Archive of Our Own

Beomgyu's first day at work starts with him getting lost after taking a wrong turn in the hospital.

He ends up in a corner next to a set of double doors with a sign that reads in all caps: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. There is a badge scanner located on the wall next to the doors. He could try out his brand new employee badge and see if he can let himself in and find someone, but then he begins overthinking and wonders if he should wait on someone to come rescue him instead.

The only issue with that is it's not even six in the morning yet, and the hallways are pretty dead. All the overhead lights haven't even been turned on for the day.

Beomgyu takes a deep breath. He begins walking again and just hopes he can find his way to his new job.

The kitchen. There should be signs for it around here somewhere. 

“You're gonna have the best day, Beomgyu,” Yeonjun had told him before he left their apartment this morning. He'd been half asleep, all messy hair and drooping eyes, but he had insisted on waking up early to bid Beomgyu goodbye.

So far, this has not been the best day. Beomgyu knows it's way too early for him to be judging, but getting lost before being able to even clock into work is really dampening his spirits. 

Maybe he should have just stayed at home. He should have just tried harder at the online customer service job he previously held. That would have been easiest. He doesn't know why he decided to challenge himself with a job that involves going out in public, when for the past two years he's done little more than go to the grocery store and walk around their neighborhood.

He comes across a sign on the wall and hurriedly approaches it. Laboratory and restrooms to the right, main lobby straight ahead, vending machines to the left… yet nothing about the kitchen.

Beomgyu wonders if it's possible he's hallucinated everything up to this point. Coming across the job listing on Indeed, applying, interviewing and then getting hired and attending orientation. Maybe this hospital doesn't even have a kitchen.

He looks at his employee badge. It clearly says his name alongside Nutrition Services and the name of the hospital - Mostarry Medical Center.

Beomgyu heads left towards the vending machines, because vending machines contain food and therefore, the kitchen may be nearby. 

He does not find the kitchen, but he does find the very first person he's seen here this morning.

This person is a patient, Beomgyu is surprised to see. He wears a hospital gown with orange sweatpants underneath, a pair of fuzzy bunny slippers on his feet. He has a yellow wristband on his right arm. Though Beomgyu can't read the words from where he is, he already knows it says FALL RISK - because he had to wear the same band when he was hospitalized. 

It's especially odd that this patient is up and walking around then. He doesn't notice Beomgyu at first, too busy pushing coins into the slot on the vending machine.

He has quite a handsome face, Beomgyu thinks, youthful looking despite being a bit thin and pale. Maybe they're close in age. 

And he's so tall - taller than Beomgyu even. 

A packet of gummy bears falls, and the patient reaches down into the machine and retrieves them with a grin. He has a smile that lights up his entire face, big and heart shaped, truly spreading from ear to ear. 

As funny as it sounds, his smile eases Beomgyu's nerves. There's something contagious about his happiness. 

“Hello,” Beomgyu greets, causing the patient to startle, turning his head in Beomgyu's direction.

“My name is Beomgyu. I was wondering if you know where the kitchen is?”

He then points at his badge. “Employee.”

Beomgyu beams, pleased with how well he communicated that. If Yeonjun was here to witness it, he just knows he would be proud of him as well.

“Oh!” The patient smiles again as he looks down at Beomgyu, who feels his face warm at the eye contact. 

Now looking at the man's face directly, Beomgyu can see he's even cuter than what he'd originally thought. His skin is decorated with several moles - carefully dotted across his face, much like stars in a constellation. If Beomgyu were to trace them, what image would they make? Has to be something pretty.

“The kitchen…”

The patient trails off, mouth opening and closing a couple of times without sound. Beomgyu only continues to stare, taking in the beauty of the man in front of him and wanting him to take his time with answering. If it takes him all morning, that's fine. If Beomgyu misses his entire shift, that's more than okay. 

He can stand here all day.

He tucks a loose strand of hair behind his ear, and watches as the man's eyes grow wider, a blush coming across his cheeks.

Beomgyu frowns. “Are you okay?” he asks, suddenly being reminded of the fact that this man is a patient - a patient at risk of falling, at that - and most definitely should not be up roaming about. 

The patient clears throat. “Oh, um, yeah I'm great,” he stammers. “Sorry. I think the kitchen is down this hall and to the left.”

He points in the direction opposite from where Beomgyu came from. 

“So you - um, work here? We'll be meeting again?”

The patient looks down at the gummy bears he holds, shyly fidgeting with the packet. He's so cute, Beomgyu thinks, so cute it almost makes him upset - the same way he feels when he sees a puppy on his walks or a little baby in the grocery store. They always make him stop and wonder how something so adorable just casually exists. 

“We should be,” Beomgyu answers, smiling. He's feeling bashful himself. 

But he really has no more time to waste. He has to be close to ten minutes late for his shift by now. With a deep bow, Beomgyu says goodbye to the patient and heads in the direction he was pointed towards. 

Thankfully, no one is mad at him. 

The woman training him today is a bit on the grumpy side, but Beomgyu thinks that's just her natural disposition and has nothing to do with him personally. 

That's what he's hoping, at least.

Beomgyu is a Patient Dietary Associate - or PDA for short. A large portion of his job is building and delivering meal trays and taking menus for the patients, with an array of various other kitchen tasks. There was nothing in particular that attracted him to the job. He spammed applications to nearly a hundred listings online, and this just happened to be the one that ended up working out for him.

But he's been told it's a straightforward job with a strict routine that pretty much stays the same from day to day - and that is exactly what he needs. A routine.

Beomgyu quickly learns that speed is a major factor in this job, because they have to get carts out and food delivered at certain times - and this is where he's going to struggle.

He tries to build breakfast trays. The woman deems him as too slow, chastising the way his fingers fumble with the utensils and how quietly he speaks when asking for the food. He gets to build three before being pushed aside. She starts throwing trays together like it's nothing.

“Slow down, it's his first day,” the supervisor, who's overlooking the assembly line, defends. “He has to practice.”

Thank you, Beomgyu thinks, wishing to speak but his tongue feels quite heavy in his mouth.

Delivering the trays goes a little better. The woman explains they have to follow a script - introduce yourself, and verify the patient's name and birth date, making sure it matches the one on the meal ticket that's attached to their tray before giving them the food.

Scripts are good. Beomgyu can follow a script. 

She shoves a tray off the cart and into his hands. Room 249, the ticket reads.

“Let's see how you do.”

Truthfully, Beomgyu had not given much thought to the patient he ran into this morning, because he's been too busy trying to be good at his new job and take in all the information being thrown at him. 

So he's taken by surprise when he walks into 249 and sees him yet again. Sitting up in bed, a laptop balanced on his lap. He's swapped the gown for a sweatshirt. There's several get well soon cards and a bouquet of hydrangeas decorating his windowsill, a few stuffies of various sizes occupying the bedside chair. 

Briefly, Beomgyu is hit with an odd feeling of deja vu. His own hospital room had been filled with cards and his mother kept fresh flowers on his bedside table at all times, rotating between different kinds each week.

The patient looks up, eyes widening when he sees Beomgyu.

“Oh! Sorry for the mess.” He begins scrambling to tidy his rolling table, which is crowded with packets of snacks, a Nintendo Switch, and various other items such as a toothbrush and phone charger.

Beomgyu takes a breath. He has a script to do.

“Hello, my name is Beomgyu,” he says. “I'm with Nutrition Services. Can you please tell me your name and date of birth?”

He glances over at his coworker. Her arms are crossed, and she's frowning. 

