Chapter Text
Trudging through the snow, railgun in hand, Uzi had set out to kill the murder drones. Lining the broken roads were warning signs, pointing directly to the murder drones’ lair. The biting wind rushed at her hands and face, whistling like a banshee.
But one thought whispered at the back of her mind, insidious and treasonous.
What if you don’t come back?
Her railgun moved closer to the knot in her stomach.
Dad wouldn’t care. Nobody cares whether I live or die, she thought. They would laugh at me for thinking the doors are STUPID, even if they ARE. They would just say ‘Uzi had it coming, what did you expect?’
The only person who wouldn’t laugh would be Thad. He might be the only one who’d feel something…
The knot remained. Her body felt cold, despite her shirt, beanie, and boots.
The thought kept whispering.
What if you don’t come back?
Uzi whisked it away.
I will come back. Why? Because I got a SICK-ASS railgun that I MADE.
Soon she could see the spire in the distance. The roads had more corpses littered. Warning signs had faded out—probably because no worker dared to replace them.
Suddenly Uzi’s hands let go of the railgun. Uzi watched as her legs, arms, and shoulders gave out. Sparks of yellow lightning sputtered from her limbs. She struggled to keep her eyes open. It felt like she’d pulled three all-nighters…
Uzi went offline.
When she came back online, Uzi felt gravity tug at her shoulders.
The square, metal room had stale air and smelled like oil. Drone oil. The only airflow came from a tall doorway.
Then Uzi looked down.
She wasn’t on the ground. She was hanging from the ceiling.
And she had metal wings. With a syringe-tail that strung her from the ceiling. Uzi blinked. Was this some dream? Were those even her wings? Running her finger along the wing, she felt it, as though she’d always had wings. Now she noticed that her arm—once wiry, resembling a pipe-cleaner—was solid metal.
Uzi rubbed her visor, trying to clear her optics, but her hands changed. Suddenly her hands had metal claws for fingers. Uzi jolted with a yelp.
Her hand covered her mouth.
Her voice was different. It was deeper, like Thad’s.
Okay, she thought. First the new body parts, now the voice. What the hell’s going on? I came here to KILL!
“N!” someone’s voice rang outside. When she walked in, Uzi saw the drone’s two ponytails and JcJenson pen. “What did I say about making quarterly quota? You can’t be slacking on sleep!”
Uzi’s eyes went wide.
Standing before her was a murder drone.
Maybe I did have this coming… she thought with a stab of dread.
The ponytailed drone’s eyes narrowed. “Your eyes are purple,” she clicked her pen, as if searching for the right word. “N, if you wanted to come out of the closet, you could’ve brought it up last meeting.”
“BITE ME!” Uzi instinctively lashed out. But she quickly covered her mouth when she felt something stir beside her…
Another murder drone.
“J…” she said to the ponytailed drone. She squinted, as though she struggled to see clearly. “He’s just dysfunctional sometimes.”
“Whatever, V,” J rolled her eyes, flicking her hair. “Isn’t it convenient how we’re all saying each other’s names?”
Uzi’s visor showed sweating.
J snapped her fingers. “Anyway, since we’re all up, let’s go flying. Hey,” she cocked her head, “maybe we can find worker drones for breakfast.”
FOR BREAKFAST!? a voice protested in Uzi’s head.
“Uh, I’m not feeling hungry,” Uzi avoided looking at them. “Do you have a battery, or… something normal?”
The other two looked at Uzi like she was crazy. “Good one, N—” J crossed her arms— “Haha, not really. V, you coming?”
V dropped down, landing on both feet. She turned back to Uzi. “If I find any batteries, I’ll give them to you.”
The two stepped outside, opened their wings, and flew away with a gust of ice. Uzi, feeling queasy from being upside down, dropped down.
Uzi landed on her back, coughing. Inspecting her wings and tail for damage, she realized that the murder drones had yellow eyes. Yet hers were purple.
