Work Text:
“Ry, come on! We gotta go meet the new neighbors. I heard they got kids, and one of them is our age! This could be our chance to have a friend.”
Ryland Grace wasn’t sure he needed any friends. He had his twin brother, Colt, and that was enough, wasn’t it? What if the new neighbors were loud? What if they were mean? What if they didn’t like Star Trek? He didn't want to be friends with anyone who didn't like Star Trek...
But he couldn't say no to Colt. Which is how he found himself trailing behind his brother as they trekked down the street to the house by the mailboxes. He could see the moving truck, big as a mountain. There were a bunch of men in green hats unloading items, carrying them into the house. They were so quick, like they knew exactly where everything was supposed to go.
Colt stopped, craning his neck to see what he could see. There were only the men in green hats. He couldn't see any signs of a family at all. He huffed, kicking at a rock on the ground. “I guess we'll have to try again later. Come on Ry.”
And try again later, they would. Ryland was in his room, putting the finishing touches on a homemade 1st Place Medal. It was made out of foil and markers. By the time he had finished it, he had already forgotten why he had made it in the first place, but he taped it to his shirt regardless. It was then that he heard loud stomping up the stairs, he knew he had only three...
Two...
One...
SLAM!
“RY THE NEIGHBOR KIDS ARE OUTSIDE PLAYING. LET'S GO NOW!”
Back across the street they went. He could see them now. The neighbor girl, blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, wielding a stick like a sword, while the boy hefted a large purple rock.
“Hey!” Colt ran the last few feet. “You're the new neighbors! Hi!”
The girl stepped forward. “State your name and business before stepping into our kingdom!” When she grinned, Ryland could see she was missing a few of her teeth. It made her look wild, which worked for her. He glanced at Colt to see how he'd handle it.
“I am Colton Grace of...over there!” He gestured to their yellow house, standing resolute among a sea of flowers and their willow tree. “And this is my brother, Ryland Grace, also of over there. We come here to... become friends!”
The girl nodded, satisfied. “I'm Laura Wilder. I'm going to be in fourth grade this upcoming year.” So she was older than them. Interesting.
The boy walked over, still carrying the rock. “I'm Sebastian Wilder. I'm gonna be in second grade.” Their age!
Ryland glanced at Colt, who quickly picked up his meaning. “We're gonna be in second grade too. That means that we should be friends. Do you wanna play?”
Sebastian nodded, but he was looking at Ryland. He took a step towards him. “Hi.”
“Oh. Ry doesn’t talk much. Our parents say he's non-birdal, or something. But it's pretty easy to figure out what he's saying anyway, at least I think so. But we also got like...twin telephony so we can read each other's minds.”
Ryland waved, offering Sebastian a smile. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk, he just hadn't figured out his voice yet, but he was trying. Sebastian was studying his face, eyes a bit squinty. After a moment, he nodded and returned the smile.
“Okay, let's play! By the way, I like your medal.” Ryland’s hand brushed against the medal on his shirt. Wordlessly, he took it off and offered it to Sebastian. “For me? Thanks! You know, I can tell that you and I are gonna be friends.”
“How many stars are up in the sky?” They were laying out on the Wilder Family’s trampoline. It was still summer, but the nights got cold, even in Los Angeles. Their breaths mixed together in the air, adding to the clouds. They were eight years old, having been the best of friends for the past two years.
“Approximately one septillion. Or ten with twenty-four zeroes.” Ryland’s voice was still quiet, but got more confident when talking about something science-related. Sebastian loved hearing it, which was why he always made sure to ask a question that he knew would get him going. “But that’s only in the observable universe. It’s roughly the same as every grain of sand on Earth.”
Seb let out a whistle. “You know, maybe one day you and me will go exploring up there. Find us a City of Stars to live in. How’s that sound?” He nudged him playfully.
“We already live in a City of Stars. ‘Sides, you can’t go to space. There’s no music up there. Just math and science. You’d be sad without music.” Ryland nudged back.
