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Takumi typed his usual order to the Ration-O-Matic. It was a simple sandwich with tuna, cheese, and lettuce. No crust, of course.
Don't get the cheese. The cheese always gives you a stomachache; it's quite unpleasant.
Takumi pushed the button for extra cheese.
Kill yourself.
Takumi picked up his lunch and brought it over to the table and sat down next to an Eito.
"Good morning, Takumi! Looking ugly as ever!" he was greeted.
At least someone else understands. I keep telling you this and you never listen to me!
Takumi took a bite of his sandwich. He chewed slowly. Another Eito took its place across from him at the table. Then a third.
"Tuna again?" one of them asked. "Don't you get bored eating the same thing over and over again?"
Takumi shrugged his shoulders.
"It's not so bad. I like it," said Takumi. "It's comforting. I always know what I'm going to taste."
Nobody likes a liar, Takumi. Tell them the truth. Tell them you'd like some variety, that you're so sick of looking at their righteous faces.
"We seem to be lacking in morale since the last battle. Perhaps a day of relaxation would help. How about a pool party in the Leisure Lounge?" suggested Eito.
"Great idea, Eito!" said Eito.
"I agree, Eito, but I think we should let the Eitos pick out their own swim trunks this time," said Eito.
"Huh? Matching helps people bond. It's why uniforms are used. Would we even be the SDU if we didn't have matching battle attire?" asked Eito. "Eito, could you let the other Eito's know?"
"Sure thing, Eito," said Eito.
Takumi frowned. For just a moment, he could hear a semblance of personality other than Eito in their speech. But nothing quite matched up, and the more the Eitos talked the more they blended into each other.
Did you think you could tell who that was? Who do you think?! Was it Gaku, trying to get the girls to wear skimpy bikinis, or was it one of the twins trying to strengthen bonds with inspiration from their matching uniforms?
"Anything I can do to help?" asked Takumi.
"Just bring your hideous self!"
Takumi nodded along. Swimming sounded like it could be fun. It would at least be different. Different was good.
Don't think I'm going to ease up on you just because there's a change of pace. I can feel you getting excited. Stop that. There's nothing to look forward to, unless you really want to go swimming with me that much. Aw, Takumi, is that it? Do you want to see me in a swimsuit? Adorable. Revolting. You sicken me.
Takumi went back to his room to change. There was already swim trunks picked out for him on his bed.
You really ought to start locking your door. Who knows, one of the Eitos could be hiding under your bed right now!
Takumi refrained from checking under the bed. He dropped his pants to the ground, underwear too, and stepped into the swim trunks.
How courteous of you! You didn't even stare obscenely long at your phallus this time! We're making progress, Takumi. See how much nicer it is when we get along? I still haven't forgiven you for the cheese, but I appreciate the baby steps. An old dog really can be taught new tricks!
Takumi took his shirt off and draped a towel over his shoulder. Carrying it like this made him feel cool.
There's nothing cool about how you look.
Takumi took the towel off and held it like a normal person. Maybe not.
He left his room and went down the stairs. When he got about two thirds the way down, he grabbed the sides of the railing and skipped the last few steps, landing both feet flat on the ground.
Are you trying to kill us? Or are you just showing off. I will admit, I am mildly impressed.
The corner of Takumi's mouth turned up into a smirk. Briefly.
Takumi entered the Leisure Lounge to a gaggle of Eitos. There were a few Eitos bumping a volleyball around outside the pool. Another was reclining on a pool chair in relaxation. Two of them were chasing each other in the pool with water guns. One Eito was scolding another Eito for dropping an ice cream bar into the pool, while a third and fourth Eito were applying pointless sunscreen on each other's bare chests.
Takumi squinted his eyes. He'd never seen this much Eito skin in his life. Why were they all so muscular?!
Behold, my righteous body. You thought I was weak and feeble, didn't you. Stupid Takumi, you've been fed nothing but lies for so long even the truth doesn't please you.
Seeing so many scantily clad Eitos was far from pleasurable. Takumi looked away. This wasn't something that he should be looking at.
"Takumi! Don't just stand there! The water's nice," said an Eito who swam up to the side of the pool. Drops of water stuck to his glasses. He wrinkled his nose. "You did shower before coming, right?"
"It's good practice to make sure you're clean before you step foot in the pool. And don't jump, you could hurt yourself, or slip," said the Eito with a whistle around his neck and an inner tube under his arm. "You haven't eaten anything recently, right? You're supposed to wait thirty minutes after eating before swimming so you don't get cramps."
