Actions

Work Header

The Things They Said (DOES SHANE KNOW1?!?!?1?!)

Summary:

Ilya's love confession phone call from Moscow leaks online.

Twitter has a few things to say about it.

---

@hockeyhickeys
I literally don’t know what part of this to react to first. The family trauma? Ilya Rozanov feels feelings. ILYA ROZANOV LOVES SHANE HOLLANDER??

@raidersgirl
DOES SHANE KNOW? DO WE KNOW IF HE FOUND OUT

@litwithfatih
This man goes from pouring his feelings out to his lover of [redacted timeline] for what sounds like the FIRST FUCKING TIME

Straight back to chirping. YES SIR. HARDER?

Notes:

Huge thanks to u/armingetoutoftheoven for beta-ing this fic.

This fic is the addendum to the first one in this series but mostly works as a standalone.

It works as a standalone if you simply accept the fact that the entire Russia phone call between Ilya and Shane was recorded and then leaked a few weeks later. If you want to know how/why, you can read "The Things He Said"

This fic idea came from a Reddit Request from u/cunt_in_a_trenchcoat that possessed me this weekend.

All the indented tweets are meant to be replies to the top tweet. All the usernames are made up and if they look familiar from my other socmed au, no they don't (coming up with names is hard!)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

@TMZ
Shocking phone call between rival MLH stars Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov appears to show torrid affair, including a shocking love confession from Rozanov.

@hollanovholdme
THIS IS MY WATERLOO
THIS IS MY 9/11
THIS IS MY SINKING OF THE LUSITANIA
THIS IS MY MOON LANDING

@hockeyhickeys

@hockeyhickeys
I literally don’t know what part of this to react to first. The family trauma? Ilya Rozanov feels feelings? ILYA ROZANOV LOVES SHANE HOLLANDER??

@raidersgirl
DOES SHANE KNOW? DO WE KNOW IF HE FOUND OUT

@hollanovmyheros
HOW COULD HE NOT. YOU CAN HEAR IT IN ROZANOVS VOICE

@raidersgirl
that’s not the same as understanding it. DOES HOLLANDER KNOW

@hockeyhickeys
WE DON’T KNOW WE DON’T KNOW. WE KNOW AS LITTLE AS SHANE PROBABLY DOES

@rosiesgirl
well… he probably knows now. RIP

 

@hollanovholdme
He let ilya just talk at him on the phone in a different language for like a whole freaking monologue. It was clearly not their first time talking to each other. That’s not friend behavior

@hockeyhickeys
hear me out. YES IT IS.
you are a bad friend or have bad friends

 

@russiantranslator
All these translations going are ass. Sure the *vibes* are right but y’all are quoting stuff that man didn’t say.

HE IS NOT TRYING TO START A POLY RELATIONSHIP WITH SHANE AND SVETLANA. He’s just saying he loves each of them differently

@raidersgirl
Omg so true. Im pretty sure one translation has ilya confessing to murder 

@annabananna
I read one translation where ilya says “you alone can satisfy my soul” and the another where he says “you’re neat bro” AND I NEED IT TO BE THE FIRST ONE

@russiantranslator
ITS NEITHER. He says “i only want you.” 

@russiantranslator
Watching people who couldn’t point to moscow on a map argue about proper russian translations is my 13th reason i stg

 

@hockeystan
Did anyone know that Rozanov’s life was a Greek tragedy?’

@LitwithFatih
No, his life is very clearly a Russian Tragedy. Tolstoy wishes he could write this

 

@metrosfan
Did anyone else know that Rozanov could do feelings?? I thought he was just a rage bait machine on skates 

@hockeystan
Okay
Not good
Probably bad

this is the only way im going to answer "how are you" from now on

@litwithfatih 

Shane babe, i love you but hearing your rival-cum-boyfriend say his family is terrible and asking if it’s upsetting???