“I’d be okay if I had you. ‘Sides ‘sides, didn’t you say that music was just math anyway? So if space is just math, that means that it’s just music. Unless you were wrong?” Though Ryland couldn’t see it, he could picture Sebastian’s smug smile, the way his one eyebrow was raised in a challenge. It sounded like it was probably the left eyebrow this time.
Ryland shook his head, scrunching his nose up a bit. “I’m never wrong. You wouldn’t have jazz. There’s none of that in space.”
“There might be!” He sat up, grinning. “Say there might be! Or...” He lifted his hands, wiggling his fingers. “Else.”
Ryland shook his head. “You wouldn’t dare.” But he already knew what was heading his way. Their combined laughter could be heard throughout the neighborhood, and maybe all the way up amongst the stars.
“Are you sure you’re not bored, Ry?” Sebastian tilted his head, peeking at him from over the piano. “I know it’s not super interesting. You can go, if you want to.”
Ryland was laying on his stomach, working on something academic. He glanced at Seb, then shook his head. He wasn't bored. He wasn't going anywhere.
“Well, if you're sure,” he rolled his shoulder and started practicing his scales, it lasted for about a minute before his fingers shifted into jazz, his favorite. If his soul had a sound, it would be this.
Ryland rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, listening. It was a familiar song, though he couldn't remember the name. Sebastian would tell him if he asked, but he wasn't willing to interrupt. He'd find out eventually.
Piano afternoons were some of Ryland’s favorite days. There was nothing but him, Sebastian and music. It was when his best friend was happiest, most at ease, and that helped him be at ease in return. The song shifted back into scales, a different octave this time, before transitioning once more into a different song. He was playing with tempo today.
Sebastian was good. Really good. Like could make something of himself one day if he kept it up. Ryland wasn’t sure if that was his plan, they hadn’t really talked about the future much, not since they were little. And they were big now. Eleven years old. About to be in middle school. With lockers and a different teacher for each class. It was scary.
But big kids didn’t get scared, not about stuff like middle school. He inched closer to the piano. He could tell that Sebastian was winding down, the song was building up to a crescendo, and would break apart into a bunch of beautiful little melodies. A bit like looking up at the stars.
Once he was finished, he rested his hands atop the keys and smiled down at Ryland. It was the crooked smile reserved only for him. The one where his nose scrunched and his eyes crinkled. Ryland smiled back. “Well, well you didn’t get any work done!”
Ryland shook his head. He hadn’t, but that was okay. “It’s nothing important, just reading about science. Come on, lay with me. Tell me about the songs you just played.”
When they were twelve, things got bad.
“Come on Ry...” Colt practically pulled his brother down the street. It was dark, and the lone streetlight didn’t illuminate much, but he knew the way without even thinking about it. Though he didn’t go to Seb’s house as much as his brother, he still spent plenty of afternoons over there. Mrs. Wilder loved having the twins over. He hoped...that would carry over now.
His hand shook a little as he rang the doorbell, his other hand was firmly holding on to Ryland’s. It was nine o’clock, what if they were sleeping? But after a moment, the inner door opened, as a surprised Mrs. Wilder stared at them from behind the screen door. “Colt, Ryland? What are you doing here so late? Is everything alright?”
Colt shook his head, trying to smile, but knowing it looked all wrong. “I’m sorry ma’am, but...our dad he...” He shook his head again, tapping his fingers against his leg. “Can we um...stay here tonight? He uh...”
He couldn’t say the truth. He couldn’t say that he got tired of Ryland being Ryland, got tired of Ryland going silent, thinking in the deep ways that he did. That he started to yell, and grabbed Ryland’s book and threw it. Right at his head. Colt couldn’t say that. “He got mad...”
