Archive of Our Own

"That Polaroid camera was the best thing you've ever bought" Jaehyun's voice fills the small kitchen in Sungho's apartment, cutting through the sound of the water hitting the bottom of the metal sink.

Sungho finishes rinsing the last plate, he lifts his hand to place it in the drying rack; it crackles softly against the other dishes. He cranes his neck to find out where Jaehyun's voice is coming from.

Jaehyun stands in front of the fridge, barefooted over the tiled floor; a soft smile pulls at the corners of his lips as his eyes scan the assortment of photos and magnets messily pinned to the door.

"It was the most expensive one, that's for sure…" Sungho remarks as he reaches for the towel to dry his hands, wincing at the thought of just how many months he had to save up to buy the device.

"Look at this! It's so cool!" Jaehyun gestures towards the fridge with both hands, eyes wide and excited.

Sungho moves closer, stoping by Jaehyun's side, arms crossed over his chest as he gazes in the same direction as the other man. It's funny because Sungho rarely looks at these pictures. Most days they just catch on his peripheral view when he is rushing in an out of the kitchen or getting something from the fridge.

His eyes jump from picture to picture, each one contains fractions of their countless memories together, captured and frozen in time. Soon he can't help the smile that starts pulling his own lips up.

"Do you remember that day?" Jaehyun points at one particular picture.

It's night time in the photo and the three figures framed in it are all washed out under the camera's flash. Jaehyun has his arms around the backs of Sanghyuk's and Sungho's necks. A fluffy navy blanket is draped over his head like a veil and his hands are holding onto the corners of the fabric, basically covering the two other men under it as well. Sungho took it selfie style and his arm takes one quarter of the picture. Having no viewfinder in this cameras makes for some pretty off-center photos, but it has a certain charm to it.

"It was so cold that day…" Sungho murmurs while his eyes trace the shape of them in the photo.

"Cold?? Are you kidding me!?" Jaehyun snaps his head towards Sungho, finger still pointing at the picture. "It was fucking freezing that day!".

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It was one of those days near the end of October when a sweater is enough to keep you at a pleasant temperature through the day, but as soon as the night paints the sky black, everybody's shoulders seem to be stuck in a permanently raised position as they try to shield their ears from the wind.

They were in the living room of Sanghyuk's childhood home, watching one of the Halloween themed movies that Jaehyun makes them watch at least once around this time of the year. They gathered here quite often, so Sungho was right at home. The three of them sat comfortably in the couch side by side, a blanket draped over their legs, the heels of their feet rested over the low coffee table.

"Sanghyuk! I'm coooold!" Jaehyun whined as he pulled his legs towards himself, snuggling on the side of Sanghyuk's body to chase the heat of him. Sanghyuk giggled and wrapped an arm around Jaehyun's shoulder, pulling him closer to keep him warm. Sungho's eyes left the TV for a second, glancing at the scene happening right by his side.

An urge to throw himself over both of them flared in his chest. They have been friends for a while now, so it wouldn't be weird at all. But seeing Jaehyun clinging to Sanghyuk like that; hands tucked under his cheek while he watched the movie; Sanghyuk rubbing circles with his thumb on the high point of Jaehyun's shoulder; it looked intimate. Sungho pulled his lips in a thin line and stared back at the TV.

"Wanna roast some marshmallows?" Sanghyuk asked. His fingers threaded through the locks of Jaehyun's black hair, but his eyes were glued on Sungho.

"Yes!" Jaehyun perked up before Sungho could answer. He lifted from the couch in a jump and — since he was in the middle — pulled the blanket away from all three sets of legs. The cold air of the room instantly wrapped around Sungho's body, a stark contrast to the comfortable warmth he had before.

The next second Jaehyun moved towards the kitchen, blanket draped over his shoulders like he owned it. Sanghyuk followed right after, pointing out the cupboard where the sweet treat was hidden. Sungho turned off the TV, jumped to his feet and followed as well.

The air outside was crisp and humid, slicing Sungho's cheeks and ruffling his hair. Sanghyuk busied himself lighting up the fire pit they had in the yard with the practiced ease of someone who had done this a thousand times. Sungho wanted to help, but it looked like he would just get in the way. He stood near a wall, trying to escape from the wind. Jaehyun resembled a fluffy lump, crouched by his side; that same blanket draped over his head and pulled taut around his face; only his eyes and nose were visible. He looked like a little bundle of fabric. Cute.

As soon as the fire was on, Jaehyun lifted from the floor and moved towards it, quite like an actual moth drawn to a flame. Sungho did the same, pushing his body of the wall and taking the couple of steps that separated him from the heat source. They gathered around the fire, hands reaching forward as if they could grab the heat like a physical thing.

Sungho watched Jaehyun wiggling his fingers like that motion would somehow warm them up faster. His eyes followed up the length of Jaehyun's arms finally landing on his face. It was all red from the cold air, his cheeks, his ears and the very tip of his nose. He looked impossibly cute. The flickering light of the fire painted his profile in shades os yellow and orange.

Sanghyuk handed them their respective marshmallows, a bamboo skewer already piercing through it's white and fluffy shape. Sanghyuk kept talking like the cold wasn't bothering him in the slightest. Every time he spoke, his breath created a faint cloud that quickly curled around his face and faded. Sungho breathed out a hot puff of air, testing if his breath did the same; it did. His nose started going numb while he watched the marshmallow take color.

Sanghyuk ran back inside to fetch more blankets for himself and Sungho. Sitting outside motionless proved to be a real challenge without the aid of more fabric. Sungho's eyes were trained on his marshmallow. He likes it in a very particular state of nearly burnt, but not quite. It's a small window, so he can't afford to glance around when it's nearing it's prime roasting peak.

But his eyes were yanked away from the sweet treat when Jaehyun leaned his weight on the side of Sungho's body.

Sungho startled and looked down at the top of Jaehyun's blanket-covered head as it rested on his shoulder. He didn't move nor said anything, just pressed his body against Sungho.

Jaehyun is the touchy type. He is constantly hugging, kissing and petting his friends and family members, but it's always in a playful manner. Just a quick peck on the cheek followed by a laugh at their reactions, a short hug that says 'I'm here', a warm hand ruffling hair for no longer than three seconds.

He never lingers around long enough for the heat of him to transfer to Sungho's skin; this was new. Sungho's cheeks were a little flushed, from the cold and something else entirely. When he looked back at his marshmallow, it was burnt.

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Sungho swears the cold wind of that day is actually kissing his cheeks as the memories dance and replay behind his eyes. He shivers.

"And that day! Do you remember what Donghyun did that day?" Jaehyun inquires, pointing at another picture. The giggly tone in his voice breaks into a full laugh when he finishes his sentence.

The photo has Donghyun right in the middle of it, smiling so wide it reaches his eyes, turning them into crescent moons. His wavy hair is wet and dripping onto his bare chest and shoulders. He holds a red-banded snake by the head and way too close to the camera. A river glimmers behind him.

Sungho snickers and shakes his head, but he giggles when he adds "NASA should take him back to his planet…".

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Dongmin pulled the breaks, parking his father's pickup near the river a couple of miles away from the town. Jaehyun and Donghyun didn't even wait for the dust to settle around the car, opening the doors and jumping out immediately, ready and eager to enjoy their free day.

Dongmin parked with the back of the car towards the river. Sungho sat on the tailgate admiring as the sunlight made the ripples on top of the water glitter. The warm plastic burnt the underside of his thighs where his shorts didn't cover them. Dongmin approached him, reaching to deliver a cold bottle of beer and Sungho accepted it quickly, muttering a 'thank you' before bringing the beverage to his lips.

They've been to this exact part of this exact river about a handful of times and they were lucky to get perfect weather every single time.

It was a little before noon and the sun was high in the sky. The wind rattled the leaves gently, the water swooshed over the rocks as it made it's way down it's designated course. A soothing symphony that could get anyone sleeping easily. It was peaceful.

Donghyun assembled his portable barbecue grill in the shade of a big tree. Since he is their designated 'fire guy', he is the one always in charge of starting fires, grills and ovens alike. He looked really goofy trying to keep his straw hat from being swept by the wind while he torched the coals aflame; it made Sungho giggle.

Sungho is generally the one cooking. He is no chef, but he can manage some simple dishes and he doesn't mind doing it. Besides that, the others always thank him and shower him with compliments when he nails the seasoning just right. He likes to be useful.

This time around Jaehyun insisted in doing it. Allegedly, he is a 'hands on' type of learner, so he won't ever learn if Sungho keeps taking the lead.

He stood near a plastic table, cutting the meat in thick strips over the wooden board. He had this focused look on his face; a pout on his lips; brows drawn together as he measured the strips with his eyes and sliced through them with careful, uncertain hands.

Sungho looked down at his own hands, at the band-aid wrapped tightly around his left hand's pointer finger; the sticky glue tugged on his skin every time he flexed his hand. Jaehyun said that he would take the lead with the cooking just a couple of hours after Sungho had cut his finger fighting the broccoli he prepared for lunch yesterday. Maybe he had noticed the bandage, but one thing probably had nothing to do with the other.

They stood far away from where Dongmin and Sungho sat, enough for the wind to muffle the sound of their voices completely, only Jaehyun's loud laugh reached them here and there; a lovely sound that instantly made anyone around him smile, not just Sungho.

"Ah… We needed this" Dongmin stretched his arms over his head. His beer sat half empty by his side, sweating nearly as much as them.

"Right?" Sungho agreed before taking a swing of his own beer. He stared back at them just when Donghyun mouthed something that made Jaehyun laugh. His heart ached a little under his ribs and the words escaped his lips like a though that wasn't meant to be voiced "They look so happy".

Dongmin turned to look at him, his hands gripped the edge of the tailgate on either sides of his thighs. He tilted his head to the side a little, "Aren't you?"

"Of course I am!" Sungho answered quickly. "It's just… They look so cute. You can tell just by looking that they really love to be outside like this".

"They're not cute, hyung" Dongmin shook his head. He paused for a second and cocked his head in Donghyun's direction "Especially that one".

