Archive of Our Own

The last thing Gem saw was the moon. It wasn’t the right moon, but it was a moon. The real moon.

Actually, it wasn’t even the moon itself. It was the reflection of the moon. In a puddle. At the bottom of the pit she was falling face first into.

She didn’t slip and fall in, she knew that. She was pushed. But all she could feel was the razor wind cutting her already numb cheeks.

She was crying. And she didn’t care. Teardrops rising out of the corners of her eyes and freezing like stars in the air.

She didn't care.

Because she was falling into the moon. Even if it wasn’t the right moon.

Even if it wasn’t her moon.

When she finally hit the ground her glasses shattered. If she was anyone normal, the impact would have killed her instantly. She didn’t fall into dripstone, she didn’t even land in the reflection of the moon.

She hit hard, cold, cracked stone. 

It should have killed her instantly.

Reflecting a sick fantasy she's played with too much in the past, she wished it did.

But no. She’s a stupid worldhopper. She’s a stupid indestructible worldhopper.

Always avoiding that last killing blow just in time to escape to the next world, always running to the next slab of earth to recover, then get punched down, nearly die, and do it all over again.

She was a coward by nature.

And she’s suddenly not in Past Life anymore, she’s not at the bottom of the pit she dug herself, and she’s not falling.

Worst of all, she’s not dead.

-

Rather than cold stone. Her face was now pressed against rough wooden floor boards, that she immediately recognised as the ones from her own home. Splinters digging into her cheeks as the scent of dampness and salt assaulted her nose.

She was back on Hermitcraft. Back from that horrible, never ending battle dome.

Gem sighed a broken sigh of relief. She knew she was back in safety, but the blood rushing in her mind refused to let up. Her arms were sore, but refused to stop tensing. Her shoulders and back cracked every time she moved, sending jolts of agony throughout her body in throbbing waves.

When the worldhopper properly came to her senses, and recalled whatever memories of hers had escaped the Watchers greedy claws. Memories came back to her little by little, first sensations, then sounds, then colours, then forms and then bodies. 

She remembered blood and surprisingly not a lot of screaming. Diamond shrieking against diamond before sinking into soft flesh. Feathers flying everywhere, some tri-coloured, some golden. One for friend, one for enemy. 

She clenched her fists tight, digging her sharpened nails into her palms till it hurt. If it were another day she might have pierced her own skin till she bled, but her own self inflicted pain was combatted by the fact that everywhere else on her body was also in pain. 

Instead she let out an aching groan. The sound pairing oddly with the backtrack of waves crashing and seagulls squawking just outside.

As Gem laid face down on her flooring, she contemplated being guilty for the people she fought against.

Martyn… He got far, maybe I hurt him badly at the end, do I even want to win a Life Series that bad? He has been through a lot this season- He was alive when I- Grian… Grian, deserves… whatever I dealt to him. No- h-he deserves worse…

The worldhopper dropped her forehead to the floorboards.

Scott… Did I even get close to Scott in that fight? Or this season at all? I suppose he was the last of his team, but he’s like Martyn, he's been in a final fight multiple times, he would be prepared.

Jimmy though-

She did not feel bad for Jimmy.

He had always gone out first, but this time, he got far. Very far. Top five at least. But not the top three.

Thanks to Gem of course.

Poor little Jimmy, always dying first. Gem never saw a season where he was out first, ironically. But if she was sure of anything during that final fight, that final session, she wouldn't see one where he won either.

She didn’t feel guilty at all. Not even a little bit.  

An eye for an eye.

It was comforting to be back in her base. The little home she built with her own two hands. It wasn’t the first thing she built this season, that would be the little tug boat that was certainly bobbing just outside. However, no matter how much she loved her life at sea, some days she just needed to lay down the anker of her little tug boat, and rest on solid ground. And today was certainly one of those days.

Every muscle in her body ached, when she winced in pain she could feel warm sweat, or maybe blood, rolling down her forehead. She could feel the familiar excruciating pain of her worldhopper powers regenerating any life threatening injuries. Particularly on her leg.

Her brain was fogged up, her ears ringing. She felt like she was going to throw up from heat and left over adrenaline. But no matter how sick and weak she felt, the cool wooden floor she rested her head against helped more than she would have thought to ground her.

When she finally came to her senses enough to think somewhat clearly, she attempted to move and look around her living room. Her muscles ached and screamed as she lifted her head to take in her home. 

The teal blue carpet in the shape of a fish in the center of her floor. (Of course she had to land on the wooden planks instead of the soft carpet, because that is just her luck). Then she turned to the other side of her base. She saw the stairs leading to the second floor and descending into her storage system. She remembered Pearl's joyful expression and when she saw the room she built. Just remembering the way that when she talked her smile seeped into her voice made Gem’s gut warm ever so slightly.

She remembered how empty the same, once full of life woman’s eyes looked the morning that Gem found her dead in that cold, empty, forest. And suddenly such a sweet, lovely feeling was washed away by grief and pain and anger.

Her jaw clenched by reflex and her teeth hurt from the pressure.

Gem looked into the center of the room she was laying in, a counter with an armor stand next to it. Behind the armor stand, she couldn't see it, but she knew that a small little picture frame lay on the counter. She remembered how Pearl came over and teased her when she saw it for the first time. The way she snuck her way behind Gem, wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her chin between the antlers on the shorter woman’s head. 

She was so careless, so effortless with it. As if it was normal. Because why wouldn't it be? I made Gem’s mind dip into too many dangerous thoughts…

The worldhopper recalled how years ago, when she held the heavy, self inflicted crown of royalty upon her head. Building a kingdom from the ground up, in a futile attempt to find what she lost.

With the same faces, but different minds living alongside her, she could almost trick herself into believing that she was back in the Crystal Cliffs. She loved Dawn with her whole heart, she truly did, she loved standing for something and she loved when she didn't need a weapon on her at all times. 

But even still. In Dawn, Fwhip was not her brother, Sausage was not the kind man she saved from the demon Xornoth, Pearl was not the sweet and noble farmer she was when she was the queen of the Gilded Helianthia.

In Dawn, Pearl was dead.

Gem remembered walking through the halls of Sanctuary during diplomatic trips in the small hours of the morning, long before the sun had risen. The few times where she allowed herself to see the night sky. 

What a self inflicted torture it was to never see the moon.

Why? Why did I ever choose this? Was what she found herself thinking on the several occasions when she was knelt down in front of various statues of the goddess of the farmlands. The one remaining handprint of her best friend on the world that they both called home forever ago.

In the eyes of the people, Gem had long ago turned away from the great Santa Perla, and instead began to worship the sun itself.

If they really knew… She would become the most damned princess in the whole world.

But she didn't care much, really. Not when the statues of the goddess looked so similar, so lifelike, so reminiscent of her friend. Things were wrong of course, the different statues all had their imperfections. Some had just barely different facial features, some had the wrong physique, wrong height, wrong curls of her hair. But through her vision clouded with tears, it was enough to trick her into worship.

She would drink in the curves and organic shapes of the replicant of her dead lover with her eyes in the dead of night. Holy moonlight washing over her, she looked up upon the statue of the goddess as if she would magically come to life. Gem wished, prayed for the first time in her life that the stone woman would simply wake up from her sleep and run her rough, calloused hands along her cheeks like she once did. Hold her, touch her, love her as if it was one-thousand years ago.

Gem knows what Pearl's love feels like. She told herself that she would never forget, but void and loneliness has done a number on her heart. She could hardly remember what it was like when she had love every day.

That was until Past Life came around. Ironically enough, in the world where all love and bonds all turn to ashes, Pearl returned her feelings. 

The two had always had their differences during the Life Series, but so did everyone else. Pearl's betrayal at the end of Secret Life felt even more like ancient history than her meaningless nights at the statue, especially in comparison to what they had in Past Life.

Running up the spiral staircase of their little lighthouse in the dead of night, hand in hand, laughing like girls again. Kisses on their twin bed, lit by torches and moonlight while their silly teammate probably got himself into too much trouble elsewhere. Counting stars while whispering jokes in each other's ears or just sitting in silence.

Guilt ripped at her soul. Etho was right. I threw her away. I never wanted to make her feel like I was using her, did she really feel that way. She hopes that Pearl doesn’t… Didn’t think that she'd been using her. That is the last thing she wanted. She knew that Grian betrayed her, she knew that Pearl died and it was all her fault, she knew that stupid Etho was probably right too, and she doesn't know what to do anymore.

So now, she sits on her floor. Plagued by memories of times better or worse than now. The statue's hands were not rough, the stone was smoothed and perfect, and so not like Pearl at all. And she never woke up either. And the Pearl that lived on Hermitcraft seemingly did not feel the same as she did. Gem was used to it. From the moment Gem saw Pearl again in season 8, she knew Pearl wouldn't feel the same, and probably never would feel the same.

And that was okay.

-

Gem had gotten good at the transition between the Life Series and Hermitcraft. At least, she thought she had. She remembered the burning pain in her back and chest and the tears pouring down her cheeks when she came back from Secret Life. She remembered choking on her own blood for a few terrifying moments after coming back from Wild Life, and how she wanted to scream at how unfair it was that she died so stupidly when she was so close to everything she ever wanted.

Neither time she ran to Pearl for comfort. Hell, she would have still been stuck in those death games anyway, albeit if only for ten more minutes than Gem. But she still didn't, and that was worth something. In Secret Life, whatever love they had then was tarnished in Gem's mind from betrayals and the desperation for survival. And from Wild Life, though they reconciled their differences at the end, neither Gem nor Pearl talked much about their disputes in the series afterwards.

Gem supposed it made sense. In a way, what happens in the Life Series, stays in the life series. All the players seemed to agree that because of the nature of the games people often were forced to make decisions that they would never, ever make if given a choice. And thus, all the murders, betrayals, cons, alliances, and one-night-stands turned into several, were kept to the little battle dome that all the eighteen players were forced to call home for two months.

But still, Gem couldn't help but fantasize about the look in Pearl's eyes that always seemed to appear when they were alone together in the games.

The red haired woman sighed and shook herself, attempting to rid herself of whatever thoughts she was having about her friend. Friend, just a friend. 

It didn't work. She was still thinking about Pearl. She was always thinking about Pearl. It was quite annoying, actually.

She huffed, rolling over onto her back, ignoring the pinpricks, daggers, and blunt force objects hitting at every part of her body as she moved. 