Dearest. Darling boy
Precious baby
OF FUCKING COURSE
You think he’s gonna say “no i’m cool. All just family trauma under the emotional suppression bridge” 

@hockeyhickeys
did you just call Shane Hollander a "cum boyfriend"

@litwithfatih 
OH MY GOD NO. 
Google is free

 

@annabananna 
“Maybe I wish it could be different. I wish he could know me. I don’t know.”

SORRY CAN SOMEONE PULL THIS KNIFE OUT OF MY HEART

@hockeyhickeys
I hope hell is fucking hot you absolute garbage excuse for a father 

@ilyasmole 
I have never hated someone I never met so much. 

@hockeyhickeys
Truly hell is too good for the likes of Grigori Rozanov. He needs to go to extra hell. To super hell 

@hollanovmyheros 
WE KNOW YOU ILYA WE LOVE YOU

@gayasslesbian
This is the most heartbreaking truth of the queer experience for so many people. So many people love you baby!! You’ll find your family (hint: Their last name is Hollander)

 

@raiderslife
Not Ilya in the middle of a full breakdown still making time to chirp Hollander “learn it in one week lmao” imagine roasting someone for being smart

@metrosfan
Also okay, yes Shane is fluent in french but his accent is pretty mid. Sounds completely like an anglophone

 

@gayasslesbian 
Every time Ilya does a sad sniffle my dead gay heart beats again

@hollanovholdme
Ilya, baby, you took care of your dad! You said it yourself. You paid for everything

@hollanovmyheros
“I want more, Ilya. I need more Ilya. MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE.”
Imagine looking at one of the best hockey players of all time and saying “not enough”

@raidersgirl
Ilya Rozanov get behind me baby girl 

@Hockeyhickeys
Ilya, we got you. girls, gays and theys one our own needs us now
WE RIDE AT DAWN

@ilyasmole
I don’t have enough money in my account for a round trip ticket to Russia, but I do have a credit card and poor impulse control.
COUNT YOUR DAYS ILYAS ASSHOLE BROTHER 

 

@hockeystan
imagine you’re Svetlana right now.

ilya: I HAVE NO ONE
ilya: oh… I guess theres Svetlana
ilya: BUT SHES NOT AS GOOD AS YOU

@litwithfatih
this is such a braindead take

 

@live4metros
there’s no way Shane Hollander loves Ilya Rozanov. If this isn’t fake, then at the very most it’s rozanov having some kind of psycho crush on his rival

@hollanovholdme
hey, what if you fucked off and died?

@ilyasmole
ILYA WE SEE YOU AS MORE THAN AN ATM.

Someone hug this man, I beg

@annabananna
Why does his brother hate him???
He says that and doesn’t elaborate

@hollanovmyheros
THAT’S what you’re stuck on?
Not the way his entire family treats him
NOT HIS LOVE FOR SHANE HOLLANDER

 

@3hollanovsinatrenchcoat
Okay I AM freaking out like the rest of you. But I’ve been fighting this fight for a long time. Here’s my tumblr timeline of their relationship, so you can all see this isn’t a new thing bit.ly/slkd840

@hollanovholdme
okay but this is definitely giving first love confession

@3hollanovsinatrenchcoat
this is so real. Wild if they’ve been together since like 2011 but are just confessing feelings but like it really sounds like Ilya’s saying it for the first time.

 

@hockeyhickeys
actual video footage of Shane Hollander learning about this alongside twt

 

@hollanovmyheros
I’m literally in a tattoo shop about to get this inked across my back

@3hollanovsinatrenchcoat
THE WHOLE THING??

@hollanovmyheros
unsure. I might pick up with “Well… well not really no one.” Or I might get the WHOLE DAMN THING

 

@hollanovholdme
Okay hear me out listen to the Russian monologue again but play moonlight sonata under it

Pure cinema

@litwithfatih 
It’s audio online. By definition not cinema 

@hollanovholdms
Kys

 

@hockeyhickeys
god shane is such a hero in that long gap before ilya says he loves him. This dude does not speak a lick of russian and here ilya is with the dramatic pause.

