Archive of Our Own

If there was a singular thing that Squiddo had realized while planning a wedding with a friend group like hers, it was that optimism had to be an active choice.

First off, she had to actively negotiate peace with several different factions so everyone could attend. Secondly, every venue tour had somehow become a debate over escape routes. Thirdly, every planning meeting had devolved into at least one argument about whether fireworks counted as “traditional”.

Not that Squiddo was one for tradition, but still.

One particularly memorable meeting was spent explaining to Pangi, who was both in the bridal party and in charge of building and decorating the venue, that “structural integrity” was in fact needed, and not just a creative suggestion.

Against all odds, though, Squiddo and Ashswag managed to host a wedding.

The church stood proudly on top of a gentle hill, its white quartz walls gleaming in the soft golden light of the morning sun. Ivy climbed up pillars and walls. Intricate stained glass windows scattered colors across the stone path leading up to the church. Carefully tended and freshly grown flower beds wrapped around the entrance, with little bursts of purple and orange flowers throughout.

It looked absolutely perfect.

Squiddo stopped walking before they reached the top of the hill, just looking up and admiring Pangi’s work. The knot in their stomach, which had been causing nausea for weeks, loosened.

“Okay.” Squiddo exhaled, smiling to herself. “This can work.”

She pulled at the tie around her neck to loosen it a little and looked down at their suit. It was pretty simple, suit wise, just a black jacket, white collared shirt, black dress pants, and black tie. She had dyed a pair of leather boots that morning to work as their dress shoes. She also wore minimal jewelry; just an orange beaded bracelet and golden studs in her ears. A gold necklace with a sun charm rested on top of her tie.

Squiddo looked up at the church again. The church was truly stunning. The weather was perfect, with the sun shining and a slight breeze making it not too warm. She had arrived two hours early to make sure everything went smoothly. There wouldn’t be any rushing towards the ceremony, and no disasters, just a beautiful, perfect-

“SQUIDDO!” The shout echoed across the hillside, down to where Squiddo stood.

Squiddo’s smile immediately vanished.

Pangi had come barreling around the corner of the church with his special type of enthusiasm that only popped up before a groundbreaking innovation or a minor catastrophe. Squiddo hoped it was the first one, and knew better than to hope for an in-between.

Pangi skidded to the stop in front of them, breathing only slightly heavier than normal. “You made it!”

“I did.” Squiddo replied, their tone a bit clipped with concern.

“I have something to show you!”

Squiddo folded their arms. “Should I be worried?”

“No!” Pangi said, but the answer had come far too quickly for Squiddo’s liking. After a pause, Pangi admitted, “Maybe just a little.”

Squiddo groaned. “Pangi…”

“It’s fine!” Pangi grinned.

“Why did you hesitate before saying that?”

“I was trying to make it sound more convincing.”

Pangi looked so perfectly innocent that Squiddo absolutely knew what they were about to see, she wouldn’t like. “It didn’t sound any more convincing.”

Pangi promptly ignored her, and his grin grew wider. “Come on. I’ve got one last surprise before everyone gets here.”

Squiddo did not like surprises that she didn’t plan herself. The knot in her stomach firmly tightened again. “What last surprise?”

“Probably the last surprise.” Pangi said, “I mean, it really all depends on your definition of surprise."

“I do not like that sentence.”

“You will!”

Fighting against every instinct telling them to run away, Squiddo allowed herself to be pulled to the top of the hill, finally on the same level as the church.

The hedges leading up to the church steps were perfectly taken care of, all thanks to Hannah, who had spent the better part of yesterday making sure all of the flowers were in order. Everything looked peaceful.

Until Pangi reached into one of the hedges and pulled a lever. Suddenly, a couple of blocks away from the church, a three-block wide gap retracted, and Squiddo had to jump back to stop themself from falling in.

Squiddo completely froze, staring at the gap. “…Pangi.”

In front of her was a moat. Not a decorative pond, which would have been lovely, but a genuine, fortress worthy moat carved in a complete ring around the church.

The most unfortunate detail was that this moat was filled to the brim with lava. Bright orange waves bubbled lazily against polished blackstone walls preventing the lava from tearing through all of the dirt. With another click, a heavy dark oak drawbridge moved into place, stretched across the moat to the front doors of the church.

Pangi stepped forward, opening his arms with the pride of an architect revealing his life’s work. “Squiddo, I present to you, the emergency lava moat!”

Squiddo couldn’t think of anything to say. She blinked and rubbed her eyes, half-convinced the moat was a hallucination, but it remained firmly in place.

Pangi looked at her, a little concerned. “The… The emergency lava moat.” He repeated, as if he was expecting fanfare.

“Oh, I know what you called it.” Squiddo said, rubbing her eyes one last time.

Pangi looked relieved. “For a second I thought you hadn’t heard me.”

Squiddo stared at the lava, then at the drawbridge, then Pangi. “…Why.” She asked, her voice flat.

“It’s tasteful.” Pangi replied, his grin reappearing on his face.

“That wasn’t my question.” Squiddo replied.

“I know.” Pangi said, his grin unwavering.

“Why is there lava around my wedding venue?” Squiddo asked, holding a hand up to her head.

“It’s for emergencies.” Pangi said, like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

“What emergencies?”

Pangi frowned thoughtfully and didn’t give an answer right away. “…Emergencies. That could happen.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“It kind of is.”

“No.”

“It covers all of the emergencies.”

Squiddo rubbed her temples. “What emergency requires surrounding a church with molten rock?”

“What if we’re attacked?”

“At my wedding? That I spent months negotiating peace treaties for?”

“You can never be too careful.” Pangi shrugged.

“Pangi.”

“What?”

“Who the fuck is attacking my wedding?”

Pangi shrugged again. “I don’t know yet. Mapicc supported the installation.”

“There isn’t an attacker!” Squiddo paused. “Wait, did you just say Mapicc allowed you to do this?”

Pangi ignored the question. “Exactly, there isn’t an attacker.” Pangi pointed to the lava moat. “And I’d like to keep it that way."

Squiddo opened their mouth to protest, then closed it, and opened it again after some thought. “You said Mapicc helped you plan this?”

Pangi shuffled his feet. “Maybe.” Squiddo gave him a look. “Well, he had really good defense recommendations. The arrow slits were his idea.”

“The what?”

Pangi gestured proudly towards the church walls. Tiny openings, almost invisible unless you pointed them out, lined the upper sections of the building. “They blend in really well, don’t they?”

Begrudgingly, Squiddo had to admit they were hidden so well, that she didn’t even notice them. She now wished she hadn’t noticed them at all. “Pangi, this is a church. What are arrow slits doing in a church?”

“It’s a fortified church.” He replied cheerily.

“I didn’t ask for a fortified church.” Squiddo replied.

“You didn’t say you didn’t want a fortified church.”

“I thought that was implied!” She said, exasperated.

A loud metallic clunk echoed across the top of the hill. Both of them looked over to the drawbridge. The drawbridge had suddenly lurched upward a few inches before settling back into place with a groan.

Pangi tilted his head. “…Huh.”

Squiddo stared at the drawbridge. “Is it supposed to do that?”

“I mean, eventually.”

“What do you mean, eventually?”

“I scheduled it.”

“You scheduled the drawbridge?”

“Well, it needs to automatically raise during emergencies.”

“What counts as an emergency?”

Pangi looked genuinely confused by the question. “The emergency.”

“There isn’t an emergency!”

“But there could be.”

Squiddo inhaled slowly through their nose. One hiccup was fine. Maybe the moat could be something all of the guests could laugh at later. “I guess I appreciate your preparation, Pangi.”

Pangi perked up. “Thank you!”

“I do not appreciate the moat.”

Pangi looked at the ground. “I figured.”

Squiddo looked towards the drawbridge again, where a neatly carved sign was planted beside the bridge.

Welcome to Squiddo and Ashswag’s Wedding :)
EMERGENCY LAVA MOAT IS ACTIVATED.
Please do not fall in

“You made a sign?” Squiddo turned back to Pangi.

“Presentation is a big part of my job.” Pangi smiled.

Squiddo sighed. “I spent six months giving you features we wanted.”

“Which I did!” Pangi protested.

“There wasn’t lava mentioned. Ever.”

“I adapted to your needs.”

“I didn’t need lava.”

“It’s artistic interpretation.”

“You keep using words wrong.”

“I think I’m using them creatively!”

Before Squiddo could argue any further, another mechanical clicking noise echoed somewhere beneath the stone path. The drawbridge shuddered, a piston hissed, and the bridge lifted halfway before stopping. Then the bridge slammed back into place with enough force that it shook the flowers in their beds.

Pangi watched it carefully. “So it needs some calibration."

“Pangi.” Squiddo said sternly.

“I’ll fix it.”

“When?”

“Soon.”

“When is soon?”

“Before the ceremony.”

“…Pangi, it’s in two hours.”

“Exactly. I’m ahead of schedule.”

Squiddo wasn’t convinced that Pangi and her shared the same understanding of the phrase ahead of schedule.

Pangi clapped his hands together. “Anyways! The inside is even better.”

Squiddo looked one more time at the outside of the church. The flowers were gorgeous. The stained glass was perfectly placed. The architecture was ornate and intricate. The bubbling moat. The drawbridge that didn’t need to be there. The warning sign.

She hasn’t even stepped inside yet, and Squiddo was beginning to think that the lava might not be the most concerning thing Pangi had built.

She sighed. “Lead the way.”

Pangi beamed. “I knew you would appreciate the vision!”

“I didn’t say that-” Squiddo began, but Pangi had already stepped foot on the drawbridge, making his way towards the towering oak doors.

Squiddo followed, trying very hard to not glance at the lava again. The drawbridge creaked loudly underneath their feet. “Pangi, is it supposed to make that noise?”

“I reinforced most of it, so probably.”

Squiddo immediately stopped walking. “Most?”

Pangi was suddenly very interested in opening the front doors to the church.

Warm morning light poured through stained class and across polished stone floors. For a brief moment, it was breathtaking. Orange and purple flowers lined either side of the aisle alongside the pews, tied together with long, white ribbons. Ivy plants wrapped around smooth quartz pillars, and lanterns hung from dark oak beams overhead. Chandeliers made up of what looked like to be tiny diamonds hung above the center of the aisle, toward the direction of the altar.

Then, a shower of bright blue sparks erupted from the center chandelier. Squiddo watched them rain slowly onto the center of the aisle.

Pangi looked up. “That’s new.”

Before Squiddo could reply, another loud clunk could be heard from somewhere deeper inside the church. That sound was followed by the hissing sound of redstone either activating or powering down.

Squiddo felt their eye twitch. “Pangi? What exactly is making that sound?”

Pangi smiled. “I have a few ideas.”