Instead of just staring into space and thinking about Pearl, she was now observing more of the house she's spent the last two years living in… while still kind of thinking about Pearl. As if she doesn't know the place like the back of her hand.

Whatever it took to get her heart to stop hammering in her chest.

She sat up further as the bombs that were exploding in her stomach finally began to subside. Facing her chocolate coloured spruce front door, she dreaded eventually having to face the outside world that lay just beyond. Through glass panes, Gem saw that the sky was painted orange from a sun she knew would be just below the horizon. However the worldhopper was unsure whether it was dawn or dusk that was changing the colour of the clouds. 

The window let in the seaside breeze into the warm home. Gem savored it on her aching… everything. Her head turned to the wall beside the door, a picture frame of her and the dads, her hatstand by the door with just one hat resting on it, a skeleton of a fish hung on her wall- wait… she didn't have a hat… She looked at the hat closely for a moment, but it only took a second for her to recognize it. A white and black postmaster's hat with a golden coloured plate engraved with some kind of writing.

Gem didn’t even need to read it to know what it said. P.E.T POSTAL, POST MASTER PEARLO.

Oh.

“Gem?”

The worldhopper froze in her tracks. Her heart stopped beating, and her breath was stolen from her lungs. She didn't even need to turn around to know who it was.

“Gem!” The perfect amount of weight suddenly wrapped itself around the small woman’s shoulders, as familiar scents of vanilla, cinnamon and milk chocolate washed over her nose.

Suddenly desperation ignited in her soul. Her muscles and bones seemed to cry in pain as she turned to meet the taller woman who had just bombarded her with affection, but she didn't care.

She didn't care because Pearl was there. Actually there. In front of her. For real this time. Gem felt herself involuntarily choke up, tears welling in her eyes. She couldn't help it. Pearl was here, in her arms, again. Well, maybe Gem was in Pearl's arms, but it didn't really matter, because Pearl was real and here and touching Gem right now. And Gem could smell her perfume and feel her calloused hands on her cheeks wiping away her tears and look into her beautiful blue eyes.

And she's perfect, divine, alive and exactly as Pearl as she was when she last saw her. And she's saying something that Gem can barely hear, because her tears have clouded her vision and Pearl’s hands that held her head were half covering her ears.

The words her friend was saying were unfortunately falling on deaf ears, as the tone of her voice and the way Gem's name sounded drenched in her accent had the same effect on her as if she was hearing music for the first time in years.

“Gem? Gem, please, are you okay?” Her voice is shaking. Gem felt so powerless to Pearl's worry, her stomach flipping as her hands pathetically moved across her friend’s waist and gripped the fabric of her shirt, knuckles snow white.

“I… I.” She swallowed thickly. “-I missed your voice…” Gem answered the only way she knows how to at this moment. Honestly.

“W-what?” Pearl seems taken aback by the sudden confession. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say yet?

Pearl looks awfully dishevelled. She had bags under her eyes, and her hair was unkempt. The top button of her postal uniform was unbuttoned and her collar was unevenly ruffled. Gem couldn't figure out why Pearl was such a mess. 

The taller brunette cleared her throat, and kept herself locked in eye contact.

“I missed your voice too?” Pearl said, her voice cracking, but a smile appearing on her face. “God, that sounded really awkward. I mean it sincerely. I promise!”

Gem giggled, tears now properly rolling down her cheeks.

“I know, don't worry.” She couldn't help how fond her voice was. God, Pearl was amazing. So sweet and kind and silly. Seeing her cry like this made her stomach writhe, even if the rational part of her brain could tell by now that her tears were that of relief.

“Gem? Are you okay? What happened?” Pearl moved herself closer to Gem, so close the ginger haired woman could feel her breath on her cheeks. So impossibly close. “You're bleeding! Here, I'll-”

Pearl moved to get up, but panic flared in Gem's chest. The ginger haired woman grabbed her friend's arm, and held on for dear life, begging for comfort. 

“No! Please! Don't, n-not yet! I still need you here…”

Pearl’s face shifted into worry and then understanding as she moved back to her spot next to Gem on the floor. The panic that had just skyrocketed in Gem's body had begun to wash away again as she further savored their physical contact.

Pearl repeated her question about what happened at the end of Past Life in a quieter tone, as if she was trying to not to spook Gem into panic.

Gem didn't respond immediately, she hoped Pearl believed it was because she was having trouble thinking of what to say, rather than the reality of the situation being that she was just too enamored by how close their faces were.

“I-I…” Gem didn’t want to think about her last day in Past Life, she really didn't. It was horrible. Lonely, cold and filled with pain. But, she knew one thing she was proud of.

“I killed him.”

“Huh? Who?”

“Don't you remember?” Gem asked.

“Uh, probably not…” Pearl laughed quietly, eyes shifting from side to side as she chuckled.

“Jimmy.” Gem said, flatly. Her voice, still raw from the bloody session before itching her throat as she spoke. She briefly recalled the start of the season where she had lost her voice and how Grian and Pearl would tease her about it but then help her after the session by making her soup and wrapping her in blankets that felt almost as warm. “I killed Jimmy. For you.”

“I- huh? Jim- oh. Wait? What, why?”

“Because he killed you! What do you mean “why?””

“I just… wasn't expecting you to want too is all…” Pearl’s voice was sheepish, her left hand balled into a loose fist on her thigh, her other hand fiddling with the pale sleeve of her uniform.

“What? Pearl! He took you away from me!” The worldhopper felt her voice raise slightly in desperation, her grip tightened as she felt the muscles in her thighs strain with exhaustion. She winced at the sudden jolt of pain.

Pearl seemed taken aback by her aggression, blinking a couple times in confusion before she opened her mouth to say something, but the words never came.

“I missed you.” Gem had to break the silence. Pearl chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

“You kinda already said that.” She raised an eyebrow as she spoke, but a fond smile was still on her face.

“No, I said I missed your voice. It would be highly inaccurate to say that I only missed your voice.” Gem said. “So I’m telling you that I missed all of you. Just so you’re clear on that”

“Well… I could have guessed.”

“What does that mean?” Gem giggled.

“Well with the way you jumped on me-”

“Excuse me? You jumped on me, missy!” The worldhopper's heart swelled with fondness despite her sassy remarks and expression. God, she missed their stupid banter like this so much. 

“By that logic, does that mean you already know that I missed you?” The taller woman playfully tapped her pointer finger on Gem’s nose, then cupped her cheek with her right hand.

“You literally just came up with that logic now, just so you’re aware.” Gem attempted not to completely fold into Pearl’s touch, to no avail. And for punishment, she was made to watch the way the brunette’s face moulded into that of a teasing expression.

“Meh meh meh meme.” Gem rolled her eyes at Pearl's mockery, the smile on her face betraying her.

“Ugh, out of everything you remember from Past Life!” Gem groaned. “You weren’t even there!”

Pearl laughed, her voice so silky smooth and perfect. Gem couldn't help the blush on her face, she just wished that the other woman thought that her rosy cheeks were born from embarrassment.

She wasn’t hopeful though.

“Word gets around…”

 Gem simply hummed in agreement.

Silence fell between the two. It wasn’t awkward. It was pleasant and refreshing as an odd cool day in the heat of summer. Gem felt herself lean into Pearl’s body more, resting her head on the taller woman’s chest. She relished the sound of her heartbeat, the feeling of her chest rising and falling and the warmth that left her body as it sank into Gem’s bones.

“What else do you remember?” Gem asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She knew what she hoped Pearl remembered, not that it even mattered if she did. What happens in the Life Series, stays in the Life Series.

Pearl stayed quiet for a moment longer after Gem asked, clearly contemplating what she could and couldn't remember. The further you place in the Life Series, the more memories you manage to escape with. And Pearl placed… very, very low this time. Meaning that her memory was likely quite fogged and patchy.

“I remember… you.”

Gem closed her eyes and breathed out through her nose. Here we go…

“We were allies right? Me, you and… Grian?”

“Yes, you’re correct.” Gem didn’t want to think about Grian right now. She didn’t want to ruin the good memories she had of him with the bitter truth of the finale.

She didn’t want what happened to Scar to happen to her.

And she definitely didn’t want to look back on her memories of Past Life with the same bitterness that she does with her memories of Secret Life. Especially not while she’s here, wrapped up in Pearl’s arms, where nothing can hurt her.

“The… M-Millies?” Gem was abruptly shaken from her thoughts. She let out a bark of laughter at Pearl’s terrible guess at their team name.

“No, no, no, Pearl! The Villys! We were the Villys.” Gem laughed.

“Right! Right, the Villys- the Villains. Why did we want to be the villains again?”

Gem shrugged.

“I donno, ask Grian he’s the one who wanted to be. I didn’t really care what we were called…” 

A heart beat passed while Gem wrung her hands together.

“-As long as I was with you…” The worldhopper added quietly.

She could have sworn she heard Pearl’s heart start beating faster.

“U-uh, right! Um… we lived in a… rocket?”

“A lighthouse.”

“Right! It was ugly as sin!” Pearl said.

“It really was.” Gem agreed. She knew she was going to miss their lighthouse.

“You both said it was good! I thought I was going crazy!”

“Sometimes I thought it genuinely was! Especially with those leaves we added at the end.” On the day you died.

“Eh, the parts on the inside you did were nice I suppose.”

“Were they actually nice or did you just think they were nice because I made them?” Gem jabbed. “You know, because I'm your favorite, and all.”

“If I thought it was nice just because it was yours, then I would have thought that fifty percent of the damn thing was nice, which just isn’t true.” Pearl scoffed.

“Wow, going for the throat are we? I like it.” Gem said teasingly, gently nudging her elbow at Pearl’s chest. 

“Do you really like it or do you just like it because it's me saying it?” She didn’t even need to see Pearl’s face to know that she was grinning.

“Oh, you think you’re very clever for that, don’t you?”

“I am very clever.” Pearl said, smugly

Gem rolled her eyes before speaking again.

“Well, you see. The difference between us is that I do genuinely just like a lot of things because they’re yours.”

“Jees, and you say I’m the obsessed one?”

“Shut it.”

“Nope!”

Gem sighed affectionately.

“What else do you remember?” She asked after a handful of Pearl’s heartbeats.

Pearl hummed while thinking. Gem noted how cute it was every time.

