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THE SCENE is represented in black and white. A simple wooden chair stands in front of a deep black background. The surface of a table cuts into the frame from the bottom edge of the video. A MAN enters the scene, his hand reaching for the backrest of the chair before he chooses to sit down. He fixes his hair at the sides with a brush of his fingers, then awkwardly smiles into the camera.
THE MAN appears well-groomed, his hair slightly ruffled on the top of his head, split bangs revealing a bit of his forehead. A mole sits above the corner of his mouth, and when he smiles his front teeth poke out just a notch, making him somewhat bunny-like. He appears to be wearing a light t-shirt with double stripes, supposedly in color. The sleeves seem a little tight around his upper arms. A silver chain hangs from his neck, attached to it is a small, round pendant.
THE SCENE cuts to black, then seems to be showing the same setting as prior. Except now, another MAN enters the scene. He does not hesitate before sitting down and avoids looking at the camera altogether. THE MAN wears a pinstripe shirt beneath a darker sweater vest, seemingly put well-together. His glasses are large, the rims thin and black. His hair is combed neatly behind his ears, a small arrangement of waves pulling across the side of his forehead.
THE MANās jaw appears to be tightly clenched, and as he places his hands flat on the table, there seems to be a slim, faded tan line on his left ring finger.
The camera cuts back to the FIRST MAN, whose index fingers are tapping against the edge of the table. He looks up, his gaze drifting past the camera, before he looks directly into the lens, inhaling a deep breath.
MAN #1: Hello. Iām, uh, Will. [smiles] Iām 37 years old, and I currently live in New York, where I work as an assistant museum curator. [looks behind the camera] Is that all? [pauses, nods, looks back at the lens] I have a dog called [laughs nervously] Ziggy. I, uh, like alternative music and reading.
[Weāre looking at THE OTHER MAN now,] whose brows are tightly knit together as he looks past the camera. He keeps his eyes fixed there, even when he starts talking.
MAN #2: Iām Mike. I live in New Jersey and teach English Literature and Creative Writing at Princeton. [seems to trail off for a moment] I guess I like reading. World of Warcraft. Grading papers in my free time. [shrugs] Thatās it.
WILL: [breathy] Whoa. [looks at the table, hums] Not really, I donāt think.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you want to elaborate on that?
WILL: [shrugs] Not really. [breathy chuckle] I like my job. Itās just not what I wanted to do. [looks straight at camera, appearing thoughtful] I think I just gave up on my dreams one day and settled for a normal adult life.
[The camera cuts, andā¦]
MIKE: [sarcastic] Yeah, I (bleep)ing love being divorced and miserable. [clears throat] Sorry. No, not really. I had different plans. [huffs a laugh] Reality is harsh.
MIKE: [first proper look at the lens] You tell me. My friends think Iām a [makes air quotes] broody motherf(bleep) and clearly have a story to tell. They signed me up.
INTERVIEWER (off-camera): This is voluntary. You couldāve said no.
MIKE: [glaring past the camera] You havenāt seen my friends. [dry laugh] Dunno, itās been a while since I talked about all that. Maybe itāll be good.
[The camera cuts to WILL]
WILL: Because I miss someone and want to talk about it. [tilts his head, seeming a little confused] Thatās the whole purpose, no?
WILL: Mike. [following quickly] He was my childhood best friend. It lasted all the way through college. And then it justā¦ [sighs] Fell apart.
[The camera switches to MIKE,] who seems thoughtful.
MIKE: He was my best friend. Will. Some (bleep)ed up (bleep) happened, but I always thought we were inseparable. [scoffs] Well, I guess not.
MIKE: [laughs weakly] Oh, weāre doing the whole thing? [shakes head, features a little softer now] We go way back. We met at kindergarten, age five. I was a pretty talkative kid, and he was swinging on his own. I just walked up to him and asked if he wanted to be friends. He nodded and it was sealed. [looking a little baffled] Itās so (bleep)ing easy for children, holy (bleep).
[The camera briefly fades to black before we see WILL again, who is smiling softly]
WILL: [smiles] Kindergarten. I didnāt really have friends. I was a weird, quiet kid. [shrugs] Mike seemed to have seen something no one else did. I was on the swing set, alone, and he came up to me and asked if I wanted to be his friend. [huffs a laugh] I didnāt even say yes, I just nodded. But yeah. Kindergarten.
WILL: It was a friendship. [chuckles] A really, really good friendship. Our moms organized all these playdates and sleepovers, and hangouts on the weekends. We were a small group of kids at some point, and once we were old enough we had this typical, rural-Indiana childhood, where you play out in the streets until sunset. [sighs, briefly gets lost in thought] Mike and I were closer, though. Dunno, itās hard to put my finger on thirty years later, but we always had that connection.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Like what?