Squiddo had a feeling that they definitely weren’t going to like any of these, either. Still, she held onto hope that the inside would be a bit less disastrous than what happened outside. As long as they ignored the occasional hiss of redstone hidden somewhere in the walls, or the floor, or possibly even the ceiling, it did look exactly like the wedding they’d imagined.

Squiddo smiled despite their concern. “Pangi, it is gorgeous.”

Pangi’s grin grew wider. “I know.”

“I mean it.” Squiddo said, slowly turning in a circle. “This is everything we’d pictured.”

“I did try.” Pangi shrugged.

“You really, really did. Thank you, Pangi, seriously.”

Pangi’s smile suddenly turned a bit more shy. “I wanted it to feel…” He gestured around the church. “…important. You guys deserve it.”

Squiddo turned to look at him. She could see all of the work he had poured into the place, even under the hidden pistons and questionable engineering at best.

A loud click disrupted her thoughts. As she turned to look back down the aisle, the pews somehow managed to slide three blocks to the left, opening up the aisle even wider.

“They can do that.” Pangi said, appearing behind Squiddo.

Squiddo slowly turned toward him. “I didn’t ask for the pews to be able to move.”

“You don’t know you need the feature until you have it.”

“What possible situation needs them to move?”

Pangi paused for a moment. “…Wedding traffic.”

“Wedding… what?”

“It’ll make sense later.”

“No, it absolutely will not-” Squiddo cut herself off as she heard a soft humming sound coming from near the altar. “Do you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

Squiddo turned back down the aisle, walking towards it. “The humming…”

Sitting proudly in front of the altar, so large that Squiddo couldn’t believe she didn’t notice it before, was the wedding cake.

It was absolutely enormous. Six tiers of cake frosted in white buttercream, with each layer decorated with delicate sugar flowers that perfectly matched Hannah’s arrangements. It looked beautiful. It looked delicious.

It also looked like it was vibrating. Very gently, the cake appeared to be vibrating just enough that the tiny frosting flowers trembled every few seconds.

Eggchan, another member of the bridal party, stood beside it with a piping bag in one hand and with a facial expression that told Squiddo he hadn’t slept for at least thirty-six hours.

He carefully added another flower. The cake vibrated. He carefully added another next to the first. The cake vibrated again.

“…Egg?” Squiddo asked.

He looked up. “Oh, hey, Squiddo.” His smile was slightly strained.

“…How’s the cake going?” She asked.

“Good!” He said, just a bit too quickly. “Really good.”

“Can you tell me why it’s moving?”

Eggchan looked at the cake. The cake continued vibrating. “It isn’t.”

“Egg.” Squiddo shook her head.

“It has some personality.”

Squiddo crouched slightly to get a better look at the sugar flowers. The entire table holding the cake gave a tiny wobble. Squiddo nearly sighed with relief. If the table was uneven, that was an easy fix.

“Do you want us to fix the table for you?” She asked Egg.

Egg blinked at her. “What do you mean?”

The knot in Squiddo’s stomach since she got here began to tighten again. “…Is the table uneven?”

“No.” Egg said.

“Now I don’t doubt your baking skills, but, is the cake uneven?”

“No.”

“Then… why is it shaking?”

Eggchan looked up at the ceiling. “Unknown variables.”

“Unknown-” Squiddo began.

“It’ll settle.” Eggchan assured her.

“How, exactly?”

“Confidence.”

Squiddo wasn’t sure confidence counted as structural support. Pangi, however, nodded like this made complete sense.

A raspberry fell off of the third tier of the cake. None of the group acknowledged it.

A voice echoed from somewhere behind them. “Well then, odds just dropped.”

Squiddo sighed before turning around. She knew who it was without having to look, but like a train wreck, you couldn’t look away from it.

Reddoons, Ash’s best man, had somehow converted one of the reception tables into what suspiciously looked like a casino. Emeralds, diamonds, gold, even a few scraps of netherite surrounded him. An enchanted fishing rod was for some reason placed on top of the pile of riches. Written books were tossed all over the table. Three item frames had current odds to mysterious events written on them. And then, there was a larger item frame, with a very, very concerning list of events on it.

Reddoons looked up as Squiddo walked over. “The groom has arrived.” He grinned.

“The groom.” Squiddo confirmed.

“You made it.”

“I’m starting to regret that I have.”

“You wanna place one?”

“Place…?” Squiddo asked.

“A bet.”

Squiddo turned to read the board.

OFFICIAL WEDDING ODDS
First person to cry
Will anyone object?
Cake survives ceremony
Number of structural failures
Number of casualties

Squiddo turned to Reddoons. “Red.”

“Yeah?”

“Why are casualties an option?”

“Historical data.” He shrugged. “Gotta tap into all of the markets.”

“What historical data?”

“Our friend group. Battles. Wars.”

This was the least concerning thing Squiddo has seen so far, so she turned away. “…Fair.”

Mapicc, acting as head of security despite never being assigned it, was leaning against a nearby pillar, studying the board. “I still think you’re undervaluing assassination attempts.”

“There aren’t going to be any assassination attempts.” Squiddo insisted immediately.

Mapicc looked at Squiddo. “That’s exactly what someone planning one would say.”

“I’m the groom, Mapicc.”

“Excellent cover.”

Squiddo didn’t know how to deal with that, but at least Mapicc was taking his job seriously. Even if it was a little much. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

Mapicc nodded approvingly. “Good operational security.”

Reddoons scribbled some numbers onto the board. “Assassination odds have been adjusted!” He announced to the entire church.

“Why?” Squiddo sighed, trying to prevent themself from snapping.

Reddoons nodded at Mapicc, who was now scanning the rafters. “Market demand.”

Before Squiddo could object further, Hannah, a member of the groomsmen (in this case, grooms-women) hurried past them all with enough flowers to stock an entire florist. She was balancing three half-finished bouquets under one arm while somehow pinning ribbons to a pew at the same time.

She didn’t even look up at the group, but did offer a quick; “Morning.”

“Hannah.” Reddoons nodded respectfully.

“You okay?” Squiddo asked, noticing the dark circles underneath her eyes.

“No.” Hannah said, again, not looking up.

“Understandable…” Squiddo trailed off.

Hannah didn’t even slow down to chat. “I’m about twenty minutes behind schedule.”

“Because of the flowers?”

Hannah laughed without real humor behind it. “I wish.” She looked up towards the ceiling. “I’ve already had to stop Pangi from installing two more chandeliers.”

“They would have looked nice,” Pangi called from the altar defensively.

“They would have FALLEN!” Hannah shot back.

“THEY WOULD HAVE LOOKED NICE WHILE FALLING!”

Hannah shook her head. “No.”

Squiddo walked up with her to the altar, casting a wary glance back towards Reddoons. When Hannah reached the altar, she paused and bent down.

“Pangi.” She said, her voice already scolding.

“Yeah?” He asked, kneeling to look at what she was looking at.

“Why.” Hannah prompted.

Squiddo followed her gaze. Nestled discreetly beneath the altar cloth was five blocks of TNT, placed there for Herobrine-knows-what-reason.

Pangi blinked. “Oh. Sorry. I thought I moved those.”

“You thought?” Hannah snorted.

“I definitely meant to.”

Without wasting a single second more, Hannah crouched down. She scooped the TNT into one arm, shifted the bouquets to the other, threw a pristine white tablecloth over the now, properly empty space, smoothed the fabric once, and looked triumphantly over to Squiddo. “There. Now nobody saw that.”

Squiddo couldn’t help but be impressed, but also deeply concerned about Hannah’s well-being. “Hannah…” They began.

“I’ve stopped asking questions.” Hannah shook her head.

“When?”

“Yesterday.” She sighed. “I’ve been decorating since six.”

“This morning?”

“Yesterday morning.”

Pangi raised a hand. “To defend her, we did keep redesigning the layout.”

“You redesigned the layout five times.” Hannah shot back.

“Creativity is never in a straight line Hannah! It’s fluid!”

“So is lava.” Squiddo muttered.

“Exactly!” Pangi said proudly.

“That isn’t helping you.”

Hannah looked between Pangi and Squiddo. Then toward the cake. Then over to Reddoons accepting another bet. Then up to the still-sparking chandelier overhead. She closed her eyes for a long moment.

“I need a potion.” Without another word, she marched over to the reception hall.

Squiddo watched her leave. “We should probably stop her.”

“No.” Pangi shook his head solemnly. “She’ll find her way back.”

Squiddo wasn't entirely sure whether he meant Hannah, or the potion. Another distant clunk echoed somewhere high above them. Both of them immediately looked up to the ceiling.

Pangi was frowning. “Huh.”

Squiddo’s knot tightened yet again. “What do you mean, huh?”

Pangi kept staring upward. “I don’t remember putting a piston up there.”

“You don’t remember?”

“I put a lot of pistons in.”

“That is somehow the least comforting thing you’ve said all morning.”

Another mechanical click echoed through the church. Everyone immediately looked around, but nothing happened. For a moment. Then, the malfunctioning chandelier slowly began to rotate. Not quickly, but steadily. Almost as if someone had decided the center light should double as a windmill.

Squiddo highly doubted this wasn’t on purpose. “Why is it spinning, Pangi?”

Pangi tilted his head, his expression of confusion but also awe at his own work. “It isn’t supposed to.”

“I think that should concern you more.”

“It’ll probably stop soon.”

It didn’t stop. Instead, it picked up speed, not enough to become dangerous, hopefully. It had just enough speed that the colored light from the stained glass windows swept slowly across the room like a lighthouse.

Eggchan glanced up from the cake. “It’s kind of pretty.”

“It is not staying.” Squiddo said quickly.

“Oh.” Eggchan looked mildly disappointed.

Trying very hard to focus on anything else, Squiddo wandered toward the front pews. Something white laid on the floor. Figuring it was another decoration list, she bent down to pick it up. Instead, they found a folded betting slip. They unfolded it.

Official Ceremony Pool
Will The Bride Or Groom Cry First?
How Many Structural Failures?
Cake Survival Time (Minutes)
First Explosion (And Is It The Cake?)
Total Casualties

Squiddo immediately sighed. “Red.”

From across the room, Reddoons looked up immediately. “Oh.” He crossed the church in seconds, plucking the begging slip from Squiddo’s hands before they could finish reading. “You weren’t supposed to see that one.”

“There are odds on casualties.”

“There are odds on everything.”

Squiddo couldn’t help but stare at him. “Red…”

He casually tucked the betting slip back into his jacket. “Don’t worry. This is for a good cause.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“You didn’t ask a question.”

Before Squiddo could protest, someone called Reddoons’ name from across the room. “Hey! Is the chandelier still at three-to-one?”

Reddoons glanced up at it, then cupped his hands around his mouth. “It just accelerated!”

“Oh, sweet!”

Reddoons flashed Squiddo an apologetic smile. “Business.” He walked back over to his betting table.

Squiddo could only watch in disbelief as Hannah, carrying another armful of flowers, walked past the board.