Sungho lifted a quizzical eyebrow that prompted Dongmin to keep talking.

"How can a man be cute?" Dongmin gestured towards the two like he really needed Sungho to look carefully at them and take back what he said.

"I'm a man. Don't you think I'm cute?" Sungho asked, pouting and making a V with his pointer and middle finger up in the air; he winked for added effect. Dongmin rolled his eyes before bringing his beer to settle against his lips. Sungho giggled, he was unable to restrain his urge to poke Dongmin in the cheek, "You are cute too, Dongminnie".

Dongmin is just a year younger than Sungho and Jaehyun, but he behaves like a kid. He likes to pull pranks on the others, smiling wide and giggling when they fall for them. He gets very competitive when they play any sort of game, always raising from his seat and trying to defend himself when the others catch him cheating. He pouts when he is concentrating. He is definitely cute.

Sungho's gaze drifted back to the two men standing side by side near the grill, busy cooking up their lunch. They moved around each other easily. Jaehyun was already accustomed with the rhythm that the grill demanded; he moved the cooked meat to a paper plate and placed the raw strips over the flames with calculated motions.

Donghyun wrapped an arm around Jaehyun's waist to get a knife from the other side. The unannounced proximity startled Jaehyun. He tried to clear the way, but tripped on a rock and nearly fell in Donghyun's arms. They giggled brightly at their unplanned slapstick. Sungho, who stared awkwardly at their interaction, quickly averted his gaze to take the last swing of his now less then cold beer. It tasted bitter.

They finished cooking up the meat and the four of them settled around that same plastic table to have lunch. They pulled another round of beers from the freezer, talking and bickering like they always did. It was easy, natural.

"Ah… I wanna go swimming…" Jaehyun gazed at the rippling water, a sad pout displayed on his lips.

"Let's go, hyung!" Donghyun raised excitedly from his seat.

"We didn't bring more clothes" Jaehyun reasoned. That was true, if they jumped it the water now they would probably still be wet on their way back home. They didn't even bring towels.

"Wanna go skinny dipping?" A mischievous grin painted Donghyun's lips, the tone on his voice was playful but he showed he meant it by raising his hands to the back of his neck and hastily tugging his shirt over his head and off in one smooth motion. Jaehyun considered it for a second, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Dongmin kept saying that they were insane for doing this in wild body of water. Sungho also though they were insane, but he still watched Jaehyun rise to his feet and yank his shirt up and away from his body. His honey skin glistened with sweat in the sunlight; it was mesmerizing. A bead of sweat traveled down Sungho's neck.

"Don't look at Donghyunnie!!" Jaehyun demanded, giggling and racing towards the water.

"What are you saying? I won't look at either of you!!" Sungho responded mortified, shading his eyes with the palm of his hand.

The two laughed and removed each article of clothing as the reached the river bank. A flush painted Sungho's cheeks, but he keep looking under the shade of his palm until they were only in their underwear. He turned to look at Dongmin instead and was shocked to see his phone up in the air, filming the display of nudity in front of them. His smile was so wide Sungho could count every single one of his teeth. He would absolutely use that footage as blackmail.

When he shifted his gaze back towards the water they were already in, submerged up to their waist. The hot weather got to Sungho; his cheeks burned; he was even sweatier than before. He took another swing of his beer like it would somehow cool him down, quench his thirst; it did nothing. He kept the mouth of the bottle pressed against his lips as his eyes raked over the expanse of Jaehyun's golden skin; it sparkled with water droplets. Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair to push his wet bangs away from his face and Sungho fidgeted. He would be considered a weirdo if he stared at his naked friend for a full minute, so he looked for exactly 59 seconds; just to be safe.

Sungho played with a cold piece of meat over his plate when Dongmin muttered a cuss under his breath. He rose to his feet quickly and Sungho followed the motion with his eyes, still unaware of what startled Dongmin.

"DONGHYUN!!" Dongmin called, screamed. His eyes were wide and his posture stiff when he pointed towards the river, "SNAKE!!".

Sungho looked at the water — really looked — until he found it. It wasn't a huge snake, but intimidating none the less. It swam lazily on the surface of the river like it had other business to attend to.

Sungho rose to his feet as well, but he had no idea what to do. Jaehyun yelped and swam hastily away from to snake. Donghyun, on the other hand, moved towards it slowly, carefully.

"DONGHYUN, ARE YOU INSANE!!!" Dongmin moved towards the river in wide strides, screaming at the top of his lungs as he watched an imminent tragedy happen right before his eyes. Sungho's heart hammered erratically under his ribs; he placed a hand over it, attempting to keep it from escaping his chest. His feet were glued to the ground.

"It's a red-banded snake, Dongmin!" Donghyun yelled back like it meant something to them. He smiled as he moved towards the animal.

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT'S NAME!! Get away from-" Dongmin couldn't finish his sentence.

Donghyun carefully lifted his dominant hand in the air, studied the trajectory of the swimming animal and swiftly lunged his hand down, wrapping his fingers around it's head. He lifted the animal up in the air. It was about 50cm long and it squirmed furiously, trying to free itself from Donghyun's hold.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GOD DAMN MIND!!!" Dongmin screamed even though he was close enough to Donghyun.

Donghyun grinned and brought the snake closer to his face, inspecting it's dark scales while it wrapped it's body around his arm. Jaehyun moved closer to him, curious but cautious.

Sungho's feet were still glued to the floor. He felt useless.

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"And he just put that thing down like it was a puppy!" Jaehyun remembers incredulous.

The bitter taste of beer and regret coats the back of Sungho's throat.

"I'm sorry…" he mutters, unable to voice all his feelings out loud.

"Why are you apologizing??" Jaehyun turns to look him in the eyes, his tone a little louder than his speaking voice, like the apology genuinely startled him.

"I… I didn't help back then. I just kept- looking…" Sungho admits, his gaze dropping down to his feet. He pulls his shoulders inwards as the words leave his mouth.

"What could you have done? Got in the water??". A crease forms in between Jaehyun's brows.

"I don't know… I just- couldn't do anything…" Sungho's words falter, he makes a move to step back and away from the fridge; away from the feelings inside his own chest.

"Sungho, I was soooo relieved that you and Dongmin weren't in the water at the time" Jaehyun tells him. He places his hand over Sungho's shoulder, attempting to get his attention and reclaim the lost eye contact. The touch is firm and grounding. The palm of his hand sears Sungho's skin and makes the rest of his body somehow colder. He flashes that signature bright smile of his, "Don't apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for. Besides, Donghyun handled it like a champ!".

His eyes move back to the fridge as the weight of his touch drops from Sungho's shoulder.

It's crazy how much power those simple, reassuring sentences hold. The tension instantly slips from his shoulders like water rolling off the rocks by the river bank. Jaehyun's words, his inviting smile and his gentle actions easily melt away all uncertainty. But something is different. The imprint of where his hand was is slowly turning cold; a feeling that in any other day would go unnoticed, but today is a cause of displeasure.

Sungho watches Jaehyun's smiley profile illuminated by the kitchen light. His long dark lashes cast faint shadows over the smooth skin of his cheeks. His bangs fall perfectly, curving around his temple and disappearing behind his ear. The silver hops that hang from them catch the light when they swing.

Sungho moves to stand where he was before; by Jaehyun's side. His own eyes flying back to the fridge, scanning it up and down once again.

One of the photos has them in a dark karaoke room with colorful kaleidoscopic lights painting the walls. They are wearing funky glasses and nearly tripping over each other to fit into the frame.

Sungho, Sanghyuk and Donghyun sitting around a table looking like zombies as they eat re-heated pizza. Sungho remembers they pulled an all-nighter to finish watching a drama; the ending was not worth the effort.

A selfie where Sungho tries to showcase the braids Donghyun wove into his hair. They look horrible and uneven, but he covered most of it with cute hair clips.

One particular photo catches his attention. He is not even in the picture, but the memories from that day make a blush bloom over his cheeks.

"You saved my life that day…" Sungho affirms, pointing out the photo.

"Hm?" Jaehyun makes a sound in the back of his throat, moving a little to take a closer look at the photo Sungho is pointing out. "What are you talking about?".

Woonhak, Sanghyuk and Jaehyun are sitting on a pristine gray couch in Woonhak's new apartment, their figures illuminated by the neon green glow emanating from the TV; courtesy of the football game they are playing. Jaehyun is hugging a huge bag of chips, both his nostrils stuffed with tissue paper; Sanghyuk is holding the controller loosely with both hands, they are both smiling back at the camera. Woonhak has his eyes glued to the TV, ever the competitive.

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Sungho drove towards Woonhak's new apartment, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel to the rhythm of the music coming through the speakers. They organized a housewarming sort of party. Game night, lots of snacks, just the type of cozy and controlled fun Sungho enjoys. He was about 10 minutes away from the address and already imagining the taste of salty popcorn on his tongue.

He took one turn left and the car made a funny scratchy sound. Concerning, but not yet alarming. Then again, another turn left and that same sound came, a little louder this time. He lowered the music and turned the wheel slightly to the left one more time, trying to check exactly from where the sound came from.

With one last shriek, the steering wheel locked under his palms. He panicked; a sharp chill shot down his spine at the abrupt absence of control. He gripped harder against the leather, trying to move the wheel — turn it in any way he could — but it didn't budge. The car moved in a straight line, the wheels spun against the asphalt unaware of it's pilot's predicament. His body reacted before his mind could; his eyes flew to the rearview mirror to check his surroundings as he stepped on the breaks slowly, guiding the car to a safe part on the side of the street as best as he could.

When the car came to a total halt, he immediately cut the engine. The absence of sound plunged Sungho into a deafening silence. It took him all of three seconds to process what had happened, the leather of the wheel squeaked under the firm grip of his left hand while his right hand held onto the key still inside the key hole; his breath came in sharp pulls. His hands dragged over his face when he finally regained control over his body.