Takumi sighed.
"Yes, I showered, and no, I haven't eaten."
Liar liar pants on fire! It's okay, they'll detect your pungent odor soon enough. You'll soil the water with your filthy rotten repulsive slime.
Takumi ignored Eito's warning and jumped into the pool. The cold water felt nice against his skin. He emerged from the water and shook his head to get some of the water out of his hair.
"What kind of dive was that, I've never seen that one before?" asked a volleyball Eito.
"I dunno, I just jumped into the pool," replied Takumi.
It's a formless stupid idiot dive done by stupid idiots.
"I bet I can make a better splash," said an Eito. He pushed himself out of the pool by jumping and resting his hands on the ledge. He then sat down on the ledge of the pool, and dropped in calmly. The water was barely disturbed, the ripple reaching Takumi weakly.
"I want to try too!" said another Eito before doing the exact same calm entry.
Takumi watched as a dozen Eitos got out and back into the pool, except for lifeguard Eito who seemed to be a bit distressed. Takumi felt drops of water trickle down his face that instantly evaporated as soon as he paid attention to him. This was probably some form of cannonball or other silly dive competition. He should reply to them.
"Whoa, nice one!" said Takumi, giving an Eito a thumbs up.
"Really? I thought Eito's was better," said Eito.
"Eito's? No, Eito's is definitely the best so far," said Eito.
"How would you rank mine, Takumi?" asked an Eito
Takumi shrugged his shoulders.
"Yours was the best."
Eito's cheeks pinkened.
"Oh Takumi, you flatter me!" said Eito bashfully. "It almost feels like you have a disgusting crush on me!"
"What?! No, I don't," Takumi blurted out.
Then why is your heart thumping in your chest? Why does this make you so defensive? It should be easy to deny if it isn't true. Ha, ha, stinky Takumi has a crush! And here I thought you absolutely hated me! Has my righteous figure grown on you? Or have you merely forgotten what other people look like? Though that may not actually matter, you do tend to fall for anyone who is even a little bit nice to you. You're so desperate, Takumi. You don't even know who this is, and you're getting seriously flustered by them. It's pathetic. You're pathetic.
"You don't? Oh…" said Eito. He almost looked disappointed. Takumi bit his lip anxiously.
"That's not—nevermind," said Takumi, crossing his arms. He tried not to think about it too hard. Tried.
Second guessing yourself, Takumi? Annoyed that you uprooted what could have been a blossoming relationship? How foolish. You don't even know what you want. You don't even know what there is to want! You're clueless! You know nothing.
Takumi waded to the deeper end of the pool to take a break from all of the Eitos. Despite everything being mundane, it could be a bit overwhelming at times. He'd stay until the others started to leave. It wouldn't be fair to them to dip just because he wasn't feeling well, especially when it was organized to raise team spirits. He could bite through it just a bit longer. For the team.
How selfless of you to consider the feelings of others, even at your own discomfort!
Thankfully Eitos started to trickle out one by one out of the Leisure Lounge. Takumi went back to his room after the pool party. He stepped into the shower after taking his clothes off, and turned it on. Drops of water hit his head and rolled down his back.
The water isn't warm enough. Warm water helps lift the disgusting oils from your skin.
Takumi turned the handle of the shower. He shivered under the icy cold droplets.
Dirty Takumi doesn't even know how to wash himself. You should scrub under your armpits more. You barely lathered your soap.
Takumi rinsed his hands off and grabbed his shampoo.
You need to rinse twice to get rid of all the chlorine. And make sure you condition, or you're stripping your hair of the healthy oils and leaving it dry.
Takumi rinsed his hair off under the water and stepped onto the cold tile to grab his towel.
You really should invest in a bath mat. You're dripping water everywhere. You're going to start growing mold. You don't want mold, do you, Takumi?
Takumi grabbed a towel.
Close your eyes when you look down there! Your phallus revolts me.
Takumi made sure his crotch was thoroughly dried.
You're a sick and twisted individual.
He threw on a t-shirt he already wore and some fresh underwear and pants. He ran his fingers through his hair. He looked over at the mirror out of habit, now covered in a layer of gray duct tape. He grabbed the roll, and added another few strips out of frustration to protect it. It felt like a warding ritual, in a way.