Reddoons looked up hopefully. “Hannah?”

“No.”

“Double or nothing on whether the cake survives?”

“…No.”

“I’ll cover half of your bet…”

Hannah stopped, looked at the board, and then the cake. She threw three emeralds on the table.

Squiddo gasped. “Hannah!”

She didn’t look back. “What? I’m betting for the cake. I need to win something today.” She walked away before Squiddo could reply.

Reddoons scribbled onto the board. “Cake believers up to six.”

The front doors creaked open, and conversation died down. Squiddo turned immediately, her eyes finding Ashswag.

Ashswag stepped inside wearing a white wedding gown, and Squiddo couldn’t help but pause to admire how beautiful he looked.

Unfortunately, though, the church had no plans of pausing. As he stopped just inside the entrance, a lantern overhead fizzled out. The chandelier sped up again. Somewhere outside, Squiddo heard the unmistakable splash of something falling into lava, which was promptly followed by Pangi shouting;

“THAT WASN’T LOAD BEARING!”

Ash simply looked around. He took in the flowers, the stained glass, the decorations, the humming cake, the rotating chandelier, and the betting ring. His eyes drifted upwards just as another shower of sparks fell from the ceiling.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “I like it.”

Squiddo laughed once, a short, disbelieving laugh. “You like it?”

“Mhm.” Ash stepped further inside, setting a bag he had over his shoulder beside one of the pews. “It’s nice. Pangi did a good job.”

“The chandelier is spinning.”

“I noticed.”

“The cake is vibrating.”

“I noticed.”

“Pangi built a lava moat.”

“I crossed it.”

“There is active gambling.”

Ashswag glanced toward Reddoons. “…Good turnout.”

Squiddo threw their hands into the air. “How are you this calm?”

Ashswag considered the question, then looked around the church again. Everyone was busy, Pangi was tightening bolts on a support beam. Hannah was fixing flowers with the speed of someone trying to outrun fate. Eggchan was staring at his cake in dismay with increased concern. Mapicc had begun to check sight lines from the bell tower. Reddoons was taking bets from three different people at once.

Despite all of the problems, everyone was here, helping, in their own strange, deeply concerning ways. That is what Ashswag saw, in the end, so he was perfectly okay.

Squiddo did not see the strange harmony and just saw the issues, and Squiddo was decisively not okay.

Ash looked back at Squiddo, who was one stone’s throw away from a panic attack. “I am calm,” He shrugged, “Because it’s our wedding.” He spoke softly, and the words were simple, as though they explained everything. To Ash, they probably did explain everything.

They did not explain everything to Squiddo, but her fiance’s calm was rubbing off on her. Squiddo looked around again. The church definitely wasn’t perfect. Knowing Pangi, it probably never had been. It certainly wasn’t perfect now. Another piston hissed somewhere inside the walls. The chandelier continued to spin. The cake continued to vibrate.

Someone yelled from outside; “WHO PUT THE FISHING ROD IN THE MOAT?”

Reddoons immediately shouted back, “LEAVE IT!”

Squiddo couldn’t even bring herself to ask why. Ash reached over, gently bumping his shoulder with Squiddo’s. “It’ll be okay, babe.”

Squiddo smiled despite herself. “You really believe that?”

“I do.” Ash smiled back.

Almost on cue, a hidden piston activated with a loud thunk. One entire section of the side wall slid open, revealing a long stone hallway stretching into darkness. Everyone immediately stopped, and silence fell over the hall.

Squiddo slowly turned to look at Pangi. “...What’s in there?”

Pangi frowned. “I don't remember.”

“You don’t remember?” Squiddo said incredulously.

“ I built a lot of hallways.”

From somewhere deep within the forgotten corridor, a faint hissing sound began. Every head turned to look at the possible trap.

Pangi pointed into the darkness. “I’ll go check.” Ashswag handed him a sword, and he disappeared into the darkness. Five seconds passed without sign of him, then his voice echoed back through the hallway. “FALSE ALARM!” A temporary silence. “Actually, maybe don’t come down here.”

Squiddo closed her eyes and inhaled slowly, then exhaled even slower. The wedding wasn’t until noon. Everyone still had two hours left. “Surely,” Squiddo mused, “Surely this was the worst thing to happen today.”

Behind them, another piston clicked ominously.

Ashswag looked over. “You don’t believe that.”

Squiddo opened one eye. “Not even a little.”

By eleven, Squiddo had officially given up on even trying to stick to a schedule anymore. There had once been a neatly organized checklist. Flowers? Done. Venue? Mostly standing. Cake? …Debatable. Guests arriving? Unfortunately. Every other item beneath that had dissolved into scribbled notes, arrows, crossed-out arrows, and increasingly frantic reminders such as ASK PANGI ABOUT THE CLICKING and WHY ARE THERE CHICKENS WHERE PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PUTTING THEIR HORSES??? (The second one, somehow, had been Reddoons, not Pangi.)

Squiddo stared at the page of notes and a half-completed list. She then quietly folded it in half before tossing it into the trash. There was no point in trying anymore.

“Squiddo?”

Squiddo looked up, and Prince Zam, the maid of honor, was approaching with the quiet confidence of someone walking into high-stress diplomatic negotiations rather than a wedding. She looked stunning in her blue dress with silver detailing; his color choice, as Squiddo didn’t care, as long as no one else wore white on Ashswag’s behalf. Her dress was steamed and immaculate. Her diamond jewelry was perfectly shiny. She was carrying an open book and quill, as normal.

“I’ve completed seating arrangements.” Zam said softly.

“Oh, thank goodness.” Squiddo sighed.

“There is one issue, though.”

Squiddo’s shoulders immediately slumped. “How bad?”

“Mapicc requested an aisle seat, so he can-” Zam put the rest in air quotes, “‘respond to threats faster.’” She shrugged. “I moved him two rows closer to the exit.”

“Thank you so much.” Squiddo sighed. Zam was becoming her saving grace, along with Hannah.

“He also requested rooftop access.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Already told him. He also submitted a twelve page proposal regarding emergency evacuation procedures.”

“Burn it.”

“I filed it away, he does have some good points, just in case we need it.”

Squiddo sighed. “You’re saving me, you know that?”

“Hannah may have mentioned that.”

Before Squiddo could thank him again, Reddoons wandered by carrying an alarming number of emeralds.

“Red?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I have the rings?”

Reddoons stopped walking. “...Eventually.”

Squiddo blinked. “Eventually?”

“I’m in between locations.”

“What does that mean, Red?” Squiddo stood up, becoming increasingly panicked.

“They’re…” Red shrugged, “...temporarily misplaced.”

“Misplaced. The wedding rings.”

“Yep.”

“Before the wedding. In an hour.”

“Correct.”

“Reddoons.”

“They’re safe.”

“Where.”

“...They certainly are safe, I’ll tell ya that.”

“REDDOONS.”

“I know where they are.”

Squiddo sighed, and sat down again. “Oh, thank goodness.”

“I just can’t get to them right now.”

“Why not?”

“Logistical purposes.”

Something about that answer felt deeply, fundamentally wrong to Squiddo at this point. Squiddo narrowed her eyes.

“Red.”

“Yes?”

“You didn’t… use the rings for anything, did you?”

Reddoons looked genuinely offended. “I would never, Squiddo.”

Squiddo relaxed slightly. Maybe he was truly just protecting them and their location.

“Without a plan.” Reddoons added.

“WHAT?” Squiddo exploded immediately, surging to her feet again and grabbing his shoulders.

“Collateral.” Reddoons shrugged. “It was a temporary arrangement.”

“You pawned our WEDDING RINGS.”

“I prefer the phrase ‘leveraged existing assets.’”

“You BET THE WEDDING RINGS?”

“I was on a hot streak.”

“A HOT-”

“I doubled the return on investment.”

“REDDOONS.”

“I’m up forty three emeralds now.”

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR PROFIT MARGIN, REDDOONS.”

“I mean…” He glanced toward the betting table. “You might care soon.”

A sound ripped out of Squiddo’s throat that wasn’t any known language.

Prince Zam pinched the bridge of her nose, shutting her eyes. “Who has the rings now?”

Reddoon’s expression of thoughtfulness did not help Squiddo’s anxiety. “Excellent question.”

“Reddoons.” Zam snapped, and he shrunk a little bit.

“No, no, I know this.” He said quickly. He began to count on his fingers. “I traded them to Hannah.”

“I never had them!” Hannah called from across the room.

“Right.” Reddoons nodded. “Then Mapicc.”

“I refused them on operational grounds.” Mapicc called, actively confiscating the rose thorns Hannah had taken off of the bouquets.

“True. Then I gave them to Egg-”

Eggchan looked up from the cake. “I said they were bad structural supports.”

“Right.” Reddoons frowned. “Huh.”

Squiddo felt dangerously calm, like a rubber band being pulled tight, but two inches away from snapping. “Reddoons.”

“I remember!” He protested. Everyone turned toward him hopefully. “I traded them for a fishing rod.”

Silence fell over the church, broken only by Hannah accidentally tipping over a flower pot. She bit her lip, looking like she was about to burst into tears.

“Why.” Squiddo asked.

“It was enchanted.” Reddoons shrugged.

Before Squiddo could fully process what she’d just heard, she heard her name called.

“Squiddo!” JumperWho appeared seemingly out of nowhere, with a warm smile on her face that relaxed the room. She wore a beautiful, soft pink dress that was off the shoulder. “There you are.”

Squiddo couldn’t help but relax around Jumper, just a little bit. “Hi, Jumper.”

“I’ve been looking for you.”

“Why? Is something else wrong?”

“No, no,” Jumper waved her hand. “I’m here because I think you need five minutes.”

“Five minutes?” Squiddo was confused.

“To breathe,” Jumper clarified.

“I don’t have five-”

Jumper gently took both of Squiddo’s hands in her own. “You’ve been carrying this entire wedding for months.”

Squiddo blinked. “Well, yeah it's our wedding.”

“You deserve to be excited too, not just stressed.” Jumper said.

Squiddo relaxed, ever so slightly. It just felt nice for someone to acknowledge how hard she’d been working. “Thanks, Jumper.”

“Breathe for a few minutes, okay?” She said, placing a hand on Squiddo’s shoulder. “I’ll see what I can do, and you can get back to things.”

Squiddo nodded, and Jumper started walking away. Halfway across the room, she paused beside Hannah, who was clearly in distress herself. She bit her lip so hard that she’d drawn blood, and she was looking at the tipped flower pot as a single tear went down her face.

“Oh!” Jumper said, reaching over to lightly touch Hannah’s shoulder. “Hannah, can I borrow you for a second?”

Hannah didn’t reply, and instead continued staring at the flowers. Jumper knelt down and arranged the flowers again, and then and only then did Hannah look at her.

“Can I borrow you?” Jumper asked patiently.