Oh no. Did Beomgyu forget something? He tries not to panic, offering the patient a shaky smile before looking down at the meal ticket. 

“Huening Kai, 08-14-02.”

Huening Kai. 

Beomgyu has never met a Huening Kai before. Certainly, this one must be the only one in existence. 

Kai smiles back at him with a charming, toothy grin, and Beomgyu can't ignore the way his pulse skips. There's a brief moment where it feels like the world has been reduced to just the two of them. Beomgyu forgets where he's at and what he's doing - he wonders to himself if Kai would mind if he sat down and had a chat. It would give Beomgyu some company.

It's been so long since Beomgyu had company. He has Yeonjun, of course, and he's eternally grateful for him, but he's in need of a different type of company.

Beomgyu's tried, but everyone he has talked to feels like he would be too much of a burden. Maybe Kai wouldn't be as bothered by Beomgyu's weakened mind. 

Abruptly, Beomgyu is pulled from his thoughts when his coworker yanks the tray he's holding out of his hands and sets it down on Kai's rolling table.

“I'm sorry, Kai-ssi - he's training. Enjoy your breakfast.”

Blush creeps up Beomgyu's face, the tips of his ears red hot as he remembers he's here to work, not stare down an attractive man all day. He doesn't even have time to apologize himself before his coworker is pushing him out of the room.

“You are moving far too slow,” she scolds. “We spent all that time in one room and still have half a cart to deliver.”

“Oh, no, I'm sorry.” Beomgyu clasps his hands together, pleading for forgiveness. He wonders if it's possible to get fired on his very first day.

“I can toss these last few out right fast, but you'll be on your own in a few days and can't afford to take up so much time.”

“I can try again -”

“No. Maybe at lunch.”

Beomgyu nods, taking a breath. His eyes are stinging, but he manages to do a good job at holding himself together. 

The rest of the day is just okay. Beomgyu doesn't allow himself to get distracted anymore. When he enters Kai's room at lunch and dinner, he makes sure to avoid eye contact so he doesn't get lost in the other's gaze. It hurts him to be rude. Especially because Kai is so lovely, and says thank you each time. 

Beomgyu's feet are burning by the end of his shift. Ten hours is no joke. He limps pitifully towards the bus stop across the street from the hospital.

He did okay.

Just okay.

He could do a lot better.

“It was hard,” he tells Yeonjun when he gets home. Yeonjun has cooked what Beomgyu calls fancy ramen, with pork belly and soft boiled eggs and sheets of nori. It's one of Beomgyu's favorite comfort meals. Yeonjun must have known he was going to need it.

Yeonjun hums, slurping a noodle before replying. “It's going to be for a while,” he tells Beomgyu, “but you can do hard things.”

Beomgyu isn't so sure. He looks down at his bowl full of ramen. Yeonjun has overfilled it. Beomgyu has never been one to have a huge appetite, but since his hospitalization, it's dwindled down to almost nothing. There's some days where Yeonjun has to remind him to eat. He may not be hungry, but his body still needs the fuel.

Still, he's not going to be able to eat all of this. He picks up a piece of pork belly and pops it into his mouth. Even chewing feels like it takes so much effort.

“How's the people you work with?” Yeonjun asks. He's already halfway through his bowl. “They have a huge impact on how much you enjoy a job.”

Beomgyu shrugs.

“They're okay.”

He thinks about the one who was training him today. He can't even remember her name.

Far too slow, she'd said. 

Beomgyu breathes in, breathes out. He's already feeling so full. He balances his chopsticks across the edge of his bowl. 

Yeonjun is carefully watching him. “Just okay?” he pushes, fishing for more information. He can tell something is bothering Beomgyu.

Beomgyu's eyes are stinging again, and this time, he allows the moisture to come free, for the tears to drip down his face. He knows it's okay to do so around Yeonjun.

Eternally grateful for Yeonjun. Yes he is.

“I got scolded a bit,” Beomgyu sniffs, taking the napkin Yeonjun quietly passes over to him so he can wipe his face. “I have to be faster.”

Yeonjun frowns. “It's your first day, Beom,” he says. “You're learning.”

“I might be slow for a while.”

Beomgyu weeps into the napkin. His heart is heavy with the grief it carries, and sometimes, it becomes too much to handle. Especially on days like today, when he is reminded once again of how different things have gotten for him. It's been two years. He wonders if he'll ever get used to it. 

“That's perfectly fine, Beomgyu,” Yeonjun comforts. “Things will get better. And if they don't, it's not the end of the world. There's other jobs out there, yeah?”

Beomgyu nods.

“There has to be one good thing about today. Just one.”

Beomgyu's first instinct is to tell Yeonjun no - there was nothing good that happened today. He fumbled his way through all ten hours, barely scraping by until it was finally time to clock out, enduring the harsh words of his coworker.

Then Beomgyu remembers Huening Kai. Handsome Kai, with his sweet smile and beautiful face, the moles that decorate his skin and the perfect slope of his nose. Beomgyu can't keep himself from smiling, the grin gradually stretching across his face. 

“There's this one patient,” Beomgyu says.

“Oh?” Yeonjun leans in with interest, eyebrows quirked up. “Tell me about them.”

So Beomgyu does. He tells Yeonjun everything he knows about Kai - which isn't very much at all, so most of what he tells him is about how beautiful he is and how kindly he treated Beomgyu. Of course, the other patients he interacted with today - all elderly people - were also nice and were very curious about him since he's a brand new face, but there was just something about Kai. 

Beomgyu is feeling better, as he usually does whenever Yeonjun prompts him into talking about something good. 

“I would have never thought of moles like stars in a constellation,” Yeonjun muses. “You have a way with words.”

Beomgyu scoffs. “Are you teasing me, hyung?”

“Maybe.”

Yeonjun stands, fondly carding a hand through Beomgyu's hair before gathering their dishes to be thrown into the dishwasher.

“Kai sounds cool though,” he smiles. “Absolutely go for it.”

Yeonjun's encouragement is greatly appreciated, but for the next few days, Beomgyu doesn't get a chance to see or speak to Kai. He gets placed with someone else to train him, and they deliver in a different area of the hospital. 

Beomgyu would be more disappointed, but this person is much nicer and more patient than the coworker he was with on his first day, so he doesn't mind the change. He really needs to focus on his job, anyway. At least until he's been here for a little while and has everything down pat. 

Very selfishly, Beomgyu hopes Kai isn't discharged before he's able to see him again.

Towards the end of his first week, Beomgyu's prayers are answered. He's in the kitchen wiping down handcarts when his supervisor steps out of her office.

“Beomgyu, 249 called for more grape juice. Can you take a few up to him, please?”

“I would love to,” Beomgyu answers.

He wastes no time at all grabbing an armful of grape juice, wanting to make sure he brings enough - the juice cups are so tiny and don't contain much juice at all. They're the same little cups he remembers getting from the cafeteria at school. Even as a child, they didn't seem like enough. They definitely aren't for a grown man.

When Beomgyu walks into the room, Kai's face lights up - and it may be because of the juice, but, somewhat delusionally, Beomgyu chooses to believe it's because he's happy to see him.

Something has changed, though. Kai now has padding on either side of him, attached to the railings of his bed. It causes Beomgyu to pause. 

When he was in the hospital, there was a brief period where he also required padding.

Beomgyu remembers very little about that time - he was still out of it, teetering on the edge of unconsciousness for the majority of his days. The first morning he woke up and discovered the padding, in a state of confusion, he'd tried to rip it off his railings. He clung to the padding so hard his knuckles were white. 