You can't avoid looking at yourself forever. One of these days, you'll find yourself staring into a mirror out of insatiable curiosity. Who knows who you'll find staring back? Although, I can give you a hint: you won't like the answer.
There was a knock at the door. Takumi put the tape down. Who could this possibly be?
He opened the door. It was Eito.
"I had fun with you today," said Eito with a cheery smile reminiscent of the Eito Takumi thought to be his friend."
"I did too," said Takumi. Eito held his hands behind his back, looking bashfully at Takumi.
"I was thinking about earlier," said Eito.
"Hm?" asked Takumi.
About the crush, you idiot! Stupid Takumi can't even put context clues together! He's utterly oblivious!
"I'm sorry for bringing up the ludicrous idea that you have a wretched crush on me," said Eito. "It was utterly preposterous. I shouldn't have even floated the idea."
Takumi tilted his head in confusion.
"Oh, it's okay," said Takumi. It was difficult to tell what any of the Eitos were thinking. Their faces seemed to default to cheeriness, a mockery of who they once were.
"I mean, if you did happen to have icky feelings for me, that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Plenty of other things could be worse," said Eito.
"That is true! I can think of other worse things," said Takumi. Namely…
Ha ha. Very funny. Cut it out.
"Really? I think dirt is worse," said Eito. "And scented candles. I'm not a fan of them; they give me headaches."
This guy has good taste.
"I don't like them either," said Takumi.
Eito clasped his hands in excitement.
"Really? We're more alike than I thought!" Eito swooned. Takumi's cheeks pinkened.
"I suppose we are," Takumi said.
"It's almost like we're matching! Two peas in a pod, am I right?" asked Eito cheekily.
It almost sounded like Eito was trying to flirt with him in a very peculiar way. It felt… nice.
Gross.
Eito awkwardly stood in the doorway. Takumi blocked him from coming in any further. He didn't want to explain what happened to his mirror.
"Do you want to head to the Rec Room? We can play darts, or something," suggested Takumi.
You're below average at darts. Is this a courting tactic?
Eito blushed.
"Did I forget to clean my ears, or is Takumi asking me on a date?" asked Eito, dumbfounded. He quickly changed expression into that smile that Takumi was too familiar with. "Just kidding! I never forget to clean my ears."
"Oh!" Takumi let out. He hadn't exactly realized the implications. He froze, just a bit too long to deny it without being awkward. Instead, he put on a smile.
"Should I change what I'm wearing?" asked Eito, looking down at his white clothes.
"Nah, you look great," said Takumi.
Thanks.
"Can I hold your sweaty hand on the way there?" asked Eito politely.
"My sweaty hand is yours to hold," said Takumi with a hint of sarcasm.
I knew you would slip up sooner or later.
"What?"
"What?" Takumi parroted.
Eito grabbed his hand, and grimaced.
"Oh, I see what you mean, it is a bit sweaty," he said with mild discomfort.
After a while, the comments about how sweaty, gross, stinky, repulsive, and vile he was stopped even registering as insults and became more of a greeting. The words hardly had any meaning anymore.
Just because you ignore how the words make you feel doesn't mean they're not affecting you. You're slowly breaking down, little by little I chip away until there will be nothing left.
Still, it felt nice to touch another person. Takumi squeezed Eito's hand as they walked to the Rec Room. A few other Eitos looked at the two of them curiously, but Takumi paid it no mind. This was the Eito he'd chosen to spend time with, not the others.
They weren't interchangeable.
Oh, but Takumi, they are.
Takumi entered the Rec Room and pulled the darts from the target.
"Do you want to go first?" he asked Eito.
"Such a gentleman!" Eito replied. He took one set of darts from Takumi's hands, and squinted his eyes, focusing on the target before him. Eito tossed the first, second, and third dart, all hitting the target in precise spots.
"Alright, your turn!" Eito said cheerily.
Takumi eyed up the target. Perhaps darts wasn't the best date idea… Takumi closed one of his eyes and prepared the dart. He moved his arm back, and then threw it at the target, missing the whole thing by a few inches. How annoying…
That was all you, actually.
Takumi audibly groaned.
"It's okay! You can do it! Maybe next time you won't have such a pitiful throw," said Eito.
Put your left foot in front.
Takumi stepped with his right foot, and calculated his next throw… hitting the target with the side if the dart. It fell to the ground.
"… Maybe a third time?" asked Eito.
Performance anxiety much?
