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Megumi can't stop touching his scars.
No matter what he does or where he's at, he gets this urge to touch the scars on his face. They're a constant reminder of what's happened in his life—what he lost. Sometimes he thinks he deserves to be reminded. Sometimes he thinks things would've worked out if he had hadn't survived.
Yuuji doesn't let him spiral into those thoughts though.
"Stop that."
Megumi snaps out of his thoughts when he feels the gentle touch of his boyfriend's hands pushing his own away from his face. They lay in Megumi's bed, cuddled together as they watch some random movie on Yuuji's laptop. Megumi was hardly paying attention to movie at all when he started picking at the scars near his eyes. Yuuji noticed immediately when Megumi was barely responding to his jokes about the interesting choice of clothing on a character that was talking on the screen.
"Sorry," Megumi mumbles, burying his face into the crook of Yuuji's neck, embarrassed that he was caught. Yuuji responds with a soft press of his lips on Megumi's knuckles, a quiet reassurance that his apology wasn't necessary.
"They won't heal if you keep messing with them." Yuuji says gently, subtle worry in his voice.
"I know, it's just.." Megumi hesitates, sighing softly. "It feels like an itch that I can't stop scratching at."
Yuuji hums, tenderly brushing his fingers with Megumi's, a soothing gesture for them both. "I think I can help."
Megumi lifts his head to look up at Yuuji with a confused gaze. "You.. can?"
"Yeah." Yuuji answers, meeting Megumi's eyes with care.
"Okay." Megumi says, still a little confused at what his boyfriend means, but he's willing to hear him out right now because he's tired and wants to figure out how to stop his bad habit.
Megumi's eyes grow wide when Yuuji slowly leans down and kisses his face, right where his scars are. He stays in place, frozen with surprise. "I.. What was that?"
Yuuji smiles and leans back against the headboard of the bed, adjusting his body so Megumi rests more comfortably against Yuuji's side. "I'm kissing my boyfriend?"
Megumi huffs, rolling his eyes in amusement. "I know that, genius. I meant why did you do that?"
"Well, I figured that I could kiss the itchiness away." Yuuji says simply, like it's an every day fact. Megumi looks at him weirdly, and almost laughs at how serious it sounds, but he comes to realization that he isn't picking at his face anymore and instead feels the callousness of Yuuji's palms against his own. It's grounding, feeling the warmth Yuuji's hands hold despite how often they initiate physical touch.
"Huh. I guess you kind of did." Megumi murmurs, slightly amazed at the fact. Yuuji laughs quietly, pumping a fist up in victory at the success of his plan with a small 'Yes!' whispered underneath his breath.
Megumi shakes his head at the silliness his boyfriend displays, before he leans his head back onto Yuuji's shoulder. He watches the characters on the screen with a much better mood than he did earlier.
"The next time you feel like that, you tell me. Okay?" Yuuji asks softly, squeezing Megumi's hand gingerly.
"I will." Megumi says, turning his face to press a few light kisses onto Yuuji's shoulder. He smiles when he hears Yuuji giggle to himself at the gesture—as he always has when Megumi decides to do that.
True to his word, Megumi finds himself letting Yuuji know when he feels that uncomfortable urge settling under the scarred skin on his face. The first few times he was a little hesitant, finding moments when Yuuji wasn't particularly busy with anything before finally bringing up his growing discomfort that had been keeping him distracted practically all day.
He thought he was being subtle about it, coincidentally voicing his discomfort after a day out with their friends, or when Megumi knew Yuuji was more relaxed when they finished a strenuous mission together.
Unfortunately for Megumi, his boyfriend knows him like the back of his hand.
They spend the evening training, using different methods of defense and attacks to improve their stamina. Sweat covers their skin, feeling cool against the summer air as they continue on. Megumi slightly moves the muscles in his face when he feels that unpleasant sensation rising underneath his scars and he fights the need to touch them while he blocks an attack from Yuuji with his elbow.