She needed a mirror.
Taking the first few steps in a new body, she cursed her long, unwieldy limbs. Outside, a tower of corpses surrounded her.
The knot in her stomach only grew. She hadn’t seen that many corpses, stacked in such a way. Uzi averted her gaze to the white snow. Even that’s too edgy for me… she thought.
Wading around in the snow, she found a full-length mirror and looked through.
Taller than before, her new body had ruffled hair and a cap. Her black coat trailed down to her knees, and below her left shoulder was a yellow armband. She cringed, seeing her lanky proportions.
That’s when she noticed her fangs.
And above those fangs, her signature purple eyes stared at her.
Well, this is just great, Uzi groaned, tapping her teeth, picking at her short hair, questioning the armband. Unsheathing her claws, she had to admit there were benefits, too. She swung the claw like a samurai and his sword from those pirated anime. Her tail sprung into action, jabbing at air like a snake. It’s kinda cool. But still, not as cool as my railgun.
Plus, she BUILT the railgun and felt her chest swell with pride. This new body wasn’t another railgun. It was like a stray cat—you never asked, but somehow it became part of your life.
Yet the stomach knot never went away.
Who would they see, now that you’ve become… this?
Her shoulders tensed up. She tried whisking away the thought. I don’t care about what they think! I’m going to show up with a head in each hand, and they BETTER be grateful.
Uzi looked into the mirror, seeing a different person. She extended and retracted her claws. Claws extended, she practiced the decapitating swipe again and again. Was she an executioner? She shook her head. If she intended to kill the murder drones, she’d either have to kill them in this weird body or back in her normal self with the railgun. She could barely walk without feeling weird.
Even if I’d kill to be a murder drone, she thought, I’d still have to go back somehow…
Wait! If she switched bodies while offline, then maybe going offline switched back. But that also meant some murder drone named N was in her body!
She shivered from the thought.
Uzi found a comfy spot in the snow, laid down, and went offline.
On the other hand, N woke up cold. Had he fallen into the snow? Rubbing his eyes and sitting up, that’s when he noticed.
His arms were wiry, like pipe cleaners.
However, his first thought wasn’t that it was a dream, or a body swap, or anything like that.
Biscuits… he thought. Did V and J pull a prank on me again? Oh, I know I shouldn’t’ve slept first!
Inspecting his body, he noticed his new beanie, black shirt, boots, and knee-high socks. He was surprised they didn’t give him a clown or maid outfit like last time. A gust of wind almost knocked him over. His arms curled close to his stomach.
V and J care about me, he thought, though his twitchy fingers said otherwise. If this is a prank, then there has to be a way out! Yes, it’s not like they’d… eat my parts and leave me… It’s just one of J’s ‘team-bonding activities.’
Then he noticed a green glow in the snow. Digging the patch, he found a railgun.
His hands picked it up, drawing it close to his stomach. The glowing green substance inside was slightly warm.
Okay, if this was a tool, it’d probably be a puzzle piece! he thought. The railgun contained the green substance inside a glass tube. That’s where he saw his worker drone reflection. He had no wings, no tail. He had long, purple hair. But his eyes were still yellow.
Where was V? N cupped his hands around his mouth. “V!” his voice sounded high-pitched.
His breath snagged in his throat. Oh, biscuits. This is some… interesting prank.
What if he could never return to his old body? Last time, the maid dress was an addition, not a subtraction of his parts. V and J laughed at him for a while, but eventually they helped him take it off.
N felt his face. Would they even know he was N? Wouldn’t they just eat him? Wouldn’t they—
N whisked away that train of thought. He shouldn’t think like that about his friends! It was a prank. That was the easiest solution.
He looked for the ‘deliverable’ (as J called it), aka ‘corpse-wall-thingies’ (as he called it). Seeing the spire in the distance, he trudged forward in his new, short limbs. He kept close to the ground, as the wind could knock him over like a piece of paper. Railgun close to his stomach, he approached the spire that now loomed taller than before.
