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It began, as many disasters in the Roswaal mansion did, at the breakfast table.
The morning sun was shining brightly through the massive windows of the dining hall.
Seated around the long table were the current residents of the manor.
At the head sat Roswaal L. Mathers, his clown-like makeup impeccably applied, casually sipping a cup of tea.
Opposite him sat Emilia, looking slightly pale but smiling as she watched Subaru and Beatrice, who was perched on her royal throne, his lap, bickering, which slightly annoyed her.
Rem stood on Subaru’s other side, gazing at him with an intensity that bordered on religious adoration.
Further down the table sat the shield of the camp: Garfiel Tinsel. And it was here that the cracks in the began to show.
Garfiel was eating.
To say he was eating like a savage was an insult to savages.
He was chewing with his mouth open, producing a wet, crushing sound that echoed in the large dining room.
Strands of meat hung from his razor-sharp teeth, and crumbs scattered onto the pristine white tablecloth.
Normally, this would elicit a sigh from Frederica, a sharp jab from Ram, and a laugh from Subaru.
Today, however, the air in the room suddenly felt...
It felt sharp.
"Garf…" Frederica started, her large, fanged mouth closing tight.
She massaged her temples, her eyes squeezed shut. "Could you please… exhibit an ounce of decorum?"
Her voice was tight, speaking through clenched teeth to prevent an explosion.
Garfiel blinked, a half-chewed piece of sausage sliding from his lip. "Huh? What’m I doin’ wrong, Big sis? M’just eatin’."
He swallowed with a loud, guttural gulp.
Smack.
Before Garfiel could react, Frederica’s hand moved faster than a striking viper, connecting with the back of his head.
"Ow! The Hell, Big sis'! What was that—"
"Quiet," Frederica hissed, her usual gentle composure replaced by a terrifying, simmering fury.
"Every noise you make is grating on my very soul."
Across from them, Ram stood next to Roswaal, her posture stiff as a board.
Her pink eyes were fixed on Garfiel with an expression of pure, unadulterated venom.
"Garf" Ram stated, her voice dangerously calm. "You're being disgusting. Garf is nothing but a blight upon this dining room. Why must Ram be forced to share breathing room with a creature that eats as if he were raised by mabeasts in a mud pit?"
Subaru froze mid-sentence.
Beatrice paused her dainty sipping of tea.
Otto, who was fighting his hangover and sleepiness, sat nervously near the bottom of the table, slowly putting down his fork.
The sound making a slight *tink* on the plate which directed the gazes of of the two obviously furious women at him
"Muh, otto-sama and Garfiel are being such nuisances so early in the morning"
Petra said with a huff
"Petra-Chan?" Otto looked at her while scratching his head
Roswaal simply tilted his head, his one visible eye glittering with amusement.
Garfiel looked genuinely hurt. "Ram! That’s harsh, even fer you! My amazin' self don’t eat mud!"
"You might as well," Ram snapped.
"The smell of your existence is overwhelming the fragrance of the tea. It is nauseating."
"Ram... Frederica..." Emilia started, raising a hand. "I know Garfiel can be a bit... expressive... but maybe we don't need to be so—" She stopped, breaking off into a soft, pained hiss as she doubled over slightly, pressing her hands against her lower stomach.
"Emilia!" Subaru was instantly out of his seat, crouching beside her. "What’s wrong? Are you sick?"
Rem was also upright, her blue hair flaring. "Emilia-sama, Rem is here, how may I help?"
Emilia shook her head weakly, looking embarrassed. "No, no... I’m fine. It’s just... a stomach ache. I’m okay, really." But her pale face said otherwise.
Subaru looked around the table.
Frederica was glaring daggers at Garfiel while holding her own stomach.
Ram was leaning back, her face taut with repressed pain.
Petra, who was assisting Frederica, was uncharacteristically quiet near the kitchen door, rubbing her lower back with a pained frown.
Even Meili, the young mabeast user who usually loved chaos, was curled up in her seat, looking utterly miserable and bored, tapping her fingers aggressively.
Subaru put his hand on his chin, his expression turning serious. Confusion warred with concern in his mind.
'This is weird. They’re all acting... aggressive. And they all seem to be in pain. Mass food poisoning? But me, Roswaal, Otto, and Garfiel are fine. Beatrice is too. So it’s just the women...'
'There's also the fact that Emilia-tan hasn't asked if she's cute today and Rem awoke three minutes later than usual, and Ram.........okay it's hard to notice but she's different today'
Suddenly, he felt a small tug on his sleeve.
Beatrice was gesturing for him to lean down.
He bent his ear to her.
"Foolish contractor," Beatrice whispered, her voice tiny and sharp.
"Have you no eyes, in fact? It is a coincidence of the heavens, I suppose. That time of the month crossed over the mansion simultaneously."
