Chapter Text
Buck's never thought of himself as actively suicidal.
He's never attempted to harm himself or end things on purpose, but he'll admit that, more often than not, he doesn't care.
He doesn't care if he makes it through his shift alive.
He doesn't care if he makes it home.
He doesn't care if he wakes up after going to sleep.
He just…doesn't care.
He especially doesn't care while sitting untethered on a ledge with someone he was meant to be talking down.
At least, he didn’t until they made him care.
***
3 Hours Earlier
Things had been pretty rough with the team since his return following the lawsuit. Hen was the only one who really spoke to him, though even that seemed stilted at times. Chimney tries, but Buck's pretty sure it's more for Maddie's sake rather than because he actually wants to.
The point was, Buck felt alone.
He appreciated Hen's effort, he even appreciated Chimney’s reluctant effort, but that didn't stop Buck from wondering why he was still here. It was obvious to him that he was just adding more stress and strain to the team, so why was he still bothering to force his presence on them?
It hit him then, what he should do.
He should quit and then he should leave.
The firehouse wouldn't feel tense anymore if he left. Maddie wouldn't feel caught between him and Chimney if he left. Hen would no longer need to justify herself to the team if he was no longer around to cause a rift. Chimney wouldn't be forced to play nice with him to appease Maddie.
Bobby would no longer have to worry about him being a liability.
Eddie could finally have a partner he wanted instead of one he couldn't even bear to look at.
Maybe it was impulsive to quit and leave LA so suddenly, especially after fighting so hard to come back, but he'd wanted to come back to his family.
Only…they didn't want him.
Buck really should've been used to that feeling by now.
***
30 Minutes Earlier
When the tones went off, Buck was quick shove his half-finished resignation letter into his locker before running to gear up and get himself situated in the engine. He quietly savored the routine and the adrenaline, knowing this would be the last shift he'd be feeling those things. He kept himself pressed against the door of the engine, out of reach even for Hen, and listened to the rundown from Bobby.
Naturally, they were being called out to talk down a potential jumper on a bridge.
***
5 Minutes Earlier
Buck had been standing off to the side, staying out of the way as best as he could to avoid the usual glares and “subtle” shoulder checks on a scene. He honestly thinks Bobby forgot he was even there since he hadn’t been assigned a task.
Hen and Chimney were standing by with the gurney and ambulance ready, Eddie was harnessing up to join the patient on the ledge, Bobby was coordinating with Athena and the rest of the present LAPD, and the rest of the 118 was handling the crowd and the controls for Eddie’s line.
No ones eyes were on him.
No one was even really paying attention to the patient.
Maybe that’s why he decided to do what he did.
***
Now
As soon as the thought hit Buck, he was moving. Switching his radio into broadcast, he walked with a confidence he didn’t truly feel past his team until he reached Bobby and Athena, but he didn’t slow his pace.
“I have my radio on broadcast.” He didn’t pause to make sure he’d been heard, afraid he’d be stopped. He definitely didn’t stop when he heard his name shouted from several people all at once.
When he reached the bridge ledge he climbed up next to the patient, who he could now see was just a teenager.
“Uh, hi?” The kid startled violently. “Sorry, sorry! Didn’t mean to startle you.” He held his hands up in placating gesture.
“What the hell are you doing up here?” The kid sounded panicked, her voice cracking as her red-rimmed hazel eyes filled with tears.
“I’m just here to talk,” He held out a hand for her to shake. “I’m Buck, by the way. What’s your name?” She eyed his hand with distrust. “I’m not going to yank you off the ledge, I promise. See?” He lifted his hand back into the air. “I’m not attached to anything.” He held his hand back out for her to shake.
“Joy,” She hesitantly shook his hand. “My name is Joy.”
Buck wanted to make a quip about the irony of her name versus the situation they were in, but he figured his twisted sense of humor wouldn’t be appreciated in this moment so he refrained.
Barely.
“Nice to meet you, Joy,” He ignored her scoff, “Do you want to sit down? Might feel better than standing.” He held his breath while watching her debate, then breathed a sigh of relief when she moved to sit. Her legs were dangling over the edge, so Buck mirrored her. “Mind telling me why you’re up here?”
