shooting up into the sky.

“Frank!” Gerard called.

Frank settled himself on the highest branch, hugging his knees tightly to his chest.

“Frank! Come down!”

Frank didn’t reply.

“Frank?” Gerard tried again. “Don’t make me come up there! I can’t climb trees for shit!”

He waited a few seconds for a response. When he didn’t get one, he rolled his eyes, let out a sigh and muttered to himself, “OK, let’s do this.” He put his hands on the lowest branch and hoisted himself up. Frank finally paid some attention to him, looking down, but he made no attempt to move.

It was a lot easier than climbing the tree at home, Gerard noted. The branches were thicker and sturdier, not to mention worn flat in several places, probably from years of children playing. They were also a lot closer together and easier to reach from one to the next, and in what felt like no time at all, he was pulling himself up onto Frank’s branch, straddling it and letting his legs dangle down.

And then he made the mistake of looking down at his feet.

“Oh fuck, this is a lot higher than I thought.”

Frank laughed but he was still hugging himself tightly.

“Frank? What’s wrong?” Gerard asked. He wanted to reach out, to offer some kind of comforting touch, but he didn’t want to scare Frank away. It felt like Frank was a wild bird, small and terrified, and that the slightest sudden movement would spook him into flying away. “Frank?”

“Why are you here?” Frank asked in a small voice.

“Because I’m worried about you!”

Frank shook his head. “No, not like that. I mean, why are you here. In Neverland. With me. Why did you come back?”

“You came back for me, remember?” Gerard said gently, shuffling forward as much as he dared.

“I wanted to though,” Frank said. His eyes were dark and he was staring at the ground. “But none of the others... why did I remember you? I don’t remember the others. They all grew up and left me and I forgot them and it was fine but I remembered you, I couldn’t get your stupid face out my head and I kept thinking about you after we fought and all the games we played and when I knew time had passed, I knew you’d probably changed and forgotten me like all the others but then you called me back and –”

“Frank.” Gerard said his name firmly, reaching out hesitantly and when Frank made no attempt to flee, he let his hand rest on Frank’s wrist. Frank jumped at the contact, finally looking up and meeting Gerard’s gaze. “You’re rambling.”

“You’re special,” Frank said, as if he hadn’t heard Gerard speak. “That’s got to be it. That’s why I remembered you and not the others, and why you came back. You’re meant to be here with me! You’re meant to never grow up and stay here with me!”

Frank suddenly moved so quickly that his hands were a blur, but then the next thing Gerard knew, Frank had thrown his arms around Gerard, hugging him tightly and pressing his face into Gerard’s hair. It was as if his own body had no control over itself, as Gerard’s arms were automatically wrapping around Frank’s tiny body and holding him close, never wanting to let go. Gerard had always loved hugging, loved being held, the feeling of just being physically close to another human. He could stay here.

“You’re meant to be here,” Frank said. “It’s fate!”

He was meant to be with Frank. As soon as the thought occurred to him, he realised how much he wanted it to be true. Gerard shut his eyes against the wave of guilt twisting through his insides.

“Frank... I have to tell you something.” He took a deep breath and reluctantly pulled back from the hug. “It’s about why you were... well, you know. Doing that thing you don’t want to do.”

Frank’s face was practically glowing with excitement in the moonlight. He gently stroked his hands down the sides of Gerard’s face, letting them tangle in his hair. “What? Is it about why it took you so long to call me? It doesn’t matter! You’re here now!”

“Yeah but Frank, I’m not – I’m old, Frank. I’m older than you think.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re here now,” Frank said again, and suddenly, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Gerard’s.

It was the most tender, sweet kiss Gerard had ever experienced and barely lasted long enough for his brain to register what had happened before it was over. Frank barely moved away though, instead pressing his forehead to Gerard’s.

“Frank –” Gerard whispered in a broken voice, keeping his eyes closed.

“I don’t want to be a grown up,” Frank said quietly, his breath hot against Gerard’s face. “But... if it makes you stay, I could be a little bit older. I want to good enough for you, Gee.”

“You already are,” Gerard managed to reply, taking deep, painful breaths. “But –”

“No buts,” Frank said, and then he was kissing Gerard again, cupping his face in his hands. It was so gentle, so chaste, so innocent -

Gerard pulled back, his breath escaping from his lips like a sob.

“I can’t Frank – I’m so sorry. I can’t – you don’t understand –”

But it was enough. Frank was suddenly gone and if it hadn’t been for the sudden rush of wind that rustled through Gerard’s hair or the faint shadow that disappeared into the depths of the forest, Gerard would have questioned if he’d even been there to begin with.

~*~*~

“Mikey? I fucked up.”

Gerard didn’t even bother with niceties when Mikey answered the phone. He’d turned his phone off to save the battery after the last time he’d called his brother (and also to stop his Mom from calling and accidentally having one of the Lost Boys pick up instead), promising to save it for only emergencies.

Gerard was pretty sure this counted as an emergency.

“Nothing new there,” Mikey automatically replied and then – “OK but seriously. What happened?”

“I think I made Peter Pan grow up.”

There was a pause. In the background, Gerard could hear the background bustle of wherever Mikey was.

“Oh my God, Gerard, you didn’t.” Mikey sounded disgusted.

“What? NO! Not in that way!! We just kissed!!”

“You kissed him?!” The waves of disapproval were rolling out the phone.

“In my defence, he kissed me!” Before Mikey could say anything, Gerard was wailing out “Mikey, I don’t get it! He’s all ‘oh hey Gee, come for a ride on a shooting star’ and then he’s handing out thimbles and all touchy-feely-huggy and then suddenly Steve’s all ‘you’re growing up to be with him’ and Frank’s then all ‘Ahhh no!!’ and he flies off and I can’t find him now and I have to fight Bert tomorrow and I –”

“Wait a minute, slow down, you’re not making any sense,” Mikey said. “Who the fuck is Steve?”

“He’s one of the Lost Boys,” Gerard said quickly. “But that’s not the point! Mikey, am I that repulsive?! Why doesn’t anyone want to be with me?!?”

He sank down on a nearby rock, utterly depressed.

“I mean, seriously Mikey, what’s wrong with me?! Am I –”

“Gerard, shut up.”

Gerard did.

“Frank is freaking out because he’s the Boy Who Never Grew Up and he’s suddenly growing up and all you can do is whinge about how nobody loves you!” Mikey said. He sounded noticeably angry, which meant that he was in the danger-zones of being fucking furious. Gerard was suddenly glad of the huge distance between them. “Do you even know how bad things are back here?! Mom’s heartbroken, she thinks you’ve gone back to Bert and you’re going to start drinking and using again -”

“I’m not!” Gerard said and for the first time in ages, he realised he meant it. He pushed that revelation to the back of his mind. “Anyway, what the fuck was I supposed to say?! I’ve been waiting for this stupid battle!”

“Well, why haven’t you tried to get Pete back before?”

“... what? Don’t be stupid, Bert said we had to wait -”

“You’re seriously going with that? What the fuck have you been doing for the past three days?!”

Gerard was about to tell him and then he realised. Treasure hunts. Flying. Playing games. Granted, he was drawing again but in the grand scheme of all his problems, he’d been doing exactly the same as he always did. Instead of facing them head on, he was running away from them.

No wonder Frank did go for him, he thought glumly. He was still mentally as selfish and stupid as a kid.

“Listen. Gerard. Go and get Pete back and then come the fuck back home,” Mikey said, sounding a lot more like his usual blank self. “I don’t trust Frank and you shouldn’t stay in Neverland too long.”

Gerard blinked. “Why don’t you trust Frank?”

“I’ve been doing some research,” Mikey said. Gerard could picture him pushing his glasses up his nose as he spoke and suddenly, fuck, he missed his little brother. “I went into that bookshop over on fourth, you know the one run by the Italian family that’s been there years? The guy who owns it’s in one of the bands I promote a bit so he gave me a discount... Anyway, they’ve got a whole section devoted to classical children’s literature like Alice in Wonderland and all. So I went in and asked for all their stuff on Peter Pan and the mythology behind him and they had loads of stuff. There’s a lot of stuff about the sinister side of Peter Pan, like how the whole point of the story is that children are innocent because they’re actually heartless and cruel. And there’s all this other stuff too, like how it’s mentioned in the original book how casually he kills the Lost Boys when he thinks they’re growing up or the fact that he steals children away from their mothers with promises of playing forever and never having to grow up -”

“That’s just the book though,” Gerard pointed out. “I’ve got the reality here.”

A nasty thought occurred to him as he said this though. Frank hadn’t been as affectionate over the past few days as he had been today. He’d even admitted he was trying to convince Gerard to stay in Neverland. And all those names carved into the Hangman’s Tree, all those toys in the Cave of Forgotten Children...

“Mikey, I’m an idiot,” Gerard said, screwing his eyes up.

“I know,” Mikey said comfortingly. “Listen to me. Go get Pete back. Now. Storm that pirate ship and do whatever you can to get Bert to give him back.”

There was a loud noise in the background of Mikey’s end.

“Where are you?” Gerard asked.

“Soundcheck. I’m the promoter at a local gig,” Mikey said. “Remember? You were supposed to come along to this one before... well.”

“Oh yeah... that one...”

“Gerard? Don’t go all self-righteously miserable on me,” Mikey said suddenly.

“I’ve just been had by a fucking child. It’s hard not to be anything else.”

Mikey sighed. “Look, I wasn’t say Frank was bad. He probably does genuinely like you but... just be wary, OK?”

“OK.”

“And come home, OK?”

“OK.”

“Soon, OK?”

Gerard smiled despite himself. “Soon. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Gotta go, bye,” Mikey said and then hung up with his usual brusqueness.

For a few seconds, Gerard held the phone to his ear, trying to commit as much as he could about Mikey to memory. He’d barely thought once about his family back home while he’d been here. If Frank hadn’t run off, he probably wouldn’t have even called his brother.

Neverland made you forget, he realised. That had to be it. He thought about the Lost Boys, so young and yet not one of them seemed even the slightest bit homesick for their mom’s. Heck, even Gerard didn’t miss his as much as he knew he should. And he knew he hadn’t spared a single thought for Pete since he’d last seen him.

