Chapter Text
When the palace guards informed him that Azula had been spotted on the grounds, Zuko had to wonder if she knew how alone he would be today.
Sokka and Katara had gone home, spending time with their father. Toph had dragged Aang into competing in Earth Rumble ‘for real this time’. Uncle Iroh had been very busy with the Jasmine Dragon, and hadn't had time to physically visit in a while.
Even Mai and Ty Lee were gone. Ty Lee had the day off, and chose to drag Mai on a beach trip. She offered to drag Zuko too, promising it would end better than their last beach trip. Or at least with less property damage. He’d said no, just a feeling that something would happen today.
Which left him with Suki in terms of ‘friends who could take his sister in a fight’. He had other guards, a few other Kyoshi Warriors in his personal guard. But Azula had always been able to run circles around most people.
When she didn’t come for him, Zuko knew where she would be. He gave his orders to the guards, just in case. But then he headed to the dungeon below.
It was quiet. But he knew she’d been through here. Every guard along the way was knocked out. He supposed he was thankful that it was knocked out and not dead. No scorch marks along the stone either.
Zuko crept closer. Suki at his back. The rest of the guards he brought staying to bottleneck the door. Both keeping an eye out as they headed down the stairs.
It didn’t escape his notice that Ozai’s cell door was open, though he couldn’t hear anyone. Part of him hoped the two had already left, so he wouldn’t have to face them. Of course that would be worse, but still.
He rounded the corner, fully prepared for a fight. He didn’t expect to see both on the ground.
Azula, at least, was sitting up. She didn’t look to him at all, as if she wasn’t aware he was there. Her eyes kept focused on Ozai. Her hands played with a knife, but didn’t move to use it.
Ozai was on the floor. Face down and very still.
“I'll check him while you watch her,” Suki said.
Zuko nodded, stepping aside enough for her to get in the cell. Suki was careful, ready for the possibility that the man was faking. Azula didn’t seem to notice her.
Suki nudged the man with her foot first. When that got nothing, she grabbed his arm. Pulling his hand up and letting it drop, almost comically limp as it fell. Next was her hand at his neck, waiting for a pulse.
“He’s alive,” Suki determined. “Unconscious, but alive. Pretty nasty bruise at his hairline though.”
“He’s going to be angry when he wakes up,” Azula said.
Zuko dropped down to her. To get between them. Azula’s eyes kept their gaze over his shoulder. Not looking at his face.
Her hands were still fidgeting with the knife. Though Zuko didn’t let himself forget about it, he looked her over. She looked tired. Dark circles under her eyes. Hair tied back but pieces having fallen out of the ribbon.
The injuries were what concerned him most. A slash across her forearm that certainly needed bandaging. One side of her face red and likely to bruise. Even more bruises forming quickly on her neck. A familiar pattern as if someone's hands-
Zuko glanced behind him. Despite Ozai still being unconscious, Suki had been quick to handcuff him and was keeping him from getting up. Though, of course, keeping an eye on whatever the siblings were doing. He wondered almost absentmindedly if Suki had determined the injury not needing medical attention, or if she were purposefully delaying it.
Not that he would blame her.
“I got you a birthday present,” Azula said. “It’s a little late, but it’s something.”
Zuko brought his attention back to her as she pulled something out of a pocket. Surprised to find a small wooden turtleduck. A bow tied around its middle.
He remembered having a similar one once. Azula had scorched it when her fire first came. It was an accident, she was only four and didn’t know she could make flames. But Zuko was also only six, and so he was upset she had ruined it. Ozai charred it to ashes. Telling him he was selfish for crying over something so meaningless in the face of the celebration that Azula was a proper Royal.
He pushed the thought out of his mind. Setting the toy beside them.
“What happened, Azula?” Zuko asked.
He wasn’t sure what he meant when he asked that. Asking about what happened in the cell. About why she came here. About everything that had happened between them.
“A Spirit gave me a vision,” Azula said. “She said it was to give me comfort. Something to hope for. All it did was torment me.”
“Spirits are weird like that sometimes,” Zuko said.
“We were at the beach,” she offered.
“After that last time with Mai and Ty Lee, that does sound tormenting,” he nodded.