Both his father and his mother were there, and as far as Beomgyu can remember, neither one was able to release the padding from his ironclad grip. He doesn't know how they eventually got him to let go.

“You had a seizure, Beomgyu-ssi,” the doctor told him later on, as he was doing his rounds. “This is to keep you safe.”

Beomgyu wonders if that's what the padding on Kai's bed means as well. The question is on the tip of his tongue, but Beomgyu swallows back the words. During his training, he was told that discussing the patients’ medical issues is a big no. He's strictly here for dietary aid, that's it.

Instead, Beomgyu smiles.

“Grape juice,” he announces, walking over to Kai's rolling table and dumping the contents of his arms onto it. A few of the little cups roll onto the floor. He scrambles to pick them up.

“I'm sorry,” he apologizes, but Kai is still smiling.

“No - thanks so much!” he says, grabbing a juice and tearing it open. “I was expecting one or two, this is great.”

Beomgyu beams.

“It's my pleasure.”

Kai sputters, some of the juice he'd just taken a sip of dribbling down his chin. He's bright red. For a moment, Beomgyu worries he's choking, and wonders if he's able to remember how to do the Heimlich maneuver. Or maybe it'll be quicker to run and grab a nurse.

“Are you alright, Kai?” he asks, taking a hesitant step forward.

Kai wipes at his mouth with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, coughing into the fabric. 

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he says. “Never been better. I, um, yeah, sorry. It's just kinda nice to see you again? I was worried when you didn't come back…”

His hand shakes. Juice spills onto the front of his sweatshirt. Kai swears and mumbles something under his breath that sounds a lot like, “I'm so fucking lame.”

Beomgyu ignores that - though he thinks Kai is very much not lame, not at all, he doesn't want to make it obvious that he heard what Kai said and cause further embarrassment to him. What he's focused on is that Kai had been thinking about Beomgyu, had been looking for him. The fact gives Beomgyu so much happiness he feels as if he could burst.

“Could you give me a paper towel?” Kai asks, his mood noticeably deflated. “And then you can go, sorry to hold you up.”

Nodding, Beomgyu grabs a paper towel from the dispenser next to the sink, dampening it with a bit of water. Kai holds his hand out expectedly, but Beomgyu ignores it. 

He leans over and begins to wipe at the juice spot himself. It's absolutely ridiculous how much the action causes his pulse to race. He hopes Kai doesn't think he's overstepping any boundaries. There's just something so endearing about the patient, a definite soft spot in Beomgyu's heart despite the few interactions they've had.

But as Beomgyu wipes at the stain, he can feel Kai's own quickening heart rate through the fabric of his sweatshirt. 

Beomgyu finds that encouraging. He gets really brave. He turns his focus on the leftover juice around Kai's mouth that he had missed earlier, gently dabbing around the area. 

Kai freezes, letting out a soft gasp. But he doesn't pull away, and he doesn't say anything. Just stares at Beomgyu with wide eyes and shaky pupils. 

Beomgyu can't stop himself from giggling.

“All better?” he asks once he pulls back.

“Y-yeah, thanks.”

Beomgyu shakes his head. “No problem,” he says. “I'm happy to see you again as well, you know. I can always come back.”

Kai smiles, face brightening. If he was a puppy, Beomgyu can easily see there being a wagging tail and tall ears at attention. That's absolutely the energy Kai carries - an adorable little puppy. So cute. Too cute.

“Please do.”

Beomgyu keeps his promise.

He visits Kai everyday he's at work, starting off with quick little pit stops whenever he's upstairs. 

Though he doesn't deliver meals to Kai's wing, he makes time to run over to his room for a minute or two after he's finished. He can never stay for too long. Beomgyu is acutely aware of the time constraints he's on. He knows he shouldn't even be spending the extra five to ten minutes upstairs, but he can't help it. 

Stepping into Kai's room and being greeted by his signature heart shaped grin is easily the best part of Beomgyu's shifts. Kai never fails to put him in a good mood.

It's been a long time since Beomgyu has felt so… happy. Truly unbridled joy. 

His accident and the months-long hospitalization that followed really put a damper on his entire life. Literally everything changed overnight, and though it's been a couple years now, Beomgyu is still trying to grip onto a more positive mindset.

It's just sometimes, he is very aware of how different he is, especially whenever he's interacting with other people. 

With Kai, Beomgyu feels… not normal, no, he won't ever feel completely normal again. But he feels close to it. 

Because Kai doesn't bat an eye if it takes Beomgyu an extra moment to process his words. Kai waits patiently whenever Beomgyu forgets what he's saying and has to restart his sentences. Kai never rushes him when he stutters or attempts to guess at what words Beomgyu is trying to say - which is one of his biggest pet peeves and something many people do, for whatever reason.

In a world where Beomgyu often feels like some sort of alien that's recently landed on Earth, Kai makes him feel human again.

And so, Beomgyu looks forward to his visits after every meal. As soon as his last tray is delivered, he heads over to Kai's wing as fast as he can. He barely has to think about where he's heading. His feet automatically carry him to room 249.

This morning, when he excitedly throws open the door to greet Kai, the smile he's met with is a lot more subdued than it usually is. It doesn't meet Kai's eyes - which are surrounded by dark circles, as if he had a restless night.

“Are you alright?” Beomgyu worries, stepping up to his bedside. “You look tired.”

Kai nods. “I am,” he admits, and at the same moment, he's overtaken by a yawn, further confirming his words. “I couldn't really sleep last night.”

Beomgyu hums, reaching over to brush a few stray strands of hair out of Kai's eyes. Though tired, Kai still looks up at him with what Beomgyu is pretty certain is adoration. The look never fails to turn his mind into mush. 

“Are you alright?” he repeats, failing to come up with anything other than that.

“I had a consultation with my medical team yesterday,” Kai says, “and it didn't go how I wanted.”

He looks away, gently pulling himself from Beomgyu's touch. Beomgyu swears he can see Kai's eyes become glossy as he stares out the window.

It takes a moment for Beomgyu to fully process what Kai has said, and when he does, he has to stop himself from falling into a frantic spiral. Admittedly, he's been enjoying his visits to Kai's room so much that he forgot he's still a sick patient in a hospital. After the first few days, Beomgyu stopped paying attention to their surroundings and only focused on Kai.

Momentarily forgetting his training, Beomgyu asks, “Bad news?”

“Kind of,” Kai mumbles. Beomgyu's heart plummets.

Kai faces him again, giving him another smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

“I'll be okay, hyung,” he says. “I promise. Especially as long as you keep coming to see me.”

“I will,” Beomgyu is quick to answer, a hand clutching his chest. “Absolutely, Kai. I always will. Visiting you is the best part of my day.”

Blush blooms across Kai's cheeks, his skin turning the prettiest pink as he smiles once again - and this time, it's genuine. It's the toothy grin Beomgyu loves, the one he's grown to look forward to seeing every day now. 

“It's… the best part of mine too,” Kai shyly returns.

Beomgyu's pulse quickens, and he feels his own face beginning to heat up.

“Oh,” he breathes. Knowing Kai enjoys this just as much as he does brings Beomgyu an indescribable amount of joy. He feels as if he's floating, the ground beneath his feet disappearing and the ceiling opening up into the Heavens above as he drifts away. 

Rather stupidly, he's unable to say anything else, partly because his mind is too far gone to form proper sentences. Instead, he's simply just feeling. Even if Beomgyu could speak, he doubts he would be able to find any adequate words to say.

