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Years ago, back when they were still Young Justice to news outlets, back when Tim was still Alvin Draper to the team, and back when he and Conner were still tentatively friendly and yet at each other’s throats every thirty seconds (according to the girls, at least), Bart had started taking videos.
Tim had understood why, of course. Everything he’d ever known, everything he was ever taught, had been, up to a few months before, been experienced through a screen. It made sense that he’d want to put his new life into a screen too.
It hadn't stopped Tim from bellowing at him about secrets and useless risk of information time after time, but he still got it.
And, well, no one had ever managed to outstubborn Tim Drake before he met Bart and Conner. The girls undoubtedly could, but they hadn’t been the first. Bart was resilient, and while he didn't like getting yelled at, it hadn't been enough to discourage him from both filming the team and keeping the videos.
This was how the Drive came to be.
Bart had decided to upload his videos to a shared drive that included the entire group.
Tim had taken it down the moment he found it. And then Bart had made a new one. And then he did it again.
And again. And again and again and againandagainand--
He managed to outstubborn Tim. No matter how many automatic programs he made to wipe Bart’s drive off the face of the earth, no matter how many times Tim remotely fried Bart’s electronics, no matter how many times Tim tried to get the team to gang up on him, none of it worked.
Eventually, once he’d managed to secure a promise from Bart (that Tim eventually freed him from) that he wouldn't film anything with mentions of secret identities or confidential information or anything of the like, he’d decided to help encrypt the shared drive instead of destroying it.
So he’d laid down digital protection on both the folders and everyone’s devices and made damn sure the drive couldn’t be accessed from an unsecured device.
And then Bart had read the entirety of the San Francisco Public Library, which led to a pretty fair understanding of coding. So the two of them had fiddled with the drive until the file comments sent notifications to everyone’s phones.
Before long, it was a groupchat in all but name.
Nowadays they mostly used it to keep up with the retired members of Young Justice, which made it perfect for announcing things.
The first of these saved videos began something like this:
The camera shook as whoever was holding it giggled, everything in frame blurry and wobbling until it finally stabilized, focusing on Robin, sitting on a barstool and bent in half over an unfamiliar countertop. He was the source of the loud, boisterous laughter that had overlaid the video since it began.
He paused, tried to say something, looked out of frame, and cracked up all over again, fist slamming down twice on the counter.
The camera suddenly whirled to the right, showing an girl in a black wig and goggles. Wonder Girl. The first iteration of the second version, of course.
“I've never seen Robin laugh before,” she whispered, shielding her mouth as if telling the camera a secret.
“I saw him do an evil cackle once,” another girl said, this one blonde. Arrowette. “But not like, a happy laugh.”
“Vlog!” the voice behind the camera hollered, adding to the commotion at all angles. The camera spun, showing a brightly-smiling Impulse.
“For future me, Superboy showed up to the mountain in pink glasses, and Robin hasn't stopped laughing since he saw him!”
“Not just pink glasses,” the blonde girl said, taking the camera from him. Robin was still laughing loudly in the background, starting to wheeze for breath. “They were heart-shaped, the frame-free kind, and he said it was because he just found out what Pride Month was and he wanted to show his support.”
Another face appeared, almost translucent. It made her soft features look even more child-like. She sounded nervous. Secret. “Superboy was kind of mad at first. I think he thought Robin was being homophobic. That's anti-love, right?”
“Right, Susie!”
“Yeah,” the misty girl said. “I don't think Robin is homophobic, though. I don't know why he's laughing so much.”
Off-camera, the laughter started to die down as a horrific gasp for air cut through a trickle of chuckles.
A loud thud cut them all off, and the camera panned over to Robin, who was wiping his eyes from the floor.
“Oh man,” he said, cutting himself off with a little snicker. “Boy, I needed that. God.”
In a split-second, the camera was inches away from Robin’s green mask, focused on it from above.
“Robin!” Impulse said loudly. “Why was--”
The video cut off.
wondy: oh my god we were all so tiny
wondy: how were we allowed to do anything?
almostkilledbystarfire: The memory of those sunglasses is almost enough to set me off again. Those were the days
almostkilledbystarfire: KON
almostkilledbystarfire: Stop Changing My Name
baldbytwenty: you definitely still evil cackle
baldbytwenty: rob i am going to find you.
almostkilledbystarfire: Do it.