“What does it matter to you? You just want me to come down so that you can feel like a hero.”
“It matters quite a bit to me, actually, but I promise you I’m not a hero. As for coming down,” Buck tilted his head. “I don’t want you to do so until you’re ready.”
“What if I’m never ready? What if I decide to jump?”
“Then I guess I’m going with you.” He stared out over the water, watching the sun begin to dip below the horizon.
“W-what?”
“Either you come off the ledge with me, or I go over the ledge with you.” Buck shrugged his shoulders. “Simple as that.”
“W-what the hell? I’m not going to be responsible for someone else dying!” Buck finally tore his eyes away from the horizon to meet Joy’s horrified gaze.
“Then it sounds to me like you don’t really want to die, Joy.” He arched an eyebrow. “You just want someone to actually listen to you.” Her face flushed red as she looked away.
“So, what? I’m attention seeking?” Joy sounded angry, but Buck didn’t even bat an eye.
“Not at all. I’d bet you’ve been crying out for help for some time, it’s just unfortunate that this is what it took for someone to listen.” He heard her sniffle, but she still wasn’t facing him. “How old are you?”
“F-fifteen.”
“Ah,” He looked back out over the horizon. “I fucking hated being fifteen.”
“You? What could have been so damn terrible for someone like you?” He heard the rustle of her oversized hoodie as she whipped around to face him.
“Don’t you know better than to judge a book by it’s cover?” He faced her then, one eyebrow arched while his voice dripped with gentle disapproval. “If it weren’t for our current situation, if I simply saw you out and about, I’d assume you were happy, high on what’s supposed to be the best years of your life, and that you’re one of the popular girls at school. Maybe you’re the captain of a sports team, maybe you’re on the student council, maybe you’re popular simply because you’re pretty which means no one realizes how smart you really are. I don’t know, but my point is that that assumption would have been wrong.”
“So, what are you really?” He watched as her eyes dropped to her hands, fiddling with the cuff of her hoodie.
“I’m a straight A student and I’m in band.”
“Oh, no way? What instrument do you play?” He gave a small, encouraging grin when Joy shyly glanced up.
“Trumpet, do you play an instrument?” He took her genuine curiosity as a small win.
“I did the drum line and played guitar for the theater when I was in high school.” Buck huffed a small laugh. “Pissed my dad off when I quit the football team.”
“But you loved it?”
“Yeah, best part of my day.” Buck’s grin softened. “What about you?”
“I wanted to play the violin.” Buck’s smile faded as he watched Joy. “My mom played when I was younger and I remember loving the sound, but then she died and my dad made it pretty clear that he never wanted to hear the sound of a violin again.”
“How old were you when she passed?” Joy made a slightly strangled sound at his question.
“I was ten when my dad got away with murdering her.”
“Holy shit? What…?”
“He’s a cop,” Joy pushed up the sleeve of her hoodie, revealing deep bruising on almost every inch of visible skin. “He’s a cop who has an explanation for everything, has buddies willing to cover for him, and knows how to cover his tracks.”
“Joy,” His heart broke for her. “That’s why this was the only option for you.”
She nodded, pulling her sleeve back down.
“He’s always careful to make sure his marks can be covered, but I messed up last night.” Her voice shook as she spoke. “I just wanted to know what he’d done with her violin, you know? It’d been hidden in my closet since she died, but then I came home from school and it was just gone. It’s the only thing I have left that was hers and he took it!”
Joy pushed back the hood covering her head, exposing short curly brown hair so dark it almost looked black. It also exposed bruising around her neck.
“I just wanted it back! But he was already day drunk by the time I realized it was gone, so his fuse was shorter than normal. I got mad, and he got violent.” Buck stared in silent horror as Joy cried. “There’s no way out of that house! There’s no way away from him!” Buck swallowed roughly around the lump in his throat.
“What about other family? Guidance councilor at school? The hospital? Why hasn’t anyone reported the pattern?”
“Because, after my freshman year, I gave up trying to get someone to believe me. That, and there isn’t any other family. Both sets of grandparents passed when I was little, and neither of my parents have any siblings or cousins.”
