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Ilya is sweating bullets, fidgeting back and forth in his seat as he waits for Shane to come back with their coffee orders, praying for his boyfriend to save him from the intent stare of his best friend.
The woman, Rose, has been looking at Ilya weird the entirety of the ten minutes they have known each other, and Ilya isn't sure what he is doing wrong.
When Shane finally returns and smacks a kiss against Ilya's cheek before sitting down and putting their coffees on the table, Ilya feels fine, momentarily. His beautiful, sweet, and caring boyfriend is here, and he likes Ilya enough to introduce him to his best friend. It's all good.
Then, Ilya looks at Rose again, and her gaze has moved from weird to downright worried. She looks back and forth between Shane, who is leaning into Ilya's space happily as he rattles on about one of his classes, and Ilya, who is staring back at Rose, and a slight frown marks her face.
During a lull in the conversation, Rose speaks up, addressing Ilya.
"So, Shane says you came up to him to hit on him at a house party? That's how you met?" she asks, tone unsure, like the story isn't quite right.
Ilya fidgets at her tone, an uncomfortable feeling rising in his gut. He knows it's not a romantic backstory, and he knows Shane deserves better than that. Better than some guy who slides up to him with two red solo cups in hand and uses a stupid pick up line to get into his pants. However, it's too late to change that, and Ilya, as well as Rose, will just have to live with that.
"Yeah, my friend Marly was having a party, and Shane was also there."
"And you… saw him standing around and came up to him to hit on him?"
"Rose," Shane sighs, but Rose shrugs and raises her hands defensively.
"I'm just curious, is all."
"Yes," Ilya sniffs, feeling just as defensive by that point, "I saw Shane across the room, thought he was beautiful, and went up to him to flirt. Is that so weird?"
"No, no," Rose placates, a small smile on her face, "not weird at all."
The conversation moves on, but Ilya doesn't, and Rose, clearly, doesn't either. She keeps looking worried, and it makes Ilya want to throw up.
Sure, he's probably not good enough for Shane, but really, who would be? Ilya is trying his best, and it seems to be enough for Shane.
Is Ilya really so bad that Shane's best friend needs to be worried about him?
—
Shane tells Ilya he loves him one month into dating — which, sure, some people may think is too fast, but nothing really feels too fast when it comes to Shane, so Ilya says it back. Because he feels it, too, so he sees no reason to wait with it.
It helps, also, that Shane looks so happy about hearing it.
Svetlana thinks that they are moving too fast, and she has plenty of examples to explain why, too. She thinks that it's weird that Shane wants to see Ilya every day, and tries to sleep over at Ilya's place more often than not. She thinks it's weird that Shane insists on getting Ilya coffee before every one of his morning classes. She thinks it's weird that Shane always wants to know what Ilya is doing, constantly offering to pick him up in his car to drive him places.
Ilya doesn't tell her about the I love you's after a month of dating, because he's sure she'll call it weird again. The thing is, even though she might be right, none of it feels particularly weird to Ilya. It just makes him feel loved, and cherished, and that's a feeling he has never quite experienced to this degree.
It's addicting, in a way.
Which is why meeting Hayden Pike is probably in Ilya's bottom ten experiences of his life. Because Pike will not stop staring at them, that same worried glimmer in his eyes that plagued him through the gaze of Rose Landry only two weeks prior.
"Love you, baby," Shane says against his lips as he gets up to help Hayden's wife, Jackie, put the twins to bed. Which, Ilya thinks, should be the job of the man who actually fathered those babies — at 20, of all ages, way too young in Ilya's humble opinion, but he would probably criticize just about anything Hayden Pike does at this point — rather than the job of his beautiful boyfriend. However, the moment Jackie and Shane disappear into the adjacent room, it becomes rather clear that this was an intentional set-up.
"So," Hayden starts, running his pointer finger through the condensation on his glass of water, "you love Shane, yeah?"
"Obviously?" Ilya doesn't give him much, because what does he owe this man?
"Like, everything? You're happy with him and want to stay with him forever?"
The way he says it seems uneasy, like he is unsure of what answer he is hoping for.
"Yes," is all Ilya says, because it's the truth, but also because he doesn't want to explain himself.
"Okay, that's… okay," Hayden muses, but the worry in his eyes only abates slightly through the course of the night.
When Ilya and Shane get ready to leave, Hayden stops Shane with a hand on his shoulder and looks at him imploringly.
"Could you maybe stay a little longer? I'd just like to talk about something."
But Shane only snorts, shaking his head. "Just text me, you weirdo."