Pete, a fucking child, being held prisoner on a pirate ship for three days because Gerard had been too busy playing.

He had to get Pete back. He had to go home.

He stood up, determination rushing through him, and at that exact moment, Tinkerbell suddenly flew out from behind a tree. She flew directly over to him, stopping inches from his face.

“Hey, Tinkerbell!” Gerard said, surprised. “Hey, where have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you for ages –”

She blew a handful of pixie dust into Gerard’s face. He coughed, spluttered – and then promptly crashed backwards, landing heavily on the ground, fast asleep.

Tinkerbell, with her hands on her hips, nodded, satisfied... and then, from out the jungle behind her, stepped Captain Hook.

While Gerard had been angsting on the phone to his brother, several things had been happening. Lead by Tinkerbell, Captain Hook and his pirates had raided the Hangman’s Tree and captured all the Lost Boys.

“Tell me where Gerard is!!” he yelled, pushing his hook into Lyn-Z’s cheek menacingly.

“We’re never telling you!” she said and stuck her tongue out at him.

“Yeah,” Ray piped up from somewhere from inside the sack he’d been shoved in. ”You’re old, ugly and mean!!”

Even Steve stayed silent as he was tied up. He would later say that it was because he’d always secretly respected Gerard but at the time, the truth was simply that he was too terrified to speak.

With the Lost Boys captured, there was nothing else to do but wait for Frank’s return, which was sooner than expected.

Momentarily, Hook was thrown by how miserable his old foe looked. He’d never seen a child with such an adult heartbroken expression on his face. He offered up no resistance when he saw the hideout was filled with pirates either. Instead, he merely put up his hands and let himself be weighted and bound.

In fact, during his capture, the only words he spoke were “again, Tinkerbell?” at his fairy. She would have felt guilt if she’d had the capacity but at the time, she was still too angry at Gerard to be anything else; like Steve, she’d been monitoring the changes in Frank.

As Gerard Way lay unconscious on the ground, Captain Hook took his hat off and crouched down next to him. He tenderly stroked his hand down the side of Gerard’s face and brushed some of the hair out his face, as a lover would do.

It is the nightly custom of every good mother after her children are asleep to rummage in their minds and put things straight for the next morning, repacking into their proper places the many articles have wandered during the day. Thoughts are like objects; they can be stored within memory chests within our heads, which our mothers will go through and sort for us while we sleep.

Unfortunately, Hook had been raised a single child by his mother on her own, who in turn, had taught him.

He didn’t spend too long rooting around in Gerard’s memories. Upon entering, he found himself in a dark, cramped room that was stuffed from floor to ceiling with various memories and thoughts in no particular order. The older ones were tattered and fraying at the edges and the most recent ones of Neverland seemed to shine brightly, more vivid in Technicolor than any of the others.

But then Hook noticed there were many - many memories that were carelessly discarded on the floor, crumpled up in the corners, hidden under piles and stacks of others. These memories were different to the old ones from childhood and the bright lights of Neverland; they were dark, their edges undefined, their images smudged and blurred and they seemed to made of something different to the other memories; they were not old parchment paper, thick leather or artists canvas, or anything that seemed to be particularly solid. They seemed to be closer to a fine lace netting, translucent and delicate, and when Hook picked one up, it shimmered and moulded against his hand and hook, feeling more like a thick liquid than anything else.

Captain Hook held the random memory up to his eye and instantly, he saw.

For a split second, he was horrified. This – this was too much. What had this man done to himself? Such self-loathing, such a desperate act...

But then the horror was replaced with glee. The things this man had done. Gerard Way was no child, and most definitely not an innocent. He should not have been here. Peter Pan had made the law himself; upon his rule, no adults were to enter Neverland... and here was one that Pan had brought in himself!!

Gerard moaned in his sleep, discomforted.

Satisfied, he put down the memory.

“You shouldn’t have left me, Gee,” he said softly. His own face shimmered up at him from various memories. “You’re mine. I’ll find a way to keep you here.”

~*~*~

“ However, as we are here we may as well stay and look on. That is all we are, lookers-on. Nobody really wants us. So let us watch and say jaggy things, in the hope that some of them will hurt.”
- J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan.

When Gerard woke up, his head was pounding. It was like the world’s worst hangover and comedown all at once.

“Gerard? Please, wake up!!”

“Come on Gee, get up!! We need you!!”

He could hear the Lost Boys calling out to him, children’s voices that sounded a little too scared.

“Gerard!! Get up, you lazy ass!!”

Gerard frowned. That one sounded like Pete?

He opened one eye and then the other. He was unmistakably in the hold of the pirate ship in a cell all to himself. He pushed himself up off the floor, worn wood and straw crackling under his fingertips.

“What happened?” he asked, pressing a hand to his head to try and stop it from spinning. He felt like his brain was trying to take flight through the top of his skull.

“Captain Hook happened,” came Lyn-Z’s voice, sounding much smaller and shakier than usual.

One hand still clutching his head, his free one groped for the bars of the cell door, using it to pull himself up into a standing position. Leaning against it, he finally looked out at the cell that was across the hold from his; The Lost Boys all stared at him with wide, terrified eyes.

“You guys OK?” he asked. “They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

The Lost Boys all shook their heads.

“We’re fine,” Ray said. “Just a bit –”

“Yeah, I get it,” Gerard said, cutting him off. “It’s going to be OK, I’m awake now.”

“Fat chance!!” came a sulky voice from behind the Lost Boys that was unmistakably –

“Pete?” Gerard asked.

“Over here!”

In a separate cell to the Lost Boys, in the darker corner of the room, Gerard suddenly saw Pete. His arms were folded and he was glaring at Gerard.

“You OK, Pete?” Gerard asked. “They haven’t –”

“Oh, I’ve been having a great time!!” Pete said sarcastically. “I’ve been stuck here for three days!! Where the hell have you been, you fat lummox!??”

Guilt twisted at Gerard’s insides. “Yeah, sorry about that,” he said. “But... they’ve been feeding you, right?”

“Of course they have!” Pete snorted, kicking at an empty plate next to him in his cell. “And they’ve been coming down and talking to me and telling me stories about being a pirate and then one of them tried to teach me to gam-ble and I told him I didn’t want to because that’s a crime and only stupid grown-ups like you do it and it’s like being an add-ict and if I did it, I’d end up like you!!”

“Wow, that’s terrible,” Gerard said, barely listening. Pete was fine. “Does anyone know what happened to Frank?!”

“He’s up on deck,” Kitty said. “I overheard some of the pirates talking as they brought you in; they’ve tied him to the mast to stop him from flying away but the plan is to make us all walk the plank.”

“Of course it is,” Gerard muttered, screwing his eyes up. The swimming sensation in his head was rapidly fading, much to his relief. “Pirates, always known for originality.”

“Gerard? What are we going to do?” Jimmy asked.

“Yeah, come on Gerard, make yourself useful and get us out of here!” Steve added.

Gerard opened his eyes and looked at the Lost Boys, who were all staring at him expectantly. For some reason, in the absence of Frank, they’d designated him as the leader.

“I’m – I’m thinking!” Gerard said, stepping back from the cell door and looking around his prison.

“Well, think faster!!” Steve said.

There had to be something in there that he could use to pick the lock... or maybe he could try and break the door down? There was a small portal window with no glass or bars in it but Gerard knew immediately that he’d barely manage to get his head through it, let alone the rest of him. He gripped the metal door with both hands and shook it, testing for weakness.

“Shh!!” Lyn-Z suddenly hissed. “Someone’s coming!!”

There were footsteps above their heads and Gerard only just had time to let go before the trapdoor at the far end of the hold was thrown open and a pair of legs appeared on the stairs.

“Ah, you’re awake!” said Captain Hook, stepping lightly down the stairs. Tinkerbell followed behind him, the sounds of happy bells tinkling faintly. “Good, I was wondering if Miss Bell here had overdone the fairy dust – can’t have you overdosing again, can we?!”

Gerard’s stomach clenched as one of the Lost Boys gasped, although he didn’t know which one. He couldn’t bring himself to look at them to see who it was, but he could feel their stares, either horrified or curious – he didn’t know and didn’t want to.

“Low blow, Bert,” he said through gritted teeth. “Especially in front of them.”

Bert shrugged, stepping over to Gerard’s cell door and stopping in front of it.

“I’m not the one who did it,” he said bluntly. “But hey, if you hadn’t done that then circumstances wouldn’t have led you here, so maybe it wasn’t as bad as you think.”

Gerard stared at him incredulously.

“As bad?! The guy who found me passed out in the alleyway decided to steal my wallet before he called an ambulance on my phone, and then took that too! As far as low-points go, that’s pretty much up there in the top three!”

The captain shrugged again and pulled out a long, rusty key from his pocket, balancing it between the tip of his hook and his fingers.

“Not my problem,” he said, and then, in a surprising gesture, unlocked Gerard’s cell door. He pulled it back and stepped into the cell and suddenly, the cell felt just that little bit too small. Gerard automatically stepped back but found the smooth wood of the ship walls against his back.

“Anyway,” Captain Hook said, stepping forward. “You’re here now.”

“That I am,” Gerard said. He was cornered, completely trapped and his heart was pounding frantically against his ribs. He was an addict and here was his fix he so desperately wanted.

“And what, pray do tell, are you planning to do while you’re here?”

Gerard meant to say that he was going to storm the ship and take back Pete, save Frank and the Lost Boys and get the fuck out this place. Instead, what came out was –

“I wanted to see you.”

Captain Hook moved closer into Gerard’s personal space. Even in the dark, Gerard still knew every line, blemish of Bert’s face. He knew how his mouth was slightly lopsided. He knew how his nostrils flaired whenever he was angry.

“Yes, I know,” he said, taking another step towards Gerard. He was shorter than Gerard – he always had been – so he had to look up slightly to meet his eyes, but the hypnotic hold was still there. “Your kind always does.”

“My – my kind?”

