Chapter Text
Robert was not raised to believe in 'all's well that ends well', and while he has discarded many things he was raised to believe, he keeps this one clutched in a white-knuckled grip because it's fucking true. He was sloppy today, and anything could have happened. Flambae found the kid near water, for fuck's sake.
Chase had helped him calm down about it, the lag had been less than a minute, but the point is that he can do better than that, and he has to. He just... his hands are shaking, and he takes a deep breath, balling them into hard fists and then stretching them wide, once and then twice. Once they're quiet, he knocks on Blazer's door.
"Come in!" she calls, and he does, not sure why he's so tense. She doesn't really seem like the type to yell at people. She hadn't even yelled at Visi for completely fucking up at that doughnut shop. He still can't believe that shit.
Walking into the office, he's struck by how weirdly warm it is. A few potted plants, a golden quality to the lowering light that might have something to do with Blazer, herself... he has no idea what to say, especially when Blazer gives him that dazzling smile. "Hi, Blueknife! Have a good first day?"
"I... came to talk to you about that."
She instantly looks wary, but not of him, more for him, and he's not sure what to do with that. "Sit down," she says. "Are you okay?"
"Nothing like that," he says, taking the offered seat and feeling like she's looking right through his mirror face. It's still a wrench, taking it off to look her in the eye properly. "I wanted to apologize, for my performance today."
"Blueknife, what...? What are you talking about? You've had the best first shift of anyone in the entire program. You did wonderfully today."
"Shouldn't have taken so long to find a consumer-grade location tag," he says. That shaky feeling is coming on again, and he looks down at his hands, willing them not to show it. "I... anything could have happened to him. He could have been anywhere, and I almost didn't find him."
"Hey," Blazer says, very gently. "Look at me." Robert looks up, feeling like he's about to choke. "Everything is all right."
"My father used to say that in this house, 'all's well that ends well' isn't good enough."
"Well, you know what my father used to tell me, Blueknife? That almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." She sighs. "It's unprofessional of me to say, but you look like you need a drink."
Robert chuckles. "It might help. Thank you."
"All I'll ever ask for is your best," she says, and it's so sincere that he has to look away. "Try and get some rest tonight, Blueknife, and just keep doing what you're doing. You're fine."
Robert thanks her and puts his helmet back on so he doesn't have to worry about his face anymore, and it's easier to leave with dignity. He is of course not going to have anything to do with the locker room, and Elliot is kind enough to drive him back to SDN Transitional Housing. Elliot is also kind enough not to say anything about how Robert stinks.
Well, beyond the oblique, "Are you going to be able to get a shower?"
"Late evening seems pretty safe," Robert says. "I've still got wipes, I won't be the guy who smells bad because he's crazy."
Elliot sighs deeply. "We're working on getting you somewhere more private. Of course a shared bathroom is counter-productive for you."
"...So, Blazer knows everything?"
"Not details," Elliot says, weaving into another lane, augments glowing softly. "But enough to know why Chase and I fell out with Robbie, and to understand why you need the things you need." Robert blinks. Blazer hasn't acted the way a lot of people do when they know. "I know," Elliot says, responding to Robert's thoughts in that annoying way he has. "I told you, she's a very special person."
"Starting to think Chase was right," Robert mutters, and Elliot snorts.
"Anyone that much younger would have to pursue me, and I'd still feel like I was taking advantage of their bad judgment," Elliot says, and Robert chuckles.
"I mean, at least you can fix stuff around the house?"
"If the ladies don't find you handsome, they should find you handy," Elliot agrees.
Robert does manage to get a shower that evening, but he's up later than he wants to be. Especially given that he has nothing to do. It's going to take a while to get him cleared to have any personal electronics, and the pile of books and magazines Elliot and Chase have put together isn't very promising. He stretches out on the floor, tries to read back issues of Popular Mechanics, and misses Beef. And waits for all the calling voices and thundering footsteps to go the fuck to bed, so he can finally bathe. He's having to read whole paragraphs over again, focus completely shot, by the time the building is finally quiet.
The bathroom itself isn't too horrible. There are stalls with doors, which is a hell of a lot better than the situation at work. There's space for him to take his mask off, and to get it washed and dried before putting it back in. A lot of people who constantly wear helmets and skull masks and everything have terrible skin, and Robert refuses to be one of them.
Still, it's good to be safely dry and dressed again. Elliot is probably right about physical privacy and his sense of psychological well-being, or whatever. He needs his dog back more than anything, though. It's so hard to fall asleep without Beef's heartbeat in the same room.