Chapter Text
The circus was bright compared to the world they had just come from. As they walked through the portal, Pomni squinted while her eyes adjusted.
“That was fun,” Gangle said. “Thanks for coming along, guys.”
“Thanks for inviting us!” Ragatha replied, smoothing her dress. “I’d never been to an art museum that big before.”
Zooble placed a clawed hand on their hip, then grabbed Gangle’s ribbon hand with the other. “Me neither. I used to be really into the contemporary stuff, but it’s been a long time. So really, thanks. I enjoyed that a lot.”
Though they didn’t go on formal adventures anymore, the group liked to plan what they now called “excursions” to go on together every week. Sometimes, they were full of excitement and action, like their old adventures were, but most of the time, they were more like a hangout between friends. They all preferred it that way.
This week had been Gangle’s idea: a self-guided tour around The Met in New York, but with contents from all over the world. Pomni was never a huge fan of art, but she was happy to go along anyway.
“Hey, Gangle,” she asked, “what was the name of that painter that Ragatha liked again? I think we should add some of those paintings to the cafe.”
“Thomas Cole.” It was Caine who responded. He walked at the back of the group, bent over a notebook where he had been frantically trying to scribble down notes on every single art piece they saw. It looked like he was still trying to get it all down. “Which ones would look the best?”
“Personally, I liked the yellow one with all the squares and circles,” Kinger said, in his characteristically dazed tone. “Boy, the eyeballs on that lady’s dress sure were pretty, huh?”
Gangle’s mask shifted, brow furrowed. “Oh, you mean The Kiss? I don’t think those were supposed to be eyeballs. Plus, that was by Klimt, not Cole.”
Kinger looked at her blankly. “Well, why did you bring it up then?”
“Um, why don’t we go to the cafe and plan it out?” Ragatha chimed in. She ran a hand through her yarn hair. “You wanna come, Pomni?”
Pomni smiled. “Nah, I’m gonna go visit you-know-who. I can meet you guys there later, though. I don’t think I’ll be in there for very long.”
Still holding Gangle’s hand, Zooble waved before turning to walk to the cafe. “He would’ve loved to make fun of that whole museum. Tell him to f— off for me.”
“Will do,” Pomni grinned, waving at the group as they headed off.
She turned and walked towards the giant fort in the corner of the circus, but she could still hear Caine peppering everyone with questions about their favorite art pieces. It was still a bit jarring to see him walking around as one of them, instead of flamboyantly floating across the stage with Bubble at his side. But it was refreshing, and nice to see him starting to become his own person with his own interests. Pomni also liked having someone near her own height as part of the group for once.
Purple and blue blankets loomed over her as she crossed the checkered floor. All of the abstractions had a new home now, in the serene aquarium beneath the circus. The fort didn’t really serve much of a purpose anymore. But everyone had silently agreed to leave it. It was the first thing in the circus they had really made, after all. It was special.
Plus, someone still used it.
“Hey, Jax,” Pomni said quietly as she pushed back the blanket that served as the door. Pillows in the same colors as the blanketed walls covered the floor, piled high in some places, sparse in others. It made the dark room feel cozy, despite its large, open space.
Near the center of the circular space, a black shape curled up on itself, asleep. When Pomni spoke, it opened its many glowing, colorful eyes and looked at her curiously.
She crawled across the pillows towards the abstraction, following the same path she always took to weave between the stacks. The bells on her shoes jingled with each movement. “You would’ve hated what we did today. Sorry, I didn’t bring you anything. The gift shop wasn’t great, and it was way overpriced.”
The abstraction watched her as she came closer, blinking slowly. When he did that, it almost made Pomni feel like he was really listening to her.
“Anyway, Gangle brought us to an art museum. We spent a few hours just walking around and looking at everything.” Finally, Pomni made it to her usual spot a few feet away from Jax’s bed. She picked up a pillow and propped it up behind her, then leaned back with her legs crossed. “It was really relaxing. Which is exactly why you would’ve hated it.”