“Yes,” Captain Hook purred, moving around to whisper in Gerard’s ear. “The ones who are just that little bit too grown up.”

“I’m not –”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It happens more often than you think,” he continued, his stubble grazing against Gerard’s chin and his breath hot in his ear. “Frank is just so rubbish at picking playmates. After you, he could never seem to find as many to stay. Some would demand to go home and when they found out that they couldn’t...”

“Why not?”

Captain Hook took a step to the side, carefully circling Gerard as he spoke. “It’s the only way in and out of Neverland, Gerard. You have to fly. And of course, once you reach a certain age, once you lose a certain innocence, there’s no amount of pixie dust and happy thoughts that’ll lift you off the ground. So many children fly in here and find themselves trapped when they grow up too much.”

Gerard felt his heart sink.

“So... it doesn’t matter what happens,” he said, staring at the floor. “With the battle. Even if I win – Pete can’t go home.”

“Oh no,he can... but you can’t. Only children can fly, Gerard.”

A strange sort of numbness had washed over Gerard. He was trapped here. He’d never see Mikey again, or his Mom –

Oh God, his Mom. She’d think he’d gone back to all his old ways. And eventually, his phone battery would die and he’d lose all contact with Mikey and then she’d just spend the rest of her life worrying about him, fearing the worst. He’d already done it to her before. Before he’d broken up with Bert, he hadn’t spoken to her for about three years. He’d wanted to disappear from life, so he’d just... done it. He’d let the city swallow him up and became a shadow, slipping into the cracks of New York and becoming something that was barely there...

And his Mom would never know.

“There there, Gee,” Bert said, placing a comforting hand on Gerard’s shoulder.

Without thinking, he clasped Bert’s hand in his own. He didn’t pull away, instead, he laced his fingers through Gerard’s and gave his hand a squeeze. It was human contact, that was the thing that Gerard really missed so much. He closed his eyes and sniffed.

“Frank never told you that little detail, did he?”

Gerard shook his head. No, Frank hadn’t... because he’d carried Gerard into Neverland himself, owing to how Gerard couldn’t fly to begin with.

The revelation cleared Gerard’s head. He wasn’t trapped. There was still hope.

“I have a proposition for you, Gerard,” Bert said, leaning in so only Gerard could hear him. “You don’t have to decide now, but just think on it... As you’re an adult, I could give you a home here. If you chose to stay with me, I’ll not only ensure that Pete gets home, but I’ll make you part of the crew. You can live on the ship forever... with me. As mine.”

Gerard’s heart stuttered in his chest. He didn’t know if it was a good thing or not.

“Think on it,” he said, oblivious to the fact that Gerard had realised his offer was useless. He turned to leave, slamming Gerard’s cell door shut behind him and locking it. Tinkerbell smirked.

“Oh, by the way,” Captain Hook said, turning to face the fairy. “I don’t believe in fairies.”

There was a collective gasp from around the entire hold and Gerard cried out “NO!” but it was too late – Tinkerbell’s light immediately went out and she dropped out the air, landing on the floor outside Gerard’s cell. With a final nod, Captain Hook turned around and swept out the hold.

Gerard dropped to his knees and reached out through the gaps in the bars for Tinkerbell and picking her up carefully with one hand. He sat back, cradling her in his hand but he already knew it was too late. Her body was cold and had turned to stone.

“Tink?” Ray whispered. “Is she -?”

Gerard looked up at the Lost Boys. Ray was openly crying while the rest of them looked like they were trying their damn hardest not to. Even Pete looked completely shocked. Gerard turned his attention back down at the tiny body in his hands. He’d never appreciated just how fragile she was; he felt like he was holding the most delicate of paper dolls in his hand.

His eyes were burning as he blinked back tears. He’d never liked the fairy but he’d never wanted her dead either! There had to be something he could do –

Oh. There was.

“I do believe in fairies, I do, I do,” he whispered into his hands. “I do believe in fairies, I do, I do.”

The Lost Boys realised what he was doing and started clapping their hands, chanting along with him.

“Come on Tink,” Gerard whispered. “You’re still in there, I know you are.”

“It’s not enough!” Ray said tearfully. “There’s not enough people!!”

He was right, of course. They needed more people, but Gerard had no idea where he was going to find any more children. He didn’t know how to do that whole “children of the world, clap your hands if you believe in fairies” thing (he suspected you needed some kind of magical ability to do that) and there weren’t any more kids on Neverland -

But what about adults?

Something clicked in Gerard’s mind.

Surely an adult’s belief would be more powerful? Children believed in magic and fairies because they were too young to know any better but for an adult to believe, even after knowing about science, religion, wars and taxes, even after experiencing real-life evils... surely that had to be worth twice a child’s belief?

“I’ve got it!” he cried excitedly. “Lost Boys, keep clapping!!”

Carefully, he shifted Tinkerbell so that he was holding her in one hand and used his other one to get his phone out his pocket.

It took Mikey longer than usual to answer. When he finally picked up, Gerard wasted no time with pre-chatter or explaining the situation and instead launched straight into “Mikey, clap your hands if you believe in fairies!!”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Mikey said.

“Mikey, just do it!!”

Mikey sighed. “Hold on – ”

There was a pause as he readjusted the phone, cradling it between his shoulder and cheek, and then over the background noise, Gerard heard him clapping his hands.

“I do believe in fairies, I do, I do,” he said flatly. “I do believe in fairies, I do, I – no, I’m just on the phone to my brother. Oh, idea. Gerard, hold on two seconds.”

“Mikey?!” Gerard asked. He was holding the phone so tightly to his face that it was leaving imprints in his skin. “Mikey?! What are you doing?!”

Wherever Mikey was, it was noisy. There was suddenly the roar of a crowd and then a voice so loud it was completely distorted and muffled down the phone, and then –

An audience clapping. The voices of thousands all saying the same thing; I do believe in fairies, I do, I do.

“Gee?!” Mikey yelled over the din. “Can you hear that?!”

Gerard looked at Tinkerbell’s motionless figure in his hand. Her wings twitched weakly.

“It’s working!” Gerard screamed excitedly. “Keep going!! I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!!”

The Lost Boys joined in, following his cue. In his hands, he could feel Tinkerbell’s stone body warming up as her colour rapidly returned. Gerard could suddenly feel it coursing through him, all the faith, belief and trust, as if he were the siphon for it all to gather at and flow through, through his skin to his heart, mixing in his blood as it pumped around his body, all focusing and rushing down his arm to that one tiny point in the palm of his hand.

“I do believe in fairies, I motherfucking do!!” Gerard said with the roar in his ear, meaning it and believing it to be truer than everything else. He was a world-weary cynical adult who knew many things not to be true but this – the belief in dreams, in innocence, in magic – he was certain about in the moment. It was real. It always had been.

It was the spark that ignited the dynamite. In his hand, there was an explosion of hot golden light as Tinkerbell burst into life, shooting straight up into the air with a sparkling trail of pixie dust behind her as her light glowed bigger and brighter than ever. Gerard let out a triumphant crow that Frank would have been proud of as the Lost Boys and Pete cheered loudly.

“Gerard?!” Mikey’s tinny voice brought Gerard’s attention back to his phone. “Did it work?! What happened?!”

“She’s OK!” Gerard said, unable to keep the relief and happiness out his voice. He watched as Tinkerbell zipped through the air around the Lost Boys, darting between the bars of their cells and kissing them all in thanks. “Mikey, what did you do?”

“Hold on –” There was a pause, then Gerard heard the muffled voice though what he suddenly realised must have been a PA system, and then there was a tremendous cheer. “OK, I’m back.”

“I’ll say it again – what the fuck did you do?! Where are you?!”

“I’m the promoter for that gig tonight, remember? Anyway, I got the lead singer from Leathermouth to get the audience to say it – I said you were doing some kind of art-visual-audio thing.”

Gerard paused. He vaguely recognised the name. Mikey had done a few shows with them before. “Wait, isn’t Leat- aren’t they... didn’t you say they were like... hardcore-metal-screamo?”

“Yeah,” Mikey said, sounding amused. “There’s only about 80 people here but they’re loud.”

Oh... so much for thousands. But still, it had worked (although Gerard never wanted to be in the room when those 80 metal-heads discovered they’d inadvertently outed themselves as believers of fairies).

“Thanks Mikes, you’re a lifesaver. Literally. Gotta go!” Gerard said quickly. No time for chit-chat, Frank was still in danger. He paused before hanging up. “Love you Mikey.”

He disconnected the call before Mikey could reply and chucked his phone out the porthole, hearing it land in the sea below with a small splash. If something happened to him, he couldn’t risk letting his phone – a link to the real world outside of Neverland - fall into the pirate captain’s hands, and he especially couldn’t risk Bert finding a way back to Gerard’s life and the people in it. His Mom and Mikey had lived on the fringes of the darkness of Gerard’s life and depression because of contact with him – he couldn’t let the darkness and past have a way of reaching out and pulling them in.

Tinkerbell descended gracefully before him, hovering at eye-level. She smiled at him.

“Hey Tinkerbell,” Gerard said, banishing the gloomy thoughts to the back of his mind. “Are we friends now?”

With a nod, she flew forward and kicked him in the nose. As she was so small, she didn’t do any real damage but it was hard enough to make his eyes water.

“Ouch!!”

Tinkerbell was laughing so hard she nearly fell out the air. Rubbing his nose, Gerard resigned himself to the fact that pixie would never like him.

“OK,” he said, wiping the fairy dust off his hands onto his jeans. “Tinkerbell, can you get these cell doors open for us?”

With another nod and a small salute that was very decidedly un-military, Tinkerbell quickly flew back through the bars and threw handfuls of pixie dust at the locks. They automatically clicked unlocked and the doors swung open. The Lost Boys immediately swarmed around Gerard, staring up at him expectantly with Pete trailing behind them in a sulk.

“What’s the plan, Gerard?” Lyn-Z asked, drawing her sword.

“We need to rescue Frank,” Ray said, and the others all nodded in agreement. “And someone’s got to fight Hook.”