Mrs. Wilder pressed her lips together. She ushered them in, pulling them in for a hug. Ryland was trembling, he didn’t react. He was...cata...cata...something...Colt never remembered the word, but he would always remember the way his brother looked, staring straight ahead, like he was frozen. It was eerie. Mrs. Wilder touched his cheek gently, a small frown on her face.
“I’ll get you some of Sebastian’s pajamas. I don’t have toothbrushes for you...Did you two eat? I know it’s late, but I can make you sandwiches if you’re hungry.” She beckoned for them to follow her into the house. It was warm, and smelled like vanilla. An air freshener, probably. Colt liked it.
He tugged gently on Ryland’s hand, getting him to follow Mrs. Wilder. “We’re not hungry, Mrs. Wilder. Thank you though.” Remember your thank you’s, Colt had to show that despite everything, he was raised well.
“Okay. Well, let me go tell Seb that you’re here, and grab you those pajamas. You can sleep in his room, just like during your sleepovers.” She hurried upstairs. Colt could hear the hushed voices filter down. Then there was a loud “WHAT?!” and the rapid thunking of his feet down the stairs.
“Oh my God...Are you guys okay?” His eyes flicked from Colt’s face, to Ry’s. Colt shrugged. He really didn’t want to talk about it in front of Mrs. Wilder. Sebastian seemed to understand, he chewed on the corner of his lip, then took Ryland’s other hand. “Cmon Ry, let’s get you to bed.”
It was only once they were upstairs, safely in Sebastian’s extra pajamas, curled up on a nest of pillows and blankets that Colt explained what had happened. Sebastian listened, his expression darkening with each word. “God...I’m so sorry...Has...Ry been like this before?”
Colt shrugged. “Sometimes. If he gets yelled at, he’ll hide in his head, but I can usually snap him out of it. Actually, I had an idea...will you play for him?” He looked at the keyboard in the corner of the room. “He uh...talks about it all the time. How much he loves to hear you play. He likes the...” Colt searched for the words. “He likes when the song...uh...crescendos then breaks apart like the stars? I dunno what any of that means, but his eyes always get sparkly when he talks about it.”
Sebastian’s cheeks warmed as he grabbed the keyboard. He didn’t know that Ryland talked to his brother about the piano playing. That...felt really special. “It’s not gonna sound as good on the keyboard, but hopefully it’ll help...” He started to play the song he figured Colt was talking about.
Eventually, Ryland began to cry. He still didn’t speak, but he was reacting to Colt and to Sebastian, hugging them back. He was going to be okay.
They fell asleep, safe and together in the middle of that room.
None of them ever spoke about that night.
“Jessica asked me out today.” Sebastian said it casually, glancing at Ryland. “Said I was cute.” They were standing at their lockers, exchanging books out before heading to lunch.
“Oh. Okay.” Ryland tapped his fingers on the side of the locker. At the beginning of the year, it felt fortuitous that they were locker neighbors. Who wouldn’t want to be right next to their best friend? But if Sebastian was going to have a girlfriend... “What did you say to Jessica?”
Seb shrugged. “I said thank you? Like c’mon. I’m not a jerk.” He laughed, grabbing his lunch and his history textbook. “Let’s go, I’m starving.”
“No, like...are you going to go out with her? Do you like her?” With each question, his voice got quieter. “Is she going to be your girlfriend?”
Sebastian closed his locker and chewed on the corner of his lip. “I dunno yet. She’s pretty, I guess. I’m gonna think about it and let her know. Now, let’s go eat.”
Ryland grabbed his food and closed his locker. He wished he knew why the idea of Sebastian getting a girlfriend bothered him so much.
“Things...feel different between us.”
They were sitting on the pier, overlooking the vastness of the Pacific. This had been Sebastian’s idea, going out to the pier, just the two of them. They did it a lot when they were kids. They weren’t kids anymore. They were fifteen, which didn’t feel old, but it also felt ancient. Like they were nearly adults, or expected to be.