“They were there too,” she said, not noticing the attempt at levity. “So were father and mother. And uncle.”
Her gaze unfocused for a moment. She had still yet to meet his face, but now he wasn't sure she was looking anywhere.
“Grandfather was there too,” Azula said. “So was Lu Ten.”
Oh.
“Uncle had waved all the staff away for the evening,” she said. “Insisted on cooking dinner himself.”
Sounds like something he would have done. Though tea was his specialty, Iroh was a good chef. Assuming he knew for sure what the ingredients were, at least. Zuko was still a little wary after that ‘delicious tea or dangerous poison’ incident.
“Grandfather and Mai were staying under the umbrella,” she said. “Mai had brought a few books, grandfather had brought some paperwork because he never really could take a break. They both got distracted when he asked her about the book, and told her that he knew far more interesting drama between the palace staff.”
Zuko almost smiled at that. Fire Lord Azulon had been a bit of a gossip, under the guise of needing to know everything that happened under his rule. He couldn’t remember if Mai, or Ty Lee for that matter, had ever formally met the man. But he could see them getting along.
“Mom and dad were sitting together on the sand,” Azula said. “Enjoying the sun. Talking about going to see a play later. Mom lamented the fact that the Ember Island players butchered every production. Dad got her to laugh by suggesting he force the troupe to hire her so she could whip them into shape.
Okay that one was out of character. Zuko couldn’t remember their parents ever having a nice conversation. Civil, yes. Neutral, surely. But nice? Ozai supporting her interests and Ursa laughing at his jokes? Never.
“The rest of us were playing kuai ball,” Azula said. “You and me on one team, Ty Lee and Lu Ten on the other. The two of them made a good team. A far better challenge than those idiots we played against last time.”
“Did we win?” Zuko asked.
“No,” she shook her head. “Almost. Lu Ten kicked the ball up high, then helped Ty Lee springboard jump up after it. She was practically flying, and managed to kick the ball down hard. We both tried to intercept it, but we ran into each other instead.”
Zuko did laugh at that. It sounded like something they’d do.
“Mom and dad came running,” Azula said, wiping away his mirth. “They- Mom helped me up. Asked if I was okay. Dad pulled you out of the sand, saying it was a good game. That we’d definitely win the next round after dinner.”
Very uncharacteristic. At least for their father. Ursa would have….
No. Even she was a little off. Zuko hated to admit that. But he knew that Ursa would have run to him first, and Azula second. Assuming Azula hadn’t already picked herself up by the time she was done fussing over him. Saying she was fine and didn't need her pity.
“It was strange, wasn’t it?” Azula asked. “It was nice. And that’s wrong. That vision can never happen. That vision never exists. It never had a chance.”
“I know,” Zuko sighed.
“I kept going over it in my head,” she said. “I shouldn’t have. It was just some fake reality a Spirit made to mess with me. But it stuck. I kept asking why that couldn’t have been reality. It was my fault, wasn’t it?”
“No it-” he began to say.
“It’s my fault mom left,” she said. “It’s my fault grandfather is dead. I thought it was good that Lu Ten was helping the war effort. I bothered uncle too much, and he chose to leave with you. Mai and Ty Lee were supposed to be mine, but I was awful and they chose you as well. And you… you never wanted me around.”
“Of course I-” he tried to say.
“You didn’t ask if I wanted to leave,” she said. “You could’ve taken me with you. You didn’t. I get it. I wouldn’t have taken it well. I would’ve fought you. I would’ve told father. Can’t have that now. I would’ve ruined everything. I get it, but it still hurt.”
He tried not to feel guilty at that. She was right. There was no option. She would’ve done exactly as expected and it would’ve gotten him killed and then everyone else would’ve died because he couldn’t help Aang and the rest of their friends. He had to leave suddenly or else it would've all gone wrong.
But still. To not be offered the chance to escape. It must have hurt.
“Father stayed,” Azula said. “He kept me around. He wanted me.”
“He wanted someone he could use,” Zuko said, unsure if the words would help.
“He wanted a weapon,” Azula agreed. “That’s all I’m good for. All I do is hurt and destroy.”