As the Lost Boys all gave Gerard very obvious looks, Pete burst out laughing.

“Him?!” he asked, pointing at Gerard incredulously. “You’re letting him be the leader?! He’s useless and fat!”

“Hey, shut it, dick breath!” Steve said unexpectedly. Perhaps it was only the ‘fat’ comment that had provoked him but Gerard still felt a twinge of fondness towards Steve.

“Yeah, Gerard’s awesome!” Kitty added as Jimmy nodded in agreement.

“But he’s so old.” Pete winkled his nose in disgust.

“Keep on like that and you’ll never get to be that age,” Lyn-Z said, taking a step towards Pete and raising her sword menacingly.

Gerard couldn’t hold back the bark of laughter. “OK guys, calm down, play nice,” he said.

“Who is this pee-head anyway?!” Jimmy asked with a thumb jab in Pete’s direction.

“This is Pete. Lost Boys - Pete, Pete - Lost Boys,” Gerard said quickly as introduction. “Now, to get to Frank –”

“Wait, this is Pete?!” Lyn-Z looked horrified, as did the other Lost Boys. “This is the kid you came here to get back?!”

“Yeah,” Gerard admitted.

“And it took you long enough!!” Pete said angrily. “I shouldn’t even be here, it’s all his stupid fault! Captain Hook wasn’t even after me, he wanted him anyway and -”

He ranted on with three days worth of pent-up anger finally exploding out. Even Steve looked a little confused.

“Seriously,” he said to Gerard over Pete’s rant. “Are you sure it was this kid?”

“Is he your brother or something?” Ray asked.

“Nope.” Gerard shrugged. “I guess... it was the right thing to do, you know? You’d have done the same thing.”

“No I wouldn’t,” Lyn-Z said automatically, narrowing her eyes at Pete. “Not for him.”

“Yeah, no,” Steve said as Kitty nodded in agreement.

“Me neither,” she said.

“I wouldn’t,” Jimmy said.

“No way!” Ray said.

Even Tinkerbell shook her head.

Pete had finally stopped ranting and stared at Lost Boys.

“I hate you all,” he said. “You’re nothing like the stories, this sucks! Why are you dressed so stupidly anyway?! I want to go home, now!!”

Gerard ignored him and rolled his eyes. “OK well, morality discussions aside, we still need to save Frank. We’re all OK with that plan, right?”

“Yeah!” The Lost Boys all gave a unanimous cheer.

“Who the hell is Frank?” Pete muttered to no one in particular.

“OK, Lyn-Z, Ray – you’re with me,” Gerard said, pointing to each of the Lost Boys. “Tink, Kitty, Steve, Jimmy – you’re our distraction. Plan is fight pirates, set Frank free and don’t get killed. Sound good?”

“We will never die!!” Jimmy said with a cocky laugh.

“Yeah, we’re too awesome!” Kitty added, hip-checking Gerard.

Gerard smiled. He really liked these kids.

“OK, everybody ready? File out –”

“What about me!?” Pete demanded, stamping on Gerard’s foot.

Gerard thought about it. Tinkerbell flew down and landed on his shoulder, giving him an expectant look. He nodded to her.

With a wicked grin, she beelined straight at Pete and blew a handful of pixie dust in his face. Coughing and spluttering, he swatted at his face as his feet started lift off the ground – and Gerard seized the opportunity to quickly shove him back in his cell. It locked shut with a satisfying click.

“Hey!!” Pete yelled, grabbing the bars as he floated horizontally five foot off the floor in the middle of his cell. “That’s not fair!!”

“Sorry Pete,” Gerard said with a shrug. He tried to sound sincere. “Can’t risk you getting hurt or recaptured.”

“You horrible, mean, stupid, fat BASTARD!!” Pete screamed. His short, podgy arms lunged through the bars, futilely trying to attack Gerard. “I want to fight, I want an adventure!! It’s not fair, I’m totally telling my Mom about this and –”

He was still going on as they left the hold and crept up the stairs. Crouching below the trapdoor, Gerard pressed his finger to his lips for silence. Above them, it sounded like something was already going down with the pirates, judging from the roars and sounds of swords clashing. He held up his fingers silently anyway as a countdown.

Three... two... one... go!

He pushed the trapdoor open and with a battle cry, the Lost Boys and Tinkerbell all charged out with Ray, Lyn-Z and Gerard holding back as he pulled the trapdoor back down.

“Wait for it,” Gerard said.

“Why wouldn’t you let Pete fight?” Ray asked. “I’m not complaining, I didn’t really like him much, but –”

“Yeah, are you really that worried about him?” Lyn-Z asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nah,” Gerard said. “That was revenge for my copy of Doom Patrol.”

Lyn-Z and Ray both laughed (although Gerard doubted they actually knew what Doom Patrol was).

“I thought you were all ‘do the right thing’?” she asked.

“I am,” Gerard replied. “Never said I was a nice person though.”

She smiled but then it faltered and suddenly, she threw her arms around him. She only came up to his hip, pressing her face into his side.

“Gerard, don’t go!” she said, looking up at him with imploring eyes. “You can’t! We want you here!”

“Come on Lyn-Z, don’t be like that,” Gerard said, patting her on the head. Her dark hair was a tangled, soft mess.

He gave her a brief one-armed hug. He was really going to miss her, he suddenly realised. And Ray and Kitty, and even Steve and Jimmy and Tinkerbell... and of course Frank.

“Help me win this, OK?” he said. “Let’s make it the best battle yet.”

She let go of him and took a step back. All her previous vulnerability was instantly gone. She set her jaw with a determined look and nodded.

“OK, let’s do this,” she said. “Ray?”

Ray was bouncing on his toes excitedly.

“I’m ready!!” he said happily. “I never get to be in the rescue team! I’m always the diversion!”

“OK!” Gerard gave them both a reassuring nod, placing his hand back on the trapdoor above them. “Hey! Ho! Let’s go!”

With all his strength, he threw the door open.

The battle was already in full-swing on deck. Despite being significantly outnumbered, the Lost Boys were putting up a very good fight, judging from the number of slayed pirates that already covered the deck. That said, on closer inspection, Gerard realised that most of the pirates seemed to be fighting... other pirates?

“It’s a mutiny!” Lyn-Z said, awed.

“A what?!” Gerard asked.

“It happens a lot more than you think,” Ray explained.

“But why are they fighting each other?!” Gerard asked, completely confused. In the midst of the battle, the arrival of three new people on deck had gone completely unnoticed.

“So many pirates, so little space,” Lyn-Z said with a shrug. “And pirates don’t really like anything except killing and treasure.”

“And the more pirates on the ship, the less treasure they get,” Ray added.

“Treasure?” A nearby pirate looked at Ray, his hands still closed tightly around the neck of the other pirate he’d just killed.

“Um...” Ray said.

“Treasure!” the pirate yelled, dropping the dead one and charging straight at Ray with a loud “GRAAAH!!!” Ray did what any other child in his position would have done when a blood-thirsty pirate started chasing them, and ran away screaming.

“Forget him, he’ll be fine!” Lyn-Z yelled, whacking Gerard in the stomach with the flat edge of her sword when he made to follow. “He’s a fast runner. We need to find Frank!”

Ah yes. Frank. Gerard tried to see through the fighting crowd but it was useless. He briefly wondered if Frank had managed to get free then it’d be no good looking on the ground level, but even a quick glance up at the sky revealed nothing but more pirates, tangled in the rigging and fighting in the crows nest.

“Come on,” Gerard said, tapping Lyn-Z’s shoulder and pointing to the helm. “We need to get to higher ground!”

She nodded and followed him as he ran up the stairs to the helm, which was completely deserted. Gerard gripped the wheel with one hand as he scanned the crowd -

“There!” Lyn-Z suddenly shrieked excitedly. “At the mast!!”

Sure enough, there he was – tied securely the mast in the centre of the deck. As an added measure (and what Gerard felt was slightly overkill), they’d chained him to a giant anchor as well. He was yelling encouragement and fighting tips to Ray, who was holding his own surprisingly well in a sword fight against the pirate who had chased him. Behind him, Gerard could see two pirates fighting against the Pirate-Hulk who had restrained him on his first visit to the ship. He could see Jimmy biting the back of a pirate’s legs as Steve jump-kicked the same pirate in the chest, and Kitty was doing some impressive kung-fu against a... ninja pirate?!

Gerard stared in confusion for a second, and then remembered himself.

“Where’s the captain in all this?” he asked. Lyn-Z shrugged. Gerard peered into the fight but he couldn’t see Bert anywhere. “He’s not normally one to miss out on a fight.”

Something cold and sharp pressed into his neck as someone suddenly grabbed him from behind, holding – trapping – his body against theirs.

“You’re right,” Bert said, a low growl in Gerard’s ear. “I’m not.”

“Gerard!” Lyn-Z cried but then Bert tightened his grip, pressing his hook painfully deeper into the soft skin of Gerard’s throat.

“Get back, brat, or else I’ll gut him like a fish!” Bert snarled.

“Fuck you!!” Gerard spat. “What, ripping my heart out metaphorically wasn’t enough for you?!”

“‘Fuck me’? I thought that was always the other way around?” Bert purred in Gerard’s ear and oh God, Gerard felt something cringe and die inside from the look Lyn-Z gave at that statement. “Come on Gee, this was never about you. This’ll kill him.”

With the hook still pressed painfully into Gerard’s neck, Bert used his other hand to point at Frank, who’d seen everything happen at the helm and was desperately trying to struggle free of his bonds, yelling his head off. Their eyes met across the battle and Gerard tried to convey to him... well, everything.

“He likes to forget when his Lost Boys die but you’ll be the one he really can’t,” Bert said. Gerard tried to tear away from the panicked look in Frank’s eyes, the very grown-up fear that was there all because of Gerard.

“You know he could be with you if he really wanted it?” Bert continued. “All he’d have to do is wish it but he won’t, and you know why?”

Gerard wasn’t sure if it was a rhetorical question or not but he kept his mouth defiantly shut.

“It’s because he’s too pathetic to grow up... and you’re not worth it anyway.”

