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Jean has had a shit day. Not unlike many of the days before, but worse than it’s been in a while. He’s tried everything to get out of his head, but nothing has worked. He went for a run in a last ditch effort to make the buzzing under his skin more bearable, but it doesn’t seem to have let up.
Jean takes the stairs two at a time up to the apartment feeling a bit defeated, but glad that the day is almost over and he can sleep it off soon. As soon as he opens the door he knows something’s off. Cat and Laila aren’t supposed to be back until 10, and its only 9:30. Jabberwocky hasn’t come to greet him at the door, and he can hear muted sniffles coming from the living room.
He freezes in place for a second, hoping this isn’t someone Ichirou has sent to “check-in” on him, even though he’s never done that before. No, Jean would know immediately if it was Ichirou’s men. He walks slowly, toe to heel, further into the apartment, hoping it’s just the girls but not wanting to take any chances. As Jean angles to see over the back of the couch, he notices blonde curls peaking out from under the hood of a USC sweatshirt. He straightens his posture, now on high alert.
What is Jeremy doing here on a weeknight? Did they have plans he totally forgot about?
Jean takes in the sight before him: well-loved hoodie and sweats, muffled sniffles, Jabberwocky almost completely invisible under Jeremy’s arms, Jeremy’s body curled in on itself.
Oh.
Before Jean even realizes what he’s doing, he’s walking over and crouching in front of Jeremy, desperate to know what’s wrong.
“Jeremy? What happened? What are you doing here?”
“Oh, um, hi,” Jeremy sniffs, “sorry to show up like this, I just didn’t really have anywhere else to go.”
Jean softens immediately, letting his knees hit the floor and his shoulders fall.
“You can always come and stay here, you know that. But you didn’t answer my questions.”
“Well I—“
Jeremy tries to continue but keeps sputtering, trying not to cry but failing miserably. Jean has never been good at comforting other people through tears. Historically he’s told them to get it together and helped mend their wounds in the process. With seemingly no physical wounds to heal, he’s at a bit of a loss on how to move forward.
He has the sudden urge to reach for Jeremy, brush his hair out of his eyes, tell him it will be okay, that Jean will protect him.
But that isn’t allowed. He can try some other things, though, maybe, without suspicion. A cup of tea and some tissues should be a good start, he thinks.
“I’ll be right back, don’t move,” he tells Jeremy.
“I’ve been laying here for hours, Jean, where would I go. I just told you there’s nowhere else.”
Jeremy sounds exasperated and bone tired. Jean knows what his schedule is like, and if he’s really been laying here that long, this must be something serious. The real question is whether chamomile or peppermint will do the trick.
As Jean prepares the tea, he tries to think of other things that might help soothe Jeremy. To get him to calm down, and maybe coax an answer or two out of him while he’s at it. Jeremy likes movies, and Jab, and exy, and hanging out with friends.
Hm. Exy and spending time with friends seem like a no-go, so maybe an old comforting movie will help.
When he returns to the living room, Jeremy has sat up a bit, with is back against the corner of the couch, and his legs spread on the chaise end of their small sectional. Jab has moved into his lap, seeming content to comfort in any way he can. Jean grabs the tissues from the bathroom before heading over to Jeremy with tea at the ready. He decided to also make a cup for himself, because his day was bad and maybe, along with Jeremy’s presence, it can help him unwind a bit too.
“Thanks, Jean, I really appreciate it,” Jeremy says as Jean hands him a cup of chamomile. “Where were you just now anyway? Practice was over hours ago.”
“Ah. I went for a run. Wanted to clear my head,” Jean tells him, hoping that won’t evoke too many questions from Jeremy. “I finished my school work earlier, so… want to watch a movie?”
Jeremy looks stunned for a second, probably because Jean has never once asked to spend time together like this. As soon as the shock subsides, a grin splits his face, and Jean swears he can see a speck of golden light re-emerge in Jeremy. Something in Jean relaxes at the sight.
“That sounds like a great idea! Nothing too heavy or loud though, if you don’t mind,” Jeremy says, then takes a moment to think. Jean knows the name of maybe one movie, so he doesn’t have much to contribute here.
“Homeward Bound sounds perfect right now actually, what do you think?” Jeremy asks.
“I have never heard of this.”
“Oh, you’ll love it, its about two dogs and a cat that get lost in the wilderness but find their way back home in the end!”
“You just spoiled the ending, now I cannot watch”
Jeremy lets out a small chuckle. It’s nothing, really, but after seeing his eyes red rimmed and distraught like Jean’s never seen, he’ll take anything.
Jean sorts through their collection of DVDs and finds it after a few minutes of searching. They really need a new system for organizing them, maybe alphabetization. He pops it in the DVD player and grabs a couple blankets. He lays one on Jeremy’s lap and settles in on the couch a few feet away.
The movie starts and they sit in companionable silence, the only sounds the dialogue from the tv and the occasional slurp of tea.
The movie is good so far, funny and light like Jeremy said but not too forced or cringe-worthy. Jean wasn’t expecting to be pulled in by this movie at all, judging by the cover and the concept.