He had to come up with a plan, quickly. He stared out the window, at the pitch black night sky; at the unfamiliar neighborhood; at the twinkly lights of the buildings in the distance; at the cars passing by, mocking his stillness along the sidewalk. His mind was blank, still coming down from the shock. His car was unreliable, he was alone and stuck in an unfamiliar situation.

Even through that turmoil, Sungho remembered he had insurance. He moved, pulling the glove compartment open and searching for the paper the kind lady had given him back when he signed the contract. He vaguely remembered it having some important emergency numbers or something, so that would be a good starting point.

He called the tow company and explained the situation, they said they would send help; in two hours. Sungho thanked them politely and ended the call. A defeated sigh escaped his lips, shoulders slumping, eyes closing in frustration as he rested his forehead against the steering wheel. The air inside the cabin grew thick, the smell of his own colone offended his nose and the silence was so loud that his heart sounded like drums in his ears. He needed to get out of there.

He swung the door open and when the cold air of the night rushed inside the cabin he could finally breathe properly. He stepped out of the car, forcefully throwing the door closed behind him. He paced around the vehicle with his phone clutched firmly in his hand.

Sungho stopped in his track when Jaehyun's smiley, sunny face passed behind his eyes. That same Jaehyun that always had everything under control; the one that was always by Sungho's side when things were ugly and difficult; the one that always knew what to say and what to do.

Sungho's grip grew firmer around his phone. Jaehyun wasn't even going to the party that night. He had been as sick as a dog for about four days and insisted the others went and had a nice evening without him, not wanting to postpone the party any further because of his stupid cold (his words).

Sungho didn't even think about calling Woonhak and filling him in on the situation, or calling Sanghyuk and asking for a lift. His fingers instinctively tapped the glass screen, calling Jaehyun up like it was second nature.

His mind raced as the phone beeped steadily in his ear. Beep. Maybe Jaehyun was asleep; resting his aching, sick body. Beep. If he picked up the call, what would Sungho say? Beep. What could Jaehyun do in that situation? Beep. He should have called a cab, that would have been smarter. Beep. He should just hang up and try to-

"Hello?" Jaehyun's voice came through, muffled and groggy as if he was indeed asleep.

Sungho's heart ached and a wave of sweet relief washed over him. The sound of Jaehyun's warm voice as well as his familiar tone was like a comforting hug, a stark contrast that highlighted just how much his body had been tensely drawn thigh under the shock, stress and uncertainty of the whole situation since it all started. His breath came out in a stutter as he tried to hold back his tears and swallow the lump that was quickly forming on his throat.

He failed.

A quiet sob tore from his throat as a single tear slowly rolled down his cheek. The cold air of the night licked his exposed forearms and made him shiver.

"Sungho? What's wrong?" Jaehyun asked a little louder. His voice, scratchy from the constant coughing, competing with the rustling of fabric as he sat up or maybe adjusted in bed.

Sungho didn't know what to ask for, what to say. Even if he did, his voice was strained inside his chest; crushed by the sobs and cries that escaped his mouth without his permission as more and more tears trailed down his cheeks.

"Are you hurt? Talk to me!" Jaehyun demanded. He sounded worried, confused; rightfully so.

"The car…" Sungho managed, his voice sounding smaller than ever as the words turned into another sob.

"What's wrong with the car? Where are you?" Jaehyun kept going, his words faltering at the end of the sentence before turning into a cough fit.

"I'm- ok…" Sungho said. It wasn't the truth, but worrying Jaehyun like that filled him with guilt. His brain screamed at him to end the call and go bother someone else, but his body didn't respond. He wanted to stay, he wanted to keep receiving the comfort that Jaehyun's worried tone gave him. When he regained enough control of his breathing to form coherent thoughts and sentences he continued, "It stopped working. I'm in the middle of the street".

"What happened?" Jaehyun still sounded tense, like the sparse information Sungho gave him wasn't enough to appease his heart.

"The wheel…" Sungho spoke in between soft sobs, more tears came rushing down when he shook his head in denial, "It got stuck… I didn't do anything wrong!".

Sungho was a boiling cauldron of emotions. The guilt intertwined with the shame as they both swirled around the panic and fear, but at the bottom he found comfort, security, love.

"Ok, breathe" Jaehyun's tone was firm. He moved around on the other side of the line, his feet padded hurriedly against the wooden floor of his bedroom. "Are you safe?".

Sungho gazed around. A steady flow of cars passed by, tired people behind the wheels heading home after a long day; a few jogging on the sidewalk; some taking their dogs on a stroll. He was in a residential neighborhood, well lit. An unfamiliar place, but not dangerous. "Mhm" he responded, nodding like Jaehyun was by his side and not on the other side of the line.

"Ok, send me your location. I'm coming to get you" Jaehyun demanded. The unmistakable rattling of keys came from the other side of the line.

"What?" Sungho whispered, eyes widening as his mind scrambled to fully grasp what Jaehyun said. The guilt physically pressed against his lungs and made it impossible to breathe. He managed to push out one single word before more tears welled up his eyes, "No…".

"You stay there, I'll pick you up and take you home" Jaehyun said, his tone gentle but firm in a way that left no room for argument. He kept moving on his side of the line, an assortment of noises cutting through his words.

"You- That's- It's not why I- I called you…" his words trailed at the end. He didn't know why he called, but bothering Jaehyun like this — making him get out of bed while he was sick to rescue him in the middle of the night — made the guilt overpower all the other feelings. "You're sick, Jae…".

All noises on Jaehyun's side of the line stopped. Silence.

"And you are standing alone in the middle of the street in god knows where! Are we stating facts now?" Jaehyun retorted. He sounded annoyed, like he had one foot out the door and the only thing stopping him from moving was Sungho's persistence.

"You don't have to…".

"Sungho, you didn't ask me to go. I am going because I want to. Will you please send me your location?" he kept his tone firm and demanding.

"Ok…" Sungho bit down on his bottom lip and finally relented, his eyes closed when he fully let go of his pride.

"Good. Call the others and tell them what happened, they must be worried" Jaehyun ordered, clearing his throat after a single cough. His voice echoed inside the empty garage. He unlocked his car with a high-pitched beep, the door opened and closed with a muffled thud, casting them both into silence.

"I will… Thank you" Sungho whispered before sliding the phone away from his ear and ending the call. He looked towards his useless car and then back at his phone. His wet eyes and tear streaked cheeks caught the street lights and stared right back at him in the dark reflection on the screen. He let out the nth sigh of the night, sending Jaehyun his location before sitting down on the cold concrete curb.

Sungho was a portrayal of defeat. His body curled up on itself on the floor; his knees nearly touched his chest, raised by the height difference between the curb and the street. His arms were wrapped around both legs as he played with a loose string on his destroyed jeans. He kept his gaze down, chin resting against the high point of his left knee as he stared at the dark asphalt. The soft wind of the night ruffled his hair. He didn't even registered when Jaehyun stopped his car right in front of him.

Sungho lifted his head just in time to see Jaehyun roll down the window.

"Park Sungho?" he joked with a bright smile. He was the perfect depiction of the warm sun finally cutting through the dark, gloomy clouds after a rainy day.

"That would be me" Sungho joked back, a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He quickly raised to his feet, patting the dust away from his jeans.

"Need a lift?" Jaehyun kept the playful tone, the closed mouth smile never left his lips. Sungho swore they both looked equally relieved to see each other.

"You know I do…" Sungho's hand curled around the handle of the car's door. The light inside the cabin lit up when the door swung open and inside was his prince on a white SUV.

He looked just like Sungho imagined he would; the skin on the tip of his nose was red and irritated from constantly blowing it; his eyes were half-lidded from exhaustion; his hair was all messy and slightly greasy from tossing and turning in bed. The perfect savior wearing a black hoodie, his famous teddy bear pajama pants and the most inviting, comforting smile ever.

Sungho nearly cried again, he swallowed dry as his eyes welled up. This time he successfully held back. He took a deep breath and swung a leg inside the car before sitting in the passenger seat, pulling the door shut behind him in a smooth motion. The cabin's yellow light slowly faded off to darkness.

"Ah… I should have gotten here faster, I missed your beautiful crying face" Jaehyun joked, his noticeably raspy voice dripping with fake sorrow. Every time Sungho cried Jaehyun made sure to tell him just how beautiful he looked with his redded nose, sparkly eyes and wet lashes; the compliment always made Sungho blush.

Sungho threw his body over the center console to hide is face in the space were Jaehyun's neck met his shoulder, arms wrapping around his body and pulling him into an tight embrace. Jaehyun smelled like he always did; the scent of his laundry detergent, his coconut shampoo, his woody perfume, the musk of his own skin and sweat. He smelled familiar.

Jaehyun let out a startled yelp, but he didn't pull back. His own hands came to rest on Sungho's back, rubbing up and down in a soothing motion. His voice came muffled against Sungho's hair, soft, low and gentle, "You're gonna catch whatever I have".

Sungho chuckled, the gear shift dug uncomfortably in his hip.

"You're right" he said as he pulled back from the hug, "I just though a simple 'thank you' wasn't enough".

Sungho averted his gaze when his brain finally caught up with what he had just done and how close he was to the other boy. His cheeks and the tips of his ears were aflame, probably from sitting in the cold air of the night for so long.

"So…" Jaehyun cleared his throat, hands maneuvering the steering wheel as he pulled away from the sidewalk, "Where to?".

Sungho tugged the seat belt against his chest, locking it in place with a high-pitched click. "The guys said they would wait for us, so…".

"Us? You know I can't go, Sungho. You will all get sic-"

"I don't care" Sungho interjected, his voice firm and commanding, "I'm not staying without you and the others said they don't care".

Sungho was the stubborn one now and he wouldn't take no for an answer. Jaehyun chewed on the inside on his cheek, the blue glow of the console painted his features.

"Ok, but I'm not staying for too long" Jaehyun compromised.

"I need to be back here in about a hour and a half anyways" Sungho informed as the last ounce of the stress finally left his shoulders. His head fell back against the headrest but his eyes lingered on Jaehyun, studying the slope of his nose and the shape of his lips in the low light; that familiar, stubborn strand of hair in the back of his head that sometimes stood straight out brought a smile to Sungho's lips. He had to physically turn his head in order to tear his gaze away from him. They both stared straight ahead as a comfortable silence settled inside the cabin.