“No!” Gerard let out a strangled cry, forgetting the sharp point at his throat and trying to break free. He felt the skin break and his blood immediately bubbled to the surface but he barely noticed. It wasn’t true, Bert was only saying it to hurt him, it wasn’t true –

“Trying to convince yourself it’s not true?” Bert asked in a mock baby voice. He suddenly spun Gerard around so they were face to face. “Aww... widdle baby Gewawd tewwing himsewf that he is worth something? You couldn’t even keep – AHH!!”

He abruptly let go of Gerard who crumpled to the floor, and stumbled back, clutching his thigh. Lyn-Z’s wooden blade had actually managed to tear a huge hole through the Captain’s clothes, cutting the pale flesh beneath.

“You stupid little -!!” Captain Hook screamed at Lyn-Z. She jumped back, a flash of fear on her young face as his right arm went flying out towards her as if he meant to backhand her. Gerard saw the hook flash in the sunlight and -

For a split second, all Gerard could think was that he didn’t get who had thrown a tomato at Lyn-Z’s throat or how it had managed to explode so impressively.

And then his brain caught up and he realised.

“NO!!”

He caught her as she dropped to her knees, collapsing down with her and cradling her tiny body in his arms. She wasn’t screaming - couldn’t scream – but the terrified look in her eyes showed she was far too aware of what had just happened.

“Lyn-Z, honey, stay with me, you’re going to be OK, it’s OK, I’ve got you,” Gerard babbled, stroking her hair off her face. He couldn’t ignore the horrific gurgling, gasping sounds coming from the mauled mess that used to be her throat, nor stop the way her entire body was shaking, jolting in his arms. Her lips were a stark red against the deathly white tone of her skin and her eyes fluttered open and closed.

“Lyn-Z, I’m here, it’s OK, you’re gonna be –”

Her dark eyes locked with his and just for a second, the corners of her mouth twitched up in what could have been the faintest imitation of a smile – and then she was dead. Gerard knew it, he could just feel it - the exact moment she was gone, that it was no longer Lyn-Z he was holding but just the empty shell of a child...

The sharp, cold tip of the hook pressed into Gerard’s cheek.

“On your feet, lad.”

Gerard set Lyn-Z’s body down carefully as if she was only sleeping and he was trying not to disturb her... but even by then, he knew no amount of make-believe could bring her back. He couldn’t look at her, he couldn’t look at how her eyes were still open, staring lifelessly at the sky or anything below her chin...

He stood up, finally facing Captain Hook under his own power. Gerard’s clothes and hands were covered in red and he couldn’t even pretend it was paint because it was too warm.

“Well?” Hook asked. “Are you going to fight me like a man now?”

“No,” Gerard said quietly.

“What?! So you let the child die for you for no good reason?!” Hook stepped back and laughed. “Lost Boys, Peter Pan, behold! Gerard Way!!”

“I’m not going to fight you,” Gerard said. He sniffed and lifted his head, finally looking at Hook – at Bert. “You ruined my life and you killed my friend... but I’m not going to fight you.”

Captain Hook stared at Gerard with narrowed eyes.

“Come on, Gee,” he said, suddenly sounding more like how Bert used to than the pirate captain. “You’re a fucking joke. Did you honestly think you’d ever be enough for me?! I kept you around because you were a good lay –”

“No,” Gerard said again, cutting him off – and strangely, Bert fell silent with no protest. “You’re only saying these things because it’s my fear. I figured it out, that’s how this place works.” He grinned, despite himself. “You’re just the man I fear the most... but you are not the worst thing in my head.”

As if on cue, the skies suddenly darkened. The wind picked up violently and the temperature dropped.

“Yeah Gee, you’ve got it!!” Frank cheered, still tied to the mast.

“What- what are you doing?” Hook asked, looking around and taking a step back from Gerard.

“I’m giving you a choice right here and now,” Gerard said calmly, taking a step towards Hook. Hook immediately took another step back, forced to back down the main staircase. “Captain Hook – Bert McCracken – you can give me back Pete now. You can let my friends go. And you can leave, leave Neverland forever.”

“Or??” It was meant to be a sneer but the panicked gleam in Bert’s eyes gave him away.

“Or –” Gerard didn’t finish. Instead, he gestured to the shadows that were rapidly overtaking the ship. The mainland of Neverland couldn’t even be seen anymore and the ship had started to rock dangerously in the wind. As the shadow, black as night, started to overlap the edges of the ship, whisps of arms with claw-like fingers snatched out, trying to grab at any nearby pirates. The pirates closest to this jumped away with cries of horror as the Lost Boys cheered in delight.

“You can’t scare me!!” Hook yelled. He brandished his sword towards Gerard – but when Gerard took another step towards him, he took one back. “You’re nothing but a coward, Gerard Way!! You came here because you were so desperately running from me and yourself!”

The shadow had completely engulfed almost the entire ship, forcing all the pirates into the centre, around the mast where Frank was still tied. And then, from the depths of the darkness, came a guttural roar.

“Wha- what’s that?!” one of the pirates asked.

“Your worst nightmares!” Frank yelled and then crowed triumphantly. A long hand with talons for nails shot out from the darkness and in one swift move, sliced the chains around Frank. He shot up straight into the sky with another triumphant crow.

And then – from the darkness, it erupted.

Every figure, every idea, every thought that had plagued Gerard’s mind, it all took physical form. Monsters with dripping claws and vampires with razor-sharp teeth. Fairies with twisted faces and filled with nothing but malice. Birds with long necks and dangerous beaks. Snakes the length of the ship. Figures with blank faces and terrifying long arms that carried heavy artillery.

All were a hundred variations of himself, filled with nothing but the utmost despair and self-loathing.

“I’m not running anymore,” Gerard said coldly to Captain Hook. “And you don’t scare me.”

“Lost Boys, form rank!!” Frank ordered and the Lost Boys immediately did so, pointing their weapons at the pirates and forcing them outwards. In one simple move, they’d turned their surrounded defeat into a triumphant move. The pirates, with no other place to go – either onto the ends of the Lost Boy’s swords or into the nightmares from Gerard’s imagination – immediately dropped their own weapons and held up their hands in surrender.

The monsters nodded, satisfied... then immediately grabbed the unarmed pirates and dragged them into the nothingness. For a second, the shadow seemed to shiver but then it rolled back slightly, retreating into the water... and the deck was as clear as the day it was made. The Lost Boys cheered.

Frank had flown around the ship and touched down lightly on the deck, next to Gerard’s side. He too had his sword out, ready to fight. Gerard gave him a small smile.

“Nice of you to join in,” Gerard said.

“Well, I couldn’t let you have all the fun, could I?” Frank said, giving Gerard that same smile that made his heart flip over and made his head think in a very resigned way ‘really?’

“Oh my Peter Pan, how grown up you’re looking!!” Hook spat at him.

Frank just gave him a very cocky smile before he looked over to Lyn-Z’s motionless form. His grin fell and his jaw set before he turned back to Hook.

“You don’t even deserve to live,” he snarled but Gerard held a hand to his chest to hold him back.

“Dark and sinister man, your time is nearing its end,” Gerard said evenly, drawing his own sword. “Make your choice.”

“Curse you, curse you down the depths!!” Hook spat. “The pair of you, you’re worthless liars!! Look at him!” Captain Hook said, gesturing at Gerard with his hook. “That’s not a child, that’s a pathetic drunk who isn’t even drunk anymore! And you!!” He waved his Hook at Frank. “You kidnapped Pete to try and get Gerard back here!!”

He was expecting shock, hurt and betrayal. He’d been holding back those secrets for the right moment and now was that moment –

Except neither Gerard or Frank looked particularly surprised.

“Yeah, I kinda figured out he’s not a kid a while ago,” Frank said. He shrugged. “That whole thing with the mermaids? Little bit of a giveaway. He’s still my best friend though.”

Desperately, Hook turned to Gerard but Gerard also looked equally nonplussed.

“Well, once you said that only kids could fly in and out of Neverland, I realised Frank was the only one who could have taken Pete in the first place,” he said. “It fits with everything in the book as well.”

Hook stared at both of them, feeling his last chances slip away.

“But – but – the deception –” he said.

“I’m used to being lied to,” Gerard said with a cold stare at Bert. “How long were you sleeping with Quinn before I caught you anyway?”

“And as for the whole ‘lying-deception’ thing, it turns out we’re both as bad as each other!” Frank said cheerfully.

Captain Hook had enough. With a wild cry, he lunged towards Gerard with his sword but Frank intercepted it with his own, throwing him off-balance and sending both their swords sliding across the deck and out of sight. Like a man in a drunken haze, Bert staggered, regaining his balance and then ran straight for Frank, his hook raised with Lyn-Z’s blood still splattering the metal.

“No!!” Gerard screamed and ran towards the Captain, colliding with him and tackling him straight over the edge of the ship, down into the shadow below.

“Gee!!” Frank screamed and without another word, dove in after them.

Dead silence fell on deck.

Tinkerbell and the remaining Lost Boys – Ray, Kitty, Jimmy and Steve – looked at each other with wide, horrified eyes.

“He – they can’t be!!” Ray cried. He dropped his sword to the deck with a clatter and ran to the railing at the edge of the deck to look with so much force that he nearly went over it himself. He stared down but the shadow that surrounded the ship was already clearing, fading... He blinked and then he was staring at the clear blue sea with the sun shining brightly in the sky and Neverland ahead of them, looking as wonderful and welcoming as always.

“They can’t be dead!!” he said, turning back to the other Lost Boys who remained motionless in the centre of the deck. Tinkerbell landed on the railing next to him and let out a silent sob as tears started to fall. Kitty looked from Ray to where she knew Lyn-Z’s body was just out of sight behind the wheel.

“What – what do we do?” Jimmy asked as Steve sniffed and wept freely. “What do we do now?”

Ray looked back down into the water. What were they going to do?!

“What are you lot bawling about?!” came an incredulous voice from above them.

They all looked up –

“A-HA!!” Ray screamed in delight as the other Lost Boys let out similar cries.