Uzi came online to a noise. When she stumbled up, she stepped on her tail. Uzi yelped, grabbing the tail and trying to soothe the pain.
Right. She was still in another body…
Darting behind a car, she expected to see V and J in the distant fog. Instead, she saw a green glow. Her railgun. And holding that railgun was herself, though with yellow eyes.
Uzi bolted past the car, hand outstretched. “That’s mine!”
N only had the time to blink.
Her hand slapped N in the face.
“Did you just slap me with my hand?” N tilted his head, pointing a finger.
Holy crap, it can talk, Uzi thought. Hands on her hips, she eyed her impostor head to toe. And he’s clueless, like, he’s just ACCEPTED the fact that he’s in MY body.
“Give my body back,” Uzi unleashed her claws, wings, and tail like a scorpion. “AND the railgun.”
Uzi’s claws yanked at N’s railgun.
N flinched, railgun only creeping closer to his stomach. “H-How!? Th-this is my only key for the prank!”
Uzi stopped pulling, but her claw remained. “A prank? Wha— HOW could this be a simple prank? Clearly, somehow, we’ve swapped bodies!”
“V and J are a little… quirky sometimes,” N scratched his head. “But they respect me because I’m the leader of the group—” he whispered, hand next to his mouth— “that’s not true. They play pranks all the time and call me useless…”
Uzi’s tail lowered. Her gaze softened slightly. “I can tell…”
“I-I shouldn’t have said that,” N ran fingers through his longer hair. “But honesty is the best policy!” he raised his hand, waving away any concerns. “And to be honest, I don’t know how to get our bodies back. But I’m sure this issue will resolve itself!”
Uzi’s shoulders slanted. She sighed. N was too passive! She dragged him into the corpse-tower, into the escape pod at the center. She sat him in a chair but remained standing herself. Now in a private place to speak, Uzi raised her tail. “Let’s make a… pact!” she snapped her fingers. “A pact to get our bodies back and MURDER THE ABSOLUTE—” her visor showed exclamation signs— “OUT OF THEM!”
N glanced to the side. His hands tightened around the chair. “I don’t think they’d like that…”
“That’s kinda the whole POINT,” Uzi crossed her arms. “So they’ll know how we feel.”
“But still—”
Uzi stormed outside. Her hands balled into fists. Why did she have to work with this deadweight? If N was actually competent and CARED about his body, they’d be ten steps ahead!
She leaped for the sky, ready to do it all alone.
In two seconds, she fell into the snow.
N crept out of the capsule, railgun tucked to his stomach. He winced, seeing Uzi claw the snow and curse the whole situation. N crouched down next to her.
“Flying calms me down,” he said. “Can I help you fly?”
“BITE ME. I’m calm!” Uzi picked at her wings, “But that DOES sound sick…” At the very least, it’d help her get used to this new body.
Over the next couple of hours, N taught Uzi to properly flap her wings and stay in the air. Sprinkled throughout was dialogue about their lives.
“My dad, I swear, it’s like he has a FETISH for doors,” Uzi flew in circles. “He thinks that the problem doesn’t exist if he doesn’t see it. But it’s STUPID. We’re just waiting to die! At least use that time to build a weapon or something.”
N sat in the snow, listening like a puppy. “Can I… ask you something a bit more personal?”
“Shoot.”
“Does your dad care that you’re… out here?”
Uzi’s shoulders slanted. The knot in her stomach slightly loosened. “No. I told him it’s a school project to inspect the doors. And he was so happy that I FINALLY took after him.”
“Oh…” N looked at the ground. “That sounds…” he searched for the word but couldn’t find one.
“Sad?” Uzi raised an eyebrow.
N nodded.
“Anyway,” she quickly changed the subject, “what about you? How are your… teammates?”