But of course, Kai understands. With a gentle squeeze to Beomgyu's hand, he says goodbye and tells him he's looking forward to seeing him later.

Beomgyu doesn't realize the time until he gets back downstairs.

His supervisor immediately calls him into her office, her arms crossed and mouth turned into a frown. It's only then Beomgyu looks up at the clock that hangs on her wall and sees that he's well past twenty minutes late. He should have been back down ages ago.

“Sit down, Beomgyu.”

He does, hands trembling in his lap as he fidgets with the hem of his uniform top. 

“I'm really sorry,” he apologizes. “I didn't realize the time. I'm not late on purpose.”

It's the truth. Yes, he was in an entirely different wing of the hospital than he was supposed to be, but he truly didn't mean to stay for so long. He's been diligent at keeping his visits to Kai at only a couple of minutes, but today - today, time simply ran away from him. 

“I know,” she sighs. “I know you're not, Beomgyu. You're a hard worker with a positive attitude. It's just your timing is very off.”

Oh. Well, maybe Beomgyu hasn't been being as careful as he thought, then.

He nods, looking down, unable to face her due to the guilt that's overtaking him. He does appreciate the compliment - knowing he's perceived as being a hard worker is a nice feeling, but in a way, it makes him feel even worse. She thinks he's a good worker when he's been sneaking off and visiting a patient he has no business seeing. Nothing work related, that is.

“I'm thinking about switching you around a bit,” she then says.

He allows himself to look back up at her, tilting his head in question.

“I think you'd do much better in cold prep,” she continues. “You'd be in charge of all cold desserts and foods for the patients, as well as the salad and fruit bar for the cafeteria. Chopping and preparing produce, assembling parfaits, making sandwiches, not much else. What do you say?”

“Cold prep?” Beomgyu repeats. No, it doesn't sound too bad at all. It sounds quite straightforward and simple - anyone can put together a sandwich. Anyone can cut up strawberries.

“The position would be better suited for you and your condition. You won't have to stress about speed as much.”

Ah. 

Beomgyu swallows back the lump in his throat. He doesn't know why he's getting emotional. She hasn't said anything out of pocket. In fact, she's speaking nothing but the truth - it does sound like a better job for him. Something he can handle a lot easier. 

“Okay,” he mumbles, blinking rapidly. He is determined not to cry in front of her. “I can do it.”

“Starting next week.” She smiles, and that helps Beomgyu feel a little better. At least she's not mad, or he's not losing his job.

Still, Beomgyu decides against seeing Kai for the rest of his shift. It kills him, because he knows Kai is looking out for him around mealtimes, but Beomgyu just doesn't want to get in trouble anymore. He delivers his trays and immediately comes downstairs like he's supposed to. 

That evening, Yeonjun is gone when Beomgyu arrives home. It takes Beomgyu a good fifteen minutes before he remembers that Yeonjun mentioned something about going on a date the other day.

Given he's dedicated much of his time to Beomgyu for the past couple of years, it's his first proper date in a while. He's had the occasional hook up now and then - Beomgyu knows very well, since the walls to their apartment are paper thin, but nothing too serious. 

Where did Yeonjun say he met this guy? As a customer at the coffee shop he works, if Beomgyu is remembering correctly. Beautiful round eyes and deliciously toned biceps, that's how Yeonjun had described him.

Beomgyu is happy for him. He's been hounding Yeonjun to go out and meet people for a while now.

Still, he can't help but pout a bit at coming home to an empty apartment after his rough day at work. And sometimes, Beomgyu can have a hard time being alone.

He fidgets as he waits for his microwavable TV dinner to finish heating up, shuffling from foot to foot, rubbing his hands together. Something catches his eye on their little dining table - the newspaper,  haphazardly folded, the sales papers inside spilling out. Beomgyu snorts. Yeonjun can be such an old man sometimes.

Just to give his hands something to do, Beomgyu starts flipping through. The text is too small for him to actually read. He simply skims the headlines and glances at the photos.

A photo of a woman on a bike, grinning brightly into the camera, a first place medal thrown around her neck, catches his attention.

Ah. Beomgyu used to ride his bike quite a bit. 

In fact, he had just received a new one right before his accident. A birthday gift from his parents and his brother, the three of them all chipping quite a bit of money. Beomgyu's old bike was worn. He had had it since he was fourteen. 

Beomgyu got to ride his new bike three times before it was totaled in the accident. Turned into nothing more than scrap metal. Beomgyu has a very faint memory of laying facedown on the asphalt and watching a single wheel spin as he faded in and out of consciousness. 

It's all he remembers. That, and the way his entire vision flipped upside down when the car made impact.

The microwave dings. Beomgyu drops the newspaper like it burns, quickly shutting the page on the smiling woman.

It's another couple of hours before Yeonjun gets home. Beomgyu stays up and waits on him, unable to get any good rest while he's by himself. He's wrapped in a blanket on the couch when Yeonjun walks in - lightly smelling of alcohol and wearing a giant, stupid grin.

“It went well, hyung?” Beomgyu asks. 

Yeonjun throws himself on the couch next to him. “More than well - it went amazing,” he sighs, leaning his head back against the cushion and closing his eyes. “Taehyun's like, perfect. You have to meet him, Beomgyu, you'd love him.”

Beomgyu smiles, pleased that Yeonjun had such an enjoyable date and has found someone he really likes. There really is nothing better.

“I'm sure I would. I'm glad you had fun,” he says. “You deserve good company.”

Yeonjun opens his eyes, tilting his head curiously as he looks at Beomgyu. “I already have ‘good company’,” he says. “Don't we live together?”

“Yeah, but a different kind of company, you know.”

Yeonjun hums. “I know you've been worried about me sticking at home for the past couple of years, but I haven't minded it. Not at all. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, hyung.”

“I was actually talking to Taehyun about you,” Yeonjun continues. “His best friend has been dealing with health issues and has been in the hospital for a while now. Sucks, of course, but…I know what it's like. Having a shared experience like that is kinda nice.”

“Are they in Mostarry?” Beomgyu wonders.

“He didn't say. Could be.”

“If you found out, maybe we could all meet.”

Yeonjun smiles, flopping his head over onto Beomgyu's shoulder. “That would be great, Beom,” he says. “I'll definitely ask. But enough about me now - how was your day?”

Beomgyu sighs.

“I got myself into trouble,” he mumbles. 

He recounts his day to Yeonjun, feeling much like a child telling their parents about having a bad day at school. Beomgyu's not only embarrassed, but he's also disappointed in himself. His first public job since his accident, and he's already screwing things up. The worst part about it is it's not even because of his condition - it's because of something entirely within his control.

Continuously sneaking off to a patient's room just because Beomgyu has a crush and an inescapable need to see and talk to said patient - how ridiculous is that? Now that Beomgyu is talking about it out loud…

“I'm so stupid!” he exclaims, burying his face into his hands and letting out a huff of frustration.“What is wrong with me?”

Yeonjun laughs, though nothing about this is a laughing matter. 

“Nothing's wrong with you,” he says. “Love makes people do dumb things.”

“You think it's love?”

“Obviously.”

That only makes Beomgyu groan, curling in on himself, arms tightly hugging his knees to his chest. It's been a while since he's been in any kind of serious relationship - and even then, would he have said he was truly in love? He liked the partners he had and enjoyed the time they spent together though none of them worked out in the long run. But still, he's never before felt the way he's feeling for Kai. 