She wasn’t. Zuko wasn’t sure how to articulate that. At least not in a way she would hear. For all the bad she has done, he’s seen the good. He remembers the girl who could recite every line from Love Amongst Dragons. When her nicknames were lovingly teasing and not mocking. Using the palace's hidden passages to sneak cookies from the kitchens, laughing when a staff member groaned and complained about the sudden scents of spice and cherry emanating from the walls made her hungry.
He shouldn’t feel guilty. He had been a child in a horrific situation that had tried his best with what he had. Even now you could barely call him an adult, even if he legally was one now. He wanted to save them both, but you can't pull someone else out of the water when you're being dragged down to the depths.
But Azula had also been a child. Even now, two years behind him, she was still a child. And that child had been cast vicariously as victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. Sixteen and wanting to do what she thought was best but making so many mistakes along the way.
“What happened, Lala?” Zuko asked again.
“The vision stayed in my head,” Azula said. “Something bothering me. Something about it stuck out and it didn’t click until-”
For a moment, she looked to him. Taking her eyes off the threat behind him. The knife she’d been playing with shifted to her left hand, and her right reaching up to touch his face.
“You didn’t have your scar,” Azula said. “The vision fixed it, made your face what it should have been. Everything else was my fault, but that wasn’t. I didn’t encourage you to go to the meeting. I wasn’t there, so I couldn’t bait you into speaking out. I didn’t know father hadn’t told you he’d be your opponent. I couldn’t have stopped it.”
She tilted her head, then looked over his shoulder once again. Less lost, more of a glare.
“It was his fault,” Azula said. “I am a weapon, but I am his weapon. It seems so clear now. So simple. What a fool not to see it.”
“It’s what he does best,” Zuko said. “He plays people for fools. But sooner or later, he makes a gambit too big, and they see through it.”
She nodded for a moment. Then her head dropped. Looking somehow worse than before.
“I’m tired, Zuzu,” Azula said. “Tired of… this. Of everything. I thought about it. Ridiculous as it was, your friends are clearly too forgiving of past transgressions. What would they say if I showed up and said I was done? What would you say? You’d be suspicious, wouldn’t you?”
“Maybe,” Zuko admitted. “Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have tried.”
“Of course you would, you’re a sap like that” she said. “I thought about it though. Dropping in on you. Letting Ty Lee capture me. Seeing if Mai would let me hide in her home. Running away and starting a new life under a new name.”
Her gaze returned back to looking over his shoulder. Zuko turned his head as well. The man did not yet stir. Still and quiet. Suki was waiting for someone to act. For Azula to decide. For Zuko to give an order.
“Every time, I'd hear his voice in my head,” Azula said. “One day he'll escape. One day the people will put him back in power. I know what he planned for you, when you ran away. What would he do to me, when he hears I gave up? When he finds that I betrayed him?”
That in itself sent a shiver down his spine. Zuko had imagined… a lot of things. What would be done to him if he'd been captured. It was why he’d waited until the Eclipse to make his move. The safest option. And even then he worried, and feared. And knew that if he couldn’t do what he intended, then he had to die on his own terms.
“It was him or me,” Azula said. “I can’t- I can’t keep going. I don’t want to. But I can’t quit. Not with him alive.”
Her hands were fiddling with the knife again. Less a toy and more- no. More like a toy. Like comfort. A false safety net that, in reality, did nothing.
“Fire and lightning are too slow,” Azula said. “He’d be too fast. I needed surprise. He was still too fast. I fought back and he- he went down. I should’ve. I should’ve killed him while he was down. But I couldn’t. He’ll be angry when he wakes up. He’ll remember what I did. There’s no going back. I should’ve killed him, but I couldn’t.”
“Do you want me to kill him?” Zuko asked.
The words almost surprised him. Almost. He was pretty sure Azula was more shocked. Though he couldn’t see Suki, he could hear her move behind him.
“I don’t care if he lives or dies,” Zuko said. “I saw no point in killing him, and I respected that Aang didn’t. But if- If him dying helps you move on, I’ll do it.”
He meant it. He didn’t realize he did until he said it.
“When did you figure out how to be brave?” Azula asked.
“I’m not brave,” Zuko said.
“You are,” she said. “You’re not- you’re not scared of him.”