Ilya doesn't think about it, not too deeply, until he sees Shane's phone light up later that night, while his boyfriend is in the shower.
Hayden: Hey, I really wanna talk to you about the whole Ilya thing. Can you call me?
A sick feeling spreading in his stomach, Ilya turns the phone so the screen is facing the table instead, and slinks into bed. He feels sick, a little, but he just tries his best to breathe through it.
Realistically, Ilya'd known he wasn't good enough for Shane. He just never realized everyone else could see it, too.
—
Three months into their relationship, Ilya gets to meet Shane's parents. It's a good sign, of course, especially considering the fact that Shane hadn't asked Ilya to meet Rose or Hayden again after the first time.
Since Shane wants Ilya to meet his actual family, he can't be thinking that Ilya isn't good enough to show off, or to hang out with his friends. It's probably a coincidence.
So, Ilya does his best. He picks out a nice outfit, buys a good bottle of vodka, and styles his hair just right. He will make a good impression on Yuna and David Hollander and if it's the last thing he does.
It starts out well, really. They open the door to Shane and Ilya and invite them in, Ilya hands over his vodka, to David's delight, and they move into the living room for a casual cup of coffee. At first, the plan was to have dinner together, but Shane suggested that maybe something more casual would put Ilya at ease more. In reality, Ilya thinks that the distraction of a meal would probably have helped, but Shane had looked at him so sweetly that he could only agree.
The first hiccup seems to be the seating arrangements, which, really, weren't Ilya's fault. David and Yuna sit down on the couch, coffees in hand, while Ilya elects to make himself comfortable in one of the armchairs. Shane, of course, clutches his mug close as he decisively makes his way over to Ilya's armchair and sits down right in his lap, a content smile on his face. When Ilya looks back up at Shane's parents, Yuna's smile is strained.
"So, Shane never mentioned how long you've been dating?" David starts, hand gripping Yuna's in clear support.
Shane slightly stiffens in Ilya's hold, though the question seems pretty standard, so Ilya decides to answer.
"Ah, it has been three months."
"Only three months," Yuna breathes out, brow furrowing, "were you friends before? When did you meet?"
Ilya's mouth opens to answer at the same moment that Shane pinches his thigh in reprimand, but the words are already slipping out. "A few days before."
There are a few seconds of silence in the room, and David and Yuna exchange a worried look. Ilya hates the way it makes his gut churn.
"So, you only met three months ago?"
"Yes," Ilya really hopes his voice isn't shaking.
"And you asked Shane out after a few days?"
"Yes."
The silence stretches again, both of Shane's parents sending the boy in his lap unsure looks. Ilya wishes he knew what he's doing wrong, for everyone in his life to decide Shane is someone to be worried for just because he is dating Ilya. It's even worse that the decision never seems to take more than ten minutes of knowing him.
Is it just written on his forehead? Careful, this man ruins everything he touches, keep away from precious people.
After a few seconds of silence that feel like hours to Ilya, the conversation moves on. However, nobody in the room does, clearly. Shane's parents will not stop looking worried, even as they ask about Ilya's studies, his hobbies, his friends. They don't try to bring up Ilya's family, which is likely Shane's doing. Ilya loves him for it, he does, but he also wonders if that's the cause of all this. Maybe they don't believe someone with a family as broken as Ilya's could ever love their son right. Ilya isn't sure how to prove them wrong.
He isn't even sure if they are wrong.
By the time they are ready to go, Shane excuses himself to the bathroom for a minute, as Ilya waits in the entryway. The moment the door down the hall closes, Yuna is suddenly on him, hands clutched between her own.
"Ilya, sweetie, about Shane…" she starts, gaze intent. Ilya is blinking, perplexed at how fast she got in front of him.
"Look, I love my son a lot."
Ah, so that's what this is. Ilya can't help but stiffen, his shoulders going up towards his ears as Yuna continues to talk.
"He's everything to me, to both of us, bu-"
"He is everything to me, too," Ilya rasps out, effectively interrupting her. Yuna looks stunned for a second, then speaks up again.
"Okay, good, that's good, but-"
"I know you do not think I deserve him, but I love him," Ilya gets out, again, too scared to let Yuna talk. He doesn't know if he'll be able to give a good argument back if she asks him to leave Shane.
"What?" Yuna breathes out, face falling in shock. She takes a step back, her hands raising up in between them in a placating gesture. "No, Ilya, that's not what I-"
"What are you guys talking about?"