Subaru blinked. That time of the months? Simultaneously —
'OH.'
The realization hit him like a train.
He sat up straight, his face turning a comical shade of red.
It was that time.
And apparently, the universe, in its infinite trolling of Natsuki Subaru, had decided to synchronize the cycles of every single female resident of the Roswaal mansion.
He looked at them again, his perspective entirely shifted. The aggression wasn't just Ram being Ram; it was hormonal fury.
He saw Emilia, his beloved, suffering. He saw Rem, his Rem, in pain.
His heart swelled with a martyr's resolve.
He was Natsuki Subaru.
He had died countless times.
He had felt his limbs torn off, his internal organs peirced, his mind crushed.
Pain was his roommate. Pain was his mistress.
He had a very high pain tolerance.
'This will be easy,' he thought, a confident grin spreading across his face.
'They’re suffering, and I can fix it. It’s time to use my experience for good.'
"Alright, everyone! Back to breakfast!" Subaru clapped his hands loudly.
Emilia and Rem put their hands on their ears and stared exasperated at the man they loved
"Garfiel, eat with your mouth closed. Frederica, Ram, stop glaring. Everything is fine. In fact, everything is about to be better than fine!"
He closed his eyes, activating his Authority.
Cor Leonis.
The map of the mansion materialized in his mind, several small, glowing lights representing his "allies"—the women he loved and cares about.
Six lights, in total. Emilia. Rem. Ram. Frederica. Petra. Meili.
'Give me your burdens,' he commanded mentally.
He linked himself to all six glowing lights.
In an instant all six women let out a held up sigh of relief
Frederica and Petra looked at each-other and smiled, they excused themselves from the dining room while humming to continue their duties.
Meili slouched on her chair and stared at Otto
"Guess I won't be feeding you to the Mabeasts today Green-Onii-san"
A loud gulp came from the still sobering merchant.
Ram let out a *hah* and the faint crease in her brow vanished, she poured another cup of tea to Roswaal.
And in that same instant, Natsuki Subaru’s world ended.
It wasn't like being stabbed. Being stabbed was instantaneous.
This... this was a profound, aching betrayal from within.
It was as if his own insides had turned into a rusty wet towel that invisible hands were violently wringing out. Multiplied by six
A massive, crushing pressure clamped down on his pelvis, as if his bones were trying to implode. Multiplied by six
Simultaneously, sharp, screaming cramps ripped across his entire abdomen, moving in waves that left him breathless. Multiplied by six
A sickening, throbbing ache settled deep into his lower back, feeling as though someone was trying to pry his spine apart with a crowbar. Multiplied by six
"Nngghaaah!"
Subaru collapsed back into his chair, the sudden onslaught of agony so severe his vision swam.
Sweat instantly beaded on his forehead.
He doubled over, gasping for air, clutching his stomach with both hands, trying, uselessly, to contain the internal detonation.
"Subaru?! What’s wrong?!" Emilia cried, but the moment she spoke, her expression of pain vanished. She blinked, looking down at herself. "Oh... my tummy ache... it’s gone?"
"Subaru-kun!" Rem ran over, looking terrified, but paused. "Rem... Rem doesn't feel the ache anymore either. Subaru-kun, what did you do?"
"Subaru!!!!Betty's here"
All three of his adored girls placed their palms hovering over him, then a light blue light emanated from them, Healing magic
But it was futile, as it didn't lessen any of the pain he felt, but he didn’t want to worry his girls
So he schooled his expression in an effort to fool them
Ram’s prideful gaze faded into a look of slight confusion.
'My... the irritation has subsided slightly. This sensation.......did Barusu use his ability.' She smirked
Through the red haze of his agony, Subaru realized his plan had worked flawlessly.
He had taken the burden of six women onto himself.
And he was not built for this.
His past experiences with death meant nothing.
This was a different kind of pain.
It was persistent.
It was deep. It was hormonal, which meant along with the blinding cramps, he suddenly felt an inexplicable desire to cry about the tragedy of the scarcity of mayonnaise in this world and simultaneously punch Roswaal in his stupid clown face.
"Okay... maybe this... was a bad idea..." Subaru wheezed, his voice choked.
The waves of pain were unrelenting. Just as one cramp subsided, three more erupted in different places.
He needed to dump this.
He needed a sink.
He looked around the table in desperation.
His eyes landed on the head of the table.
Roswaal L. Mathers was calmly sipping his tea, watching the chaotic scene with that annoying, knowing smirk.
'You. You’re responsible for this mansion. You take some of this,' Subaru thought in a fit of agony and comedic spite.
Using Cor Leonis, he forced a connection.
He secretly shunted a significant portion—perhaps the combined burden of Petra and Meili—onto the clown-faced marquis.
For a moment, nothing happened.