“That’s…” Buck was pissed. “That’s so fucked up. Just because he has a position of power, doesn’t mean he’s exempt from the law! Anyone who failed to report him, or ended their investigation into him because he charmed them, should be fired. They failed you, Joy.”
“Sounds like you know something about that.”
“I do, but the difference is that I knew no one would help me, small town and all of that jazz, but you? You’re in a big city, stuck on a ledge with someone who knows a sergeant who doesn’t give up,” Buck silently prayed that Athena wouldn’t hate him for involving her like this. “Her name is Athena, and she’s one of the best people I know. She doesn’t give up, even when someone tries to get in her way or throw her off the trail. If you come down with me, I know she’ll help you.”
Joy stared at him in shock for a moment before an almost resigned look settled on her face.
“Maybe,” She turned her gaze back towards the horizon. “But you’ll have to forgive me for not having much faith after all this time.”
“Would you be willing to talk to her? You don’t have to come down yet, but I have my radio. If you want, you can tell her what you can and let her prove herself to you.” He reached up to unclip his radio, twisting on the ledge until he was turned more towards Joy.
“I think…” Joy was eyeing the radio in his hands, a small glimmer of hope present in her expression. “I think I trust you. You’re honest and I don’t think you’ve lied to me so far.”
“I haven’t,” He held out his pinky, grinning. “I pinky promise.” Joy looked at him skeptically. “A pinky promise is sacred, can’t be broken.” He wiggled his pinky enticingly, until Joy looped her own around his with a snort of amusement. Still grinning, he took his radio off of broadcast before clicking the transmit button. “Athena? Are you there?”
“I’m here, Buck. How can I help?” He wanted so badly to look over his shoulder at her, but he refrained.
“I know this isn’t how things are normally done, but you need to open an investigation into a fellow officer for child abuse and homicide.”
It was silent for a beat and then…
“Okay, I’m going to need more information than that. Names, dates, any details you have…you know the drill, Buckaroo.” He felt a smile tug at his lips at the familiar endearment.
“Alright, Joy. I’m going to hold this button down so that you can tell her everything you know, okay?”
When Joy nodded, he hit the transmit button once more before indicating she was good to go, then he listened with growing horror and rage as she detailed everything. When they were done, Buck discreetly switched the radio back to broadcast and clipped it to his chest again.
“Do you really think she’ll be able to do something after all this time?”
“I do. I really, really do.” It was quiet for a moment.
“Is she your mom?” Buck blinked once in surprise, his chest suddenly feeling tight.
“Oh, uh, n-no. She’s an amazing mom, but s-she isn’t my mom.” He shifted nervously.
“Do you wish she was?” Buck’s shoulders dropped, already resigning himself to the fallout from this particular conversation.
“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter how much I wish for it, I don’t think I’m meant for a family that actually wants me.”
“Why do you say that?” Buck began to fidget under the weight of Joy’s gaze.
“Because I’m exhausting,” He let out a humorless laugh. “I want too much, I cling too hard, and I can’t seem to recognize when people don’t actually want me until it’s too late. I’m accepted as long as I’m useful, but I’ve never been wanted. I left home as soon as I could, traveled all over North and South America just trying to find somewhere I belonged…and I failed.” Buck snorted, shaking his head. “I thought I found it here in LA, but I was proven almost comically wrong.”
“Is that why you climbed onto the ledge without any gear?”
“Shockingly, no.” It was only a partial lie, but Buck felt eyes burning into the back of his skull. “I think my captain forgot that I was even here since he didn’t assign me a task, so I was just standing there watching everyone and I realized…they were all so focused on what they were doing and how they were going to handle you, that they didn’t really see you.” He made a broad gesture with his hands, not really sure what he was trying to indicate in the moment. “They care, I know that they care. But you didn’t need someone to care clinically, you needed someone to care personally.”
“Then why say you were either going over with me or I was coming down with you?”
“Because if you jumped, I would follow on pure instinct in an attempt to catch you…” He didn’t say the rest of it, he didn’t say how relieved he’d feel as he plummeted, but he thinks Joy still managed to read between the lines if the too knowing look on her face was anything to go by.
“If I come down, what happens to me? I can’t go back to that house with him.”