“I remember… really bad singing.”

“You seem annoyed even now.”

“I am.” The brunette said plainly. Gem chuckled. “And people calling me emo.”

“You were emo. That’s why.”

“Not on purpose! I just woke up in that outfit!”

“Yes, and stayed in it for two whole sessions willingly. And not to mention you leaned into it!” Gem argued. “Admit it, you liked the aesthetic."

“I didn’t really like the aesthetic but I did like the compliments wearing a tank top got me! I’m not even that muscular, honestly. I think people were just saying that.” Oh, I promise you they were not ‘just saying’ that. Gem felt her face get hotter just at the memory.

“I am going to miss that view…” Gem sighed. She was only half joking… or maybe a quarter joking. But Pearl didn’t need to know that.

“Gem!” Pearl laughed. “It’s not like my arms just become noodles on Hermitcraft you know that right? That was just how I look normally, just in a different shirt.”

Gem moved from her place hidden at Pearl’s chest to better look into her eyes to see if she was joking or not.

“Really?”

Pearl laughed again at Gem’s clear excitement. She was definitely just playing it up for the bit though. Definitely.

Pearl hummed in amusement, and once again her expression became teasing.

“If you’d like… I could put on something without sleeves sometime again for you.” For me? For me? God, I am delusional. “Just to… you know, prove you wrong, of course.”

“Of course. You definitely don’t just want to show me how big and strong you are.”

“Definitely!” Pearl grinned innocently. Her cheeks were totally not red though, right? It was just the lighting. Just the lighting. 

Just then Gem got an idea.

“You know Pearl, back at the start, I should have gotten Gem and the Scotts back together just for fun.’

“And why do you say that?” Pearl raised an eyebrow.

“Eh, I don’t know. You heard about the Half-American Rejects? Biggest new band in the Life Series. Gotta make sure Gem and the Scotts keep the crown right?”

“I suppose so, but don’t worry, Gem and the Scotts will always be the superior band.” Gem knew Pearl was aware that it was some kind of set up, but she humored the shorter woman anyway. “But why do I feel like this is a-”

“Yeah we could have all done a cover together. I could have dedicated it to you!”

“Aww, wait really?” 

“Yeah, I just thought of the perfect song, too!” Gem had to keep herself from grinning, it was a horrible joke. “You know… I fell in love with an emo girl? That one?”

“Oh my God! Gemmm.” The brunette groaned upon hearing the dumb joke.

Gem burst out into laughter.

“That was the most elaborate set up ever! Why?” 

“Do you like the idea?”

“No, I do not like the idea!”

“Why not? I feel like it's very fitting for us-”

Gem paused for a second. I fell in love with an emo girl? Did I just accidentally? Uh…

Gem didn’t just confess to Pearl, did she? Not really, right? That doesn’t count. They make jokes like that all the time, Pearl wouldn't actually believe that she was being sincere.

Right? 

“If you say so…” Pearl’s cheeks were undoubtedly redder. It wasn’t just the lighting.

Gem laughed awkwardly, before moving back to rest her head on Pearl’s chest again. They fell back into silence once more.

Pearl moved the hand that was on Gem’s face to her back and rubbed calming circles into the black cloak that draped itself over Gem’s back. Her other hand moved to find the messy braid that Gem tied in her hair at the start of the session. The taller woman took the tuft of Gem’s hair that stuck out at the end of her braid and absently played with it between her fingers.

It was soothing, warm, peaceful in a way that nothing in the Life Series could ever dream of being. Nothing other than Pearl herself of course. 

Gem sighed in relief as a weight was lifted off of her shoulders.

She wanted to tell Pearl everything. It took so much for her not to. In this moment, the worldhopper could feel every brick in the wall she had meticulously built for years to save herself from the pain of losing love again, turning to dust in the presence of the person she would kill herself to protect.

“I-I remembered one more thing…” Pearl whispered. “I don’t like it though.”

Gem nodded in acknowledgement.

“I remember dying.” She said it carefully, like she didn’t want to remember. Gem didn’t want to remember either. “I remember him killing me, like you said. I remember being alone. And scared-” 

“I’m sorry.” Gem cut in, voice quiet and broken. It was almost physically painful to her. An arrow stuck right through Pearl’s throat, her eyes open wide, frozen in fear forever. “I’m sorry.”

“Why? Why are you apologizing?” Pearl seemed confused. And worried.

“Because I sent you off to your death! I threw you away!” Gem cried, muffled against Pearl’s shoulder. How selfish was she? She was the reason Pearl was killed and now here she is hiding like a coward in her embrace.

“What? No! No, you didn’t throw me away!” Pearl moved Gem by her shoulders to look her in the eyes properly, her brow was creased with worry. Gem felt hot tears welling in her eyes again as she met the taller woman’s gaze.

“I did, I was so excited that you were red, I didn’t even consider how much danger you were in! Before you left us in that stupid, mob infested forest I knew! I knew it would be the last time I saw you deep down, but I buried it because you are Pearl! You are Pearl and you’re so much better than me in everything you do because you’re perfect! You had it handled because of how amazing you are and good you are! There was no way I could lose you so easily, right?”

“When I saw that lighting flash a part of me died! How could I have been so stupid to throw away my best friend!” The love of my life. She wanted to say it. The words clawed at her throat- a beast wanting to be free of its cage. She wanted to say it so badly, but she didn’t.

“You are more than a cannon Pearl, you are so much more than that!” Gem pleaded. Tears were rolling down her face now properly. Her throat was scratched from so much shouting. “If Etho was right… If me and Grian treated you like a tool to use, I am so, so sorry. That was never what I wanted, it was never what either of us intended!”

“Gem, please-” Pearl started, but Gem interrupted. Her heart pounded in her chest, her cheeks burned hot with tears. The aching in her chest made her desperate in a way no physical wound ever could.

“I was just so excited. I was excited that we could be red again like before in Secret Life when nothing mattered and I could afford to be stupid and in love!”

It was a confession to the highest degree, but now was no time for walls and buried emotions. Gem felt she might die if she was forced to keep this all in for any longer. It was on the tip of her tongue. It was so simple. But still she didn’t say it all. Not yet.

The worldhopper was crying, panting, attempting to catch her breath. Now Pearl was properly holding her face, wiping away her tears with her hands. Whispering reassurance to her distressed friend. Pearl had pressed her forehead to Gem’s in an attempt to comfort her, and the copper haired woman hated how even in her fear and all her uncertainty, her friend could make sure that she was getting butterflies like a school girl.

“Hey, hey, hey… it's alright. You’re alright. I promise.” It was wondrous just how good at calming her Pearl was. Gem took three deep breaths, recalling the same exact things she told Pearl all the way back when her friend had just returned from Double Life, before Gem was even a part of the Life Series herself.

“I never felt like you were using me, Gem…” Pearl reassured.

“But I-”

“It is not your fault that I died like a stupid idiot, okay?”

“You’re not a stupid idiot.” Gem’s voice was fragile, her lips quivering as she tried to swallow the choking feeling in her throat.

“Have you met me? Of course I am. I died because of a miscommunication, Gem.”

“I could have communicated better…” 

“Yeah, we always say that after the fact, now don’t we? Hindsight is 20-20, or whatever. It's the past, Gem. We can’t do anything about the past.”

“But what about before, Etho said-”

“Etho’s wrong.” Pearl said forcefully. “Whatever Etho said was wrong. I never felt used by you.”

“But, we were so mean to you?” Gem questioned, tilting her head 45 degrees. Pearl squinted and thought about it for a second.

“Were you? I don’t feel like you were?”

“But you can’t remember well, so I could have been horrible to you and you’ll never know!”

“Gem. Feelings remember? Memories are what the Watchers take away from us. Not feelings. I wouldn't remember a specific moment in which you were mean to me, but I would remember how I felt overall.” Pearl explained. Gem already knew all of this, but hearing Pearl assure her again was greatly needed. “And I don’t remember feeling used or made fun of. Not by you or Grian.”

“-And besides you think I've been friends with you all and I can't handle some teasing? Yeah, maybe there was a bit more than usual but… I've been through worse.”

“You- you’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” Pearl gave her a comforting smile, before moving to kiss the worldhoppers forehead.

It almost killed her. Her heart was beating fast again and she was so sick of her heart beating fast.

“Pearl?”

“Yes?”

It was so easy. It was so easy. All it would take was one more breath and the words would slip away with it.

Three little words. Eight little letters. I love you. I love you. I love you.

She didn’t say it. She held her breath until she couldn't anymore and released it through her nose instead.

“Nevermind.” It's always nevermind.

Everytime she gets close, it’s always “nevermind”.

She hates that word so much.

Pearl’s voice sounds better than music. She smells better than spring itself and all the flowers that will ever bloom. She’s prettier than everything good in this world, and every other world, Gem would know from experience.

She’s more divine than all the gods combined. And Gem is just an insignificant sinner.

She is beauty and love itself. But Gem cannot allow herself to feel love. She cannot afford to feel love again. Not when for her, an interdimensional being, it comes so easily and leaves easier.

So she feels desire instead. So she yearns instead. She hurts instead.

She changes the subject. She makes dumb jokes or sarcastic quips. She sparingly throws compliments in case her praise gives away too much about her wants. 

She throws herself into a never ending war without any hesitation because the monsters there made her Pearl cry.

And then when she fails to save her friends once again, she moves on to the next world, never to return the same. And she hates it.

She can’t remember the time when she could love Pearl freely because it had long since been buried under corpses upon corpses, all of the same person she would die to protect. Her life is a curse and this paradise is temporary, but her love is anything but.

“Alright… Gem, this is a stupid question, I know the answer, but… are you okay?”

“I-I’m… I'm not. No.” Gem felt her voice cracking. Her voice would certainly be dead the next morning. Pearl looked at her, gazing deep into her eyes. 

She had a look of understanding. Gem remembered all the way back when Pearl had just gotten back from Double Life. 

She was a mess.

She couldn't look at Cleo seething or shaking, she looked guilty every time she spoke with Impulse or Bdubs, she always hung around Gem and never wanted to talk about anything that happened in the series to anyone.

When she had just gotten back from talking to Xisuma and re-telling all the events of Double Life to him for him to catalog, she broke down almost more than she did the day she actually returned.

Gem, of course, was there beside her all throughout. And not once did she stop being there for her best friend.

