Chapter Text
in the "what the HELL is happening in Marley!?" group chat:
reiner is online.
reiner:
good morning everyone
feeling very refreshed today
porco, annie, and pieck are online.
porco:
aaaand my day is ruined
➤ reiner: good morning everyone
annie: just looking at this message made me mad
go back to sleep, its too early for ts
pieck:
falco is online, gabi is online.
falco: dang
did i miss something
WHAT did mr braun do to deserve this?? 😭
the chat just started guys
zeke is online.
zeke:
Now guys
Lets be nice this morning
Today is indeed a refreshing day!
gabi: wow unc keeping up with the trends
zeke howd u get that picture
➤ pieck:
porco: WHAT IS REINER DOING THERE
the dude nobody invited
➤ zeke: Lets be nice this morning
reiner: at least SOMEONE defended me
thanks zeke
zeke: 👍
and also gabi
im not that old
im only 29
gabi: twenty nine hundred
porco: oh my god 😭
pieck: dang zeke 😭😭😭
u are pushing 30 though
zeke: that isnt old guys 💔
➤ reiner: at least SOMEONE defended me
falco: um excuse me
i defended u too mr braun
or at least i tried
gabi: he tryna ignore u falco 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 im crine
falco: oh :((((
reiner: ACTUALLY
i didnt see his message gabs
sorry falco
falco: ur all good dont worry!
udo is online, zofia is online.
udo: Mr. Braun was probably busy wiping his tears due to all of the hatred in this group.
Give him a break guys 💔
porco:
pieck: pocky
porco: SHUSH
zofia: dang who peed in ur cereal
mad for no reason
what did the world do to u mr galliard
porco: the world is a cruel place, zofi.
reiner: u sound like mikasa
porco: who?
oh wait nevermind
thats ackermans cousin right
reiner: yup
pieck: aww
you guys are bonding 🥹
but now that ur quiet
u should really chill on reiner
give him a chance
he really isnt that bad
➤ pieck: aww
you guys are bonding
porco: oh no please pieck
dont do this to me
➤ pieck: give him a chance
porco: i try
i really do but
have we been around the same reiner???
pieck: id hope so??
reiner: stay off my meat pock boy
annie: so
anyone saw that
or
porco: saw what
REINER
WHAT did u unsend armored ass
gabi: ARMORED ASS LMAOOOOOOO
mr galliards nicknames r so funny hehe
colt is online.
colt: Hello everyone!
What's going on? And why is everyone mad???
zeke: Ah, a fresh breath of air
Good morning Colt!
colt: Greetings Mr. Yeager! Good morning to you also.
➤ colt: What's going on? And why is everyone mad???
falco: ask mr galliard
im just as confused as u brother
colt: Oh
Welp anyway
Just wanted to drop in and say training is starting in about 45 minutes!
zeke: Wow
You see
THIS is how we are supposed to use this group.
Amazing job Colt.
colt: Thanks!
Im currently eating some toast rn
Its pretty good
Probably cause im REAL hungry
gabi: oooo
pack me some colt
falco: now gabs
u have bread at your house
AND a toaster
And plus the bread will get cold and hard by the time we get there
gabi: SIGHHH...
its fine, ill just... idk
STARVE.
colt: 🌚
Ill pack you some gummies for a snack
You too Falco, Udo, and Zofia.
That enough?
zofia: YES
thank you colt
udo: ^
falco: im getting two packs
cause yk
im ur brother and everything 😋
colt: Yeah yeah
Your welcome guys
➤ porco: WHAT did u unsend armored ass
reiner: this has to be considered harassment
stop immediately or im reporting u to commander mageth
AND
telling bertholdt
annie: WHAT IS BERTL GONNA DO?????
reiner: STOP IT ANNIE 😭
i wasnt even talking to you
with ur messy ass
pieck: speaking of bert
where is he
udo: He's probably sleeping
Knowing him
➤ udo: He's probably sleeping
zeke: I can confirm.
reiner: damn he isn't even in his own room???
he must've been real sleepy
udo: Why is he posing as if he is getting arrested
"This is America" ahh pose
gabi: HAHAHAH
thats mean i feel bad
#justiceforbertholdt
annie: where r his socks
why is he just
barefoot
pieck: why are you staring?
notice how NO ONE brought up his frog feet
but YOU
zofia: bertholdt slander at an all time high
➤ pieck: notice how NO ONE brought up his frog feet
colt: When they're slandering the goat but their lowkey right
➤ annie: WHAT IS BERTL GONNA DO?????
porco: tbf, he is THE colossal titan
he could beat my ass any day
BUT
ik he wouldn't
cs we cool
@bertholdt can confirm this
right bert
reiner: bruh
u dont know bertl like that boi 🤣🫱
gabi: rei
ik u didnt just say boi
rei
TELL ME MY EYES R DECEIVING ME
PLEASEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭
pieck: omg
no wonder pock hates on u 24/7
please reiner, its not too late to delete that message.
zofia: ms finger
its been like 3 minutes i think??
ITS TOO LATE 😭😭😭
pieck: well dang
porco: this is what happens when bertholdt is gone for a couple of hours
@bertholdt PLEASE WAKE UP
WE NEED YOU
or more so i do
BUT STILL 😭😭😭
zeke: You all should take some chill pills
Goodness!
falco: well i mean
same person who crashes out because he cant beat mr ackerman in a fight
but hey!
zeke: Just thinking about that shortie...