N scratched his head. “Well… I think J only cares about the company. Every meeting is always about kills. And since V gets more kills than me, J always compares me to her. But as long as I’m still in the team, I’ll be alright!”
Uzi looked aside. “I see…” She thought about her own father’s expectations. In a way, V to J was the same as doors to her father. “And what about V?”
A small blush appeared on N’s face. “I do secretly have a crush on her—” then his eyes went wide— “BUT YOU CAN’T TELL HER, OKAY?”
Uzi blinked. She looked at N, surprised by the sudden confession. Closing her lips, she ran her finger along like a zipper. Lips sealed, she nodded and held two thumbs up.
But she didn’t look where she was headed. Careening for the wall of corpses, all she could do was brace for impact.
N jolted, leaping to catch her. But he miscalculated, becoming a sandwich between the wall and Uzi.
CRASH!
Uzi landed in the snow. With twitching fingers she rubbed her head, groaning. Her head spun, vision slightly blurry. She coughed, blinking. Where was N?
Then she heard hissing. Someone tried to stifle their groans from behind her. Uzi’s tail instinctively curled close, but it snagged on something. Uzi looked behind.
The tip of her tail poked through N’s hand. The yellow syringe oozed nanites that burned N’s right hand. Reflexively, N yanked the syringe out and popped the hand in his mouth. But that only spread the nanites to his tongue. “Saliva…” he said, tongue feeling like a slab of stone.
Uzi’s eyes widened.
“Disassembly drone saliva,” they said together.
Uzi’s visor started sweating. N glanced away. “Sorry,” he mumbled, “V or J could—”
Uzi grabbed his hand and put it in her mouth. Then she yanked his head and kissed him, making sure her tongue got every bit of his. Then she pulled away, a string of saliva connecting their mouths.
“Thank you,” N’s tongue felt normal now.
“We are NEVER talking about this,” Uzi wiped her mouth. “A-And it’s just me kissing myself. Self-love’s IMPORTANT.”
It was purely transactional, Uzi assured herself. I screwed up, and I fixed it.
Self-love… N thought. He could use some more of that. “Consider it… repressed!” he said to Uzi.
Now Uzi looked at her wings, tail, and body. Under her eyes showed stress marks. “Do you think we’ll be stuck in these bodies forever?”
N rubbed his wiry arm. “I’d hope not. Mr. Uzi would think something is wrong with me… uh, technically you.”
Uzi motioned for N to follow her. “I need to… show you something about my body.”
They went over to the full-length mirror. N looked at himself. But his right eye changed. A strange, three-pronged symbol replaced it. The mirror cracked, making N flinch and cover his eye. “B-Biscuits…” he looked at Uzi. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
Uzi waved her hand. “Stop saying sorry,” she approached his eye and pried his fingers to see. As if talking to the eye, she said, “Not today, ROBO SATAN!”
N blinked. His right eye returned to normal. He gave a smile as thanks. “Well, I’m sure that won’t be a problem later!”
Then they heard wingbeats. V and J were returning.
N’s face turned pale. “I’m a worker drone…”
Uzi yanked N by the shoulder, pointing to the direction of the colony. “I’ll deal with them. Your name is Uzi Doorman, and you’re really edgy.”
She found the railgun and gave it to him.
N’s hands were quivering. “What if V and J did the prank? Can’t we explain to—”
“It’s probably not a prank,” Uzi pointed to her eyes. “They asked me why my eyes were purple.”
N wet his lips. But he didn’t say another word. He ran off into the fog.
Uzi turned away, hand against her stomach.
The stomach knot was gone.
V and J landed on the capsule in a gust of ice. J licked the oil from her lips and fingers. V tossed Uzi a battery. Uzi caught it, though not before a warning appeared in her vision. A red dialogue box:
‘RISK OF OVERHEATING. [ACQUIRE OIL FROM WORKER DRONES]’
That’s why they… Uzi connected the dots. God, that’s more horror than edgy, she felt queasy.