WILL: I donāt know. He justā [hums] Mike just understood me. I didnāt talk much for a very long time, and with him I didnāt need to. He did all the talking, noticed when something bothered me or when I wasnāt doing well. Even when we were still very, very young, he kind of just saw me. [crinkles his nose, his voice softening] And when the bullying startedā¦ Well, we were all kind of in the same boat. But he stood up for me more than for himself. [looks at the camera] How many years are we talking?
[The camera cuts back to MIKE,] who immediately furrows his brows when he hears the question.
MIKE: Youāll have to be more specific.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Letās say until you were ten.
MIKE: [nods, his face relaxing] It was great. I mean, besides the bullying thatāll naturally happen to a small gang of nerds in bumf(bleep) Indiana. The basement of my house turned into our second home. Board games, movie nights, eventually D&D. There was [flails a hand around] all this science club stuff, too. Like really crappy robots or experiments with potatoes. [chuckles] Will and I spent the most time with each other, though.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Because of your parents?
MIKE:[looks at her behind the camera] Oh, no. We were a (bleep)ing tag team. [smiles] The others could meet without us, but not with one of us individually. Where Will went, I went. Where I went, Will went. We were absolutely inseparable. It was nice, you know? [gaze drifts to the ceiling] We shared hobbies, had a crazy amount of sleepovers, sometimes even on weekdays. [looks back at interviewer] Is that enough?
MIKE: Well, (bleep) me. [takes a deep breath] We had to stop being kids very quickly. I donāt like to think about all the (bleep) that happened back then. Will wasnāt reallyā¦ good for a very long time. I tried to be there as much as I could, but I was just a kid myself. There was a time when I legitimately thought he died, so that was (bleep)ing scary. [deep breath] We were still friends, but I donāt particularly think I was a good friend. Will was dealing withā¦ stuff. I mean, all of us were going through a bad time. And I had my first girlfriend, we went through puberty, all while dealing with some pretty (bleep)ed up (bleep).
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you want to elaborate on that?
MIKE: [shakes his head] If Iād do that, Iād be dead meat by tomorrow morning. But I can say that it all was pretty traumatic and neither of us got out of there unharmed. Will had to move to California for a while, and that kinda sucked. I was an especially bad friend during that time. [sighs] Probably shouldāve checked in on him more. I mean, not all of our teens were bad. But most of it.
[Weāre seeing WILL again,] slumping back in his chair.
WILL: Oof. [rubs a hand over his face] Where do I even start? [takes a deep breath] I was kidnapped when I was 11. Went missing for a few days. The whole town thought I was dead. I wasnāt, if thatās not obvious. [scratches the back of his neck] Bad stuff kept happening. I was doing pretty badly through the years. Mike was there, though. Especially after I came back, when I was dealing with some pretty bad (bleep). [looks behind camera] Wait, am I allowed to swear?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Weāre bleeping.
WILL:[nods] Mike slept on the floor next to my bed. He slept in an armchair next to my hospital bed. I think he even skipped school so he could stay with me. I had a couple of really bad episodes, and he really cared for me. We were 13, I donāt know why his parents allowed all that. But Iām sure that messed with him, too. [hums, thoughtfully stares at the table] We never talked about what it did to him. [blinks rapidly, snaps out of it] We had a pretty rough patch when I had to move to Cali for a while. He wasnāt exactly a good friend, and I wasā¦ 15 and struggling with a bunch of complicated feelings.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Complicated feelings?
WILL: [slings an arm around himself, still staring at the table] Yeah. I was in love with him. [shakes his head] I mean, I knew that sooner. But I think the distance made it harder. And the fact that my sister was his girlfriend and got all these letters, while I considered myself lucky if I got a call every few weeksā¦ Itāsā [looks at the interviewer behind the camera] It was weird. But we moved back eventually and, wellā¦ My family lived with his for a while, then. We got much closer again.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: No feelings attached?
WILL: [laughs] Many feelings attached. I donāt think he ever knew, though. I came out eventually, and he was very accepting of that. Had a whole friends-no-thanks-best-friends conversation after he apologized for being a dick. Is dick getting bleeped?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: No.
WILL: You know, a bunch of bad stuff happened. And for a while, neither of us made an effort. I donāt want to put the blame on just Mike. [gets a little teary-eyed] I was still very weird, and the bullying got so much worse after I went missing. Kids can be brutal. But Mike never made me feel like I was out of place. He made me feel like my weirdness made me better instead of worse. And that feeling immediately picked back up after that whole Cali thing. [wipes at his eyes] I didnāt have to worry about being weird around him. I could just be myself.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Minus the feelings.
