Work Text:
Jeongin was fine. Absolutely fine.
Their comeback was days away and things were stabilising. 3Racha had finished the songs 3 years ago (seriously Jeongin swears Chan's laptop has all their music for the next 30 years), the recordings were done a year ago and choreographs finalised a few months ago. Now it was just practice. Over and over again. On repeat. The repetition was driving I.N crazy.
Now as much as he puts on the face of a calm and quiet menace alongside Seungmin and Minho-hyung (although Lee Know is everything but quiet and if he is- run), he was adventurous. He liked trying new things and he craved praise as much as any person would that was sucked dry by the ruthless Entertainment Industry.
So, he worked. Hard. Jeongin couldn't help but look around and see his hyungs perform impeccably. They danced and sang as fluently as speaking. They made it look as easy as breathing. And I.N was just there. Like a background dancer. Like some guy at the back, who was overshadowed by the other member's talent. But he will not mess up. He will not falter. And he most definitely will not have a voice crack during a live fucking stage.
And maybe he should let go of that years old incident but he can't. He won't.
So here he is. Half an hour after 1 am. Practice Room. Music playing loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough so nobody comes knocking at the door. Dancing and singing. Sweat clinging onto his skin and drenching the shirt he had thrown off an hour ago. He had developed some sort of a schedule most days.
First, he would go back with the rest of the members. Then when all his members were asleep and 3Racha either already back at the company or asleep as well, he would sneak out and go to one of the practice rooms. There he would practice till either 2 am, where 3racha were not home yet and pretended to be asleep when they arrived just half an hour later or when he lost track of time, he would stay till 4 am, when 3racha was already fast asleep along with the rest.
The melody of their title track slowly faded out as the song came to an end and Jeongin breathed heavily as he slumped down onto the wooden floor of the reeking practice room. Somehow it always smelled like sweat and potent cologne or perfume, sprayed by one of the other groups or sometimes Hyunjin, after he complained about the smell.
Normally he didn't mind it.
Today it was nauseating.
Jeongin breathed out a sigh, checking his phone to find no new notifications. Relieved, he packed up his stuff and left to walk home. It was a shorter session tonight but he could see the dark circles below Chan hyung's eyes and knew the three would be coming home sooner. 3racha never came home as 1/3 or even 2/3. Changbin and Jisung didn't dare leave Chan alone because they knew he would work into the morning without noticing and it was too dangerous to wander the streets alone.
Which Jeongin had been doing for the past month or so. But it was fine. Peaceful even.
The cold air brushed against his face as he walked the path to their dorms. Everything was blissfully silent and Jeongin's thoughts wandered. He probably should stop these late-night practice sessions but they were working. His vocal trainer had complimented him. It seemed like a miracle. And Minho-hyung had ruffled his hair and whispered a Good job into his ear. And unfortunately, he craved those praises. Those actual compliments other people gave him not out of encouragement but sheer admiration. He was addicted to it.
So he kept practicing.
Jeongin carefully closed their front door so it wouldn't slam and cursed to himself quietly as he struggled to place his shoes back into the cabinet.
"Jeongin?"
"Oh my god, don't scare me like that, hyung!", Jeongin whisper-shouted at Hyunjin.
"Where were you?", Hyunjin asked, arms crossed.
Shit.
"Uh just for a quick walk. Couldn't sleep.", Jeongin cursed inwardly. He was a much better liar when he wasn't completely exhausted.
"Sure.", Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, "you took a walk with the bag you take with you to practice?"
Jeongin glanced at his Nike sports bag. "Please don't tell anyone."
Hyunjin hesitated. He of all people knew the drive to be perfect. He had his fair share of overworking and chasing praises. But that was also the exact reason why he needed to tell.
Hyunjin sighed. "Fine. But only if you promise to be careful. Don't push your limits too much or you'll end up injured."
"You're not gonna tell me to stop?", Jeongin asked, surprised.
"Look, Iyen-ah, I know you won't listen to me anyway, I didn't when Lee Know-hyung forbade me. Just be careful. Please.", Hyunjin looked at him deeply.
"I will.", I.N promised, "I promise."