The impulse grows stronger when he feels the sweat from his brow slide down to where the scars rest on his face and tries his best to wipe it away and not fall into the temptation of touching them.
Dodging one of Yuuji's punched with a swift turn, Megumi takes the opportunity to wipe his face, and he quickly realizes how much of a mistake that was. The itch under his skin feels like a flame, spreading further and it becomes much harder to ignore now.
Instinctively, he raises his fist to rub the rough patch of skin, hardly paying attention to the training he and Yuuji are doing anymore. All he can think about is the tingling sensation on his face and how badly he wants to keep scratching at the discolored skin near his eyes until the skin starts to bleed.
Suddenly, a pair of arms grab his waist and he's tackled to the ground with a soft thud, landing on his back. Megumi hisses with slight pain and looks up to see Yuuji pressed on top of him. Normally Yuuji would laugh and joke about how Megumi got too distracted by his good looks to concentrate, but right now Yuuji is looking at him silently, concern etched into his expression.
Megumi doesn't say anything, more so focusing on catching his breath after that rough tumble to the ground. Without even thinking, he prods at his face, finally having enough of this irritating feeling. It's annoying, it's bothersome, and it's—
"Whoa, hey— stop, stop." Yuuji coaxes, voice as quiet and patient as ever as he tries to pull Megumi's hands away from his face. They struggle for a couple of seconds before Megumi finally relents with a frustrated groan, allowing Yuuji to take hold of his hands again. The black-haired boy leans his head on the grass, avoiding his boyfriend's eyes with shame.
His skin burns with how hard he was rubbing and now Megumi feels like an idiot. Why is this so difficult for him? Why can't he just stop touching his scars? Why can't he just act normal and let his scars heal? Why does he want to cut that part of his skin off every time he sees them in the mirror?
A frown settles onto Megumi's face, and his eyes sting. He feels like he's going crazy, obsessing over something he couldn't control. Maybe that's the problem. Nothing was in his control when Tsumiki died, or when Gojo died. He was a puppet in his own body, being moved by strings that he should've been able to cut off the second they touched him. Megumi knew that he should've been stronger than that. He was supposed to be stronger than that.
Megumi sniffles and before he realizes it, tears slip down his cheeks.
He doesn't pay attention to the sudden weight on his chest lifting, or the way his hands are no longer being held. What finally does grab his attention is when he feels his tears being wiped away by those same gentle hands that make his heart skip a beat every single time.
"I'm right here, baby. " he hears Yuuji say. He says it with such understanding that Megumi doesn't know whether it makes him feel better of if he wants to cry more. A sob rips through his throat and then strong arms pull him into a hug. He smells the familiar scent of oranges on Yuuji's t-shirt, and finally he lets himself cry into his boyfriend's chest.
Yuuji rests his head on top of Megumi's, planting a kiss into his hair. He holds Megumi protectively, running a soothing hand up and down his spine as sobs shake the other boy's body. "It's okay." Yuuji whispers, not rushing to ask Megumi what's wrong.
Megumi's sure that Yuuji already knows what's wrong and won't say it until he tells Yuuji himself. That's always how Yuuji's been. He never puts pressure on anyone to speak if they don't want to and never forces them to open up until they're ready.
It takes a few minutes before Megumi's quiet sobs settle into soft sniffles. He pulls away from Yuuji's grasp, never letting him go. Yuuji picks up on what Megumi's doing, and slides his hands down Megumi's arms, squeezing them every couple of seconds for reassurance.
I'm not gonna let you go.
The pink-haired boy slowly lifts his hand, brushing a few strands of hair away from his boyfriend's face, eyebrows furrowing together in concern when he sees how red and inflamed the scars on Megumi's face look across his pale skin.
He doesn't say anything about it, choosing to kiss each wound carefully instead. Megumi lets out a shaky huff of laughter, feeling a fresh wave of tears welling up in his eyes and Yuuji pulls back quickly, panic swirling in his eyes. "Hey, hey.. Why are we crying again?"