WILL: [nods, raises his brows] Minus the feelings.
WILL: It was liberating to finally get out of Indiana. But college was weird, at first. Mike went to Princeton, I went to NYU. We applied to the same universities, but I didnāt make the cut for Princeton, and it wouldāve been dumb for Mike to pass on the opportunity. [shrugs] He wanted to be a writer, it was the best place for him. We saw each other every weekend. It was only an hour by train, so we spent a lot of time going back and forth. My roommate often visited his family on the weekends, so Mike came and slept in his bed, and weād eat shitty takeaway while watching a movie. [smiles fondly, blinks at the table] We managed.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: No feelings attached?
WILL: [hides his face in his hands] Youāre not letting me live that down, huh? [looks back up, past the camera] Still many feelings attached. Worse than ever. [smiles] In terms of that, college was pretty bad. I slept around a lot because, well, I was no longer the only gay guy in a small town and really wanted to get out there. Butā¦ that didnāt really help me move on. [huffs a little breath] Even when I had my first boyfriend, I was likeā¦ [gestures at the table] Okay, not Mike, but he has dark curls and brown eyes. Good enough.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Jesus Christ.
WILL: [cackles] You asked. But, you know, it was fine. [rolls his eyes] I wasnāt, like, super dramatic about it. We were young, wild, free, close enough to regularly spend time with each other, and that was good. We went to parties, got drunk with each other, and still shared interests. Bookstores, comic shops, movies, all that. We had a good time. And even when we both were in relationships at some point, this time we made an effort.
[The camera fades to Mike,] who smiles as he fumbles with the sleeves of his shirt.
MIKE: Well, most importantly, college wasnāt (bleep)ing Hawkins. But it took some time to adjust. Our friend group was kinda scattered. One of them went to MIT, two to Stanford. I went to Princeton, and Will ended up at NYU. [sighs] He didnāt get into Princeton and I told him Iād be more than fine with going to NYU, but I guess he believed in me more than I did. He insisted on me taking that massive opportunity. [shrugs, looks past the camera] It was pretty cool, though. And we did see each other every weekend. I slept in his roommateās bed, we hung out doing nerdy stuff, went to parties, and had so much greasy food that I needed to detox after those weekends. We both messed around for a while, and it was nice to see Will grow more confident in who he was.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Messed around with each other?
MIKE: [frowns at her] No. [shakes his head] Anyway, it was nice to see him grow into himself. He was also pretty funny when drunk. [chuckles] Very affectionate andā¦ pouty. We both started dating around Junior year. Like, actual relationships. I got with Felicity, who [wiggles his hand toward the camera, revealing the faded line on his ring finger] is now my ex-wife, and Will started dating Chris. God, I hated that guy. [says nothing for a whole while]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Why was that?
MIKE: [shrugs, shakes his head] He was actually pretty decent, treated Will nicely. He remembered his favorite flowers, brought him coffee to the art room, and took him out to dinner every Wednesday. [goes silent again]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: But?
MIKE: [clenches his jaw, his gaze meeting the table] He wasnāt me. [winces, pushes his glasses back into his hair, pinches the bridge of his nose] I donāt know what kind of (bleep)ed up (bleep)ery happened to my head, okay? One day I just looked at Will and everything inside of me went [drops his hand, punches his index finger loudly against the table several times] this one. Except this one was my best friend, and he was a guy, and I spent months wondering whether you can just develop a crush on someone overnight if youāve known them for almost twenty years. [lets out an exasperated breath] Like, where was that all the (bleep)ing years before?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Did you figure it out?
MIKE: [groans] It didnāt matter. [slides his glasses back onto his face] He started dating Chris, and I stopped being a miserable (bleep)er and got with Felicity. Will and I continued doing what we did, spent the weekends with each other, and he got to tell me all about his week with Chris. I wanted to press my hands on my ears and go [actually puts his hands on his ears] lalalalalala every time, but I chose to be a good friend and be happy for him instead. And then we graduated.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: That changed much?
MIKE: [scoffs] It changed (bleep)ing everything.
MIKE: [sighs, buries his face in his hands] Can we pause for a minute?
[The camera fades back to WILL.] He clenches his jaw and taps his thumbs against his fingertips, one by one.
