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Snezhnaya’s Got No Chill

Summary:

@vody
alyosha
all i want you to learn
is ONE twirl
that's it

@mityayayaya
You have an oddly roundabout method of trying to embarrass people

@vody
hey who said i was doing this to embarrass him

@lelek
Anyone would be stupid to think that your intentions were pure from the start

@vody
ODETTE
YOU ARE A PERFORMER
YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTING ME

Vodyanitsa recruits Alyosha and his dog for an upcoming theater outreach campaign through the brand-new Prime Ice Communication Device.

Notes:

I love Stell4r so much that it’s not even funny. All hail chatfics

Tiny heads up that they may be slightly OOC, cuz I loved to up Vodyanitsa’s aggression here. I’ve done all of the related meeting point quests and AQs but I might not know enough about these goobers

Happy reading!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Part I

Chapter Text

@vody created “operation stage hunter”

@vody has added 4 new members: @lelek, @tugarinfetch, @mityayayaya, and @valeriythevexed. Be the first to say hello!


@lelek
Oh my god
Vodyanitsa please

@vody
hi guys
what

@lelek
They clearly said that the Prime Ice Communication Device is a prototype and is still undergoing testing

@vody
sis
if it was still a prototype why would they distribute it to everyone

@lelek
They're looking for community feedback on the device for further improvements?

@vody
YES??
AND IN ORDER TO GIVE FEEDBACK WE MUST FIRST USE IT??
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?????
ITS NOT GOING TO EXPLODE IN YOUR HAND YOU KNOW

@lelek
The possibility always stands
Either way not everyone here is free enough to engage in your "operation"

@vody
no no
just watch as they pop in one by one

@mityayayaya
Hello what is this
Oh is this that new program the druzhna is testing
This ice block-looking thing was trembling in my pocket

@vody
yes mitya spot on
do you like the username i gave you

@mityayayaya
I mean it's interesting
Wait you gave me this?
The guide said that the username is created upon first use of the device though I wasn't given that option

@vody
i intercepted all of your devices before it could reach you guys during distribution and set your usernames first 😛
but i couldn't find odette's and valeriy's

@lelek
We received ours through the Fatui

@vody
okay lelek

@mityayayaya
In that case why is valeriy's name so
Disproportionately creative
He's not usually interested in these kinds of device thingamajigies

@vody
i'll do you one better
why was i able to grab ahold of YOUR device

@mityayayaya
That would be because I'm not quite considered as fatui
I work with them but not explicitly under them

@vody
holy nerd
well enough about that
WHERE IS ALYOSHA

@mityayayaya
Oh golly I don't know
Perhaps he's outside actually doing his job instead of dragging people into group chats unconsented

@vody
don't even TRY to get passive aggressive with me geek boy
i know what you are

@mityayayaya
I'm a scientist

@vody
SHUT UPPP

@tugarinfetch
this is the work of Vodyanitsa isn't it

@vody
OH MY GOD FINALLY
ALYOSHA HIIII
I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU

@tugarinfetch
what

@vody
THE KOROLEVSKIY THEATER IS RUNNING A NEW CAMPAIGN TO LET PEOPLE APPRECIATE THE ARTS MORE
AND I AM PLEASED TO SAY
THAT YOU ARE OUR FIRST VICTIM!!!
i meant target
no i meant participant
wait

@tugarinfetch
huh
i've never signed up for anything like that

@vody
yes you have what do you mean
our fellow hunters need to know culture as well don't you agree
that's why we need to spread the love of performance!!

@lelek
And you somehow went about the worst way to do it

@vody
yeah well tell me your ideas then

@tugarinfetch
Vodyanitsa
i work at the theater

@vody
part-time* you mean
alyosha you are a CLEANER

@mityayayaya
Enlighten us about this campaign at the very least
I haven't heard anything about it from anyone at all

@vody
because you clearly don't go outside to touch snow
we're still soft-launching so we gotta test it on the unfortunate to see how effective it is

@tugarinfetch
you gotta test it on the what now

@mityayayaya
So you're targeting alyosha because he's someone who looks like he has free time

@vody
woah hey i never said that
i mean he does look unemployed but that's besides the point

@mityayayaya
Oh

@vody
mitya look
you are entirely hopeless
valeriy's too straight to understand the concept of art
odette and i are the ones PERFORMING art
so alyosha and tugarin are the only ones left that we're close enough with to force the campaign on

@lelek
Can you please watch your choice of words

@vody
WHAT DID I DO

@mityayayaya
No way we're soft-launching a whole campaign to a dog

@vody
the sky's the limit

@mityayayaya
That's not how you use the phrase

@tugarinfetch
convince me to help you test the campaign before i drop this thing and let Tugarin eat the ice

@vody
OKAY OKAY WAIT


@valeriythevexed has left the group chat. Farewell!


