Chapter Text
Hongjoong woke up to fingers moving gently through his hair.
Not shaking.
Not calling his name from across the room.
Just slow fingers scratching lightly against his scalp, disappearing for a few seconds before coming back again.
He made a quiet sound and pushed his face farther into his pillow.
“Joongie.”
No.
Absolutely not.
“Joongie,” Seonghwa tried again, voice soft enough that Hongjoong could pretend for another few seconds that he hadn't heard him. “Good morning.”
Hongjoong pulled the blanket over his head.
Somewhere beside the bed, Jongho laughed.
Traitor.
“We have to get up, baby.”
Hongjoong's eyes opened beneath the blanket.
Why?
It was morning.
Morning meant there was absolutely no reason he should have to be doing anything yet.
He slowly pushed the blanket down until only his eyes were visible.
Seonghwa smiled at him.
“Hi.”
Hongjoong blinked.
“Hi.”
“You sleep okay?”
A nod.
“Good.” Seonghwa brushed a piece of hair away from his forehead. “You remember what we're doing this morning?”
Hongjoong stared at him.
Then at Jongho.
Then back at Seonghwa.
“No.”
“You have a doctor's appointment.”
His eyebrows pulled together immediately.
“Why?”
“Just a checkup.”
“Why?”
“To make sure you're healthy.”
“Sick?”
“No.”
“Then why gotta go?”
Jongho snorted.
Hongjoong looked at him.
It was a perfectly reasonable question.
“You don't only go to the doctor when you're sick,” Seonghwa explained. “Sometimes you go when you're feeling good so they can make sure everything is still working like it should.”
Hongjoong considered this.
“What're gonna do?”
“Probably check your heart. Your ears. Your throat. They'll weigh you.”
“Shot?”
“We don't know yet.”
Hongjoong disappeared slightly beneath the blanket again.
“Don't want one.”
“I know.”
“Can say no?”
Seonghwa's expression changed.
Not badly.
Just enough that Hongjoong knew this answer mattered.
“You can always tell us when you don't want something,” he said. “And if there's something the doctor really thinks you need, we'll talk about it together first. Nobody's going to surprise you with anything.”
Hongjoong looked toward Jongho.
“Promise?”
Jongho held out his pinky.
“Promise.”
Hongjoong's hand emerged from beneath the blanket.
He hooked their pinkies together.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” Jongho gave his hand a tiny tug. “Come on. Eomma made breakfast.”
That was significantly better news.
Hongjoong pushed the blankets off and sat up.
His hair fell into his eyes.
Seonghwa tried to fix it.
Hongjoong immediately shook his head hard enough to undo all of Seonghwa's work.
“Fine,” Seonghwa muttered.
Jongho was waiting beside the bed when Hongjoong slid toward the edge.
His feet found the floor.
Cold.
Hongjoong immediately picked one back up.
“Cold.”
“Slippers.”
Hongjoong looked down.
Jongho had already put them beside the bed.
Oh.
He slipped his feet into them, stood, and held out his hand without saying anything.
Jongho took it just as easily.
They walked down the hallway together, Hongjoong still waking up enough that his steps were more shuffle than walk.
Halfway to the kitchen, another question arrived.
“Papa?”
“Yeah?”
“You come too?”
“Yep.”
Hongjoong looked over his shoulder.
“Eomma?”
Behind them, Seonghwa smiled.
“Of course.”
Both of them.
Okay.
Hongjoong turned around again and kept walking.
---
His favorite plate was on the table.
Hongjoong noticed immediately.
The blue one with the little white clouds around the edge.
His favorite cup was beside it too.
Breakfast was already cut into pieces, and there wasn't anything on the plate that wasn't supposed to be there.
Hongjoong climbed into his chair.
“Made mine?”
Seonghwa looked offended.
“No. Someone broke into the dorm this morning, figured out exactly what you like, made breakfast, and left.”
Hongjoong stared at him.
Jongho sat down beside him.
“He's lying.”
“M'know.”
“Then why'd you look worried?”
“M'didn't.”
“You did.”
Hongjoong took a bite of breakfast.
Conversation over.
For approximately thirty seconds.
“Do doctorsh eat?”
Jongho stopped chewing.
Seonghwa looked up.
“Yes,” Jongho said.
Hongjoong nodded.
Another bite.
“What they eat?”
