Archive of Our Own

"I'm... I don't think I can be a dad."

Eddie held his breath as he waited for an answer from the other end of the phone. After a moment, there were two trembling breaths, then a croaky, "Okay."

Chest squeezing, Eddie cleared his throat. "Look, Steve, I just... It was one night, and I've got the tour to finish, and we-"

"It's fine." Another shaky breath. "I... I can't afford a pup, anyway. And we're not... y'know. We don't really know each other. It was just one night."

"Yeah." With his hand not holding his phone to his ear, Eddie braced himself against his dressing room table. "It was fun, though," he said softly.

With a choked little laugh, Steve sniffled, "Yeah, it was."

Silence crept in once more, leaving Eddie's skin cold.

"Guess I have an appointment to make," Steve murmured, his tone carrying a note that broke Eddie's heart. "Bye, Eddie."

"Bye, Steve." The boop of Steve ending the call settled heavy in Eddie's chest, lowering his hand to stare blankly at his phone.

That was that. One phonecall that could have changed everything, but ultimately made no difference to his life.

Three sharp knocks sounded on the door. "Ed! Showtime in ten!"

"Yeah," Eddie called back, forcing himself to set his phone face-down on the table. "Coming."

"Dude, can you snap out of it?"

Eddie couldn't even look at his best friend, no matter how many drumsticks Gareth threw at him. Two months of agonising over a phonecall, and his inner alpha had progressed from impatient pacing to thrashing violently inside him. His skin fit wrong. He couldn't sit still. Every moment his brain wasn't occupied, his alpha howled for something he had turned down.

"Eddie-"

"I'm sorry, alright?" Eddie snapped, jerking to his feet. He dragged his fingers through his hair, chest tight as his alpha threw himself against the cage of his ribs. Breathing hurt, throat squeezing and muscles clenching clenching clenching-

"-breathe, man, okay? C'mon, just breathe."

Eddie blinked, finding himself staring down at the floor, both hands braced wide on the scratchy carpet of their practice room. The warm of his band crowded around him did little to soothe his rebelling alpha, tears stinging his eyes. "I fucked up," he choked, one hand searching for something to grab and finding a calloused hand that could only belong to Jeff. "I fucked up and I can't fix it and I can't breathe."

Jeff's alpha rumble ripped a sob from Eddie's chest. "What happened?" Jeff murmured.

"I had... Nearly five months ago, after that first show in Indy. I hooked up with a guy I met at the bar after." Trying his best to breathe slowly, Eddie sniffed, "It was fun, we swapped numbers, but that was it. He called me two months back..." A hand gripped his shoulder, unmistakably Gary's. "I told him I wasn't ready to be a dad, he said he'd make an appointment... Fuck, and I've felt like I've been slowly dying ever since."

The silence that followed filled Eddie with an unnameable dread.

"Why'd he take so long to call you?" Gareth finally asked.

With a few deep breaths attempting to slow his racing heart, Eddie whispered, "He said his periods are really irregular, but his heats are like clockwork. Went to the doctor as soon as it didn't hit, and called me that afternoon."

Another horrible silence.

Jeff grasped Eddie's other shoulder with his free hand. "Why'd you say you weren't ready to be a dad?"

"Because I'm still a child!" Eddie stressed, his ribs barely containing the wailing alpha in his chest.

"Ed, you're thirty five," Jeff pointed out slowly.

"I can barely take care of myself!"

"Midlife crisis," Gareth muttered. "Doesn't wanna accept his age."

"I don't know the first thing about pups!" Eddie insisted, pressing his eyes shut. "And after my dad-"

"Your dad was an asshole," Jeff cut in. "But I can't fault the way your Uncle Wayne raised you. You've got a solid father figure in your life, Ed, you know exactly how to take care of a pup."

"Not a newborn!"

Gary's hand squeezed Eddie's shoulder. "Ed."

Another sob tore from Eddie, his head dropping forward. "My alpha's going mental," he whined, free hand beating against his constricting chest a few times. "He's so angry, he's desperate, and it's too late, I can't..."

"Jesus, Eddie," Jeff sighed. Carefully, he dipped his head to lean against Eddie's, the scent of pack and a fellow mourning alpha mellowing the raging animal in Eddie's chest.

Gareth shifted closer, dropping onto his elbows to put his head at the same level as Eddie's. "Why didn't you tell us?" he asked quietly.