Like my ass woulda been like “you there dude? I can’t hear you. Did the call drop??” not even knowing i was ruining the fucking most romantic moment of my life 

@litwithfatih 
This man goes from pouring his feelings out to his lover of [redacted timeline] for what sounds like the FIRST FUCKING TIME 

Straight back to chirping. YES SIR. HARDER?

@annabananna
Soft dom Ilya Rozanov Confirmed?? 

@3hollanovsinatrenchcoat 
Okay bsfr soft dom roz is like the least surprising part of this thread. His subreddit literally has a flair for it. 

@annabananna
HIS SUBREDDIT. SOFT DOM FLAIR? 

@raidersgirl
Oh girl (gn) you clearly do not know the lore. Although the sub has been pretty quiet the past few months. Everyone was lwk worried about him. I GUESS HE WAS FINE

@3hollanovsinatrenchcoat 
The best part about the r/ilyarozanovlovers is that some fan made a competing r/hollandershotties and all these people joined it waiting to hear stories about girls hollander was hooking up with and it was like nothing. Or obvious bots. Lmao

@litwithfatih 
Okay what part about this call makes you think hes FINE?? 

@annabananna
Fair point. Real question though, do we think they’re exclusive? I would like to update my flair on a certain subreddit I just joined. 

@raidersgirl
HEAR ME OUT. I can fix him I swear. I SWEAR I CAN FIX HIM

 

@hockeyhickeys
I feel like we’re all glossing over the fact that SHANE HOLLANDER calls ILYA ROZANOV SIR when they have sex. There is nothing on earth I would find more surprising

@hollanovholdme
hollanov freak4freak confirmed

@hollanovmyheros
was there ever a doubt? no fkn way

@gayasslesbian 
The ‘fuck you’ after makes me think he does not, in fact, call him sir but who the fuck knows. We are in a brave new world

 

@metrosfan
Okay but the yes sir thing was clearly a chirp

@raiderslife
Get the fuck out of here that was flirting. Any honest jury in the world would find him guilty of flirting

 

@raidersgirl
im going back over old interviews and mic’d up nights I LITERALLY cannot tell whats flirting and whats chirping anymore

@litwithfatih
WAS IT ALWAYS JUST FLIRTING??

@3hollanovsinatrenchcoat

@metrosfan 
Are you looking me in my eye holes and telling me that the rivalry that saved the MLH, that brought us out of the dead puck era, was just unresolved sexual tension? 

@raidersgirl
Oh, I uh, think they resolved it

@hockeyhickeys
It was EMOTIONAL TENSION
Somehow thats worse

 

@ilyasmole 
I cannot get over the fact that they don’t end this call with I love you

@hockeystan
I WISH YOU WERE HERE it hurts soooooo good oh my god 

@hollanovholdme
Shane so is soft i just want to squish him between my hands i have never had cuteness aggression until this very moment and its literally a fully grown 200lb hockey player and i could just 

 

@litwithfatih
Okay okay okay I know that the big question is if shane ever figured out what ilya said or if ilya has told him since then. 

But shane is clearly also in love with ilya. I’ve never heard someone say 'fuck you' with more love in their hearts than he did. 

So my question is if SHANE even knows that he’s in love with ilya? 

@hockeyhickies 
I want to ask how could he not but i do feel like Shane ‘is it very upsetting?’ Hollander might need things spelled out for him a little more. 

@raidersgirl
No. not Shane ‘that’s french Ilya’ Hollander. That man is fully aware of his emotions and those of people around him 

 

@ilyarozanov81 retweeted

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer

Yesterday, a private phone call between us was illegally obtained and leaked online. The call took place while Ilya was in Russia mourning the loss of his father.

Although having the decision to disclose our relationship made for us isn’t ideal, we would like to announce, officially, that we are in a committed, romantic relationship. We wish we could have told you in our own way.