ABANDONER: stop arguing in the file comments you dumbasses
wondy: and we all know the rule, no changing your name, ROB, somebody else has to do it
almostkilledbystarfire: So then change it?
ABANDONER: and mine too while you’re at it
wondy: why would i do that?
The video opened to the living room of Mount Justice, Robin sitting crosslegged on an ugly green shag carpet. Arrowette, in full costume, was painting his ungloved fingernails black, while Wonder Girl and Secret watched from beside her. “I really can’t believe you’re letting us paint your nails, Robin,” Arrowette said, nudging him with her shoulder as she dipped the brush back into the bottle. “Superboy was such a pill when we asked him.”
“I mean, I don’t really care. My girlfriend’s done it like twice now, and so long as I scrub it off before school, it doesn’t bother me.”
The girls perked up as a unit, and Robin went tense.
“Girlfriend?” Wonder Girl echoed, a glint appearing in her eyes. “How come you never mentioned you were dating?”
“It… never came up? Superboy’s had girlfriends too.”
“Yeah, but Superboy’s… Superboy, y’know? He’s a massive flirt. You’d expect it from him. You’re a surprise.”
“Ouch? I think?”
“We don’t mean it like that,” Arrowette said with a roll of her eyes. “You’re just kind of broody. Mysterious. It works for some people, must work for your secret girlfriend.”
Robin’s face went pink.
“I’m not… not broody and mysterious,” he insisted. “I’m just--”
“Mysterious,” Arrowette finished. “Don’t deny it, Robin, the whole secret identity thing kind of lends itself to mystery whether you want it to or not.”
“I guess I can sort of see--” His mask lenses squinted at the camera just as his lips curled to let out a growl. “Impulse! I told you making videos was f--”
The footage ended abruptly.
baldbytwenty: wait so which girlfriend was this? spoiler?
shhhhh: ugh
almostkilledbystarfire: no, this was before steph. her name was ariana, i dont think any of you ever met her. she was my first girlfriend
ABANDONER: aw young love
almostkilledbystarfire: Someone please change this name i hate it
wondy: ariana’spolishtester ?
almostkilledbystarfire: 1) Horrible name 2) Steph will kill me
baldbytwenty: since when does she have access to these? it is pretty bad tho
almostkilledbystarfire: She doesn’t but she will find it and then end my life
“Ugh,” Wonder Girl groaned, flipping the page of a magazine. She was resting on an ugly green shag carpet, feet up as she laid on her stomach.
Yelling could be heard from another room.
“Robin and Superboy are fighting again,” she told whoever was holding the camera with a roll of her eyes.
“They're starting to get on my nerves,” a dark-skinned girl agreed from beside her. “Cissie’s been getting fed up, though, so that's why we told you to start another video.”
“I bet it's gonna be funny.”
“You know it.”
The camera wobbled a little, moving smoothly toward a doorway, where Robin and Superboy could be seen in the same kitchen as before.
Robin was leaning over the counter, an angry finger extended in Superboy’s direction.
“--a million times to stop moving me around with your stupid TTK!” Robin snapped. “I'm completely useless if something happens while you're holding me.”
“Try ungluing that nasty Batarang-shaped stick up your ass,” Superboy retorted, just as pissed off. His arms were folded, and he loomed a few inches over Robin, presumably floating on the other side of the counter. “I was coming to get some cereal, not rob your house! You'll be fine for two seconds!”
“Like we've been fine all the other times you've been caught off-guard?! I'm always on alert because no one else around here ever is!”
“Oh my God,” Superboy groaned, sliding a hand down his face. “Do you ever let that go? We got drugged one time. Nobody's gonna invade the mountain in the two seconds it takes me to slap a hand on your shoulder and float you out of my way.”
“It's not--”
“I'm going to slap you both out of my way if you don't quit it with all the yelling!” the blonde girl from the first video bellowed, storming in from another doorway. She grabbed Robin by the scruff of his cape and shook him lightly.
“You two are driving us all nuts!” Arrowette released a wide-eyed Robin and jabbed a furious finger into Superboy’s chest. “And you! Quit it with the TTK all the damn time! You know Robin doesn't like it, so knock it off! Even Bart knows you're doing it on purpose by now!”
