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Colorless halls. Crossed out faces on every door. Unsettling ambiance echoing throughout the tent. Unfamiliar. Cold. Empty.
They were gone. All of them. All of the humans except for Pomni. One by one. Kinger, Ragatha, Zooble, Gangle. Gone. He was alone once more. No. No no. That can’t be. They were fine not long ago. They were fine. What happened? Where’s Pomni? Her icon was crossed out on her door too but…no. That can't be right. He has to find her. Please. Please not her too.
Everything shifts, swallowed by pitch black. His back slams against a cold, hard surface. The floor. He sits up to look around but…there’s nothing. Just desolate, eerie silence stretching endlessly. Something…something was wrong. Horribly wrong. His shuddering breaths quicken as he feels the prickling sensation of gooseflesh on his skin.
He was being watched.
A spotlight above flicks on, showering him in its intense glow. He recoils from the sudden brightness, shielding his eyes until they adjust. Dropping his hand back to the floor, he glances around when another spotlight flicks on nearby. He turns—
Pomni…
The jester stood, mere feet away from him, but something was still dreadfully wrong. Her body was glitching and she looked…she looked…
No. No no no no.
He pants, nearly hyperventilating as panic consumes him. He shifts back ever so slightly as his pupils shrink in horror, his eyes never leaving her sunken, lifeless face. She can’t be—no. He chokes back a sob, small whimpers clawing their way out of his throat. Why? Why is this happening? No. Please no. He lost everyone already. He can’t lose her too. Please not her. Not her. Anything but—
She blinks, her eyes rolling into the back of her head as more glitches travel across her model. Then, she falls forward and—
The light flicks off before her body makes contact with the ground.
His eyes snap from side to side for a moment, scanning for her when—
A shimmering, inky mass with dozens of colorful eyes across the surface appears before him, towering over his small, meek form and screeching directly in his face. Angry. Threatening. Menacing.
He shuts his jaws closed, putting a hand up in a pathetic attempt to protect himself.
Please, I’m sorry. Pomni. I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. My fault. I failed you. I’ll do better just…please don’t leave me! I can’t lose you!
Then, it was gone.
As quickly as it came, the abstracted Pomni disappeared, leaving him alone in darkness once more. He clutches his chest where his heart would be if he had one. His panicked eyes search for any more movement as he tries to steady his breathing. But…he was alone.
Alone.
Without them. Without her.
F̛̯͈͖͚̖̥̣̂ͮ̎ͫ͞͞͡oȑ̻͍̱̦͈͉͍̄͛̓͟e͋ͨ̇͊̕͏̵͙͎̱͎͘ver̗̺͙̙̖̮̫͊ͪ͗́ͬ͟ͅ.̶̮̹̗̤͇͕̯̠̐ͨ̑͘͟
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Caine wakes up with a terrified yelp, gasping for air he didn’t need. His shaky hands lay flat on the table and his fingers curl into the wood grains. Once his breathing calms enough, he realizes he’s in his office. His colorful, wonderful, peaceful office.
A dream. It was…just a dream. An unpleasant one at that. One that forced him to face his worst fears.
But why? Why now?
Things were going so well with the humans! It’s been months since…everything happened. Since his biggest mistake led to his accidental deletion. Since he gave up his power over the Circus and its residents. He’d finally found peace. Found happiness. Found belonging. He could actually say, with confidence, that the humans accepted him. He was happy with all his friendships with them, especially Kinger and Pomni!
So what gives? Why did his beeswax-polished coconut of a brain keep showing him something so…horrible while he was in shutdown mode? And why Pomni specifically? She is incredibly important to him and enjoys her presence more than anybody in the Circus so…why her? Why always her?
Is…is this…another reason he’s defective?
No. No no. Kinger said he wasn’t broken or defective. They had a long talk about this and his creator, his father, told him that he was his greatest achievement. It took months for Caine to finally feel comfortable accepting Kinger’s words.
So…why?