V’s eyes had turned into a yellow X. “By the way, there’s a worker drone out there I kinda wanna practice balloon shapes on.”
Uzi’s tail flicked. She turned back, seeing a trail of footprints where N had gone. She started to run. “I need to… take care of something real quick!”
J scoffed as Uzi ran. “He looks adorable when he runs… adorable like a puppy.”
“BITE ME!” Uzi shouted back.
N ran past littered corpses and warning signs. Previously he wouldn’t have given a second glance. Splattered oil, ripped entrails, ripped heads. V liked making a mess, and J loved stacking them on her deliverable.
But now he was prey. He glanced at his railgun. Dangerous prey.
Would J see him as a traitor?
What would V think of him?
Soon he came to the colony’s door. After three knocks, it opened. Standing before N was a drone with a mustache and a wrench in his hand. His face was stern.
“Uzi.”
He must be Uzi’s dad, N thought. Er, well, now my dad…
“Uh, hi, Dad,” N (as Uzi) moved the railgun behind his back. “I learned so much about the doors firsthand!”
Khan Doorman blinked. “Well, that’s nice, Uzi,” he said, “but you’re in a happy mood, and your eyes are yellow. Did something happen during your inspection?”
N blinked. Right. I have to act edgy, he reminded himself. Then his visor displayed glasses, and he crossed his arms. “Nope. That was something called masking. Anyway, my walk was terrific, thank you for asking!” N stepped inside, past Khan.
Khan sighed. Perhaps this was one of his daughter’s many phases. He turned around to follow his ‘daughter,’ but something snagged his eye.
“Did you bring any friends?”
N turned around. In the fog, as a pale white shadow, Uzi (as N) stood with blades for hands. N turned back to Khan. “I… uh… made a friend!”
Khan felt as though his knees would collapse. Stumbling to the control panel, he whipped out his keycard and slapped it against the reader. The doors slammed. But they didn’t shut. Metal claws dug into the metal. Through the gap between the doors, two purple eyes peered through. Four other doormen, who were just playing Gin Rummy a moment ago, turned pale.
“HEY!” Uzi yelled at them. “You’re supposed to be WORKING.”
With those words, she slid her tail through, past N’s face, and stabbed the buttons on the control panel. Yellow fluid leaked through, corroding the electronics with a sizzling sound. An alarm sounded. All the doors opened. Uzi cocked her head at her dad.
“See?” she smiled, eyes turning into a purple X. “Your doors are STUPID. You shouldn’t have just WAITED for me to slaughter you.”
Khan Doorman’s face fell. Everything in his life, all he had built, all thrown away with those words. The other workers ran. All Khan could do was grab N (as Uzi) by the shoulder and run.
Then Uzi heard wingbeats in the distance. She looked back outside with wide eyes, seeing two shadows from the fog.
I have to find a way to stall them, she thought. The ventilation shafts lead into the colony.
I ruined everything, she thought with a stab of guilt. Her tail flicked anxiously. Just so I could show my dad how STUPID he was…
Khan heard a squelch. His daughter’s shoulder wasn’t in his hand anymore. He heard something metallic drop. He paused midstep. He turned.
Pinned to the wall, N felt the stinging, metal blade slide deeper into his left shoulder. The railgun had dropped, landing at Khan’s feet. Uzi glanced back, seeing V and J come ever closer. “They’re coming,” she whispered to N. She had to maintain her identity as a murder drone.
Uzi turned to Khan Doorman, her father. “HEY! Your daughter’s dying here. Why don’t you be a good father…
“And pick up that railgun?”
Khan’s fingers twitched. His knees and chest stiffened. First it was Nori, now it was his daughter…
Her father turned on his heel, “I’m sorry, Uzi…” and shut the door with his remote.