WILL: We graduated. I donātā [frowns, shakes his head] It wasnāt graduation itself, more so the things that followed. Everything got a little busy. Chris and I stayed in New York and moved into an apartment together. Mike gotā¦ Mike got accepted at University of Iowa for a masterās course, which was a huge deal. And not even that was the bad part. I was genuinely happy for him. We talked about splitting flight costs, seeing each other whenever we could, letters, and phone calls. [smiles sadly] But we were also 22 by then. Maybe our frontal lobes werenāt fully developed, but we knew that we were delusional. Anyway, we had dinner the night before he left, just the two of us. And he told me that he and Lizzy, his girlfriend, got engaged and would get married in October. Halloween 1993. I didnāt really like Lizzy, [shoots the interviewer a glance] not for the reasons you think. But he seemed to be very serious about her, so I told him how happy I was for him, but also voiced my concerns about the pace of their relationship. [goes quiet, clearly getting lost in thought as he bites down on his lower lip]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Did Mike not take it well?
WILL: [absent-minded, shrugs] Dunno. He didnāt answer any of my concerns. He switched the topic, talked about some stupid movie that was released that week. I donāt remember which one. I felt like there was something he didnāt tell me. Something big. But I didnāt press. [sighs, briefly looks at the lens before dropping his gaze again]
Then Mike moved. And we held up quite well, actually. Called every other day, updated each other on our lives, and I even managed to visit him once before he got married. But then, the night before Mikeās weddingā¦[The screen fades to black, staying like this for a couple of seconds before MIKE shows up again, seemingly caught in the middle of a sentence]
MIKE: ā¦asked if I think Iām moving too fast and whether Iām sure about Lizzy. Will said he was happy for me, but it was in his eyes. I could tell that he wasnāt. And he saw right through me. He knew something was off. But Iā [crosses his arms in front of his chest] but I couldnāt sit there and tell him that the only reason Iām marrying Lizzy is because I felt like if I donāt lock in on her, Iāll die alone. That Iāll never find anyone else, because the only person I want isā¦ him. So I dodged all of his questions and talked about (bleep)ing Surf Ninjas. [laughs hysterically, tips back his head, throws his hands into the air]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you need another break?
MIKE: [drops his head again, shakes it] No, I want to get this over with. [takes a deep breath] I moved, and we called, and Will visited me in Iowa in September. And again for my wedding in October. I, uh, didnāt want to make this a big deal. I knew everyone was in town already, butā [grunts] You know how men talk about marriage? That itās a limitation to all their freedom, and that the last night before getting married is their last chance of some fun before willingly walking into a cage? [nods] Thatās how I actually felt. And I wanted to use that last night to spend time with Will. Just Will.
[The screen fades to WILL, their faces overlapping for the split of a second]
WILL: We sat on the balcony of this super fancy hotel room, and Mike was knocking down champagne after champagne. We talked about the latest edition of some comic we were both reading, about my new job at a museum, about books and movies we were excited about, butā¦ In hindsight, it already felt like a goodbye before anything really happened. [reaches up to massage his temples] I didnāt drink that night. I was Mikeās best man and didnāt want to show up hungover, and on top of that I was kind of worried about him. He wasnāt really himself. And then he started talking, and I found out why. [looks at the interviewer behind the camera]
I still donāt believe he told me the whole truth. But it was enough to make me believe that this whole wedding was a mistake. A big, (bleep)ing mistake. Sorry. [scrunches up his nose] Mike said it as bluntly as he could, started that whole breakdown with the words [makes air quotes] Will, I think Iām a (bleep)ing fag(bleep). [drops his hands again, letting them land in his lap with a loud slap] He was drunk. Really, really drunk. And he just kept talking and making it worse.[ā¦]
MIKE: ā¦told him about having needed pills with Lizzy from the start to get it up, that Iāve been measly jerking off to the front cover of Menās Health while she was at the doctorās, getting her fertility levels checked. [whines] And then he asked about all of those hookups I supposedly had in college, and I sat there like a drunk, (bleep)ing loser and had to admit that I never went past kissing and over-the-pants fumbling. That Lizzy was my first (bleep)ing time and I needed (bleep)ing Viagra to get started, even then. I told him that I donāt even love her, that sheās crazy. And then I made the mistake of telling Will about all the nasty (bleep)ing things she said about him. [gasps for air, eyes wide]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: 5 minutes?
MIKE: No! (bleep). [squeezes his eyes shut] Lizzy (bleep)ing despised him. Always said that he looks at me like heās about to swallow me whole, and that heās a (bleep)ing whore, a fag(bleep) with attachment issues. And when he started dating Chris and I told her, she laughed and said that [through his teeth] heās probably still getting passed around like a blunt. [flails his hands] There was so much more. And I told Will everything. And the worst part was that I tried telling him that I stuck up for him, butā¦ I was still going to marry this woman.
[The scene fades back to WILL,] who is slumping in his chair and clearly wiping tears off his face.
