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There was screaming, so much screaming.
hurtful words, the ones they knew hurt the most.
the worst part wasn’t even the pain of being thrown against the wall, but the horrible position of seeing the two people you love the most, the only people who ever loved you, violently grabbing their possessions as you crawled to their feet, begging not to do it, to please not do it, they couldn’t do this to you, you wouldn’t be able to handle it. and yet their cold faces whipped around to stare, piercing through your soul. They didn’t care. They used to, but you’ve simply pulled on the rope too much Battat, and it finally snapped, leaving you plunging into cold despair. alone like you deserve.
Battat woke up in an empty bed, he would have to get used to it. He scoffed at himself as he realized he had slept right in the middle, just like when his partners used to hold him as they drifted off. “How pathetic,” he thought, pulling himself to his feet.
The events of the night before confusingly mixed inside his head,what had even caused the argument to explode like that? He just remembered a casual bickering about Mike theories with Jongler, a bad joke about Pluey’s Mike costume, him telling one of them to shut up, and with almost no transition between the events, both of them screaming at the top of their lungs at him, saying things he had no actual memory of, just the lingering knot that he got in his throat when he thought about it.
Whatever. Did it even matter now? What was done was done. They were gone.
he thought all that as he put on his mike suit, it was late already and someone had to be Mike, it was gonna be only him from now on.
For once he actually hoped Tenna would call Mike, even if it meant he had to be Mike all morning, all day, maybe even forever. He needed to be Mike now, he couldn’t be himself, because what he was, was nothing more than a piece of shit. he treated his partners terribly all the time and now he was falling apart when they didn’t stay with him? What an asshole.
Usually he would try to push back those self hating thoughts.
Pluey used to flick the back of his head only to then softly pet it whenever he said something slightly bad about himself, Jongler used to hug him tight while telling him that it wasn't true. but it was true this time, undeniably true, Pluey and Jongler made that clear the night before.
Now fully Miked up except for the head piece he was lazily holding under his arm, he made his way into the house. his house, no longer “theirs” but “his”.
Titans above, he missed them so fucking much already, he was actually about to cry when he saw the empty couch. he didn’t want to cry, he somehow felt like he didn’t have the right to, so he turn his head away from it, now facing-
“P-PLUEY-” he muttered, but it had no breath behind it, so it came out more like an airy squeak.
Pluey was simply there, in the living room, preoccupied by something.
“He’s just grabbing his things, what he left last night” Battat frantically rationalized.
Thankfully, Pluey didn’t seem to have noticed him, or maybe he was just ignoring him. Whatever it was, Battat couldn’t face him, not without making a terribly pitiful display of himself. He scrambled toward the door, even if Tenna hadn’t called, he had to get out, now.
The movement caught Pluey’s attention. He turned around and Battat didn't wait a single second. He shoved his headgear on and sprinted out, carried forward by a blur of fear and sadness.
He barely made it a few meters before Pluey burst out after him, shouting notes that Battat’s panic tuned out, he just tried to run faster, to get away.
he was certain Pluey wanted to take his revenge, Jongler had already gotten physical the night before, shoving and bruising him. Now it was Pluey’s turn.
As much as Battat hated himself at that moment, his self-preservation instincts were stronger. But Pluey was much bigger, taller, and athletic so In a heartbeat he reached him and his hand clamped down on Battat's wrist.
fear muted him as he was quickly dragged back into the room.
He was expenting the worst, to be kicked, to be shot, to be strangled.Instead Pluey just turned him around to face him.
His whole body was as stiff as a board, Pluey shook him, snapped his fingers over his face a few times, and then moved them to hover over the chalkboard, specifically over their Mike schedule, the schedule he specifically remembered erasing the night before. but there it was, and Pluey was there too and he didn’t seem mad.
He tapped the side of the scheme for that day:
7:00 - 12:00 : Cowboy mike/ standby shift
he tapped his wrist ( on which he was not wearing a watch) and pointed at the door while tilting his head with a confused expression.
Battat stood there, basically petrified, having absolutely no idea what he meant with all those gestures. Pluey lifted up his hand, which earned a slight flinch from Battat, only to pick up a piece of chalk and writing
“it's Jongler’s shift, there can't be two Mikes running around, dummy”
He had a side smile on his face, giggling slightly after adding the “dummy” and the end
Battat's breathing was starting to pick up speed as he tried to process what was happening.
Why was everything so… normal? Was he insane? Were they? Was this a hyper-realistic dream? A time loop? A reality reset? did they just change their minds and decide to act like nothing happened? Or worse.
Was Pluey only pretending everything was fine just to mess with his head? That had to be it, this was a trick, a punishment of some sort. he was setting him up, Soon the rug was gonna be pulled from under his feet and he’s gonna be left agai-
A quick chip snapped him out of his thoughts.
Pluey now looked worried as he reached out attempting to remove his mask, but the way he recoiled made him redirect his hand to be gently resting on Battat’s chest, to make him aware that he was hyperventilating.
Battat felt numb, as if his mind was hazy, he was confused and scared, terrified even.
But nothing scary happened. Or… had it? Everything felt distant. Pluey was guiding him somewhere, he sat on the couch with the shadow guy next to him pulling him closer, what for?
His mind wasn't grounded in reality enough to even question why he was dragging his cold hands up and down his back, why he was cradling him so close that he could hear the vibration coming from his throat as he hummed.
