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"When I talked to Rozanov the other evening I got the impression he likes you. He said 'off the ice is off the ice', which implied you two know each other better than I thought. Do you actually like him too?" Yuna looks questioning at her son. She had a surprisingly nice talk with Ilya Rozanov of all people at the reception for the All Stars weekend. And now she is considering the whole rivalry-thing between the Russian menace and her son. Do the two of them play it up? Or have they reached some sort of understanding, because of course there is no one else on the ice who could keep up with them.
"Mom, we are not high-school sweethearts. We just." Shane tries to catch himself, but can’t stop anymore. "Fuck." He drags his hand through his hair.
For a second Yuna looks just interested at him. With a screeching sound her mind comes to a halt, when she realizes what her son just has said. She tries to steady her breath and appear calm, when Shane is spiralling before her eyes. It's too late for him to cover with a laugh or a lewd joke, which he wouldn't do either way.
"So... you two..." Yuna doesn't know how to formulate her thoughts. Shane is her baby-boy and she doesn't think about him having sex. She remembers David telling her how earnest and serious Shane had been while they had The Talk. But David is at a conference in Edmonton. It's her turn now. "You use protection? Are either of you on PrEP?" This is what a mindful parent asks, isn't it? Not: you're fucking your fucking arch-rival?! Since when?! Did he pressure you to do it? Is he blackmailing you? Are you gay? Bi?
"Mom." Shane hides his face behind his hands.
"Please, honey, I want to be supportive. But you understand this is a... surprise?" Shock, revelation, reason to start day-drinking...
"How do you know about PrEP? Yes, we use protection. We get tested regularly. We are professional athletes and not ... damn, I wanted to say, we're not risking our careers. But I mean only health-wise, because I guess, hooking up with another player is a risk, if the League finds out."
"I'll make plans if that happens. That means, you … ah... seeing each other isn't a one time thing?"
"Ugh... I... no... We go from game to game, just text before we play against each other or are in the same city, like New York or All Stars... sorry. I really should stop talking. I don't think grown up men talk with their mom about their hook-ups."
"But I'm a cool parent, obviously." She tries to lighten the mood.
"Yeah, I thought, you'll kill me or him, if you'd ever find out."
"Why would I? I would never hurt you. I hope, I didn't." She doesn't deny the killing-Rozanov-part.
"No, you didn't. I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself."
"You mean because he is... attractive?" And a known ladies-man. But he never ceases to surprise people. "Oh my god, was he nice to me at All Stars, because of your relationship?"
"It's not a relationship! And I don't know. I mean, he is charming when he isn't on the ice... Fuck! Sorry! I need to tell him I outed him to you. He needs to be careful because of Russia."
"Because of Russia?"
"There are laws against... what they call "promoting". And as a well-known person of interest, they won't go easy on him. He could get deported and... I don't want to think about it."
"Okay, I make plans for you both. Shane, he must really like you to take such a risk."
"Mom, he likes taking risks. You've watched him play hockey." Yuna isn't convinced. You don't risk your life for a one-night stand turned into multiple night stand or whatever this is. "And it's an easy risk, because we trust each other. Neither of us has to go to a club and find a stranger."
"Maybe not a stranger. Maybe a nice partner..."
"I won't be the first openly queer player on top of being the first Asian." Her heart squeezes. That is her fault, the pressure she put on him. And it's her fault that she only knows one way to help them. "Why have I not thought about this before? Your rivalry is everywhere, but you did just the one commercial together. There are possibilities for you to spent time together off the ice." Shane turns scarlet and avoids her eyes. "What is it? Oh, I don't mean it like... setting you up. Just a possibility to talk, to make it normal to be seen together without prompting an outing. And the ccm commercial went so well." She feels there is something else. Shane who is still looking at his feet with a colour up to his ears which should warrant a call to a doctor for checking his heart-rate. "Oh... did you two... already back then?"
"Hmm."
"Sorry, I have to ask. When did you start?"
"That is not easy to answer. There were moments."
"Does that mean the rivalry was never real?"