We know that our relationship will be difficult for a lot of people to accept and understand. We have never let our personal relationship interfere with our competitiveness on the ice, and we believe our career achievements show that very clearly. We’ve always kept personal and professional separate, and we hope our teams, our fans, and the league can do the same.

 

A Few Days Later

@TSN
Days after the MLH benched rival captains Hollander and Rozanov, crowds of protestors gathered outside Bell Centre and the MLH offices in Montréal to demand Hollander’s return to the ice.

Read more at tsn.com/romance-bench-protest 

@MontrealMetrosOfficial 
The Metros Officials look forward to welcoming Captain Shane Hollander back on the ice as soon as possible. The entire front office stands behind our two-time Cup-winning captain along with the city of Montréal. 

@hockeyhickeys
LMAO the shade at the MLH. I hope they burn those fuckers in their office

@Metrosfan
Serious it’s Shane Fucking Hollander. That man could fuck every member of my family  and I'd thank him, ask him to sign my sweater and wear it to the next game 

@metrosman
Shane Hollander could frame me for murder and I would just be excited to see him at my court case. 

@litwithfatih
You could tell me Shane Hollander was Jack the Ripper, the zodiac killer, kidnapped Madeline McCann, and crashed that Malaysian flight and I would only ask when his next game started.  

 

@Raidersgirl
👀👀raiders statement when??

 

9 months later 

@MontrealMetrosOfficial 

We would like to formally announce the resignation of long-time coach Michel Thériault, who has stepped down to spend more time with his family. Thank you for an incredible 9 years as our coach and 2 Stanley Cups. 

Assistant Coach Louis Desjardins will fill the position as we begin our search for a new head coach. 

The Metros would also like to welcome our new Assistant Coach, Brandon Wiebe, to the Metros family. Read his bio on our website mtlmetros.com/staff/coaches/profiles-39q08rdj 

@metrosfans
Good fucking riddance to that guy. No room for fucking bigots in Montréal. 

What do we know about this weibe guy?

@hollanovmyheros
“Spend more time with his family” i bet his family won’t even talk to him. He’s from montreal and they’ve gotta love hollander more than him like the rest of city 

@annabananna
That mans only family are a shit sandwich and the devil himself. He got shit canned because he couldn’t work with hollander and let fucking slurs slide on the ice. Absolute disgrace 

@hockeyhickeys
Between this and Comeau’s trade, it’s awesome to see the Metros cleaning house.

 

@hockeygossip
Sources inside the Raiders front office have confirmed that Rozanov said he will not re-sign with the team when he reaches UFA status. Rumors swirl about where Rozanov is likely headed, with all eyes on Montreal.

@raiderslife
Honestly i get it. The raiders have been fine but nothing like the support Montreal has shown Hollander. I mean I’ll hate that motherfucking traitor forever if he leaves but I get it. 

@metrosfan
I’ll be honest I still kinda hate that cocky asshole but if he’s good enough for cap, he’s good enough for me

@hockeyhickeys
Oh ilya rozanov is trying to move to montreal
Fork found in kitchen
Girl, be so for real. He’ll have the least leverage of any athlete ever in his negotiations 

@metrosman
He signed with Farah Jalali, he’s gonna be just fine. Definitely not getting as much as if he stayed with Boston or went to a team without Shane Hollander 

@raiderslife
The things he does for love

@raidersgirl
I don’t want to believe it. Im just hoping they don’t have  the cap space for him

@ilyasmole
That man would sign with montreal for $2 and free pen. His heart eyes are out there for the world to see. Lover boy headed to the city of 100 steeples. Just need to wait a few months to see the ink wet on the page. 

 

@hollanovmyheros
Siri, play “All I do is win” 

Notes:

Chat with me on threads: WitWandWolfbird

I literally just joined, so I haven't posted much. It seems a little scary to be on Threads as an author, but I wanna chat!

i will NEVER pass up a chance to shit can Thériault.
is it realistic that they would fire him mid season? honestly no clue.
Edit: Several people have told me that it's absolutely realistic so YAY!!

I haunt my comments section, so don't be shy!