Robin stuck up his middle finger at Superboy from behind her back.
“It's pretty obvious, Kon,” Wonder Girl piped up, not visible to the camera. Superboy deflated a little.
“And another thing-!”
“Oh shit,” someone whispered.
The screen went dark.
ABANDONER: damn i looked good
hicksvillecalling: still do, cis 😘
wondy: Conner Kent i am RIGHT HERE
hicksvillecalling: baby i’m kiddingggg you looked so hot in that wig
ABANDONER: cassie i love you so so much but that boy is lying from his SOUL
shhhh: Cassie she’s telling you the truth, sorry Kon!!
hicksvillecalling: my closest friends are turning on me
worldssecondgreatest: For good reason, Kon
hicksvillecalling: i’m calling batman on you
“See, guys, this makes a good video,” Robin said, grinning ear-to-ear as he held the camera out and up, like a selfie, panning around to show several other costumed teenagers slumped in the back of some sort of plane-cycle. They looked like they were in the air, and the wind was loud against the camera. “Hey Superboy, say hi.”
“Fuck off,” the other boy grumbled.
The blonde girl that had yelled at the two in the earlier video stuck her head in frame, whispering loudly. “He's mad ‘cause the hero we met wasn't a creep and didn't want to date him.”
“Shut up, Cissie.”
“Are you silencing me?” she asked. “God forbid a woman do anything.”
A scowl settled on Superboy’s face, and he was turning around in his seat to say something else to her when a girl in gold and fuschia gripped his arm and forced him back forward.
“No fighting, man,” Empress said tiredly as she let go. “Just let it be. We're all tired.”
“Boy Wonder looks like he’s full of laughs,” Superboy snapped.
“Light and good cheer, that’s me,” Robin said sarcastically.
“No, but really, you are in a weirdly good mood for you, Robin.”
Robin shrugged. “Not much to be in a bad one about. We just wiped a villain group off the face of the Earth and are heading back to base to get pizza. So c’mon, Superboy, sulk further in frame.”
Superboy’s eyes flashed, and Robin let out a bright laugh, ducking as Superboy lunged up out of his seat.
The other passengers shrieked as the plane-car was jostled.
Wonder Girl snatched Superboy up in a chokehold and yanked him backwards.
One of his feet hit the camera, and a loud curse word was heard as the camera went flying.
dollythesheep: god you were an ass
wondy: were?
betsybadass: were?
ABANDONER: were?
stickmeetass: You’re all horrible and I hope you wake up with ranch dressing smeared on your mattresses
Kid Flash, Allen, not West, was in frame, his face the only thing that could be seen. He was beaming.
“First video as a Teen Titan! New digs! I stole Rob’s phone so I could take a video of my room, but I wasn't recording so we’re going into Rob’s room!”
“And I’m here so he doesn't break anything and get murdered,” Superboy added.
“Why are you two idiots in my room?”
With matching shrieks, Kid Flash and Superboy whipped around to see Robin standing in the doorway, arms crossed.
ABANDONER: did you kill them??
stickmeetass: I wish
Robin’s head turned. “Are you fucking filming this right now?” he demanded of Superboy.
Instead of Superboy answering, Kid Flash piped up from the driver’s seat. “Future me will want to see this! It can go with the vlogs!”
“Future you will have already seen this!” Robin snapped back, snatching the camera out of Superboy's hands. “No evidence!”
The screen went dark.
shhhh: is this It??
santakiller: yes!!! it was all rob would let me get :(
santakiller: hey!!! we ALL killed santa, why am i taking the blame?
santakiller: guys?
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Cissie opened with, this time sans costume, holding the camera away from herself to show her surroundings. A large, well-cushioned room with four people sprawled out on what looked to be couch pillows that were laid out on the ground among blankets, bowls of popcorn, and other junk food. Around and between the snacks were Bart, Cassie, Conner, and Anita, none of whom were in costume. “Welcome to the first annual Young Justice Reunion, hosted by yours truly, the lovely Cissie King-Jones.”
“More of a support group, honestly,” Anita snorted, Cassandra leaning over to whap her with a pillow.