WILL: That was it. I felt so stupid. [looks at the ceiling] The one person who has never made me feel wrong for being me was going to marry a woman that called me all names under the sun and clearly had a very strong opinion about me. [sniffles] At that moment, I didnāt care whether he was maybe gay, struggling, or marrying someone he didnāt love. I felt like they fit each other splendidly. Rotten goes with rotten.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: A bit dramatic, isnāt it?
WILL: [raises his brows, scoffs] I was 22, still in love with him, and really (bleep)ing hurt. I felt so empty, I couldnāt even cry about it. I looked him in the face and told him I can not be friends with someone who marries a woman who thinks of anyone like this. I told him if he plans on doing this, thatāll also be the end of our friendship. That Iāll show up, serve my purpose as his best man, and then leave.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: He got married.
WILL: Yeah. [hiccups] He got married. And I stuck with what I said. I left right after the ceremony.
The black-and-white scene returns. WILL is already in his chair, his hair kept the same way as the previous day. He is wearing a dark t-shirt with a bright embroidery of a peach on the chest. The pendant around his neck shimmers in the dim light of the studio. He is smiling, looking past the camera.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Good morning, Will. Thanks for coming back. How do you feel today?
WILL: Iām good, thank you.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Are you ready to continue?
WILL: [nods] Barely, but yes.
The camera fades to the second scene, where MIKE does not appear as well-kept as he did yesterday. He is wearing a sweatshirt that looks gray in the setting, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair is not combed back, but loosely curling around his forehead, temples, and ears. MIKEās arms are crossed in front of his chest and he is frowning.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Good morning, Mike. Thanks for coming back. How are you today?
MIKE: [shrugs] I didnāt really want to come back.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Then why did you?
MIKE: [glaring at the interviewer past the camera] I have a hard time starting things and not finishing them.
MIKE: [sucks his lips between teeth, thinks for a long moment, then releases them with a pop] Not good. Lizzy and I went on our honeymoon to Hawaii, where I made good use of that all-inclusive deal at the pool bar, took some vitamin V to make her happy, and stupidly thought I could just call Will once I got home. [shakes head, huffs a laugh with an expression of self-disgust] I honestly believed I could talk to him and apologize, maybe weād cry about it, but then weād be fine. He never picked up. Never responded to my letters, either. I wanted to fly out and see him, butā(bleep)ing hell. [drops head, goes silent]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: But?
MIKE: [hums] You know, I was really scared of what I actually felt versus what I thought I was supposed to feel. I felt like I had to, I donāt know, save face with Lizzy. I was really (bleep)ing scared of her finding out Iāmā [shakes his head a little more quickly] I told her Iām thinking about flying to New York to see Will, and sheā¦ [scoffs] She asked me what the (bleep) my issue is, that itās a good thing Will is no longer [makes finger quotes] a problem. Lizzy said I had no reason to see him, but If I went, sheād genuinely have to circle back to her initial assumption that Will and I were secretly (bleep)ing. Obviously that wasnāt true, but I felt like she chipped away a bit of my mask. I wondered how the (bleep) she knew thatās what I wanted. She couldnāt know I wasā [sighs] I stayed in Iowa.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You still canāt say it?
MIKE: [narrows his eyes] I can say it. I got divorced over it.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Then say it.
MIKE: [rolls eyes, expression turning sour] Iām gay.
[We cut to WILL,] whoās nervously fumbling with the label of a water bottle.
WILL: For the first two weeks or so, I was honestly just angry. I wasā [huffs a laugh] Listen, Iāve always been very sensitive and emotional. Yesterday, when you asked whether I was being dramatic, thatā¦ That was just me. So, yeah. [sadly smiles past camera] I was angry and hurt, felt like I wasted a lot of time trusting a person who doesnāt really care about me. Which, in hindsight, I know wasnāt true. I think I shouldāveā [gets interrupted, raises his eyebrows as he looks past the camera again]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Weāll get to the regrets eventually.
WILL: Of course we will. [chuckles, but then sighs] Mike tried to call, but I never picked up. He wrote, and I never responded. I didnāt tell our friends about it for a long time, but they got suspicious at some point. Even with the geographical distance, you donāt go from best friends for life to radio silence without people noticing. They stopped talking to him, which was never my intention. Things were really bad for a long time. Chris didnāt know what to do with me anymore. I was depressed, crying all the time, and zoned out a lot. Everything inside of me wanted to pick up the phone or respond to one of his letters. [whines] But I was so (bleep)ing stubborn. Sorry.