Shane laughs "It's very real. We love beating each other, games, the scoring race, little things nobody aside from us knows about or cares about. We don't meet during playoffs. But we have a reward-system - fuck - why can't I just stop talking?"
"Maybe because you've never been able to talk about him before?" She tries in a soft voice.
"Hmm, maybe. I have no friends outside hockey, because I never have time for anything but hockey. And I sure as hell won't talk about this with anyone from the team."
"That must be lonely." And sad.
"You don't need to worry. Now you know, I haven't been lonely since rookie season."
"Yeah, I guess not."
"I need to go home, mom. I have to talk to Roz and apologise for outing him. I'll talk to you and dad, when he is back home from Edmonton. Okay?"
"Okay. Thank you for being honest with me." Damn, Shane has his shoulders up to his ears. Maybe that was a dumb thing to say. It's not like he sat her down to talk to her.
On his way to Montreal Shane decides this conversation needs to be in person. He detours to the airport and thinks it's a sign that a flight to Boston is scheduled within the next hour.
While Yuna thinks about her son spiralling and panicking, she decides to drive to Montreal and tell him, everything will be okay. She hopes everything will be okay. When she arrives at his apartment it doesn’t seem like everything is okay, because her son is not here. And he told her he would be. She tries calling. Again. And again.
On this random Tuesday in February Ilya isn't expecting anyone visiting and is surprised when his doorbell rings. He saunters over and checks who bothers him. What the fuck?! He yanks the door open and isn't sure if he believes his own eyes. "Are you that desperate for me that you fly to Boston on an off day, Hollander?"
"Are we alone, Rozanov?"
"Yes." Shane walks past him without a kiss or anything. What is happening? "Hollander? Why are you here?"
Shane drops on Ilya's couch and sighs. "Roz, please, I have to..." He gestures at Ilya who is still standing beside his couch. "Sit down, please. There is something you need to know."
"Are you breaking up with me?" Ilya tries to sound like it's a joke.
"Worse."
Was that a joke? What could be worse? "Hollander, what happened?"
"I'm so sorry. But I think it is not entirely my fault. What did you say to my mom at the All Stars function?"
"I... what? Your mom? I just talked to her about hockey." What could be worse and is relating to Yuna Hollander. They had a nice enough talk, but it was kind of superficial. He just liked talking about Shane. Sue him.
"There must have been more. She said, you told her or at least implied you like me."
"I did not say I like you. She thought that? And because of that you fly to Boston?" Oh, that is sweet, not worse.
"Ugh... I want to apologise."
"Yeah, you said so. Hollander. Why?"
"She asked me, if I like you back. And I... uhh... I said, we're no high-school sweethearts. We just fuck."
"You told your mom, we fuck?" Ilya looks a bit panicky himself now. Will Yuna arrive with the next flight and kill him for corrupting her boy?
"She will do everything to keep me and my career secure and in extension now yours. She will never out one of us."
"I never thought she would." He really didn’t.
"At the Awards, please, don't talk to her. I'm actually also here to warn you. If she gets to you, she'll talk about safe sex and joint campaigns and I don't want to know." His phone starts ringing. Shane looks at it. "She's been calling every ten minutes. I couldn't talk to her in an uber. I just brush her off."
Ilya nods while he wants to laugh out loud. Shane is here to tell him is mom wants to talk about safe sex, which is hilarious and makes him feel warm and cared for.
"Mom."
"Shane Hollander! Where are you? I'm at your apartment and you're not." She is loud enough for Ilya to hear her.
"I'm in Boston. I'll be back as soon as possible."
"Tomorrow", interrupts Ilya.
"Are you with Ilya?"
"I felt, I had to apologise in person for outing him to you."
"Tell him, I'll never tell anyone."
"I already - ey!" Yuna hears a strange sound, some rustling and shuffling “Roz, I swear! Don’t!” But Rozanov seems to have gotten hold of the phone, because the next thing she hears is his voice.
"Hi, Yuna." Ilya sounds amused, which relieves her greatly.
