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It’s not that Spy didn’t trust his lover, this wasn’t about trust. No, this was about love. The Medic had told him that he loved him no matter the circumstance, and Spy really did not want to test that claim.
But he had to, because the spy was a transvestite and a woman at that.
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The Spy had never thought much of gender till a year or two back, it was after a conversation with the Demo man of their team that he had actually started to think about the topic. The Demo had made what was frankly an entirely innocent remark about how he would never want to be a woman, not because he didn’t like them— but because that simply wasn’t who he was. Spy had kept coming back to his words as the conversation carried on. He had always figured that everyone felt like being the opposite gender would be best, Even when he asked her other teammates about their feeling on a gender-swap (In the sneakiest way he could of course, he was a spy not an investigator for the local mail) and they all had the same thought, that they wouldn’t want to be a woman.
The Heavy was suitably straightforward in his answer; simply stating “Heavy likes being man, would not like being girl.”
The Scout seemed grossed out at the statement like a 3rd grader would to “Cooties” being mentioned. “What?! No dude I don’t wanna be a chick! I like chicks, I don’t wanna be one.” was all he said before dashing off to continue his run.
Soldier rambled something about how “NO GOD FEARING AMERICAN MAN WANTS TO BE A WOMAN MAGGOT! IF WOMAN WANTS TO BE A FIGHTING MAN THEN SO BE IT BUT I WOULD NEVER TURN INTO A SISSY!” By the end of the third sentence the American spoke, Spy had simply cloaked and left.
Engineer seemed uncharacteristically caught off guard, not even making eye constance with the Spy. “Well um… I’ve been down that road once, Spook. I don’t think I’d ever go back down it again.” Was the only answer he had gotten before getting ushered out of the workshop.
The Pyro being well, Pyro. Gave no reply that the Spy could understand but from vague hand-gestures and doodles he got the message that Pyro didn’t really think about Gender much at all. Which made sense for a person like them, Spy supposed. Seeing as he did not even know the pyro-technician's gender himself.
The Sniper had just looked him up and down before asking him a question in return. “You a lady? It’s alright if you are mate, but I ain’t never once met a bloke who asked me that and ended up completely straight. Just saying.” Spy nearly stabbed him over that. Did he really have the audacity to just look him dead in the eye and say that?! Apparently. Yes. All Spy could muster to do was cuss him out in his native language and storm out of the training room.
But Sniper’s response ended up being the most helpful somehow, because as the intelligence agent trudged back to his room his mind lingered on the thought, ‘Am I a woman?’. He knew that literally speaking he was not; no. He had all the organs of a male, all the status of a male, and he looked and acted the part too, But the spy had heard of a group called transvestites. People who changed their gender simply because it felt right to them, He had originally brushed them off as nothing more then a group of faggots but now he was wondering if they had a point.
By the time Spy had reached his room he felt like a mess, and that feeling carried on for months on months. Even during battles he was wondering if he actually was a woman, could someone like him be a girl? An old, rugged, rude, pretentious man like him? The more he thought about it the more it clicked. Truthfully he had never enjoyed being a man but he figured that was no other choice he could make, he didn’t see himself as a faggot or a pansy, or a damsel in distress. That’s not what a woman is though is it? ‘No’ he thought. His mind trailed back to the strongest woman he knew. Scout’s mother and his former lover; Darcie. A woman like her was strong, independent, confident, admirable and so many more things, Spy had even found himself being jealous of the woman for her skills. Darcie (And the many other women he has come to know in his 54 years of life) proved to Spy that a woman could be everything the Spy was, he could be himself gender switched or not,
However the question was; could he be even better as a woman? Could he be happier? Nicer? Less depressed? Even just imaging it, the spy figured that yes, yes he could and would be all of those things and more. He wouldn’t feel trapped in his own skin, or hollow at the roles society had put on him simply for being born a male. He could be a transvestite, but more than that he could be a happy woman
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Spy had taken 2 hours just to find the courage to tell Medic what she had learned about herself only a couple months ago. Even as she sneaked down the hall to the infirmity she felt her brain screaming at her to turn around and just live as a man publicly, but Spy is no coward. So she kept walking until she was met with her lover face to face.