It was such a soothing song but he still couldn't help but keep his eyes shut under his mask. Hiding from- what was he scared of?
Slowly reality started to come back, for now it was only that narrow slice of reality where he and Pluey were on the couch, but it still felt better than the muffleness for before, the coldness of the other’s chest was definitely helping.
Time blinked forward. He registered Pluey laying him down, his mind sluggishly trying to piece the geometry together. Pluey was bigger than him, sure, but not that big. How was he resting his head on a lap, but his legs were also… since when did Pluey have 4 legs?
slowly, but not slow enough to not startle him, a pair of hands took a hold of the his mike head, they slipped through the fog, their touch felt real, but Pluey’s hands where still holding him- it couldn’t-
“head’s coming off now, boss”.
The voice was like a splash of ice water, Battat’s eyes shot open, Jongler was holding his mask, Jongler was there. They must have been caught off guard by the way his body jerked backward when he saw them, because they immediately threw their hands up “calm down Batts it’s just us!”
“( •̯́ ^ •̯̀)” Pluey stroked his chest, it only helped a little against the tightness, he felt like he couldn’t get proper breath.
“Boss, it’s Wednesday. Youse has da afternoon on-call shift, remember?" Jongler asked leaning closer, “So why’s ya in youse Mike costume? It’s 8 AM.”
What was going on? Why were they acting so normal? He really was insane wasn't he?
Battat started shivering harder as his eyes darted from one point of the house to the other, his head moved slightly with them in sudden, painful looking spams .
“hey, hey now! there ain’t nothing wrong with forgett’ng sometimes! it’s just a bit… not you-like..youse know?”
He didn't even process what Jongler was saying.
because nothing made sense! He kept looking around, and to his horror, everything in the house was completely normal. There were no signs of the argument that had happened the night before.
“Hey Battat..? What's wrong?” Jongler spoke calmly to him, trying to hide how worried they probably were. Battat gulped before finally speaking in a trembling voice. “Why are you two…being so kind to me now?”
The two darkeners looked at him with confusion, then at each other and then back at him, almost dumb founded, “Umm… because youse clearly doin’ bad? And we want ta know why and how ta make ya feel better?”
“(⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃ ❤︎” Pluey added by alternating between pointing to them, to Battat and making a heart shape with his hands
Those words, those actions should have been comforting, or maybe even infuriating. But instead, like everything else, it was making him feel insane- not really there, confused.
“what…?”
Now that Battat thought about it, his body wasn't hurting nearly as much as it should have after getting thrown and kicked like he had been the night before… and the house wasn't like he remembered it from last night, the curtains were… he remembered them darker but maybe it was the lighting.
But the schedule, he very clearly remembered erasing it, with hands that shook so much he couldn't even hold the spray bottle properly, having to use the napkins to wipe his tears, smearing some marker ink on his face-
…
That couldn’t be true
They didn't own a dry erase board.
They only ever had chalkboards.
What the hell.
The more he tried to poke at the memories of the night before, the more he realized how little there actually were, it was all mostly just feelings and concepts and the few he could find were filled with inconsistency.
That's when he finally he look down, at his arm, slowly lifting the costume to reveal his bare skin. He met a lot of resistance not only from the layers of clothing but from his mind, he was so afraid, like something was gonna jump in his face if he uncovered it.
But he did it, and to his absolute profound terror.
Totally clear, no bruises, no scratches.
Oh, he was right, something did jump to his face. The reality of the situation.
The undeniable fact that the night before, the actual night before, they just ate dinner, watched some shows, and went to bed.
He had dreamed it all, the assault, them leaving him, everything, none of that ever happened.
That explained why his memories of it were so blurry, why Pluey and Jongler were acting so normal.
Battat’s cheeks began to redden in embarrassment, he could believe it. He didn't want to believe it. He made all that fuss for a stupid nightmare. What was he 6 years old?! How much more pathetic could he possibly be??
And now he was gonna have to explain it all to them… he didn't want to…. He couldn't!
B-but he had to! He had promised them, multiple times, that he would have talked to them if he wasn't feeling ok.
But this was actually ridiculous… they had been comprehensive of him in the past but, THIS?! A full grown darkener acting terrified because of a bad dream??
No. Even they had their limits.
The thing that scared him the most.
He was sure he wouldn't have been able to handle another rejection. Especially if it would have ended like the nightmare did, with them finally leaving him… oh angel… he didn't even wanna think about it…
“Batts, youse starting ta freak us out! What's wrong?” Jongler held his head, wiping away some tears that escaped from his eyes with their thumb.
Oh no, oh no, no no no no he needed to stop crying this second, he couldn't let them see him cry.
Yet, he melted into the gentle affection of Jongler petting his cheeks, only to flinch his eyes shut in embarrassment, finding himself hiding his face in their chest, cursing himself for it merely a few seconds after he did, but he couldn't help but continue to hide.
“(｡•́︿•̀｡) ” Pluey was looming over to both of them, petting his back
Jongler didn't push him off, in fact, they held him closer, “Boss… I get youse not feeling good right now. But we're here for ya, try calmin’ down a bit”
They were coddling him like a child. how fucking deplorable, humiliating.
And he was enjoying it too, part of him wanted to let go and start sobbing in their arms, part of him was desperate to hear their soft voice reassuring him that it was just a nightmare and that they loved him.
oh angel, he really was pathetic. So fucking useless, he was never the one holding, was he? he could never be the one wiping away the tears for a change?He never consoled, all he did was cry cry cry and cry about crying and making people feel bad because of him, always the burden, they said they loved him but he couldn't believe it.