"Good. Now got to bed."
Jeongin really did not mean to overdo it. He didn't. In fact he was very good at keeping his promise with Hyunjin for a solid 2 weeks before everything went to shit.
The thing was, it wasn't even technically his fault. How the hell should he have known their schedule got changed last minute and their 8 am interview turned into a 6 am one? And so what if he slept through breakfast because he was so god tired? It was fine. Splended. Fantastic.
Yeah Jeongin was half convinced he was going crazy from sleep deprivation but you gotta do what you gotta do.
The van ride after the interview was pure chaos. Chan was scolding Seungmin and Hyunjin for throwing a cat fight, Felix and Jisung were loudly singing along to whatever song was playing on the radio, Changbin was just laughing through it all and Minho was very loudly telling everyone to shut up which did not work in the slightest. Jeongin was very surprised their manager hadn't quit yet. Though the man looked like he needed coffee. Or a bottle of soju.
Jeongin sighed, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.
"Ew, hyung, get off me!", the maknae shoved Felix off of him, rolling his eyes.
"Aw you're so cute when you're grumpy.", Felix teased, "you're gonna end up falling asleep during the dance break in our title song."
"Am not!", Jeongin protested, though it came out way more childish than he wanted.
"Why are you so tired anyway? You were asleep before any of us.", Changbin inquired.
Jeongin shrugged. "No idea."
Hyunjin shot him a look and Jeongin shrugged him off. Nobody seemed to notice. Except Minho, because he noticed everything for some reason, although he just squinted his eyes and turned away.
"Probably because he's still growing. Children are always tired.", Chan commented from the passenger seat.
"Excuse me? I'm over twenty!", Jeongin shot back.
Chan smirked. "Which just proves my point."
"Yeah, whatever, stop reading those psychology articles, it's creepy."
"One, two, three and four- one, two, three- Yah Iyen-ah focus!", Minho scolded.
"I am focusing!", Jeongin shot back, muttering under his breath.
"No you're not! You're moving on autopilot. Feel the music. Feel it.", Minho ordered.
"You sound like a psychopathic therapist."
"I'm taking that as a compliment."
Jeongin sighed and turned in sync to everyone else, the music's vibrations hummed through every bone and even Hyunjin and Felix started looking tired. Jeongin was exhausted.
His vision started blurring and he caught himself from stumbling more than once. Minho noticed because of course he did.
"Ok, guys, maybe take-"
Blurry. Knees buckled. It happened so sudden even I.N looked surprised.
"Jeongin!", someone caught him before he hit the floor. He could feel slender fingers on his shoulder. Hyunjin.
Black.
"Jeongin!"
"Wake up!"
"Should I get a medic?"
Frantic shouting.
"Am fine.", Jeongin muttered, eyes still screwed shut.
"Bullshit."
He sat up. "Seriously, I'm fine. Just blacked out for a second."
"No one just blacks out.", Chan handed him a water bottle.
"It's nothing.", Jeongin drank.
"Jeongin, would you just-"
"He's been practicing at night.", Hyunjin's voice cut through like a arrow trained on a bullseye.
"I'm sorry- what?!", Minho shouted.
"Hyung!", Jeongin hissed, "you promised."
"No, you promised. And you broke it.", Hyunjin huffed, "I love you but you're being stupid and reckless."
"It's not a big deal.", Jeongin muttered under the concerned gazes of his hyungs, "stop staring!"
"Iyen-ah, you're so good at performing. You don't have to practice more than we do.", Chan spoke softly.
"Ugh I know that!", I.N sighed, "it's just good to be safe. And it works. I get better."
"You'll get better without running yourself into exhaustion.", Minho said sharply.
"Fine. Yeah. I- I'm sorry.", Jeongin stared at his hands.
"Don't be.", Felix grabbed them and took them into his, "we're just worried, ok?"
"I know. I know.", Jeongin said, "I'll stop. I promise. For real this time."
Hyunjin snickered.
"Good, let's get food. My treat.", Changbin smirked.
"Don't we still have lessons?", Seungmin pointed out.
"It's one missed vocal or dance lesson. What will the company do? Fire us?"