“Sure.” She sniffled. “What can I help you with? I’m almost done with the flowers-”

Jumper tilted her head. “Nothing like that, Hannah. I was just wondering, how are you doing?”

Squiddo smiled. Good. Hannah more than deserved someone checking in on her.

“I mean, if you’re asking,” Hannah laughed weakly. “I haven’t slept, I’ve been rearranging flowers for eighteen hours, my eye keeps twitching for no reason, and I don’t remember the last meal I ate.” Hannah looked down at her now righted flower pot. “Sometimes I think the carnations are laughing at me.”

Jumper nodded sympathetically as she and Squiddo watched Hannah practically collapse in real time.

“Let's talk.” Jumper offered an arm to her, and Hannah took it, leading her to one of the side rooms.

Squiddo blinked. Well, at least someone was checking-

“Parrot!” Jumper called from inside the room.

Parrot, who was leaning against a pillar, carefully watching Reddoon’s casino, looked up. “Oh, this should be good.” Parrot generally considered himself immune to Jumper’s therapy (though Jumper insists she's not a therapist) sessions. So, he wandered to the side room with the absolute confidence of someone absolutely certain nothing emotionally significant would happen to him.

Squiddo had a feeling he was about to be very, very wrong. She also knew she had made a very, very important mistake. They had assumed just because Jumper was calm, kind, and generally one of the most reasonable people in the room, her side emotional conversations would somehow make things less chaotic.

She knew that she had been painfully wrong when in the span of twenty minutes, Jumper had turned the entire wedding preparation into what appeared to be a group therapy session. Squiddo wasn’t sure how it happened exactly, but they did know where it started. It had started with Parrot.

“So,” Jumper said, smiling warmly at him.

The two of them had sat in one of the side rooms, and Parrot sat across from Jumper, looking far too comfortable for the position he was in.

He raised an eyebrow at her, almost like a challenge. “So.”

“You’ve been making jokes about the wedding all morning.” Jumper observed.

“Have I?”

“Yes.”

Parrot shrugged. “I make jokes about everything.”

“I know.”

“So it's not out of the ordinary.”

Jumper smiled. “Why?”

Parrot blinked. “Why… what?”

“Why do you feel the need to joke about everything?” Jumper challenged, intertwining her fingers together.

Parrot paused, even if it was for the briefest moment. Squiddo was standing outside the room, desperately searching for any clue about the rings’ location, but she heard the pause too.

Parrot quickly put a grin on his face and deflected with impressive expertise. “Wow. That was an actual therapist question.”

Jumper laughed. “I’m not a therapist, I’m just asking you. Why do you joke so much?”

Parrot shrugged again. “Because it's funny.”

“Is it?” Jumper tilted her head to the side.

“Usually, yeah.”

“Usually?”

Another pause occurred, and Squiddo looked away from the two. She had only been trying to find the rings, and didn’t mean to overhear an emotionally charged moment. They could start to see how this was becoming an issue.

The door opened when Squiddo was across the hall, checking under a table for the rings. She was seriously debating holding Reddoon’s at axe-point at this rate. Parrot walked out of the door, and she looked over.

“Everything okay?” She checked.

“Yeah.” Parrot said, but he looked almost dismayed.

“That sounded…” Squiddo trailed off, not sure how to describe it.

“It wasn’t.” Parrot quickly replied.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Parrot said, pausing before saying; “Marriage is kind of weird, though.”

Squiddo could feel a migraine developing at this point. “What?”

“I mean, think about it.” Parrot said, a glazed-over look in his eyes. “It’s a social tradition where two people publicly promise their loyalty to each other in front of witnesses. Then everyone cries.”

“Parrot-” Squiddo began.

“And then they eat cake. Why do they eat cake?”

Squiddo grabbed Parrot’s shoulders and shook him once. “Parrot.”

He seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was under. “What?”

“Please don’t start philosophizing about marriage right before my own.”

“I’m just saying.” He argued, pointing toward the altar. “Everyone acts like it’s the most important thing in the world.”

Squiddo stared at him. “To me, right now, it is.”

“I know.” Parrot replied, walking away. “That’s the weird part.”

Squiddo stood frozen, hardly able to process what he was saying before she heard Jumper’s voice again, soft and comforting.

“No, Zam.”

Squiddo couldn’t imagine that sounded good, so she walked back to the door. With a peek inside, she saw Zam, who was fidgeting with the hem of her dress.

Zam looked absolutely exhausted, with a vacant stare that seemed to go through Jumper.

“I don’t think I put enough pressure on myself.” They said.

Jumper tilted her head. “You just told me you’ve spent the last three weeks organizing everyone’s responsibilities.”

“Yeah.”

“And managing the guest list.”

“Yes.”

“And negotiating with Pangi about the lava moat.”

Zam groaned. “I’m just glad that didn’t turn into a diplomatic incident. It could have been so much worse.”

“How?”

“He wanted a second moat.” Zam looked down at her dress again and stopped to pull off their gloves. “I just want things to go well.”

The honesty in her voice made Squiddo pause completely, because that was exactly how she felt. It was nice to know she had Zam on her side, and Hannah as well. She couldn’t quite figure out if Jumper was on her side at the moment.

“I know everyone jokes about weddings and getting married,” Zam continued, “but weddings do matter.”

Jumper nodded. “Because?”

Zam thought for a moment before replying. “Because it’s about celebrating how deep your connection is with another human being who cares about you the same way. If we can’t celebrate our connections, which, in my personal opinion, makes life worth it, then are we humans at all?”

Squiddo swallowed and stopped peeking inside of the room. Maybe Jumper's conversations weren’t a disaster. Maybe they were actually good. Maybe-

Zam speaking cut her thought process off. “Also, I have no idea how to be a good groomsperson. Everyone expects me to know what I’m doing, but-”

Squiddo couldn’t stand by just listening as one of her closest friends broke down. She walked into the room and said, “Zam.”

They looked up, startled. “What are you doing here?”

“No matter.” Squiddo shook her head. Best not to make Zam more stressed than he was. “You’ve solved half of my problems today alone.”

“That isn’t the same thing as your emotional worries.” Zam argued back. “I solved logistical problems, and emotional ones are different.”

“I could hear you negotiating with Pangi to actually fix the chandeliers.” Squiddo said softly. “How is that not emotional?”

“Because I threatened the chandelier.” Zam shrugged. “Not emotionally, though.”

Squiddo shrugged and took a few steps back for her own safety.

Jumper smiled. “See? You both care, and you’re doing your jobs the best you can.”

Neither Squiddo nor Zam looked completely convinced. Squiddo, meanwhile, turned back to the main hall to continue her hunt for the rings.

The first thing she saw was Hannah, sitting on a bench. The second thing she saw was that Hannah was actively crying. She wasn’t crying dramatically or loudly, but she was quietly holding a bouquet of flowers, staring at it like they had personally betrayed her. Squiddo immediately crossed the hall to her.

“Hannah?” She asked cautiously.

Hannah looked up, not even reacting to Squiddo’s careful tone. “Oh.” She sniffled, and wiped her eyes. “Sorry.”

“Why are you crying Rose?” Squiddo asked, using the nickname she used for Hannah when she was upset.

“I’m fine.” Hannah looked away from her, as if to hide her tears.

“I know that’s not true.”

“I know.” Hannah looked down at the flowers. “I just wanted it to be perfect for you, Squiddo.

The words hit harder than Squiddo had expected them to. Hannah didn’t care about appearances, well, she did, but not to show it off, she just wanted it to be how Squiddo and Ashswag dreamed of. She wanted it to be perfect because she cared so deeply.

“I’ve spent all of this time trying to make it beautiful.” Hannah sniffed again. “And then fucking Pangi put a lava moat around it.”

Squiddo nodded.

“Then Reddoons has managed to lose the rings, and the cake is making noises, and don’t get me started on Mapicc, who keeps asking me where the best defensive positions are, whatever that means.”

Squiddo paused. “Wait. Mapicc is asking you what?”

Hannah nodded. “He said flowers create blind spots.”

Squiddo sighed. “Of course he did. Hannah, why don’t you go spend some more time with Jumper? I’ll come and check on you when I can.”

Hannah nodded, and Squiddo looked around the hall to find Mapicc.

Mapicc stood near the entrance, completely serious. He stood with the attitude of a soldier, watching and waiting for something to happen.

Squiddo approached slowly and with caution. “Mapicc.”

He nodded at her. “Squiddo.”

“What are you doing?”

“Security.”

“I know that, I mean, right now.”

“Scanning for potential threats.”

“Mapicc, we have treaties. There are no threats.”

Mapicc nodded toward the doors. “The venue has a defensive perimeter.”

“Because Pangi built it.”

“Exactly.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better.”

“It should. It fortifies the church.” Mapicc crossed his arms. “I’ve identified several vulnerabilities.”

Squiddo prepared herself and gave into their curiosity. “What vulnerabilities?”

“Possible infiltration points.”

“…Okay.”

“Blind corners, unprotected entrances, and the rafters.”

“The rafters?” Squiddo asked. “Why?”

Mapicc narrowed his eyes and pointed. “Because someone’s up there.”

Squiddo followed his line, and high above the church, hidden among the wooden beams, was Wemmbu. He was a guest, so he was allowed there, and was supposed to be holding a camera, but he was certainly not supposed to be in the rafters.

Squiddo blinked. “Wemmbu?” She called.

The camera slowly turned downward to them. A dramatic voice echoed through the church. “Day one. The wedding preparations have begun.”

Squiddo stared. “How long have you been up there?”

Wemmbu adjusted the camera. “Long enough.”

Mapicc shot into the air using his elytra, wielding his sword at Wemmbu as he landed on the rafter with him. “State your purpose.”

Wemmbu looked confused. “My… purpose?”

“You are positioned above the ceremony.” Mapicc said, jabbing his sword into Wemmbu’s ribs.

“Ow! I’m filming, you-”

Mapicc cut him off. “Suspicious.”

“It’s literally my job.”

“That’s what someone filming for espionage would say.”

Wemmbu paused. “That’s a very specific accusation, you know.”

Mapicc narrowed his eyes. “I’m sure you’ve heard worse.”

“OKAY!” Squiddo yelled up to them. “Can we please stop treating my wedding like it’s a military operation?!”

Squiddo heard a crack above her that made their stomach drop. The rafter beneath Wemmbu’s feet was shifting.

Wemmbu looked down. “That’s not-”

Mapicc immediately grabbed him and clipped an elytra onto his back. “Move.”

“What?”

“NOW.”

The two of them jumped off of the rafter and landed safely on the floor. Sadly, the same could not be said for the beam, which crashed to the ground. Dust filled the air, and silence followed.

Wemmbu slowly raised his camera, with the red light still blinking. “That was excellent footage.”

Mapicc stared. “You almost died.”

“Yes, and that just makes it more dramatic.” Wemmbu grinned.