It was the most wonderful sight the Lost Boys were ever to behold. Frank was floating down from the sky, carrying Gerard carefully in his arms, both of them unmistakably alive and unharmed. Tinkerbell flew straight up to them and planted a kiss on Frank’s cheek before kicking Gerard in the face for scaring her.

“Nice to see you too, Tink,” Gerard muttered, keeping his arms tightly wrapped around Frank’s neck until they were both safely on deck. The Lost Boys immediately swarmed around them with cheers of delight.

“You did it!!” Ray screamed, throwing his arms around Gerard in a tight hug. “Frank, I can’t believe you managed to save him and escape from the dark stuff!!”

“Oh the cleverness of me!!” Frank said proudly.

Gerard gave him a look.

“Well... you helped. A little,” he corrected.

Gerard put his hand on Frank’s shoulder, a gentle reminder.

“Pete’s still in the hold,” he said. “We should probably let him out and get him home.”

Frank opened his mouth to protest but then closed it.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

Gerard sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

“Frank – I don’t want to leave you,” he said. “These past few days have been fucked up as anything but you – you’re – you –”

“Yeah, I know,” Frank said with that usual self-assured cocky grin on his face.

“You’re amazing, Frankie,” Gerard said. “But I’m making you grow up.”

“No you’re not!” Frank immediately protested.

Gerard gave him a pointed look up and down and suddenly Frank realised he was suddenly only a few inches shorter than Gerard again. When he’d first turned up at Gerard’s window, he’d barely come up to his stomach.

“If I stay here, you’ll end up becoming something you don’t want to be,” Gerard said. “And trust me, I’m not worth that.”

“You are –“ Frank tried to say but Gerard leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I’m not,” he said, keeping his lips against Frank’s forehead and one hand on his shoulder. “I’m a fucked-up manic depressant with suicidal tendencies-slash-recovering addict with a fuck-load of issues and only just getting over my ex. It’s not something you want to get involved with and you know it, Frankie.”

“Fuck you, you can’t tell me what I can and can’t want!!” Frank suddenly shouted.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear before,” Gerard pointed out. “Look, I can’t stay here anyway – I’ll end up as the next Captain Hook if I’m not careful. Some bitter adult, jealous of youth and only wanting to drag everyone else down with him.”

Frank pouted, but Gerard could tell he’d won the argument.

“Pete’s still in the hold,” Gerard said again instead. “Someone should probably let him out... when we get home anyway.”

He counted it as a minor victory when Frank smiled at this.

But then he remembered.

“What do we do about – about Lyn-Z?” Gerard asked, feeling his voice break slightly.

Frank looked out to Neverland.

“It’s about to happen,” he said quietly.

Gerard then saw what he was looking at. Fairies.

Thousands of fairies, all flying onboard the ship, sparks of light gently floating through the air. Like dandelions in the wind, they drifted towards Lyn-Z and landed on and around her, until he couldn’t see her anymore through the golden light which encased her.

And then, the fairies took off, gliding upwards into the sky in one spiral movement until Gerard couldn’t see them anymore. He blinked and looked; Lyn-Z was gone and any blood that had been spilled was too, including what had stained his clothes. Gerard shuddered; he wished it would be that easy to forget all this too.

Frank bit his lip. “I’m sorry about Lyn-Z,” he said. “I know you liked her.”

With a sniff, Gerard wiped his nose on the back on his hand. His eyes were burning.

“She was a great kid,” he said, feeling his voice shake.

“Yeah,” Frank said. “She was.”

Her wooden sword was still lying on the floor a few feet from where she’d fallen. Frank picked it up and with only the slightly hesitation, then handed it to Gerard.

“Do you want to keep this?” he asked. “One less thing to go in the cave.”

“Are they going to forget her?” Gerard asked, looking out at the Lost Boys who were playing with Tinkerbell, the horrors of the battle apparently already forgotten.

Frank nodded. “We always do,” he said bluntly. “She’s not the first and she won’t be the last to die.”

Gerard took the sword. It was just a simple, well-worn, child’s play toy now covered with a fair layer of pixie dust. There were several notches on the ‘blade’ from various fights and up the hilt was carved ‘LYN-Z’.

He carefully tucked it into the waistband of his jeans where his own sword had been. He didn’t need the real one anymore.

Frank placed a tiny hand on Gerard’s shoulder and then hugged him. His feet weren’t touching the floor. Gerard leaned in and pressed a small kiss on the side of Frank’s forehead. “Come on... let’s go home.”

Frank took a deep breath. For a brief second, Gerard thought he saw bright flashes of colour and tattoos all over Frank’s arms, but then he blinked and Frank was a child again.

“OK, come on Tinkerbell, you know how this part goes!” Frank said in his most commanding voice. Tinkerbell gave a happy nod and immediately flew onwards and up, a trail of pixie dust sparkling behind her as she covered the entire ship. Gerard looked down at the planks beneath his feet; they’d turned gold and shone in the light as the ship rose up out the water.

Gerard ran to the railings and looked down, the wind blowing his hair in his face. The ship was flying up and away, and Neverland was quickly fading behind them. He looked at Frank, who was standing at the wheel, steering the way. Frank caught Gerard’s eye and winked.

Gerard smiled to himself.

“Oh, you fucking marvellous, brilliant boy,” he said softly.

~*~*~

“ You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you... That's where I'll be waiting.”
- Tinkerbell, Hook.

You could accuse Gerard Way of being many things, the most common ones being ‘weird’ and ‘moody’. Even at the age of 5, his mother Donna could see the signs of the personality that would stick with him for life forming. She’d lost count of the amount of times he’d come home from kindergarden with yet another letter from his teacher saying that Gerard was already displaying a keen interest in the macabre and disturbing, and was depleting the schools supply of black and red paint at a rapid rate. There was also the time in class where Gerard had put his podgy hand up and asked his teacher – a kindly old woman who probably should have retired a long time ago – why she had decided to grow up into such a wrinkled old state when she could have stopped herself long ago. Then there had been the incident with poor William Beckett, where Gerard had apparently convinced him he knew how to fly; they’d been caught attempting to climb onto the playgroup’s roof.

So, yes, Gerard was undoubtedly classed as ‘weird’ (and even marked down as ‘one to watch out for’ by some of his teachers) but to Donna Way, all the above merely showed something else; for all his failure to understand social norms, her eldest son was most certainly not lacking in imagination.

Gerard’s imagination fascinated his mother. He could play by himself for hours, losing himself in make-believe worlds. Like many children his age, he had imaginary friend.

“What have you been doing in the garden?” Donna asked when he came in for tea one summer afternoon. Her son was filthy, like he’d been crawling around in the dirt; there were even some leaves sticking out of his messy dark hair.

“Playing with Frank,” Gerard shrugged, reaching up with one of his short, fat arms and helping himself to a cookie off the kitchen counter.

“I see,” Donna said, trying to hide her smile. “What were you playing?”

“Cowboy and injuns.” The reply was slightly muffled though a mouthful of cookie crumbs. “Frank says that Neverland’s filled with ‘em.”

“Neverland? Isn’t that where Peter Pan is from?” Donna asked.

“Frankie is Peter Pan,” Gerard said, like he was explaining the obvious. “He has lots of names and changes it whenever he feels like it. Right now, he’s Frank. When’s dinner? Can I go back and play with him for a bit?”

“Ten minutes,” Donna said. “Would Frank like to come in for tea?”

“Frank doesn’t like grown-ups,” Gerard said, reaching up and grabbing another cookie.

“Gerard, don’t have any more, you’ll spoil your appetite.”

“It’s not for me, Mom. It’s for Frank. He’s waiting for me,” Gerard said impatiently, and then disappeared back out the back door again.

“Ten minutes!!” Donna called out as a reminder. “Don’t disappear off to Neverland until after dinner!!”

“I won’t!” came Gerard’s reply. He’d already crawled under the shrubs at the bottom of the garden, where Donna knew was his ‘super secret’ den (and “no Mikey’s allowed!”)

As far as Donna was concerned, there was nothing wrong with her son, no matter what the school said. He was a very creative, imaginative little boy. It was harmless enough.

Yes, harmless enough... or so she thought until a few weeks later when Gerard came running through the kitchen and down into his basement bedroom, crying his eyes out. When she immediately followed him, she found him trying to close his window.

“But Gerard, honey, you never close the window,” she said, helping him down off the windowsill before he could fall and hurt himself. “You always said that’s how Frank gets in –”

“I hate Frank!!” Gerard screamed, his face bright red and tear-stained. “He won’t take me to Neverland!!”

She’d closed the window and then cuddled him close, stroking his hair and trying to work out what was the best course of action. There’d never really been any sort of parenting tips on what to do when your child has a fight with their imaginary friend.

“Sweetie, what happened?” she asked, eventually deciding to go with the ‘act as if he’s real’ approach. “I thought you two were playing buried treasure?”

Gerard sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “Yu-huh, we were. The treasure was the panpipes and it was my turn to bury them so I put them somewhere good, somewhere he’d never find, and then I said that he’d have to stay here if he couldn’t find them and then -”

He broke off as his eyes welled up and his face reddened alarmingly.

“Shh, it’s OK, take your time,” Donna said soothingly. “What happened next?”

“I – I asked him why he wouldn’t take me to Neverland anyway because I want to go and he keeps making all these excuses,” Gerard said miserably. “And then he said he didn’t want to take me because he didn’t want me to meet the Lost Boys.”

She would never know the exact phrasing, which Gerard would play over in his mind for weeks after that.

“Why won’t you take me to Neverland, Frankie? I want to go!!”

“I don’t want to share you, Gee... The Lost Boys would want to play with you and... I don’t want them to. You’re all mine.”

They were both too young to understand the complexity of their emotions. Frank didn’t know why he didn’t want to share Gerard as a playmate, he just didn’t. As for Gerard, he couldn’t see any further implications in this other than Frank was being mean.

“That’s not fair!! I want to go and have adventures with you!! I hate you!!”

Wounded, Frank had then said “Well now I’m never taking you there!”