“Why do things feel different...” Sebastian was talking more to the universe than to him. He didn’t feel compelled to answer. Besides, he didn’t know the answer. Or rather, he did know the answer, but he didn’t know how to explain it. Or rather, he did know how to explain it, but he was just afraid.
Ryland Grace was a bit of a coward. Always had been.
He traced a finger along the patterns in the wood. “You’ve got a girlfriend, that’s different.” It wasn’t exactly fair of him to say, nor was it true. Sebastian had done a good job of balancing them both. Ryland just...didn’t like sharing him. It felt the same as when Colt got a girlfriend. Everyone important to him was leaving him behind.
Seb frowned. “I’m allowed to date, Ry. Y’know, one day, you and I are gonna grow up and we’ll get married and we’ll have families. We’re supposed to be friends through all of that. That’s what I thought, at least.”
Ryland shrugged. “I guess. I just...don’t know why you need a girlfriend.” It wasn’t what he wanted to say. It wasn’t coming out right. Nothing was coming out right. “I just miss being a little kid with you. Sorry.”
That still wasn’t right, even if it was true. The silence between them was filled with the sounds of the seagulls calling out, and the waves crashing to shore. Sebastian added to it with a sigh. “I get that, but...we aren’t little kids anymore. But that doesn’t...it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop caring about you. I’ll always love you, Ry.”
For some reason, that made his stomach churn. “I’ll always love you too, Seb...”
“So Ry, who do you have a crush on?” It was the three of them: Seb, Colt and Ryland, all sprawled out in the living room. Colt didn’t join in the sleepovers too much, he was always busy with sports, or his group of friends, but their dad was going on a business trip, so the twins were staying with the Wilders for the weekend.
Ryland frowned, removing his glasses to clean them on his shirt. His brow was furrowed, deep in thought, focusing on the task. If he focused hard enough, perhaps he could make the other boys believe that he simply hadn’t heard.
“Yeah, Ry,” Seb laughed, flopping on his back. “There’s gotta be someone.”
Oh.
Great.
Betrayal.
He replaced the glasses on his face. “I don’t know.”
Colt rolled his eyes. “C’mon, everyone has a crush on someone. You just don’t want to say. We won’t make fun of you, will we Seb?”
“Absolutely not. We can even help you ask her out, if you want.”
Her.
Why did that bother him so much? Why did that feel so wrong? Make him crawl out of his skin...Her...
Ryland frowned. “There isn’t anyone, okay? And I definitely don’t want you to help me ask anyone out. Can we just drop it?”
They both laughed again, the sound was sharp in his ears. “RyRy’s got a secret crush! I can tell. Come on, we won’t judge you for it.”
He swallowed hard, his shirt bunched in his fists. “Stop,” his voice had gone quiet, hushed. A tone both boys were familiar with. The laughter died down, the smiles wiped from their faces completely.
Sebastian was the first to move to his side, he put his hand over Ryland’s trying to get him to loosen the vicegrip on his shirt. “Sorry, Ry. We were just teasing. We pushed too far.” His voice was quiet as well, calm. “We’ll stop though, I promise.”
“What does it feel like?” Ryland’s voice had taken on a bit of a desperate pitch. They were sitting in Sebastian’s bedroom. Their hangouts were happening less and less these days. Sebastian was playing piano for the youth orchestra, and Ryland was working part time at a tutoring center. Not to mention...Sebastian’s girlfriend.
Sebastian frowned, searching Ryland’s face. “What does...what feel like?” He fidgeted with his hands, it was a familiar movement, one that Ryland found comfort in watching, almost as much comfort as Sebastian got from doing the movement. “Ry?”
“Having...a crush on someone...liking someone...what does it feel like?” After their conversation that night in the living room, Ryland couldn't get the thought out of his head. Colt and Sebastian seemed convinced, so certain that everyone had to have a crush on someone. Like it was some sort of…steadfast rule. A law of the universe. But Ryland didn't have one, so that meant there was something wrong with him. Isn't that what it meant? There was something wrong with him, right? That had to be the case. He blinked hard a few times, sucking in air through his teeth. "I just…need you to explain it. Please…"
Seb frowned. "Okay…Uh, yeah. Sure. It's like…when you really care about someone, and you want to be around them all the time. Like…you crave their company? And maybe you want to hug them and kiss them. Like you look at them and you get butterflies in your stomach. I guess? I don't know, Ry. You just…know."