Uzi’s blade slowly slid out of N’s shoulder, falling to her side. Uzi’s eyes went wide. What was even the purpose of the doors, if it meant you couldn’t save the ones you loved? Uzi felt a knifing pain in her heart. She shouldn’t have opened the doors to prove anything.
Even if it meant she believed in love that was never there…
N looked at Uzi, expression dimming. “You weren’t joking about your father…”
The wingbeats stopped. Two thumps on the snow. Metallic heels spoke from behind. Thinking quickly, Uzi tossed N into a bin and faced the others as a murder drone.
“Woah, N,” J sauntered close to Uzi. “Either I’m dreaming, or you finally did something useful for once.”
Listening from the bin, N thought: She remembers my name? My ONE letter name!?
“I’ve been trying to get past those doors for months,” V added. “Nice work!”
Uzi gave an awkward grin. “Right…” Not wanting to kill innocent people (even if their words were grating), she headed for the exit. “Well, I can’t seem to get past this last door. Maybe we should try again another time?”
V pointed at the ceiling, which had a vent. “These ventilation shafts can easily get us past that last door.” With that, her wings and blades came out. “Lowest body count eats a missile!” she leaped up and into the vents.
Biscuits… is that who I’ve been this whole time? N wondered, for he was never on the receiving end of his team’s slaughter.
Meanwhile, J gave Uzi a hearty tap on the shoulder. “Way to go, stud. With this colony wiped, we’ll make top team for sure! You know what that means—” J produced a JcJenson pen, clicking it— “branded pe-enns!”
J tossed the pen to Uzi, who took it but had questions. “Great… but then what? Like, what happens AFTER we make top team?”
J’s eyes narrowed. “Is this another rambling, or do you actually have a point?”
Uzi gesticulated with the pen. “My point is—say we kill all the workers on Copper-9. Then what? We just sit here and DIE? Where’s the reward? What’s the ACTUAL point of all this? Why can’t we make peace or—”
J gripped Uzi by the neck, pressing her against the wall. Uzi dropped the pen, her hands grasping J’s. But J’s grip only squeezed tighter, bruising Uzi’s neck.
“Y’know, ever since your visor turned purple, you’ve been acting rebellious. Questioning the company? Questioning our food? Just because you came out of the closet doesn’t mean I’ll treat you any different. And besides—”
J scowled— “We know you’ve been with a worker drone. Don’t act like we can’t see their tracks.”
Uzi’s eyes went wide. Her hand flipped into a blade, but J was quicker. She plunged something into Uzi’s navel port. Uzi felt a jolt of pain, her visor showing warning messages. Looking down, Uzi saw J activate a shutdown sequence.
“You just gave me the excuse I needed,” J pulled the port, dropping Uzi. Uzi fell on her knees before J, who spread her wings. “Worker drones are corrupted, N. I hate to see you corrupted too.”
“B-BITE—” Uzi’s audio started corrupting— “M-ME!” she fell on the ground, facing the ceiling.
J scoffed, flying into the ventilation shaft. Silence stood for a moment, until the bin rustled and N came out. He took the railgun, tucking it against his stomach. “Biscuits,” he sat next to Uzi. “I never knew J would just… It’s like she never cared. I’m sorry for the awkward moment…”
Uzi’s visor showed error messages and glitching. “T-That was t-the lamest heel turn in h-history,” she said. “And I d-doomed the w-whole colony. M-Morality says we’re both b-bad.”
‘[I’M LITERALLY ABOUT TO DIE]’ read Uzi’s visor.
N yelped. “How do I fix this? HOW DO I FIX THIS!?”
Inside the colony, most drones had hidden behind rubble. Only a group clustered in the middle around Khan Doorman. The two murder drones ripped and tore through a body like butter. Then they turned to the group.
Khan raised a finger. “So, they found our evacuation spot. But if we build a quick door—”
Thad, a drone with a t-shirt and backwards cap, picked up a pipe. “You’re the W-D-F, right? DEFEND!”