“You’re so negative, Anita,” Tim said, though he wasn’t visible.
As one unit, all five heads whipped to the side, varying expressions of outrage on their faces.
“I know you’re not--”
“Rob, you have lost your mind--”
“King Pessimist has no room to ever talk--!”
“Me?!”
“Tim, your face pops up when you google the word ‘negative’--”
“Okay, okay!” Tim laughed, hands going out for protection. The girl lying next to him was propped up on an elbow, short hair falling over her face as her shoulders shook. “God, a guy tries to defend his team one time…”
“And don’t do it again,” Cissie ordered. She turned the camera back on herself. “Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted--” Boos from all around. “--I was documenting, in Impulse fashion, our reunion.”
“Which started hours ago and has so far consisted mostly of junk food and everyone attacking me,” Tim added.
“Shut up,” she retorted. “We’re all deciding who we would want to be stranded on a deserted island with, and Timothy is pissy about the fact that he’s only been chosen by Kon, even though he’s ‘trained for years and would be the best option’.”
“And Bart, of course, refuses to even entertain our hypothetical scenario,” Cassie said with a roll of her eyes.
“I have superspeed,” Bart insisted. “I’ve never been stranded! I will never be stranded!”
“You could get shot again,” Conner suggested. “Couldn’t run then.”
“But then that adds a whole other level to it,” Tim argued. “If he’s injured, is his partner also injured? Are we being hunted while on the island by whoever shot him? What supplies do we have? What can we get from the environment? Do I have my medkit on me? Does he?”
“Why does everything always end up like this?” Cassie bemoaned.
“Because boys are irritating.”
Bart dropped his head into the blankets and threw his hands up. “Fine! I choose Cassie if I have to get shot again and trapped on a deserted island!”
“Cassie?!” Conner spluttered. “Why not me or Rob?”
Cassie’s eyes narrowed. “Hey, watch it, Kent. Are you saying you wouldn’t want to be trapped with me on a deserted island? Me? Your girlfriend?”
A flirty smirk made its way to his lips, and he leaned closer, pressing a quick kiss to her mouth that she allowed. “Hey, I would never mind being trapped with you. Trust me. We’d have a blast.”
“But that’s not what you said five minutes ago,” Tim, who apparently couldn’t resist starting fights within his friend group, said with a raised eyebrow. “Five minutes ago you said you would pick me, because you know I could get us off the island.”
“Well…”
He was trading frantic glances between his girlfriend, who was crossing her arms and gesturing for him to continue explaining himself, and his best friend, who was once again out of frame.
“God, I love when they get into it,” Cissie sighed, crawling forward and setting the camera at an angle that made all seven of them visible, likely propped against the wall. “It’s such good entertainment.”
On her left, Anita nodded, and even the other blonde, the one beside Tim, had to admit, “it is fun to watch.”
“Okay,” Conner began, “so if we’re saying we can’t just fly away from the island, like if there’s a forcefield or something that stops our powers from letting us escape, and the goal is to leave the place, objectively--”
Cassie slapped a hand down on the blankets and tilted toward him, and he yelped and jolted backward. Tim watched the two of them with an expression of pure, wild glee.
“Wait! Wait, Cass, one sec, let me explain! Objectively, in that scenario Rob would be my best option. He’d get me home to you.”
“Nice save,” Tim snorted. Conner shot him a dirty look.
“But, if we weren’t as busy trying to escape, of course I’d choose you, Babe. I love you, you know that. We could have a whole Flintstones setup. Hammock on the beach, a little treehouse all to ourselves…”
“The Flintstones didn’t have any of that,” the unfamiliar blonde said.
With surprise on their faces, the group turned to her.
Cissie gasped, hand to her heart. “Greta, I had no idea you were interested in instigating with the rest of us!”
“I learned from the best,” she shrugged. “I’ve gotta honor my old name, right?”
Tim leaned to the side to give her a one-armed squeeze. “You’re so right, Susie. There’s never been a bigger shit-stirrer than Cissie King-Jones.”
“So says the runner-up,” she grinned.
A couple of chuckles, even from Superboy, who was still more focused on placating his girlfriend.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” she threw back, and the laughs were significantly louder.