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"I shouldn't have gone. You got sick after that day" Jaehyun remembers, shaking his head. He sounds pained, he must blame himself for it.

"I hugged you… Remember?" Sungho's voice is low, shy; like he is admitting something he is embarrassed of. His gaze drops towards the tiled kitchen floor. The feelings of that night — now a distant memory — pass on the back of his neck like a wisp of cold wind. He shallows dry.

"Did you?" Jaehyun tilts his head to look Sungho in the eyes, his brows furrowed in confusion. They stare at each other for a few seconds but then Jaehyun's eyes widen and his brows shoot up to his forehead; he remembers. His tone becomes vivid and loud, like having that piece of information made everything make sense, "Oh my god, you're right! In the car! You shouldn't have done that".

A soft blush dusts the apples of Jaehyun's cheeks and the tips of his ears. Sungho giggles at his reaction; he is blushing a little as well.

Their eyes fall back to the fridge, neither of them wanting to break this lovely, nostalgic moment they are having. Sungho scans the photos with a soft smile on his lips.

He passes by a photo of Sanghyuk resting on a hammock making finger hearts to the camera, the shade of the trees sheltering his body from the summer sun.

A photo of Dongmin with a toothy smile on his face, holding up a big fish dangling from the hook of his fishing rod; his baseball cap pulled so low it obscures his eyes.

A photo of Woonhak sleeping peacefully in his bed. They are all gathered up around him, smiling mischievously and ready to wake him up with the loudest 'happy birthday song' of his life.

His smile falters when his eyes land on the next one.

Sungho is shirtless sitting down on the closed lid of the toilet, his hair is brushed back and covered in a thick layer of bleach. He looks helpless, head tilted dow. He is peeking through his lashes to look at the camera. Jaehyun took the photo selfie style; he has the widest smile on his lips and is making a V with his left hand inside the cheap plastic glove that came with the hair bleach.

"Oh my god! We are never doing that again!" Sungho sounds exasperated, pointing the photo out. A phantom sting prickles his scalp when he remembers that day.

"Oh, shit!" Jaehyun interjects, he is giggling immediately.

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"Ok, I got it all in here" Sungho announced placing a plastic bag containing his latest purchase over the bathroom's sink. He pulled things out of it and placed them over the marble counter. Jaehyun watched quietly leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, one eyebrow lifted in concern.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Sungho didn't answer his question, inspecting the instructions on the box of hair bleach.

"Oh, I don't know! It could look horrible; all your hair could fall off; you could get scalp burn…" he listed with a mocking tone, unfolding his arms so he could lift a finger every time he added something to the list.

"It's not gonna look horrible!" Sungho got hung on the first statement, "I used a filter on Instagram and it looked great on me!".

"Well… It's your hair" Jaehyun lifted both hands in the air in surrender, "Worse case scenario, you'll rock a buzz cut for a few months".

Jaehyun finally steeped inside the bathroom. Sungho hadn't considered that a possibility. Those words created a sliver of dread that halted his movements for a split second; his confidence wavered.

"I can't believe I let you convince me to do this…" Jaehyun muttered, taking the box from Sungho's hands.

He inspected the instructions carefully and aligned the little bottles of chemicals over the sink in the order they should go.

"I would do it myself, with or without you. I just asked for your help because I can't see the back of my head" Sungho lied, shrugging and sitting down over the closed toilet lid.

He tried to sound confident even though anyone who knew him would describe him as an uncertain type of guy — always full of doubts and questions — like overthinking is his normal pace of thinking. But he is also very stubborn and his stubbornness won that day. He didn't want to back away from his decision and admit that he was slightly scared.

Jaehyun picked up the plastic glove that came with the kit and slid it onto his left hand like a doctor about to perform surgery. Sungho stared with wide eyes. It was a scene no un-medicated and awake patient should ever witness. He sat still, waiting for Jaehyun to slice his heart open with a scalpel.

Jaehyun mixed carefully the concoction inside the plastic bowl, stirring the chemicals together with a synthetic brush; he followed the instructions to a T. The reality of what they were about to do hit Sungho in the form of a pungent, chemical smell that clouded the small bathroom.

Jaehyun stepped in front of Sungho, he held the plastic bowl in one hand while the other still mixed it's contents. Sungho kept his gaze low; lingering on Jaehyun's bare feet and the strong calves he built when he played soccer in high school. Jaehyun stopped mixing; the silence lasted one second. He cleared his throat.

"You should probably… Take off your clothes" his voice dipped, velvet smooth and sensual as if to punctuate the suggestive tone of the phrase.

Sungho's head snapped up to look at him, startled by the blunt suggestion. Jaehyun's eyes sparkled; He pulled his lower lip in between his teeth, the corner of his mouth lifting into a smirk; he looked happy to have gotten under Sungho's skin with just that phrase alone.

He has this power that Sungho discovered early in their friendship; a way of saying and doing things that just attacks the most vulnerable parts of Sungho's defenses. He gets all proud of it too, like Sungho is somehow wrapped around his finger.

"What are you talking about??" Sungho asked exasperated; eyes wide, arms hugging around his own torso in an attempt to shield himself from the prying eyes of his pervert friend who just laughed at his reaction.

"The bleach will get everywhere, Sungho! Do you want to ruin your clothes?" Jaehyun retorted still giggling. He was just being playful. Just playful. Sungho kept his arms around his body for a second, inspecting Jaehyun up and down with clinical eyes. His voice still echoed inside Sungho's head.

They had been shirtless around each other countless times, so this would not be anything new. He weighted the possibilities for a moment and decided that this was better than ruining his clothes. His hands slid down to the hem of his T-shirt and pulled the fabric up and over his head, throwing it on the floor behind the door.

"Nice body, Yeppi" Jaehyun whistled and flashed a wide smile. The teasing, sensual tone was back tenfold.

"Drop it!" Sungho barked, shooting Jaehyun a pointed, narrow-eyed look while unconsciously pulling the hem of his sweat shorts lower to better cover his exposed thighs. Jaehyun giggled again.

Sungho lowered his head, his body curled in on itself in an attempt to hide what he could from Jaehyun. He was exposed, vulnerable. The cold, humid air of the bathroom grazed his bare skin and made the hairs on his arms stand up straight. His eyes followed the straight line of the grout in between the tiles on the floor, nowhere was safe to look. Jaehyun stepped in between Sungho's legs and he instinctively opened them a little more, making space for him. He just didn't want his knees touching Jaehyun, that's all.

"I'm going to brush your hair first" Jaehyun announced nearly whispering; he didn't need to speak louder with how close they were to each other. Sungho kept his head down and simply nodded, physically unable to look up; impossibly small and vulnerable in this situation. He wanted to fight back, to reclaim some control, but he was the one who asked Jaehyun to do it in the first place; he had to swallow his pride.

Jaehyun dragged the comb through the locks of Sungho's hair gently, so gently that it was barely noticeable. He handled Sungho attentively, like he held something precious and fragile in his hands; he took care of him.

Sungho attempted to look up a little and the first thing he saw was Jaehyun's crotch in soft basketball shorts. His gaze dropped back to the floor faster than a bomb; it became impossible to ignore the blush that bloomed high over his cheeks. Truly nowhere was safe to look.

Sungho decided the safest option was to close his eyes; he tried to focus on the smell; on the cold air around his body; on anything other than Jaehyun's soft touches, but every time the comb grazed his scalp a slight shiver followed the motion down the back of his neck.

"Tell me if anything hurts" Jaehyun's gentle voice cut through the silence as he ran his fingers through Sungho's hair.

The touch was unusual, affectionate, weirdly intimate; Sungho convinced himself that Jaehyun was probably just checking if his hair was properly de-tangled. He stepped back to retrieve the bleach he had placed over the sink and the absence of his proximity and touch felt… weird.

The first swipe of cold bleach hit Sungho's scalp; he jolted a little at the contrasting temperature, but didn't stir any further. Jaehyun handled the situation so well, like he had everything under his control. All anxiety physically left Sungho's body; being replaced with a much more quieter, gentle feeling. He surrendered, completely.

Jaehyun worked meticulously, sectioning Sungho's hair to spread the product evenly over every strand of his natural brunette hair. He hummed contently to a song Sungho immediately recognized, massaging his scalp with the tips of his fingers to ensure even the roots were hit with the product. Sungho kept his hands clenched into tight fists; they rested over his knees only because he had nowhere else to place them.

Sungho's legs closed inch by inch as he slowly lost the battle against his own muscles who couldn't keep them spread anymore. His knees touched and stayed pressed against the side of Jaehyun's calves. Sungho attempted to look up again. This time he peeked through his lashes to take a look at Jaehyun's face, but he hadn't even acknowledge the touch. His face scrunched up in concentration; gaze firmly fixed on Sungho's hair; brows drawn together; eyes sporting a focused squint; lips pushed out in a slight pout. Sungho wanted to laugh at his expression, a fond smile involuntarily tugged at the corners of his lips.

Slowly it became impossible to ignore the heat emanating from Jaehyun's body as he moved closer and closer to work around the back of Sungho's head; his scalp itched constantly. Sungho adjusted and sat up a straighter with every passing minute, attempting to keep a safe distance in between their bodies, but Jaehyun kept taking every inch of new space. His lungs were constricted; he couldn't fill them up properly, like the air was thick around him. The chemical smell made it impossible to breathe. Jaehyun was affected by it as well; soft breaths escaped his lips and ghosted against Sungho's skin.

He started hallucinating, a side effect he didn't even know the product could have. His body was hot and sticky despite him being half naked, the heat being more noticeable on his face, ears, chest and the back of his neck. The bathroom closed in around them, physically pressing their bodies together. His skin was sensitive, making him acutely aware of every point of contact and warmth shared between their bodies; of every touch coming from the hands that slid non-stop over his tender, prickly scalp.