So maybe it is… love, Beomgyu thinks.

Cold prep ends up being pretty fun and definitely a lot less stressful. Beomgyu is at his own little station all day with minimum interaction with the other staff and no obligations to go upstairs. Just listening to music as he chops fruits and dips up pudding cups along with various other tasks.

Yeonjun gives Beomgyu the idea to visit Kai during his lunch breaks, so that's what he decides to start doing.

It's genius. Beomgyu could slap himself for not thinking of it sooner. 

Nearly a week has passed since Beomgyu last visited Kai, having spent his last few shifts as a PDA strictly sticking to his side of the hospital. He misses Kai. Beomgyu isn't ashamed to admit he's thought about him almost constantly - even dreamt of him. Dreams where they're not limited to speaking in a hospital.

That would be nice - if Kai could become well enough to be discharged, and they could arrange to meet elsewhere. Beomgyu could invite him to his apartment and try to cook a good meal. He's not too bad at cooking.

There's a part of Beomgyu that's worried once Kai is discharged, he'll no longer be bothered about Beomgyu. He worries Kai only sees him as a temporary infatuation. Being stuck in the hospital and only interacting with a handful of people a day has to become monotonous. Perhaps he's only drawn to Beomgyu because he's bored.

Yeonjun told him that's nonsense thinking. Beomgyu hopes he's right.

Beomgyu is so anxious to see Kai again that he takes the stairs instead of waiting on the elevator - though he's breathless by the time he gets to his floor. Yes, it's been a minute since he last worked out.

Kai is asleep. Curled around one of his oversized stuffies, chest slowly rising and falling. Even asleep, he still somehow looks… tired. The paleness of his face caused the dark circles around his eyes to seem even more prominent. 

Quietly, Beomgyu sits down in the bedside chair. 

Alongside his yellow fall risk band, Kai now has a grey band wrapped around his wrist as well. Beomgyu is unable to make out the words on it due to Kai's sleeping position. He wonders what it means - he didn't have to wear a grey band during his own hospitalization.

The first week or so after waking up from his accident, Beomgyu wore a blue band - behavioral risk - because the confusion he suffered caused him to lash out. He remembers very little. 

Afterwards, once he was discharged and back at home, Yeonjun admitted how frightened he was during Beomgyu's aggressive period and worried that Beomgyu would never return to being his usual gentle self. The doctors said it was a possibility. 

The mind is so fragile and so easily damaged. Beomgyu didn't realize until his accident.

“Beomgyu hyung?”

Kai stirs, rubbing at his sleepy eyes with a fist. “You came back?”

Beomgyu scoots the chair closer to the bed, as close as it can possibly go. His chest is heavy with guilt as he reaches over to take Kai's hand. It feels colder than it should be.

“Yes,” he answers. “I'm sorry I haven't visited, Kai. Work related stuff.”

“I tried looking for you so many times.” Kai holds up his free hand, where the grey band dangles off his wrist. “So they labeled me as an elopement risk. Now if I try to get up a stupid alarm goes off.”

Beomgyu giggles.

“Sounds like it's for your own safety,” he says. “I'm here now. I'll be here everyday, on my lunch breaks, so...”

So we can spend more time together, Beomgyu is trying to say but he's distracted by Kai grinning, wide and toothy, and Beomgyu's mind goes mushy. He's missed that smile so much over the past week.

Fortunately, Kai seems to understand him. As he always does. “That sounds great, hyung.”

Beomgyu beams. 

But the joy he's experiencing due to getting to see Kai again is quickly cut off. Suddenly, the smile drops off Kai's face and he looks at Beomgyu with such a forlorn expression it causes Beomgyu's heart to plummet all the way down to his feet. 

He becomes so much more aware of their surroundings then. The white, sterile hospital room. The IV pole next to Kai's bed, its tube snaking its way up into Kai's arm. The padding on the bed railings. The way Kai's hand somehow seems to grow even colder in his grasp. He remembers what Kai told him during his last visit - he had received ‘kind of’ bad news from his medical team.

Beomgyu's throat is bone dry. He wishes he had a cup of water. 

“So,” Kai says, voice quiet. “I'm going into surgery in a few days.”

Oh. Beomgyu nods, encouraging Kai to continue speaking though he himself is unable to.

“I was trying so hard to find you so I could let you know. I didn't want you to come back up here one day and find me gone.”

“Gone?” Beomgyu repeats, failing to keep his voice from shaking.

Kai's eyes widen, and he's quick to correct himself. “As in, not in my room anymore,” he says, smoothing his thumb over Beomgyu's knuckles. “I'll be in the intensive care unit for a bit after surgery. I'm not like…dying, but I also don't know if I'll be completely okay or not.”

“I'm sure you'll be fine, Kai-yah.”

It's a knee-jerk reaction to reassure, one that Beomgyu immediately regrets because he remembers when he himself was in the hospital. The empty promises of how he was going to be okay did little to help him feel better - though he knew the people around him meant well. Sometimes, he wished they would actually engage with him and his fears, actually talk through them instead of trying to brush them under the rug.

Because there was always that possibility that Beomgyu wasn't going to be okay, and he needed to know what would happen then. He wanted the reassurance that even if things weren't completely fine, it wasn't gonna be the end of the world. He wanted to know there was still going to be hope no matter the outcome.

So Beomgyu takes a deep breath and tries again.

“Are you worried about not being okay?” he asks.

Kai hums, pausing in thought for a moment before answering.

“I am,” he admits, “because… it's brain surgery, and I'm worried about the potential negative effects it'll have on my cognitive function and personality. And then on top of that, what if it doesn't even work?”

“I have epilepsy,” he continues, “and I've been on four different medications without any luck controlling it. So this surgery is supposed to help, but… there's a lot that could go wrong. There's a lot that could change for me. I'm just scared of waking up and being a different person.”

Beomgyu could cry. In fact, he has to look away, look down at the tiled floor and blink away the moisture that threatens to spill. 

He wasn't expecting all of that, wasn't expecting to relate so much to what Kai is going through. 

It happened to him. Waking up and just being different, his brain suddenly altered and feeling as if he had to learn how to be human again. The effort he had to put forth in order to get better and return to some resemblance of his former self. Kai has a valid fear.

“I'm sorry if I upset you, hyung,” Kai apologizes after Beomgyu says nothing for two whole minutes. “I'm sure I will be fine, don't worry about me.”

Beomgyu shakes his head.

He won't deny he's upset, but Kai shouldn't be apologizing for it. He takes a deep breath and swallows back the thick lump in his throat.

“It's fine,” he says, quietly. “I understand - kind of. I don't have epilepsy, but I was in an accident and suffered brain damage. What you just said - like, I woke up and nothing was the same -”

The memories are blurry and fragmented, but the pieces that remain still hurt. Beomgyu woke up confused and frightened, unable to communicate or move or even just think. It's like his entire existence had been simplified. He was alive. He saw his parents and his brother. He saw Yeonjun. He recognized them all, but there was nothing beyond that. 

Or rather, Beomgyu wasn't able to reach beyond that. He would try. He would try his best to chase down words that sat on the tip of his tongue, but they wouldn't come. Not for a long while. 

It was frustrating. Perhaps that's why his first week was so aggressive. He had no other way to express himself and how much of a living hell he was in.

“Oh, Beomgyu,” Kai mumbles, his thumb smoothing across Beomgyu's palm. “I'm sorry. I didn't know.”

“No worries. I'm better…”

…than I used to be. Beomgyu's voice gives out before he can finish his sentence.