It wasn’t until later that evening after Gerard had had his bath and Donna was tucking him in bed that she thought to ask him where he’d buried the treasure. Gerard shrugged and mumbled that he couldn’t even remember.

“Honey, do you want me to open the window?” she asked. Gerard had always insisted on sleeping with it open so Frank could come in.

Something crossed his tiny face and then he rolled onto his side, pulling the covers up over his head.

“No,” he said.

And that was the end of Frank.

And then a week later, that poor Toro boy across the road was murdered by his mother. The police never found the body so there was no proof to convict her, but everyone in the town knew she’d done it. Out of everything, Donna was partly relieved that she’d narrowly escaped having to explain to Gerard why he needed to keep his window locked at all times.

~*~*~

“There are only two worlds - your world, which is the real world, and other worlds, the fantasy. Worlds like this are worlds of the human imagination: their reality, or lack of reality, is not important. What is important is that they are there. These worlds provide an alternative. Provide an escape. Provide a threat. Provide a dream, and power; provide refuge, and pain. They give your world meaning. They do not exist; and thus they are all that matters. ”
― Neil Gaiman, The Books of Magic

Pete Wentz woke up, lying on a cold hard surface. Something was grasping at the edges of his sleep, something about fairies and flying...

He sat bolt upright. He was in the middle of a dirty, bare room.

“Oh gross,” he said.

Gerard was lying a few feet away from him, snoring away on the floor.

“Hey! Gerard, wake up!!”

He shook Gerard’s shoulder roughly, trying to shake the big lummox awake. Gerard groaned and mumbled something that sounded kinda like “Frank?”

“Gerard, wake up!! Come on Gee, wake up, you lazy fat ass!!” He gave Gerard another shake and then gave up. Instead, he opened his mouth and screamed his best, loudest scream, the one he saved specially for people he didn’t like.

It did the trick. Gerard woke up properly with a yell of surprise.

“Wha -?!” He looked around and then groaned. “Oh my God, we’re here.”

“What?! Where’s here?” Pete asked.

Gerard pushed himself up from the floor and tried the door. It was locked, although he didn’t seem too surprised by this. He patted down his pockets but then muttered “of course, I chucked it in the sea.”

He turned to Pete.

“Pete, how loud can you shout?”

~*~*~

The story Pete gave the cops was that he’d been kidnapped by Peter Pan and had spent three days on board the pirate ship with Captain Hook, until Peter Pan had shown up and defeated Hook.

The story Gerard gave the cops was that his ex-boyfriend, Bert, had kidnapped Pete as an attempt to get back at Gerard. Gerard had gone after him and wound up being locked up by Bert with Pete for three days, until a neighbour heard them yelling for help and called the cops. Bert had done a runner and was currently nowhere to be found.

It was noted by the child psychiatrist that Captain Hook in Pete’s version of events bore a rather striking resemblance to Bert McCracken.

“It’s not fair!!” Pete said, kicking the wall in the hospital waiting room. “Why does no one believe me?!”

Gerard had patted him on the head and given him a very patronising smile. Pete Wentz decided there and then that he really hated Gerard.

“Why did you get to have all the adventures?! There’s nothing special about you!!” he said, stamping his foot and folding his arms, glaring up at him. “You’re just fat, old and you don’t wash your hair!! Why did Peter Pan want you as a Lost Boy?!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Pete,” Gerard said with a smug grin. “You must have dreamt the entire thing.”

Gerard gave his head a small shake and as he did, Pete could have sworn he saw something that looked like gold dust sprinkle out his hair.

Before he could say anything though, at that exact moment, Dale Wentz and Gerard’s Mom had shown up and there were hugs and kisses and happy tears all round – Dale couldn’t stop thanking Gerard and his own Mom was hugging him so tightly that he had to tap her back to remind her to loosen her grip a bit.

“You’re a hero, Gerard,” Dale had said, her eyes shining. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

“He’s not a hero!!” Pete whined. “He’s just a big fat loser who totally stole my adventure!! And he’s totally still covered in pixie dust too!! Look, it’s still all in his gross hair!! Moooom, why aren’t you listening to me?!”

“Come on,” Gerard said, wrapping an arm around his Mom’s shoulders. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to make up for the hell he’d put her through in the past few days. “Let’s go home.”

~*~*~

It was a few days after Gerard had got back home and he was back where this tale had started; sitting at the kitchen table, looking over job listings. The only differences this time were that he was using a laptop instead of the papers and there was something about his general tone and attitude that had changed.

Everyone around him agreed on it, although no one would ever admit to his face; whatever had happened in those three days he’d been gone, he’d come back a prouder, stronger and overall happier man. He was still taking anti-depressants as advised by doctors but they believed he’d be able to come off them a lot sooner than expected.

He wasn’t better, not by a long shot. He would never not want alcohol and he knew he’d always have to keep an eye out for any warning signs that he was slipping back into another depressed state but for now, Gerard felt he could at least cope with that.

There was a knock on the front door.

“I’ll get it,” Gerard called out, shutting his laptop. His grabbed his cup of coffee and his bare feet skipped over the cold kitchen tiles he made his way to the front door to open it.

Mrs Toro stood on the doorstep.

For a second, Gerard stared at her in shock.

“You’re out your house!” he blurted out.

Her lips twitched in what was unmistakably a smile.

“Every now and then, the situation requires it,” she said with humour laced through it. Her voice was a lot stronger than Gerard was expecting from such a tiny, frail-looking woman. “I’m not stopping. I was hoping to see you, actually. I just wanted to say thank you.”

Gerard couldn’t think of a single thing to say to this, or even what he’d done to merit her thanks, so he responded eloquently with “I – uh – you’re welcome? I guess? Why?”

“I had the police round my house questioning me the minute that Wentz boy ran off,” she explained. “I’m sure you know the rumours, so naturally, I’m apparently the first port of call for them these days when a child goes missing.”

There was no mistaking the bitterness or anger as she spoke, and Gerard found himself nodding.

“That’s fucking stupid,” he said without thinking.

She nodded. “Glad you’ve got some sense. Anyway, your testimony cleared me.”

“But I –”

Gerard hadn’t even mentioned her when he gave his statement to the cops, and they hadn’t brought her up.

“I didn’t do anything,” he finished.

“From what I hear, you went after the Wentz boy.”

“Yeah,” Gerard said, scratching the back of his head as was his habit whenever he was uncomfortable or evading telling the truth. “My ex kinda kidnapped him to try and get back at me.”

“People do horrible things to each other,” she nodded again, her frizzy hair magnifying every move her head made. Mikey used to be scared of her because of the rumour that her hair could absorb children. Today, it was no different; a wild afro that exploded from her head.

Gerard stared at her hair. It reminded him of someone...

And then it clicked.

Gerard’s mug slipped out his hand and smashed on the floor. Coffee sprayed up the walls and soaked his feet.

“Gerard?!” Mom was already at his side. “Are you ok?” She suddenly noticed Mrs Toro and her face hardened.

“I’m fine,” he lied before his Mom could say anything. He couldn’t take his eyes off Mrs Toro’s face. How had he not realised before? She looked exactly like him. “Sorry... hand cramp...”

Mrs Toro gave him a sympathetic look.

“I should probably go,” she said. Gerard tried to protest but she waved him off. “You look like you should be in bed, Gerard.” She smiled warmly at him and then, with only the tiniest of hesitations, patted his shoulder. “Take care of yourself, alright?”

~*~*~

Gerard was curled up under the blankets on Mikey’s bed when he heard the door open.

“What happened now?” Mikey asked with all his usual sympathy. “Mom said Mrs Toro came round and then when she left, you went all weird and quiet. Was it seriously Mrs Toro? Like, actually out her house and all? What did she want?”

The sheets lifted and Mikey climbed in bed next to Gerard, letting the covers fall over their heads. It was too dark to see anything properly but Gerard could feel his brother next to him in the tiny space, hear his breathing.

Once the covers had settled, Gerard said “I met Ray Toro.”

Mikey said nothing but Gerard heard the tiny inhale of shock.

“He’s a Lost Boy,” Gerard said.

There was a small silence.

“At least he’s... well. Alive.”

“Yeah. And he’s all right. Pretty decent kid. But... he can’t remember her. It’s – it’s the way things are there. Neverland makes you forget.”

He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to look Mrs Toro in the face again. He made a promise there and then to start being nicer to her. He’d go over every week or so, see if she needed any errands run or if she just wanted some company. He knew it would never bring Ray back but he hoped... he hoped it would help.

“I wish I could tell her, you know?” Gerard sighed. “I wish I could tell her he’s OK. He’s safe and he’s happy. But she’d never believe me.”

“Probably not,” Mikey agreed.

Gerard thought back to the wooden sword hidden at the back of his cupboard with a brave little girl’s name carved into it. He wondered about her parents, about where she’d come from and where she’d gone.

He thought about Jimmy, Kitty and even Steve. He wondered what adventures they were having, if they even remembered him.

He didn’t let himself think about Frank though. It was still too painful. The only time he’d let himself think about him properly was after he’d had a dream about Frank the night after he got back. Frank had been sitting in the middle of a forest clearing, surrounded by fairies.

“I wish...” he was saying. “I wish I was. I know you can grant wishes if someone wants it enough here... and believe me, I do.”

The fairies and stars all stared at him, waiting. They already knew what he wanted but they needed him to say it. Gerard tilted his head, watching in curiosity. What could Frank possibly want? More Lost Boys, maybe?

“I wish –I wish that whatever I’m needed to be... I want to be it.”

When Gerard woke up, his chest hurt with so much longing that he swore to himself he wouldn’t think about Frank again, about what could have been if things had been different. It could never happen and it would only hurt to dwell on it.

Gerard knew what Frank needed to be. He was needed to be Peter Pan. The world needed Peter Pan and everything he stood for. Of faith, trust and fairy dust, of childhood innocence, of never growing up, of magic... Peter Pan was more than just a silly nonsense children’s story. It was a reminder to forever keep dreaming in a dark world. It was hope. Gerard knew he wouldn’t have gotten to where he was now if it hadn’t been for Frank, so who was he to deny such wonder to others needing it?

