Chapter Text
When he had first visited that other world, with that other him, and that other Shizun, when he had first felt the warm embrace of someone who wanted nothing from him but for him to just be there, beside him, warming him. When he first learnt that this world had so, so much more than he could ever wish for, he knew he couldn’t stay away.
So he kept visiting. He visited the lands at first, walking through the ruined and desolate sects he left behind to see them stronger than ever, demonic children, half bloods and humans running around without a care in the world. The realms were not merged in this alternate reality, and yet they lived more at peace than his did… Soon, visiting the neighboring towns became visiting that other Shen Qingqiu, who he eventually started calling Shizun.
He didn’t know why, but the other shizun would always be so polite to him, despite knowing everything he had done. He didn’t know how he had known all his sins, but ignorance was an innocent’s greatest ally. And though he was no innocent, he’d like to stay ignorant, lest he tilt the man’s seemingly non-existent temper and kick him out…
Luo Binghe didn’t know if his heart could take a rejection right now, not when his head is in Shen Qingqiu’s lap, not when his hair is being combed out gently and braided so prettily, not when he had all he’s ever wanted right here.
Though, at some point, that other him, the much pathetic and crybaby version of him, would always interrupt the happiest day of his life and he’d be kicked out regardless. He contemplated on bringing that other Shizun to his palace. He knew that Shen Qingqiu did not like harems. Though they were powerful, they were also very dangerous, and Luo Binghe wouldn’t mind, he’d gladly throw them all away! Besides, he’s never even really loved them all too much now, has he?
He supposed once upon a dream he imagined him and Ning Yingying together, but Ning Yingying never really showed that kind of love to him until he was out of the abyss. Distance made the heart grow fonder after all, though by that time Luo Binghe himself was a dirty rotten piece of shit and there was no longer room for his Ning Shijie in his heart. Only the strive for happiness, which turned into hatred, which turned into jealousy, which eventually kept being switched between the three depending on the type of day.
He tried thinking of someone he at least liked in the romantic sort of sense… Liu Mingyan was someone he looked up to but never wanted to spend forever with… Sha Hualing was a nice opponent to spar with but after that she was nothing more. She was a good Lieutenant? General? He couldn’t even care to remember the title he had given her to pacify her need for war.
Every other wife past those three were just myriads of careless conquests, something he hoped to fill the empty video in his heart. And yet none of them ever did. No matter how much they loved him or how much he thought he loved them, that love would seep through a crack in his heart and eventually dissipate into nothingness, leaving it empty once more.
But with this shizun, his heart felt so full, so overflowing! Every time Shizun rested on him, indulging him in a game of weiqi, brushing out his hair, undoing his braid and doing it up once more, he felt so happy, happier than when he got his revenge, than when he finally married Ning Shijie, happier than when he saw everything he had ever worked so far fall so neatly into place.
He had learnt on his 230th visit that Shen Jiu wasn’t his name. He had learnt when Shizun and the other him had gotten even closer, if that was even possible, when they learned Shizun wasn’t part of this world.
The other him insisted on calling him his god… Shizun whacked him with a fan until he stopped… He didn’t stop. How come he didn’t get his own Shen Yuan? Where was his happy ending, where was his comfort?!
He was just a boy, starving and cold, stuffed in the corner of a cold wood shed, shivering as he pulled the measly scraps of blankets he was given up to his chest. He was just a boy, clutching his mother’s Jade Guanyin, a Guanyin, that yes, might’ve been fake but meant the entire world to him, and he lost it. He had lost… Shen Yuan had found the other Binghe’s Guanyin and returned it safely… another thing to add to the ever growing list of things he was jealous of…
He should be happy, because he wasn’t a boy anymore now, was he? He was a man, a conqueror, with a palace that could fit millions, in a new world, with new trials and all the women an emperor could ask for, and yet none of his terrible experiences, none of the beatings he had been put through hurt more. Nothing made him feel like dying when leaving Shen Yuan.