“If it brings you any solace,” Kai says, “I think you're doing great. Maybe there's hope for me.”

Beomgyu nods. 

“Always,” he promises.

He still has so much more to say, so much more to share, but words fail him. They sit in silence for the last few remaining minutes of his lunch break.

Beomgyu manages to keep himself held together until that evening. 

When he walks through the door, Yeonjun takes one look at him and asks what's wrong. That's all it takes for Beomgyu to break down into a blubbering, incoherent mess, unable to do much other than sob in Yeonjun's arms.

Yeonjun handles it well, allowing Beomgyu to let everything out for as long as he needs, even if he doesn't exactly understand what is causing his upset. He guides Beomgyu to the sofa and cocoons the two of them in one of Beomgyu's weighted quilts. 

Beomgyu's head is throbbing by the time he quiets down. He presses his face against Yeonjun's shoulder, blocking out the light, sniffling as Yeonjun combs his fingers through his hair. 

“Ready to talk?” Yeonjun murmurs after several minutes of silence.

Beomgyu whines.

“All I could understand was something about Kai and brain surgery,” Yeonjun says. “Is he okay?”

It takes a while, perhaps a lot longer than it should, for Beomgyu to recount the news Kai gave him today. It's all so painful to repeat, to think about Kai having to go through such a thing - Beomgyu can't stand it. It really isn't fair. Kai is the sweetest, kindest, most genuine person Beomgyu has ever met. Why has he been dealt these cards? Why does he have to have surgery, why hasn't any medications helped control his seizures, why does he have them in the first place?

It's so unfair.

“Fuck, that's rough,” Yeonjun sighs, tightening his grip on Beomgyu.

“I just don't want him to end up like me,” Beomgyu says, blinking back a fresh wave of tears that threaten to spill. 

Yeonjun frowns.

“Like you?” he echoes.

“All different.”

“Ah,” Yeonjun says. “I get it, and I get why you say that, but…”

He trails off, seemingly hesitant to continue, but he does once Beomgyu gives an encouraging nod.

He isn't expecting what Yeonjun then says. “Beom, obviously, I wish your accident never happened. I wish you had never gotten hurt. If only that fucking asshole hadn't been speeding -”

Yeonjun grits his teeth, then takes a deep breath, grounding himself.

“I wish it didn't happen,” he repeats, “but unfortunately, it did. And you've had to deal with the effects ever since. I know your hospitalization was rough, and you still struggle - but there is so much you have overcome. You have made great leaps of improvement since. And you haven't been alone either. You've had the support of your family and best friend.”

Yeonjun continues, “It's the same with Kai's situation. What's happening really sucks, but… no matter what the outcome is, no matter how many bad days he might have - he's going to come out of it. Like you, he'll also improve and get better and he has the support of his loved ones.”

“I know a lot has changed, but you're still Choi Beomgyu. And Kai will still be Kai. Always. You get what I'm saying?”

“I think so,” Beomgyu answers after taking a moment to process Yeonjun's monologue. 

Yeonjun is right. Despite everything, through it all, Beomgyu has remained Beomgyu. Perhaps his mind is different and speaking doesn't come as easily as it once did, but it hasn't changed his core. He still holds the same thoughts and beliefs as he always has. He still likes all the same things, as well as dislikes - he thinks no amount of brain damage could ever make him enjoy tomatoes in any capacity.

He still loves the same way, with his entire heart and soul. 

Maybe it will be the same for Kai, if his brain were to suffer from any side effects from this surgery. He'll still be the very same man that Beomgyu has grown to love. Nothing would ever change that.

Beomgyu pulls away from Yeonjun, wiping his eyes dry. He's feeling a lot better now.

“Thanks, hyung.”

Yeonjun smiles. “Anytime, Beom. Let's order something in and just chill tonight. You're off work tomorrow, aren't you?”

Beomgyu nods. “I am, but…” he trails off shyly, fidgeting with a loose thread hanging off of the quilt. “I was actually thinking about going in and visiting Kai. Spend the whole day with him.”

Yeonjun's grin only grows wider.

“I think that's a great idea.”

So that's what Beomgyu does. He spends the entire next two days with Kai.

When he walks in the first day, he's anxious, worried about coming in unannounced and that Kai isn't going to be happy about having an unexpected guest - but of course, that's not how it goes at all. Kai's face lights up and he welcomes Beomgyu excitedly, cheering when Beomgyu shyly tells him he'll be staying all day.

“Only if you don't mind, of course.”

“Are you kidding? I would love for you to stay, hyung!”

They use the time to get to know each other and their lives outside of the hospital. They both have quite a bit in common - a shared love of music and playing guitar, playing video games, living with their best friends. Beomgyu explains how he chose to continue living with Yeonjun even after his accident because he needed that sense of normalcy, at least, and the feeling of independence. 

“I know exactly what you mean,” Kai says. Beomgyu went down and got ice cream and snacks from the cafeteria - 20% off thanks to his employee discount - and they were currently feasting. “I live with Soobin and Taehyun for the same reasons.”

“Taehyun?” Beomgyu repeats, frowning as he tries to remember where he's heard that name. “He sounds familiar.”

“I may have mentioned him before,” Kai says. Beomgyu decides that must be it. 

Beomgyu's throat hurts by the end of the day from the amount of talking they had done. He isn't used to speaking so much. He's had a particularly good brain day - he rarely stuttered and forgot any words.

The second day is also the day before Kai's surgery, and Beomgyu wakes up with a painful knot in his stomach, a sense of dread threatening to overtake him. He gets teary eyed during breakfast, almost crying into the cup of coffee Yeonjun makes for him, but he manages to pull himself together. 

He wants to be happy today. So even with as difficult as it is, he puts a smile on his face when he visits Kai.

Kai is in his chair today, the plushies relocated to his bed. 

“I wanna sit up as much as I can today,” he explains to Beomgyu. “I imagine I'll be bedridden for a few days after surgery.”

He tries to mirror Beomgyu's smile, but the movement is shaky.

Beomgyu nods understandingly, taking his seat in the visitor's chair.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Alright. Nervous, but I'm ready.”

“That's good,” Beomgyu encourages.

“If everything goes well, that is,” Kai sighs. He reaches over and grabs one of the plushies off his bed, hugging it to his chest and resting his cheek on its fluffy head. 

“I've really enjoyed our time together, hyung.”

“You say that like it's a goodbye,” Beomgyu says. He holds out his hand, and Kai takes it, his fingers grasping onto Beomgyu's tightly. “I'll be right there when you wake up, I promise. I'll visit you every day in your new room.”

“What about once I'm home?” Kai mumbles, looking away from Beomgyu. “Will this be continuing, or…?”

Beomgyu blinks, taking a moment to understand what Kai is asking. “Kai, of course,” he reassures once he does. “I know we haven't known each other long, but this is… real to me. I really like you, you're good company.”

“Oh?” Kai smiles, meeting Beomgyu's eyes once again. “Just good?”

Beomgyu laughs. “The best.”

The rest of the day is quiet and simple. Beomgyu orders food to be delivered, all of Kai's favorites because he isn't allowed to eat after midnight that night. They watch a couple of random movies that come on the television - none are very good, but they enjoy giggling at the silly plots and questionable acting anyway.

Beomgyu doesn't want the day to end. He enjoys spending time with Kai so much. Nighttime comes far too quickly, and the cut off for visiting hours - 9 pm - approaches fast. 