As the only person who Pearl felt comfortable enough to confide in, Gem might be the one other person on Hermitcraft who knows the most about how the “Scarlet Witch” really felt in Double Life.

And Gem knew for certain that the only other person in the multiverse who knew her better than everyone else, was Pearl. It could only ever be Pearl.

Unfortunately that meant that she could see through her like she was made of glass. Pearl was the only person who knew just how messy Gem really was. A truth that Gem had very… mixed feelings about.

“Look, Gem… I gotta get up and get you some bandages, wipes, and food, and all sorts alright?” Pearl said, the taller woman moved her arms from her soothing motions on Gem’s back, to firmly on both her shoulders. The brunette’s gaze was intense, but Gem could see all her little tells that point to one thing. She’s relieved.

She loves me.

Gem felt herself melt. Melt and die. Her gaze falling dangerously low on Pearl’s face, tracing her cheekbones, jawline, nose, then resting on her lips.

“Gem? Is that alright?”

“I uh- yes.”

She was looking at Pearl’s lips. 

“Okay.” Pearl nodded, then she got ready to stand up and gather what she needed. Well… maybe what Gem needed. However, not before she planted a second kiss on Gem's forehead. Gem felt the same panicked feeling spark in her stomach once again at Pearl’s brief departure.

The taller woman looked down at Gem with a much too fond smile for Gem’s emotional wellbeing. Suddenly her panic quelled, like a fire that had been extinguished by cool water, or the feeling of stepping into the sea after walking on a boiling hot beach.

Gem still kept a hold on Pearl’s hand until the very last possible moment, until her fingers slipped from between her own like water.

Stupidly enough, the worldhopper missed Pearl even for the three minutes she was gone. Today, Gem felt as if every emotion she had ever had for Pearl got amplified by ten full, and now everything just felt like noise.

It was lovely noise, for the most part.

But a lot of noise.

Even more stupidly, Gem could actually see Pearl working, gathering supplies from her kitchen, looking in drawers and cupboards for medical supplies or potions to use… and she still missed her! Yeah, that's coming with me to the grave.

When Pearl came back to Gem, it took much more effort than she would ever care to admit not to immediately fall back into the little crook between Pearl’s shoulder, neck and collarbone, and stay there until the sun burned out.

But no, she stayed strong. She didn’t go back to just cuddling her friend, she sat still and waited for Pearl to tend to whatever wounds Gem may be suffering from.

“Leg.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your leg, it’s injured, let me see it.”

Gem did as told, and moved her leg to a better angle for Pearl to work. Like Pearl said, her leg was in fact injured, it was actually quite gruesome. 

The wound itself was significantly smaller than whatever shape it was in before her worldhopper nature took care of it.

What looked to be the remnant of a large almost circular jagged puncture wound right in her middle thigh. Her leg was covered in blood, but the wound itself had been reduced to simply a small laceration. It still hurt, but wasn’t even close to life threatening like it would have been for a regular player.

“Jees…” Pearl sighed, before getting to work on making sure the injury was clean. “Does this hurt?”

“What? the cut or what you’re doing?”

“What I’m doing, I think I could have figured out that the cut would hurt.”

“Eh, just making sure…”

Pearl rolled her eyes before using a wipe to clean off any of the blood that was still on Gem’s thigh. Gem scolded herself for the thoughts she was having about the… position that Pearl had her in. As heat rose up the back of her neck, Gem attempted to get her mind off of, well… that, Gem quickly thought of something to say.

“I can tell you’re shocked about how fast the regeneration works, huh.” Gem asked. “If you think this one's bad you really wouldn't want to see the others.” Gem asked.

“Hmm, you guessed?” Gem smiled at Pearl’s sass.

“I don’t really know how it works, but all I know is it's crazy.” Gem said. “It’s borderline resurrection.”

“Really? How so?”

“You remember Secret Life?” 

At Gem’s question, Pearl visibly deflated. Gem felt her heart pang at Pearl’s sadness, she knew how guilty she always had felt about the ending of Secret Life.

“Scar stabbed me through the heart at the end. I woke up in Hermitcraft with a bleeding chest and two shallow cuts along my back and heart, but no impaling whatsoever. I was completely fine after a few days.”

“That is… wow.” Pearl seemed genuinely amazed with the abilities that worldhoppers can have.

“And in Wild Life, the vexes slit my throat, but all I had back here was trouble breathing and again, blood everywhere.” Then Gem tilted her head up, to expose her throat to Pearl. There on her neck was a large, jagged, pale scar that stretched across it.

“I saw you had this… but, I didn’t ask. I knew it was probably from the series and it could have been hard to talk about.”

Gem turned back to Pearl and smiled. She always paid special attention to her.

Then Pearl gently moved one of her hands to Gem’s neck, and softly brushed her thumb over the scar.

It sent a pleasant shiver down the shorter woman’s spine. She let out a shaky breath as Pearl's fingers traced the scar, her throat bobbing under the brunette’s fingers due to a nervous swallow.

Then just as quickly as she started, she stopped. Pearl moved her hand back to her side, breaking contact with Gem’s skin.

“S-sorry.” Pearl stuttered. “I should have asked before I…”

“No, it's fine! I promise, I didn't mind…” Gem felt her cheeks get hot. And she noticed Pearl’s face getting visibly redder too.

“I, uhh, you sometimes do that with my scars so I just thought that…” Now Pearl was undeniably blushing as she sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck with her hand. “...I don’t know.”

“No, I get it. It was nice.” Gem smiled despite the fact that her stomach was still doing somersaults.

The copper haired woman recalled how years ago, after her friend’s return from Double Life, she had become adorned with many, many scars. Only adding to Gem’s existing idea of how hellish the life series must have been for Pearl and her other friends.

She had had scars before from her first season in the Life Series, Last Life, but they were basically nothing compared to the amount of scars she had after Double Life.

Pearl had often seemed sad or uncomfortable with many of the more gruesome scars along her body. If she was self conscious about them or whether they simply brought up bad memories, Gem was unsure. But all that mattered to her was that Pearl was happy, safe, and knew just how loved and beautiful she was.

Her solution was simply to trace Pearl’s scars. Show her that she wasn’t afraid of her for what had happened in the life series, how nothing had really changed between them, that she was still cared for and cherished no matter what.

Now it seemed that Pearl was returning that affirmation. 

And it meant more to Gem than she felt she could ever put into words.

–

Pearl continued to work on tending to the worldhopper’s wounds in comfortable silence. Gem watched her while words of affection and praise swam in her mind. She knew she was staring, but she didn’t really care.

The silence was broken when the taller woman reached over to her side and grabbed a bottle full of crimson liquid out of her pile of medical supplies. She brought the bottle to Gem’s lips, surprising the worldhopper out of her thoughts. 

“Drink.”

“What is it?” Gem asked.

“Regeneration.”

Gem nodded, taking the bottle in one of her hands. Awkwardly, Pearl didn’t remove one of her own hands from the base of the bottle, and continued to hold it up for Gem to drink from. 

Once again, Gem’s face was hot with blush as Pearl tended to her every need like she was something precious to her. The brunette, so close to her that she can feel the way her breath brushed against her cheeks as she drank the red liquid. 

Gem had a gut feeling that Pearl would probably be finding ways to pamper her for a while after Past Life. She was looking forward to every moment of it.

As Gem drank the potion of regeneration, she felt all kinds of pleasant sensations. Only in the moment where she felt the powers of healing from the potion did she really realize just how much pain and soreness she was in beforehand.

Warmth blossomed in her chest. Every ache in her muscles, bones and joints went away as she washed down the potion. She lost a headache she didn’t even know she was having to begin with. Every feeling of pleasant physical touch was amplified for her, and in tandem, unpleasant sensations of touch felt drowned out. The pain from the many wounds on her body disappeared, which was, now that Gem was thinking about it, probably the reason why Pearl gave her the potion in the first place. A painkiller to make it easier for her to tend to whatever injuries she might have.

Gem sighed in relief of the loss of tension she didn’t know she had.

“Better?” Pearl asked.

“Much.”

Pearl smiled and brushed a strand of hair out of Gem’s face, and tucked it behind her ear.

“Good.”

Gem couldn't help herself. Pearl was just too amazing. How could she not have fallen in love with her over and over and over again?

The arch of her nose, the curve of her jaw, the way her bangs curled over and around her face, framing it perfectly. Her gorgeous blue eyes that shone like clear sky on a spring day. Or like diamonds enchanted with… something. Something good.

Her laughter, the way she would hum to herself while doing tedious tasks, the smudge of redstone that always appeared on her face while working with machinery. 

It always looked like blood.

Gem remembered the way that Pearl looked when it actually was blood, all the way back in Secret Life, a hundred years ago. (Not literally, but to Gem, it felt like it most of the time).

The way she sounded, the way she acted. The way people would scream in fear. Fear of them.

The way she said her name, drenched in an intoxicating accent and curling in a vicious tone. 

The way she herself felt so alive in Pearl's electrifying presence. Adrenaline, the smell of smoke and iron and the feeling of butterflies in her stomach.

It was all so… magical.

She remembered the quiet moments with Pearl, behind the closed cherry wood door of her pink cottage on the hill.

Counting the hearts on their skin. Gentle kisses turning needy quickly, each a release of tension that didn’t really exist in that world. Two monsters wrapped in pale, pink bedsheets because they couldn't be when they were angels. And golden light filtering through her trapdoor window while Pearl was in her arms on the morning of her death, savoring the three days of peace before total war with her companion. Her partner.

Gem felt a suffocating feeling in her chest at the memories of all that they had been through. Maybe it was only her who saw it that way. Maybe the tension was only on her shoulders and in her heart. Maybe Pearl had been through the motions so much that love in the games was nothing more than a relieving of tension, a small silver lining that always means nothing in the end.

For the first time in countless years she got to call Pearl her partner, even if it was only for a measly three and a half days, but after the final battle Gem genuinely considered that maybe her want for something more was truly one sided. The foolish side of her could always toy with the idea that Pearl could really feel the same. 

Secret Life almost completely changed that…

In the present moment she was staring. Still watching. Like Pearl was the only thing worth looking at in the entire world. Her graceful hands, with long skilled fingers, and twisting roads of veins just finished up bandaging the wound on her leg with gauze before looking back up at Gem. She seemed surprised that Gem was watching her so intently when she met her gaze.