When will they realize that they can just leave him? And how could he be so selfish to hope the answer is never?
Pathetic, Pathetic, Pathetic stupid dumb and Pathetic green pippins that you are and you'll always be
—
Jongler and Pluey looked at each other as they held their precious, now so fragile looking, boyfriend.
He was shaking so much. The worst part was the fact that they had no idea what had happened to him.
Pluey was hoping, from the bottom of his heart, that it wasn't because of the way he tugged him earlier. No it was too strong of a reaction for it to be just that… then again it wasn't impossible.
Pluey pulled back and took out his notebook to start writing, once he had finished he let out nudge Battat’s shoulder, while turning it to him.
(◞‸◟,) “i’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so rough on you. I didn't think I would scare you this much, I seriously really didn't mean to. What can we do to help?”
Battat immediately responded, shaking his head “no no Pluey it’s not that!”,Something in Pluey’s chest became lighter, but not completely.
Despite the response he felt the need to sign to him “you sure?”, to which Battat didn't reply.
Jongler intervened, gently coaxing the pippin away from their chest to talk to him face to face. “Then, what is it boss?”
Before he could respond a very familiar call was heard.
“OHHH MIIIKE~ WAIT, JUST ANOTHER THING-"
Jongler looked at their two partners with a sad face, they really didn’t want to leave. not like this, not right now, but they COULD make it quick. Tenna probably just needed to inform Mike of something. “listen batts, I’ll be-”
Battat immediately got up, taking the costume head with him "I'll take that.” Jongler’s eye widened in surprise, and soon panic “Wait what?! No boss, come on you cant-”
Battat’s began to leave as a second call was heard “i said. i’ll take thaaaaa-”
Jongler reached out, unfortunately, grabbing his leg to stop him made him lose his balance, faceplanting onto the floor with a loud bang.
Thank the angel he had already put on the head, that fall would have been really bad if he didn't have some padding.
“Shit!- fuck, sorry boss let me help y-” as they attempted to reach out Battat recoiled once again, putting his arm between himself and the very taken it back Zapper defensively, “boss calm down! i’s ain’ gonna hurt y-”
a loud and gloppy knock was heard from the door “MIKE?!? ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE?!?”
Tenna was right outside the door, and he sounded like he was about to burst in. “Oh! Tenna! my pal! Don't worry, I'm coming!!” Battat got up without even looking back at them and ran out while calling for Tenna, who sounded very worried too.
From outside the door they heard Tenna speak “What happened there?! Did you fall or something?”
Battat laughed nervously “oh yeah I took a little tumble, but don't worry about me! I'm a-okay, whatever did you need?”
their voices started getting more distant “geez mike! You scared me there for a second pal, anyhow I just wanted to tell…”
Their voices became more distant as he walked off with Tenna, quickly fading out. responsibility of the soundproofed room.
Jongler stood there, absolutely stunned. “Why…” They turn to look at Pluey, who was “(;ﾟﾛﾟ)” , before finishing their sentence. “...did he do that…?”
They asked simply, neither of them had any idea of course. But Jongler was looking for answers from Pluey, moving to put a hand on his shoulder, “Plue.”
“(´╹〽╹`)” He looked up at them “What were ya apologizin’ for before? What happened?”
Pluey wrote for a while, trying to remember what exactly he did to warrant what reaction.
“I was cleaning up, I didn't even notice that he had woken up until I heard him walking fast towards the door.
When i turned around and he saw me he started running faster, so I chased after him. I know I shouldn't have, that’s probably what scared him but he wasn’t stopping so I grabbed him and pulled him back inside.
I tried communicating but he was so scared he didn’t even let me take his mask off!
the only thing I thought I could do was cuddle him until he calmed down, I did that until you came back. Other than that I know as much as you do.”
Jongler finished reading and began petting his shoulder “hey don’t be silly now plue.” Pluey’s ears perked up “youse did startle him probably, but ian’ your fault he was scared like dat” they're tone shifted into something ever so slightly sadder before continuing “de way ya described it, it seems like he was scared from the beginning… ya did what ya could to calm him down, you did a good job” Pluey looked down for a few seconds before nodding.
Jongler removed their hands from his shoulders to hold him in a side hug “so…youse said ya did hear single thing from him before?” Pluey shook his head
“well somethin’ definitely scared him… otherwise he wouldn’t have reached that way… ”
Pluey made a sad face while writing “he didn’t even had breakfast”, Jongler frowned as well after reading that “how about this… lets waits for him ta come back and then we’ll all talk, in de meantime we can cook’im somethin’, will make’im feel loved, that should help we with whatever he has goin on, dont’cha think?” “(•̀ᴗ•́ )و” Pluey perked up and nodded.
They both moved to the kitchen, starting to cook, or well Pluey was the one who did most of the cooking, Jongler mostly just stood there holding things for him, talking and sometimes checking their phone for any possible message.
they had set up a Mike group chat but they didn’t use it that often. It was funny to look at honestly, just a flow of “Tenna’s coming” and “Tenna is coming to check on Mike” with usually no response or a thumbs up emoji.
a new message popped up.
“tenna is coming be quick”
Pluey turned his head to face them “yeah plue we gotta scram and quickly too it seems” thankfully Pluey was mostly done so they turned off the stovetops and hid.