There’s a scene where they lose Sassy, the cat, and Jean can hear muffled sobs from the other end of the couch. He’s caught off guard again. He already got the tea and the tissues.
“Do you want to turn it off?” He asks Jeremy, in a low voice.
“No, no, it’s just getting good!”
“Then why are you sobbing?”
“Does this not make you feel anything?”
Of course this makes Jean feel something. He sees himself in these animals, as strange as that sounds. Jean just isn’t used to outwardly feeling his emotions like this for something as mundane as watching a movie. He doesn’t realize what he’s doing as he scoots closer to Jeremy, wanting badly to comfort him in any way. He’s barely paying attention to the movie anymore, looking back and forth between Jeremy and the TV every so often.
Before he knows it, Jean is close enough to Jeremy that he can feel his body heat through his clothes. The movie seems to be ending. They find Sassy, and Jeremy lets out another weak sob. When the three animals come up over the hill and see their family again, it’s all Jean can do to not grab Jeremy and hold him close while the tears keep streaming down his face.
Jean should not have let Jeremy pick the movie. Action would have been much safer, considering the circumstances.
When the movie ends, Jeremy gets a tissue to clean his face, and Jean can’t stop staring at him. Jabberwocky, still close by in case Jeremy needs him, starts licking away his tears in an attempt to comfort him. The sight almost causes Jean to short circuit. He thinks that should be him cleaning Jeremy’s tears, but that would be strange, wouldn’t it? Jeremy is his captain, his partner, never one without the other.
Maybe Jean can cross that line, just this once. Before he can make any further moves toward Jeremy, Jeremy sighs and starts to speak.
“My mom kicked me out. Cut me off. I think I might have to stay here for a while.”
Jean has no idea how to respond. He feels his eyes go wide. On the one hand, of course he’s happy that Jeremy gets to stay with them indefinitely. On the other, Jean knows how much the approval of Jeremy’s family means to him, and their financial situation as a group.
“Oh,” is all Jean can think to say.
“Yeah. We got into it about my future,” Jeremy seems to slump further into the couch as he remembers the afternoon. “Of course my brother was there and had to make it worse by telling her there are teams scouting me for the pros. I tried to placate her a bit but in the end I just couldn’t take it. I told her I’m not going to law school.”
“I-Is that the truth?” Jean asks, a bit shocked to hear Jeremy stood his ground with his family like that.
“I don’t know. I think so. Maybe,” he seems to mull it over again. “I just wish my family was different.”
Jean sees tears start to fall down Jeremy’s cheeks again, and he can’t resist it any longer. He reaches out to Jeremy, who’s only surprised for a second before he lets his head fall into Jean, and the dam breaks open.
Jeremy’s sobs aren’t loud, but Jean can feel it in his whole body, with how his shoulders shake and his breaths turn ragged. Jean squeezes him tighter and feels his own eyes burn. He knows what it’s like to love someone who will never love you back in the same way. Who will only be cruel and keep you around just as long as you’re useful to them. It’s a feeling that lives with you forever. It doesn’t go away, but you learn how to carry it with time. He just wishes Jeremy didn’t have to carry it at all.
This perfect, sunshine boy, deserves a family that will love him and cherish him like a family is meant to. Jean supposes Jeremy has found that in some aspect, in Cat, Laila, and Jab. But it doesn’t make losing your blood family hurt any less. Always waiting for them to change, to be good to you, and being disappointed over and over again. It hurts worse every time, even when you’ve come to expect it.
So Jean holds Jeremy, and lets the tears to flow freely, safe in his arms.
Eventually, the tears subside enough that Jean loosens his grip, but he doesn’t let go just yet.
He hears a muffled, “sorry,” from Jeremy before Jean lays them both back further into the couch.
“Don’t. It’s okay,” Jean assures him, while rubbing small circles into his back.
They stay laying like that for a while, letting the Homeward Bound loading screed play low on a loop in the background. The light from the TV the only thing illuminating the room. Their tea down to the dregs. Jabberwocky at their feet, finally getting a bit of rest.
***
Cat and Laila’s dinner was lovely. They don’t often have a night off, just the two of them, to go out and get dinner. Even if it is just to the noodle place down the street that has the good boba.
They’re laughing when they enter the apartment with their leftovers in tow. They quiet down a bit when they realize how quiet and dark it is. They share a look of confusion before heading into the living room to see if Jean made it home. They spot his hair from over the couch, but he’s not alone.
As they creep closer, they realize Jeremy is there with him, held close, with his head tucked into Jean’s neck like it belongs there. They fit together like puzzle pieces, breathing evenly together, in sync. Jab looks up at Cat and Laila and wags his tail before laying back down.
Giddy, they creep into their room before doing a silent celebration. They cover the boys in a bigger blanket than the little ones they keep by the couch, and fall asleep with the goofiest grins on their faces.
They’re not sure what Jeremy is doing here, but that can wait until tomorrow. Their boys might have finally figured it out.