@lelek
Finally someone sensible

@vody
WHAT THE HELL

@mityayayaya
Today we mourn the loss of respected fatui major valeriy
All current soft-launching campaigns are to be halted for half a day

@vody
SHUT IT MITYA
HOW ABOUT WE HALT YOUR EXPERIMENTS FOR HALF A DAY

@mityayayaya
Hey I wouldn't mind
I won't have sarge chasing me around everywhere

@vody
i am going to personally show up at your doorstep and break your windows with my highest chord

@tugarinfetch
what is happening

@vody
we just lost a member who was going to help out in the operation that's what's happening

@tugarinfetch
alright but in the first place how is this operation supposed to go

@vody
we coerce you into compliance

@tugarinfetch
?

@vody
sigh
i was gonna ask odette to teach you pirouettes

@lelek
What

@mityayayaya
Interesting

@tugarinfetch
i see
and Tugarin?
you implied that he was a viable candidate for the initiative in a previous message

@vody
i uh
i was gonna teach him to bark different chords

@mityayayaya
Please tell me you're making this up on the spot

@vody
wow mitya you're so smart and intellectually blessed
how did you figure that one out

@tugarinfetch
are you serious about teaching a dog how to sing

@vody
oh of course not
i'm serious about the pirouettes though

@mityayayaya
I might be crazy but I would pay real money to see alyosha dance

@vody
i finally have justification to call you a freak

@lelek
Alyosha
You're not actually agreeing to this
Are you?


@tugarinfetch has updated their username. Let's welcome @alyosha_tugarin!


@alyosha_tugarin
sorry what

@vody
HEY
I WENT THROUGH SO MUCH TO SET THAT NAME FOR YOU

@alyosha_tugarin
it's quite easy to change
the druzhna gave this device a clean interface

@mityayayaya
Agreed

@vody
URGHHHHH

@alyosha_tugarin
anyway
i'll do the campaign thing

@vody
HUH

@lelek
Hm
I didn't know you fold so easily

@alyosha_tugarin
i didn't "fold"
i'm just doing this to pacify Vodyanitsa

@lelek
Thank you for your service

@vody
OH GOODNESS
WELL WHATEVER THE REASON MY FIRST MISSION IS A SUCCESS 🥳

@alyosha_tugarin
on one condition

@mityayayaya
"You never see it comingggggg"

@alyosha_tugarin
Mitya has to learn pirouettes too

@mityayayaya
WHAT

@vody
TWO VICTIMS

@lelek
I take back what I said

@mityayayaya
Hold on this is ridiculous
alyosha why

@alyosha_tugarin
there is no "why"
misery simply loves company

@mityayayaya
You know I'm a hermit
I'm not suited for the performing arts

@vody
pfft i love how you say that as if alyosha himself is suited too

@alyosha_tugarin
perhaps Mitya would be better at singing than dancing

@vody
EW??
wait that was mean sorry boys can sing well too i am so sorry
i genuinely cannot imagine any of you two taking the stage

@mityayayaya
No worries
It's harder to imagine since we all already have established jobs
Does the initiative include enrichment for acting by any chance

@lelek
It's something Vodyanitsa could certainly try to teach

@vody
okay now you're just calling me dramatic

@mityayayaya
She's not wrong
alyosha am I still in this

@alyosha_tugarin
probably
but i'll need to consider whether you deserve the suffering or not
until then we should continue this discussion about the initiative because with Vodyanitsa as the backbone it's not going to be very stable

@vody
I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON

@lelek
So tell me which part of you isn't dramatic again

@alyosha_tugarin
everyone
i have a question
actually it's more specific to Vodyanitsa

@vody
what is it

@alyosha_tugarin
how was Valeriy supposed to help in your operation exactly

@vody
that
is a very good question
i actually don't know
now that i think about it i must've added him on impulse

@mityayayaya
valeriy just told me that he doesn't have a very ideal impression of you right now

@vody
oh is he with you
tell him i'm not sorry

@mityayayaya
Done

@lelek
Is this actually happening
Vodyanitsa I'm not going to the management staff and telling them to launch this campaign

@vody
i can tell them myself
your job is to teach these oblivious people the experience of performance

@mityayayaya
Just to be clear I am not doing a pirouette

@vody
oh c'mon you're no fun

@lelek
It would be better if he doesn't
I'd have an easier time training Alyosha only

@mityayayaya
I hope you know that you can take someone's side without insulting them

@alyosha_tugarin
so we're dead serious on this

@vody
yes

@lelek
No

@mityayayaya
Unfortunately

@vody
alyosha
all i want you to learn
is ONE twirl
that's it

@mityayayaya
You have an oddly roundabout method of trying to embarrass people

@vody
hey who said i was doing this to embarrass him

@lelek
Anyone would be stupid to think that your intentions were pure from the start

@vody
ODETTE
YOU ARE A PERFORMER
YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTING ME

@alyosha_tugarin
i need to put this device aside
Tugarin just spotted an illegal camp in the wild

@vody
wait wait before you go
are you free in the evening tomorrow
it's a weekend and all

@alyosha_tugarin
yes

@vody
come to the theater when you're free
mitya?

@mityayayaya
Hi
I happen to have a day off tomorrow yeah

@vody
PERFECT
EVERYONE'S FREE

@lelek
Tomorrow is my rest day as well but
Fine

@vody
this is the best day of my life
thank the tsaritsa
SEE YOU GUYS AT THE GREENROOM!!