“If you come down, we’ll take you to the hospital where you’ll be put on a 72-hour mandatory psych hold. After that…either in-patient care or out-patient care. Either way, CPS will be getting involved. Given the circumstances, you’ll be removed from his care until the investigation is over.”
“Would you be in my corner?”
“I would. I can’t promise that it’ll be easy, but I can promise that you’ll always have a way to get in touch with me if you need me.”
“Even if I come down?”
“Yes,” Buck held Joy’s gaze, “You’re stuck on a ledge with someone who doesn’t seem to know when to leave well enough alone, which means that until you tell me you don’t need me anymore, I’ll always be available if you call.” Joy stared at him for a long moment before nodding and blowing out a breath.
“…I’m not ready to come down yet. Not until I know I won’t be sent back to him.”
“Okay, then how about dinner? It’s gotta be about that time and I’m sure you’re probably hungry. Plus, hospital food sucks.” He took a second to savor the small victory when Joy let out a small but real laugh. “There’s this really good place nearby that does sushi burritos! I used to go there all the time with my be-” Buck stopped, realizing what he was about to say. He took a deep breath before correcting himself. “I used to go there all the time.”
“If they’ll bring it, then yeah. I’m down for some sushi.”
Buck made a show of requesting the sushi burritos, not wanting to let on that the channel was open.
When the food arrived and was carefully delivered by Eddie, of all people, Buck pointedly ignored how all of his usual favorites were in the bag alongside Joy’s order, despite having said he’d just eat the same thing as her.
***
A couple of hours later, with the sun having long since set, Buck was shifting around on the ledge to try and get feeling back into his ass. Hen had cautiously approached with blankets at one point, which Buck appreciated since they’d both begun to shiver.
There still hadn’t been any word from Athena yet.
“So I told you a bunch of stuff earlier, I think it’s only fair if you elaborate on some of what you told me.”
“That’s not ominous at all.” He quit his shifting in order to focus on Joy. “What do you want to know?”
“You said you knew no one was going to help you…” Joy tilted her head in curiosity as she trailed off.
“Ah, that.” Buck fidgeted with his blanket for a moment as he thought over how to answer given the open radio, but eventually he decided to stick with being fully honest. “My sister left when I was thirteen, taking any buffer between me and our parents with her. I’d always known they hadn’t wanted me, but when she left I realized pretty quickly that they hated me. To this day I still don’t know what I could have done to make them hate me so much.”
“The only reason I signed up for football, was because I knew my dad liked it so I thought it was something we could finally bond over. I was…very wrong. If anything, it seemed to make him hate me even more.”
“But you said it pissed him off when you quit the team?” Buck felt his lips quirk, but knew it didn’t reach his eyes.
“I left out the part where I told him that I quit the team after he walked in on me kissing the boyfriend I’d been keeping a secret because I knew my parents were homophobic assholes. He could’ve cared less about me quitting the team, but having a queer son?” Buck scoffed. “I was fifteen. He chased my boyfriend out of the house, then beat the shit out of me before locking me in my room for the night while he ‘figured out what to do with me’.” He shook his head with a bitter laugh.
“The next morning, he let me out and sat me down at the dining room table and told me I was dead to him. That from then on, his only child was my older sister. My mom wasn’t home, she was off on some retreat, but I know he never told her…probably didn’t want to ‘burden’ her with the knowledge that her son was bisexual.”
“Didn’t someone ask about your injuries?”
“Of course they did, but I lied and said I got into a fight with some college kids. No one would have believed me if I’d told the truth since my parents are highly respected in their community. Besides,” Buck shrugged like it was no big deal, “he never laid hands on me again. I left home the first chance I got and never looked back. LA’s the longest I’ve stayed anywhere since then.”
“Do you miss traveling?”
“More than I thought I would. I don’t miss being homeless or doing some sketchy things in order to survive, but I do miss experiencing new places.”
“Can you tell me about it?”
So Buck spent the next hour regaling Joy with a PG version of his time on the road, the places he’d been, his adventures and misadventures, the people he’d met, and some of the jobs he’d done. They were both grinning wide and laughing hard by the time Buck reached his time in LA, purposefully leaving out some of the bigger and more traumatic details.
“At least this time, I’ll actually have some savings to get me by between places.” The words slipped out before he could stop them, the laughter dying almost instantly.