They had never shared that type prolonged proximity before, but the longer they spent inside that small bathroom the easier it became. The loud silence wasn't uncomfortable. The dangerous, almost intimate position they were in wasn't restraining. Sungho fought to keep his guards up, he really did, but somehow every time Jaehyun touched him his body relaxed and gave in instead of pulling away; every glimpse he got of his concentrated face and pouty, pink lips chipped pieces of his less than stable walls. He took every tiny, little bit of Sungho's sanity, no… Sungho gave it to him, willingly.

"Ok, now we wait" Jaehyun announced brightly, breaking the quiet moment and taking a step back. His eyes remained glued to Sungho's hair as he inspected his work, tilting his head slowly from side to side like a puppy. The sharp, cold, painful absence of him came instantly.

Sungho lifted his head, searching for Jaehyun who was already washing the brush and bowl in the sink. He had an urge to grab him, to tug him back, to force him to somehow refill the hollow space he had carved inside him and left empty. How odd.

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Sungho's eyes move away from the chaotic assortment of photos plastered over the fridge, slowly landing on the side of Jaehyun's serene face. Time stops as he traces the arch of his brows; the curve of his smile; the edge of his jawline. Something has changed, it's different, but he can't quite pinpoint what.

His stomach does a little flippy thing and his breath is coming out just slightly more elaborate than a few minutes ago. This unfamiliar feeling prickles under his skin; it makes his heart flutter and pick up a little speed, like he is scared. He clearly remembers the moment they shared inside that small bathroom. The pocket of comfortable silence; the thick, offending smell; the heat of Jaehyun's body as he surrounded him; his complete surrender to the other's lingering, soft touches.

At the time it was just other mundane moment shared between close friends, but looking at it from an outside point of view, that whole interaction was much more intimate than he remembered. And weirdly enough, it isn't weird at all. Like it was ment to be.

He takes a deep breath, attempting to steady his heart beat, to reclaim some sense of control over his own body. He closes his eyes for a second and when he opens them again, they land on another photo.

"This one… Was this the first trip we took with Woonhak?" he asks, his voice coming a little louder than he intended as his pointer finger guides Jaehyun's eyes to the particular photo.

"No… That was when he fell from the bike and scraped his elbow" Jaehyun's pointer finger joins Sungho's in front of the picture, "The first one… I think it was that overnight camping- Ah! There it is!".

Sungho's eyes quickly follow the motion of Jaehyun's finger; his heart picks up speed again.

It's night time. Jaehyun and Woonhak lay comfortably on a inflatable mattress under the twinkly stars. Their faces illuminated by the yellow, flickering light of the fire and the stark white flash of the camera. Jaehyun is smiling softly, his hazy eyes are fighting the weight of sleep that is attempting to pull his lids down. His beanie is pushing the dark strands of his wavy hair down and holding them flat against his forehead.

His right arm is serving as pillow to Woonhak's head, bending at the elbow to envelop his frame, hand resting on the high point of his shoulder. Woonhak is sleeping all curled up; his face is relaxed; mouth ajar; his hair is splayed messily over Jaehyun's chest and neck. His right arm is resting limply around Jaehyun midriff while half of his body is thrown over Jaehyun's, like a big dog unaware that he is no longer a small puppy.

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An old 80's synth-pop song played on the radio, but it didn't really fill the inside of the cabin. Jaehyun hummed along to the rhythm of the melody, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. The car was weirdly quiet even though it was packed.

Jaehyun lifted his chin to gaze at the rearview mirror and turned the music even lower. That action made Sungho peek over his shoulder.

Dongmin sat right behind Jaehyun, earphones on… Well, earphone! One had slipped out of his ear and it swayed in the air, clicking faintly against the door. He slept peacefully, resting his head against the window. His phone was on the verge of slipping from his hands given how loosely he held it.

Donghyun sat in the middle, his intertwined fingers rested over his lower stomach. He looked just like Sungho's grandpa when he slept on the couch, although he looked much cooler with his long, wavy hair tied up in a half ponytail and his sunglasses; even though they slowly slipped down the bridge of his nose. He rested his head on top on Woonhak's.

Woonhak was bent awkwardly, folding his larger frame so he could lean on Donghyun's shoulder and use him as a pillow. His hair was messy and tangled where him and Donghyun rubbed up against each other with every movement of the car. His mouth hung slightly ajar and he mouthed something Sungho didn't quite catch; sleep talking again.

"We look like a married couple taking our kids camping" Jaehyun mumbled, voice so tiny Sungho almost didn't catch it.

Sungho smiled at the idea, giving their three sleeping babies in the back another fond glace before turning back to look at the street ahead of them.

"Am I the mom?" he asked, nearly whispering. He managed to hold back a giggle, but one of his eyebrows still arched at the absurdity of the words that left his own lips.

Jaehyun smirked, but his eyes never left the road.

"I wouldn't mind being your husband" Jaehyun confessed, just loud enough for some of the words to vibrate in the back of his throat.

It was clearly a joke and Sungho played right into it; he snickered.

"I don't see no ring on my hand" Sungho lifted his left hand, gesturing at his empty ring finger to showcase his point. Jaehyun spared him a glance this time.

"I can't believe you left it at home, darling" Jaehyun shook his head as he scolded, but his tone was light, playful; the smile never left his lips. But the pet name was a step too far and Sungho retreated immediately.

"You never gave me one, dumbass" Sungho whispered, his tone flat and cynical. He stared at Jaehyun's profile with narrowed eyes.

"I even got down on one knee and all! You cried, how could you forget?" Jaehyun is a perfect actor and managed to sound truly pained, landing the palm of his hand in the middle of his chest like his heart was broken. Sungho rolled his eyes.

"Mom and dad are fighting again" Donghyun's teasing, low, rumbly timbre cut through their bickering.

He hadn't moved an inch and it was impossible to tell if his eyes were even open behind the sunglasses, but Sungho still shot him a sharp glance.

"We are not fighting" Sungho spoke flatly and a little louder, assuming they would all be awake.

Woonhak stirred from his rest on Donghyun's shoulder. He yawned when he lifted his arms up in the air, trying to stretch in the small, crowded space; his eyes remained closed.

"Did he just admit that they are 'mom and dad'?" his voice was rough from disuse. He opened one eye to peek at Sungho, a smirk already pulling the corner of his lips.

"Sure, whatever" Sungho responded annoyed, just trying to put an end to this teasing. He rolled his eyes before turning back towards the road.

"The kids are just messing with you, honey" Jaehyun spoke softly, placing a hand over Sungho's thigh that he immediately swatted away.

"What are you doing?? They are not our kids!!" Sungho nearly screamed, throw off by the assaults coming from all directions. Jaehyun let out a proper laugh; the nerve some people have.

Dongmin inhaled loudly and moved, the commotion must have stirred him awake. He pulled the single earphone out of his ear and rubbed the sleep away from his eyes with the heel of his palm. His words sounded slurred like he someone coming back from anesthesia, "What did I miss? Did they kiss?".

"What are you guys talking about??" Sungho actually screamed now, his wide eyes darted from Dongmin to Woonhak, from Donghyun to Jaehyun as they all laughed. Sungho was the only one who didn't get the joke. He looked straight at Jaehyun, gesturing towards the three in the backseat, "Did you tell them to mess with me? What is this?".

"I did nothing!" Jaehyun lifted one hand in surrender, the other still wrapped around the steering wheel. A unmistakable color painted the tips of his ears, "I like… it's just fun to see you flustered".

"So you guys like making fun of me".

"Can you blame us when you look this annoyable and react so cutely?" Jaehyun smiled, that wide, beautiful smile of his.

He glanced in Sungho's direction for just a second, but it was enough for all these angry and wronged feelings to just lose all their power. He looked so handsome. His hair grew longer these days and the strands that didn't reach his ponytail curled beautifully around his face and the nape of his neck; Sungho's ability to think straight gets severely depleted every time Jaehyun wears this damn hairstyle. His eyes sparkled like they always did when Sungho bought him his favorite food or when Sungho agreed to watch a movie with him, like he loved him or something.

Sungho squirmed in his seat and quickly stared out the window, trying to free himself from the way Jaehyun's gaze alone had him speechless. The trees and fields passed by in a blur as the words died on his tongue; any and every retort that came to mind sounded weak and pointless. The others moved on to another subject, their voices loud and excited now that they were all awake and the GPS signaled that they were just a few minutes away from the camping site.

It was mid afternoon when they arrived at their designated camping spot. The site wasn't crowded at all, a weird fact considering it was a Saturday; the perfect day for overnight camping.

Sungho was overjoyed. He kind of expected the place to be packed; kids running and screaming as they chased bugs; folks smoking pot in the tent right next to theirs; people having sex so loudly they could hear even from afar; old ladies coming around to ask where their girlfriends were; he expected all theses less-than-pleasant interactions, so finding the place mostly empty was a true blessing.

One by one they jumped out of the car. Sungho stretched his stiff muscles and inhaled the refreshing air of the mountains. He circled the car just as Jaehyun opened the trunk and pulled thing after thing from inside it. He handed one by one to Sungho who set them all neatly on the ground. Tents, sleeping bags, backpacks, folding chairs, inflatable matters, cooler and more.

Woonhak approached them, tying his hoodie around his waist.

"I'll go search for some sticks for the fire with Donghyun hyung" Woonhak announced, jutting his thumb in Donghyun's direction.

"Yeah, yeah, just don't go too far" Jaehyun responded, throwing the door to the trunk shut. He sounded just like a father; busy, but still worried.

Dongmin moved closer to them, tucking the sides of his hair behind his ears and under his baseball cap.

"Hyung, where is the bucket? I'ma go down to the river to fetch some water" Dongmin said as he looked around for the object. Sungho remembered where he had placed it, so he quickly found it a hand it to Dongmin.

"Ok! What do I do?" Sungho clapped his hands once before picking one of the tent's bag up from the ground.

"See those chairs over there?" Jaehyun stepped near him and took hold of the bag, cocking his head in the direction he wanted Sungho to look. "You'll get one, sit on it and look pretty".