“See?” Conner said, dropping kisses all over Cassie’s face. “Tim’s just a shit-starter. Even Greta says so.”
She pulled back. He pouted. “So disloyal, Kon,” she said with a shake of her head, and his face went panicky.
“What? Cass, I would never cheat--”
She ignored him, flashing a grin at Tim. “Picking your girlfriend over your husband? So cruel and cold.”
Both his and Kon’s faces dropped, and the room exploded with laughter and noise.
“We’re alien-married!” Conner cried. “It doesn’t count! It was done under duress!”
“I don’t wanna come between you two--”
“You guys have got to let that go,” Tim sighed. “We didn’t even do rings.”
“But your hearts are entwined forevermore,” she mocked, beaming ear-to-ear with whatever she was quoting.
“Yeah, that’s pretty Euro-centric of you, Tim. What happened to handfasting? Or any of the other million ways to get married that aren’t for straight white people?”
“We went to Pride,” he deadpanned. “We all went to Pride on the Supercycle, like, three months ago. There isn’t a single completely straight person here, Cis. And if you wanna go with white… paper calling the flour and all that.”
“Oh my god,” Anita guffawed, breaking the shocked silence. “Sorry, sorry, paper-flour is too good.”
“He’s not wrong,” Greta shrugged, snickering a little. “And if anyone can say that, I mean, I was white as a ghost for most of my teenage years.”
“Greta!”
“Oh my god, she didn’t--”
Tears, real, fat tears of laughter were rolling down Tim’s cheeks as he released her shoulders to throw himself over her in a hug. “Greta, you’re my favorite, I swear.”
“Hey! You married me!”
“Oh, so now it’s supposed to be my husband over all?” Tim shot back over the giggles, hefting a pillow in his hand as he got to his knees and extricated himself from Greta. “You cheating twerp!”
“I’m a twerp?! You’re five-foot flat!”
“I’m five-six, asshole!”
And with that, he flung the pillow at his best friend, getting swiped clean off his feet by a knee-shot from Bart as he did it.
Someone bellowed, “Pillow fight!” and the screen became a flurry of motion, tangled limbs, and stuffing. Popcorn went flying everywhere when Anita knocked Cassie onto one of the bowls, and she and Cissie joined forces to start beating her while she was laid out on the ground, curling up to avoid the blows. Greta flung herself at Bart, who screamed in a very high pitch and sped toward Conner, who was still fighting Tim, but spared a moment to knock her off of his back.
It was chaos.
The last thing to see was a wide-eyed Bart flying toward the camera, and then the video was no more.
9/11: guys please please lets do another one pleas e evergu year
9/11: onviously me and kon were dead last year but this year
ABANDONER: i’m in! but also why are you named 9/11
stickmeetass: He has a perfect memory
stickmeetass: #neverforget
wondy: tim oh my GOD
Conner and Tim were the first thing the video opened onto, the two of them grinning widely in front of a massive window overlooking a city skyline. They were in casual clothing, Conner a button-up over a white tee, and Tim in a graphic tee with a canvas jacket.
“So,” Tim started, grin turning sly, “we have an announcement to make and we decided this would be the funniest way to do it.”
He looked at Conner and cocked an eyebrow.
Conner waggled his back and leaned in, melding their mouths together in a sweet kiss. Their lips moved against each other for a moment before Tim’s quirked up and they broke free, both smiling.
Conner yanked Tim into his side and took hold of the camera. “And hey, if anyone sees this by the end of the week, we’re gonna be at the-- where are we?”
“The Waldorf Astoria. In Manhattan. Park Avenue.”
“Right, we’ll be at the Waldorf Astoria until Sunday night,” Conner finished. “Cis, I know you’re gonna crack the wildest joke anyone’s ever heard when you realize we finally got our shit together.”
“I’m pretty sure Cassie might actually kill us,” Tim pondered aloud, looking up at his new boyfriend with faux-fear, though he couldn't seem to pull the traces of joy off his face. “Anita had a weird conversation with me over the phone when you were gone. I think she might know already.”
“Really? I mean, I didn't even know until recently.”
“That’s because you're dense, Clone Boy,” Tim teased, tipping his head to fit into the crook of Conner’s neck, even as they remained looking toward the camera.