“I am,” he said. “I just realized I’d rather die fighting for what I want than let him control me. If you want him dead, fine. But if he lives, then he has to go through me and my friends before I ever let him hurt you.”
Something flickered in her eyes. A spark of some sort. Her hands moved, the knife at her hair. Before Zuko could do anything, the ponytail was severed. What remained falling around her face.
She handed him both knife and ponytail. Zuko turned slightly, handing the knife over to Suki.
The hair he held back out to Azula. Offering it in return. Hesitantly, she took part of it. With each sibling holding an end, they let it ignite. Azula's flame blue as ever. Zuko’s flame shifting through every color. When they met in the middle, he swore her blue held flickers of purples and greens, a flash of pink.
In a moment the only thing left was the acrid scent of burnt hair.
She took one last look behind him, and then dropped her head against his chest.
“Take me out of here, Zuzu,” Azula asked. “I don’t want to see this anymore.”
Zuko was all too happy to oblige. Helping her up and leading her away. A glance back to Suki, intending to ask her to handle things here. She nodded in understanding before he could get a word out. Following them out and giving orders in a hushed whisper.
He gave his own hushed whispers. Asking where Azula wanted to go. When she said she just wanted to rest, he tried to see if any of the old rooms would upset her. She didn’t seem sure, but Zuko decided it was a decent idea. Her old room had been left untouched, other than occasional cleaning by the staff.
At some point Suki fell back into step behind them. She didn't say anything, and if Azula noticed she didn't say so. But the former did bring a medkit.
Once they got to the room, Zuko took the kit while Suki guarded the door. He would prefer to call for a doctor. The bruises on her neck were concerning, and he wasn't sure if she hit her head during the fight. But she seemed coherent enough. Exhausted, but not the type of sleepy that came with a concussion.
Instead he focused on her arm. Wiping away blood, disinfecting.
“It looks worse than it is,” Azula said.
“That's my line,” Zuko said.
It had been. Long ago. Bruises and minor burns turning ugly colors and he'd be brave about it. Say he could handle it. Because he didn't want her to worry about him.
“Maybe it'll leave a scar,” Azula said.
Zuko laughed at that. He had plenty of those, even if one is more obvious than the others.
After that, he almost wasn’t sure what else to do. Thankfully he was saved by the fact that Azula just wanted to rest. Yet she didn’t want him to leave. She didn’t say it, of course. But she refused to let go of his sleeve. Didn’t protest when he arranged themselves on the bed so she could lay her head in his lap. Said nothing when his hand gently carded through the too-short hair.
It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep. Her body relaxing for once. Her breathing slower. Zuko was tempted to follow suit, but he looked up at Suki instead.
“You’re staying?” Zuko asked, his voice as quiet as he could while still being heard.
“Yes,” Suki answered.
“You don’t trust this?” he asked.
Suki didn’t answer for a moment. Eyes calculating. Sorting her thoughts. Seeing how to respond. Though she was a warrior, Zuko thought she could give half of the royal court a run for their money when it came to reading people.
“I believe she wants to get better,” Suki answered.
“But?” Zuko asked.
“But,” she said. “She’s scared of your father. Even without his Firebending, without political power, without freedom. Even when she’s already knocked him unconscious, she couldn’t kill him. It wasn’t a question of morality or fear to kill in general or mixed feelings of good memory making her hesitate. She feels okay now, but what happens when she gets scared again? Given what you’ve told me of your father so far, I don’t blame her for doing anything to avoid his wrath.”
Zuko didn’t either. He remembered that fear all too well. His own mistakes. Even wanting to change, he still slid back because of that fear. Memory of crystal caverns and the sound of lightning.
He had already offered a solution. If Ozai were dead, that danger goes away. He’d do it if Azula wanted him to. The only reason Zuko hadn’t killed him already was because he didn’t need to for himself. For him, it was enough to have the man taken out of power and put in jail for life. And okay sure, he would feel a little bad if he killed Ozai after Aang went out of his way to find a way to not kill him. Even if that way was arguably a fate worse than death in some opinions.
He didn’t know which choice to make. But he did know the one he was making now. Trust Azula. Be there for her. If she wants change, he’ll help her.