"What?" Sungho stared at him confused, brows drawn into a disbelieved frown. "Why? I wanna help".

"I can do it alone" Jaehyun smiled brightly, annoyingly cocky.

Sungho looked down at the two pairs of hands fighting for the bag then up into the depths of Jaehyun's eyes; that dumb, high and mighty smile never left his lips. Sungho tugged the bag towards himself, but Jaehyun didn't yield.

"Fine, have it your way, then" Sungho eased his hold on the bag, letting Jaehyun take it from him, but not without shooting him an annoyed glare. "You are insufferable, you know that, right?".

"I'd like to say I'm driven and determined, but I've heard 'insufferable' as well" Jaehyun responded playfully as he dropped down onto one knee and placed the bag in front of him.

Sungho dragged one folding chair towards the area Jaehyun had elected to set up their tent, it's feet cut a trail through the tall grass. He opened the chair, sunk it's feet firmly on the ground and sat on it with a theatrical ruff, sticking his nose up and crossing his arms over his chest for added effect. Jaehyun just laughed at his antics; a soft, bright and sweet sound.

Jaehyun guided a strand of hair behind his ear, opened the bag and emptied it of it's contents, placing each item carefully on the ground by his side. Sungho watched quietly, following every motion of Jaehyun's hands.

"How did you learn to do this?" he inquired, his eyes trailed up the length of Jaehyun's arms until they landed on the side of his face where sweat already beaded.

"My dad used to take me and my hyung camping all the time" Jaehyun responded, his tone soft and nostalgic as he laid the tent flat on the ground. A smile pulled the corner of his lips. "My hyung and I… We used to compete on who could pitch the tent faster. He always won, though".

"Of course he did, he is much older than you" Sungho reasoned, crossing his legs and resting his elbow over his knee, making a fist to lean his cheek against. "Sounds kind of unfair, actually".

"Oh, no! I loved it!" Jaehyun said excitedly, his eyes sparkled under the sunlight; Sungho's heart leaped a little. "I always went all out and every time a got even one second closer to his time it was pure bliss!".

Sungho's mind traveled, conjuring images of little, loud Jaehyun; knees scraped from falling off his bike; a few baby teeth missing from his bright smile, racing his brother on a 'tent pitching competition'; his pouty, sad lips when he lost. Sungho imagined his brother ruffled up his hair and cooked meat for him over the fire.

"Must have been nice" the words left his lips softly when he spoke. The wind swept them away from Jaehyun's ears.

He carried on pitching the tent; his skilled fingers assembled the structure poles quickly. He threaded them through the grommets on each corner of the tent and impressively lifted the whole thing up in the air with little effort, a job generally done by two people. Sungho stared in awe; jaw slack as his eyes traveled all over Jaehyun's body and followed his experienced movements closely. A single drop of sweat rolled slowly down the side of his neck and disappeared on the collar of his T-shirt.

Sungho couldn't look away from him, couldn't avoid this warm, fuzzy feeling fluttering in his stomach. He dried his clammy hands on his denim covered thighs.

Jaehyun always does this: Takes tasks upon himself and gets the job done. Most of the time it doesn't turn out perfectly nor flawlessly, but he is always eager to help either way.

Once, when they helped Sanghyuk move out of his parents' house, he got too excited and picked up way too many boxes at once. He only took a couple of successful step before tripping over the coffee table, sending the boxes flying across the living room. He broke three cups washing the dishes in Sungho's apartment when he was too busy studying for finals. He tightened the screws in Donghyun's new gaming chair so tightly that no one — not even him — can take them out anymore.

Jaehyun isn't perfect and he never tried to be; Sungho admires him despite that. This time around it was damn near perfect. He danced around the tent, fluidly pulling and tying things in place; not a single movement went to waste and in just a few minutes they had a tent.

Jaehyun stopped to admire his work. He pushed his bangs away from his face, brushing the locks with his fingers as he wiped the sweat on his forehead with the back of his other hand. "What do you think?".

"You're really good at this" Sungho said honestly, not really answering his question. He stood from his chair and paced around the tent to inspect Jaehyun's work; it was actually perfect. Jaehyun stared from the other side of the tent with shocked eyes and a wide smile.

"Park Sungho, was that a compliment!?" he asked excitedly, the smile on his lips stretched into a full grin. Sungho can't remember a single time Jaehyun wasn't smiling near him.

"It wasn't a compliment" Sungho said with a forced giggle, trying to make it sound like that assumption was ridiculous. The lie tasted bitter on his tongue and burned his throat when he swallowed it down. Jaehyun's sparkly eyes followed him as he walked back around the tent.

"It totally was!" Jaehyun beamed, sounding so confident.

"J-just a fact" Sungho's words came out a little shaky despite his efforts. He grabbed the back of the folding chair, his fingers slipped against the cold, sleek metal. He dragged it over the grass a few meters down to the side and sat down on it, trying to ignore the burning flush that crawled over his cheeks.

Jaehyun trailed after him like a puppy, carrying another tent's bag in his hands as he bounced with excitement. It was absolutely, irrevocably cute. Sungho was probably going insane because the second Jaehyun knelt down in from of him the 'cute' boy completely vanished.

The afternoon sun hung low on the sky as the day slipped through the cracks between the clouds, painting every inch of Jaehyun's smooth, exposed skin in a warm, yellow light. It glistened with a thin sheen of sweat making him look like he was made of pure, golden honey; he looked like a sweet treat.

The wind ruffled his dark, wavy hair; it grazed the side of his face. The few strands that weren't stuck to his sweaty skin brushed over his nose and eyes. He shook his head a couple of times, attempting to get it out of his face as his hands were busy building their second tent.

Sungho reached before he could even process his own actions.

The tips of his fingers gently touched Jaehyun's temple, slowly brushing against his glowing, warm skin as he guided a few strands of hair to sit behind Jaehyun's ear.

Jaehyun snapped his head towards Sungho at the sudden touch. His eyes, wide in shock, locked onto Sungho's and this time Sungho didn't waver.

Time slowed down; suddenly moving took too much effort, like swimming through thick mud. His hand hoovered mid-air, still lingering near Jaehyun's temple.

His eyes catalogued every inch of Jaehyun's face; moving slowly over the curve of his jaw; his perfect, plushy, parted lips; the column of his nose; landing on his gentle, chocolate eyes. His gaze dropped down to Sungho's lips for a brisk second before snapping up to meet him back at eye level.

Sungho's pulse roared in his ears, drowning all sounds around him; the kids weren't laughing anymore, the wind didn't rattle the leaves anymore, the clock didn't tick anymore. It was just them, suspended in a vibrating, electric connection that spared words to be understood. His body ached to move, to bridge the gap between their lips. Gosh, if Jaehyun didn't want this, he would have pulled away by now, right?

So he moved.

All restrains flew out the metaphorical window as he stole an inch of the space that separated them, his hand landed softly on the side of Jaehyun's face; his skin was warm under the palm of Sungho's hand. Jaehyun moved towards him as well; chasing him slowly, like he needed all his strength to hold himself back from simply crashing their lips together. His chest wavered as his gaze switched back and forth between Sungho's lips and his eyes; a silent plea for a confirmation that Sungho gave to him by steadily closing the distance.

"A-ham".

The sweet moment shattered in a thousand shards of glass. The kids, the leaves, the clock; all the sounds came back with full force when Sungho's heart stopped beating. Lighting stroke down his spine and his head snapped towards the one who cleared his throat beside them; his whole body jerked back so quickly you would think he had just touched hot metal. He stood up abruptly tipping the chair back with the force of the movement; it fell helplessly on the ground.

"Are we interrupting something?" Dongmin sounded smug; a mischievous smirk plastered on his lips, arms crossed over his chest like he had the right to scold them for some reason. A bucket full of cold water rested on the ground near his feet; the same one he figuratively just threw on them.

"N-no! We are just pitching the tents!!" Sungho answered quickly, waving both hands anxiously in denial; his voice came out shaky, a flush blazed the tips of his ears and the back of his neck.

"There are some tents being pitched, that's for sure…" Donghyun supplied, dropping an armful of branches on the ground.

Jaehyun shook his head and sat back on his heels, scratching the back of his neck as he let out a puff of air that sounded like a shy laugh.

"We can't leave you guys alone for a minute and you're already climbing each other" Woonhak joked, dusting off his hands.

"We weren't doing anything!!" Sungho aimed for confident but landed squarely in distressed with just how much he blushed and fidgeted where he stood.

"Yeah sure, I always get that close to my homies' lips" Woonhak shot back with an amused look on his face; smirking and lifting one very telling eyebrow.

"Stop. That." Sungho mouthed.

When he looked down, Jaehyun was already back to building the tent. Those same fingers worked just like they did before, but now they moved faster, anxiously; an unmistakable pink glow sat high up on Jaehyun's cheeks. Sungho foolishly closed the hand that he had pressed against it just a moment ago. If only he could hold onto the warmth he had stolen from him — just for a little longer.

Park Sungho, what are you doing?

An electric shock zapped down his arm; his hand jerked open quickly; fingers splaying out so the air could take the heat away.

He is not yours? What are you thinking?

He shook his head, wiped his cold, sweaty hands over the fabric of his shirt and walked away from them. He didn't even said anything. He just couldn't stand to be near them — near him — any longer, couldn't breath right, couldn't think straight. The embarrassment of the situation ate him alive from inside out like a physical thing.

He doesn't even like you like that!

He walked towards the river and paced around the bank, kicking stones as he went. He watched the birds fly in the sky, the river ripple and glitter as it caught the last rays of the sun setting behind the mountains; his mind swarmed with thoughts.

What if you ruined your friendship?

What if he starts treating you weirdly?

Couldn't you hold it to yourself?

Can you even name what you are feeling?

The night crept on him, too caught up in his own head to even register that the sky had turned black and that the stars twinkled above him. He wind ruffled his hair and sneaked under the collar of his shirt. Alone, at night, in the middle of the forest wasn't a very good setting to be in. He carded his fingers through his hair as he moved away from the river.