“I don't know.”
“You said they eat.”
“They're people, sweetheart.”
“Oh.”
Seonghwa's shoulders started shaking.
Hongjoong narrowed his eyes.
“Why're you laughing?”
“I’m not.”
“Are.”
“Eat your breakfast.”
Hongjoong did.
Then—
“Is doctor old?”
“I don't know.”
“Boy or girl?”
“I don't know.”
“S'have stickers?”
“Probably.”
“What kind?”
“Joongie.”
“What?”
Seonghwa was smiling again.
“You're going to meet them in like an hour.”
Hongjoong looked down at his plate.
That was a long time to wait for answers.
He took another bite.
“They have fish?”
Jongho sighed.
---
After breakfast came the bag.
This was important.
Jongho put the backpack on the couch and unzipped the biggest pocket.
Hongjoong stood in front of it while Seonghwa disappeared to get clothes ready.
“What do we need?” Jongho asked.
Hongjoong immediately became serious.
“Water.”
Jongho held up the bottle.
“In.”
“Headphones.”
“In.”
“Snack.”
“Which one?”
Hongjoong told him.
Jongho grabbed two.
Hongjoong approved.
“Fidget?”
Hongjoong nodded.
That went into the front pocket.
“Tissues?”
“Why?”
“Because.”
Hongjoong accepted this explanation.
“Your hoodie?”
“Eomma.”
“My—”
Hongjoong stopped.
Something was missing.
Something important.
His eyes moved around the room.
Couch.
Table.
Chair.
Television.
Jongho waited.
“My—”
“Your bunny?” Seonghwa called from the hallway.
Hongjoong gasped.
His bunny.
He had almost gone to the doctor without his bunny.
Hongjoong spun around.
Seonghwa came down the hallway carrying the hoodie in one hand and the bunny in the other.
“Eomma.”
“I know.”
Hongjoong took the bunny from him and hugged it against his chest.
“Almost forgot him.”
“M' didn't.”
That seemed even better somehow.
Hongjoong held the bunny out to Jongho.
Jongho tucked him carefully into the backpack, leaving his head sticking out.
Then Jongho reached into the front pocket.
“What is this?”
Hongjoong looked.
The tiny green plastic dinosaur sat in Jongho's palm.
“S' Dinosaur.”
“I can see that.”
“Put him back.”
“Do we need Dinosaur?”
“Yes.”
“At the doctor?”
“Yes.”
“What does he do?”
Hongjoong stared at him.
What kind of question was that?
“He comes.”
Jongho looked at Seonghwa.
Seonghwa raised both hands.
“Don't involve me.”
Jongho looked back at Hongjoong.
Then at Dinosaur.
Then put Dinosaur back into the front pocket.
“Okay.”
Hongjoong nodded.
Good.
“What if m' get hungry?”
Jongho pointed into the bag.
“Snacks.”
“What if ish loud?”
“Headphones.”
“What if m' get cold?”
Seonghwa held up the hoodie.
“What if m' bored?”
Jongho tapped the front pocket.
“Got something for that too.”
Hongjoong looked down at the backpack.
His fingers rubbed over Bunny's ear.
“What if…”
He hesitated.
Seonghwa crouched beside him.
“What if what?”
Hongjoong shrugged.
“What if scary happens?”
For a moment, nobody said anything.
Then Seonghwa bumped his shoulder gently against Hongjoong's.
“Joongie.”
Hongjoong looked at him.
“We packed for the what-ifs.”
“Allthem?”
“As many as we could.”
“Even scary?”
Seonghwa smiled.
“Especially those.”
Hongjoong thought about that.
Then nodded.
“Okay.”
---
Getting dressed took longer than it should have because Hongjoong had questions.
Brushing his teeth took longer because Hongjoong had questions.
Fixing his hair took significantly longer because Hongjoong kept moving his head every time he thought of another question.
“They look my nose?”
“Maybe.”
“Why?”
“To make sure everything looks okay.”
“What if see my brain?”
Jongho, leaning against the bathroom doorway, said, “I'd be impressed.”
Hongjoong immediately looked at him.
Seonghwa grabbed his chin gently.
“Stop moving.”
“Would they?”
“No, they won't see your brain.”
“Why?”
“Because your brain isn't in your nose.”
“But's close.”
“Joongie.”
“What?”
“Please.”