A wave of fondness washed over Conner’s face as he glanced down at Tim. “Whatever, bro. Man. …Babe?”
Tim’s nose scrunched up. “I would normally not want to be called ‘bro’ by someone I’m dating but you’ve called me that for almost six years. I’ll allow it.”
“Oh, you’ll allow it?” Conner’s grin returned. “What if I don’t want you to call me bro? Or man?”
“How about dumbass?”
“Nope. Veto.”
“Dipshit?”
“That one gets banned after the first kiss, Rob.”
“Wait, really?” Tim pulled away, a taunting glint in his eye. “Now Kon, I know I love you, but I don't think I would’ve kissed you if I’d known I couldn’t--”
An embarrassingly high-pitched noise squeaked out of him as Conner grabbed him and yanked him back into his side.
He laughed and shook his head. “You’re such an asshole, Tim.”
“Well, I was trained by the World’s Greatest Detective in the oh-so-secret art of assholery. So. I’m flattered.”
Conner rolled his eyes toward the camera. “We’re gonna go because this guy got us plans at some fancy elbow-rubbing dinner place across the city. Love you guys.”
“First one to figure it out gets a new Batarang-- I know you guys collect them.”
ABANDONER: OH MY GOD YOU ASSHOLES WHY WOULD YOU HIDE THIS IN ANOTHER FOLDER
ABANDONER: THIS WAS A YEAR AGO
wondy: she called me, and since neither of you are answering your phones, be aware you have three days left to live
shhhh: i would be hurt no one told me, but i’m honestly just glad i’m not the only one
wondy: but a YEAR????
santakiller: awww how did i miss this one you guys should have sent it to meeeeeee
ABANDONER: you KNEW???
santakiller: well yeah i dont really believe in knocking so i’ve known for like nine months
santakiller: tim asked me not to tell so i didn’t
ABANDONER: bartholomew when i get my hands on you
betsybadass: i can’t believe greta is the ONLY person who still loves me enough to call about this
santakiller: hey tim wheres my batarang
santakiller: ik u gotta steal them from bm but i also knonu have tj have a stash somewhere
Anita’s smiling face was the only thing visible on-screen. She quickly backed away from the camera and threw each of her arms around two small children straddling bikes in the background. The little girl was in a bright pink dress and had two beaded afro puffs on either side of her head, and the little boy was in a tee and shorts patterned in monster trucks. Both children were beaming.
“Okay, say thank you to Uncle Tim for your new birthday bikes!”
“Thank you Uncle Tim!” they shouted as one, the little girl throwing her hands in the air with glee.
“Tim, man, I can't give you a big enough thank-you,” Anita said, shaking her head. “When I said the kids were asking for bikes for their birthday, I meant Uncle Ishi and I were gonna get them. I didn't mean for you to send two brand-new bikes with helmets and all the extra bits.”
She waggled a finger at the camera. “Don’t think I’m not gonna think of somethin’ awesome for your birthday. Me and the kids’ve been brainstorming. Right, Oshi?”
“Right, Auntie! I wanna get Uncle Tim a pony.”
“She says everybody wants a pony,” Anita said dryly. “I think she just wants to see a pony in person. Don, what did you wanna get Uncle Tim?”
“I wanna get Uncle Tim a skysc’aper!” he yelled.
“I told him you already have one, but he says you should get another one.” She grinned. “I shoulda known after the cribs you’d do this. But thanks man, seriously.”
Anita let go of the kids and stepped forward to turn off the camera.
ABANDONER: oh anita they’re so cute
ABANDONER: are they really five already?
neilperry: Yes and you’re getting old
ABANDONER: im going to find you tim
neilperry: I see the obvious boarding school kid joke and I know cassie did this
claireitsfrench: wait how did you guess
neilperry: Cass we watched it together like two years ago because I told you it was one of my favorites when I was little
claireitsfrench: it could’ve been kon
neilperry: i never watched it with kon
claireitsfrench: hold on is this still about the fucking wig
shhhhh: yes :D
claireitsfrench: GRETA??
shhhhh: :D
neilperry: On another note, you’re welcome Anita and of course I’d get them bikes
neilperry: Every kid should have a bike to get in trouble with
neilperry: Tell them to remember that the bars are hollow and good for hiding things
betsybadass: i am absolutely not telling them that
“Okay, so I think I’m going to make some kind of video for whenever they get married, because they’re totally getting married,” Bart blurted, the camera whipping around to the Titans’ Tower common area, where Tim and Conner Kent were curled up together on the couch, slightly older than they had been in the last clip. Conner was reclining into the corner. His phone was floating in the air in front of him, and he was watching whatever was on the screen with a casual, relaxed interest. His right hand was cupping the back of a sleeping Tim’s head, and his other was running smoothly up and down his back.
