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There is so much more Lucy wants to say to Tim. There’s so many thing she wants to say and get straight with him. She shouldn’t have left it that way, but yet she finds herself on the other side of the door. The door shuts before she can stop it and that’s it.
She closes her eyes, and then raises her fist to knock. It moves and she’s knocking before she can stop herself.
She could run.
She could walk away and not look back but that would make it worse. The door opens and Tim stands there. He has pants on now but no shirt still. She licks her lips remembering the exact moment last night when she realized she couldn’t stop herself. She couldn’t resist him no matter what.
He was Tim, and as infuriating as he was she loves him still. She loves him more than anything in this world and Valentine’s Day ex sex would never change that.
(If only she had the nerve to say it).
“Hey,” Tim says looking her up and down. She realizes that she was about to do the walk of shame. “Did you forget something?”
(And who knew if Celina had cleared the room yet.)
Yes, I forgot to tell you I love you. I want you but I’m still mad at you.
“I—” Lucy stops. Tim raises his eyebrows at her. “Uh—”
“Do you want to come back in?” He asks.
“Yes.” Lucy replies relieved that Tim is taking the lead. “Is that offer for coffee still good?” Tim nods and there’s a soft smile on his face. Lucy steps inside.
This was it.
All or nothing.
***
Lucy settles into the bed with the cup of coffee in her hands. Tim sits next to her, he’s holding a cup too but staring into it.
“So..” she says. Tim looks over at her, and then takes a deep breath. There’s so much heaviness in the air, she’s surprised something hasn’t imploded.
“So…” he says. “Last night was—” Amazing. Fantastic. She would never go to anyone else.
“It was.” She agrees. “It always is with us.” Tim nods and sips his coffee, and she does the same.
“I agree.” He says. “You know I told Genny I would be home and in bed by 11.”
“Well you were in bed.” She says.
“Not at home.” Tim replies. “Or asleep.” Lucy hums softly, she’s surprised she’s not more tired. They didn’t actually fall asleep for a long time. Being with Tim again after so long was like a breath of fresh air. It was like the first time all over again.
“No definitely not that.” Lucy replies. She looks down at her coffee too.
“What made you change your mind?” Tim asks. She looks over at him. “You seemed like you didn’t want to.”
“The door shut.” She says. “And if I—I knew we might never talk about this.”
“Us?”
“There is no us Tim.” She says. His face falls a little, she’s surprised she’s hates hurting him but he hurt her. If he hadn’t walked away they would be at home, curled up in her bed or his. There wouldn’t be that heaviness in the air.
“What I meant—”
“I know what you meant.” She snaps and then takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry but I’m still mad.”
“I deserve that.” Tim says. “I know I messed everything up. And I probably did even more last night but I can’t—”
“I kissed you Tim.” Lucy says. “We both made that decision. But only you made the decision to walk away.”
“I know.” He says. “I’m sorry. I regret it everyday.” Lucy believes him, whether she would have when this first happened… she’s not sure.
But she does now.
Well—” She puts the cup aside and moves closer to him. “You said you would spend the rest of your life making it up to me.”
“In small doses.” He mutters. He puts his cup aside as well and scoots closer to her too. “I’m not sure this counts as a small dose.”
“Semantics.” She mutters and once again she kisses him and he rolls over so he’s hovering above her.
“I thought you wanted to talk.” He says but then he’s kissing her again before she can reply.
(And really she didn’t really have anymore words right now. She just wants Tim. Here and now.)
***
Lucy rolls over to see Tim looking at her, his eyes look tired but he’s smiling. “Well we really didn’t talk.” He says.
“We will.” She replies and presses a soft kiss to his lips. “I really do have to go now.” He nods and lets her go. She gathers her clothes (again) and walks to the door.
“Hey Lucy.” Tim’s voice sounds behind and she turns to face him.
“Yes?”
“It wasn’t just Valentine’s Day ex sex for me.” He says. “It’s—”
“I know.” Lucy says and it’s not perfect. They would get there. It would be okay. She opens the door and this time when she closes the door. She knows what’s on the other side, and it’s really, really good.