Squiddo rubbed her temples. The migraine had definitely kicked in. She looked around the room, just to take in the day’s events. The cake was still vibrating. The rings were still missing. Half of the wedding party was with Jumper, having emotional epiphanies. Mapicc was fighting imaginary assassins. Wemmbu was filming it all, documenting the disasters with nature documentary levels of intensity. Ashwag… Ashswag was calmly helping Pangi fix the rafter that fell. Ashswag wasn’t even slightly stressed. For some reason, that was the last straw for Squiddo.

Squiddo began to feel something inside them begin to crack. They were shattering so badly they weren’t sure if they were stressed anymore. She could tell that there was stressed, there was overwhelmed, there was exhausted. There was also whatever feeling that came after someone watched her own wedding slowly become a military fortress, a therapy retreat, and a gambling operation all before the ceremony had even started. Squiddo was also past that, somewhere between laughing and crying. If she was going to be honest, it was probably mostly crying.

She stood in the center of the hall, staring at the chaos surrounding them. The church, somehow, was still beautiful. Underneath all that chaos, the flowers were perfect. The decorations were stunning. The sunlight shone through the stained glass exactly how she’d imagined it.

Everyone had worked so hard, and somehow everything was still falling apart.

“Squiddo.”

She turned, and found Ashswag beside them, completely calm. She could tell it was a genuine calm, too, not a fake calm or an ignoring everything calm. He was actually, completely calm.

Squiddo didn’t understand how. “How are you doing that?”

Ashswag blinked. “Doing what?”

Squiddo gestured wildly at him, trying to encapsulate his emotions. “That. What you’re doing right now. Being normal, when everything is so not normal, I guess.”

Ashswag looked around, taking in the scene once again. The cake continued to hum. A section of the wall was still slightly open from Pangi’s forgotten hallway, and Mapicc was staring at it suspiciously. Reddoons continued to take bets. Wemmbu was gleefully reviewing footage of the rafter collapse.

“I guess I am being normal.” Ashswag shrugged.

Squiddo just stared at him. “No.” She shook her head, not even sure what she was saying ‘no’ to, at this point. “No, no no.”

Ash tilted his head at her. “What should I be doing?”

“I don’t know!” Squiddo burst out, the words louder than originally intended. The room slowly started to quiet down. “I don’t know, Ashswag!” She ran a hand through her hair, messing up the work Hannah had spent hours on. “I just-” Tears of several different emotions rushed to her eyes, and she swallowed hard, trying to get rid of them. Her voice still cracked as she said, “I thought everyone would care, you know?”

Silence followed her words. All of the joking and the chaos stopped, and even Reddoons looked up from his precious betting board. Squiddo looked around the room, at all of the chaos, and not exactly at all of the people.

“Everyone keeps saying it’s all fine.” They laughed once without any humor. “Pangi built a fucking lava moat, and everyone just accepted that.”

Pangi raised a hand. “It’s a very good moat.”

“Not helping.” Ashswag told him, without breaking eye contact with Squiddo.

“Sorry.” Pangi whispered.

Squiddo ignored him and continued on. “Reddoons lost our wedding rings.”

Reddoons immediately looked away from her, the first signs of guilt falling over his face. “I know where they are.” He offered.

Squiddo turned on him. “That’s not better! You fucking gambled our wedding rings!”

“I invested them.” Reddoons replied, guilt settling heavy in his entire posture.

Squiddo felt her hands curl into fists. “YOU INVESTED THE RINGS.” She yelled, incredulous of what she was hearing.

“With excellent returns.” Reddoons shrugged, but even he shrunk back a little.

“That is in no way the point!” Squiddo huffed, and the room went quiet again. Squiddo made sure to take a couple breaths before continuing, but the hard tone still remained in her voice. “They’re our wedding rings.” Their voice softened, as the anger broke away to a level of upset she wasn’t sure she had felt before. “They’re our rings, and they’re a symbol of Ashswag and I’s bond everlasting, its literally written in the fucking vows. They’re important. And I know everyone is trying to help-” Squiddo looked at Hannah’s exhausted face, at Zam’s clipboard that she clung to like a lifeline, at Jumper’s worried expression, and at Pangi’s guilty glance. “I know, believe me, and I appreciate it. But every time I look around, it feels like I’m the only person who remembers this is supposed to be a wedding.”

Their words settled into the air, reminding everyone of how Squiddo saw the event personally. It wasn’t a party, or an excuse to build something ridiculous, or make bets, or create chaos. It was a wedding. Their wedding. It was something more than all of that to Squiddo.

“Why am I the only person acting like this is a wedding?”

The silence after was heavy and filled with the party’s own emotions. Still, nobody made a joke, or argued, or laughed awkwardly. Even the cake seemed to stop vibrating.

Squiddo immediately looked down at her dress shoes. Regret had started to creep in. Maybe she had gone too far. Maybe she was being unfair. Of course she knew everyone here cared. But, they were just… really, really tired.

Then Ashswag broke the silence, taking a step towards them and closing the gap.

Quietly, he told her, “I am.”

Squiddo looked up at him, reading his emotions with the skill of someone being with their partner for a very long time. He wasn’t offended, hurt, or defensive. He was just observing her and her emotions, treading carefully.

“I am acting like this is our wedding.” He said.

Squiddo blinked back some tears as Ash glanced around the room. He looked at the chaos, the disaster, and the ridiculousness of it all. Still, he saw what he always did; the effort that everyone was putting into the ceremony. Most of all, he saw Squiddo’s effort. He saw all of the planning and the decisions that were put into the wedding with her direction. He saw the flowers she had spent ages sketching under lamplight. He saw the colors she, Jumper, and Hannah had compared for days. He saw all the effort she had placed, and how they, of course, would be feeling right now. Ashswag knew they were thinking all of their efforts were going to waste, when in reality, the reason everything remained standing, the reason everything remained beautiful, was because of Squiddo in the first place.

He swore that if Squiddo exited the church, everything would look less vibrant, less colorful, and less stunning. Squiddo, the beautiful person she was, was the focal point of the wedding for him, and simply brought color to all that she touched. Like she had taken her personal paintbrush and with a lot of time and effort she chose to place, she had created a living example of what heaven could be like.

Ashswag always knew he had one foot in heaven, but he didn’t realize until now that it was because he had found it on earth with Squiddo.

“I know it’s not perfect.” He told her, taking one of their hands in his. A small smile crossed his face. “Obviously not.”

A tiny laugh escaped someone, maybe Hannah, or maybe Zam.

“I know the venue is falling apart.” He told Squiddo.

Pangi looked mildly offended by this.

To spare his friend’s feelings, he added, “It’s mostly standing.” He continued on. “I know the rings are missing.”

Reddoons coughed, but Ashswag was slightly pissed off at him for that one, so he didn’t correct it.

“I know everyone is being… themselves.” A few smiles crossed people’s faces with that. “But that’s what makes it ours in the first place.”

Squiddo continued to stare at him as the thoughts in her mind began to settle. Ashswag stepped closer to her.

“I can see why you may be thinking that I don’t care because I’m not panicking.” His words were gentle and without accusation. “You may also be thinking I’m not worried because I’m calm, right?”

Squiddo didn’t answer him, because he hit the nail on the head with what they were currently experiencing.

Ashswag shook his head. “I’m calm because I know everyone here came because they care about us and genuinely want it to go well.” He gestured around the room with each person he mentioned. “Pangi built an entire church.”

Pangi nodded proudly. “With defensive capabilities, so no one outside can ruin it.”

“Reddoons is…” Ashswag glanced at the betting board. “Doing something.”

“Enterprenuership.” Reddoons offered.

“...Right. Hannah has spent days making this look beautiful with her flowers and decorations…”

Hannah looked down at the floor.

“Zam’s been solving issues no one asked her to solve…” Zam straightened, and a small smile slowly spread across his face.

“And Jumper’s gotten everyone a little less stressed by talking about their feelings.”

Parrot from across the room immediately looked uncomfortable. “That happened once.”

Zam rolled his eyes. “It happened to you for forty minutes. You cried.”

Parrot crossed his arms. “I was just… hydrated.”

A small laugh echoed through the room, and the tension in Squiddo’s shoulders relaxed just slightly.

Ashswag squeezed Squiddo’s hands once. “I see your efforts and all that you have done for the both of us. We’re all trying our best, Squiddo. We want to make this wedding happen for you, because you deserve it more than anyone else we know. I’m so honored that I get to be yours everlasting, just like you said. Even if this wedding doesn’t go the way we planned it, I still love you.”

Ashswag took a breath, and Squiddo could see his own eyes shimmering as he fought back his own tears.

“I’d marry you without all of this, the ceremony, the church, and the rings made out of gold. But you want this, and I promised you when I proposed I’d do my best to make all your dreams and wants come true. So we all are here, trying. Your efforts, honey, don’t go unnoticed. Not for this ceremony, not for all you do for others. We are trying to repay you.”

Squiddo sniffled herself, and Ash removed one of his hands from hers to wipe her tears away.

“The wedding itself isn’t falling apart.” Ashswag said softly, smiling. “It’s just not going the way you planned, and that’s okay.”

Squiddo swallowed. “That’s a very nice way of saying it’s a disaster."

“It’s not a disaster.” Ashswag shook his head. “We have time to get it back on track.”

Squiddo breathed in and out once. That was one of the things she appreciated most about Ashswag. He never tried to pretend that things were perfect or fine. He just refused to believe that imperfect meant bad.

A long silence passed as Squiddo’s thoughts settled into less of a roar than before.

A second later, Reddoons cleared his throat. “So.”

Everyone turned to look at him.

“I may have an update about the rings.”

Squiddo closed their eyes. Of course he did. “Where are they?”

Reddoons hesitated.

“Red.”

“They’re safe.”

“Where?”

Red sighed. “Attached to a fishing rod. And that fishing rod may or may not be inside of the lava moat.”

The entire room stared at him in disbelief.

Pangi’s eyes widened, and his grin returned to his face. “That’s kind of impressive.”

Squiddo turned on him. “Why the fuck would that be impressive?”

Pangi shrugged. “Someone used the security system creatively.”

Squiddo pinched the bridge of her nose. “Why the everloving hell are you praising this?”

Reddoons raised a hand. “In my defense-”

“No.” Squiddo snapped, turning on him. “Absolutely not-”

Ashswag gently placed a hand on Squiddo’s shoulder. “One problem at a time.”

Squiddo looked at him, then took a breath before surveying the scene. She took in the church, the moat, the cake, and the new location of the rings. She took a deep breath and turned to the people waiting for her command.

“Okay.” She exhaled, then pointed at Reddoons. “First, we get the rings.” She turned to Pangi. “Second, take everyone you got to make sure the building doesn’t collapse.” Then they turned to Mapicc. “Third, no one is allowed to prepare for assassinations.”