Gem didn't break their eye contact. Perhaps she would have two months ago. Embarrassed to be caught in awe. Fearful that her stolen glances could be interpreted incorrectly. Or in this case, too correctly.

But today was not two months ago. Right now she was in Pearl's arms.

Yesterday she wasn't. Yesterday she killed. Yesterday she died. But today she was safe. Today she was in love. Gem knew deep down she couldn't shy away from Pearl even if she wanted to. Not right now at least.

Pearl's gaze moved off of Gem's eyes abruptly and she cleared her throat before speaking. 

She's so cute.

“I- Gem… what happened?” Pearl started. “What do you remember?”

Gem knew what she was really asking her. How far did you get? Did you win?

“Everything.” Gem sighed breathlessly. She wished that that one word didn't hold as much weight as she knew it did. Everything, I remember everything with you.

Pearl blinked.

“Everything everything?”

“I didn't win Pearl.”

The taller woman's face fell.

“Why do you look disappointed?” Gem asked. “Winning doesn't give you anything. You told me that.”

“I-I know I just… it's- its the same feeling that tells the players who haven't won yet that they need to. Except, for the people you care about instead.” Pearl explained, making small gestures with her hands as she spoke. “Out of everyone on that server… you are who I want to win the most… I think I would die for it.”

Gem was surprised by Pearl’s confession.

I would die for you. 

No that's not what she said, stop it brain!

“I don't want you to die for it.”

Pearl went quiet.

Every sense in Gem's body was overwhelmed by Pearl. She wanted to hear her silky, rich voice, smell her flowery, vanilla, chocolatey scent, taste her lips covered in that honey chapstick that would always rest on her dresser. She wanted to see her in all her entirety of scars and sculpted form, the curves and ridges of her body, the wavy flow of her hair, hold her hands and run her fingertips over their calloused palms worn from work and play alike.

At this moment she really couldn't see anything that wasn't Pearl. She had a little bit of Gem's blood on her hands, bags under her eyes, blush on her cheeks.

She was perfect.

“Gem… what do you remember?”

She stayed quiet for a moment, just taking in Pearl in her perfection. The way her lips moved when she spoke was hypnotising, her voice intoxicating. The way she said her name was beautiful. She wanted her to say it more.

“I don't want to remember right now.” The worldhopper spoke softly, her heart pounding in her chest.

Perhaps it was a mistake to say what she said next, but with their faces so close together, mere inches apart, it was simply impossible for her to stop herself.

Gem had heard love be compared to standing at a cliff face, that to confess would be to throw one’s self off the edge into an abyss. You simply had to trust that the bottom would be soft enough to cushion your fall.

But Gem was already falling. Falling though endless nothingness for years, constantly yearning for solid ground.

For the first time in her memory, she thinks she can see the end of the darkness.

“Help me forget.”

It left her in a breath, quiet and soft and terribly stupid.

Pearl’s eyes widened, and her lips parted in shock. She’s smart, she knew what Gem was implying. Or at least what Gem thought she was implying. She was barely thinking to begin with.

But Pearl didn’t move away. 

She didn’t move away.

This was a mistake. I shouldn't have said anything. Gem started to panic. She’s going to think of me differently now. Maybe she thinks I meant it some other way. I was joking! I am joking! She just thinks I’m joking! I’m dodging her question, I’m just making a dirty joke, she doesn't believe what I’m saying is real! It was just a slip!

“W-what?” Pearl’s cheeks were beet red now. But she still wasn’t moving away and Gem was holding onto that like it was a life line, or maybe it was a noose disguised as a life line.

“I- uh. I'm sorry…” Gem said, feeling her own heart pounding. “I didn’t mean too-”

Segway, change the topic. She needed to change the topic. It wasn’t going to work this time. It wasn’t going to work but she had to try. Adrenaline was flaring in Gem’s body, making it hard for her to think. At the same time hesitation rested in her stomach, halting any effort she could have made to fix whatever mess of an impulsive, immature… confession, statement, declaration of wanting, that was.

God I am falling apart.

And then it hit her.

“What are you doing in my house?” Hah! The perfect deflection. It made perfect sense in the context. And as a bonus? Gem was genuinely curious. Take that Pearl! Hah! What are you doing in my house!

No actually, why are you in my house?

Pearl blinked in confusion, her face still pink.

“What?”

“Why are you in my base?” Gem repeated. “You were in my base before I world-hopped back.”

Pearl's expression changed to be less shocked and instead more embarrassed.

“I was… just… doing some house keeping!” Pearl said, cheeks bright red, frantically gesturing with one hand while sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck with the other. “You know, watering the plants and all! But, that’s not- Gem, I-”

“Yeah, but that's supposed to be what the other hermits do. The ones who get back from the Life Series are meant to rest and recover rather than worry about the others.” Gem interrupted. “Ah- also, you’re clearly lying, you aren’t fooling me.”

Pearl sighed and looked away from Gem, almost guiltily. After a beat she said quietly:

“I was waiting for you, by your bed and all…”

The red haired woman calmed, that was actually a sweet answer, Gem had heard about how some of the other hermits would sit by their friends sleeping forms, the others still fighting a war in their dreams after returning from a Life Series themselves. In fact she recalled how Pearl sat by Impulse’s-. Hang on a second I don’t-

“What? Pearl… you already know I’m a worldhopper. I don’t leave behind a sleeping body when I go to the Life Series…” Gem’s voice was low, she was too lost in thought and panic from earlier. Pearl didn’t…

“Y-you didn’t… you didn’t just sit by an empty bed while I was gone, did you?” She asked quietly. When Pearl didn’t meet her eyes, she knew she had her answer.

“Pearl…” Her voice was as soft as possible. She brought a hand to her friend’s chin, and gently moved her face to look at her properly. Tears were pooling in her sky blue eyes. It made Gem’s heart shatter.

“Yeah, I guess I did.” Pearl chuckled, blinking away her tears. “But- Gem… I need to tell you-”

“Why?”

It was a simple question. But Gem knew it certainly didn’t have a simple answer.

“I just… I missed you. I guess. But there’s more to it. I think.” Pearl said, her voice barely above a whisper. It was like she was telling Gem a secret. A secret that she herself hadn't even spoken yet. “I missed everyone but with you it was… different.

“-I remember you. From Past Life.” Pearl continued. “More than I said before.”

Gem’s breath caught in her throat. 

“I remember Grian, and I remember the others too. But for you it was so… different” Pearl said. “I remember Secret Life as well. We were… more than friends there, in both of them.”

Oh Gods, here we go.

“Pearl…I-”

“Gem- let me finish.” Pearl spoke firmly, but not angrily, her eyes still holding a look of affection. 

“In Past Life you were everything to me. I don’t remember a lot. But I remember dying. I remember dying several times, actually. And on the last death, before I left the world, I thought to myself: “If I died for Gem, then I did something good in this life.” And well… it didn’t make it all okay- I won't lie to you and say to you that it did, but… it helped.” Pearl smiled. 

“When I got back, only then did I really process what it meant to be back so early. The first thing I did was run over here. I’ve never done that before. I don’t know why I did this time, I think I just subconsciously wanted to see you. I think I needed to see you. But of course, like you said, you had no sleeping body. So I didn’t find anything. And…” Pearl took a deep breath. “Then I cried.”

“I broke down actually. I think for some reason I just thought that, well, everyone always falls asleep going to the Life Series, surely Gem must have gotten ready just like everyone else for the transition by getting into bed. And if she world-hopped away, she would come back to the same spot. And I just… I just wanted to be here when you came back.”

“To comfort you, and selfishly, to hold you again as soon as possible.” Pearl stopped for a moment and shut her eyes briefly before continuing again. 

“You have no idea how much I thought about you, Gem…” Pearl whispered, her voice was weak, her hands gestured as she spoke in sharp movements. She brought a hand to her cheek, placed two fingers on her temple and then dragged her palm down her face as she let out a deep sigh.

“I-I thought about you too…” The worldhopper spoke softly, as if one wrong word could send everything spiraling.

“Every moment, hour, day. I just… couldn't stop it.” Pearl began, absently rubbing sleep out of her eyes. Only then did Gem realize that she was tired from staying up by her empty bed. “Even if I wanted to go back to my base I don’t know if I could. Everything reminded me of you, even in my own home.”

“-How pathetic is that?” Pearl laughed. “As if I’m not always stuck thinking about you, it’s crazy… -But, how am I supposed to not when my best friend is the most amazing woman in the multiverse?"

“That’s a stretch.” Gem’s voice was sad. If it was any other day she would probably have made a clever joke about how humble and awesome she was, or teased Pearl for being obsessed with her. If only she knew.

“Not to me.” Pearl urged. “Never a stretch to me.”

Pearl cupped both of Gem’s cheeks in her hands. And gently moved her forehead to rest on hers.

They stayed like that. For a while, before Gem spoke.

“You cried over me?” Gem whispered. Concern in her voice, brows creased in worry.

“I’ve cried over you so many times.”

Gem opened her eyes and moved back, she felt her heart break in her chest.

“Why? Pearl, why do you say that like I would be happy? L-like it’s some kind of accomplishment for me?” Gem said, feeling her voice raise by an octave involuntarily. “I don’t want you to cry over me- or anything!”

“Gem…” her friend looked at her with… something that Gem hesitated in putting a name too. “I’m not saying it for you to be happy over. I’m telling you because it’s true.”

“But why? Why did I make you cry? What did I do? Can I apologize? Make it up to you somehow?”

Pearl just smiled at her. Her expression was so familiar to her. The corners of her eyes creased by her lips in a fond smile, her breaths deep but steady. 

It stopped Gem in her tracks. She knew this look. Why was Pearl looking at her like this?

Why was Pearl looking at Gem the way Gem looks at her? There was more to why Pearl was so adamant to stay by Gem's non-existent side, Gem knew it, something she wasn't saying…

“Why did you spend so much time just… sitting over my bed? I get that you missed me but… but why?”

I’m delusional, I’m completely delusional. Pearl doesn’t feel the same as her. Gem had accepted that a long time ago.

Everything they had in the Life Series was simply an act in the moment, things confined to the roles they play in the battle arena. No matter how sweet their stolen kisses were, no matter how amazing Gem felt every morning waking up with Pearl, it was all just the game. She pushed Santa Perla away, maybe the only version of Pearl that could be safe forever. The first ever Pearl who loved her died years and years ago, and Gem couldn't save her; she promised herself she would never lose love again the same way, and as punishment she had to lose it in every other possible way imaginable. 