Tim appeared to be knocked all the way out, his soft snores picked up by the microphone in the near-silent room. He was lying along the back of the couch, his head pillowed on Conner’s stomach and his legs haphazardly covered with a Wonder Woman blanket.
Conner looked up at the sound, mouthing a very clear ‘wake him up and die’ to Bart.
“I’m not gonna wake him up,” Bart whispered loudly.
The reassurance seemed to mean absolutely nothing, because Conner pulled the hand on Tim’s head and pointed off to the side, trying to shoo him out of the room.
Tim snuffled and started to lift his head, his longer hair sliding over the side of his face. “...m’ hand?”
Conner shot Bart a long glare and returned his hand to his… boyfriend’s? hair, giving him a soft smile and gently ushering his head back down. “Go back to sleep, Rob. ‘S nothing.”
“Mm… need me?”
“Not right now, babe. Just sleep.”
The camera dropped, and there were some dark shuffling movements as Bart presumably left the room. That assumption was changed to left the state when they heard the telltale fwick! of a speedster’s movements. A few moments later, he reappeared in frame, holding the camera up in some kind of bedroom. His own, most likely.
“So! Future Tim and Kon-- well, not Future Tim and Kon, we all hate those guys, but like, getting-married-Tim-and-Kon, I just wanna say I think you guys are awesome together, and I definitely like seeing you both so happy. I mean, both of you are always in a good mood. Both of you. And we all know how bitchy Tim can get on missions, and how bitchy Kon can get everywhere else. And also on missions.”
He waved it off, hand blurring with the motion. “Anyway! I know Cassie’s been… kind of really weird, which I sort of get, ‘cause it can’t be easy watching your ex-boyfriend and one of your best friends get together? But also I’m pretty sure it could also be because something freaking huge went down between Cassie and Tim when me and Kon were gone. Like, they’re both-- you’re both-- trying to be totally normal, but I can see it. I know you guys too well by now! I think maybe Kon knows, which also makes sense, since, I mean, that’s his ex-girlfriend and boyfriend? Part of me wishes I knew what it was but then I’m also kind of happy to just stay out of it with how crazy everything is anyway. Whatever. I mean, I have guesses, but they’re all pretty weird.
“Anyway! Whoa, got distracted there. See, Tim, I do notice when it happens now. Sometimes. What was I talking about? Oh! Yeah, we all like seeing you guys happy, even if it means not playing on the Tower Wii when you’re taking a nap. I mean, you remember Gar tried to talk smack about PDA, but we’ve all caught him and Raven making out around the Tower way too many times for him to talk. Plus you guys aren’t even bad with PDA? I don’t even see you kiss much, unless I’m breaking into your room, which is like, so different from how it was when we first got to the Tower and Kon and Cassie were kissing everywhere. I heard Kon moan, and I could’ve gone my whole life without knowing what that sounded like. Gross.
“I just really love you guys so much and I better be your best man, Kon, since I’m pretty sure Tim’s gonna go with Dick Grayson. Ooh, you guys should have Traya as the flower girl. Red can officiate! He’d totally love that, even if he’d complain forever about it. But… yeah. That’s it. Was weird to see you guys cuddling the first time, but I like it. I think it’s one of the first good changes we got to come back to, besides, like, actually coming back.”
Abruptly and without warning, the video ended.