Ryland shook his head. "That's not…That just sounds like…having a friend. Except the…kissing part. Is that the only difference?"
Sebastian shrugged. "I guess? I don't know. It's not something people usually explain. There aren't really words for it."
Ryland crossed his arms over his chest. "Play it for me then. What does the song for your crush sound like?" He didn't actually want to hear this. Oh God, why did he ask for that? And why did he care so much?
Sebastian laughed awkwardly, playing with the piece of hair that was always falling over his forehead. "I think I should play it for her first, don't you think? She should be the first one to hear it. But uh…maybe I'll show you some other time."
Ryland stared at the floor between them, a chasm beginning to form, threatening to swallow him whole. Sebastian had never refused him the piano. He nodded, just a tiny thing, wasn't even sure if his head had moved at all. "Okay…" He got up. "Bye Sebastian…"
As he walked out, his heart tightened, his chest constricting, lungs refusing to inflate fully. He was fairly certain he was dying, probably wouldn't even make it home. Hot tears burned his eyes, escaping down his cheeks.
None of this was fair. He seemed to be losing the person who was the most important to him. And to a girl, no less. Or maybe, it wasn't a girl at all. Maybe Sebastian could just see the truth, and was disgusted by Ryland. As disgusted by Ryland as he was by himself. For he had realized something in that room, something he had known deep down for a long time, but didn't want to acknowledge.
He was in love with Sebastian Wilder, and it was absolutely going to be his undoing.
"I miss when we were kids and just…hung out on the trampoline. Do you remember those days?" Sebastian turned to look at Ryland, the tassel from his cap hanging in his face. Ryland wanted to reach over and brush it aside, but he wasn't allowed to get that close. Not anymore.
He nodded. "Yeah. I remember." He looked up at the sky, the early midday sun shined bright against the blue. Not a cloud to be seen. If only there were clouds, it would match the mood. One thing Ryland had always hated was change. And everything was about to change after that night.
Everything had already changed.
Oh, he and Sebastian were still friends. They still talked to each other, they still occasionally went to each other's houses, but it was never the way it was when they were younger. And Ryland mourned that. He didn't get to go to piano practice anymore, he was no longer privy to Sebastian's every thought or whim.
It was an aching that he didn't know could exist. A grief that was so incomprehensible, he struggled to even put it into words. For how did someone grieve a person who was still alive? How did they mourn a relationship that still technically existed, but that stagnated and would never grow into what it could have been? How was he supposed to explain that?
Not that it mattered, they were both off to college after the end of summer. Sebastian went to a music conservatory, while Ryland went to a college specializing in the sciences. He was already on the PhD track, having taken accelerated classes, and earning college credit. Eventually, he would no longer be Ryland Grace. He would be Dr. Ryland Grace, PhD. Maybe change wasn't so bad, after all. Maybe the change in title and name could help him be someone else. Help him forget.
He could feel Sebastian looking at him. The intensity of his gaze, burning the side of his face. Ryland turned to meet it. "What?" There was pain in those blue eyes. A pain that felt familiar, but not one he'd ever seen mirrored back at him before. Which made everything hurt even more.
"Nothing…It's nothing. Um…good luck tonight, Valedictorian. I'll be rooting for you." He squeezed Ryland's shoulder and stood up. Ryland watched him go. If this were a romance movie, he would have called Sebastian back, dipped him in his arms and kissed him. Declaring his love.
But it wasn't.
Real life didn't work like the movies.