A weight settles itself uncomfortably in his gut. The fear. The raw, dreadful, harrowing fear gnawed at his insides still. The dream felt so real. He truly thought he was watching her abstract in front of him. He felt so powerless and scared. He couldn’t save her. He could do nothing but watch as his beloved jester sank to the ground like a bag of rocks.
Drip.
A salty tear trails down his teeth, splashing unceremoniously onto the desk. Startled, he reaches up, touching the liquid with his gloved hand. He was…crying. But the dream wasn’t real. He knows it wasn’t real. She was fine. Everyone was fine, sleeping peacefully in their rooms.
Right…?
No. He has to be sure. He has to see her for himself.
His chest ached.
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Her bedroom chandelier flicks on, stirring Pomni from her sleep. She slowly sits up, confused and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She blinks, glancing around the room until her gaze lands on the disheveled, trembling former ringmaster sitting at the foot of her bed. He looked…terrified.
“Caine…?”
He flinches back slightly at the sound of her voice and begins to rock himself when he speaks, his panic-stricken eyes searching her face.
“Hey, uh…P-Pomni…” he begins, looking down at her blanket for a moment before refocusing back on her, “Y-you weren’t planning on abstracting anytime soon…were ya?”
Wh…what?
“Uh…no…?” she shakes her head, becoming more alert at the sudden, troubling question, “No plans currently.”
“Okay, good!” he responds immediately, relaxing somewhat at her words and holding both hands up in a…finger-gun gesture? His gaze drops and he fidgets with his hands, “Cool, cool, cool…”
Something about this didn’t sit right with her. There was something he wasn’t telling her but…what? She studies him for a moment, really taking his appearance in now that she was more awake.
His bow-tie was crooked, the collar of his suit crumpled on one side, and his eyes were red and irritated like he’d…been crying. He looked…haunted. Her eyes widen with concern but before she can say anything, he reaches over to turn off her light, no doubt about to teleport away.
“W-wait!” she lunges forward to gently grab the wrist still sitting in his lap, ignoring the way he jumps at her touch. It wasn’t like her to initiate touch like this but…she can’t…she can’t let him go off alone in this state. Something was wrong and the feeling in her gut told her that he needed her right now.
Both of them stare into each other's eyes, a silent conversation without words. Hers pleading for him to stay and his filled with a desperate need for comfort but not wanting to burden her with his stupid, irrational fears.
“Caine…please…” she rubs the inside of his wrist with her thumb, “talk to me.”
She expected him to sigh and tell her what was wrong reluctantly. She expected him to possibly reassure her nothing was wrong and to go back to sleep. She expected him to downplay it and make jokes to prove he was fine.
What she didn’t expect is for him to completely break down into gut-wrenching, uncontrollable sobs, and avoiding eye contact completely.
She sits there, stunned into silence watching the AI man crumble in front of her. Vulnerable and exposed. Despite learning a ton about him and getting closer to him over the past six or so months, he never expressed the deep despair he was showing her right now.
She knew he was so much more than a simple AI for a long time now. He was so, so much more. A sentient being with thoughts and feelings as real as any humans. Someone she truly cared for and considered a dear friend, regardless of the hardships of the past. Which means…seeing him like this…
The sight made her heart ache.
“Hey, hey…it’s okay. I’m here,” she pulls him closer, their knees touching, and cups the side of his face with her free hand, “can you look at me, Caine?”
He exhales a shaky breath and nods, opening his jaw to meet her blue and red pinwheel eyes with his own green and blue heterochromia ones.
“That’s it, deep breaths. It’ll be okay.” She smiles warmly at him and squeezes his hand softly. Once he’s calmed down enough and his breathing steadies, she tries again, holding both of his hands in hers, “Okay, now…can you tell me what happened?”
“I…um,” he begins, shutting his teeth to hide his eyes and shifting uncomfortably, “I’ve been…having unpleasant dreams.”
Huh. She wasn’t expecting that answer.