Ilya as well as Shane's parents all look over abruptly, Yuna alone making eye contact with Shane, who is staring back at her. There's something unfamiliar in Shane's eyes. It's not a look Ilya has ever seen on him.
"Oh," Yuna answers, recovering quickly, "I was just telling Ilya how great it was to finally meet him."
Like it was never there, the look vanishes, and Shane smiles brightly in response.
"Yeah, we definitely need to do this again. Ilya would love dad's puzzles."
They leave together shortly after, but not before David presses a hand down on Ilya's shoulder and sends him a silent, worried look.
Ilya feels sick.
Later that night, with Shane cuddled up close to Ilya in his — basically their, by now — bed, Ilya tries to bring it up. He buries his face in his boyfriend's nape and gathers the words that have been haunting him.
"I do not think your parents like me."
Shane takes in a surprised gasp and turns around in Ilya's arms, hands coming up to his cheeks.
"What are you talking about? They loved you. I swear, you'll be their favorite son once we get married."
There is so much warmth in Shane's gaze, and Ilya can't help but smile just a little at the implication of those words. He says it with so much certainty, like it's a fact that they will spend the rest of their lives together. However, Ilya can't help but keep worrying.
"Your friends do not like me either, I think," he insists, his fingers flexing around Shane's waist. "They act very weird around me."
Shane just sighs and leans forward, pressing sweet kisses along Ilya's cheekbone. "That's not true at all."
"But-"
"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, baby," Shane interrupts, pressing another kiss to Ilya's face. "Even if they don't like you, and I promise that's not the case, it doesn't really matter, yeah?"
Shane leans back, a sweet, loving smile gracing his lips. "I'd drop them all before I'd ever consider breaking up with you. So, no need to be sad, hm?" He presses a soft kiss against Ilya's lips. "I hate making you sad."
Warmth floods Ilya's chest, his heart swelling with so much love that Ilya thinks it might burst.
"You never make me sad," he whispers, pulling Shane closer again, unable to stand even an inch of space between them.
Maybe it doesn't matter whether or not Ilya is good enough for Shane.
He gets to have him regardless.
—
It's two weeks later that Ilya runs into Rose by coincidence, both of them walking out of the library at the same time. The woman looks at him with wide eyes, turns her head back and forth to look around, and then walks up to Ilya in quick strides.
"Where's Shane?" she asks, voice low, like she doesn't want to be overheard. There's still that worry in her eyes.
God, Ilya doesn't want to deal with this right now. Not after a grueling three hour study session. Not when he's finally getting to a point where he feels like maybe he doesn't need to be better to deserve Shane.
Not when Shane isn't even fucking here with him.
"Shane is at home," he answers anyway, truthfully. Because, sure, Shane said he'd choose Ilya over his friends, but Ilya doesn't actually want him to have to do that. He just wants Shane's friends to accept him, so Shane doesn't have to choose. Ilya never wants to be the reason Shane's world grows smaller.
"Can we talk? I'll get you coffee," Rose asks, and she tries her best to make her smile look friendly. She succeeds somewhat.
"Sure."
Ten minutes later, as they are sitting in the emptiest corner of the library coffee shop cradling their drinks, Rose doesn't seem to be sure where to start. She is fidgeting with her drink, eyes jumping back and forth between Ilya, her coffee, and the door, like a bear might walk in any moment. Ilya gets sick of it fast.
"Look, I know that you have a problem with me," Ilya decides to start the conversation himself, if Rose is too much of a coward to do it.
"Uh, what?"
"I do not know if you and Pike and Shane's parents have just all… come together on this or not, but I am not stupid. You do not think I deserve Shane." Ilya furrows his brow, determined to get all of this out. "I know you are worried, but Shane can make his own decisions. And I would like to get along with you, even if you wish for Shane to have a better boyfriend."
Rose looks at him, her mouth wide open, her eyes now flickering all over Ilya's face. She looks completely baffled, and it is kind of chipping away at Ilya's confidence in knowing what this conversation was going to be about.
"Oh my god, Ilya, what? That's not it at all," she lets out all at once, then, hands coming up in an uncoordinated flapping gesture. "You got it all wrong. We're worried about you."
Ilya probably looks just as baffled now. He feels like this might be a very strange dream.
"What?"
Rose sighs, hands coming up to rub at her face.
"Did you know that you and I went to high school together?"
Slowly, Ilya shakes his head. What the fuck is happening?
Rose nods, and takes a deep breath.
"I invited Shane to watch one of our basketball games because he was going to spend the weekend at mine anyway, and I thought it would be fun."