There was the sound of the code being dialed in, and then Battat talking
“Well thanks for bringing me home, Tenna! but again, you really didn’t have to-”
“Oh Mike! it’s not a problem! YOU’RE always helping ME, I can help YOU sometimes!”
“Tenna, i appreciated it, but i’m doing fine really-”
They peeked to see what was going on. Tenna was standing just inside.
“Fine? FINE??” Tenna exclaimed “Mike, you jumped when Ramb passed you a glass of water! That’s not ‘FINE’!”
Battat looked down, rubbing his hands together a bit “sorry Tenna, i’m just…tired today”
Tenna’s screen was static for a few seconds before returning with his usual nervous grin, “OH THAT’S ALRIGHT MIKE! you can take some time off if you need to!” Battat was about to respond, probably declining it but Tenna shot back “Actually! tell you what? TAKE THE DAY OFF! THE WEEK OFF! THE MONTH OFF! THE Y-”
“NOOO!” “Mike groweld “I DON’T NEED A DAY OFF! I DON’T NEED ANYTHING TENNA I’M FINE! F. I. N. E. CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!”
Woh, that didn't sound like Mike at all, not even that much like Battat to be honest.
Tenna shrank down as a surprised expression covered his face, he got closer to ‘Mike’ and he put his large hand over his head, making him flinch, probably the first time he was actually justified for doing that, but Tenna was never a violent guy, he seemed genuinely worried for his friend “Mike… you really need to take the day off, you’re definitely sick”
Tenna was not wrong for thinking that, he was shivering. But Battat insisted “Tenna, I'm not sick. ”
Tenna turned away from ‘Mike’ with his hands behind his back. “well… if you really think that, but still you need some rest, I can't have my right man acting all gloppy!” he took a step and was just outside the door "i want you at your best! so stay here, I'll call if I really need you, but until then. REST.” he said that last part with that creepy smile he only did when he was pissed before closing the door behind him
Silence for maybe a minute, Battat took his mask off inhaling deeply from his nose “Okay, guys you can come out now, he’s gone.”
They came out and stood there awkwardly, without knowing what to say, it was clear Battat didn’t wanna be there. didn’t wanna talk, didn’t even wanna look them in the eyes, his were full of shame and… something else, they couldn’t quite put their finger on what it was but it wasn’t good.
The shame part wasn’t good either, they hadn’t noticed it before but he had this guilty look, full of regret.
“(•᷄ -•᷅ ᵕ)” Pluey walked closer to him, he flinched before moving to remove his bowtie and away from his partners.
“i’m fine Pluey, Tenna’s just exaggerating like always.” A muffled growling sound filled the room and Battat turned around, even more embarrassed.
“Boss, you should really eat some breakfast, Me and Plue made some of those…” they tap their fingers on the side of their face as Battat stopped dead in his attempt to remove his shoes.
Jongler continued “coffee-creeps? no um- creepess, yeah those coffee-crepst youse said ya liked da other day!”
“(ᵕ—ᴗ—)” Pluey giggled and pointed with his thumbs at the kitchen.
Battat could only let out a small “you.. didn’t have to…” while he took off his jacket, Pluey and Jongler couldn’t help but frown when they heard him… he sounded so sad and defeated…
—
They weren’t wrong, he felt terrible, the brief distance from kitchen felt immense as he allowed himself to be led, it was like he wasn’t even there, his body moving robotically as they guided him towards the warm smell, while his mind was half frozen in a shameful fight or flight and the other half was miserably trying to mask it.
Jongler sat on a chair and it took him a moment to understand he should sit down too, he unconsciously pulled his arm crossed tightly over his stomach, Pluey slid a plate in front of him before sitting down next to him as well sharing a worried glance with Jongler.
desperate to recreate a sense of normality he took a few bites, they tasted amazing, he felt so bad for the way he had to force down past the lump in his throat.
“(๑•́ ᴗ•̀) ?” Pluey smiled with a brow raised "they're really good Pluey… you are a great cook..thank you…” he still wasn't looking at either, but for them it didn't matter, he was there, he was talking, he wasn't shaking (that much) they could work with this.
They were still sitting extremely close to him,close enough to notice the bit of coffee syrup smudged on his cheek , how cute.
Pluey took a napkin and softly wiped his face.
—----
Now. Battat was feeling a lot of emotions. Too many, way too many conflicting emotions, he wasn't used to it.
All that the tender affection and care that they were showing him, that gentle smile on Pluey's face made his heart swell, for a second he even thought about kissing him, but he knew it wasn't a good idea… he couldn't allow himself to spark anymore emotions within himself, would have been irresponsible…
He felt Jongler’s hands rub his neck softly, Pluey’s touch lingered. It felt nice but wrong.
Somehow, for some reason, he felt like he shouldn't enjoy it.
Maybe it was the shame. They were being so kind and loving, they always were.
So why weren't they like that in his nightmares?
Why did he imagine them so mean, so violent, so uncaring. Those weren't Pluey and Jongler. Not the ones who were standing there, treating him with so much love, they loved him so much and that's how he repays them? Making them worry?
refusing to talk? refusing to listen? refusing to stop even after he had been stopped? having to be cradled? having to be cooked breakfast to, because otherwise he would have gone the whole morning without eating? Shivering at their contact, at Pluey simply rubbing his face, something they both knew he liked, because it reminded him of something that didn't even happen?? Something they never even did? Something they had absolutely nothing to do with???