“You’re leaving?” Joy sounded…hurt?
“Yeah…it was a bit of a last minute decision, but yeah. I was actually working on my letter of resignation before the alarms went off.” He was suddenly very glad that his back was to his team, not wanting to see whatever look was on their faces now that they knew. “It’s what’s best for everyone, you know? If I stay, I’d just be hurting myself and the people I wanted to be my family. If I leave, they finally get to be happy.”
“But…you’d be alone.” Joy reached out suddenly, grabbing his arm as she stared at him with wide eyes.
“I’m already alone, Joy, I always have been.” He watched her expression crumble with devastation.
“Won’t you miss people knowing you?” He gave her a sad smile.
“No one knows me, not really. They know what I’ve let them see, but I learned a long time ago that if they don’t ask, then they don’t actually want to know me. I know so much about them, I asked them…but they never asked me.” Joy looked almost desperate.
“What about your sister and Athena?” Her voice cracked as her gaze turned pleading. “What about me? What if I need you again?”
“My sister is stuck between me and the man she loves. She’s trying to remain neutral, but I can see how much stress it’s causing her. Athena will just make me promise to keep in touch and check in often.” He dropped her gaze then. “As for you…I’ll be reachable, I promise.” He held out his pinky again, blowing out a breath when she wrapped her own pinky around his with a sniffle. “I’ll make sure Athena passes my number along to you after you’re discharged. If you’re ever in danger, you call her first. She’ll be able to get to you faster than me, but I’ll always be available for anything else. I’ve been told that I’m pretty good at helping out with homework.”
“What if I need to complain about school o-or a boy?”
“I’ll still pick up the phone and listen.” He tightened his pinky around hers. “You aren’t alone anymore, Joy. You’ve got me and Athena in your corner now, and also probably my sister.” They both huffed out a wet laugh. “Athena will do whatever it takes to make sure you are safe.”
“And there’s no way I can convince you to stay?”
“Sorry, kiddo. But in this instance, the majority rules.”
“Well the majority sucks.” Buck couldn’t help but burst out laughing at her sudden petulance. “Is Athena back yet?” Her sudden change in topic has Buck grimacing, since he still wasn’t ready to face everyone yet.
Dutifully, he pushed his reluctance aside so that he could twist around. Ignoring the faces of his team, he searched the gathered first responders until he spotted Athena, though the grief he could see from where he was sitting caught him off guard.
“Yeah, it looks like she’s back. Do you want to get down and speak with her, or do you want to stay here?”
“C-Can we stay here for now? Just until I know what she’s got?”
“Of course. Radio or have her come closer?” He watched as Joy debated, chewing on her cheek while she mulled over her options.
“She can come over, but no one else!” He nodded in understanding as he made a show of unclipping his radio and subtly switching off broadcast before asking for Athena over the channel.
He avoided her gaze as she approached, knowing she’d heard him say that he wished she was his mom and that he was leaving.
“Hi Joy, how are we doing over here?” Athena came to a stop between them, reaching out to squeeze Buck’s arm as she greeted Joy.
“Fine, Buck’s been good company.”
“Glad to hear it,” Athena cleared her throat a little before continuing. “We’re still building a case, but what we’ve been able to find so far was enough to detain him without the possibility of bail.”
“I-I don’t have to go back there?” Joy sounded so full of hope.
“No, sweetie, you don’t.”
Buck grinned at Joy, watching as she swung her legs back over the ledge in order to hop down and hug Athena tightly. Buck followed suit slowly, his body stiff and his leg aching a little as he put weight down on it.
“Thank you,” Athena wrapped her own arms around Joy, accepting the hug with a look of surprise. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” When Joy let go of Athena, she was quick to turn towards Buck and pull him into a tight hug. He hugged her back, soothing her as she broke down into tears.
“Thank you for seeing me.” Buck tightened his arms around her, smiling softly at her words.
“Thank you for letting me try.” She laughed wetly before pulling back, wiping at her face while Buck waved over Hen and Chimney. He avoided looking at them as they got closer, trying to make himself scarce as they got Joy settled on the gurney.