Ilya thinks that he should know where this is going, but his mind is completely blank. He did play basketball in high school.
"Ilya," Rose says intently, leaning forward against the table. "Shane was going to go to Harvard."
Ilya blinks, and looks down at his coffee. "Did he not get in?"
"No, he did," Rose says, and her face looks so, so concerned. She almost looks scared to keep talking. "He went to McGill because he found out that that's where you were going."
At this point, Ilya is about eighty percent sure that this is a dream.
"Hayden only met Shane in college, but Shane wasn't exactly hiding how obsessed with you he was around friends, you know? He'd talk about you all the time."
Rose is taking Ilya's hands on the table now, and the touch feels pretty real.
A prank, then?
"He obsessively followed all your social media so he could show up to all the parties you posted about going to," she cringes, her face contorting with it. "Listen, I hate to use that word, because Shane is my best friend, but," she bites her lip, "he's been stalking you for almost four years."
Rose is looking at him now, expectantly, but Ilya's mind is stalling.
Surely not.
Surely, this is a prank.
"Are you fucking with me?" he rasps out, heart beating a mile a minute in his chest.
It can't be real.
Rose cringes again, face apologetic.
"I really wish I was, Ilya. But it's true. Shane's parents called me after meeting you, because they heard Shane refer to you as his soulmate to me," she pauses, fiddling with Ilya's fingers, "like eight months ago."
Soulmate. Over four months before Ilya even knew Shane existed.
It can't be true.
Rose has to be lying.
It can't, it can't, there's no way it's true.
It's just…
It's way too fucking good to be true.
"Ilya? Are you okay? If you need help, I swear we're all on your side."
There's nothing but sincerity in Rose's eyes, and the realization that she is, really, fully telling the truth washes over Ilya like a warm shower in winter.
He barely recognizes the confusion in Rose's face as his lips stretch into a wide smile.
"Thank you for telling me," he says, voice giddy, and stands up in a rush, grabbing his bag.
"Uh," Rose seems completely out of her depth, "you're welcome?"
Ilya is laughing, a little bit. It's not giggling, though. Russians do not giggle.
"Bye bye," he throws over his shoulder, already halfway out of the café, leaving Rose to sit there in complete disbelief.
She doesn't have to get it, though. Nobody does.
This is his and Shane's alone.
—
When Ilya gets home, he can hear Shane banging around in the kitchen, likely working on dinner. Ilya drops his bag and wanders in with a skip in his step, leaning onto the counter just as Shane turns around.
Immediately, Shane perks up, a wide smile spreading on his face.
"Welcome back, baby. How did studying go?"
Ilya hums, cocking his head. "Went okay. I ran into Rose, actually."
At that, Shane's hand twitches, smile falling a bit. "Oh. That's nice?"
Ilya nods, walking around the counter to stand in front of Shane, a few steps away.
"Yes, very nice. She bought me coffee," Ilya grins, waving his hand around, "told me some things."
Shane's smile is barely there, anymore. If Ilya looks closely, he can almost make out a glint of terror in his eyes. His hand is shaking against the spatula he is holding.
"Things?" he asks, voice wavering.
Ilya hums, stepping closer with a sly smile. "Since high school, hm?"
At that, Shane's face falls completely, and his hand shoots out to grab onto the front of Ilya's shirt. He looks terrified.
"Don't leave," he whispers, and it pierces straight through Ilya's heart.
Oh, this is not what he wanted.
Ilya lifts his hands to cradle Shane's cheeks between them and presses a deep, charged kiss onto his boyfriend's lips.
"Why would I leave?" he murmurs, breath ghosting over Shane's skin. Shane's eyes are wide, and a little watery.
He's so pretty like this.
"You don't think I'm crazy?" And, oh, he sounds so small.
"Mhm, my Shanya is very crazy about me," Ilya growls, walking Shane back until he has him pressed up against the fridge. "My crazy little soulmate, yes?"
Shane is looking back at him in pure wonder, like the stars themselves have come down from the sky to declare their love for him. Ilya has never adored anything more.
"Turn off the stove," Ilya growls, thumb pressing against Shane's lower lip. "I need to fuck you right now."
Shane whimpers, blush spreading across his cheeks as he fumbles to reach the stove without moving away from Ilya.
"Four sounds good, hm?" Ilya says, grinning as he feels Shane's already straining erection press against his leg in the process. "One orgasm for every year you have loved me."
And if Ilya buys a ring the very next day, that is nobody else's business but theirs.
Especially not Rose Landry's.