Something he knew wasn't real and yet still scared him because he was just stupid apparently???
Loved, humiliated, fear, shame, terror, shame shame shame, he loved them, he was terrified by them, he shouldn’t be, how could he do this to them? Why did he do this to them? how could his own mind do such a thing to him? WHY DID THIS HAD TO HAPPEN?
his emotions were so much bigger than him, stirring and boiling inside his brain and threatening to spill out.
But he couldn't even let himself cry, he couldn't, because if he did, they would have asked, and if they asked he would have had to explain, EXPLAIN THAT HE WAS HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN OVER A STUPID FUCKING NIGHTMARE.
He slapped Pluey's hand away from his face just in time before it started crumbling. Hiding it in his own hands, claws painfully digging into his skull.
“Hey- Hey! Batts! BATTAT!” Jongler grabbed his hands moving them away from his face which already showed intent from it and they winced when they saw his expression.
Their voice soften as they held him close to their chest again “it’s okay… let it all out sweetheart, we’re here for ya”
that pet name…
he actually couldn’t take it anymore.
He felt Jongler’s arms squeezing him even tighter and Pluey claws coming out of his finger as they both flinched at the noise Battat produced.
he was screaming, a horrible throaty noise that quickly broke into wet gasps of air before returning, not at the same intensity only because choked with tears. He couldn't stop if he tried but in that moment he couldn't even think, his emotions were scattering his thoughts around like a violent earthquake, hitting each other in full force, each hit only creating more momentum within them, everything was too much, everything was too loud he had to scream to cover the noise in his head.
And suddenly everything became black and quiet.
He heard a few muffled notes, slowly becoming clearer
“Battat, can you hear me!?” Jongler was shaking him, Pluey was holding his head back slightly, he was laying on the ground and he was dizzy.
“uuh… wa-what?” he sounded raspy and all clogged up. Jongler and Pluey both looked extremely relieved “y-you started screaming… it was so loud i- I think ya made yourself pass out boss!”
“i…I'm sorry…” he responded, still all groggy, “no no, it's okay.”
Battat tried to get up but Pluey gestured him to sit down, all three of them sat on the floor waiting for his lightheadedness to go away.
“youse with us batts..?” Jongler asked “yeah..yeah I think I'm good…”
He really wasn't , but they needed to stop worrying.
Jongler took a deep breath, passing a hand over their head to scratch the back of it “ok boss, dis is serious, youse need ta tell us what happen’ with ya”
They sounded worried, but also tired.
Battat couldn't believe how much that small intonation of their voice was able to scare him, they were tired of this weren't they?
Before he could spiral again Jongler called his name “BATTAT.” such a stern yet worried tone, it made his heart ache.
“We’s not leaving until ya tell us what happen Batts, take all da time youse need but we are not lettin’ dis go”
This was never going to end well: either he lies, they find out, they get mad and leave him; or he tells the truth, they realize he's a lost cause and they leave him.
Might as well end it quickly.
It took all the courage in him to ignore his consciousness yelling at him about how bad of an idea this was
“nothing really happened… I just had a nightmare… that's it.” he said in a flat voice, he already anticipated what was going to happen, so he was gonna let it play out.
Jongler and Pluey sat in from him, he could understand they were sharing a look, but he couldn't interpret it.
Jongler tilted their head to the side “...come on boss? A nightmare?”
Oh this was going to hurt.
“That can't be true, come on Batts you need to tell us what really happened” Jongler spoke sincerely, Pluey too bore a worried look
Not being believed broke him more than he could have expected.
What was he supposed to do now? They were never going to believe him.
He spoke again “I-i am telling the truth…”
Jongler sighs again “no Boss, a nightmare doesn't make ya run away from us like that, a nightmare doesn’t make you react like that. Don't lie. Talk to us. Did someone hurt you while we were gone? Did something happen with Tenna?”
Battat let out an honestly pitiful whimper “i-it shouldn’t… I know it shouldn't…” he wasn't crying but his voice sounded chocked, he didn't do it on purpose but he had pushed his knee up to head, kneeling it and hiding it while holding himself in a tight self-hug, making himself as small as possible.
“Whatever happened to ya, it must have been bad Boss. if you tell us what it was we can help you”
Jongler sounded so sincerely worried, he hated it.
Battat sat there curled up in a ball, completely unresponsive, Jongler waited a minute for him to respond but he couldn’t, he had nothing to say.
“...this isn’t going to work Boss”
here it goes.
as much as he had anticipated it, he couldn’t help the way his heart dropped, a knot formed in his throat as he felt them getting up and walking away.
he heard whispering, then after a while he heard the door close, he heard nothing but the voice of his consciousness screaming, it hadn’t been the violent argument for his nightmare but Jonger might as well have beat him up to a pulp, broken all his bone, tear his skin out, because he felt so numb, so … no-there, non-existent.
He didn't know how long he stayed there, but he could feel the soreness around his face when he finally pulled his head up, to find himself staring at no one. He didn’t know what he expected but the sight was… he wasn’t sure how it made him feel, definitely not good.
he sat there, claws tapping the cold floor he needed something to focus on, Anything. He definitely didn’t want to slip back into that muffled, distant feeling from earlier, especially now that he didn’t have Pluey beside him.
Because Pluey and Jongler had left him, for real.
For real, this wasn't his dream.
