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Summary:

Puck Buzz @puckbuzzgossip
Panic! At the Bell Centre! The Montreal Metros miss the playoffs for the second season in a row. Experts and fans are wondering: what’s happening in Montreal? We asked our experts: Link

-or-

Who's getting ready for the playoffs?

Notes:

This chapter is shorter because the next one is longer, and this is where the cut fell. It's a balance, yaknow?

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Puck Buzz @puckbuzzgossip

Panic! At the Bell Centre! The Montreal Metros miss the playoffs for the second season in a row. Experts and fans are wondering, what’s happening in Montreal? We asked our experts: Link

 

Its Metros 4 Lyfe @montrealmetrosfan1996

@MontrealMetros yo what the fuck?

 

Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

I know what God wants. He wants me to kill my fuckin’s self. That’s why he gave me a fucked up life.

 

Metros Babe ❤️💙 @bleedredandblue

I’m revoking my hatred of RPF to tell Hayden Pike to get in the MF’n field!!! 🗣🗣🗣🗣

↳↳It’s Metros or Bust @origsixmets

Pike had his chance and fumbled. We gotta tag someone else in.

↳↳↳Metro’s Bby Girl @callmeshayla

Is no one on the Metros slinging more than 8 inches??? 😭😭😭😭 

 

Sal’s Shop 🚗 @mrfixit617

This beta fuckin team

↳↳💪🔥 @gymratwestside

Room fulla cucks I swear

↳↳↳Metro Man 🔴🔵 @neutralzonenick

Bro how was the gay guy the only fuckin’ Alpha?

↳↳↳↳Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

@grok order brain bleach and block everyone in this thread




Hollander’s #1 Girl @allabout24

Shout out to my Alpha Chad Alternate Captain Shane Hollander 😤😤

 

Pour it Up @bostonbgirl

Ooooh but I thought Hollander was soft??????





Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Was Shane a control freak or was he the one holding that shit together? 🤨





Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

If you’re in the queue for a Shane Hollander vindication arc—STAY IN LINE!!!

 

Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

HollaNation Stocks back up after the #tripgate crash 🙂‍↕️

↳↳Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl  

I knew my boy wouldn’t let me down




 

Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81 

I know Rozy opened twitter this morning and laughed

 

Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Straight giggling and kicking his feet

↳↳hollanov on top @itsashutout46

“Babe, come look at this!” 😹

↳↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

@realIlyaRozanov and @YunaHollander24 clinking mimosa glasses together rn





caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

Metros out of the playoffs guys guys my sewer slide is postponed

 

caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

✨life is worth living✨





Metro Man 🔴🔵 @neutralzonenick

Yeah haha let’s all laugh at the people who love and support their team 

 

Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

Yes, let’s 🫵😆





Metro’s Babe ❤️💙 @bleedredandblue

Cens fans laughing like their team didn’t just get good 🙄

 

let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

And we smokin’ on that Metros pack tonight!!!





Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

‘Til next time boys *wipes hands*

Image Insert 1:

[A photo of an altar adorned with candles, herbs, dried flowers, and several spell jars containing broken glass, hot sauce, and visibly damaged photos of Metros’ players and staff.]

 

No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

And if I said it actually is that serious????

↳↳Shilya’s Bush @lolaboutjaney

We have a picture of Shane Hollander on our family altar I get it

↳↳↳Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul

My tia lights a candle for him every game day no bs

 

NYC Queen 🗽 @itsjustjess35

Wait girl you take requests????? Let me dm





Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

Dubois gotta put Hollander on his back and carry him up that mountain to break the curse atp





Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaurs

It’s official! Playoffs here we come!

Image Insert 1:

[A stylized locker room celebration photo overlaid with the text “CLINCHED.”

 

⚜️ Fly Lis Fly ⚜️ @mightymetrosgo

Someone gotta homewreck that marriage i swear

 

Boston Strong💪 @charlieguy1776

So the metros fumble and now we all gotta suffer??? How's that fair???

 

Metros Babe ❤️💙 @bleedredandblue

Idc if they’re homophobic somebody gotta take one for the team 

↳↳Boiziau’s Baby Mama @JJBrescueme

Shane Hollander's hot as fuck i refuse believe that not one of the Metros has at least THOUGHT about it

↳↳↳It’s Metros or Bust @origsixmets

Don't shoot but this is the play the metros should be working on. Hire a buff hot blonde and aim him at Hollander.

↳↳↳↳Metro’s Bby Gifl @callmeshayla0

Lord knows they don't have anything else going for them @henritheriault





Its Metros 4 Lyfe @montrealmetrosfan1996

@Real_ShaneHollander what do you want bruh? A raise? Some hoes? A mansion?

 

Metro’s Bby Girl @callmeshayla

Like, dada come home I’ll suck it myself

↳↳missing the Holz @metros4hollanov

AYO???

↳↳Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Pause

↳↳Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us





Boston FTW @raidersforthwin

Cliff Marleau 🫱🏼‍🫲🏻 Hayden Pike Fumbling the franchise when it counted most