College was everything he could have hoped for. He was practically a new man. Of course, he kept in contact with Colt and tried to keep in contact with Sebastian, but it was hard. Schedules were hard. Everyone was so busy.
Especially him—he liked it better that way.
The first year morphed into the second, which morphed into the third. He was nearly done with his Bachelor's Degree and had already been accepted into a Masters program. Did he know what he wanted to do with these degrees after graduating? No, but that didn't matter.
He missed Sebastian.
He missed having someone to talk to who was passionate. His roommate was dull, his classmates were dull. His professors were dull. Everyone was dull. No one around him talked about the vibrancy of the world. No one knew how to go on and on about things that mattered to them, no matter what the subject was. Didn't they get it? Ryland would gladly listen to someone talk about mold spores if they were truly captivating!
But no one was.
He found a Jazz station on the radio, tapping his fingers along, trying to mimic Sebastian's playing, but he didn't have the dexterity. The music helped ease the ache just a little bit, but it was the passion that he was truly missing. He wanted to see Seb's eyes light up, he wanted to see the wild, almost cartoonish, gesticulations. He wanted to ride the wave of tangents, trying to follow from one thought to another, connected only by loose chord progressions and a "Did you know that…"
Suddenly the waves of grief that he had pushed down rose up, rising, and cresting at the peak of discomfort before crashing down, battering him with enough force that the wind was knocked out of him. Hands trembling, he reached for his phone and called Sebastian.
"Ryland?" He sounded half-asleep. Shoot, what time was it? Oh. It was late. "Ry? Are…is everything alright?"
"Sorry I…I didn't realize the time." He was embarrassed, but God it felt good to hear his voice. "Um…" was everything alright? No, not at all. But he couldn't get into it, not really. "I just…" His tongue darted out, wetting his lips. "Missed my best friend."
There was silence so loud that he could almost hear the airwaves crackling. He checked twice to make sure the call hadn't dropped. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. When it finally reached a point that felt too uncomfortable to go on, he heard a soft sigh.
"I miss you too."
Ryland tapped his fingers nervously against his leg. After his middle-of-the-night phone call, they agreed to meet. It had been three years since they had properly seen each other or spent any real time together. And he didn't know how to cope. Had Sebastian changed? Had Ryland? Maybe? He didn't even know at this point. He still felt the same.
But three years was a long time.
"Hey Ry…" The voice behind him made him jump. He had been looking in the complete wrong direction. He turned, suddenly face to face with Sebastian. He gave a little smile. He certainly looked the same. Just as beautiful as he'd always been.
Was he allowed to say that? Probably not.
He looked tired, and a little bit sad. "It's good to see you." He wore a button-up shirt and a tie, trousers and a matching blazer. Something he had started doing near the end of High School, it was a bit pretentious. But Ryland liked it. It did make him feel sorely underdressed, even if they were just walking along the pier.
He zipped up his jacket, hiding his stupid science pun t-shirt. "Good to see you too. You look…really nice."
Sebastian regarded him, hands in pockets. “You look...tired.” He scrunched up his face a little. “Have you been getting any sleep lately? You taking care of yourself?” He stepped towards Ryland.
“Oh.” He laughed, a nervous sound, he blinked hard. “Yeah, you know...just working on my thesis. Doing lots of...big science.” He shrugged. “But that’s not...That’s not what’s really important here. I’d rather...talk about you! About your piano playing. I heard you’re...doing really well. Your Mom...mentioned it to my Dad who mentioned it to Colt, who told me...”
How had things gotten so wrong, so off-course that Sebastian hadn’t told Ryland himself? How had they lost track of each other so badly that Ryland hadn’t felt like he could ask about these things? It hurt, no it killed him that he wasn’t in Sebastian’s life like he thought he always would be.
He sniffled, feeling the tell-tale sign of burning behind his eyes. He blinked hard a few times, willing the tears to stay put. “Can you...” His voice hitched. “Can you say something? Anything?”