Megumi shakes his head with a watery smile. "Because you're so sweet." he says, and Yuuji's expression softens immediately. The pink-haired boy pulls him into another hug, much more tighter than the last.
"Don't say that because then I'm gonna start crying with you." he says into Megumi's ear, eliciting another laugh from him. Yuuji's so sweet to Megumi it's almost unbelievable to him.
They both pull back and Yuuji lowers his head to get a glimpse of Megumi's eyes. "I thought I told you to let me know when your scars were bothering you. What happened?" he asks gently, not in an angry manner, but in a tone that Megumi knows for a fact is disappointment.
Megumi sighs, an uncomfortable weight setting on his chest. He reaches down, sliding his hand to intertwine with Yuuji's. He stares down at them, and then he speaks. "I don't know."
Yuuji hums, looking down with him. "You don't know? Or you don't wanna tell me?"
"A little bit of both, if I'm being honest." Megumi admits.
"Okay." Yuuji says with a nod. Then he adds, "Tell me what you do know. How it makes you feel."
Megumi bites his lip, taking his boyfriend's advice and thinking about how he feels. "Alright. Um.. It makes me feel frustrated."
"Mhm. What else?" Yuuji asks, rubbing his thumb against the inside of Megumi's wrist, feeling his pulse thrumming steadily.
"It makes me feel.. angry?" Megumi says, unsure.
"Why?"
Oh boy.
"It's.." Megumi sighs deeply. Of all things, he wasn't expecting to have this conversation on the grass of the training field. However, his life has been full of many surprises since he was a child so this really is a regular day for him at this point.
"It's many things." he starts. "I thought it wasn't a big deal at first, and that I could hold off on touching my face without having to bother you because of it. Now I realize that it wasn't just a bad habit."
Yuuji hums, listening intently to Megumi's words. He tilts his head, encouraging Megumi to continue his explanation.
"It's.. something that I hate about myself." Megumi says quietly. It feels slightly embarrassing to voice it out loud, but it's how he really feels.
The pink-haired boy frowns. "For the record, you never bother me. Besides.. I understand that feeling."
Megumi's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Yuuji? Hating something about himself? "You do?"
"Yeah. I remember after Shibuya, when Shoko healed my more severe injuries, she told me the cuts on my face wouldn't completely heal and they were going to scar over." Yuuji explains, looking to the side. "It made me so upset, you know? They were.. big and red. All ugly looking. Looking in the mirror felt like such a humiliation ritual that I would avoid looking at my reflection anywhere for a few weeks."
"..Why didn't you ever tell me you felt like that?" Megumi questions, voice low. Yuuji gives his a half-shrug.
"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling like this right now?"
A beat of silence passes through the both of them and Megumi frowns.
Well, shit. He got me there.
Megumi squeezes Yuuji's hand. "I'm sorry for not telling you how I really felt sooner."
Yuuji shakes his head. "You don't need to apologize for it. Like I said. I know what it's like to feel insecure about them. You only think of the reasons why you have them in the first place, but you never think about where you are after they heal."
Megumi doesn't respond, but he feels every word that Yuuji says sinking into his soul. He thinks about what he's fought against, and how he survived. He's breathing, dealing with hardships that nobody his age should be struggling with, but he's alive.
"You're right. Thank you, Yuu." Megumi says gratefully, kissing the corner of Yuuji's mouth where his own scar resides. Yuuji chuckles softly, a small flush of red appearing on his face.
"Such a sap." he teases.
"Oh, shut up."
Yuuji looks at the time on his phone and stretches slightly before standing up. He extends a hand towards Megumi, with an inviting smile. "Wanna grab some sushi on the way back to the dorms? We can watch that nature documentary you love tonight."
Megumi returns Yuuji's smile, letting him be pulled to his feet with ease. "Yeah."
They head out, talking about something more lighthearted while they walk. The sun dips in the sky, casting a beautiful display of orange and pink colors that feel tender.
Megumi doesn't hesitate to let Yuuji kiss his discomfort away after that.