ABANDONER: bart you are a massive asshole for hiding this video
9/11: cissie nooooo i promihd tim i wouldrt tell anyome
ABANDONER: that means nothing to me
dollythesheep: also if we do get married i will absolutely play this
dollythesheep: tim says thanks for keeping the secret
9/11: ofc kon i lofe u guys
dollythesheep: love u too bro
ABANDONER: oh the bromance of it all <3
Tim was the first to appear on this video, a wide grin planted firmly on his unmasked face. Behind him stood the trademark sunny beach view and wide windows of Titans Tower’s common room. “Happy surprise birthday, Cissie,” he said in a sing-song. “Not that you know about that yet, of course.” He frowned suddenly at the screen a half-second before his eyes went wide and the camera jerked.
“Everybody shut up,” Tim hissed. “Cassie says they’re almost here!”
Conner yelped. “Shit, already? I wasn’t listening!”
“Lights!” Someone called out, and the room dimmed.
Bart grabbed his hand and the two vanished, Tim tucking himself behind the couch with Greta, Raven, and Gar. The lights go out.
“Right?” They hear a girl say. “I told her we had already finished our half, but she--”
“Surprise!”
Cissie King-Jones leapt a solid two feet into the air, screeching at the top of her lungs as the lights came back on.
Her eyes were wide as she looked around, and Conner floated over to engulf her in a hug. “Happy birthday, Cis!”
In seconds she was passed around from hero to hero for hugs, kisses to the cheek, and well-wishes.
When she got to Tim, she hugged him and he flipped the camera, raising it above their heads as if it were a selfie.
She quirked an eyebrow. “For the old vlogs?”
“Oh, yes. We never stopped, you know that. So… did your heart stop or do you just scream like that all the time now?"
“Shut up,” she laughed, punching his shoulder hard enough to make him tilt away. “You get jumpscared by like thirty people in one of the safest buildings in the world and see how you react!”
“Safest building,” Cassie scoffed.
“Hey, our security’s good,” Tim said defensively. “We just keep getting attacked by the most dangerous people there are.” He glanced to his left as Conner’s arm came up around his waist and pulled him close.
“Relax, Boy Wonder, nobody’s shitting on your Bat-tech. We do get invaded a lot, though.”
“Okay, but what an upgrade from the mountain, right? Look, Cis, we have windows.”
She snorted again. “Yeah, it’s definitely a better view. But seriously, I know Cassie planned this, but she said you paid for everything, and I know you probably helped smooth out details, too. So thanks, Tim.”
His arm reached around her, and he passed his phone to Conner as he gave her a squeeze. “Of course, Cis. ‘S not everyday you turn twenty.”
“Hey, it’s only March,” Cissie smirked. “We’ll get you back in July.”
“I’d like to see you try,” he shot back.
“Ladies, ladies, you’ll both be old farts,” Conner butted in.
In unison, “shut up, Kon.”
“And I’m turning nineteen,” Tim added. “Cissie’s turning twenty, she’s the one with a foot already in the grave.”
“Do you want to have a black eye in our birthday pics?”
“I’m hungry,” Bart whined as he appeared in frame. “Let’s cut the cake.”
Conner hip-checked him back out of view. “Alright, alright, you ready for a serenade, Cissie?”
“Hey, should I be jealous?” Tim asked with a smile, taking back his phone without taking his eyes off Conner. His still-smiling face was fully in-frame again, sparkly birthday hat and all, before he cut the video.
wearefarmersdododododo: everyone blames me and tim for fighting in the old days but you two are just as bad now
wearefarmersdododododo: okay this one is just lazy
ABANDONER: hey at least they give u new names
ABANDONER: ive been stuck with this one for three years
yum: Hang on Cissie, try now, I think I got it
TRAITOR: ?
TRAITOR: fuck you tim
yum: Wait you guys are the worst
yum: The suit is red and I was ROBIN
yum: And I didn't CHOOSE the name
wearefarmersdododododo: so lazy tim
TRAITOR: can’t even pick out your own name ONCE
yum: Kon we’re breaking up
yum: Cissie I was too busy grieving to be creative. Take it up with Hood
TRAITOR: clearly there was no creativity involved
yum: I hate you
TRAITOR: i still cant believe we didn't know
TRAITOR: you two were blatantly fucking flirting and i WATCHED THE VIDEO OVER
claireitsfrench: to be fair i did notice and thought tim was joking about the alien wedding again
TRAITOR: god we let you get away with so much
yum: trained by the world’s greatest detective, cis
TRAITOR: 🖕