Nearly every day, Pomni came here to tell him about it. Everything he would’ve liked, everything he would’ve despised, the things she pictured him doing in different circumstances. Sometimes she stayed for hours. Sometimes she talked the whole time, others she spent in silent thought, staring at the light Jax’s eyes cast on the blankets above them. There had been several instances where she’d fallen asleep in that dark, warm, comfortable fort, waking up in the morning half-sunken into the pillows.
No matter how long she stayed, Jax would never leave as long as she was there. They had connected the fort to the aquarium, so he could come and go as he pleased through the large hole filled with water on the far side of the fort. But he seemed to like the company.
That was part of why Pomni always came back.
“At one point, Kinger got too close to a statue and accidentally tripped the alarm,” she continued with a laugh. “A bunch of mannequin NPCs acting as security dogpiled him.”
The abstraction let out a quiet hum as it shifted, placing its head onto its glitchy paws. It still watched her intently.
None of the other abstractions ever came up here. Of course, they all looked the same, so it was hard to be sure. But to Pomni, at least, Jax felt different. Down in the aquarium, alongside the others, she couldn’t tell which was which, but in here, it felt like he knew her. Like he remembered her.
She knew that was wrong, though. He probably only came into the fort because he was used to it. They’d built it for him, and it was the first place he’d really calmed down. It was like a bird returning to its nest, or a bunny coming back to its burrow. Only instinct.
“Knowing you, you probably would’ve joined in and tackled Kinger, too.”
The abstraction closed its eyes again.
Pomni took a shaky breath, closing her eyes as well.
She knew it wasn’t really him. Jax was gone. Then why did she keep coming back here? Why couldn’t she move on?
Opening her eyes, she looked back at the dark form, sleeping peacefully. Her final words to him, that day in his mind all those months ago, came back to her. Stay with me.
She wanted to be angry with him for not listening to her. She wanted to hate him for every cruel thing he did to her, to Gangle, Ragatha, Kaufmo, and Ribbit. Hating him would make it so much easier.
But she couldn’t bring herself to. She couldn’t back then, when all she had was a suspicion that there was something deeper going on in his mind than what he showed. She especially couldn’t now, after seeing what that deeper side was.
Pomni let her head fall back against the pillows. Soft, colorful light from the aquarium opening danced on the fort’s ceiling, rippling with the waves of the water. She loved that effect—it reminded her of the aurora borealis, something she had always wanted to see in real life, but had never gotten the chance before the circus. It was always more breathtaking when Jax’s eyes were open, but the other abstractions waltzing through the water below provided something for Pomni to admire.
Strange, that such a tragic condition could be so beautiful.
She was the reason he ended up like this. She knew it. She had tried so hard to get him to open up to her, and when he finally tried, when he needed her, she wasn’t there.
Her breath caught in her throat as she thought back to that day, right before he abstracted. After spending weeks avoiding everyone, Jax had approached her. He was going to say something. But as always, he changed his mind, turned around, and walked away. And Pomni didn’t go after him.
Why hadn't she followed him? What was he going to say? It haunted her. That was part of why she was so determined to find him after. Even though she knew the danger, she followed his corrupted form into that hallway, shooting out the lights one by one until Jax and Pomni were all there was. She needed to know that she did all she could.
But even that, even everything she saw and learned about him, after finally holding onto him—it wasn’t enough.
Though she knew it was wrong, some part of her resented Zooble and the others for pulling her away from him. They only did it to save her, she knew. If they hadn’t intervened, Pomni probably would’ve abstracted too. But…
He said he didn’t want to go. That was the very last thing he said to her.
She let him go.
How could she live with herself knowing that?
Without realizing it, Pomni let out a sob, causing Jax to wake with a start, flinching like a cat. She sat up immediately.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I was… I was thinking too much.”
His eyes swirled an array of pink, blue, yellow, green, purple, all staring at Pomni. They didn’t seem angry. Looking into them for too long made her dizzy.
She smiled sadly, then stood up. “Thanks for always keeping me company, Jax. I should go now, the others are waiting for me. I’ll see you later.”
As she crossed the sea of pillows and slipped out the entrance to the fort, she heard the abstraction slide into the water behind her.