"'Cause I'm a fucking idiot," Eddie whispered. "'Cause it's not your fault I threw away something my alpha really needed. Something I wanted. I was stupid and threw it all away in one fucking phonecall."

Hand sturdy on Eddie's shoulder, Gary murmured, "We got two more shows and that charity event in Chicago, then we can work out how to settle your alpha. But we've got you."

Eddie let himself slump sideways against Jeff, allowing his bandmates to push in close and soothe him with their scents. "I'm such a fucking idiot..."

"We'll work it out, Ed," Jeff assured him. "We'll work it out."

Something caught Eddie's nose as he stopped at the catering table at the end of the Chicago charity event. His band had buoyed him through the end of their tour and all the talking involved in an event like this, but there was something near the snacks that crawled under his skin and made a home.

"Ed?" Gareth whispered, appearing at Eddie's elbow. "Y'okay?"

"Something..." Eddie sniffed the air, his hands trembling. "Christ, what is that?"

Shaking his head, Gareth admitted, "Not sure what you're talking about."

The animal caged in Eddie's chest lurched for the first time in nearly two weeks. "You can't smell that?"

"Smell what?"

Snagging a napkin, Eddie held it to his nose. "Who did the catering?" he muttered, one hand blindly grabbing at Gareth's sleeve. "Ask someone."

Though he grumbled, Gareth brushed Eddie's hand away to find someone.

"What're you doing?" Jeff half-laughed as he approached Eddie, whose nose was still buried in the napkin.

"Smell," Eddie insisted, shoving the napkin under Jeff's nose.

Flinching at the item forced at his face, Jeff grabbed Eddie's wrist to hold him still, then sniffed at the napkin. "It's... omega? Really faint, though-"

"It's everywhere," Eddie corrected, inhaling the napkin again.

Gareth reappeared, eyeing Eddie warily. "Uh, the caterers are in the kitchen. Out that door and-"

Eddie was already hurrying in the direction Gareth had pointed, scooting through the door and breathing deep through his nose. "This way," he muttered to himself, following the sweet scent on the air. "Where, where, where...?"

His eyes fell on a door marked Kitchen.

The moment Eddie shoved through the door, he head filled with dark caramel and vanilla, blinding him to anything but that beautiful scent. He blinked to clear his vision, gaze landing on the face that had been haunting his dreams. "Steve..."

Mouth open and eyes startled, Steve glanced to the other occupant of the room. "I..."

Eddie gave himself a moment to really take Steve in, his heart leaping at the rounded swell of Steve's belly. "You kept it..." Staggering into the room, Eddie forced himself to stop a few feet from Steve, bracing himself against one of the long, stainless steel benches. "You're..."

"Steve?" came a cautious voice, but Eddie couldn't bring himself to care, eyes too busy drinking in the sight of Steve with a pup in his belly that had to be Eddie's.

"I booked the appointment," Steve blurted out, eyes flashing with panic. "I did. But I had a meltdown before I could go because I didn't want to, and I wasn't gonna make you do something you didn't want, I was never gonna tell you, I swear, it's never gonna be your problem-"

"Can I hug you?" Eddie cut in, all his muscles coiled tight.

Mouth opening slightly, Steve eyed him for a moment, then nodded.

Eddie jolted a few steps forward, holding his breath to keep from grabbing Steve and scaring him. Slowly, he closed the space between them, both arms sliding around Steve's shoulders. "Fuck..." he breathed out, slumping against Steve as his scent filled his head. The feral alpha inside him finally settled, crooning as it curled up in his chest.

"Hi," Steve said quietly, his hands slowly making their way to the small of Eddie's back.

Eddie dropped his forehead to Steve's shoulder with a mumbled, "Hi."

Audibly swallowing, Steve whispered, "I really did book the appointment."

"I was an idiot," Eddie told him, shaking his head. "I spent every day since that phonecall wishing I could take it back. I tried calling you two days later, but you'd blocked me..." With trembling fingers, he lowered one hand to gently press against the side of Steve's belly. "My alpha's been trying to self-destruct. It's been killing me, thinking that you'd..."

Steve covered Eddie's hand with his own. "I didn't want you to think I'd use it against you later," he admitted softly. "The day after I called you, I saw one of your music videos and realised who you were... I knew you said you were touring, but your band is actually huge and... I never wanted you to think I wanted money out of you, or that I was trying to baby-trap you or something."