Mapicc frowned and crossed his arms. “But what if-”

“No.” Squiddo and Ash both cut him off.

“…Fine.” His frown deepened, showing his dislike, but he didn’t protest any further.

Squiddo sighed. Their wedding wasn’t fixed; not by a long shot; but it somehow felt more manageable. She decided Ashswag was right; it didn’t have to be completely perfect, because it was already theirs, and that was special enough.

Unfortunately, a distant explosion echoed from outside. Everyone froze, and Eggchan slowly turned toward where the cake had mysteriously disappeared.

“I need to go check something.” He announced.

Squiddo’s expression fell. “That was the cake, wasn’t it?”

Nobody answered them, which Squiddo didn’t know if that was better, or worse. Everyone dispersed to do their own tasks.

Squiddo had stopped expecting miracles out of the group. That was probably why when one actually happened, they didn’t know how to react.

The time to start the ceremony had rolled around, and somehow everything was working.

They stood at the entrance of the church, just inside the doors, staring inside at the venue. The chandelier was still. The pews were in place. The flowers were standing and arranged beautifully. The cake, well, it was still slightly concerning, but it wasn’t making noise anymore, which made it a victory in Squiddo’s books.

Squiddo blinked, unsure if they were hallucinating from exhaustion. “Is this real?” She asked to no one in particular.

Hannah appeared at her side with her own clipboard, and she looked just as suspicious. “I don’t trust it.” She shook her head.

“Neither do I,” Squiddo told her, “But…” She trailed off, taking her surroundings in once more.

The church was beautiful. Genuinely beautiful. It wasn’t like before, where it was beautiful as long as you ignored the lava moat and hidden explosives. It was simply stunning now, even with the… less planned elements.

“I fixed the flowers and decorations.” Hannah nodded to the stunning arrangements. “I also removed three more things Pangi described as ‘necessary defensive features’.”

Squiddo paused. “Did you just say three? What were they?”

Hannah looked away. “You don’t want to know.”

Squiddo nodded. She would really rather not at this point. She looked toward the aisle, where the guests were now taking their seats. Zam was making sure everyone was in the correct place, while Jumper was floating through the crowd, checking in on everyone. Mapicc sat near the edge of the room, suspiciously scanning the crowd despite Squiddo’s earlier warning. Reddoons remained at his betting table, waiting for his job to start, but he was actually sitting, which was the strangest part.

Squiddo took in a breath. Maybe this could all work. Maybe the wedding would actually happen. Maybe they all had survived the chaos. Maybe-

A soft click echoed from somewhere beneath the floor. Squiddo froze instinctively, and so did everyone else. Slowly every head turned to look at Pangi.

Pangi raised his hands. “I didn’t do anything.”

Nobody looked convinced, but suddenly, the clicking stopped.

Pangi smiled. “See? …Nothing happened.”

Squiddo narrowed her eyes. “Why do you sound surprised?”

“I wasn’t! This was all according to plan.”

“You absolutely were surprised, Pangi.”

“I may have been pleasantly surprised.”

Squiddo closed her eyes. She needed to take things one problem at a time, just like Ashswag told her to. Besides, Ash was waiting for her. The guests were ready. The ceremony was about to begin. She could do this.

The music started, and it was perfect. It wasn’t too loud or too quiet, and it was exactly the song she planned for months ago.

Squiddo nearly laughed. Because after everything that had occurred; the lava moat, the missing rings, the collapsing rafters, the vibrating cake, and the emotional intervention; something now was finally working as planned.

Hannah covered her mouth, and Squiddo looked over at her.

“Hannah, are you crying?”

“No.” She shook her head, but Squiddo gave her a look. “I just…” She looked toward the decorations. “Everything is finally okay.” She looked back towards Squiddo. “And I am so, so happy for you.”

Squiddo smiled, and reached over to hug her friend. “Thank you, Hannah.” She whispered. “We wouldn’t be where we are right now without you.”

Hannah was right. Everything was finally okay. Even if it wasn’t what she imagined exactly. For once, everything was going to plan, and it was working seamlessly.

The guests stood up as the officiant directed everyone to look towards Squiddo, and the ceremony began.

Squiddo had made it three steps down the aisle before noticing the first issue. The cake was leaning, not dramatically, or enough for anyone else to notice, but Squiddo had noticed. Squiddo made eye contact with Eggchan, who noticed her expression.

He subtly shook his head. Don’t worry about it.

Squiddo looked away. Right. One problem at a time.

As Squiddo reached the front, Reddoons suddenly appeared next to them.

Squiddo nearly jumped out of their skin. “What are you doing?”

Reddoons ignored her. “Important information for you.”

“...What?”

Reddoons leaned closer. “Current odds. Cake survival increased. Structural collapse odds decreased. Mapicc causing a scene went up by twelve percent.”

“...Why do you know all of this?”

“I track the market.”

“You’re impossible, Red.”

“Thank you.”

“That wasn’t a compliment.”

Reddoons ignored that, and gave them a serious look. “Also. Good news. I know where the rings are.”

Squiddo’s heart jumped. “So you have them?”

Reddoons looked toward the entrance, then to the window, then to the outside moat.

Squiddo’s heart promptly sank. “...Red.”

“They’re close!”

“That isn’t an answer.”

“It’s a reassuring one, isn’t it?”

“It’s really not.”

Before Squiddo could question him any further, Zam stepped forward.

“Reddoons,” She reminded him, “You are supposed to be taking your position.”

Reddoons nodded. “Right. Wedding stuff.” Then, just as quickly as he showed up, he walked away.

The officiant began speaking, and Squiddo tried to focus, she really did. They tried to listen to the words at first, but that wasn’t enough, so she turned to look at Ash.

For a moment, just by looking at her soon-to-be spouse, all of her worries disappeared. The chaos, the panic, the disaster, it all washed away.

Ash was standing there, looking incredibly handsome and also had the calm she needed now. He was smiling, like this was exactly where they were both supposed to be.

Squiddo realized that “where she was supposed to be” just meant by Ash’s side, and not the venue or places they would visit. Where Ash went, she knew she wanted to be there, and it didn’t matter what surrounded them both. As long as he was there, she would be happy. And she couldn’t be happier now.

A dramatic voice echoed from somewhere above, cutting off her thoughts.

“Day one hundred and twenty seven.”

Squiddo looked up, but she couldn’t find Wemmbu up in the rafters. The more she looked around, she realized that she couldn’t find him anywhere.

“After surviving countless obstacles…” Wemmbu dramatically paused. “...the couple approaches the final stage.”

“Jesus.” Zam muttered. “Wemmbu?”

Wemmbu didn’t reply, and just continued on. “The ceremony begins. Will the venue survive? Will the cake endure?”

Squiddo closed their eyes. “Wemmbu?”

His narration stopped. “Yes?”

“Where are you?”

“...Somewhere.”

“That’s not helping.”

“It adds mystery.”

“Please stop narrating my wedding.”

“No promises.” The camera clicked somewhere in the distance.

The officiant sighed. “Alright. Please present the rings.”

Everyone settled back down again. For a tiny moment, everything was okay. Then, a loud splash and some hissing noises came from outside. Everyone turned toward the entrance, where Reddoons was casually strolling back into the church, holding an enchanted fishing rod.

Squiddo stared at him. “Reddoons? What the fuck?”

Reddoons smiled at her. “Good news. The rings are officially recovered.” He looked incredibly proud as he presented the rings to her, which were dangling off of the hook of the rod. “And, they actually were in the lava moat.”

Squiddo blinked, but took them, relaxing once they were in her possession. She gave one to Ash. “Why?”

“I needed leverage.” Reddoons shrugged.

“BUT WHY WERE THEY IN THE MOAT.” Squiddo burst out.

Reddoons paused, then looked away. “Someone was trying to lava fish.”

The entire room went silent, and slowly, with Squiddo leading the charge, everyone turned to look at Pangi.

Pangi looked at Squiddo with wide eyes, trying to appear innocent. “It wasn’t me!”

Squiddo just stared him down.

“...It was only partially me.”

Squiddo turned her gaze to stare at the ceiling. The ceremony hadn’t even reached the vows, but somehow she already knew it was going to get worse. Luckily, by this point, Squiddo had made peace with one thing; the fact that the wedding was never going to be normal. She had accepted the lava moat, the suspiciously shoddy redstone, and had even accepted that Reddoons considered gambling as a form of financial planning. She was learning to let things go, but she would not accept that they might not make it through the ceremony before something exploded.

Unfortunately, the universe seemed determined to make that last non-acceptance happen.

The officiant cleared their throat. “Now that everyone is settled-”

A loud click interrupted him. Everyone froze once more.

Squiddo slowly turned. “Pangi…”

Pangi looked genuinely confused, which concerned Squiddo even more. “I didn’t click anything.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am.” He paused. “I think.”

Squiddo shook her head. “You think?”

Pangi shrugged. “I press a lot of buttons.”

“Why on earth would you do that?”

“Well, sometimes they do useful things.”

“And?”

“...Sometimes they do less useful things.”

The officiant looked between them like he was watching a tennis match. “...Should we continue?”

Squiddo hesitated. Every instinct within her was telling her not to. Then, she looked over to Ashswag.

He was smiling. He was calm. Squiddo knew, even with almost everything going wrong, that she wanted to marry Ashswag.

Squiddo nodded. “Yes.”

The officiant smiled. “Wonderful.” He turned back to the crowd. “Marriage is-”

CLICK.

This time, the sound was deafening. A deep mechanical sound echoed through the church. Squiddo could hear the hiss of redstone switching on all at once.

Then, without warning, the loud screech of fireworks rocketed through the air and exploded above everyone’s heads. Everyone immediately jumped. Squiddo could only watch in abject horror as explosions of color burst throughout the church. For a second, they were gorgeous, and Squiddo could see why Pangi placed them in. Then, she remembered that they were inside.

“PANGI!” She yelled.

“WAIT!” He yelled back, disappearing in one of the side hallways. “THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN YET.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YET?”

The fireworks continued. One exploded directly above the altar. Another misfired and narrowly missed Parrot. A third landed directly into a flower arrangement.

Hannah gasped. “THE FLOWERS!” She pulled a water bucket out of her inventory and immediately doused them.

Squiddo looked around in disbelief as the system slowly powered down. “Why were there fireworks scheduled during the ceremony?”

Pangi walked out of the corridor, looking offended. “They weren’t scheduled during the ceremony.”

“THEN WHEN?”

“After the vows, duh.”

Squiddo could see his logic, but it didn’t change the fact that they were still inside.

Pangi picked up a firework. “It does have good timing though, right?”

Squiddo groaned, burying her head in her hands. “Pangi…”

“I’m sorry.” Pangi looked genuinely apologetic. “I think I mixed up the timers. I was using a bunch of different redstone circuits.”