Frank probably didn’t even remember him anymore, Gerard figured. He’d never even carved his name into the Hangman’s Tree.

~*~*~

“I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.”
- Walt Disney

It was a few days later and Gerard Way’s fortunes were on the rise. One of the local art galleries was looking for someone to help out with the clerical work and general running of the place. Gerard had phoned up and mentioned he had an interest in art, especially the more twisted and strange stuff. The woman on the other end of the phone asked if he could come in for an interview that day.

The gallery was in the quieter part of town. When he walked in, the entire place was deserted.

“Hello?” he called out, his voice echoing around the rooms.

He wandered through the gallery, trying to find someone - anyone - when he stopped dead. On one of the walls was a selection of dioramas with the words ”To die will be an awfully big adventure” written above them. He took a closer look.

He was amazed by the style, which was paper figures cut out and folded into position. There was a very child-like way they’d been executed underlying the adult-elegance. One of the diorama’s caught his eye in particular; a weeping figure with long black hair was crouched over a child in a school uniform. There were strings coming out from the child’s neck with intricately cut red butterflies attached.

Gerard let his fingers linger on the glass case, staring at the scene.

“Don’t touch the art,” came a woman’s voice.

Gerard jumped back, caught doing something he shouldn’t. A woman black hair scraped back in a bun and a rather stern-looking face stared at him, one eyebrow raised.

“Sorry, sorry!” he babbled. “I just – wow. That’s awesome.”

The woman suddenly smiled at Gerard, all the more warmer.

“Really?” she asked. Her deep-red lips quirked up at one corner. “A lot of people say they think it’s too weird or immature.”

“Well, they’re fucking idiots,” Gerard said. “Who made this?”

She gestured to the plaque at the side of the piece.

“Lindsey Ballato,” Gerard read out. “Oh shit, really? She’s the woman who owns this place, isn’t she? I’ve got an interview with her, do you know where she is?”

The woman gave him a quizzical look.

“Gerard Way?” she asked.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

She smiled and held out her hand. “I’m Lindsey. It’s nice to meet you.”

~*~*~

Gerard got the job at the art gallery. The weeks passed and he started to get into an adult routine he’d never managed while living in New York, working 9 to 5 and earning money, eating regularly and taking more care of himself. He and Lindsey had almost instantly become friends; she had a very strong streak of aggression to her and she didn’t suffer fools but she took the time out to teach Gerard everything he needed to know about running the art gallery and when she saw him doodling on the back of an old receipt and discovered he could draw, she’d immediately suggested he displayed some of his work there. Gerard had then had to explain he hadn’t really done much in the past few years and he didn’t even have a current sketchbook.

Without another word, Lindsey had disappeared into one of the back rooms and came back out a few seconds later with a black, leather-bound sketchbook and a handful of graphics pens.

“Sometimes, things turn up in here and I’m not sure who they belong to,” she explained, handing them over to him. “So I put them away and wait until the owner shows up.”

“These aren’t mine,” he said, hesitant to take them.

“Sure they are,” she said with a smile. “They’ve been here for a while and they’re sure as shit not mine! Call it a bonus.”

“Is this so you don’t actually have to pay me a bonus?” he smirked, his fingers closing around the edges of the sketchbook.

Mine, he thought.

She’d laughed. “Drat, you’ve seen through my evil scheme. Anyway, lunch - where do you fancy? Apparently there's a new hipster cafe that's opened up around the corner that plays the most godawful music...”

His relationship with his Mom and Mikey was improving too. He started going out to more and more gigs with Mikey and once he started earning enough, he starting helping out his Mom around the house with chores and shopping, and every weekend, he visited Mrs Toro's house. Initially on his first unannounced visit, she'd been a little surprised to find the neighbourhood's resident overgrown goth on her doorstep but, like her son, had immediately accepted him and welcomed him in. When the weather was nice, he accompanied her as she walked her dogs and when it wasn't, they sat around her kitchen table drinking coffee and laughing at the town gossip. She never mentioned Ray around Gerard, although Gerard had seen the photos she had displayed on various surfaces throughout the house.

Bit by bit, he was starting to rebuild his life. He still wasn’t a hundred percent sure where he was going with it but he was starting to be OK with that.

~*~*~

It was one day towards the start of October when Gerard was running late for work. He’d had to sprint out the house, a slice of toast in his mouth and a quick crumby kiss on the cheek to his Mom and only just made his bus into town. He sank down on a nearby seat with a heavy sigh of relief.

As the bus carried on with its journey, something started nagging at Gerard’s attention. He wasn’t sure what it was. Idly, he looked at the random shadow on the floor of the bus and let his mind start to wander. He stuck his hand into his pocket, idly playing with the thimble he kept in there. He hoped Lindsey wouldn’t be too pissed at him for being late...

The shadow on the floor suddenly looked at him and flipped him the finger.

Gerard gave a yell of horror, jumping back in his seat as the bus screeched to a halt for the next stop. The shadow shook its head disapprovingly and then flew off out the open door.

“Hey, wait!!” Gerard yelled, scrambling to his feet and chasing after it (and ignoring the weird look he got from the driver). The shadow had flattened against the wall of a building, hands on hips and then it checked its wrist as if it to say “come on, we’re in a hurry!”

The second Gerard was close enough, it took off again, flying against the side of the building. Gerard ran after it, dodging out the way of random people on the sidewalk. The shadow hesitated on a corner and then disappeared around it –

“Hey!!” Gerard yelled, tearing around the corner -

He crashed solidly into someone and they both went flying to the ground.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry!!” Gerard babbled out at the same time as the guy said “Shit, are you OK?!” and then Gerard suddenly saw his face.

He stared at the guy he’d just taken down. He was wearing baggy torn jeans and under his jacket, Gerard could see a faded t-shirt that had a random leaf stencilled on the front.

“Fuck man, sorry, I totally wasn’t paying attention,” the guy said with a small smile, shaking his head. “Are you OK?”

Gerard stared at him. He knew that smile. He knew that face. He knew that voice. But...

The guy was getting to his feet, brushing himself off and held out a heavily tattooed hand out to Gerard. Gerard let himself be pulled to his feet and as he did, he caught sight of more tattoos disappearing off up the guy’s arms and on his neck.

“You’re short,” Gerard blurted out, looking down at the guy.

The guy raised his eyebrow.

“Are you sure you didn’t hit your head?” he asked.

Gerard just stared at him. He suddenly remembered the image from his dream, of the wish. “Whatever I’m needed to be, I want to be it.” His chest tightened.

Oh Frankie, he thought. You didn’t...

But he clearly had, because here he was, all grown-up and clearly with no idea who Gerard was.

Frank looked a little at a loss of what to do.

“OK, well... if you’re not hurt, I’m just gonna ... go,” he said, pointing in the opposite direction.

“What were you doing?” Gerard asked. “Before you – we ran into each other.”

Frank suddenly laughed.

“I was just chasing my shadow, you know?” he said, looking a little embarrassed to admit it. “As you do. Late for work, procrastinating and all...”

“You work?” Gerard asked, surprised.

“Yeah, at the bookshop over on fourth,” Frank said with a gesture of the direction.

“Iero’s Books?” Gerard asked. “That’s the one that has this whole section devoted to classical children’s literature, isn’t it?”

“You know it?” Frank sounded delighted. “Awesome! Yeah, that’s the one! Family business and all – I took it over a few years ago.”

Gerard couldn’t make sense of this. Was it really him? Where had he got the family and previous life from? Then again, he’d wondered the same thing about Lindsey after he’d met her. It hadn’t taken him too long to figure out who she was; she’d matured and grown up but her general essence was the exact same as the little girl who had tried to teach him how to sword fight and had thrown herself in the path of death and danger to save him. One afternoon in the gallery, she told him her current art pieces – her beautiful, strange art that bore childish nightmare resemblances to Gerard’s own undeniable memories – came from a lot of the dreams and games she used to play after school when she was a kid.

“So, you... I mean, your art. It was all a dream?” he asked, frowning.

“Maybe?” she said with a mysterious smile. “When you’re a kid, the line between real and make-believe kinda blurs.”

The best and only explanation he’d come up with for it all was faith, trust and pixie dust.

“So,” Frank said, and then paused. He’d been fumbling around in his pockets as he’d been speaking until he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter –

Gerard’s Lucky Lighter.

In his chest, Gerard felt his heart stutter as his hand automatically shot into his own pocket and squeezed the thimble.

Thankfully, Frank didn’t seem to notice and blew a mouthful of fresh smoke up into the air, oblivious.

“So, what about you?” he asked. “What were you doing before our paths literally crossed?”

“Uh... same as you actually,” Gerard said. “Procrastination and shadow chasing. At least... I think it was mine. Might not have been.”

He looked around for the shadow but it was long gone.

Frank laughed again, and Gerard caught sight of nose and lip rings that glinted in the sun.

“Are you OK?” Gerard asked. “I mean, I kinda took you out there.”

Frank just shrugged. “Nah, I’m pretty resilient!”

There was an awkward pause. Gerard stared at him, willing some kind of sign to appear. Was this just the universes way of mocking him or was it something else?

“Well, if you’re really OK,” Frank said, and turned to go.

There was still no sign.

Fuck it.

“I’m Gerard,” Gerard said.

Frank smiled and held out his hand. “Frank.”

Gerard just managed to hold himself back from saying “I know.” Instead, he mentally sent an apology in advance to Lindsey and instead said “Do you want to grab a coffee? I kinda took you out back there, it’d be my way of apologising.”

If he picked Lindsey up a coffee up and brought Frank along to the gallery, she’d understand. She would totally understand...

Frank grinned – and yeah, there it was. That brilliant grin that was just a few inches off a powerful crow. Gerard felt his heart swell with hope.

“Yeah,” Frank said. “I’d like that.”

“Really?” Gerard couldn’t stop the happy squeak in his voice.

“Yeah,” Frank said and then held up his hand. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“To live would be an awfully big adventure.”
- J.M Barrie, Peter Pan.