The situation kept going in circles in his head, they tried to help him, they asked what’s wrong, he could have talked, explained better, they would have listened, but he couldn’t even do that, they had asked one thing, to talk, and he couldn’t even do that. Of course they grew tired of him.
The thought only made him feel worse, his tapping became more urgent, his leg started bouncing, he listened to those two rhythmic sounds trying so hard to not think about it, but he needed them so desperately.
he looked out of the corner of his eyes, almost looking for them… and froze.
“...Pluey?”
The shadow guy looked up.
“(˶◜ᵕ◝˶) ?” Pluey was sitting beside him. Just... sitting there. He wore the same gentle expression he always did, his head tilted slightly as he watched Battat.
Battat stared at him perplexed “P-Pluey? What are you doing here?” he didn’t answer, just continued to give him his smile, he had never left.
“P-pluey…” Battat said his name again and Pluey simply raised an eyebrow and signed “yes?”
Battat reached out for him, something cracking within him “ p-p-pluey please…please please” he inhaled sharply, hands tugging on his shirt.
“DON'T LEAVE ME” he basically jumped into Pluey’s arms, holding on to his shoulders like he was going to leave, Pluey’s hands immediately wrapped around him, one circling his back and the other cradling his head, Battat pulled himself forward holding Pluey like he genuinely thought he was going to vanish into thin air at every moment.
But Pluey stayed, his cold cheek nuzzling into Battat’s, taking in deep and long breaths, maybe to calm himself down or maybe to get Battat to do the same, he didn't know.
Through the tremors Battat could also feel what felt like lips, no Pluey wasn't kissing him, but his mouth was definitely moving, maybe he was trying to hum again? He heard him gulp and then take a deep breath through his nose while he came closer to his ear.
“I…love you… Battat.”
Quiet, slow, with a thick accent he couldn’t quite figure out the origins, the words were a bit slurred together, he could even make out faint musical notes when he pronounced the “v” in “love”.
Battat knew Shadow guys could technically speak, they do scream after all, but he also knew it was incredibly difficult for them, and Pluey barely even communicated through his music!
His breath caught for a moment “y-you love me?” What a stupid question, but Pluey nodded “and…you won't leave me?” it felt awkward asking, like if he was some annoying, needy partner and when Pluey pulled back he actually thought he said something wrong, Pluey retracted just enough so that Battat could see his hand as he signed “never” before diving back into holding him tightly.
“I-i’m sorry Pluey… I, I really don't understand, what's, what is wrong with me today…”
Pluey simply continued hugging him, the palm of his hand tenderly rubbing one of the flat sides of his dice shaped head, his thumb tracing up and down the ridges of it, carefully, slowly, coaxing him into calming down.
And slowly, it worked, Battat let himself get held, he let almost his entire defense down. Pluey's other hand was busy writing, Battat only realised it when he felt the note book nudge his side as it was being held up
“Battat, you are scared, and believe me when I tell you I know how terrible it feels, but I'm here for you, Jongler is here too, they’re in the other room, they wanted to give you some space, if you want I can call them.
I won't force you to tell me what happened if you don't want to, but I would really like to know, this isn’t normal and you don’t deserve to suffer in silence like this. I know this is hard for you but please, if you can, talk to us, tell us at least what we can do to help”
Battat looked at the message, fear making its way up his back again, of course, of course they still didn’t believe him.
“i-i understand why you don’t believe me… but it’s true… it really was j-just a nightmare…”
Pluey gave him an incredulous look.
“I know!” Battat blurted out “YOU REALLY THINK I DON’T KNOW HOW RIDICULOUS THAT IS?!”
Pluey looked taken back, Battat chuckled a bit, at himself “You think I don't realize how childish that is…? oh, don't worry Plue I do…”
Pluey pressed both hands on his shoulders before letting him spiral again.
Then he nodded vigorously, placing a hand on his own chest while breathing deeply, Battat thankfully got the message and began taking deep breaths.
The relative silence was broken by the creek of the door, Jongler peeked in very carefully and seemed a bit embarrassed when they were immediately noticed “uh, I just… I heard ya shout, I wanted ta see if youse doin okay…” they said with a guilty tone.
“I- i can leave if ya want! No worries-” They tried to say but Battat’s immediate shake and Pluey’s grabby hands shut them up, they walked closer and kneel back down “I’s… I didn't mean ta push ya so hard dat… you’d shutdowns, so sorry for reals boss…”
Battat genuinely didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know if Pluey really believed him, he didn’t know if Jongler would ever believe him, he didn't want to beg them, he wanted all of this to just end, it sucked being in this position, he hated it, he hated even more how the moment Jongler enter the room he felt the knot in his throat grow so big it blocked his speech, why was he so… what, afraid? Is that what he was feeling?
“w-waits, ‘bout the nightmar’ thing…?” Jongler said, stunned, they were looking down at Pluey’s notebook before turning their head to look at Battat, who was still being held by one of Pluey’s arms, as Pluey's other arm was holding said notebook.
“oh… oh Angel… Boss i’m, uh, i’m sorry… i just” Jongler started stammering, looking embarrassed, Battat couldn’t help but think that must have been second hand embarrassment, which of course mortified him even more.
“we’s just so scarred by how ya acted, i’s assumed someone had hurt ya! i’s, um… i shouldn’t have call ya a lair… i’m sorry…” they reached for Battat’s free hand “but…um… just… uh, what, the heck, did ya dream? to make ya so scared? like dat we were out ta kill ya or somethin’?”