“You have multiple circuits?” Ashswag asked, looking slightly impressed.

Pangi nodded.

“Why?” Squiddo asked.

Pangi shrugged. “We needed options.”

Squiddo had no proper response for that. The smoke inside the church began to clear, and everyone was alive, so, Squiddo figured, it was weirdly successful.

Hannah sat back down, cradling the rescued bouquet. “I hate that I’m relieved.” She muttered.

The officiant cleared his throat. “Moving on.”

Squiddo nodded. All she wanted now was just for Ashswag and her to say their vows.

The officiant continued on. “Does anyone-”

“Actually.” Parrot raised his hand.

Everyone turned to him, and Squiddo immediately knew what he was doing, with his whole marriage-is-weird bullshit.

“Parrot!” She snapped. “No!”

“I haven’t even said anything!”

“Exactly!”

Parrot looked around, as if he was testing his own theory. “Does anyone object?”

The entire room froze. Squiddo swore her soul briefly left her body.

Parrot shrugged. “It seems like a useful question.”

The room practically erupted in conversation.

“What do you mean, objection?” Pangi yelled, seemingly genuinely upset.

“Is there an objection?” Reddoons asked, already drawing on his betting board.

“WHO OBJECTS?!” Mapicc immediately stood, drawing his weapons. “WHERE?!”

Squiddo spun around to Mapicc. “MAPICC. NO.”

“Someone objected.” Wemmbu said dramatically.

“NO ONE OBJECTED.” Hannah snapped back.

“Parrot asked, didn’t he?” Wemmbu challenged her.

“I WAS BEING HYPOTHETICAL.” Parrot shot back.

“That’s how it starts.” Mapicc told Squiddo.

“What starts?” Squiddo sighed.

“Conflict.” Mapicc said factually.

“Mapicc, there is no conflict.”

Mapicc scanned the room. “That’s what they want you to think.”

Squiddo looked over to Ash, who was shaking his head. For the first time all day, he looked slightly less calm. He wasn’t panicked, exactly, but he just looked… Very tired.

Squiddo nearly laughed.

“Everyone sit down.” Zam’s voice cut through the room. It was the exact same tone Squiddo heard while negotiating treaties.

Slowly, everyone listened. Mapicc, though suspiciously glaring at everyone, lowered his sword. Parrot sat down. Reddoons stopped jotting down notes and sat down. Even Pangi sat down, crossing his arms in anger.

Squiddo looked over to Zam. “How did you do that?”

She shrugged, adjusting one of her dress straps. “Authority.”

“Can you use that more often?”

“It’s a last resort.”

The officiant took a deep breath. “Now. For the third time,” He looked to Squiddo. “Would you like to continue?”

Squiddo looked around. She looked at everyone. She looked at the chaos, the destruction, the smiling faces of their friends… Then they looked at Ash.

Ash smiled, a small reassuring one, and nodded his head.

Squiddo felt the tension drain out of her body. “Yes.”

The officiant continued. “We are gathered here today-”

A small noise interrupted him. A quiet one, but a concerning one nonetheless. It was humming, and it was getting louder.

Squiddo slowly turned. The cake was leaning way more than before.

Eggchan’s eyes widened as he lunged for the cake. “Oh no.” He said, clearly terrified. “Oh no, no, no.”

The top tier was shifting off center, leaning dangerously towards the edge.

“Egg?” Squiddo asked.

He put his hands against the cake. “It’s okay!” He called, though by his tone, he was not confident in that. “It just needs… A little support…” His face fell as the cake continued to slide. “I worked so hard on this.”

Squiddo’s expression softened, because she knew he really had tried. Everyone had, even when it was all a bit ridiculous.

Eggchan whispered, “I just wanted people to enjoy it.”

The cake gave one last dramatic vibration before detonating.

Everything stopped, just for a second. In the church, there was only smoke and silence.

The cake was completely gone. It wasn’t fallen, or collapsed, it had just seemed to evaporate. A cloud of frosting stuck to one of the stained glass windows. White icing covered the first few rows of seats. A single strawberry rolled across the floor and landed at Squiddo’s feet.

Wemmbu’s voice echoed from somewhere, smug. “A tragic end to a truly magnificent cake.”

Squiddo stared as her heart dropped to her stomach. The venue was damaged, half of Hannah’s flowers were destroyed, the cake was a memory at this point, the rings had been fished out of lava, but the entire ceremony barely survived. But it had survived all of the chaos. They just had to make it through it. Everyone was still there, waiting for them.

Tears stung at the edge of Squiddo’s eyes as she looked over to Ashswag.

Ashswag looked over to her, wiped a tear off of her face with his thumb, and while holding her jaw with one hand, reached out with his other and grabbed their hand. He wasn’t panicking or frustrated. His hand was warm, and he seemed determined.

“Can we keep going?” He asked her softly.

“After all of that?” Squiddo whispered. “Are you sure?”

Ashswag smiled. “Especially after all of that. I want to get married to you, Squiddo. Do you want to continue?”

For a few seconds, nobody moved. Smoke continued to float toward the ceiling. Bits of frosting slid down the walls. One lonely flower petal floated through the air and landed gently on the aisle. The church looked like it had survived a war, which, considering everything, wasn’t exactly inaccurate.

Squiddo stared at the remains of the cake. Then she turned to the ruined decorations. She looked at the guests. Then, they turned to Ashswag.

Somehow, just by looking at him, they didn’t feel angry. She didn’t even feel disappointed anymore. She just felt tired. A good kind, the kind that came after running for hours and finally realizing you were allowed to stop.

Ash’s hand was still holding theirs, like an anchor in the middle of a raging ocean.

Squiddo covered her face with her free hand. “I wanted this to be perfect.” Her voice broke.

Ash’s expression softened as he wiped away another tear. “I know, honey.”

“I spent so much time planning everything.” Squiddo whispered. “I thought if I could just make everything go perfectly, I thought it would make it special.”

Ashswag shook his head. “Squiddo, honey, do you know what made it special?”

“Please don’t say the lava moat.” She said softly.

Ashswag laughed. “No, it’s not that. Even though Pangi is very proud of it.”

“He shouldn’t be.” Squiddo muttered.

“I agree with you, darling.” Ashswag said, which got a small laugh out of Squiddo. He squeezed her hand. “The reason today matters isn’t because everything went right.” He nodded to their friends. “It’s because everyone who matters is here. They love us. That’s why they’re here.” He turned back to Squiddo. “And that’s a beautiful thing.”

Squiddo swallowed and nodded to him. Once again, he was right. She squeezed his hand once. “I want to keep going.” She whispered. “I want to be married to you more than anything else.”

Ashswag turned to the officiant. “Please continue.”

The officiant smiled. “Alright.” He cleared his throat. “Despite the circumstances, the unusually defensive architecture, and whatever happened with the fireworks…” he looked at all of the members of the ceremony. “We are all still here.”

The room grew quiet. For once, nobody, and nothing, interrupted.

Ashswag went first. He didn’t have a paper. Squiddo was sure it was because they both knew he never truly needed a script. He looked at Squiddo and took both of her hands in his.

“I don’t think I ever imagined a day like this.” He told her. “I think it’s safe to say we both didn’t. But not because I expected everything to be perfect. Nor did I want it to be.” His thumb began tracing shapes against Squiddo’s hands, the first sign he had been nervous all day. “I think I knew, with us, nothing was ever going to be normal.”

Pangi opened his mouth to say something, but Hannah slammed a hand over it.

“Don’t interrupt.” She hissed.

Ashswag didn’t look away from Squiddo. One of his hands removed from theirs and went up to cradle her face. “But I also knew,” he continued, “that even with disaster, you would be here. You worry about everything.”

Squiddo opened her mouth, then closed it. Even though a retort had sprung naturally to her lips, she knew it was true, so she didn’t argue.

“You plan.” Ashswag said, “You prepare. You try to make sure everything works and goes perfectly.” Ashswag smiled. “Sometimes, my love, you forget that you deserve to just be happy.”

Squiddo’s throat tightened, but they managed to choke out, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

Ashswag shook his head. “You don’t have to deserve someone. In fact, I don’t like that term. Love is not true if you have to earn it or if it’s conditional.” Ashswag paused. “Love is both fated, since people are fated to meet, but it is also a choice. You choose to keep loving someone, day after day, through challenge upon challenge, through disasters on top of disasters.” Ash took a breath. “So I choose you. Today. Tomorrow. And for every single day after.”

Squiddo looked down at her feet, because if she made eye contact for a few seconds more, she would start sobbing. And Jumper had gotten enough breakdowns out of everyone today, so she didn’t want to add to that tally.

When it was Squiddo’s turn, they laughed nervously. “Okay.” She exhaled. “I had a whole speech planned.”

Ashswag smiled. “I figured.”

“It was organized and everything.” She laughed. “Obviously, none of that is happening.”

Squiddo looked around again. She looked at the smoke, the destroyed cake, and the friends who all had managed to turn their wedding into the strangest day of their lives.

She then turned to Ashswag, her rock, her anchor, and the reason why her hands were steady right now. She put her free hand over his hand on her face.

“But maybe that’s fitting.” Her voice softened. “Because today wasn’t what I planned.” She sniffled a bit. “But I think, in the end, it was exactly what I needed. You are exactly what I needed. If I was marrying anyone else, I would have stopped the wedding. I would have given up.” Her voice cracked. “But you, you helped me keep going. You help me keep going and reach my full potential every single day. There is no one I love more, and there is no one else I would want to get married to. Ashswag, you are the light at the end of the tunnel. You are why I kept going today. I love you, so much.” Squiddo took a breath. “As you know, I spent so much time trying to make sure everything was perfect.” She looked around. “Which was probably a mistake, considering who we invited.”

Everyone laughed quietly. Reddoons nudged Pangi and showed him the betting board. Jumper put a hand on Hannah’s shoulder, who was quietly sobbing. Zam and Mapicc were quietly dragging Wemmbu down the aisle to sit in an actual seat.

Squiddo smiled, and looked back at Ashswag. “But, in the end, the truth is… I don’t care that the cake exploded.”

Eggchan looked devastated.

“Sorry, Egg.” Squiddo very quickly added. “I don’t care that the venue is going to need repairs.” She turned back to Ashswag. “I don’t care that nothing went according to plan.” She squeezed his hands. “I don’t care because I got to spend today with you, honey.” Their voice shook slightly. “And that’s the part I wanted, in the end.” She smiled, her first true smile all day. “I choose you, too. Even if our wedding almost killed us. Especially then.”

The officiant looked between them, his smile growing wider. “By the power granted to me by the leaders of Unstable Universe, and by whatever force kept this building standing…”

Everyone looked to Pangi, who simply shrugged with a wide grin on his face.

“…I pronounce you married.”

The room exploded into cheers and applause. Even Mapicc clapped, even though he was still watching the exits.