Breathing Steve's scent deep into his lungs, Eddie mumbled, "Wouldn't be a trap."

"We barely know each other," Steve half-laughed, tipping his head to lean his cheek against Eddie's hair.

"I know." Before he could open his mouth and let all his hopes and dreams spill down Steve's shirt, Eddie was interrupted.

"Ed? Y'okay?" Gareth asked from somewhere behind him.

One hand clutching Steve's shirt between his shoulder blades, Eddie didn't move as he answered, "Found the scent."

A pause, then Gareth muttered, "Oh shit..."

"I'm sorry," Steve whispered.

"Don't be," Eddie insisted, pressing his face against Steve's scent gland. "I think I was gonna implode; this is a relief. Trust me, sweetheart, I'm not upset." Sweeping his thumb in gentle strokes along Steve's bump, Eddie exhaled, a soft alpha rumble thrumming in his chest.

"So... I guess this's the guy who knocked you up."

"Robin," Steve hissed, a sour note creeping into his scent.

"Hey, he's not the one who found you sobbing on the apartment floor over attending an appointment you didn't wanna make in the first place," Robin said sternly, her irritation obvious in her scent, even with Eddie's face buried in Steve's neck.

A high, puppyish whine left Eddie's throat. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," he whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Ed..." Gareth's hand appeared on Eddie's shoulder. "We should prob'ly tell the others..."

"Don't give a shit about the others right now," Eddie muttered, shrugging Gareth off, fingers splayed against Steve's belly. Lifting his head to meet Steve's eyes, he cleared his throat a little. "Can we talk about this properly? Like... somewhere else?"

Steve was already nodding, eyes wet. "Yeah, I really wanna do that."

"If you think I'm gonna leave you two alone, you're crazy," piped up the voice that Eddie assumed must be Robin. When he finally looked to her, he found a severe pair of eyes aimed at him, arms folded.

"I know I messed up," Eddie told her as patiently as he could manage, "but I'd appreciate it if you could trust me to have one conversation."

Robin cocked an eyebrow at him. "Couldn't even trust you to wrap it up before getting your knot wet."

"Robin!" Face red, Steve squeezed Eddie's hand against his bump. "I'll call you," he murmured, peering up at Eddie through his lashes. "Unblock your number and everything."

"Okay." Eddie watched Steve's reservedly excited face, lifting his free hand to cradle Steve's cheek. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be," Steve whispered, leaning into Eddie's palm. "It was a lot to drop on you over the phone." He brought his own hand to Eddie's face, carefully swiping the inside of his wrist along Eddie's jaw in an affectionate scenting.

"Promise you'll call?" Eddie checked, scenting Steve's jaw in return.

Biting his lip for a moment, Steve reached into his pocket, then held his phone flat between them as he set about unblocking Eddie's number. "Promise."

Eddie drew a deep breath through his nose, exhaling low and slow out his mouth. "Okay." Before he could find the will to pull away, he dipped in to press a kiss to Steve's cheek. "I'll... You're at work, I'll let you..." He forced himself a step back, his alpha tensing in his chest.

Gareth's hand dropped onto his shoulder again. "C'mon, man, before Jeff starts panicking."

"Yeah." Eddie's heart tugged as he let his hand fall from Steve's belly.

"Steve, we have clean-up to finish," Robin sighed, taking her friend's hand. "Stop making moon-eyes at him and let him leave."

Before he could take another step back, Eddie quickly tugged the bandana from his back pocket and offered it to Steve. Delight spread through him at Steve's wide-eyed awe as his trembling hands accepted the scent token. "Tour's over. Call me literally any time."

Steve just nodded, clutching the bandana to his chest.

"Okay." Falling a few steps backwards, Eddie gave a nod of his own. "Okay." He drew a deep breath through his nose to savour Steve's scent, then turned on his heel, letting Gareth steer him out of the room. The closing kitchen door echoed down the empty hallway, Eddie only managing a few more steps before grabbing Gareth's arm. "Gar..."

Gareth turned a concerned look Eddie's way. "What's wrong?"

"I'm..." A bizzare hot and cold mix of glee and terror washed up Eddie's body. "I'm gonna be a dad..."