He trailed back towards the camping site telling himself that it would be fine, that they would just go back to how they were, that they were mature enough to manage their feelings; that Sungho was adult enough to swallow his.

The other boys sat around the crackling fire, a pot of water boiled and hissed over the coals. They ate their ramens in silence, the air around them was so thick, heavy and tense you could almost cut it with a knife. When Sungho stepped into the light Woonhak jumped to his feet.

"Hyung!" he called and sprinted towards Sungho, both his hands reached to curl around Sungho's arms, "Where were you?".

Sungho let out a strained laugh, trying to sound more put together than he actually was, "I was just by the river, what's the fuss?".

"You were gone for so long, hyung" Dongmin looked up at him with worried eyes and furrowed brows, "Sorry we messed with you earlier".

It was cute to think that the boys spent all this time beating themselves up and worrying about Sungho's whereabouts when Sungho was the only one to blame for this whole situation; the one who gave in to his impulses, crossed the line and possibly dented his friendship with Jaehyun.

"It's ok, you guys" Sungho allowed a sigh to escape his lips. He closed his eyes and shook his head, "I'm not angry, I swear".

He looked at the three younger boys as their faces shifted from worried to relieved, but he simply couldn't bring himself to look at Jaehyun. In his peripheral vision, Jaehyun remained sitting on his chair, head low and shoulders tense as he ate his ramen quietly. Sungho bit his bottom lip and sat on the chair furthest away from him.

As they ate; the events of the afternoon slowly vanished from Sungho's mind. Laughs and bicker filled the place like it normally did; this will work, one day this will all became a memory.

They went through their motions getting ready for bed. Dongmin washed up, Woonhak brushed his teeth, Donghyun changed into more comfortable clothes. Sungho stepped closer to the fire caring a metal mug with some loose tea leaves inside. As he bent down to get some water from the boiling pot he heard an elaborated breath behind him.

Jaehyun struggled to pull his inflatable double mattress out of his tent. The mattress, too large to fit through the door when inflated, was very much stuck. Jaehyun moved from one side to the other as he tugged and tugged again. It was comical, really.

Sungho placed his mug over the table to free his hands and moved closer to the scene with a smile on his lips, "What are you doing?".

Jaehyun startled at the sudden sound, turning towards Sungho with wide eyes that instantly melted into his usual, lovely, caring gaze. Sungho wished he had control over what those eyes did to his poor little heart.

"I'm setting the mattress outside" he responded with a wide smile. Always that smile.

"Are you?" Sungho crossed his arms over his chest, his tone laced with playful mock, "To me it looks like you are suffering to set the mattress outside".

"Well…" Jaehyun gave it another tug and it moved, but only a little, "Care to help?".

Sungho held the opposite side of the mattress and with a 'three, two, one' they pulled. The thing sprung out like something straight out of a cartoon. They laughed at the situation for a little while, but Sungho didn't linger around, still not completely confident that he could hang around Jaehyun alone without feeling awkward. Once the task was done he turned on his heels to retrieve his forgotten mug and continue making his tea; but his eyes lingered.

Jaehyun moved the mattress around, placing in down on the grass gently. He pulled pillows and blankets from his tent and threw them half-haphazardly over the mattress. Once everything was where they needed to be he flung his body over it with a loud, exaggerated ruff.

Sungho bit the inside of his cheek, hands curled around the warm mug. He wanted to say something, air some things out; not really put the cards on the table — he wasn't that brave — but he didn't want to just pretend that nothing had happened.

He took careful steps towards Jaehyun, measuring his breathing, steading his pulse.

"Can I sit down with you?" he asked with a tilt of his head, his voice so shy and low he didn't even think they reached Jaehyun.

"Hm?" Jaehyun looked up from his phone, pulling the covers away and giving the surface of the mattress a couple of taps, "Sure, com'ere!".

Sungho sat down slowly; the surface dipped under his weight. He kept his body turned away from Jaehyun; shoulders pulled high and tense like a makeshift shield. He drank his tea in silence, acutely aware of the way every movement of the man behind him rippled over the surface of the mattress. The quiet moment stretched for a while, only the crickets chirped around them. Sungho assembled the words over and over inside his mind, looking for the best way to launch the conversation.

"Look, I-" he placed his empty mug on the ground near his feet and slowly peered at Jaehyun over his shoulder, "I apologize. I don't know what got to me this afternoon, I shouldn't have touched you like that".

"Hey!" Jaehyun's tone was way to loud and bright for the serious, intimate conversation Sungho expected to have with him, "No need to apologize. You were just fixing my hair, right?".

"No, it's- Not just that…" Sungho turned fully and laid down beside him, staring up at the night sky — looking at Jaehyun would do no good and Sungho didn't even think he was capable of looking him in the eyes and say what he said, "I thought about kissing you. Isn't that silly?".

Jaehyun didn't move, he stayed as still as a statue. His stare burnt holes on the side of Sungho's face, his breathing slowly turned measured and careful. Sungho held his own, waiting for any reaction, any word, anything. Jaehyun did the worst thing possible.

He laughed.

Sungho turned to him with furrowed brows and a stern stare. He told no joke. Yes, it might have been a weird thing to say out of nowhere and it's not hard to think that probably sounded funny for him, but it was still a slap across the face. Sungho never imagined the sound of Jaehyun's laugh could hurt him like this. When Jaehyun caught sigh of him and the pained expression on his face, the laugh instantly vanished.

"For real, for real?" he asked, his face quickly morphed into one of concern and shock.

Sungho's cheeks burnt. He was half relieved that he finally learned what Jaehyun truly felt for him and half embarrassed by the way the things had played out.

"I mean… I wouldn't mind kissing you" Jaehyun added.

After those words, Sungho was in shock. A weak spark of hope flickered inside his chest. Maybe making a fool of himself, crossing the line and nursing these warm, fuzzy feelings would yield good fruit after all. "You wouldn't?".

They adjusted over the mattress, facing each other with just the stars and the moon as witnesses. They shared a stare for a bit; like a challenge, like blinking would mean defeat and Sungho easily lost. His eyes instinctively flicked to Jaehyun's parted, plush lips before moving back to his sweet eyes. They weren't nearly as close as they were that afternoon, but the simple mentioning of a kiss made Sungho's stomach drop; a feeling that only became worse when Jaehyun moved in closer.

"What are we talking about?" Woonhak asked loudly, throwing his body in between them and nearly sending them flying on either side on the mattress.

"Unagi, this is the first and the last trip you are coming along" Jaehyun announced with a tone that was way to fond for the promise he made.

"What? Why?? I didn't do anything!" he defended himself, eyes switching from Jaehyun's annoyed face to Sungho's blushing cheeks. "Did I?".

"No, Hakkie. It's ok" Sungho responded, stroking his arm in a soothing motion even though he wanted to kick Woonhak in the shin for interrupting them for the second time today. He deserved at least a pinch for it, "We were just talking about today".

"Today was fun! We should do this more times" Woonhak said as he nestled in between them over the crowded mattress, his voice slowly became heavy with sleep. They had a long, exhausting day and it was nearly midnight, so it made sense for him to give into sleep as soon as his body hit the bed, "Can I stay here with you? Dongmin hyung and Donghyun hyung said they were going down to the river or something".

Sungho and Jaehyun crossed eyes over Woonhak's head; a second of shared eye contact that spoke a thousand words. Jaehyun flashed an all knowing smile, "Yes, baby. You can stay".

Jaehyun snaked his arm under Woonhak's body, curling around his upper back and pulling him closer. It was met with some resistance, but it took about three seconds of persistence for him to relent, limbs going slack as he let the last of his sleepiness take him away.

"He is so cute" Sungho admitted, craning his neck to peek at Woonhak's sleepy face, "I should take a picture".

Sungho got up from the mattress and walked towards his tent, coming back a few minutes later with his Polaroid camera set and ready to go. He stood beside them and snapped the photo; the blinding, stark white flash threatened to awaken Woonhak (and Jaehyun who was on the brink of sleep). He circled the matters and crawled back to where he laid before, shaking the photo and waiting for it to be revealed.

"I love you" Jaehyun's voice came slurred and muffled against the top of Woonhak's head.

Three words. Three simple words that held so much power, that translated a feeling so grand and deep, the type of feeling that has a person giving up their old life, that has people changing.

He hadn't said that to Woonhak, the boy was long gone. Did he say that to Sungho?

Sungho laid completely frozen, the words replaying inside his head like a broken record. 'Ah' Sungho though, 'So that's what this feeling is called? This bone crushing ache and want for his best friend was love all along?'. He held the camera firmly and laid the photo against his chest; his pulse raced as he came up with a way to respond. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Do you?" he asked first, still not sure if he heard it right.

"Mhm" Jaehyun responded, a faint vibration in the back of his throat that ment so much more than words at that moment.

"I love you too… I think I always did" Sungho let out a disbelieved laugh.

In his dreams it would be like this: They would go out on a proper date, have a nice dinner and enjoy each other's company, then they would confess holding hands and kiss at the sunset. It was so silly to be doing this over Woonhak's dead body, but so be it; it was now or never.

"I never felt so safe around anyone like I feel around you. I just feel like I can trust you with my life and you will always take good care of me. Besides that, I think you are a wonderful person, so hard working, such a good friend, a good son, so dedicated to being a good person and making sure everyone around you is happy. I don't know when this all started… I think the feeling just- flourished on it's own, you know?".

Sungho craned his neck to peer at Jaehyun over Woonhak's shoulders. He was asleep.

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"I woke up covered in mosquito bites. Gosh, that was a horrible idea" Jaehyun's eyes are still glued to the photo, a soft smile on his lips.

Sungho remembers that day vividly, remembers the flush over his cheeks, remembers the embarrassment of blurting out his feeling only for them to fall on deaf ears, remembers how he laid alone in the cold dead of the night as the crickets chirped around them.

Is it still the same way as it was that night?

Sungho and Jaehyun stand near the fridge. They have been in this exact same spot for years — five years to be specific — reliving all the memories and stories of days gone by. With each photo, each memory, each story, the uneasiness of the words unsaid, of the feelings unshared, of the opportunities overlooked and ignored absolutely takes over Sungho's mind. Digging up those feeling would probably do more harm than good, but he just needs to know.