Subaru waited for the reaction.
He wanted to see Roswaal double over.
He wanted to hear the clown squeak in undignified pain.
Instead, Roswaal paused mid-sip.
He slowly lowered his teacup.
He raised his right eyebrow in distinct surprise.
His heterochromatic eyes stared into the distance.
Then, he made a noise. Not a cry of pain, but a quiet, curious, "Hoooo~?"
Roswaal tilted his head and muttered, so softly that only those nearest him—Subaru and Ram—could hear: "Well now... that iiiiiiissssss a unique sensation... I hadn’t felt these cramps in a long... loooooong time. How... noooooostalgiiiiiiiic."
Subaru’s eyes went wide. He froze, the agony still wracking his body forgotten for one precious second.
'Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,Gross,'
That was the only thought in Natsuki Subaru’s mind. Disgust. Absolute, unadulterated, blinding disgust.
'What do you MEAN nostalgic?! What kind of life were you living, Roswaal?! What are you even referring to?!'
The implications were horrifying, and his mind, already taxed by the pain, instantly slammed a mental shutter shut on any further analysis.
"I’m gonna throw up..." Subaru gagged, the combinations of severe cramps and mental trauma overwhelming him.
The connection to Roswaal was immediately severed in his mind, the pain snapping back to Subaru with a vengeance, making him yell out in another gasp.
He slumped forward, his forehead hitting the table with a loud thwack.
"Subaru!!!!/Subaru-kun!!!!!/Subaru!!!!!!" All three girls shouted in distress
"Cap'n!!!!"
He had to get rid of this. He was dying. He wasn't literally dying, but this felt worse because he knew it wouldn't kill him and reset. He looked to his other side.
"Natsuki-san!!"
Otto.
'Just bear with me a bit'
In the the next instant, the gray haired merchant collapsed on the floor with foam rising from his mouth
Meili was poking his corpse with her fork
'Th' hell was that Otto!?!, it was only a fifth of petra's burden'
He took it back wincing slightly and heard a gratting voice addressing him
"Barusu"
Ram.
"—do you understand what an idiot you are? A legendary idiot? Barusu, they will write ballads about this idiocy. Bards will weep."
It seems like Ram figured out what he was doing, but is she going to stop him, nooooooo, she's going to enjoy it to her fullest
"Ram, I am dying—"
"You're not dying, you're being dramatic, there is a difference, though I understand the two feel similar to someone with your baseline competence." She straightened up, smoothing her skirt, the ghost of a genuinely delighted smile still tugging at her mouth.
And that — that, right there, the sheer unbothered smugness of it, the casual cruelty delivered with a laugh while he was actively wallowing in six-fold agony — something in Subaru's pain-addled brain went very quiet and very focused.
'Oh, you want to laugh? You want to be smug about this? Cool. Cool cool cool.'
"Cor Leonis."
Subaru didn't think. He didn't hesitate. He was acting on pure, pained instinct. He targeted the light that was Ram.
He took his entire burden—the collective pain of all six women, including the portion he had just taken and he dumped the entire, agonizing payload onto the pink-haired demon maid.
The disconnect was instant.
Subaru’s world suddenly snapped into clarity
He sat up, taking a gasping, luxurious breath of air. "Oh, god... sweet mercy... it’s over..." He wiped sweat from his eyes, feeling incredibly light, almost ethereal.
A heavy silence had fallen over the dining room.
Everyone was staring in one direction.
Slowly, carefully, Subaru turned his head.
Ram had stopped.
Her pink eyes were opened impossibly wide, staring at Barusu, existential shock.
'Oh no you didn't'
Her perfect posture had crumbled.
She was slouching forward, but in a way that looked rigid, her body locked.
Her small, pale hands were clenched into fists on the table, the knuckles white.
The color was entirely drained from her face, making her look like a doll carved from porcelain.
Her lips trembled. A single, ragged breath escaped her, sounding like wind whistling through dry grass.
With an effort that looked like it took every ounce of her willpower, Ram forced her mouth to open.
Her voice, when it came, was barely a whisper. It was a strangled, broken gasp that seemed to be forced out from a collapsing lung.
"Barusu..."
"Damn you... Barusu," she wheezed out, her last breath a mixture of a curse and a quiet plea for death.
She had become one with the agony.
Subaru blinked. The humor of the moment warred with genuine concern.
He looked around. Emilia was pale, Rem looked horrified, Beatrice was covering her mouth with both hands, and Garfiel looked ready to fight the air itself to save his beloved.
Only Roswaal was still calmly sipping his tea, watching Ram’s collapsed form with an interested "Hoooo~".
"I should... probably go get the hot water bottles..." Subaru stated nervously, getting to his feet and backing away from the table, and especially away from the shaking, collapsed form of the maid who would, without a doubt, kill him the moment she recovered.