This version of Pearl didn’t love her, not the same way as she did. She had never loved her, she could never love her.

But why? Was what the sinister voice in the back of her mind always whispered to her. Why couldn't I love her? Why couldn't she love me?

Because you would lose her. And she simply just doesn't feel the same way, Secret Life told me that, whether she meant it too or not.

“I think you already know.” Pearl said, still looking at Gem in that horrible, wonderful, perfect way. And worst of all, Gem did know.

She knew more than anything else in the universe. 

The bottom of the pit was starting to close in. Solid ground once and for all was hurtling at her at a million miles an hour…

“I just… want to hear you say it.”

Pearl nodded at Gem’s request. Gem felt her breathing stop, and maybe her heart too.

She doesn’t… she’s going to say something else. She just simply doesn’t feel the-

“Because I love you.” 

It was perfect. It was so perfect. Gem just sat there in disbelief.

“I love you.” Pearl repeated, still smiling like saying it was easy, like Gem hadn't been fantasising about it for years.

This was too perfect. It was going to fall apart, everything was going to fall apart. Pearl would drop dead, tell her that it's just a joke, she would wake up and this would all be a dream and she would be back in Past Life sitting at her grave. Or even worse, she would be back in Legacy or in the Gilded Hilanthia, crying over Pearl’s grave there instead.

“No, no, no no no.” Gem buried her face in her palms, she felt herself laughing, dry and empty laugher, tears welling in her eyes. Pearl was just making her laugh, it was just a joke. Just a cruel joke. But Pearl was anything but cruel and Gem knew that.

It was just too perfect, she can’t have Pearl in paradise, she can’t, the world just doesn’t work like that.

“Like, just in a friendly way?” She knew how Pearl meant it, she was still laughing. 

“No, Gem. I am in love with you. I love you more than a friend.” Gem looked at Pearl as she spoke. The brunette talking slowly, softly, firmly but fondly. She did not waver at Gem’s disbelief, she didn’t even flinch. “I want to kiss you and hold you and be close to you every day. I get a little sadder when you’re not with me, and I feel better when you’re around. I want to sleep in the same bed with you, wake up with you, eat breakfast with you and sneak up behind you to kiss the back of your head. I want to see you smiling. I want you to be happy. It makes me happy…”

“I-I” Gem started but felt the words caught in her throat. Pearl loves me.

Pearl loves me.

The brunette continued;

“I love you so much it hurts. I probably never would have told you. When I realized, all the way back during Double Life, I hoped that if I just kept on working and ignoring it and assuring myself that you were just a friend, the feeling would pass. But it hasn't. It has never gone away.” Tears welled in her brilliant blue eyes and spilled over her rosy cheeks as she spoke. Only now did Gem realize how Pearl's hands were shaking in hers.

“I feel like every single day that passes I fall for you more and more and the longer time goes on the more painful it gets, so yes. Yes, Gem I have cried over you, but not for any harm that you’ve done to me. You don’t need to apologize. No matter how many tears I may or may not have cried yearning for your love I wouldn't trade it for the world.” Gem heard every one of Pearl’s words and each one made her tear up. She felt light headed, her hands were shaking and sweaty still clasped between Pearl’s much larger palms, her heart was beating faster than she had ever felt it.

“But… I had to confess. I had to. What you said earlier-” Pearl’s voice was shaky and raspy, as if she had been waiting to say this for years, and if what she was saying was true, then she probably had. “About… wanting me to help you forget. I need to know, I’m begging you to tell me what you wanted from me. What you meant. I need to know if you… if you feel the same.”

Gem was quiet, her lips parted, and her cheeks almost certainly red with blush. Feel the same? Oh Pearl. You have no idea.

“I-I…” Gem took a deep breath. “I think you already know.”

Pearl looked at her in a way that Gem thinks will be etched into her mind for all eternity. Shadows casted over blue eyes, jaw tight like she was holding herself back, hands holding hers still firm and gentle, emotions packed in every crease on her face. She looked like a beggar, a worshiper, a lover.

“I want to hear you say it.”

Pearl was here right now. In front of her. In flesh and blood and bones. She was breathing and her heart was beating. She was looking at Gem like she was everything. She was looking at Gem like she was in love.

And Gem was in love too.

“I love you.”

They were three simple words, eight simple letters.

There were no “neverminds”, no bad excuses, no changing the subject.

She wasn’t a princess confessing to a statue anymore. Because Pearl was here, not made of stone, holding her, touching her, and loving her as if it was one thousand years ago. 

And maybe some things like this were never meant to be kept to the Life Series. Perhaps they wouldn't be doomed to be forever running up spiral staircases in their memories.

Then suddenly, she was falling again. Falling just like her ending in Past Life. And just like her death sixty minutes ago, she was falling into the moon. Not a reflection in a puddle, not even the real moon. But her moon.

And you know what? Just like they said, the ground at the bottom of the pit was soft after all.

Almost as soft as Pearl’s lips.

—

Kissing Pearl was perfect. It was better than she remembered.

Gem doesn’t know who kissed who first, she thinks maybe she did. They shared more words in between her confession and their kiss, but she didn’t really care. She supposed those words would be lost to time forever.

All Gem knows is that now she’s sitting on Pearl’s lap with their faces smashed together in a passionate kiss.

For these moments Gem’s actions felt involuntary but wholly organic. As if to kiss Pearl was the specific limit that sent her senses over the edge. 

Pearl’s arms had moved from resting in her lap with Gem’s hands between her larger own to wrapping around Gem’s waist, holding her close. Gem had one of her hands at the back of Pearl’s head and the other fanned out over her waist.

The worldhopper was suddenly extremely grateful for the regeneration potion that Pearl had given her earlier, because she was certain that this operation would have been much more painful otherwise. But then again, she’s not even sure if the physical pain would have stopped her.

She was pressed as close to Pearl as humanly possible, she felt that if there were any distance between the two of them, she would have died.

Arching her back to press against the curve of Pearl’s own body. Her arms wrapped around the back of Pearl's neck and one hand clawing at the back of her shirt.

When Gem had finally come to her senses again, she quickly broke the kiss.

She moved back fast, her lips parting from Pearl’s suddenly. Her partner tried to follow her to continue kissing her, hands lingering, still planted on Gem's hips, but abruptly stopped when she realized what she was doing. Gem thinks that that act alone ruined her.

“I-I’m sorry, I-”

“Why are you apologizing?” Pearl interrupted, her voice breathless and raspy, breaking against her own words. The taller woman’s hands moved up from their place at Gem's hips to instead wrap around the curve of her back, keeping her close. Gem still was glued as close as she could have been to Pearl at that moment, she didn’t know why she was hesitating. She wanted to continue so badly, but guilt still clawed at her chest. This time she really didn’t know why.

“I just-” Gem started. “Do you… want this?”

“Gem. Please…” Pearl whispered, her voice shaking with want. “More than anything.”

The last thing she would ever want is to make Pearl feel uncomfortable. And finally with proper assurance, Gem continued.

When their lips met again excitement buzzed in Gem’s chest. Desire filled her when her partner deepened their kiss by moving her hands once again to tangle into Gem's scarlet hair and pull at it. Pearl tilted her head back with a handful of ginger locs and the perfect amount of pressure, then moved her attention to Gem's lower lip to clamp her teeth over it.

Gem barely could help the sound she let out as Pearl kissed and nipped at her lips. Heat from embarrassment or something deeper grew in her stomach and chest as once again, a noise that was much more recognizable as Pearl's name covered in wanting slipped from between her lips.

Gem doesn’t know how long she has been waiting for this. All she knows is that it felt like centuries.

Hungry kisses filled with buried emotions coming to light. Maybe an act like this would have reminded her of Secret Life if she wasn't so lost in the present.

No past, no future right now, only the present, only now. Right now was all that mattered in the world.

Pearl slid her hands from the place they were placed behind Gem’s head and down her chest before untying the black cloak that hung over the worldhopper’s shoulders. It fell to the wooden floor beneath them in a messy pile. When Pearl broke the kiss for air, Gem turned to properly move it out of the way before kissing Pearl again, only briefly though.

When they broke apart again, the two of them shuffled to the wall a couple feet away from where they were originally sitting. Now with Pearl’s back to the wall and Gem straddling her lap comfortably, she placed one her hands against the wall beside Pearl’s head and continued their kiss.

She moved her other hand to the back of Pearl’s head and ran her nails down her scalp, through her soft brown hair. It caused Pearl to make a lovely sound against her lips that Gem thinks will haunt her until the end of her days.

Suddenly the worldhopper became incredibly grateful for the fact that there were always resets to the world of Hermitcraft for new seasons. Gem doesn’t think that she would be able to continue walking by this part of her home knowing how Pearl says her name while she’s pinned against it.

Gem felt the need for air start to push against her lungs, but she really didn’t want to be the first to break their contact. If she was just meant to die of suffocation on Pearl’s lips then maybe death wouldn't be so bad.

Luckily though, Pearl broke their kiss first and began gasping for air. Her half lidded eyes were still locked on Gem’s lips as her chest heaved up and down with each breath. A strand of her hair was out of place, the shorter woman moved her hand to tuck it behind Pearl’s ear. Her partner blushed, then smiled, before moving back inwards to kiss Gem again.

But, the worldhopper placed her palm over Pearl’s mouth, stopping her. She had a different idea.

“Move down.”

“Huh?”

“Down. lay on the ground.”

Pearl’s eyes, that moments before carried a disappointed expression, widened before silently nodding. Gem moved off of Pearl’s lap to make it easier for her partner to do as she was told.

When Pearl’s back was properly against the floor, Gem continued kissing her. Softly at first, but turning desperate once again quickly. Then her kisses trailed to the side of her partner’s lips, then her cheek, then her jaw.

The worldhopper moved down to Pearl's neck as she savored the soft sounds that Pearl made as she travelled. She went to move the collar of Pearl's uniform out of the way but found it was already messed up and unbuttoned.

“Well, this is convenient…” Gem teased, her smiling lips pressed against the hot skin of Pearl’s neck, enjoying the feeling of her partner's rapid heartbeat as she rested there. “Were you waiting for me or something?”