“Wait!” Joy was settled on the gurney and was about to be loaded into the ambulance when she called out. “Can you come with me? Please?” His eyes flicked nervously between Hen and Chimney before he hesitantly nodded.
No one spoke as he climbed into the back of the ambulance and took Joy's hand, although who was comforting who was anybody's guess. The ride to the hospital was full of painfully awkward silence and it took everything Buck had not to vibrate out of his skin due to nerves.
Their arrival at the hospital was met with a flurry of activity, with Buck having to drop Joy’s hand during the intake process. He waited with Athena, fidgeting nervously while avoiding her gaze. She’d sent Hen and Chimney back to the station, stating that she’d bring Buck back herself when they’d tried to protest.
“A-are you mad?” It had taken him a while, but Buck finally found the courage to ask.
“Not at you, Buck.” Her response was curt, but not unkind.
He didn’t push for more conversation after that.
***
When the doctors and nurses finished their intake, Athena went back with a detective that arrived at some point to interview Joy about her mother’s death and the abuse she’d suffered at her dad’s hands. Eventually, the detective left, but not before sending Buck back to join Athena and Joy.
“Hey,” Buck spoke softly as he entered the room. “How was it?”
“Intense.” Joy looked small on the hospital bed, the bruising stark against her pale skin now that it could be seen in full.
“But you did it.” Athena squeezed her shoulder with a small smile. “Your testimony, the hospital records, and the evidence we collected will go a long way in helping to put your dad away for good.”
Buck smiled when Joy’s shoulders relaxed minutely at Athena’s words.
“What about my things?”
“Your house is a crime scene right now, but when you’re released from the hospital I can take you to grab some things.”
“But what about the rest of it? I’m assuming I can’t take a lot with me when I go to a group home or something like that.”
“Unfortunately, no.”
“I don’t mind paying for a storage locker.” The words were out before he could stop them. “I have to do it for myself anyway, so I don’t mind getting a bigger unit and letting you store your stuff with mine for the foreseeable future.”
“You're still set on leaving, then?” Joy sounded disappointed, watching as Buck scuffed his shoe on the floor.
“Y-yeah…it's for the best.”
“For you? Or for them?”
Buck didn't have an answer for her like he thought he would. Hours earlier, he would’ve said that it was what was best for him and for them…but now? Now he truly didn’t know. What he did know was that the itch to leave had burrowed deep since he let the thought enter his mind earlier that evening.
He knew the urge to go wouldn’t leave him until he followed through.
***
When he and Athena finally left the hospital, it was nearing midnight. A tense silence settled between them as he followed her out of the hospital and got into the passenger seat of her shop. Buck couldn’t help but fidget as Athena backed out of her parking spot and began the journey towards the firehouse.
“Is leaving something that you need to do?” Buck startled at Athena suddenly breaking the silence.
“Y-yeah. I need some space to figure things out.”
“Will you come back?”
“I…” He wanted to say that he would, but the words got stuck in his throat. “I don’t know.”
“Okay. I don’t like it, but I get it. It’s why I left Florida for LA, I needed the space to figure out who I was without my mamma in my ear telling me who I should be.” Buck felt some of the tension drain out of him at Athena’s acceptance. “However, I expect you to check in regularly. Your phone needs to stay on and charged at all times. Understood?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He grinned slightly at Athena’s answering scoff.
The rest of the ride was silent, but it no longer felt tense which was good because the closer they got to the station, the more anxious Buck became. He still had eight hours left on his shift after all.
He figured that Hen would be upset with him for not telling her as soon as he’d made his decision, but he also knew she’d accept that he was doing what he needed to do. Buck also figured some part of her was probably relieved since him leaving meant she’d no longer have to justify herself to the team.
Buck figured that Chimney had probably told Maddie about what happened on the bridge, pending someone at dispatch hadn’t already done so given the fact that she was off today and it was well known that he was her brother.
As for Bobby and Eddie…he was honestly terrified for how that confrontation would go.
When they arrived at the station, Buck couldn’t hold back his sigh of relief at seeing the empty bay; a clear indication that the other’s had been called out. Athena trailed behind him like a worried shadow, following him into the locker room and watching silently as he grabbed a change of clothes and his toiletries.