"Yeah... Okay," Gareth sighed, pulling Eddie into a firm hug. "C'mon, man, you got this."

Trembling, Eddie nodded.

"There you are!" came Jeff's voice from further down the hall. "What the fuck-?"

"We're gonna need a discreet exit," Gareth stated.

Eddie couldn't remember much of the journey from that hallway to their hotel room. A few muffled instructions, some guiding hands, but nothing solid.

Just the scent of Steve clinging to his jaw.

Slumped on his side on the hotel bed, his friends muttering hushed between each other, Eddie squeaked, "A dad."

Jeff's head whipped around. "Ed?"

Peering up at Jeff through tears in his eyes, Eddie whispered, "Me. A dad. He kept it, Jeffy."

Though he wrinkled his nose at the name, Jeff crouched beside the bed. "That's good, yeah?"

Eddie nodded, lower lip wobbling.

"O-kay..." Petting Eddie's head, Jeff glanced back at the other two and sighed, "He broke him."

"Shoulda seen them together," Gareth muttered.

The ringing of Eddie's phone cut through the room.

Scrambling for his phone, Eddie swallowed as his heart leapt at the name displayed across his screen. He answered the call and pressed the phone close to his ear with a trembling, "Steve?"

"Yeah, it's me."

Eddie shuddered and pushed his face into the mattress. "Can I apologise again?"

"You don't need to do that," Steve murmured through the phone. "Are you okay?"

Taking a deep breath, Eddie admitted, "I think I'm... I'm crashing... I've been so fucking wound up, and now..."

A pause. "Are you cold?" Steve asked carefully.

Eddie nodded, dazed.

"Eddie?"

A hand took the phone from Eddie's failing grip, then Jeff spoke. "Hi there. Look, I don't think Eddie's in the right place to be talking right now-" He frowned when we was clearly cut off. "Uh..." Laying a hand on Eddie's bare arm, Jeff nodded, "Yes." A pause. "Yes." Another pause, then Jeff's eyes went wide. "Uh... Right, yep, lemme find you the details."

Eddie's slow, steady heartbeat filled his ears, drowning out anymore of Jeff's words. A figure shifted in front of him, Eddie forcing himself to blink in order to focus on Gareth's face in front of him.

"Ed?" Gareth tilted his head to match the angle of Eddie's. "You in there, man?"

The word 'yes' refused to leave Eddie's mouth.

Gareth's hand grasped Eddie's shoulder, but his face disappeared, leaving Eddie floating in a blurry sea, every sound dull and distant.

Until one.

"Eddie?"

Heart jolting, Eddie's blind eyes searched for the voice. His lips wouldn't part, barely managing a dizzy, "Hmm?" in response.

"Hey..." Hands passed over him, warm and calloused, that beautiful dark caramel and vanilla scent silencing anything else.

Eventually, as Eddie's vision returned, he registered a heart beating against his ear. He blinked to focus, coming face to face with a rounded mass, a hand holding his own, guiding his palm in circles over the mass.

Heartbeat... round... sweet... touching... omega-

"Steve," Eddie croaked.

"It's me," Steve confirmed gently, a large hand pressing protectively to Eddie's cheek. "I'm here. Me and pup."

Eddie shuddered, curling around Steve's belly, face pressed into the top and knees tucked underneath.

"Eddie?" Stroking Eddie's hair, Steve murmured, "You're dropping. I think the past couple months got on top of you, especially after suddenly seeing me again. But I'm here now, okay? I got you."

Eddie's next breath rattled in his ribcage, which was suspiciously devoid of his alpha.

"You're okay," Steve cooed, nose pushing into Eddie's hair. "It's okay, alpha. Your pup's here and safe, see?" He kept guiding Eddie's palm in circles against his belly. "Me and pup are right here."

A whine left Eddie's throat, eyes damp.

"Ssh..." Steve kissed Eddie's hair, then started a gentle purr rumbling in his chest.

Eddie pressed his ear close to Steve's chest, forehead still resting on his belly, listening to his purr from the source. The tension across his shoulders slowly melted, his next inhale the smoothest he'd taken since standing in that kitchen.

"I'm sorry I triggered this," Steve whispered, fingers circling against Eddie's scalp. "I shoulda called you again. Let you know I didn't go to the appointment, told you literally anything about keeping pup..."

