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The Batcomputer's glow cast long shadows across the Cave as Tim Drake looked up from his forensic analysis, his coffee mug frozen halfway to his lips.
"Is... is that Stephanie being carried like a sack of potatoes?"
Dick Grayson swiveled in his chair, a grin already spreading across his face. "Oh, this is beautiful."
Barbara's keyboard clacking stopped. Through the monitor, she had a perfect view of the Cave's entrance, where Cassandra Cain had just descended the stairs. Over her shoulder, draped like a very indignant flag, was Stephanie Brown.
"CASS! I AM NOT A BAG OF GROCERIES! PUT ME DOWN!" Stephanie's blonde hair was a wild mess, her cape trailing behind her like a banner of surrender. Her legs kicked uselessly in the air, and her fists pounded against Cassandra's back with all the effectiveness of a butterfly attacking a tank.
Cassandra didn't slow her pace. Her free hand, the one not currently securing Stephanie's thighs against her shoulder, rested casually on the blonde's backside. Not accidentally. Not nervously. Just... there. Like it belonged there.
Like she'd chosen to put it there.
"What in the actual hell?" Jason Todd emerged from the gym area, towel around his neck, mid-sentence from whatever he'd been saying to Damian. Both stopped dead.
Damian's eyes narrowed with the particular intensity of a child who had witnessed something that both confused and offended him. "Brown. Explain your current predicament."
"I DIDN'T CHOOSE THIS PREDICAMENT!" Stephanie howled. "CASSANDRA! I HAVE A REPUTATION! PEOPLE FEAR THE SPOILER!"
Cassandra's response was a tiny, almost imperceptible smile. It was the kind of smile that made Dick's heart do a little flip; rare, genuine, and devastating in its quiet warmth.
She patted Stephanie's butt.
Pat. Pat.
Three distinct, unashamed taps.
Then she continued walking toward the kitchen area.
"I'm going to kill her," Stephanie announced to the Cave at large. "I'm going to kill her and then I'm going to hide the body and NO ONE will find it because I've read ALL your files and I know ALL your hiding spots."
"You don't know mine," Damian said flatly.
"I'll FIND them!"
"You won't."
"I'll—" Stephanie's face was now the color of a ripe tomato, visible even from across the Cave. "CASS. PLEASE. I'm BEGGING you. The others are WATCHING."
Cassandra glanced over her shoulder at her audience. Her expression was serene. She looked at Dick, then Tim, then Jason, then Damian. Then she looked back at Stephanie, still dangling over her shoulder.
She patted Stephanie's butt again.
Pat.
Tim choked on his coffee. Dick was openly cackling now, the kind of full-body laugh that had him gripping the edge of the Batcomputer console for support. Even Jason had abandoned his usual stoicism, a grin threatening to crack his face in two.
"Alright, alright, this is insane," Jason said, stepping forward with his hands raised. "I gotta know. Why? Why is she—" he gestured vaguely at the human-shaped bundle of indignance "—over your shoulder like a goddamn cavewoman?"
Cassandra stopped walking. She tilted her head, considering the question with the gravity it apparently deserved.
"Stephanie," she said, her voice soft but clear, "forgot lunch."
The Cave went silent.
"...What?" Tim managed.
Stephanie groaned. "I was BUSY! I was doing surveillance! I had trail mix."
"Trail mix is not lunch." Cassandra's tone was absolutely unyielding. "Stephanie needs real food. Protein. Vegetables. She forgot. I am handling it."
"You're handling me like I'm a misplaced library book!"
"You are misplaced," Cassandra agreed. "In the Cave. Not eating." She resumed walking.
"I'm thirty-two years old!" Stephanie shrieked.
"Twenty-eight," Cassandra corrected.
"I—" Stephanie sputtered. "That's not—how do you even—YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!"
"I know everything about you." Cassandra's voice dropped, just slightly, and something in the air shifted. "Everything."
The possessiveness in those two words was so casual, so utterly certain, that it seemed to suck the air out of the room.
Dick's laughter had died. His eyes were wide.
Tim was staring.
Jason's grin had frozen.
Damian looked like he'd just witnessed something he wasn't supposed to see, and was trying to decide whether to be scandalized or impressed.
Stephanie, for her part, had gone completely still. Her face was still red, but now it was a different kind of red.
"...Okay," she said, her voice much smaller. "That's... that's actually really sweet. In a terrifying, 'I'm dating a trained assassin' kind of way."
Cassandra's smile grew. Just a fraction. But it was there.
"Sweet," she repeated, and there was a note of satisfaction in it. She patted Stephanie's butt one more time, then shifted her grip, adjusting the blonde more comfortably over her shoulder. "Lunch first. Then sweet."