WILL: [visibly confused] Wait, like, Mike-adjacent?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: The whole thing. Career, relationshipsā¦
WILL: Ah. [nods] Chris and I broke up a year later. I liked him, butā¦ [looks past camera again] I told you yesterday that he was kind of a replacement, right? [nods, gaze dropping to table] It felt unfair to keep up this relationship when I knew it wasnāt really what he was looking for. He wanted to settle down with me, started saving money so we could adopt one day. I couldnāt do that to him. [shrugs with one shoulder] I stayed in the apartment, he moved out. I still live there, itās a nice place. I switched jobs at some point, working myself up to the position Iām in today. I still paint, but very leisurely. [chuckles] No more big dreams of my own gallery somewhere in Brooklyn. [perks up, getting excited] Oh! I adopted Ziggy! Heās an Australian Shepherd.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What was your dating life like? Your friendships?
WILL: My friendships were good. I had a couple new friends in New York, and my childhood friends stayed in Cali and Massachusetts. We see each other for birthdays and take small trips when we can. [leans back, looks at ceiling] Dating wasā¦ Well, I did date. Still do. Had a couple of boyfriends, too. But none of it really clicked. I donāt do well on my own, but I also donāt want someone in my space who doesnāt really get me. Itās complicated. Iām not saying itās because of Mike, but I think Iāve always craved a connection like that, where I just feel known and seen.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You missed him.
WILL: A lot. [nods] In a way, it still feels like thereās a big hole in my life. He was practically a part of my identity. I never had anything like that again. I spent a lot of time wondering where he is, what heās doing, whether heās figuring himself out. I wanted to reach out but, I donāt know. I felt silly. [places hands flat on the table] I went to therapy eventually, so I could work through all the childhood trauma. I think I talked about Mike more than about that. [smiles down at his hands] But it helped. Iām in a good place today. I miss the connection. I still miss Mike. But Iām okay. Genuinely.
[We are looking at MIKE now,] who lets out a long hum of agony
MIKE: Canāt we just stick to the Will parts of the story?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Weāre building up to the next question.
MIKE: [groans] Oh, (bleep) me. [gestures toward the interviewer behind the camera] My life was pretty (bleep)ing bad. I was empty. I stayed in Iowa and finished my masterās, then got my Ph.D. Lizzy and I moved back to New Jersey and I started teaching at Princeton. I wanted to write a book, but she convinced me to do something with more [finger quotes] substance. We tried for a baby already before our wedding, which went [snorts a laugh] as good as you may think after hearing all of that. We had to do IVF. [laughs, almost a shriek] Thereās something really (bleep)ed up about sitting in a room by yourself and jerking off to gay porn so your wife can conceive your child. [crosses arms in front of his chest, smiling softly now] But we had a child. Sheās 7 now. I took her after the divorce. Lizzy moved back to Washington and only sees her every couple of weeks. So, yeah.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What about friendships? Achievements? The divorce?
MIKE: [groans again] Come on. Really?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Really.
MIKE: [exasperated] Fine. There really wasnāt much more to my life besides teaching, and eventually fatherhood. I have a couple of coworkers turned friends who I occasionally have dinner or go (bleep)ing bowling with. Nothing grand. Iād consider two of them close friends, though. Theyāre the ones who signed me up for this (bleep)ery. [sighs] My achievements are my degrees, which is kinda sad, I know. But I am pretty (bleep)ing proud of that. I think my students like me. [stops, looks straight at the camera] If you guys see this, Iām sorry.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [laughs loudly] Sorry.
MIKE: [smiles, looks at interviewer behind the camera] What do you want to hear about my divorce? Our marriage was doomed from the start, itās a miracle we made it 14 years. My blood pressure was a mess, so my doc eventually ordered me to drop the pills, which ultimately also meant no more intimacy. [sighs] We spent a couple of years just existing next to each other and raising our daughter as well as we could, without making her feel any of that. We knew it was over, but there was a whole life attached to our marriage. [flails a hand around] Child, house, history. Even if the history sucked, we had one. And then came last year. [blows out some air, followed by a baffled shake of his head] I always assumed Iād be the first of us toā¦ go there. You know, considering I was secretly gay and never had the kind of physical experience I always wanted to have. [goes silent, squints at the table]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What happened?
MIKE: [matter-of-factly] Lizzy cheated on me. She had a fling with one of our neighbors for three (bleep)ing years. Now, do I blame her for wanting affection? No. Was it still wrong, unfair, and (bleep)ed up? Absolutely. I came home early one day, and he was taking her from behind like some (bleep)ing animal. And I just stood there and stared.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Holy (bleep).
MIKE: I looked at them and Iā¦ deflated. [shakes his head] You donāt need to understand that, but I watched another man (bleep) my wife and I was relieved. [almost ecstatic, cheeks squeezed between his fingertips] I could finally drop the (bleep)ing facade. I could breathe. They were on our couch, in the house Lizzy and I built a life in, and I started laughing. Like, hysterically! [eyes wide] Thatās when they noticed me, and Lizzy immediately started screaming and crying and saying all this clichĆ© stuff about how itās not what it looks like, that she loves me so much, that she can explain everything. [looks at interviewer, a little out of breath] You know what I did? I looked my wife dead in the eye and said, āLizzy, Iām gayā.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Just like that?
