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Hours later and Peter Parker is still thinking about the way his Aunt May had left that morning with a hastily thrown ‘goodbye’ over her shoulder.
When Peter had woken up in the morning, he was determined to make it a good day for his Aunt. The anniversary of Ben Parker’s death had weighed on him as the date had approached. He had become a little quieter as the feelings that were always stored in his heart grew more pronounced.
The pain of losing Ben.
The guilt of it being all his fault.
The fear that he would cause the same harm to May.
Peter had tried not to let them show too much, not wanting his Aunt to worry or put anymore pressure on her. The anniversary was hard enough, she didn’t need Peter adding to it.
Peter had used his allowance to buy May her favourite flowers and had placed them on the kitchen table so she could see them when she woke up. He had stopped by her favourite bakery and grabbed her favourite pastry for a breakfast.
But all of that had been ignored when May had rushed about the apartment, not seeing the flowers or the breakfast. She had barely even looked at Peter before she had left, Peter heart sinking in his chest as the door had clicked loudly behind her.
Peter had tried to brush it off. Tried to tell himself that May was just in a rush and late for work, that was all.
She blames you. It was your fault. All these powers and yet you couldn’t save Ben.
Peter had fled the apartment as the voice in the back of his head had only grown louder. He had frantically pulled on his web shooters and Spiderman mask before he was out the window and webbing away as fast as he could.
But the haunting image of Ben bleeding out under his hands and the devastation on May’s face when she had been told the news was not something that Peter could out swing.
Peter had had finally stopped under the Brooklyn Bridge. He created a little hammock and tucked himself inside. His listened the steady thrum of the traffic above him and had watched the boats below. His tears disappeared into the water below, his eyes growing puffier and puffier the longer he sat there. He had long discarded his mask, unable to stomach the kind words Karen, his AI, had been offering. He didn’t deserve it.
It was his fault.
The mechanical whirr of the familiar suit broke through Peter’s misery and he curled himself up tighter just as Iron Man appeared under the bridge.
“Well this is new,” Tony’s voice came disembodied through the Iron Man mask.
Peter said nothing, curling up tighter in his web hammock. He heard Tony drift closer and felt the hammock shift as Tony tugged on it.
“Kid, are you hurt?” Tony asked, the worry seeping out only adding to Peter’s guilt.
“Fine,” Peter rasped out, voice wet. “Go away.”
“I can’t do that, kid” Tony said. “What’s going on? You’ve got your Aunt and I worried when the school called to say you never made it in.”
Peter swallowed a sob. “She hates me.”
“Who does?” Tony asked.
“Aunt May.”
The Iron Man suit faltered in the sky and Peter turned to find Tony correcting himself in mid air. The mask suddenly shifted, revealing Tony’s horrified expression.
“Kid, your aunt does not hate you,” Tony said. “Why would you think that?”
“Because it’s my fault,” Peter sniffed. “And she should. I hate myself.” And the tears kept flowing, a sob hiccuping out of him, no longer able to suppress it.
Peter shook but didn’t protest when the Iron Man mask snapped back into place and Peter was suddenly scooped up, web hammock and all. He continued to cry as Tony flew him away, uncaring as to where the genius took him.
Tony could drop him in the river and he would deserve it.
Of course, Tony didn’t. Soon enough they were landing and Peter realised he was being transferred inside. Warm air rushed over him and Peter shivered. He was placed on something soft and his web hammock was peeled away from him.
Peter looked up when Toy crouched down in front of him, calloused thumbs softly wiping away his tears.
“Uncle Ben wasn’t your fault,” Tony said softly but firmly.
Peter hiccuped on a sob.
Tony’s hands never left Peter’s face as he gently cupped them. “When the school called us, it hit Aunt May that she had forgotten that today was the anniversary.”
Peter shuddered, leaning heavily into Tony’s hands.
“And May will tell you this herself, but Peter, she had never once blamed you. It was not your fault,” Tony said.
“But I had my powers,” Peter said, blinking wetly at Tony.
“You could have had a hundred powers and it still wouldn’t have been your fault,” Tony said firmly. “It was the man who took Ben’s life who was at fault. They are the only ones to shoulder the blame. Not you.” Tony’s thumb moved to catch another tear. “I hate that you have been carrying this around, kid.”
“I’m sorry,” Peter whispered.
Tony shifted, pulling Peter into a hug.
Peter burrowed into Tony’s chest, hugging him back tightly.
“It wasn’t your fault, kid,” Tony murmured into Peter’s curls. “None of this was.”
They stayed like that until Peter heard the hurried steps of his aunt. He pulled back from the hug and turned to see May hurrying towards him, her own face streaked with tears.
Tony moved away and May instantly took his place, pulling Peter into a tight hug.
“Oh baby,” May said. “I’m so sorry I forgot today was the anniversary.”
“I’m sorry it was my fault,” Peter said.
May pulled back sharply. “Peter Benjamin Parker. Ben was not your fault. Not ever.”
“But-“
“No buts,” May said sharply. “It was not your fault.”
“See,” Tony said softly, a small smile on his lips.
“Ben wouldn’t want you blaming yourself either,” May said firmly. “I’m sorry you have been feeling this way and that you felt you couldn’t talk to me about it.”
“I’m sorry,” Peter whispered.
May pulled him back into another hug. They stayed like that, Peter trying to let go of the guilt that he had been holding onto. Eventually, Peter pulled out of the hug, his emotions finally having settled into something more manageable.
May gently pushed back his hair, giving him sad smile. “Are you okay?”
Peter gave a little shrug. “I’m not sure.”
“I think,” Tonys aid carefully. “That you should talk to someone. I know it had helped me.”
Peter blinked with surprise. “You talked to a therapist?”
Tony nodded. “They helped me quit my drinking. And after everything that has happened, and meeting you, I wanted to be a better version of myself. If you like, I could put you in touch with them.”
“Would I have to tell them about Spiderman?” Peter asked.
“No,” Tony said. “But if you wanted to, they would be discreet.”
“Only if you want to,” May said.
“I - I think I want to,” Peter said.
Tony beamed proudly at him, making Peter’s heart flutter. “I’ll get you in touch.”
Peter felt something inside him shift, something easing away that he hadn’t realised had been so tense. It would take some time to come to terms that he wasn’t responsible for Ben, and one day he would come to believe it. Tony and May would be there with him as he worked on himself. They would be there for the hard days and for the good day, always showing him how proud they were.
Healing wasn’t a straight line and had its ups and downs, but Peter would learn that it was possible and with Tony and May by his side, he could do anything.