Work Text:
New video by Dan and Phil
Dan and Phil Pizza Mukbang 4: Meet the Phild
Transcript:
Liam: Pizza!
Phil: Pizza has arrived!
Liam: Yesssss. [He takes a slice and shoves a big bite in his mouth.] Delicious.
Phil: Once you’re done chewing, introduce yourself to the video.
Liam: [mouth full] Hi!
Dan: AFTER you’re done chewing.
Liam: Okay, I’m done. [He takes two fingers and salutes them off his head.] Hello internet–
Dan: Oh my god, who showed you that video.
Liam: I watch a lot of your videos for blackmail material.
Phil: It can’t be blackmail, it’s already up on the internet.
Liam: Whatever. [He takes another bite of pizza and swallows before continuing.] Hi video, I’m
Liam. I’m thirteen, um… My favorite color is blue, I like sharks. [He points to a glass of water on the table.] Dad, can you pass that to me?
[Dan hands him the water and he takes a long sip.]
Liam: Oh and these are my parents or whatever. I can finally be in videos because we finalized the adoption process! Take that mom! [he flips the bird to the camera]
So now I’m Liam Howell-Lester instead of Liam *REDACTED*. Beep that out.
Dan: We had a lot of options for how we could announce it but we let Liam pick.
Liam: And because pizza is delicious, I obviously chose this! I would definitely recommend this restaurant. And the other choice was just making a super long boring video where I didn’t get to eat pizza.
Phil: It wouldn’t have been that boring. But I agree pizza is better.
Liam: Yes, thank you Papa.
[He eats another bite before continuing.]
Liam: The other day in class, I got to raise my hand when the teacher went “Liam Howell-Lester” and it was very exciting. Some kids stared at me, but it was just a couple since I feel like the
kids who would be jerks to me because of you guys don’t even know who you are. I made a friend though! Her name is Bella and she’s so nice. She listens to me ramble and doesn’t think I’m annoying.
Dan: Well, I’m glad you made a friend.
Liam: Yeah! I understand pretty much everything in school except Maths, which I will never fucking use.
Phil: That’s a little dramatic.
Liam: I don’t think it is. Anyway, I have a question. Do you ever wonder why, like, people willingly go to space? Like I side with Ryland Grace, I would say no. Saving the earth is important and shit, but have someone else do it.
Dan: We took him to see Project Hail Mary a few months ago.
Liam: SPOILERS! I cried nine times. I literally cried when he met Rocky because I fucking know how movies work and I knew he he was going to die. He almost died. I literally got it right.’
Phil: He survived though!
Liam: but he still almost died. We pretty much thought he was dead. He wasn’t moving. I was sobbing on my Dad’s shoulder and I think he was concerned for my mental stability.
Dan: I wasn’t concerned for your mental stability, I felt bad because you were crying.
Liam: There was a couple next to us who I heard say “I forget people actually get this emotional over movies.” And I almost laughed. Like, It’s sad. We are meant to believe Rocky, a character who has done no wrong, has died. It’s sad. I’m obviously gonna cry.
Phil: I shed a few tears.
Liam: I feel like ninety percent of people did.
Dan: Me and Liam were looking like Cynthia and Ariana both sobbing in the theater.
Liam: Yeah, I think Papa was actually the one concerned for the mental state of both of us.
Phil: I was slightly concerned. I felt bad.
Liam: But it was all okay in the end. But when I used the bathroom after the movie some really nice old guy goes “You alright son?” and I looked in the mirror and I looked like my dog died.
Dan: We got his favorite food after.
Liam: Burger and fries! Pizza is my second favorite food. We should do a burger and fries video.
Dan: I feel like this pizza doesn’t have enough sauce.
Liam: Yeah, it’s kinda mid. It’s fine. I don’t hate it, it's just dry.
Phil: I thought you said it was delicious before.”
Liam: Yeah, but I feel like the more I eat the worse it gets. I’m gonna go get a bowl of cereal, hold on.
[Liam returns with a bowl of cheerios and blueberries.]
Liam: Sometimes I’ll walk out of my room in the middle of the night and see Papa eating cereal. Sometimes out of the bag too, no milk or anything. It’s hilarious. He kinda just waves at me and keeps eating. Sometimes I’ll eat a poptart or something with him.
Phil: I used to do that with my mum sometimes.
Liam: I knew that wasn’t a coincidence! Middle of the night cereal must be genetic. I saw her doing it when I was staying with her one time. I might be the end of the lester midnight cereal gene.
Dan: That’s a heavy burden to take on.
Liam: I know, my back hurts from carrying it. Papa, what do you think of the pizza?
Phil: I agree with you that it’s kinda dry. I would eat it again though.
Liam: I’m full, should we end the video soon?
Dan: Yeah, probably.
Liam: Goodbye internet!
Comments:
(Pinned by creator) LiamEatsBricks: Hello internet >:)
MarieLikesCatz61: The phild reveal was not on my 2026 bingo card but I'm here for it
User82912: the hello internet reference IM DEAD LMAO
User8292192: can we get this diva on the phodcast
Dogperson8728: He should do the internet is here next lol
Replies:
MarieLikesCatz61: i might go outside
Viv57: the project hail mary shit was #relateable
Jasmine8382: Liam calling them Dad and Papa is so fcking adorable I can’t
Replies:
LiamEatsBricks: I’m not adorable I’m a grown ass man
Jasmine8382: LMAO?!