No muscle moved. Thad scoffed, turning back to the ponytailed drone. But V swept from above, skewering his chest, and threw him to the ground. She gripped his neck, holding him up to her fangs. Thad shied away.
“HEY!” a voice called from behind. “PUT THAT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE MALE DOWN!”
Everyone’s eyes moved. Standing at the end was N and Uzi, both in secretly swapped bodies. N (as Uzi) had his hand over his right eye. Uzi (as N) stood tall with bladed hands like an assassin. She nudged N in the elbow. As planned, they’d act in each other’s shoes.
Uzi pointed at J, acting as N. “J! You’re always mean to me! And when I question ONE thing, you throw me out like—like a PIECE OF—”
That’s when N felt bad, his hand lowering Uzi’s arm. Still he gave a grateful glance at Uzi.
J’s clawed hands picked at her teeth. They moved to her hips. “Noted, traitor. We’ll circle back after I rectify your existence.” Both murder drones approached, arms spread as a provocation.
Uzi turned to N. “Which one do you want?”
“J, please,” N winced.
Uzi handed N the JcJenson pen. “The railgun’s point-and-shoot.”
Then she turned back to the killing machine named V. “BITE ME!”
The two murder drones darted forward, swords clashing. Parrying with her right, Uzi flipped her left into a machine gun and sprayed. Rat-tat-tat— V flew into the air, evading like a serpent. Her arm turned into a missile launcher and fired.
Whzzzz— Uzi rolled out of the way. The deadly whizzing passed harmlessly by. But V seized the opportunity and lunged with her pointed blade.
Meanwhile, N stood at the door as J approached. He raised his railgun. J’s blade remained at her side. “I’ve had prey stand up to me before,” she cocked her head. “You have a lot of guts.”
N shook his head. “I have a lot of constructive criticism!”
J slid across the floor as if it was an ice rink. Her hand flipped into a machine gun and fired. A bullet struck N in the leg, making him fall to the ground. He lost grip of the railgun. J stood over him and placed her heel on his neck. “I could just—GAH!”
N threw the pen at her visor, cracking it. J wailed, reeling backward, as yellow liquid and oil spurted out of the wound. “Curse the well-made, quality-assured durability of JcJenson products!” her hand reached for the pen.
He got back on his feet and rushed her, plunging the pen deeper. Holding the pen like a dagger, he slashed down ward, ripping J’s face in half. Liquids coated N’s face, and he wiped them off. J fell, visor stuttering and displaying warnings. N stood over her.
“You’re sometimes kind of mean, and I really wish you weren’t. Just some constructive criticism.”
Then he went back and picked up the railgun to help Uzi with V. Those two were still clashing in the sky.
But J’s face regenerated with a grin. The pen fell out, dinking on the floor. Her hand transformed into an EMP emitter. Raising it above her head, she created a blue ball of electricity and released it. A shockwave. N’s visor showed a warning sign. His knees gave out.
He went offline.
Above, Uzi struggled to match V’s tight turns and speed. Uzi’s wings felt heavy and clumsy. On the other hand, V was like a ballerina, performing a dance of death. One moment V swung from the front, and the next moment V appeared from behind.
Then Uzi saw N on the ground, offline.
“N!” Uzi saw.
V lunged with the point, ever the opportunist. Uzi barely managed to catch it. The blades scraped, sparks of metal flying. Then Uzi remembered what N had said: “I do secretly have a crush on her.”
“Repress this!” Uzi extended her tongue and licked V’s blade.
V recoiled and curled up. “Ew! What the hell!”
Uzi kicked V to the floor and flew for N.
Below, N came back online. He reached for the railgun. J kicked it away, cackling. “You’ve got a lot of guts for a barely sentient toaster—”
J’s visor read ‘PLAYING:// BestMonologueEver.mp3’— “I’ve had prey fight back before, but your fighting spirit is just so…” she tapped her chin, thinking of the right words. That’s when N thought about what Uzi always said: ‘Bite me!’
