Chapter Text
The minute that I walk into the conference room of people, I know I want to keep my trans identity a secret.
It isn't an unreasonable thought, okay!? I've been flown out to a random ship in the middle of nowhere to present my findings of a completely alien species. The worlds most important scientists, from every country I could imagine, are now looking to me to teach them amidst a world crisis.
So sue me if I want to be known entirely for my scientific prowess, and not what's in my pants!
As Stratt shows me to the men's bunks, I vow to stay stealth during my time working on the Hail Mary mission. While everything on the ship is gendered, from bathrooms to sleeping spaces, I figure it can't be too hard.
I mean… I've stayed stealth for years, and I work as a middle school teacher. How hard can this be?
1. Goddamn Gendered Bathrooms
The gendered spaces are an issue.
A huge issue.
See, I love being a teacher. I get the summers off, and I get to educate young minds, but what I don't get is a hefty paycheck for my contribution to society. Because of this, I can hardly afford the testosterone part of my medical transition. Top surgery and bottom surgery? That's a long way into the future.
Of course, that's only if Earth even has a future.
I sit on my bunk, watching everyone file into the locker room. I understand the space issue, but did Stratt seriously have to make us shower together?
Slowly, I walk into the locker room, and walk into an empty stall. People will think I have to poop or something, and won't question why I didn't choose to use a urinal.
As I relieve myself, an aching feeling makes itself known around my chest. I take of my shirt, and carefully peel off my binder, letting out a small groan.
I slept in my binder… I've been wearing this 'death contraption', as Marissa likes to call it, for over two days now.
It isn't like I've had any time to take a break! First I stayed late working with Carl on breeding Astrophage, then I was shipped off to wherever here is, and I was so tired I just had to sleep.
I sit on the toilet for a few more minutes, letting my chest and back take a break.
Maybe the others will think I have some serious bowel issues. Yeah, I can work with that.
However, I eventually slip my binder back on, and exit the stall.
Guess my ribs just have to deal with it.
After a few days, I've developed a pretty decent routine for getting showered. And after a few days, said routine starts to arouse suspicion.
Usually I'm too busy to do anything other than follow Stratt around, or stay cooped up in the lab. So, I've decided to take my showers in the middle of the night, when no one is up. However, after my arrival, it seems as though the project is recruiting a new person every day. And unfortunately, these new people have even worse schedules than me.
Seriously, why would anyone need to shower at 3 AM in the morning?
… Anyone other than myself, of course.
Regardless, with everyone managing to find a new way to shower in the dead of night, I've had to skip showering on multiple occasions.
Of course, this hasn't gone very well, and I find myself sitting in the lab, desperate to get clean. It's late at night, and I'm working on an improved version of the breeder prototype. The rest of my engineers have gone to sleep, and I scribble away at my paper, doing small calculations.
After a bit, I've come up with some measurements I think will work. This concept should double the amount of micrograms of Astrophage we can breed, which will leave us with plenty by the time the orbital window to launch the Hail Mary appears.
I check my watch and pause. It's 5 AM.
I can feel all the caffeine and adrenaline pour out of my system, and a wave of tiredness floods my body.
But I feel so dirty, and I can't imagine going to sleep feeling like this. I decide to suck it up, and head to the locker room, pulling out a change of clothes. I peek inside, and breathe a sigh of relief when I see no one inside.
I shower quickly, and put on my clothes and binder in a stall. I exit the locker room and freeze, seeing Stratt standing in the hall. Her arms are crossed and she raises an eyebrow at me.
"You're still awake? Or did you just wake up?" She asks sharply.
"I just finished some work," I say vaguely. Stratt purses her lips and I mentally curse at myself. She's already lectured Dimitri about getting sleep after the 72 hours awake incident, and I can't imagine she'd be happy about my late night showers.
"I need you to manage your sleep schedule," she says. "You are my lead scientist and I cannot have your work impeded by things like fatigue."
"Alright," I say, trying to move past her. She moves in front of me, and I immediately shrink back.
"Dr. Grace this is serious. I've noticed that whenever you take showers, you do it in the dead of night, and I don't understand why. All I know is that it leaves you drinking much more caffeine than you need, and falling asleep on Carl."
My face turns red.
"W-wait, that was only ONE time-"
Stratt raises her hand and I fall silent. She studies my face, gears in her head turning. Then, she sighs.
"Please don't tell me you're insecure about something and feel as though the solution is taking showers in the dead of night."
I swear, my heart nearly stops.
Why does Stratt have to be so persistent!? No, why do I have to let her be so persistent? Surely I can walk away from this interaction without telling her a thing if I just-
"You do realize you could've just asked me to use a private bathroom? I have one connected to my office, and you're free to use it whenever you like," she said.
"… You would let me do that?" I ask, dumbfounded.
Stratt rolled her eyes.
"Why wouldn't I?"
I'd say the weight on my chest lifts, but it doesn't. Gosh, I should really find an alternative to binders.
Still, a wave of relief floods my body, and I relax.
"Thanks," I mumble, and she lets me pass.
"Get some sleep, we have a meeting with a few scientists from India at 11."
I nod, and stumble to my bed. Laying down, I smile to myself.
At least one of my problems has sorted itself out.