It was like his mother, the washerwoman who by now he had forgotten the face of, had died, and all the joy and light of his small world was snuffed out.
Once he had learnt that Shen Yuan had a force, a magical entity named the System that could answer any questions he could possibly dream of asking, in an instant he dropped to his knees in front of Shizun and begged if somehow, someway, he could have his very own Shen Yuan, someone to love and care for him, someone he could protect, someone he could cry to. Someone molded just for him.
He begged till he was crying. The tears that rolled down his face felt like such an unfamiliar feeling. It felt strange, but it felt right. He knew he wasn’t sinless, he knew he wasn’t worthy, and he knew if there was a Shen Yuan out there waiting for him that he probably didn’t deserve him. But he still, selfishly, whole heartedly wanted Shen Yuan.
The moment the tears fell, Shizun agreed. In fact, he agreed with a smile, his hand finding his curly locks and tapped on what seemed like nothing as he woke up the entity.
He saw them discuss something in a strange language he could not understand before Shizun took him by the hand and sat him on a low cushion.
Shizun had that warm, yet plain looking smile, a smile that could rival all 3000+ members in Luo Binghe harem, and said in a slightly worrying tone.
“It's not going to be simple, Binghe, but nothing is impossible for you.”
There was a knowing lilt of his voice that made him worry, but he was sure he could achieve anything, anything for his Shen Yuan.
“I don’t expect it to be simple.”
Shen Qingqiu patted his head with that usual, good boy pat that was usually used to restrain him, but he didn't argue.
“Well, starting it is quite simple, going through it isn’t.”
He liked it when Shizun wasn’t so formal with him. It seemed that ever since he had told them that he wasn’t actually Shen Jiu, he had been slowly opening up, and it seemed quite nice hearing him talk about some obscure monster even Binghe hadn’t encountered.
“The procedure is basically child's play to you, I don’t suppose you haven’t toyed with Xin Mo? Well, don’t answer that. I already know. Just use Xin Mo’s powers to rewind time in your world and change something simple, talk to a stranger you’ve never talked to, or go to a place you’ve never gone before and continue your life as normal.
There will be some changes, and once you find Xin Mo again, gain enough power to come back here and I’ll tell you whether or not I’m in your world. I know it's going to be hard going through your life again, but I fear that this is the only way, all other Shen Yuans are occupied, haha.”
Luo Binghe grumbled… that's it, all he had to do was make up some stupid spell with Xin Mo.
He nodded in agreement but not before dipping his head for a pat and running outside to where Xin Mo was and starting to cut a portal through the world and stepping through it.
And so, there he started his hundreds of lives with hundreds of new possibilities, and yet all the same things happen, his mother dies, he suffers under Shen Qingqiu’s hand, he gets pushed into the abyss, he collects wives he needs to help with Xin Mo.
The differences from his original life had been hard to go through. For once, sometimes Shen Qingqiu’s qi deviations would be all directed at him. All his tantrums and his taunting would be placed on him… He killed him slowly in those lives, because how could Shen Qingqiu look at everyone else with such passiveness, or even tolerance? Once he had finished, he would visit the other world, where only a few hours or minutes had passed… While he went through thousands and thousands of lives where his soul felt old and his body felt young, he just wanted Shen Yuan!!! Was it so hard to ask for one? Why was the other him so lucky? Why was it when he stalked other versions they all had Shen Yuans? Why was he the sole exception!!!
He would come back with the usual proud regalia one would expect from a demonic emperor, while Shen Qingqiu looked over at him with sad eyes and shook his head. He’ll have to try again.
“I’m sorry, Binghe, if ever you think you need to stop, then it's perfectly fine that you do.”
Luo Binghe nodded and returned to his own world. In truth, he had given up around 345 lives ago… He was just using it as an excuse by now, not wanting to disappoint Shizun. In truth, he ended up around 109,395 and was currently living in that world. The peak lords had ascended and 2 generations had passed, and nothing happened. He didn’t even kill them, he just waited for them to go away, which took a couple centuries before taking over the world. Luo Binghe, of course, let go of all his wives the moment that Shen Qingqiu was long gone and decided to just wallow in self pity, waiting for Xin Mo to devour his soul while he occasionally, at least once a year, has his annual dose of Shen Qingqiu.