“You can…dream?”
“Usually, no. This is…very new to me. But…its the same awful dream I’ve had many times before.”
She pauses, mulling over his words before shaking her head. She’ll have to ask more about his ability to dream later.
“Alright so…what are these dreams about?”
He visibly stiffens at this question and hesitates. She squeezes his fingers reassuringly, encouraging him to keep going.
“Everyone was…gone,” his voice cracks but he clears his throat and continues, “A-abstracted. Everything here in the Circus was colorless and bleak. Lifeless. Every portrait on every door was crossed out…including yours…”
Her breath hitches but she says nothing, not wanting to interrupt.
“A-and then…I was trapped in darkness with nothing but a light over me. And you were there with a light too but…” he chokes back a sob, squeezing her hands and trembling, “you were glitching and…you fell over after your eyes rolled back into your head b-but…the light turned off and…your abstracted form was there instead…screaming at me. Such horrible, awful screams,” he shudders, “then you weren’t there anymore and I was…alone.”
“We're all going to Abstract someday and what will you have then? Nothing!”
She felt her heart plummet to the floor at the memory of the venomous words she said to him that day. Yes, she meant it at the time due to her anger but she couldn’t help but feel the guilt eat at her inside, especially after bonding so much with him recently. Knowing that their abstraction and being left alone is something he fears so badly that he’s having nightmares about it was…heartbreaking to say the least.
She’s pulled out of her thoughts when something wet splashes onto her skin.
“Hey…” she reaches out to place her hand under his lower jaw, lifting his head up to meet her eyes again before sliding it to cup his cheek, wiping away the tears with her thumb “I’m okay, I promise. I have no intention of abstracting and leaving you here alone. I know I've said it before but…I'm sorry for saying those hurtful words that day.”
He slowly reaches up to hold the hand on the side of his face and leans into it, closing his eyes and exhaling like the world was lifted off his shoulders. Her face flushes with warmth at the intimacy of it, her heartbeat stuttering in her chest.
“It’s alright. I know why you said what you said…what I don't understand is why it’s…it’s always…” his eyes opened to bore into hers, pinning her in place. Every emotion he was feeling swirled in his large eyes like he was an open book. Grief, fear, hope, anxiety, and…something like…adoration. “It’s you. Always you in these dreams. Everyone else is already gone but…I’m always forced to watch you abstract and…I don’t know why it's always you but…it hurts…it's agony.” he chokes out, voice breaking again as his tear filled eyes find hers.
His admittance made her breath catch in her throat. A light, fluttery feeling swarmed in her stomach and her cheeks felt impossibly hot. She’s never seen him so open and honest like this. So defenseless. Her breathing becomes shallow and she feels dizzy within the intoxicating confines of their intimate bubble.
He reaches out tentatively to lightly stroke her blushing cheek with the back of his fingers, his eyes shining with fresh tears and…something else. Something…more.
“Losing you seems to be my biggest fear, Pomni…”
She stops breathing and doesn’t move.
“I…I don’t know why though,” he starts, his gaze flicking down to her lips for the briefest moment before returning to her eyes, searching, “I care for everyone here in our home but…these intense feelings towards you…I don’t understand them since I've never felt them before. Is there…something wrong with me?”
“No…” she breathes, her eyelids drooping as she feels herself lean in towards him, “Nothing is wrong with you, Caine. I think…I’ve been feeling the same way for a while now without realizing it…until this moment.”
His eyes widen in surprise at that but he recovers quickly. Their faces were only inches apart now, their breaths mixing in the close proximity. The air around them buzzes, charged with an electric heat neither of them want to quell.
“Caine…can I…?” she asks, hoping that he knows what she’s asking because saying it fully out loud might make her self-combust from embarrassment.
A flash of shock and confusion ripples across his face before being replaced with a deep scarlet blush. It almost made her laugh, seeing how adorable and innocent he looked. But when he looks back at her, the fervor and desperation in his eyes makes that laughter die in her throat. Her heart flutters wildly in her ribcage.