"Maybe you could show me how to do it?" asked Takumi.
You sick pervert.
Eito shrugged his shoulders.
"Yeah, I could do that. Here," said Eito. He pressed his front up against Takumi's back, and grabbed Takumi's wrist. It felt like a big hug, one Takumi could just melt into.
"Move your hand in a straight line so you're not twisting it. That's how you keep missing the target," explained Eito.
I could have told you that, but you never listen to me!
Takumi straightened out his wrist. Right… He'd gotten a bit caught up in his own thoughts and was throwing every which way. He took a deep breath, and looked exactly where he wanted to throw the dart.
"Three… two… one…" said Eito.
Throw.
Takumi perfectly missed the target.
"I really thought you had it there. I guess you really do suck at darts!" said Eito with a laugh.
Takumi shrugged his shoulders.
"I can't concentrate… I think I'm just nervous around you," he admitted to Eito.
Absolutely repulsive!
"R-really? I've been feeling the same way," said Eito. He spun Takumi around so the two of them could look at each other. His eyelashes were really long, had they always been like this? Takumi saw Eito every day, every Eito, always, and yet it felt like he was really paying attention for the first time in his life. His glasses complimented the shape of his eyes, and really added to how cute he was.
"Do you like me, ugly Takumi?"
No. No no no no no no no no no.
"Yeah, I do," said Takumi. Eito's cheeks flushed red, bashful. He closed his eyes, and leaned down for a kiss. Takumi closed his eyes too. He could feel his heart beat faster, louder, grounding himself against all of the background noise.
It was the little moments that mattered. A smile, a wave, someone taking the time to sit next to him and ask him about his day— even if they called him ugly and pinched their noses to hide his stench. They were his friends, and they cared about him. Takumi cared about them too. Which is why he could never tell them the truth. It was too alienating. They'd never understand.
You're forgetting someone.
Takumi didn't hate the others he saw. It was uncomfortable at first, but he accepted it as a punishment for taking Eito's life. He didn't have to kill him. He shouldn't have killed him. And in a way, he didn't, almost becoming the very Eito he wished to destroy.
He'd never become Eito.
My dear Takumi, you already are.
Takumi closed the gap between his and Eito's mouths. He smelled clean, like a lemony disinfectant. Sterile. Sour. His hand rested on Eito's back. All he could feel was the touch of his oversized white coat. Of course Eito wouldn't let his guard down, perception applied to all of Takumi's senses.
Just because they looked like Eito didn't mean they were really him. They hadn't done all of the horrible things Eito had done. This was a friend, no, a budding relationship. Someone he cared about who cared about him too.
Doesn't it bother you that this could be anyone?
Would you ever tell them about me? That they don't even mean enough to you for you to be able to pick them out of a crowd. That every time you kiss, it's my lips you're seeing and feeling. That if you ever made love, you'd be touching my body, running your disgusting fingers through my hair and against my skin. That your thoughts will never be alone and private, so you can never truly think about this person without judgment and be genuine with yourself. It's all superficial, Takumi. Really, you're the selfish one for even pursuing relationships while I'm inside you.
Whose name will you moan? It better not be mine. No matter how much you try to block me out, I'll always be here.
Do you have anyone you would like this to be? Your little darling Nozomi? What a shame, you went back and time to save her and now you'll never see her again! Doesn't that make you upset? Angry? Doesn't it make you want to hate everyone for being so similar to each other?
Or what about sweet little Kako. One wrong move and Ima will fillet you alive for perverting his dear sister. You'd never see it coming. I'll make sure of it. Of course she's not even the most terrifying option. It could have been Yugamu who's taken an interest in you, lulled you into a false sense of security until the next thing you know, your skin has been peeled open the pages of a book.
You're so pathetic, Takumi.
You're a shell of what you've once been. No one could truly love you. They don't know you like I do.
Takumi pulled out of the kiss. He bit back tears. It was the strongest emotion he'd felt in a long time.
He felt disgusted with himself.
He didn't even know who they were.
He couldn't love them, not in a way that mattered.
He understood why Eito allowed him to go on with the date. He couldn't mourn the things he never had.
It would never end. He could try with all his might, but he was a prisoner in his own mind.
Our first kiss… And knowing you, it won't be our last. I'll be with you for all of it. It will always be me. They're all me, in any way that matters. You can pretend to yourself that it's not the case. The lies will wear you down until you're battered, broken, and alone.