Kai begins yawning as well, obviously worn out from the day even if they didn't do much. With Beomgyu's help, he gets tucked back into bed. The plushies stay, cozily swarmed around him to keep him company throughout the night. As silly as it sounds, Beomgyu feels better knowing that Kai isn't completely alone. He has his fluffy friends.

“Good night, Kai.”

Beomgyu leans down and plants a soft kiss against Kai's forehead. Even in the night, he can see the way the tips of Kai's ears grow red.

And yet, he asks, “C-could you do that again, hyung?”

Giggling, Beomgyu obeys, pressing his lips against Kai's head once again, this time lingering a few seconds longer. 

Beomgyu walks out of the hospital feeling a lot lighter than he had this morning.

The next morning, nausea prevents Beomgyu from being able to eat breakfast.

Instead, he sips on his cup of tea and nibbles on a piece of toast. Yeonjun must have known he wasn't going to be up for eating this morning, because he hasn't cooked much food at all. Beomgyu can feel his eyes glued on him from across the dining table. 

As soon as Beomgyu learned the date for Kai's surgery, he booked the day off - and so did Yeonjun, insisting that he be there for emotional support. Beomgyu told him it wasn't necessary, but truth be told, he's glad Yeonjun is coming along with him. He doesn't know if he could wait through the four hour surgery alone. Kai's friends will also be there, but still. Having a more familiar face with him will do Beomgyu good.

“I'm excited to finally meet Kai,” Yeonjun tells him. “Does he know I'm coming?”

Beomgyu nods. Kai has been keen on meeting Yeonjun as well, but Beomgyu is unable to verbally elaborate. He's not having much luck with his words this morning.

“Once he's better, we'll all have to go out together sometime,” Yeonjun suggests. “A double date.”

“Yes.”

“I know you're worried, and that's okay, but no matter what, everything will be fine. Think of the good it'll do him.”

Beomgyu has. He keeps reminding himself of the seventy percent success rate this surgery has. But he also knows the potential side effects. Memory loss, mood and personality changes, cognitive malfunction. Usually minor in degree, but frightening nonetheless. 

Kai will still be Kai either way, Beomgyu thinks. He'll still love him. He just hates the idea of Kai struggling in any way.

Beomgyu remains quiet until they reach the hospital.

They make their way up to his room to spend time with him before he's wheeled into surgery. They have a couple of hours.

Kai's friends are already in the room, squished on the edge of Kai's bed. Beomgyu recognizes one of them, Soobin, from pictures Kai had shown him of the two of them at some kind of comic convention. He smiles kindly at Beomgyu as they walk in. 

And then his other friend -

“Taehyun??” Yeonjun exclaims, the sudden noise startling Beomgyu.

“Yeonjun-hyung?” Taehyun stands, lips pulling into a smile. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“You know each other?” Soobin asks, seemingly equally as confused as Beomgyu is.

Taehyun gestures toward Yeonjun. “This is the guy I've been talking to, the one I went on a date with.”

“Ah, the one you described as ‘gorgeous with a nice ass’,” Kai teases. Taehyun swipes at Kai's ankle with his foot, his entire face going red. Yeonjun is flushed as well, awkwardly chuckling as he scratches at his neck. Beomgyu knows him too well, though. As embarrassed as he may act, he knows Yeonjun is secretly buzzing about the compliment. He makes a note to himself to tease him relentlessly about it later.

At least things are making more sense now, though. “That's why your name sounded familiar!” Beomgyu says. “What a small world.”

It's a good way to break the ice between all of them, though. Yeonjun, Soobin, and Taehyun fall into conversation quite quickly. Beomgyu and Kai are more quiet, exchanging very few words between each other, just holding hands and observing their friends. Beomgyu notices the way Yeonjun's fingers brush against Taehyun's arm, the touch slow and deliberate, and how Taehyun immediately leans into it in response. He's glad Yeonjun has found good company.

A nurse comes in at some point, smiling as she gently informs Kai they'll be wheeling him out within the next half hour and to start saying goodbye to his guests.

The room quiets down as they're all reminded as to why they're gathered here in the first place.

“We'll be waiting for you, Kai-yah,” Soobin is the first to speak. His voice is calm and grounding. “It'll be over in no time.”

Taehyun nods in agreement. “And whatever you want to eat afterwards, we'll get it.”

“Thanks, guys.”

“It was good meeting you, Kai, I'm looking forward to getting to know you more,” Yeonjun says. “From the way Beomgyu talks about you nonstop, I can promise he won't be going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Hyung,” Beomgyu whines as everyone laughs at him.

The three of them step out, mentioning something about giving Beomgyu and Kai privacy as they depart. It's quiet for the first few minutes, nothing said between them. They simply bask in each other's company. Beomgyu gazes at Kai, remembering his first day at work and how one of the first things he noticed about him was the moles dotted across his skin. Like a constellation in the sky. Beomgyu stares, memorizing the pattern, letting it sear into his brain. 

“Do you like my friends?” Kai eventually asks, breaking the silence.

Beomgyu nods. “I do, they seem cool. I can't believe your Taehyun is also Yeonjun's Taehyun.”

“I know!” Kai giggles. “I know I made that joke earlier, but really, Taehyun's love for Yeonjun goes beyond his physical assets. He's mentioned a lot about how sweet and selfless he is.”

“He's right. Hyung has helped me so much over the years.”

“Same with Taehyun and Soobin,” Kai smiles. “We have good friends, don't we?”

“We do,” Beomgyu agrees. “And now…”

We have each other as well.

He leans forward, and this time - this time, he doesn't go for Kai's forehead. He goes straight to his mouth, pressing his lips against Kai's. They're a little chapped, but it doesn't matter. He still manages to be so soft and taste so sweet. Kai hums pleasantly, returning the kiss, tongue slipping through Beomgyu's ever so slightly.

They pull away almost breathlessly. Beomgyu wants more. So much more.

But they're in the hospital, and Kai has surgery in thirty minutes. This will have to do for now.

“I'll be waiting,” Beomgyu promises.

“Okay, hyung.” But Kai's grip on Beomgyu's hand only tightens, as if pleading for him not to go, not to leave him alone. Beomgyu stays until the very last possible moment, when someone from the OR comes in a few minutes later to wheel him downstairs. 

Leaving Kai is one of the hardest things Beomgyu has ever had to do.

As expected, it ends up being a long four hours.

They decide to spend much of it in the cafeteria, sitting at a table in the corner of the dining room. 

Yeonjun and Taehyun are now holding hands, fingers fidgeting and gazing at each other quite sickeningly. Beomgyu wonders if that's how he and Kai look. He finds that, even though he is beyond happy for Yeonjun, watching the two of them is only making himself feel worse at the moment. 

He angles himself away from the two of them, looking out the window as he sips on the iced coffee he'd bought. 

Beomgyu wonders how Kai is doing so far, if everything is going to plan and without complications. He wonders how he'll be feeling once he's awake, how lucid he's going to be, if he'll have side effects, and if so, how noticeable they'll be.

Beomgyu remembers that his first day of genuine lucidity came over a week after first waking up from his accident. He doesn't expect Kai to take that long - in fact, his medical team is expecting him to only remain in the hospital for another three to five days before going back home to recover. He's going to have to take it easy for six weeks or so.

Beomgyu likes thinking about that - Kai being back home in the apartment he lives in with his friends. Getting to spend time with him in a relaxed, domestic setting. Maybe even coming over to Beomgyu's place once he feels well enough. Beomgyu still wouldn't mind trying to cook a meal for him.