“Please…” he whispers, his breath tickling her face as his eyes flick to her lips and back again before leaning in to meet her half way.
Her lips brush shyly against his teeth, awkward and clumsy from nerves and the unfamiliarity of lips on teeth, but soon it deepens with a surge of confidence. The world, the circus, her room, everything melts away, ceasing to exist. Caine holds her head gently in his hands, treating her with a tenderness as if she were something most precious. She sighs into the kiss, warmth blooming in her chest like the sun peeking out behind clouds after a gentle rain.
It felt…right. Natural and obvious. Like this was exactly where they'd always end up. Two beings finding comfort in one another after facing impossible obstacles that should have torn them apart.
She knows she's felt safe with Caine for a while now, genuinely enjoying his company and looking forward to their strolls around the Circus grounds or doodling together with Gangle and Zooble in the lounge area or hanging out with Ragatha and Kinger by the digital lake. She knew she felt…something for the eccentric ringmaster but never in a million years would she have thought this is what it was.
It seems like neither of them expected to fall as hard as they did, but they fell regardless.
What a fool she was for not seeing it sooner. Yet, somehow, an adorably oblivious AI like Caine was closer to figuring it out than she was. Between the nightmares and that, doesn't it prove just how human he actually is?
She smiles widely against his mouth at the thought, unable to hold back the breathy giggle that rushes out. He pulls back a bit to observe her in awe, his eyes sparkling with affectionate elation.
“What is it, my dear?” he asks softly, brushing her reddened cheek with his thumb.
“I just think it’s funny that you realized you were feeling something like this before I did,” she giggled again, the sound of it making Caine grin wider.
“Quite the contrary, my jovial jester, I still don’t fully understand what I'm feeling,” he chuckles and pulls her hand to place it on his chest, “all I know is that I felt it strongest in here every time I looked at you.”
“H-how are you—when–-..” she stutters, her blush somehow deepening even more, “where did you learn to be so…charming?”
This question seems to have caught him off guard.
“Uh…uhm…well,” he starts, looking away sheepishly and scratching the side of his face, “Kinger had to uh…teach me a lot of different things in order to…fulfill Zooble’s,” he coughs nervously, squeaking out, “adult request…”
She bursts out laughing at how flustered he was trying to get the sentence out. Of course Kinger was the one that helped him with that. She would have given anything to be there for those conversations. She’ll have to ask her old friend about it sometime.
He joins into her giggle fit, thrilled that he was able to make her happy. He always wants to make her happy. Forever.
The laughter eventually fades, letting the two sit in the comfortable quiet of her room. Not long after though, she yawns and Caine instantly takes notice.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, dearest! I’m keeping you awake for such selfish reasons,” he says, hopping up off her bed and into the air. He doesn’t notice Pomni’s face fall. “I’m quite alright now and I don’t want to intrude, so don’t you worry your little head about me!”
Pomni looks down at her bedsheets, fidgeting at the stitches and trying not to show the twinge of disappointment on her face. She still wants to talk to him more about the nightmares and isn’t fully comfortable with him leaving. What if he has another nightmare?
There’s also the matter of…well, the kiss they shared and what it means for them going forward. But she’s also exhausted and just wants to sleep. The conflicting emotions were draining.
Caine tilts his head at her upon noticing the sudden shift of the room, lowering to the floor next to her and hooking his index finger under her chin to gently guide her face back up in a similar gesture she did to him before.
“What’s wrong, my darling?”
“Would…you like to stay here with me tonight? Just in case the nightmare comes back?” she asks timidly.
He stares at her with a blank, unreadable expression which only adds to her apprehension. Was that too forward? Did he think she was weird? Oh fuck, why did she ask that?? Humiliating embarrassment washes over her and she frantically scrambles in an attempt to fix the uncomfortable situation.