"Wait, what does that mean—" Stephanie started, but Cassandra was already carrying her into the kitchen.
The door swung shut behind them.
Silence reigned in the Batcave.
"...So," Tim said eventually, "they're definitely dating."
"Obviously," Damian scoffed. "Even you could see that, Drake."
"I mean, I knew they were dating. I just didn't know they were that dating."
Jason sank into a chair, running a hand through his hair. "She carried her over her shoulder. In full gear. While patting her ass. Like it was nothing."
"Like it was Tuesday," Dick agreed, still grinning.
"Like it was inevitable," Tim corrected.
They all looked at the kitchen door.
Through the window, they could see Cassandra setting Stephanie down on the counter. Stephanie was gesturing wildly, clearly still protesting. Cassandra was opening the fridge.
Then Cassandra turned, said something that made Stephanie freeze, and leaned in.
Her hand came up to cup Stephanie's cheek.
The kiss that followed was gentle. Affectionate. Utterly private, despite the window.
And the hand that had been patting Stephanie's butt moments ago settled on her thigh with a proprietary ease that made all four men in the Cave look away simultaneously.
"We should not be watching this," Damian announced.
"Agreed," Tim said quickly.
"Absolutely not," Jason added, already standing.
"Definitely invading their privacy," Dick concurred, though he was still smiling.
They scattered.
None of them mentioned the fact that Stephanie had stopped protesting, or that her arms had wound around Cassandra's neck, or that when Cassandra pulled back, Stephanie was smiling.
A real smile.
The kind that made everything worth it.
In the kitchen, Cassandra pressed her forehead to Stephanie's.
"Eat," she murmured. "Please."
Stephanie sighed, a gusty, dramatic sound that was entirely for show. "Fine. But only because you asked nicely."
"Did not ask nicely." Cassandra's lips twitched. "Carried you."
"You're impossible."
"I am yours."
Stephanie's heart did a stupid little flip. "Yeah," she admitted, reaching up to touch Cassandra's face. "Yeah, you are."
Cassandra turned her head, pressing a kiss to Stephanie's palm.
"Lunch," she reminded her.
"Lunch," Stephanie agreed. "And then you owe me a real apology."
"For what?"
"For ruining my reputation in front of everyone."
Cassandra's smile returned. That tiny, devastating, rare thing.
"I do not apologize," she said. "Stephanie needed lunch."
"And my dignity means nothing to you?"
"Your dignity is safe." Cassandra leaned in, her voice dropping to a whisper. "I will protect it."
She paused.
"But also. I liked carrying you."
Stephanie buried her face in Cassandra's shoulder. "You're impossible," she repeated, muffled.
Cassandra pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
"Lunch," she said again. "And then..."
She let the sentence hang, weighted with promise.
Stephanie pulled back, her blush returning. But she was smiling.
"Okay," she said. "But I'm walking myself to the table. Like an adult."
Cassandra considered this. Then she nodded, stepping back to let Stephanie slide off the counter.
But her hand found Stephanie's.
Her fingers intertwined.
And when they walked into the dining room, hand in hand, the rest of the family very pointedly did not look up.
Except Dick, who gave them a thumbs up.
Cassandra nodded at him, regal and unbothered.
Stephanie hid her face in Cassandra's shoulder again.
But she didn't let go of her hand.
Later that night, on the Batcomputer:
TIM: So. We're all in agreement that Cass is the top in that relationship, right?
JASON: DRAKE DELETE THAT BEFORE SHE SEES IT
DICK: I don't think she needs a computer to know what you said. She probably already knows.
DAMIAN: Brown is lucky. Cain is formidable.
STEPHANIE: I CAN SEE THE GROUP CHAT AND I AM GOING TO END EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU
CASSANDRA: 🥪
STEPHANIE: ...okay that's actually cute
CASSANDRA: 🥪❤️
STEPHANIE: I HATE YOU ALL I'M GOING TO BED
CASSANDRA: With me.
STEPHANIE: OH MY GOD CASS
TIM: I'm archiving this forever.
JASON: I'm leaving this family.
DICK: No you're not, we're a team, we're a family, we—
JASON: I'M LEAVING
DAMIAN: Do not let the door hit you on your way out, Todd. You will dent it.
CASSANDRA: 😊
STEPHANIE: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M IN LOVE WITH A TERRORIST WHO CARRIES ME LIKE BAGGAGE
CASSANDRA: ❤️
STEPHANIE: ....yeah okay I love you too
The chat went silent.
But in the kitchen, the lights stayed on a little longer.
And two shadows, intertwined, sat together in comfortable silence.
One of them was smiling.
The other was, too.
Neither of them had to say a word.