He sunk his teeth into J’s foot.
“… so painful!?” she jolted. N grabbed her tail and stuck the syringe in her other foot. J hopped back on one foot, holding the other. “GAH! Fourth quarter profits! Mother of company leadership retreats!”
J fell on her back. N appeared above, railgun aimed at her head. “Please stop saying things we don’t understand.”
J shied away from the railgun. “Equity partnersh—”
A green, bright beam incinerated her upper body. It left a black stain on the floor, where her torso used to be. N flinched. “W-Wait! My finger slipped! I’m not ready to be a murderer!”
His visor flashed a red warning symbol. He lost his balance, slipping. But Uzi caught him and put him on her shoulders.
From every crevice of the colony, workers popped out and started cheering, clapping, celebrating. From the crowd in front, Thad stepped forward. “Holy hell, Uzi! That was insane!” his eyes went to the murder drone (Uzi). “And you too, uh…”
“N,” Uzi replied, sharing a knowing look with N.
“I’m an angsty, disassem—uh, I mean, worker drone—now,” N said from Uzi’s shoulders.
Someone cleared their throat, stepping forward. The crowd parted, revealing Khan Doorman. He fiddled with his fingers, not meeting their gazes. Both N and Uzi crossed their arms. Uzi threw a wrench at her father’s feet. It landed with a clang.
“I almost KILLED your daughter, and you left her for DEAD!” Uzi growled. “Instead of just believing in her.
“And that’s not even an edgy teen hyperbole like I—I mean Uzi—said it last week!” Uzi’s eyes had stress marks under them, with slumped brows above. Her visor reading ‘[EDGE LEVELS CRITICALLY LOW]’ She slapped herself across the face. ‘[EDGE LEVELS RESTORED]’
N spoke up. “I brought the murder drones accidentally,” he added. “But I had the railgun and the way to fix it. Plus,” N looked at Uzi, “I said she—er, he, N—was my friend!
“I’m sorry. If you were just there for me…” N’s voice trailed off. “Just some constructive criticism.”
N whisked his hand. “I banish myself.”
Uzi turned to leave. “Everyone can BITE US.” Dragging V, Uzi extended her wings and took off. She shot through the ceiling, punching a hole.
Khan Doorman watched with bated breaths. His trembling hand slowly raised the ‘#1 DAD’ mug to his mouth. He sipped. In the back of his mind, he thought about how desperate Uzi must’ve been to befriend a murder drone! But another thought appeared, the voice of truth.
Why did Uzi and N confuse each other’s names?
N sat on the roof of a car, watching the sunrise. “Disassembly drones are allergic to sunlight,” he explained to Uzi. “The sun is so warm… It feels like I’m supposed to have some important character growth or something!”
Uzi watched from the safety of the corpse-tower. “I’m just thinking about our pact, and what we’ll do to the person who did this,” she grinned with fangs, “Cause we’re comin’ for them.”
At night, N reflected on his actions today. He paced around in the snow courtyard inside the corpse-tower. Besides killing his former employer J (in another body, too!), he held another concern.
His hand drew up to his right eye.
N approached the cracked mirror. He pulled a shard out, holding it up to his face. Then he uncovered his eye. The three-pronged symbol appeared. Shattering the shard into dust, N watched as the sprinkles fluttered to his feet.
“Biscuits…”
He crept back to his old sleeping place. Uzi slept on the ground, while V was tied up in the escape pod. Since V was the perceptive type, did she figure it out yet?
Would he have the chance to tell her?
Then he looked at Uzi. Her body rose and fell. It looked like she was already accustomed to her new body. Would they be stuck like this permanently? Him, stuck with ‘Robo Satan?’
N laid down in the snow. He closed his eyes and went offline.
“Don’t worry, N,” a familiar, female voice said.
“You are in the perfect body.”