Hongjoong faced forward again.
For twelve seconds.
“Bunny come?”
“Yes.”
“Dinosaur too?”
Jongho answered before Seonghwa could.
“Obviously.”
Hongjoong grinned at his reflection.
---
He insisted on carrying the backpack himself.
Jongho offered.
Hongjoong said no.
Seonghwa offered.
Hongjoong said no.
It was his bag.
He could carry it.
He made it down the hallway.
Into the elevator.
Across the lobby.
Halfway through the parking lot.
“Papa.”
“Hmm?”
“S' heavy.”
Jongho took it off his shoulders without a word.
Hongjoong smiled.
“Thank you.”
“You're welcome.”
He climbed into the car unburdened.
Seonghwa got into the passenger seat. Jongho put the bag safely beside Hongjoong before getting behind the wheel.
Music started.
Hongjoong recognized the song.
His feet immediately began swinging.
Back.
Forth.
Back.
Forth.
He hummed along, looking out the window as buildings passed.
For almost an entire minute, neither caregiver was asked a single question.
Then—
“Eomma?”
Seonghwa turned around.
“Yeah?”
“What's doctor do first?”
---
By the time they reached the clinic, Hongjoong had asked if doctors had favorite patients, whether stethoscopes were cold on purpose, if the scale could tell how tall he was, whether nurses lived at hospitals, whether the doctor would know he was nervous just by checking his heartbeat, and whether Bunny would also be allowed to get weighed.
Jongho answered the last one with, “We'll ask.”
So Hongjoong remembered.
The waiting room wasn't scary.
Not really.
There was too much to look at.
There actually was a fish tank.
Hongjoong had been very pleased to discover this.
He stood in front of it for several minutes with Bunny tucked under one arm, watching a bright orange fish repeatedly swim behind the same plastic plant.
“Why's doing that?”
“Maybe he likes it there,” Seonghwa said.
“S' hiding?”
“Maybe.”
“From what?”
“I don't know.”
Hongjoong leaned closer to the glass.
“It s'kay,” he whispered to the fish. “Nobody's bother you.”
Eventually Jongho convinced him to sit down.
Hongjoong sat between them.
His backpack rested at Jongho's feet.
Bunny stayed in his lap.
His legs swung beneath the chair.
He asked what a poster on the wall meant.
He asked why another poster had a cartoon heart with arms.
He asked whether the little kid across the room was sick.
He asked why the clock sounded louder here than clocks did at home.
He asked—
“Kim Hongjoong?”
His legs stopped.
Everything stopped.
The nurse stood by the open doorway with a clipboard.
Jongho stood.
He reached down automatically, palm open.
“Come on, buddy.”
Hongjoong didn't move.
Jongho's hand stayed there.
Waiting.
Hongjoong stared at the doorway.
It hadn't looked scary before.
People had been walking through it the entire time.
But none of them had been him.
“Joongie?”
Seonghwa's voice was quieter now.
Hongjoong tightened his arms around Bunny.
Seonghwa moved from the chair and crouched in front of him.
He didn't touch him yet.
He just waited until Hongjoong looked at him.
“Hey.”
Hongjoong swallowed.
“You don't have to go back there by yourself.”
His eyes moved toward the doorway.
Then back.
“You come?”
“Every step.”
Hongjoong looked at Jongho.
“Too?”
Jongho lowered his still-open hand a little.
“Every step.”
Hongjoong looked at the doorway again.
The nurse hadn't rushed him.
She was just waiting.
Everybody was waiting.
Seonghwa turned his hand palm-up between them.
Hongjoong stared at it.
Then slowly moved Bunny into one arm.
His other hand slipped into Seonghwa's.
Seonghwa closed his fingers gently around it.
“There you go.”
He stood.
Hongjoong stood with him.
Jongho picked up the backpack.
Nobody told Hongjoong to hurry.
Nobody pulled him toward the door.
They just started walking when he did.
Hongjoong held Seonghwa's hand tightly as they crossed the waiting room.
At the doorway, he hesitated one more time.
Jongho was right behind him.
Seonghwa was right beside him.
Bunny was tucked safely against his chest.
Dinosaur was in the bag.
They had snacks.
They had headphones.
They had his hoodie.
They had packed for the what-ifs.
Hongjoong took another step.
Then another.
And the door swung quietly shut behind them.