"I..." Eddie rasped, then nuzzled Steve's belly. "I'm..."

"In drop, Ed, don't push yourself to talk." Steve lifted his head, then asked someone else, "Can you get some water?"

The shuffling beyond the bed barely registered with Eddie, too lost in Steve's purr and scent. His thumb twitched against Steve's belly, giving a tentative little rub.

"Yeah, pup's here," Steve murmured, making his arm around Eddie known by giving him a gentle squeeze. "We got you, alpha, it's okay."

Eddie nodded the tiniest bit. "O-kay."

A few blurry minutes passed, Eddie carefully drinking from the glass Steve held to his mouth before curling around his bump again. Other voices hummed in the background as Steve murmured sweetly to him, purring against Eddie's ear and stroking his hair. For the first time since that phonecall in his dressing room, Eddie's mind was finally quiet, breathing the scent of a lovely omega, listening to him purr, cradling their unborn pup.

Their pup.

Eddie could support a pup. He could support an omega who couldn't work after childbirth. He could do those things for a very long time, almost indefinitely, if need be. He could be a proper alpha.

He would be a proper alpha.

"Pup," Eddie whispered.

Steve's fingers combed soothingly through Eddie's hair. "Yeah."

"I'll protect you. Both of you. With everything I have," Eddie mumbled into Steve's belly. "I promise."

"Let us take care of you first, okay?" Steve murmured, stroking Eddie's back.

With a shudder, Eddie nodded.

Though he wasn't sure when he fell asleep, Eddie found himself waking in a dim room, lights from the streets outside filtering through the open curtains. He was in the same position he had been last he was conscious, wrapped warm and safe around the next step in his life.

"Eddie?" mumbled a sleepy voice above him.

When Eddie slowly lifted his head, Steve was rubbing his eyes. "Hey..."

"You feeling better?" Steve yawned, touching the back of his fingers to Eddie's cheek. "You've warmed up."

"Yeah, I..." After a moment to find his bearings, Eddie carefully shifted further up the bed to put him at head-level with Steve. "You're here."

A tired smile crossed Steve's face. "Of course I'm here, alpha," he whispered, one hand cupping Eddie's cheek. "You needed me."

Eddie could have cried. "The phonecall-"

"You were scared," Steve nodded, thumb brushing Eddie's cheekbone. "I know, I get it. Trust me, I was terrified at the start. But I..." Dropping his gaze to his bump, he admitted, "I realised I really want this."

"Me too," Eddie rushed out, covering Steve's hand on his face with one of his own. "Fuck, it was killing me... And seeing you again..."

"It all got too much," Steve hummed. "I know."

Studying Steve's face in the low light, Eddie whispered, "I loved that night we spent together. I should've called you, or texted, or something, but I just... The tour, and press, and all the travelling-"

"You don't have to explain yourself, Eddie," Steve assured him, eyes still down. "I'm used to people having bigger priorities than me."

"Not anymore."

Tentative eyes met Eddie's.

"Tour's over. I can take as long a break as I want." Shifting closer to Steve's face, Eddie told him, "You're my only priority now."

Steve's breath trembled. "We still hardly know each other."

"Then let me get to know you, sweetheart," Eddie insisted, bumping his nose with Steve's. "Please? For pup and... and for me. Because I haven't been able to look at anyone the same since that night; even before you called."

The sad smile that crossed Steve's face broke Eddie's heart. "You don't have to pretend to want me for the sake of pup."

Shaking his head so quickly he was dizzy, Eddie insisted, "That's not why. I... Sweetheart, I picked up you scent on the fucking napkins," he half-laughed, imploring Steve with his eyes. "Jeff could hardly smell it, but I tracked it down the goddamn table. You smell safe. Like home."

Steve bit his lip, studying Eddie's eyes in the low lighting. "Really?"

"Stevie, if I can't kiss you in the next minute, I might be at risk of dropping again."

The corner of Steve's mouth quirked at the light tone of Eddie's voice. "Well," he murmured, dipping his head all coy. "I can't let that happen, can I?"

Kissing Steve settled satisfaction deep in Eddie's bones, his alpha rumbling contentedly in his chest. "I'll take care of you," Eddie promised, smoothing a hand over Steve's tummy. "Both of you. Just as well as you took care of me."

"Okay," Steve agreed breathlessly, tugging Eddie back in for more kisses.