"That night…" Sungho swallows, his voice shakes despite his efforts to keep it steady, "you said 'i love you'… before you fell asleep".

Jaehyun freezes for a second, probably because Sungho never said those threes words to him. Well…

"Did I?" he turns his body towards Sungho but his eyes dart all around the kitchen, from one point to the other, never landing on Sungho's. He scratches the back of his neck and switches his weight from one foot to the other, "Are you sure it wasn't Unagi sleep talking again?".

"No, it was you. You two don't even sound the same!" Sungho clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth. It's just like Jaehyun to try to joke his way around and avoid serious talks, but Sungho still pushes, "Did you mean it?".

"I said 'I love you' as in 'I love you guys'. All of you. Plural" Jaehyun says casually as he passes by Sungho, brushing against his shoulder, walking away from the fridge and towards the sink.

This is ridiculous. Sungho lowers his head, chin resting against his sternum, hands curling into fists on either side of his body. He successfully managed to make a fool of himself again. The embarrassment slowly fades, leaving just a resentful, angry burn.

Jaehyun played him all this time.

All the lingering touches, all the prolonged stares, all the sweet words and even sweeter acts, all the 'almost' were never truthful, it was all just Jaehyun messing with him, trying to get a reaction out of him. And in the end Sungho is to blame for this, after all he allowed the spark of hope to ignite in his chest even thought he knows Jaehyun just loves to make him flustered, loves to watch him lose his cool. So even that was just another one of his jokes. A sick joke.

"Ah, right! And here I was, thinking you ment something else" Sungho snaps, unable to keep his tone neutral, unable to school his face and not let his frustration and irritation show. He turns on his heels to deliver his words straight to Jaehyun, "I never thought you would go that far to make a joke. That was a new low, Jaehyun".

"What are you even talking about?" Jaehyun furrows his brows and pretends that he doesn't understand where Sungho is coming from, that he doesn't know he went too far just to make Sungho blush. It's infuriating.

"You know what-" Sungho stops. Jaehyun is still playing with him, still playing dumb. There is no way he doesn't realize why Sungho is mad and Sungho has no intent of being his doll anymore, "Actually, fuck this! I don't wanna talk about it, not now".

Sungho walks towards the living room, head dipped low, measuring his breath as the blazing anger simmers down and morphs into the sharp, piercing blade of betrayal. He doesn't want to cry. Crying would be the worst possible thing to do right now; Jaehyun loves to see him cry, it would be a double victory for him and Sungho can't let him keep winning like this. He manages to get about three steps in when Jaehyun grabs his forearm. He doesn't pull, just holds him in place so he can't escape.

"Not now?" his voice is loud, harsh, his tone serious to mirror Sungho's, "Oh, so when do you wanna talk about this, then?".

'Never' Sungho thinks, but doesn't say. He is thoroughly regretting ever touching on the subject. It would have been so much better if this memory was only his, if Jaehyun was still his clueless best friend, if he was strong enough to endure the pain alone.

"Jaehyun, just- let me think some things through…" he says. It's nearly a whisper with the way his lungs fight to fill with air, the way his eyes sting, the way he fights to stay in control.

"You need to think?" Jaehyun asks harshly, pulling on him and trying to make him turn around, "Haven't I given you enough time think?".

"Given me??" Sungho twists abruptly and jerks his hand away from Jaehyun's grasp. He can hold back any longer, his hands are shaking. This conversation doesn't make sense anymore and when the words leave his lips like venom the tears stream freely down his face, "What the fuck do you mean by that?".

A pause.

Jaehyun just looks back at him, his expression is serious but he doesn't look angry and even through the tears Sungho can seen the way his face softens; curse him for thinking Sungho looks beautiful crying, now isn't the time for that. Jaehyun's brows frown for a millisecond and his lips part when he murmurs.

"Sungho, do you have feelings for me?".

Sungho's breath catches; more and more tears stream down his cheeks. This is another opportunity to voice his feelings, to free the thing that has been eating him alive for so long, to admit that 'yes, he does have feelings, deep feelings even', but…

"I- It's not…" Sungho looks towards the floor, unable to hold Jaehyun's gaze anymore. He doesn't want to make a fool of himself once again, but that stupid spark of hope it's still flickering relentlessly inside his chest.

"Do you?" Jaehyun's voice if soft and gentle but there is an obvious tinge of doubt mixed into it. He takes a step forward, softly cupping Sungho's cheeks in his hands and coercing his head up, thumbs brushing his tears away; his hands are cold against Sungho's warm cheeks, "Cause if you do… if you feel anything-".

"Do you?" Sungho interrupts looking up at him, voice broken, brows furrowed in pain, eyes swimming with tears, chest aching. The spark wants to became a fire so desperately. Sungho yearns to know the truth, once and for all; even if it breaks him.

Jaehyun lets out a disbelieved laugh letting his eyes fall shut for a bit.

"I've been screaming that I love you for years" he admits in his familiar, soft tone, but it's laced with a pain Sungho has never heard in his voice, "But I guess it wasn't loud enough... I wasn't brave enough to put it into words".

The admission works like a spell, casting visions of memories and moments of the past in the depths of Jaehyun's eyes like a mirage.

The time when Jaehyun advised him to get rid of his awful, toxic boyfriend and helped him through one of the worst breakups of his life.

The time when Sungho injured his wrist in the gym and Jaehyun visited him every day for a week to wash and dry his hair.

The time Sungho showed up at Jaehyun's door step unannounced because of a power outage in his neighborhood and Jaehyun invited him in with a smile, gave him a fresh set clothes and insisted Sungho slept on his bed while he took the couch.

The many times they spoke until sunrise about their insecurities and worries, about their past, present and future, about their plans and dreams.

Jaehyun loves him. Has loved him all along, has been screaming it for years and the deaf one was actually Sungho; too caught up in his own head to comprehend what resided beyond the lengths of their friendship. It's a paralyzing realization that painfully reignites that small spark of hope under Sungho's ribs. His eyes dart in between Jaehyun's and he just looks back at him with the sweetest, most patient gaze.

"Do you-" Sungho's voice is absolutely wrecked, so much so that he puts extra effort in his words so Jaehyun can understand him fully. He gently places his hands over Jaehyun's where they rest against his cheeks and blinks up at him, pushing more tears down his cheeks, "love me they way I love you?".

"How do you love me?" Jaehyun murmurs, taking a half-step forward. He smiles when his eyes fleet down to Sungho's lips then back up to meet his gaze. The fire is taking over, slowly spreading all over his body.

"Like a lover" Sungho whispers over his lips; barely an inch of space still separates them, the heady effects and intoxicating taste of their mixed breaths hits Sungho all at once. He is scared to death, the truth — whatever it is — lies in the next words, the next actions.

Sungho watches through heavy lidded eyes as Jaehyun's hands move around slowly, like Sungho is a scared animal that will run away if he moves too quickly — which is not far from the truth. He slides his right hand to the back of Sungho's neck and the other trails down the side of his body leaving a blazing path in it's wake before landing on the high point of his hip, fingers curling around it in a firm grip.

Sungho's breath hitches as Jaehyun pulls their bodies flush, placing his right hand's thumb under Sungho's jaw to tilt his head up just a tiny bit. He doesn't delay any further — they have been waiting years for this.

The kiss is nothing like the sunset Sungho dreamed of; the real deal is so much better. Jaehyun is gentle with him, delivering only a single long press of his soft, warm lips against his. But Sungho can't taste anything, can't taste him; it's not nearly enough. He grasps Jaehyun where his hands can reach; right hand landing over his chests — scrunching up the fabric of his shirt in his grip — the other slides under Jaehyun's arm, circling around until it lands in the middle of his upper back. And he pulls, testing if they can be possibly any closer. They can.

Sungho parts his lips easily, without any withdraws or holdbacks — the time for that is long gone — it's a clear hint and Jaehyun takes it; his tongue slides between his lips and dips into the warmth of his wet mouth. It's just what Sungho wanted. He tastes divine; not like anything Sungho has ever tasted before, a flavor that is just unexplainably him. That, combined with the weight and press of his tongue as he maps out every inch inside of his mouth has Sungho's grip faltering. His limbs turn sluggish, melting like candle wax under the blistering wildfire that took over his whole body.

Jaehyun pulls back from the kiss, but he doesn't go far; resting his forehead against Sungho's as they both catch their breaths. Jaehyun's thumb swipes fondly over Sungho's tears streaked cheeks. He murmurs over Sungho's spit slicked lips, just loud enough to make some of the words vibrate in the back of his throat, "Was that enough of an answer for you?".

"No-" Sungho whispers without opening his eyes; he wants more, so much more. He lifts his hands to hook around Jaehyun's neck pulling him to fall back into the kiss he should have never broken in the first place. Jaehyun hugs him, fingers splaying over his lower back; his palms are warm and hold him in a thigh embrace. He just smiles dumbly as Sungho lands a chain of kisses over his teeth, his lips, the corner of his mouth, anywhere they'll land.

Sungho pulls back just enough to bury his face in the crook of Jaehyun's neck, pulling him tighter into the embrace and drying the last of his tears on his shoulder. His long hair tickles the side of Sungho's face as he nuzzles his way even further. Jaehyun just giggles at him, a low vibration the tingles Sungho's skin.

It's crazy how this is so familiar yet so, so new. Jaehyun smells like he always does; the scent of his laundry detergent, his coconut shampoo, his woody perfume, the musk of his own skin and sweat; but at the same time like something totally new, like dew in the early morning just when the sun warms up a new day.

Sungho opens his eyes about halfway. Peering over Jaehyun's shoulder, his gaze lands on the fridge. It all means so much more now. It's a collection of the stepping stones on the path that took them to the 'now'; records of the bricks that built who they are; moments of friendship, care and love; fractions of their countless memories together, captured and frozen in time.

That Polaroid camera was the best thing Sungho has ever bought.

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