MIKE: [purses his lips, nods, lifts his brows] Just like that. [grunts] And then she started beating me up. Slapped me a couple of times, then punched my chest, screaming about how I stole years of her life sheās never going to get back, and how I tricked her into having a child with her. [his voice an octave higher] Well, she wasnāt wrong. I deserved that. [takes a deep breath] So, yeah. We signed the divorce papers on our 14th anniversary. Halloween 2007. Hey, can I get 5 minutes?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Can we wrap up this sequence? Just one more question.
MIKE: [nods] Okay.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Will.
MIKE: [raises an eyebrow] Thatās not a question. [looks at the ceiling] I missed him a lot, throughout everything. You know, I kept all of my hobbies, but they werenāt half as fun without him. It always felt like a part of me was missing, still does. I wanted him to be there when I graduated, when my daughter was born, when I signed the divorce papers. But also just to talk about the dumbest stuff, like the latest episode of Supernatural or what heās making for dinner. There hasnāt been a day of my life where I havenāt thought about him. [pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek, seeming a little teary-eyed]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Okay, five minutes.
THE SCENE is muted. We are watching MIKE, who pushes his glasses into his hair to bury his face in his hands. An arm moves in from the side of the frame, holding a water bottle and tapping it against MIKEās shoulder. He drops his hands and accepts it, nodding and saying something the viewer canāt hear. MIKE drinks, his gaze hollow as it meets the table in front of him.
The screen fades to black, then WILL appears, leaning back against his chair and flipping the lid of his water bottle on the table. WILL seems relaxed, small crinkles forming around his eyes as he inaudibly speaks to the person behind the camera, his lips shaped into a faint smile.
WILL: [tilts his head, purses his lips] Probably. [pauses, thinks] Sorry, I think Iām at that age where youāre asked about the trajectory of your life and all you can come up with is your career. [laughs] But emotionally? I think my life wouldāve been very different. Maybe I wouldnāt have desperately tried to find someone. Not because I wouldāve made a move on Mike or something, Jesus. But because I wouldāve had someone in my life who knows me, gets me, accepts me the way I am. [nods slowly] He probably wouldāve tried pushing me to chase my dreams, and I still would do what Iām doing today, because Iām really stubborn. [laughs, a little breathy] Mike had a way with me, everything felt so easy. I miss that ease. And I miss not feeling lonely and misunderstood.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You never wouldāve made a move?
WILL: [wide-eyed, shaking his head] No way! Are you joking? [keeps shaking his head] I wouldāve been there, as his friend. I wouldāve rather walked into oncoming traffic than even think about making a move or confessing. [shakes his head another time] But I also wouldāve rather lived with the hurt of secretly loving him thanā¦ [scrunches up his nose, gestures around the room] ā¦with his absence.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Does it still hurt?
WILL: [breathy, lips quivering] So bad.
WILL wipes at his eyes with the sides of his hands, catching the tears as they come. For a moment, we watch him cry through quiet sobs and soft sniffles. Then, he looks at the camera again.
WILL: [still breathy] Iām okay. But only if I donāt think about it too much.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you need a break?
[When WILL nods, the scene fades out. We are back with MIKE,] who is staring blankly at a point above the lens.
MIKE: [voice low] I used to think about this a lot. I probably wouldāve been less scared of being whatāwho I am. [unblinking, brows knitting together] If I didnāt get marriedā¦ Or if Will hadnātā [squeezes his eyes shut, shakes his head] He wouldāve supported me. It would not have taken me fourteen years. [shrugs, raises his brows] Well, inarguably more than fourteen. God knows how long Iāve been carrying this with me. [clicks tongue against the roof of his mouth] Doesnāt matter. If the split didnāt happen, Iād be happier. Iād still have Will, Iād still have my friends.
MIKE leans back and purses his lips, nodding as he looks at the table. He seems strangely content compared to before the break, but also thoughtful.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You said you used to think about it all the time. Did you stop?
MIKE: [hums, almost sounding bitter] I realized I canāt get stuck on the what-ifs. That (bleep) broke me. So, who the (bleep) knows? [shrugs] Maybe, if I had Will to believe in me, I wouldnāt have stopped writing. Maybe, if Iād decided not to marry Lizzy that night, I wouldāve had a chance of getting happy and figuring myself out. Will wouldāve been there, understanding and loving like he always was, and metaphorically held my hand every step of the way.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you think you wouldāve confessed?