Battat took a deep breath “l-listen… It's stupid, ok? you don’t wanna know…” but Jongler gently squeezed his hand “youse sure ya don’t wanna talk ‘bout it? ‘cause youse given’ me dat look, like, ta one you get when ya really want ta tell us somethin’ ”
oh Jongler could read him like an open book, or maybe it was obvious, how could he have known? Well, anyhow they didn’t look like they were letting go anytime soon… and his desperate need for comfort was starting to win over his shame… The tears he had been able to hold back until now were starting to tickle in the corners of his eyes.
“we… had an argument. In my dream I mean. we just started yelling at eachother…” he was starting feel a weird pressure in his chest while he explained “you two were saying stuff like… like that you were tired of me, that i was just dragging you down… and then, well i don’t really remember why but…” he started sniffing, he didn’t want to say it in front of them with so much emotions behind it, but he couldn’t help himself “y-you started punching me, you thrown me into the wall, i-i fell and you started k-kicking me…” he was trying so hard not to burst out sobbing, to try and talk normally “t-t-then you started pa-packing your thing… I was begging you b-but… you left me anyway” he had to gasp for air “....w-when i wo- wo- woke up-” his mouth quivered so hard he couldn’t even articulate, the two seemed to have understood because Jongler continued for him “...youse thought it was for reals?” he could only nod, he was using all his energy right now to not cry “i-i-i’m s-sorry, i really, just” he hiccups while trying to look at them but genuinely couldn’t bear it.
Jongler and Pluey both looked absolutely shocked, Pluey’s hold on Battat had loosened so much that his arm completely let go of his body.
Both were just staring at him, “Youse thought it was for real?” Jongler repeated themself again, and Battat thought he couldn’t just nod again for some reason “yes…” he managed to choke out, “like, ya thought we actually… did all dat?” they asked again, “for a while yes…” he thought of correcting himself immediately after he saw their vision shot open “i-i mean! it didn’t take me that long to… you know… find out!” Battat tried to smile to show them that it was okay and (probably) not as bad as they thought, it didn’t land at all tho.
A few quiet, questioning tones came out from Pluey’s mouth, who along with his head was sunken down as if trying to make himself look smaller,his pointer finger directed at his own chest. Battat’s stomach twisted at the sight “Pluey?” he asked and in mere seconds Pluey took his notebook and wrote “when I chased you, you thought I wanted to hurt you?” He couldn't lie “yes…b-but- it’s not…” he couldn’t lie like this to him, Pluey would have known and it would have only made him feel worse.
“i’m sorry-”
“no, boss” Jongler spoke softly but cutting his speech “please don’t ya start taking da blame for dis…” they reached very carefully for his hand again ”i’s… titans i’s can't even…well now i’s understand why youse so worked up…” when Battat made no attempts to grab it they lowered it.
“Listen, I know it didn't really happen okay?” Battat stated, silence hung over the room again.
“But youse still afraid ” Jongler quietly added, they didn’t sound mad or disappointed, just really sad. Battat didn’t want this.
“i’m okay.” he tried to reassure, as if he didn’t just cry, run away, scream until he passed out, shut down, and cry again, all over nothing.
Why couldn’t he just be normal? Why couldn’t his brain just stop doing this to him?
It took him a moment to notice Jongler’s hand hovering over his cheek, and he flinched slightly only to immediately nod to give his consent, that big warm glove pressed against his skin “...no you ain't…” Jongler whispered gently, “...‘nd it’s alrigh’,ya know?...”
Battat looked up at them, weird emotions stirring up in him again.
“I…I know…”
“If ya know, why youse bein such a dummy ‘bout it…?”
A hint of a smile formed on his face at the teasing word, still too buried in the impossible belief that they may sincerely think he’s dumb to let cover his whole face.
he felt a light tap on his shoulder, Pluey held up his notebook
“ (｡•́︿•̀｡) " "darling, i’m very worried about you, i know you have no control over dreams but there must be a reason why your brain came up with such a horrible thing!
Is it because I have guns? I can stop carrying them around if it helps you feel more secure.
Did Tenna say something to you? the other pippins? you know you don’t have to go around alone, i can be with you, even when you’re Mike if it makes you feel safer.
Also, is it okay to touch you? i didn’t ask before, i’m sorry”
The other two stared at the page, possibly because of the final line, or maybe because they could tell Battat was beginning to feel uneasy, Jongler let their hand softly and naturally slip off of his face.
“no… no it wasn’t that” Battat responded a second to late, sounding tense, Pluey tilted his head, “it wasn’t your guns, you… never made me feel unsafe…” he looked towards Jongler whose hand was resting on their own thigh, he was already missing the warmth on his cheek “neither have you…” Pluey’s expression softened hearing that, Jongler didn’t respond immediately, their expression was hard to read (not like it was ever easy to).
“but…” they turn their head around facing away from their partners for a moment, looking almost restrained, “what?” asked Battat, and still without looking they spoke in a low rumble “youse aren’t… just afraid of us hurtin’ ya” they said it very carefully, “youse…afraid that we’d leave ya?” The phrase turned from a statement into a question at the last moment. There it was, the thing he was trying to avoid like the plague, Jongler and Pluey noticed immediately the way his claws pushed into both of his palms after they asked that.