“THE ODDS WERE WRONG!” Reddoons was cheering the loudest. “What?” He asked. “Don’t get mad at me for the market odds.” Several people glared at him, and he cleared his throat. “I mean, congratulations.”

Nobody believed him.

As Squiddo and Ash walked back down the aisle, stepping carefully around frosting and debris, Squiddo finally understood what Ash had been telling her all day.

The wedding hadn’t failed. It had just become something louder and messier and filled with so much love that it was completely impossible to forget.

Behind them, Wemmbu followed, his voice echoing dramatically. “And so, against all odds, the wedding survived.”

Squiddo looked upward, closing her eyes, allowing Ash to lead her down the aisle. “Wemmbu.”

“Yes?”

“Please stop narrating.”

Wemmbu grinned. “Never.”

Squiddo laughed, and for the first time all day, they stopped worrying about what would go wrong next.

The first thing Squiddo learned about her reception; that she was less concerned about naturally; was that none of the guests had the slightest idea what a normal reception looked like. The second thing Squiddo learned was that somehow, she didn’t care as much anymore. Sure, the venue was damaged, and the cake was destroyed, and there was still smoke drifting through the ceiling, but everyone was happy.

The group had spent a bit of time preparing for the reception. The tables had been rearranged into a functional dining area. The surviving flowers had been moved into new arrangements, and under the direction of Hannah, looked absolutely stunning. Music was hooked up to the sound system with a constant rotation of custom music discs.

Somehow, even after the mistakes and disasters, everyone was celebrating. Including Squiddo.

She stood near the edge of the room, watching her friends laugh. Hannah was finally sitting down instead of running around fixing things. Zam had put away her clipboard. Jumper was chatting with the guests, charming the room as usual. Even Mapicc was relaxing.

Well, he was relaxing by Mapicc standards. Which meant he was only checking the exits every thirty seconds instead of every ten.

Squiddo smiled. She was finally feeling okay today, and all she wanted to do is sit back and relax-

“Everyone.” Reddoons stood on top of a chair.

Squiddo immediately became concerned. Whenever Reddoons announced something publicly, it was either impressive or a crime. Usually, it was both, and Squiddo really hoped it wasn’t both.

She ran up to him. “Red! What are you doing?” She hissed.

Reddoons grinned down at her as Ashswag tugged her away in case he fell. “I have an announcement!” Reddoon’s announcement.

“Oh no.” Squiddo muttered.

Ashswag squeezed her shoulders as a sign of support, and she leaned into him, relaxing.

“I would like to congratulate everyone on surviving the ceremony.”

A few people cheered.

Reddoons raised a glass. “Especially Squiddo and Ash, who managed to get married despite impossible odds. Now, as we all know, we each brought our own gifts for the happy couple. Pangi, Parrot, Mapicc, and Jumper, if you’d please.”

The four all walked over, carrying a double chest each, laying them at Squiddo and Ashswag’s feet with huge smiles.

Squiddo stared at them. “Red, why are there chests?”

“Good question!” He grinned, and hopped off the chair.

Everyone slowly gathered around the three as Reddoons opened the first chest. It was filled to the brim with emerald blocks. Then he opened the second, which had diamond blocks. The third was filled with enchanted books. The fourth was filled with various rare items, like discs, mob heads, name tags, and armor. Squiddo even reached down to pull out the enchanted fishing rod the rings were attached to.

Everyone was completely silent, until Hannah broke it.

“How much is that?”

Reddoons looked extremely proud. “An absurd amount.”

Zam stepped forward and shone an emerald into the light. “This is all real,” She muttered, turning to Reddoons. “How? You’re not that rich.”

“First off, ouch.” Reddoons scoffed. “And what else? Wedding betting.”

The entire room went silent again, but Ashswag’s laughter broke it.

“You made all of this, from betting on our wedding?”

“Yep.” Reddoons nodded. “On disasters, on whether things would go wrong, casualties, etcetera.”

Squiddo couldn’t tear her eyes off of the riches. “And you’re just… Giving it to us? Why?”

Reddoons expression softened, but he remained flippant as ever. “Think of it as funding your honeymoon.” For once, Reddoons wasn’t kidding. “I figured money was more useful than just another item.” He smiled, a tiny one that was almost shy. “And honestly, I knew you two would survive.”

Squiddo looked at the ridiculous pile of wealth, then to Reddoons. She threw herself at him, hugging him tightly.

Reddoons squirmed. “Squiddo- ribs- ow-”

Squiddo just hugged him tighter. “You are unbelievable. Thank you, Red.”

“Thank you.” Reddoons sighed, hugging her back.

“That wasn’t a compliment.”

“I know. Now get off, before you crush my ribcage.”

Squiddo laughed again, breaking away from him.

Unfortunately, peace lasted about four minutes, because Jumper had found her.

“Squiddo.” Jumper said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Her tone immediately made Squiddo suspicious. “What’s up?”

“I think we need to talk.” Jumper said gently.

“No.” Squiddo immediately said.

Jumper smiled. “Yes.”

“No, Jumper.”

“Five minutes?” Jumper pleaded.

Squiddo sighed. “Okay, five minutes.”

She followed Jumper into her side room again. When Squiddo saw Ashswag, Zam and Hannah sitting already, she internally groaned. She should have known that Jumper did not gather people for just conversation. She gathered them for what was essentially group therapy.

Squiddo sat down next to Ash, who immediately entwined his hand with hers. “Why are we all here?” Squiddo asked, squeezing Ash’s hand once.

Jumper smiled. “Because all of you were carrying something today.”

“No.” Squiddo shook her head. “I love you, Jumper, but I know what you’re doing.”

Jumper folded her hands in her lap. “What am I doing?”

“Therapy.”

Jumper smiled. “I’m not a therapist.”

“That’s what you say every time, but it always turns into a session.”

“Is that such a bad thing, Squiddo?”

Squiddo opened her mouth to reply, but found no valid argument, so she closed it. Ashswag laughed quietly next to her. Hannah smiled.

Zam sighed. “She’s not wrong, really.”

Squiddo looked at him. “You too?”

He shrugged. “I’ve accepted my fate.”

Jumper looked at them all. “So, why did today matter so much?”

Everyone fell into silence as they thought over their own answers.

Squiddo looked down. “I wanted everything to be perfect.” She looked at Ash’s hand, still holding hers. “I think I thought if everything went right, then it would prove…” Squiddo shrugged. “That it mattered, I guess? That I mattered? That I was worthy of Ash’s love in the first place?”

The room softened a bit.

Hannah nodded. “I wanted everything to be perfect, too.” She confessed. “I kept fixing everything because I thought if the decorations were beautiful enough, it would show how much I cared about you guys.”

Zam sighed, taking off her heels. “I kept organizing because I thought if I could solve every problem, then you guys wouldn’t have to worry and just enjoy the ceremony.”

Ashswag looked at Squiddo. “I stayed calm and kind of shut all of my worries out. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to carry everything alone.”

Squiddo swallowed. She hadn’t realized that she had been crying. What she did realize though, was that everyone had been trying, in their own ways. Pangi built a fortress to protect the wedding. Reddoons profited for them. Mapicc defended against enemies, even if they were imaginary. Wemmbu documented every second. Eggchan built a very impressive cake. Hannah decorated. Zam organized. Jumper listened to everyone. And, most importantly to Squiddo, Ashswag had stayed by her side through all of the trouble.

The wedding may have been chaotic. But no one could argue that the wedding wasn’t filled with love and care. Maybe a very strange, non-traditional version of love, but Squiddo was never one for tradition, anyway.

A loud crack from outside interrupted the moment. Squiddo and the gang rushed outside of the side room, looking upwards. A rafter was splitting in half, seconds away from crashing into the floor.

Pangi’s voice echoed across the room. “It’s okay!” He called. “The collapse is intentional!”

Nobody felt okay at that moment. Squiddo just stared at him.

“What the fuck do you mean, its intentional?”

Pangi appeared from behind a pillar. “The structural instability is all part of my masterful creative plan! You see, the venue has reached its emotional conclusion.”

Squiddo blinked. “Do you mean it’s falling apart?”

“No!” Pangi protested, then paused. “Well, yes.”

Another crack sounded through the church, and a piece of the ceiling narrowly missed Jumper.

“Okay!” Squiddo clapped her hands. “Everybody out!”

For once, everyone listened to her.

Naturally, the evacuation was chaos. Mapicc was the first one outside, ushering people out.

“Everyone accounted for?” He called to Squiddo, who nodded. He immediately began patrolling the area outside, looking behind trees.

“Mapicc,” Squiddo sighed. “There are no assassins.”

Mapicc looked offended. “You don’t know that!”

“You don’t need to check behind the trees!” Squiddo called, walking over to where Wemmbu was standing.

Mapicc saluted her. “I’m doing my job as security!”

Squiddo laughed, and returned his salute. They strolled over to Wemmbu, who stood outside, camera pointing at the church. They both watched as the church lost a section of roof. That piece of roof landed on the leftover fireworks, which somehow set them all ablaze, bursting into bright colors.

“The wedding venue.” Wemmbu said dramatically. “Once a symbol of hope…”

Pangi wandered over and joined the two.

“...now, a symbol of questionable engineering.”

Pangi looked offended. “It’s still beautiful!”

“It is missing a wall.” Wemmbu said dramatically, zooming in as the left wall collapsed.

“Open concept!” Pangi argued.

Their voices trailed away as Squiddo left to find her spouse.

Eventually, everyone left. The hill became quiet. The sunset’s orange colors painted the still blazing church in a warm orange light. The lava moat still bubbled, appearing almost golden. The recovered remains of the cake sat by the steps, nothing more than a few dollops of buttercream and the still impressive edible flowers.

Squiddo stood beside Ashswag, hand in hand, looking at everything. For a long moment, they said nothing. Then, the pair laughed. Not a nervous one or even a stressed one, but a real one. The kind of laughter that came so naturally to them both hadn’t happened all day, but finally, they could laugh.

Squiddo wiped her eyes. “I think I was too busy panicking to laugh.”

Ashswag reached over and wiped a tear off of her face. “Understandable, honey. I know this was supposed to work a bit differently.” He smiled at her. “Was it the wedding you dreamed of, though?”

Squiddo looked at the destroyed church, the lava moat, and the cake remnants. She took in all of the memories of that day and vowed to hold onto them, even if they made her stressed at the time.

She smiled back to her spouse. “If we’re being objective? No.”

Ashswag laughed, putting a hand in her hair and touching his forehead against hers.

“But,” Squiddo said softly, “I’d do it again. As long as it was with you every time.”

Even with all of the stress, Squiddo meant it, with every fiber of her being. She was devoted to him, always, and they knew that he was devoted to her, too.

She would marry Ashswag over and over again, even if the ceremonies became more and more disastrous.
She would do it because she loved him, and truly, nothing else mattered than that.