"Ah, if it isn’t meine liebe!” The madman spoke as he stood up from his desk. “What brings you here so early? Feeling lonely on a Friday night?” Spy scoffed his comment off before sitting on the surgery table behind the medic. “Non, I have… Important news to share.” Medic perked up at that and fully turned to the frenchie. “Ooooo! Tell me more mein lieber Schatten!” He chirped, slightly easing Spy’s nerves. She shifted away from the man’s gaze before speaking.
“To metaphorically rip off the bandaid, Ludwig. I'm a woman, a transvestite.”
Silence, Silence was what followed and it was the most terrifying silence she had heard in her life. When she glanced up though, she saw no hatred on her lover’s face, nor despair, but wonder. Awe.
“Really?” Was single the answer Medic had given him and nothing more. Spy found herself sputtering before she could respond. “...Yes.” She wouldn’t back out now. “But I understand what that could mean for us… I know you would probably not wish to be with a faggot like me, but you need to know. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t tell you. So do what you will with this information, I know you're a good man but if you must let out any strong emotions now- feel free to yell at me, hit me, tell everyone you can. I know how people react to folks like me.” She spoke trying to sound as confident as possible, with her signature expressionless face.
The medic just ran up and grabbed her hands in his. “No, no, no! You got it all wrong meine liebe” He retorted with a pout. “If anything, well I think this makes me like you more!” The German shifted Spy’s hands up to his face as he continued, kissing both her palms. “Haha! I mean being able to tell me just like that is truly remarkable, and I’ve always wanted to perform a sex change operation! And don’t worry about me not being attracted to you anymore, I'm a ladies man too you know! Back at the uh… Camps… Well I knew a few transvestites there too. I have a good grasp on the concept and I hold no resentment towards it. So my dear- you have nothing to fear, I love you and I know I always will.”
Spy grabbed the Medic as tight as she could; as though she was clinging onto a mere dream. Medic wasn’t a dream though. He was a man, and a man who loved Spy at that. She would have sobbed had she still remembered how to. “Oh, mon médecin, tu es vraiment un homme parfait. Qu'ai-je jamais fait pour mériter ton amour?” Even though the German didn’t understand the words his beloved spoke, the few he did understand pleased him. “Say…” He started “Would you want me to make you a ‘proper’ woman? Biologically I mean. I could change whatever you want or keep whatever you want!” Spy chuckled “Of course the first thing you think of is some reckless medical procedure… but I'm not against the idea I suppose, could we simply enjoy each other's company before we talk about details though?” Medic enthusiastically nodded and dragged her over to the couch he kept in the closet that he had turned into a makeshift bedroom to continue their talk.
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“So… What do you want me to change? And what are you keeping about your lovely body?” Medic cooed while curled up to Spy’s side. She sat silent for a bit before answering. “Well…I suppose I would want breasts? Nothing overly large but nothing too small either… and I don’t want my shoulders made smaller, even if that would be more traditionally femmine… My face can stay the same, ah but estrogen changes that though doesn’t it? And I definitely want that. My hair really just needs to grow out and I need to get a hair cut, and NOT one of soldier’s hair cuts.” Medic giggled and jotted down some lines on his notepad.
“And what do you wanna do with your genitals? I can change them if you like.” Spy scoffed “Already thinking about that area, huh? But no one will be seeing that region anyway though, no? So I think I’ll keep it how it is.” Again the German laughed and wrote out more notes. “Well with all of that together I think with my skills I could get it done before the next battle! Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done something of this caliber.” As much as the Spy wanted to question him; she had learned her lesson about asking the doctor about his work a long time ago, he did not hold back on any details with his descriptions. “Sounds perfect ma colombe.”
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“So, how do you like it?” Medic giggled “I tried to find clothes that were up to your expensive tastes, I like to think you’ve taught me a thing or two about fashion though! I’ll leave the clothes here for when you’re ready.” Spy stared at herself in the mirror, wearing her undergarments.
“I…I look stunning!” She beamed, and it was true too, she looked beautiful.
Medic cackled and wrapped his arms around the woman’s waist. “Of course you are! I'm the greatest doctor to have roamed this earth- It’s no wonder that with a body like yours I could work wonders!” Spy didn’t even respond to the man, she was too wrapped up in her own figure.
It was going to be difficult from here on out, being a woman, coming out to her team, but she could do it. She knew she could, and she would have someone by her side the whole time.
Bonus Art :)