Pearl laughed. It sounded like music.

“No. It's just so hot in here, do you not have air conditioning?”

“No, the kraken ate it.”

“You say that about everything. ‘The kraken ate it!’ Just so casually.”

“It's a hungry kraken.” Gem said plainly. 

“Clearly!”

“You know, it was annoying at first, but if it means you're gonna be undressing in my home, then maybe I should go and thank it.”

“Gem!”

The worldhopper let out a cackle at her friend's embarrassment.

“Oh come on! You cannot be getting flustered by that when I am literally sitting on top of you!”

“S-shut up!” Pearl buried her hands in her face. “Just kiss my neck already and be quiet!”

“Jeese, okay princess!”

Pearl pouted at Gem’s teasing remarks. She couldn't help but kiss her partner lovingly on the lips again before moving down once more.

The worldhopper noticed how over Pearl's throat there was a mysterious new scar that Gem had never seen before. It looked like it had just been healed over. The shorter woman immediately recognised it as an arrow wound. Even though she had never seen this scar before on Pearl's body, she knew exactly how it got there.

Instinctively, Gem went to kiss the scar from the canary's arrow, drawing a shaky breath out of her partner.

Then she moved her attention to the base of Pearl's neck. She peppered kisses over the curve from her shoulder to her jaw she knew would be tender, before grazing her teeth over the same spot.

The taller woman let out a small gasp before wrapping her arms around Gem's back.

“Gem…” 

The worldhopper bit slightly harder onto Pearl's neck, careful not to hurt her with her sharper teeth, causing the brunette's head to lull to the side, as if silently pleading to Gem to keep going.

“Gem-” Pearl repeated, less silently pleading to Gem to keep going. Her voice was coated with something between surprise and pleasure that made the feeling of wanting in Gem's stomach even more overwhelming.

She kept her attention at the spot on Pearl’s neck for a little while longer. As she kissed and bit her partner’s skin, Pearl trailed her hands from Gem’s back, to her waist.

Gem flinched as Pearl's hands glided over the exposed skin on her waist, causing Pearl to move her hands away. Gem let out a noise of complaint before moving away from her partner’s neck, and sitting back to look down at Pearl.

“Why did you stop?”

“Y-you flinched…”

Gem smiled at the brunette.

“I'm fine, I promise.”

Pearl nodded, and then she moved her hands back to their place on Gem’s waist. The red haired woman stayed sitting over her partner, watching her with a soft smile. Warmth grew in her stomach and her heart fluttered. The feeling of kissing Pearl still lingered on her lips, and watching how the brunette seemed so careful while resting her hands over her waist made her melt.

Gem was slightly caught off guard when her partner slowly and carefully moved her hands down to her belt. Heat blossomed on her face as she let her imagination get a little too far ahead of the rest of her.

“Wow, clearly you aren’t patient.” Gem teased quietly, trying to hide how flustered she was.

Pearl didn’t respond. Her hand had stopped moving, to Gem’s immense disappointment. Her face was frozen in a look of worry and confusion. Only then did Gem notice why she had stopped.

Her partner’s hand rested over a small crescent moon pendant that was clipped to Gem’s belt.

“Why do you have this?” Pearl asked. Gem knew why.

“Pearl… we missed you.”

“You already said that, Gem…”

“No. We missed you.” The worldhopper repeated, sadness in her chest at the memory. “We had these to remember you.”

“Who is ‘we’?” The brunette asked.

“Me and Grian. After you died, we swore that we would avenge you.” Gem explained. “And I did.”

“You killed Jimmy… you have roses.” Pearl whispered, testing the words aloud. “Y-you had makeup running down your face. Your hair is a mess…”

“Are you implying that I look ugly right now?” Gem joked. But Pearl wasn’t laughing.

“Gem, I am implying that you look miserable! You came back covered in blood, tears streaking down your face and with the stained mascara I can only believe that you had been crying a lot.” The taller woman’s voice raised slightly as she spoke. “You have a crescent moon on your belt…”

Gem could finish Pearl’s sentence for her in her mind. You have this because of me.

“Yeah… yeah I do.” I don’t regret any of it, I promise.

“Gem. What happened after I left?” 

“-After you died.” Gem corrected, her voice bitter as if the words left a bad taste in her mouth.

The worldhopper took a breath in through her nose before speaking.

“The target on me and Grian’s back was much smaller after the session you died. It took them killing my partner for them to realize that maybe, just maybe, we had received enough of a blow to our… everything, for them to stop attacking us all the time. It was a mistake being the villains, we were basically asking for it the whole season and it got you killed.”

“-Me and Grian went back to the lighthouse, but there was barely anything left worth salvaging. We couldn't find it within ourselves to repair the griefing that Joel and Skizz did the last session without you.” Gem felt anger and sadness grow in her gut. “They ruined your garden. I replanted everything for you.”

Pearl’s brows creased in worry at Gem’s clear distress at recalling the events of the final session of Past Life.

“The first half of the session wasn’t very eventful. We went to a trial chamber and Grian’s stupid butt got himself killed. I was so scared down there that I would have to do everything alone, so I begged him when he came back on red life not to be an idiot and leave me too. After we left the trial chamber there were a lot of stalemates, a lot of fights that fizzled out before any deaths occurred. Grian was like a rabid dog whenever he saw Jimmy, he was furious. Chasing him around at every chance he could, throwing threats that he intended to keep but never really followed through with them to the fullest extent.”

“-He managed to kill Joel. Fully kill Joel too, knock him out of the series.”

“Yeah I heard about something like that.” Pearl said. “He was blubbering about his death like you said he always does.”

Gem laughed. That’s Joel for you…

“Oh, and I accidentally died in the dripstone trap that me and Grian set up.”

“What?”

“I can’t even make fun of you for dying in those things anymore because they are literally lethal. Etho went out to one as well.”

“Like all the way out of the series?” Pearl asked. Gem nodded. The brunette groaned, bringing a hand to her forehead.

“That is just the worst!” Pearl put one of her hands on her forehead. “At least I died in an active fight instead of some stupid trap!”

“He’s never going to live that down.”

“Yeah definitely not with you in the same world as him.”

“Aw… you know me so well!” Gem giggled, feeling some of the tension wash away in her chest.

Gem took a breath before continuing to retell the events of the session.

“At one point, half of the players teamed up on me to hunt me down. I can’t even really get mad at it, because I was one of the last non-red people still standing. Scar got me.”

“They teamed up on you? You really have bad luck with those kinds of things.”

“Yeah people need to stop ganging up on me, because all that tells me is that they are too afraid of me to fight me one on one.” Gem joked. “My ego’s gonna get too big.”

“I think that is actually the reason. I’m too scared to fight you one on one.”

“You are equally matched with me!”

“On a good day.”

“We could test that theory sometime if you actually say yes when I ask to PvP against you for once.”

“...What else did you say happened in the session? 

Gem rolled her eyes at Pearl’s very smooth changing of the subject.

The worldhopper recalled back in the final fight how emotional she was. Running on pure adrenaline throughout the whole build up and event itself. It was weird. Whenever she died in the finale of a Life Series, the smell of blood and gunpowder was always in the air, but the lighthouse and in turn, the Square Hole had seen little combat and death throughout the session.

The smell was eerily normal, the scent of pine and winter air. Fresh, cold wind blowing over the elevated terrain that the home of the villains stood upon. Gem hadn’t been in a series that had a colder climate, both Secret Life and Wild Life were very hot all over the map, but in the finale of Past Life, it was very chilly.

She recalled the night sky hanging over her. Stars scattered over the dark blue backdrop appeared as the sun set over the world that she had called home for the past two months for the very last time.

The world that gave her the chance at the love of her life and then ripped it away from her. The world where she built her home with her bare hands and then had someone else ruin it with lava and stone. The world where she had a family again and the world where it all fell apart.

And of course there was the moon. A half moon. After Pearl’s death Gem started to pay attention to the phase of the moon more and more.

The night she died it was a crescent moon, barely a sliver shining in the sky. The night before, just after she had turned red, there was no moon at all. Almost as if the Watchers were taunting them with what was to come in the following hours. A melancholy and cruel joke that Gem was sure they simply adored.

The silence in the seconds before the fight was deafening. Every time the five players still left alive went quiet Gem became overly aware of every one of her senses.

The feeling of her heart pounding in her chest. Hunger clawing at her stomach, from physical starvation or desperation for vengeance. She remembered hearing the wind whistle and nip at her ears, whispering like the long since broken promises that she made with her best friend when nothing mattered.

She heard each and every promise, replaying them all in her mind, but one stood out more than the others, a promise that had yet to be broken. One she whispered to the crescent shaped headstone by where her body was buried.

I promise you that he will leave this series by my hands.

A promise Gem intended to keep.

When the fight had finally begun it passed in a blur. The taste of blood on her tongue reminded her of Secret Life, she imagined Pearl was with her, cheering her on with each swing of her sword.

When she had finally got to that man she fought harder than she ever had in anything before. Maybe more than she needed too. But she couldn't help it. 

It was brutal, it was disrespectful. But someone who kills her Pearl does not deserve her respect. 

She swung her sword with precise, lethal and practised swipes, because best believe she had been practicing for this moment.

Gem practically butchered the poor man.

She wasn’t sorry.

“The final fight was… chaotic.” Gem said slowly. “Me, Grian, Scott, Martyn, Jim.”

“Jim?” Pearl asked. Pearl had been in seasons where Jimmy was out first, needless to say he had improved a lot since then. “He made it to the final fight?”

Gem nodded.

“And you killed him?”

Gem nodded again, admiring every inch of her partner’s face. How in the world was she meant to feel guilty for killing someone for this woman? How in the world is she meant to believe that it wasn’t worth it all? Pearl took a deep breath before looking up at Gem. Her cheeks began to flush slightly.

“H-how?” Pearl swallowed, her cheeks now properly red.

“We battled over the Square Hole. Scott got knocked off the edge by Martyn. I killed Jimmy in a similar way.” Gem explained, relishing the memory in all its gory detail. “I cornered him on the edge, and locked him in a swordfight he couldn't win. I just kept hitting him over and over, he should have just keeled over and died if he was smart but he just had to hold on to whatever hope he had for a win and prolong his own pain. He ended up tripping off the edge of the drop before I could finish him myself with my own hands, but it was enough for me in the moment.”