On one particular visit, a week after one of his fake attempts, a man named Tianlang-Jun had appeared during dinner, carrying what seemed to be a toddler heavenly demon snake child thingy… There was more of him?! People like him?! He turned to Tianlang-Jun, who didn’t even bat an eye at the fact that there were two Luo Binghe’s in the room and only laughed uproariously.
“Oh, great, I have two sons now!!! I hope one of you can help me babysit your cousin!!!”
Luo Binghe stayed still, looking towards Shizun for help. The man only rolled his eyes fondly and pushed a plate of sweets towards the Tianlang-Jun, while Shizun’s husband, who Luo Binghe pettily started to call Meimei, sat beside them with a sneer on his face.
Luo Binghe mostly just watched their conversation flow. He felt like a black fucking sheep. The four of them seemed… close? His snake cousin was happily seated on Shen Qingqiu’s lap, Meimei was arguing with his father, and Shen Qingqiu was reading a newly recommended book Tianlang-Jun had bought for him with a happy smile.
A family.
He asked Shizun where they had found Tianlang-Jun, and Shen Qingqiu said under Bailu Mountain. And he left. Fine… maybe 2 heavenly demons could help him. His father in that reality seemed content to travel the world, maybe in his world he would be a bit more… mature? But alas, a boy could only dream.
As he entered Bailu Mountain, he noticed that… it was strangely tidy? Maybe his father was someone who kept his space clean? He could respect that, though he’d love for Shen Yuan to make a mess of things. He wouldn’t mind being the house wife for once. It seemed a recurring thing for Shen Yuan’s to be innately lazy beings, always wanting to be pampered and petted until they purr, and yet their every curse was shot at you with such razor sharp precision that it left you wanting more.
He shook his head.
And all Luo Binghe are innately masochistic beings. They fit hand in hand, though he knew Shen Yuans would never want to hurt a Luo Binghe. Their lack of communication skills made it hard to think otherwise.
There were plenty of bloody streaks on the ground, as if someone had pulled a carcass inside, making a sort of red carpet, a phrase he learnt from Shizun that meant someone was very important or very popular, often a combination of both. He smiled. Maybe his father will be able to help him after all. The prospect of a big and happy family was never lost on him, even as he grew up, though now it seemed his harem was never the right way to go about that.
He walked through the darkness… and found… him…
His father was lazing about in a hammock, picking his nose and flicking it away like a petulantly pissy child who never learnt his manners. In his other hand was a book with an exceptionally gaudy cover, and on the ground was Zhuzhi-Lang, no longer a child but still as silent as ever. Though he did try his best to clean up a little.
There were some strange differences though. Based on Zhuzhi-lang's unhelpful description, Tianlang-jun was a rotten carcass somehow capable of speech. This was a living, breathing Tianlang-Jun…
He turned to the rotten scent in the corner. Okay, so that was the carcass, which meant his body was made of a Sun-Moon Dew Mushroom.
He stepped into the light, his face illuminated by the qi imbued orbs hung up on the ceiling. Tianlang-Jun initially raised a brow at the noise, but instantly that annoyance turned into fear as he didn’t look up, instead hiding his face in his book shamelessly…
What does a fucking heavenly demon have to fear?!?!
“Look, I’m sorry I started reading without you… don’t throw my merch away!!! ZHUZHI HELP MEEEEE!!!”
In his fearful thrashing, the man had thrown himself on the floor, further proving his incompetence.
Luo Binghe stood there at the entrance. Waiting for the man’s theatrics to come to an end, and once he did and took a look at the new arrival, he said “oh” and got back onto his hammock before laying back down and ignoring him.
“You must be my son, right? Well, I don’t have any pretty ladies nor do I want to fight for the throne, so won’t you run along okay? I’m busy”