"Hi, Ilya."
"I never said, I like Hollander. What did I to make you think that? We must not be obvious to other people."
She tries to explain. "It was not what you said, more how you said it. But I never expected... you know... whatever you two have."
"Oh, Shane said, it was my fault."
"Not entirely." She hears her son in the background.
"And he said, you want to talk about sex at the Awards with me. I don't think we should do that in front of other people. No, Shane, I'm talking with your mother." She suppresses a laugh when she pictures her son trying to get the phone back under control.
"I just said to him, you should go on PrEP."
"There is no need. I haven't slept with other people in a while. Shane doesn't sleep around. And he makes sure, we both get tested. " Yuna hears Shane again. "Why the hell do you tell this my mother and not me?"
Ilya answers him. "I wanted to ask you to stay for a few nights in Vegas after the Awards. So, we would have time to talk. When we meet for only a few hours, we do not talk. You distract me."
"Of course, I am distracting you. Fuck yourself, Rozanov."
"No. Isn't that why you are here?" His tone is light and teasing.
"Ilya! You're still on a call with my mom!"
"Ah, you can tell Yuna we fuck, but when I do, you Ilya me."
"That's your name. Did you just... whatever. I declare defeat. This is exhausting."
"Come on, you do not give up this easy." Ilya is goading Shane. Yuna smiles to herself. Why didn't anybody realize this before? They are right now just like they are when mic'd up on the ice. It's sexual tension, even if she doesn't like to think about her little boy like that. They are teasing back and forth. And Shane seems much more self-assured and centered than any other time.
Yuna thinks they have forgotten, she is on the phone, but just can't end this call which is enlightening and entertaining in equal measure. After a few chirps on each side, they seemed to have circled back and she hears Rozanov saying: "As if you would not have panic attack when I talk about this."
"Fair. But you talk to my mom."
"She is easier to talk to than you " Which seems to remind him. "Yuna?"
"Yes. Ilya, can you answer me one question, because Shane didn't."
"I try."
"When did this thing between you two start?"
"Oh.” She can hear the glee through the phone. "Shane seduced me way back."
"What?! I did not." Yuna hears a shuffling sound.
"He did. He introduced himself and shook my hand twice in two minutes. That was teenage gay proposal."
"Teenage?" She asks for clarification. But she is already quite sure if her memory doesn't betray her. She remembers her son wanting to talk to the Russian draft prospect, wanting to watch his practise, telling her, that he's 'kinda dick' after they talked for the first time. The very first time. She feels the prickle of tears behind her eyes.
"Yes. It was the Prospect Cup 2008. But it took me until 2011 to get his phonenumber."
"I wasn't trying to seduce you." Yuna hears Shane still protesting, but with a thoughtful tone which indicates he is not sure if he means it.
"You said I was awesome player." Ilya reminds him.
"You still remember that?" Now Shane sounds soft.
“Of course.” Ilya swallows. “Yuna. I think we should say goodbye.”
"Tell Shane to call us when he's back in Montreal."
"He'll text you when I'm dropping him of at the airport."
"You can't drop me of at the airport." Shane protests.
"I know it's hard saying 'goodbye'. But you have bad hockey team to get back to tomorrow." Yuna wishes she has a recording of this call. David won't believe her.
"We still can't be seen together", stresses Shane.
"I know, sweetheart." Sweetheart?!? That is her cue to end the call.
A few hours later her phone pings with an incoming text
Shane: Thanks for everything. You can start thinking about joint campaigns. And maybe you and dad stay for a late dinner at my place when we play the Bears next month? We think you'd like to meet my boyfriend. He will be sad though, been thoroughly beaten
Mom: We'd love to meet him. Really, can't wait to get to know this mystery man ;) But I hope he doesn't expect me to comfort him after my son has shown him how to play hockey.
Another hour later. The next ping.
Unknown number: I want to say thank you for being so nice about me being me and your understanding for Shane. Please don’t tell him I steal your number from his phone ;)
Yuna: Thank you for being there for him.