Gem paused afterwards. Pearl was looking at her in awe. In that moment Gem was reminded of how Pearl looked at her in Secret Life again, like she was perfect instead of a cruel killer.

Gem never really understood why Pearl chose to make a proper distinction between her “Scarlet Pearl” actions and her Pearl Pearl actions.

Scarlet Pearl wasn’t any specific entity that only appeared under certain circumstances. 

Scarlet Pearl was just that slightly mad and unhinged side of Pearl that Gem can see in all the little things. Gem believed that everybody has that little bit of anger and bloodlust inside of them, she knows for certain she sees it in herself. She has seen it in Pearl since she fell in love with her, even before her friend had even given it a name.

She could see Scarlet Pearl in the way that the Queen of the Gilded Helianthia always loved a good fight. She could see Scarlet Pearl in the way that her friend and neighbour on Hermitcraft would growl in frustration whenever Gem messed with her in a card game, or she did poorly after her eighth go at Decked Out in a row. 

She could see Scarlet Pearl in the way that her Pearl was looking at her right now.

But this Scarlet Pearl was a little different. There was no glorious flowing cloak, no shift in her voice turning it from sweet and soothing to gravelly, low pitched and dangerous. Her eyes were not red despite the way they flashed. She did not carry an axe, she did not hum threats like they were lullabies, she simply laid trapped under Gem’s weight and locked in her gaze.

Caught red handed in feeling something a little too human for the daughter of Watchers.

No, this Scarlet Pearl was very different. 

Gem had always seen this mysterious “Scarlet Pearl” As simply a name for Pearl’s emotions manifested, especially after seeing how Pearl actually acts while on her red life.

Gem's heart would ache whenever Pearl would try and claim that these emotions and actions of hers were out of the ordinary. It made Pearl hate how she feels after the fact.

Pearl hates Scarlet Pearl, and Gem knows that.

If only Pearl could see herself the way Gem does.

“My only regret was that I wished I could hear him crying for longer before he died.” Gem’s voice was low and serious, she meant every word. “And I don't feel sorry. Anyone who hurts you doesn't deserve my remorse, or my mercy.”

“...Gem.” Pearl’s lips were parted, her voice breathless. As much as they try to stay atop their moral high horses on Hermitcraft, sometimes Gem finds herself falling back into that bloodlust that she’s able to unleash in the Life Series, it seemed as if Pearl must be feeling something similar now. Just like in Secret Life… 

The brunette moved to reach one of her hands to touch Gem’s face.

But before Pearl's hand reached the worldhopper’s cheek, Gem gently caught her wrist in her hand. She moved her partner’s wrist to her lips.

She planted a gentle kiss to Pearl's pulse fast and heavy against her lips, then she reached for her other wrist and brought it up to her lips as well. Pearl allowed herself to be moved with red cheeks and needy eyes.

Gem turned her eyes back to lock Pearl in her gaze. She felt a form of satisfaction that words couldn't describe when she saw the noticeable mark on the brunette's neck. 

“Gem…” Pearl repeated, her voice shaking and her blue, downturned eyes darting all over Gem’s face and body, as if trying to take in all of her. “I’m gonna need you to stop looking at me like that, because I think it’ll… I think it’ll kill me.”

“Looking at you like what?”  Gem asked, her voice still low, now every part of her that was warm before was starting to heat up again. “Like you’re perfect?”

Maybe she was amping up the husk in her voice just to make Pearl squirm, or maybe she wasn't acting at all. It didn't really matter to her much either way because either way Pearl looked gorgeous trapped underneath her.

“No. Well- yes, but…” Pearl cleared her throat, now she looked really flustered. Gem couldn't help but lean forward over Pearl, shifting to straddle her waist properly now. Pearl looked like she was going to pass away, she looked like she would like it, too. “Gem, I need you to, uh-”

“Say it.”

As she spoke, the worldhopper trailed her hands over her lover's torso, sliding from her waist, up slowly resting just at the bottom of her ribs, feeling the way the cage under Pearl’s chest rose and fell as if her own breath was fighting against the bones that made its prison.

Her hands acted as selfish agents of her eyes, following everywhere her gaze dragged. She vowed silently that she would never allow herself to forget this ever again, that if she was ever parted from her friend at least her hands would remember. At least she would have the memory of her in the pads of her fingertips.

Savoring every quiet whimper, heavy sighs, and hitched breaths that left the brunette's mouth as if it was gospel.

Pearl stuttered for longer, failing to get her words out. Gem spoke first.

“Whatever you want, I’ll do it for you. Whatever you need…”

“I need you to stop looking at me like that, it’s killing me…”

“If you tell me how, I’ll stop. But I need to know what I’m doing wrong first. Explain.” Gem added more force behind her words, it made Pearl let out a shuttery breath.

“Like… I-” Pearl spoke quietly, almost too embarrassed to say. “Like, you’re obsessed with me. Like you’re… I-I can’t describe it.”

Gem simply hummed in acknowledgement at Pearl’s statement before chuckling quietly under her breath.

Gem felt a small smirk appear on her face, her sharper canines pressing into her lips. Oh my poor beautiful Pearl, I thought you were meant to be the wolf.

She didn’t stop looking at Pearl like she was “obsessed”.

Instead, Gem leaned further over her partner, planting her hands against the floorboards next to Pearl’s head effortlessly pinning her to the ground. The brunette squeaked in surprise and excitement at the sudden change in position.

“I am obsessed with you.”

Nothing else was truer to Gem at that moment. Pearl was in absolute awe.

Gem’s heart was beating rapidly in her chest, heat pulsing throughout her entire body. Words of praise belonging only to the woman she was sitting over, swam in her mind. 

“Can I kiss you?” Gem asked, voice quiet and hushed like what they had was a secret, staring into Pearl’s soul with half lidded eyes.

“Yes- You don't need to ah-” The worldhopper cut off her partner’s sentence with a passionate kiss. She savored the sound of Pearl’s words dying on her tongue and fading into a pleasant noise. She wished she could swallow those words straight out of Pearl’s mouth. You don't need to ask. You don't need to ask. You don’t need to ask. As if their love was second nature. As if Pearl expected nothing less.

And who was Gem to disappoint her?

Gem kissed Pearl furiously. Biting at her bottom lip and listening to Pearl's noises of satisfaction as she went.

The taller woman dug her nails into the fabric Gem’s shirt and arched into her, mitigating any space between them once again.

Gem felt like she could stay like this forever and she would be content for the rest of her life.

The worldhopper reached to grab Pearl's wrists again, moving them from where they were, clawing at her back, to the floorboards beside Pearl's head.

The brunette gasped as Gem pinned her down by her hands with a thud against the floorboards as she brought Pearl's wrists to the ground hard. After the copper haired woman lowered to bite and kiss her neck, maybe this time she was going to leave more than just one hickey… 

“Wait-” Pearl said, her words broken up by her attempts to catch her breath. “Wait, not here.”

Gem stopped immediately. She moved to give Pearl space but her partner made a noise of complaint when Gem began to move away.

“I don't think I can do this here.”

Gem felt a pit grow in her stomach. Did I make her uncomfortable, am I overstepping?

“Can I ask why?” The worldhopper asked, quietly, her brow creased with worry. She loosened her hold on Pearl’s wrists making it easier for her to move away if she needed to.

“Yes, yeah, I just…” The brunette began, a sheepish look on her face. “I know it's like… super hot and cool and like the number one romance novel trope but if we do this on the floor I think my back will die tomorrow.”

Gem went quiet before bursting out in laughter.

“Jeese, okay old lady. We'll go to my bed then!”

“Okay, I haven't exactly been the most productive about building my base the past week, but that's only because someone had to go get trapped in the blood games and scare me half to death! I can't afford to have another day off due to a pulled muscle!” Pearl complained. “And calling me an old lady is probably the most mood-killing thing I've ever heard you say! 

Pearl pouted in annoyance at Gem's continuous laughter. “Wait, hang on! You're older than me!”

“By less than a month!”

“It counts!”

Gem was still laughing. But she calmed herself before speaking again.

“Maybe that is a good idea, my knees would probably get sore doing this…”

“Okay, wow. You’re calling me old, grandma over here is complaining about her knees aching!” Pearl teased. Gem rolled her eyes.

“Bedroom.” The worldhopper commanded, sliding off of Pearl’s waist.

“Yes ma’am.” 

Gem laughed in surprise at Pearl’s response. Pearl gigged too.

“God, you are so pathetic.”

Pearl moved from her spot on the floor, and stood up quickly before Gem, then she reached out to help Gem up.

Gem took her partner’s hand gratefully, using it to help her stand up. She was a little wobbly on her feet at first but the feeling passed quickly. Pearl quickly moved to support her even if Gem really didn’t think that she was going to fall.

When Pearl questioned if she felt she was alright to continue, Gem assured that she was fine. 

The two climbed the stairs to the second floor of Gem’s little home. The whole way, hand in hand, giggling and teasing each other like they always did.

For the first time in weeks Gem felt at peace. Peace because Pearl was with her leading her so gently to her bedroom. Every once in a while sneaking in to steal a kiss from her as if it was the most effortless thing in the world.

As if the little things like this were how they were always meant to be.

No more blood baths, no more grief.

Not for tonight. And for once Gem could find herself truly, wholly believing that perhaps it could stay like this for a while.

As they got closer to the door to Gem’s bedroom, the worldhopper felt peace and content in her heart. Protectiveness for the woman in front of her in a way that felt different than normal. Overwhelming love, passion and loyalty instead of desperation, panic and fear.

When they reached the door, Pearl turned the metal door knob with ease before walking over the threshold into the dark room. Illuminated by nothing except the light of the moon filtering through the window across from them. Gem stepped into her familiar bedroom in wrapped familiar arms, wearing the smile of a younger version of herself.

As Gem moved her hands back to the door knob she never broke eye contact with Pearl, who shared a similar look of adoration on her face. 

Her lovely eyes, the same ones that Gem had fallen in love with over and over again look at her like she is the whole world. And perhaps for tonight she can try to believe that she can be a fraction of that. For Pearl.

For Pearl.

She shut the wooden door behind her. It clicked twice after it shut. One for closing, and the other for the lock.

I love you.

This time she actually said it aloud. Gem sighed in relief and content, as the love of her life wrapped her in a warm embrace.

Maybe she really could have Pearl in paradise after all…