“F-forget it, nevermind, you’re probably busy and y-you’re right, we’ll talk more about things tomorrow and yeah, I need to sleep but don’t worry, I’m not going to abstra—mmmph!”
Caine abruptly cuts her off mid-sentence, crashing his face into hers with a kiss that left her feeling breathless. Her eyes flutter closed, grabbing the front of his suit in tight fists where they rest on his chest. One of his hands entangles itself into her hair while the other trails down her neck and over her shoulder, settling down at her hip to pull her closer. She whimpers softly, unraveling at the seams by this new, sweet, dreamy feeling.
This kiss wasn’t shy or timid like the one before. No, this was different. So very different. It was honest, passionate, and filled with unspoken words of gratitude he didn't know how to articulate.
He pulls away to let them both catch their breath, resting his head against hers. After a minute, he draws back to get a better look at her face, smiling at her like nothing could possibly damper his mood.
“I’d love nothing more than to stay here with you, my precious pomegranate.”
She snorts and rolls her eyes playfully at the ridiculous nickname and scoots back onto the bed, leaving plenty of space for him to join her. He switches off the light and after a few minutes of settling in, they both lay comfortably on their sides, facing each other. Caine was still beaming her like she hung up the moon in his starry night sky, making her blush bright pink.
“What is it?” she asks, laughing softly.
“Nothing,” he grins, chuckling lightly, “I’m incredibly happy is all, I assure you. But…um…I know you aren’t fond of physical contact but…,” he sheepishly opens his arms to her, “could I hold you? Just for a little while?”
She smiles at him, appreciating the fact he asked her first, and nods, scooting closer until she’s wrapped up tightly in his embrace. He was warm. Soft. Smelling faintly of mint, cotton candy, and clean linen.
She buries her face into his chest and yawns again, fatigue settling deep inside her digital bones from the emotional rollercoaster of his early morning visit.
“We’ll talk in the morning, right?”
“Of course, my sweet sugarcube,” he says, rubbing soothing circles into the small of her back, “For now, please rest.”
She nods weakly, her eyes growing heavy from the effort of staying awake. Before she loses the battle though, she kisses his chest, right over his non-existent heart.
“Goodnight, Caine.”
“Goodnight, Pomni.”
Her last thoughts are of him as she drifts off into blissful oblivion.
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Caine looks up at the canopy above her bed, listening to her quiet, rhythmic breaths while deep in thought.
"What is it?” she asks, her gorgeous, ethereal eyes shining at him as a sweet giggle escapes past her soft lips.
He ponders her question again as he holds her in his arms, rethinking his answer. He reflects back to what Kinger had explained to him about human relationships and what it entailed, including the names of various emotions involved. Feelings he never thought he’d ever feel on account of his lack of humanity.
"Just because you’re not human doesn’t mean you lack humanity, son. You’re still a person regardless.”
Maybe Kinger was right after all.
He pulls back to look at the perfect, beautiful woman in his arms. The flood of emotions inside him swell, threatening to burst forth all because he simply looked at her. Those feelings had to be real. They had to be. There was no other explanation. But…what could possibly describe what he was feeling?
Love.
That’s it. Kinger explained there were different kinds of love. Familial love and friendly love were the ones he felt for all of the humans in the Circus. But with her…it was different. He knows it is now. Not as a friend like Gangle, Zooble, or Ragatha. Not like a family member like he did Kinger.
He loves her like Kinger loved his Queenie.
He loves her.
No…
He was head over heels in love with her.
A powerful, fiery sensation thrums in his chest, tears pricking at his eyes from the sheer overwhelming emotions taking over his sensors at his epiphany. He felt more alive than ever before and it was all thanks to the magnificent human currently resting in his embrace.
Choking back tears, he finally speaks barely above a whisper, making sure to not disturb her.
“I never believed it was possible for me to love someone like this…I understand my fear now and why I can’t lose you…” he gently brushes her hair out of her peacefully sleeping face, and he leans forward, planting a tender kiss on her forehead.
“I love you.”