Thinking about all the things they'll be doing afterwards makes Beomgyu feel a lot better, so that's what he does. 

He remains in his little bubble until lunchtime, when Soobin asks, “Should we get something to eat?”

By the time they grab their food and finish eating, the four hours are nearly up, and they head back upstairs - this time to the intensive care unit, where Kai's new room will be, and settle down in the family gallery. 

“I hope everything went okay.” Beomgyu can't help but to worry. He's pacing back and forth in front of the windows, unable to keep still. 

Taehyun hums. “Me too. I'm assuming so, if we haven't heard anything - no news is good news, as they say.”

“I'm sure he's good,” Yeonjun says.

Soobin nods. “Kai's strong.”

They don't have to wait too much longer. A mere twenty minutes later, a nurse comes in to tell them that Kai is in his room and is ready for visitors. “Everything went smooth and perfect,” she reassured, “and he's waking up well.”

Beomgyu lets out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding, a massive sigh of relief.

When they all step into the room, slowly and quietly, the first thing Beomgyu notices is the stapled incision. It's big, in the shape of a question mark on the right side of Kai's head. A patch of hair has been shaved away to accommodate it. 

With how bold and painful the incision it looks, Beomgyu can't stand the sight of it - he immediately rushes to Kai's side to make sure he's okay.

Kai is half awake, eyelids droopy as he looks up at Beomgyu. His lips move, forming words that are quiet and incomprehensible.

“What was that, baby?” The pet name slips out of Beomgyu's mouth without meaning to, but he can't bring himself to actually care.

Kai clears his throat and speaks louder, though his speech is still slurred. “Said do y’still like me eventh’ I'm bald?”

They all laugh at him - Beomgyu perhaps being the loudest, not expecting that question to be the very first words out of Kai's mouth. 

“You're not even bald,” Soobin says, his fingers gentle as he runs them through the remaining hair on the opposite side of Kai's head. “It's like a half buzzcut.”

“You look really good, Kai,” Taehyun praises. Beomgyu agrees. Despite the incision, the rest of Kai does look completely fine. His skin has good color and he's sitting up well. He is groggy still, but that's just to be expected.

Either Kai doesn't hear them, or he's choosing to ignore them. His eyes are fixed on Beomgyu.

“Do you still like me?” he repeats, clearer.

“Of course I do.”

Kai smiles, pleased with the answer, and he reaches his hand out to take Beomgyu's.

“Do you love me?”

Beomgyu's breath hitches at the unexpected question. He has his answer, has had it for a while now, but he still hesitates to speak it out loud. Especially now. Maybe Kai is just out of it, the anesthesia still wearing off and talking for him. He doesn't know what he's saying.

But he's looking up at Beomgyu so expectedly, eyes bright and shiny, more alert than they were even just a minute ago. Waiting for his response.

Beomgyu looks over at Yeonjun, who's quietly standing in the corner of the room. He gives Beomgyu an encouraging nod, mouthing the words, say it!

The little boost is all Beomgyu needs.

“I do,” Beomgyu replies, squeezing Kai's fingers. “I do love you.” 

There's cooing and ahh-ing from their friends around them. Beomgyu's face is burning, but his embarrassment is gone as quick as it came. The entire world disappears and he sees nothing but Kai and the grin that continues to spread across his face.

“Good,” he says. “I love you too, hyung.”

Beomgyu is quite pleased with himself, he can't deny it.

His beef roast not only smells and looks amazing, but it tastes divine and is ridiculously tender - hands down the best he's ever cooked. His rice is perfectly cooked, roasted potatoes are crispy, and his honey glazed carrots are nice and sweet. It's a meal that leaves him sighing in content after each bite. 

Maybe he should cook more often.

“This is amazing.”

He looks over the dining table at Kai, whose plate is already clean. Beomgyu beams. Then, he reaches across the table and dabs at some gravy on the corner of Kai's mouth. 

“So you liked it?” he asks. He's been worrying about it for the past week or so, afraid his cooking would be a disappointment.

“Loved it,” Kai sighs, leaning back in his chair, hands patting his belly. “I'm just so full now. I'm already looking forward to the leftovers tomorrow.”

Beomgyu giggles. “There's plenty,” he promises. Especially with his appetite being poor, the majority of the food is for Kai, anyway. 

They have his apartment to themselves tonight. Yeonjun had been kicked out to spend time with Taehyun - not that he minded, not one bit - so that Beomgyu and Kai could have some privacy. It's been surreal, to say the least. Beomgyu's silly little idea of bringing Kai over to his place and cooking him a meal has finally come true.

Beomgyu wishes he could go back in time and tell his past self that everything was going to turn out perfectly okay.

The surgery was three weeks ago now. Kai has had a few bad headaches, some teetering on the edge of being a migraine, and mild short term memory loss - such as forgetting what he ate for lunch and whether he brushed his teeth or not - but other than that, he's fine. 

Most importantly, he's been seizure free since, a great improvement from near weekly seizures. His medical team are pleased with how he's getting along. 

Beomgyu certainly is, as well. These past few weeks, getting to spend time with Kai outside of a hospital room, has been nothing short of magical.

“What you staring at, hyung?” Kai asks. Beomgyu blinks. He hadn't even realized he was staring. 

But he's honest. “You,” he says. “I'm thinking about… how grateful I am. I think taking that job was the best decision in my life.”

“I think so too,” Kai smiles. “I really can't imagine what life would be like if we hadn't met.”

Beomgyu doesn't even want to think about it. He knows he hasn't known Kai for very long but already, he can't imagine a world without him. Whenever he thinks about the future now… Kai is there. He's always there.

“I appreciate you sticking by my side, hyung,” Kai then says. “I would have understood if you wanted to walk away, but I'm glad you didn't.”

“I would never, Kai.”

“I know, I know. Just overthinking and all that.”

“I understand,” Beomgyu tells him, “but stop. I'm not going anywhere. Not now, not ever - so I hope you don't plan on getting sick of me.”

Kai snorts. “Never!”

Beomgyu's bed is on the small side, but they make it work, squished together like canned sardines. It's nice, though. Warm, cozy, the weight of Kai's arms wrapped around Beomgyu safe and comforting. He's pretty sure he could stay right here for the rest of his existence and be perfectly happy.

Kai initiates the kiss, pulling Beomgyu in until their lips meet in a wet smack. Beomgyu caresses his face, thumb smoothing over his jaw, then fingers inching up to tangle into his hair. Then he remembers Kai's incision - which is healing well, but still tender - and withdraws the touch, not wanting to aggravate it.

Kai whines against his mouth and pulls away. “It's fine,” he insists. 

Beomgyu shakes his head. “Nope, it's not totally healed yet. I know you're eager…”

…but we have to wait to completely let loose. They've already talked about it once before, so Kai knows what he's trying to say. He doesn't bother arguing back. 

Instead he pouts. “You're going to kill me.”

Beomgyu laughs. “You'll be fine, baby. If anything, the wait will make it even better.”

“I won't survive.”

Beomgyu presses a kiss against the very tip of Kai's nose, and that has Kai melting, the subject already forgotten. 

“Did you know,” Beomgyu says, “that your moles remind me of stars in a constellation?”

“Oh? Really?”

“Yes.”

With his pointer finger, Beomgyu starts on the mole that sits on the tip of Kai's nose, right on the spot he'd just kissed, and begins to trace along his face, going from one to the other - creating a picture just as he's always wanted.

He was right. It turns out so pretty.