“( óᯅò) !!” Pluey unconsciously sang out a few very worried notes, reaching for his hand but stopping a few centimeters away, Battat immediately unclutched his fist and took his hand.
he didn’t want to talk about it, he really didn’t, but he was being dramatic he thought, so he spoke, with a small voice he confessed “sometimes…” Pluey’s hand gently squeezed his as a deeply saddened expression fell upon his face, Jongler too looked almost heart broken, it takes both of them a few seconds to fully process this new information.
“why…?” Jongler asked, Battat couldn't ‘I don't know’ or ‘i don’t wanna talk about it’ his way out of this, he had no choice.
His hand held Pluey's tighter “it’s just that… I know I'm unlikeable.” he took a deep breath to steady himself “i’m trying to do better but i know i keep messing up, you know, i get mad, i say terrible things to you guys all the time… a-and, you two just, stay?” the two just stayed still, still listening “i… i don’t know why you do that…like, i’ve thought about it okay?! I bring nothing to the table! nothing good!” he was starting to sound more agitated, almost like when he was explaining one of theories, Pluey's thumb started caressing his knuckle, trying to calm him down in some way.
“No you don’t get it! I've thought about it a lot! it just doesn’t make any sense! WHY WOULD YOU LOVE ME?? like, maybe i’m good with organising stuff but Plue is good at that too, so why do you need me?? What do you see in me?!-” Pluey looked frantically at Jongler whose hand was holding on to their chest, looking as horrified as he was.
“-the only way it makes sense is if you both had a small crush on me and took it too far!” he said, releasing Pluey’s hand to start gesturing
“Like, maybe you two loved each other, and you both developed a crush on me for, some reason! and you thought it would have been a good idea to start this relationship-”
“boss-” jongler tried to cut him off but it didn’t work
“you two probably fell out of whatever love you had for me AGES AGO! AND JUST HAVEN’T FIGURED IT OUT YET!”
“Battat, please-” that shut him up for some reason “youse workin’ ya self into a frenzy again! just… just breathe with me alright?" they started breathing slower, Pluey followed, Battat was last, honestly all three of them needed to calm down.
When neither of the three were hyperventilating anymore, Jongler spoke “Batts…non of what youse saying makes any sense, it’s not like…” they stopped, looking Battat in the eyes and slowly reaching out to hold his face, when they did, they immediately noticed how tense his muscles were, beginning to gently massage his jaw.
they didn’t make him maintain eye contact but they made sure he listened when they finally decided on what to say “there ain’ a reason’ why we love youse, we just do…it’s all feelings, ya know? cant really put dat into words, at least a can’t”
Battat stared at them, he was a fucking idiot, of course their reasoning would have been something as simple as this and yet he had scrapped that idea immediately during his theorizing, foolish… but probably not his fault was it?
and after all the hours and headaches and emotional distress of this morning, that, something so simple was gonna be the thing to calm him down?
Pluey slowly moved in front of him, holding up his note book so that he and Jongler could read it.
“(°¯◠¯ ) !” “ You don’t have to bring anything to the table! There is no table! You keep acting like you’re supposed to earn our love, but you don’t.
honestly now it makes sense why you had a nightmare like that, for how long and how many times have you been worrying about this?”
he pointed to next paragraph, to emphasize it “Battsy we are not going anywhere, and we are absolutely not going to break up without talking about it first, and i do mean talking, if we argue that’s not talking, no import decision will be made when we are angry at each other, that also applies to you too of course.”
Battat looked up at him after he finished, he opened his mouth but he couldn't really say anything especially when Pluey flipped to a new page and started writing.
“i don’t expect you to just be fine now, this goes deeper and unfortunately we can’t really prove that we love you if not by simply loving you, and you are just going to have to trust us on that. trust that we love you, because we do, and well if i love you, and Jongler loves you then I think that’s enough evidence to say that you are a good and loveable person, you have to trust that too.
you’re fantastic and i love you ❤︎”
Battat’s eyes began to water again “jeez you guys are sappy!”
“ദ്ദി˙∇˙)ว” Pluey enthusiastically nodded, “aw there’s ma Battsy!” Jongler added cradling his face.
Battat growled a bit trying to hide the smile on his face, only for a moment, then he let it crack open, that big, green and creepy smile. Jongler kept holding him, a hint of blush from seeing him finally… well maybe not happy, but definitely more relaxed “there ya go…i’s love it when youse smile boss..” that dreamy tone made Battat's eyes become wider, he looked down “d-don’t say that while i’m still like this you big clod!
Jongler let out a soft laugh, their thumb brushing over Battat’s cheek “why not?” Battat mumbled something incomprehensible before murmuring “Surely you don't want to see me crying again do you?” Jongler gave him a look “boss, Tenna gave Mike da day off remember? you can stay cryin’ in my arm all the time youse need.”
He thought about arguing, he thought about holding back the tears, but he was tired, so tired of pretending for no good reason. his shoulders sagged and tears started rolling off his cheek bones, Jongler wiped them away with their thumb before they could reach his chin. Pluey moved closer too, hugging him from behind.
So they did, they stayed there for probably another good 15 minutes letting him finally get a cry, then they took it slow, helping him adjust and recover. Tenna did end up calling for Mike (he was his right man after all) and seemed very glad to see him alright.
Battat knew he wasn’t healed from… whatever the hell that thing he had was.
That thing, that made him think that everyone would eventually get tired of him, but at least he knew he just had to trust that they wouldn’t.That was a good start.