*growls*
udo: HELPPP???
zofia: ????
colt: Oh
So we're roleplaying now?
pieck: the yaoi in him escaped
me when yelena
annie: aaaand im out ✌
see u guys at training ig
not looking forward to it
annie is offilne.
bertholdt is online.
bertholdt has pinged annie.
reiner: when the world needed him the most...
good morning bertl :)
bertholdt: well hello everyone
i see we have had a rough morning huh
reiner: yes dada
porco sent one attachment.
gabi: EWWWW rei
stop saying nasty stuff about mr hoover
there are CHILDREN in here
porco: EEEYUCKKK
reiner:
gabi u werent supossed to see that 💔
and porco i see you're in ur homophobic phase!!!
porco: im not homophoibic
homophobic
reiner: so homophobic u couldn't even spell it on the first try
really porco
in 2026
pieck: 😭😭😭
porco STAND UP
colt: Why is everyone jumping on poor Porcos back today
porco: bruh
ik right
➤ bertholdt: i see we have had a rough morning huh
bertholdt: i swear i woke up a few minutes ago and the gc looks like this
annie is online.
annie: omg finally ur awake
but ur so real for this ngl
whole group just mad asf
porco: ur one to talk
u were mad asf too
in fact
ur ALWAYS mad
annie:
zofia: OH MY GODDD
IVE GOTTA SAVE THIS
IM CRYING
zofia saved one attachment.
falco: LOL
reiner: THIS JUST FRIED ME
ANNIE TAKE A NAP RN
bertholdt: LMAOOOO
porco stand up
dont let her do this to you man
porco: ykw
its all good
at the end of the day, annies a female
i wouldn't be rude to her
an she doesn't do anything to me anyway so
➤ porco: at the end of the day, annies a female
reiner: well she dont look like one
reiner: i mean period king
porco: at the end of the day, annies a female
udo: true feminist
#respect 🗿
annie: reiner what did u just unsend
did anyone see
bertholdt: he said u look like a man
bertholdt sent an attachment.
reiner: OMG
BERTL
WHYYY
u aint my frennn...
u is my enemyyy...
falco: mr braun u should apologize
gabi: ^
udo: ^
zofia: ^
porco: nah don't apologize
i wanna see u get fussed at by annie
wait lemme do a poll rq
pieck: oh god
porco created a poll.
should reiner apologize or should annie fuss at him?
apologize - 7
chosen by reiner, falco, bertholdt,
udo, zofia, colt, and annie.
fuss - 4
chosen by porco, pieck,
zeke and gabi.
bertholdt: reiner ur vote doesn't count
but either way apologize won
reiner: gabi how ru gonna say i should say sorry
and yet
u voted to get me fussed at 💔
gabi: i felt a little
mischievous
annie: i dont need an apology nor do i want to fuss
its too early for this crap
porco: ur better than me
i would of swung at him
zofia: porco after attempting to fight reiner
bertholdt: THIS IS SO MEANNN
bro i would hate to be porco rn
reiner:
pieck: OMG
porco wasnt aware that everyone was going to play in his face today
udo: Now I understand why Galliard thinks some of you guys are annoying
I feel bad
zeke: He just needs a cold beer and some potato chips
That'll calm his nerves.
And maybe a cig too.
porco: ik thats right
especially the chips
➤ zeke: *growls*
falco: i just scrolled up in the gc
why did we move on from this so quick
zeke: *stays quiet*
porco: what is ur problem zeke
but anyway
since u wanna play with me reiner
lookie here
gabi: WHO TF
genuinely who edited this
pieck: wait pock im confused
are u telling us u want reiner to dm u or????
porco: OH HELL
NOOOO
look at the picture pieck
he looks a mess
annie: the edited stubble is killing me
im a mess mess mess
➤ porco: look at the picture pieck
pieck: ohhhh my bad
falco: has his eyebrows always been this thin?
or
zeke: Yes
reiner: no
my eyebrows arent THAT thin anymore
see
udo: Sometimes I cant believe you're 21
Mr. Hoover and Ms. Leonhart look WAY younger
I hope you dont take this as an insult
bertholdt: them eyebrows thick like his ass cheeks ngl
➤ udo: I hope you dont take this as an insult
reiner: dont worry
i get that A TON
even from my own mother 💔
gabi:
colt:
porco:
pieck:
zeke:
udo:
zofia:
reiner: excuse me??
u deleted that HELLA slow bertl 😭😭😭😭😭
annie sent an attachment.
bertholdt: hey
whos bertholdt??
i didnt write that
hey
we should get to training
bertholdt is offline.
annie: mind you
reiners eyebrows arent even thick
WHAT is bertl on abt
porco:
he is right about one thing
we gotta go to training
zofia: i dont wanna go
udo: same here
gabi: WELL SUCK IT UP
WE are going to training
falco:
as much as i dont wanna go
at least i get to hang around you guys :)
gabi: hey falco
stop being corny
colt: You tried Falco, you tried.
But anyways, im hoping to see you all in a little while!
porco: me too
when we get back from training
im pulling up old pictures off everyone in this gc
be ready.
colt and porco are offline.
reiner: dude
annie is offline.
falco, gabi, udo, zofia,
reiner, and zeke are offline.