The sharp click of shoes caught his attention before he could make an excuse to duck away from Athena’s presence, causing him to look over on instinct and nearly pass out due to his heart skipping a few too many beats.
“Buckley,” The chief stood in the locker room doorway, completely unbothered about it being after midnight. “Do you have a minute to chat?”
“Y-yes, sir.” Buck shot Athena an alarmed look before setting his things back into his locker and following the chief into Bobby’s office.
“Have a seat.” He sat down quickly, trying to ignore how his heart sank when the door clicked shut. “I’m sorry to drop by unannounced at such a late hour,” The chief sat down in Bobby’s chair. “But I felt the events of this evening warranted an in-person discussion.”
“Am I in trouble, sir?”
“You should be, for disregarding protocol and getting on that ledge without a safety line attached to you, but no. You’re not in trouble. Some things have been brought to my attention in regards to how you’ve been treated at this station since your return, things that never should have been allowed to persist the way they have.”
“Oh,” Buck was stunned. “It’s fine.” He genuinely didn’t want to make a big deal about anything. “I was actually going to turn in my resignation in the morning.”
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. Do you plan on returning to LA?”
“Uh, I’m not sure, sir. I didn’t really have a plan…”
“I see,” The chief leaned forward with interest, “Then in that case, I have an offer for you to consider.”
***
The 118 was returning from their call just as Buck was finishing up with the chief, the team eyeing the pair with careful interest and a hint of trepidation. Neither man gave anything away as they shook hands before Buck returned to the locker room so that he could grab his things and take an overdue shower. Athena was gone by the time he stepped into the glass room, likely having had to return to her shift.
As Buck headed off to the showers, he heard the chief call out for Bobby to join him in his office but otherwise he didn’t bother looking back.
***
The end of shift came without much fanfare, with only one call before they were free to leave. Buck didn’t stick around to chat, despite the others making it clear that they wanted to.
He didn’t immediately go to the loft, suspecting that the others may try to show up there. Instead he went by the grocery store for some small filler items, then found the storage facility that Athena had recommended to him the night before. Buck ended up getting a bigger unit than he thought he needed, unsure of how much Joy would be keeping but wanting to have plenty of room for it. The storage facility sold all of his packing needs as well, so he made sure to stock up; he even grabbed extra so that there’d be some leftover for Joy to use.
After driving by his loft and seeing that the coast was clear, Buck circled back around before parking in his usual spot and beginning to unload everything. He didn’t give himself a moment to stop and rest, just immediately jumped into packing after he got his meager groceries put away.
Athena joined him after her shift ended, making small talk as they packed up his life in a matter of hours.
“So, am I allowed to know the plan?” Buck’s lips quirked up at her faux innocent question.
“Part of it.” He poured both of them a glass of water before pulling out everything needed to make them a small lunch. “I’m on paid leave for two months, then transferring to the fire academy as an instructor. No one except you and Maddie will know that I’m back though.”
“What about the others?”
“I’ll probably tell Hen after I get settled, but the rest…” He trailed off as he frowned down at the half-prepped food before him. “I don’t know. Chimney seemed like he was only speaking to me in order to appease Maddie, Bobby and Eddie have made themselves pretty damn clear on where they stand…I don’t know. I need some time.”
“Just don’t take too much time, things left to the wayside tend to fester until they rot everything around them.”
He just nodded in response.
***
Buck hired movers to take his things to the storage unit, getting up before dawn to make sure the last of his things were packed away.
Athena and Maddie arrived just after the sun rose above the horizon, carrying a tray of sweet coffees and a bag of savory breakfast from his favorite nearby cafe. They ate out on the balcony, enjoying the quiet of the crisp morning together for the last time in the loft.
When the movers arrived, the trio stood off to the side and watched before leading the way to the storage facility in order to open the gate and the unit. With that done, they returned to the loft to deep clean and make sure nothing had been missed before checking the mail one last time and turning in his keys.
With tearful hugs and promises to stay in touch, Buck tossed his bag into the jeep before swinging by the hospital to say a brief goodbye to Joy.
With nothing left to do, Buck hit the road. He didn’t have a plan on where he was heading first, he simply picked a direction and drove until he needed to stop, then picked a new direction.