Sebastian was no longer looking at Ryland. He was staring at the ground next to him, his lips moving silently, though Ryland couldn’t make out the words. His hands...those beautiful hands with his long, slender fingers...they were fidgeting, always fidgeting...Make a fist, squeeze, rub the thumb over the fingers. He always did that when he was nervous, or thinking too hard about something.
“Sebastian...” It was Ryland’s turn to take a step forward. Finally, he looked up, his eyes were red.
“Back when we were in High School you wanted to know what having a crush on someone sounded like. Do you remember that?” He shook his head. “Nevermind, of course you do, it’s you. You’d never forget something like that.” He exhaled, his breath shaky. “I told you that I couldn’t play it for you.”
“Yeah. I...remember...you said that she should be the first person to hear it. Did you ever play it for her?” There was more venom to his voice than he intended. He swallowed hard, forcing himself to keep it together.
Sebastian shook his head. “No...” his voice was barely a whisper. “I lied to you that day. It wasn’t for...well what I mean is that...I couldn’t play it for you because it...It wasn’t finished. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t ready.”
Ryland frowned. “What are you even trying to say? Why would I care about a song for your girlfriend not being ready? You know, you really...you really hurt me that day, Sebastian. Never before, and I mean never have you not let me listen to you play. It felt like...like you were locking me out of your life.”
There was a tremble to his lip that Ryland hadn’t noticed before. “I know.” He breathed the words more than said them. “But you don’t...you don’t understand!” A tear slipped down his cheek, and then another.
“Then explain it!” Ryland was crying now too. This was all a mistake. They were supposed to be rekindling whatever was left of their friendship, not breaking it into even smaller pieces.
“The song was for you. Fuck, I’ve been in love with you since we were like ten years old. I just...I just...Didn’t know what to say? How to say it? So I was...going to play the song for you, but you looked so upset. And then before that, when we asked who you had a crush on, you were so mad. And–”
Ryland interrupted him with a hug, holding him as tight as he could. “You’re an...you’re an idiot, Sebastian Wilder. And...and maybe I am too. No...I definitely am too. I just...” He shook his head, readjusted and kissed him. It was everything he had ever imagined it to be. And he had imagined it...a lot.
Sebastian broke the kiss first, eyes wide. “What?! WHAT?! YOU–SERIOUSLY??”
“Why do you think I...got so mad when you got a stupid girlfriend?” Ryland blushed. “I’ve...been in love with you since we were kids too. I just...didn’t really know what to do with the feelings. Talking is...hard for me, remember? And then you got a girlfriend, and then you started pulling away, so I started pulling away. And then we stopped talking after high school. But I’ve never stopped thinking about you...”
“Fuck me...I mean...” He blushed. “We can ah...work up to that...I can’t believe we’ve wasted all this time...I’m sorry, Ry. Really...I just assumed that...you wouldn’t...” he shook his head. “I am an idiot. Big dummy.”
“I think there’s still time for us. We’re young. We got a lot going on, but,” Ryland shrugged and took Sebastian’s hand, “that shouldn’t stop us from finding that City of Stars that we were always talking about.”
“We were eight years old. You still remember that?” He squeezed Ryland’s hand, it was a nice feeling.
“Well yeah, of course. Why do you think I’m studying to be a scientist? I gotta go up to space and play jazz and find that place just for us.” Ryland smiled.
“My City of Stars, shining just for me. So, when are you free next so I can play you that song? You know...the one I should have played you back when we were teenagers?”
Sebastian’s fingers rested on the keys, he took a pause before smiling up at Ryland. There was not a dry eye in the whole crowd as he walked back up the aisle, and took Ryland’s hands. “That song was one that I wrote for you when we were fifteen years old. I didn’t play it for you for a few years after that. But it was always meant to be our song.”
Ryland nodded, unable to find the words to express how he was feeling, he was never very good with words. Luckily for him, there was a script for him to follow, this much he could do. “Do you, Ryland Grace, take Sebastian Wilder to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.”