MIKE: [laughs out loud] No (bleep)ing way! A guy like Will would never have a thing for losers like me. [shakes his head in disbelief] I was his best friend for some reason, that alone made me want to kiss the ground beneath his feet. [very bitter, looking at the interviewer] I wouldāve been (bleep)ing miserable about being in love with him, but anything wouldāve been better than the (bleep)ing (bleep) that happened.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you resent him for cutting ties?
MIKE: [winces] Iāmā(bleep). Yeah, I do. I get why he did what he did, and I resent myself more than anything. I know he was hurt and I said and did some (bleep)ed up (bleep), but I wish he wouldāve listened to me once I was sober and had a clear head. [desperately grabs a fistful of his own hair] He just had to answer one (bleep)ing call. Just one. [groans, drops his hand again] This is nothing like the original question.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [hums] It blends into the next question.
MIKE: [clearly exasperated] Jesus (bleep)ing Christ, how many are there?
MIKE: Ah. [blows out a loaded breath] This one Iām actually prepared for.
MIKE stills, then leans back in his chair, his shoulders slumping. He folds his hands on the table, the pads of his fingers touching. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. When MIKE speaks again, it sounds like heās reciting a list.
MIKE: I regret being a bad friend. I regret running from my feelings instead of facing them. I regret not opening up, at least to Will. I regret marrying Lizzy. This isā¦ [sighs] Itās a little complicated, though. Without Lizzy, I wouldnāt have my daughter. But thenāthen I regret not leaving sooner. I regret holding out. I (bleep)ing regret that I didnāt go to New York to see Will. I regret getting (bleep)faced that night and telling him all of that. [opens his eyes, gives the interviewer a tired smile] I regret almost everything since the night before I left for Iowa.
A moment of silence stretches. MIKE reaches for his water bottle and brings it to his mouth, but doesnāt drink. He puts it down again, his jaw clenching, his gaze once more fixed on the surface of the table.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What about the resentment?
MIKE shakes his head as it sinks between his shoulders. He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, his face twisting with pain.
MIKE: I donāt want to do this.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Why?
MIKE: Becauseā [closes his eyes again] I donāt want to.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Itās part of the questionnaire.
MIKE: [scoffing] (bleep) the questionnaire.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Five minutes.
[The scene fades back to WILL,] who seems a little more composed now. His cheeks are still dewy and there is a crumpled tissue on the table next to his curled-up hand.
WILL: [hums] Iām going to sound like someone whoās had a lot of therapy. [tips his head to the side] Because thatās what happened. In terms of Mike, I have a ton of regrets, but not all of them are part of what happened. So, to put it as shortly as possible, my biggest regret is cutting him off and not letting him reach out to me, even when he tried. [narrows his eyes just a little] And, ultimately, that I wasnāt as good a friend as he was.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Whatās that about?
WILL: [smiles sadly] Youāve heard me talk, havenāt you? I keep talking about everything he did for me. But when have I ever mentioned me doing something for him? [gaze meeting the table] And then, the one time he probably really needed me, I left.
There is a moment of silence here, too. WILL reaches for the crumpled tissue and taps it against the tip of his nose, sniffling. His brows are tightly knit together now, and his Adamās apple bobs as he swallows thickly.
WILL: About resentmentā¦ [mouth twisting in discomfort] I donāt think thereās anything I can hold against him. I understand today that Mike probably acted out of fear. He wasnāt in a black-and-white situation. He was struggling with something he couldnāt make sense of, and there mustāve been a reason he still chose to marry Lizzy, despite all that. [shrugs, looks at his own hand holding the tissue] He never wouldāve purposely hurt me.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Thereās absolutely nothing you resent him for?
WILL: [with a small smile and a shake of his head] No. Resentment is too big a word for what I feel. Itās connected with anger. What I feel is hurt, sadness, grief. But no anger.
[The scene cuts to MIKE again,] whose glasses lie folded on the table. He is holding a large paper cup, its contents sending small swirls of steam across his face.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Well?
MIKE: I already said I resent him for leaving and not hearing me out. Thatās all Iām gonna say.
MIKE seems thoughtful for a moment. He opens his mouth to speak and closes it again, several times. Eventually, his entire face softens. MIKEās eyebrows draw together toward the bridge of his nose and the corners of his mouth curl up just slightly.
MIKE: He wasā¦ Will. I donāt know how to describe it. Itās easy to remember loving him, even long before I was in love with him. He was kind, smart, funny, caringā¦ [trails off, stares at an uncertain point in the distance] He was a really good friend, too, despite all that (bleep) that happened. He listened really well and made me feel okay just by looking at me or spending time with me. [hums] He wasnāt my only best friend. But he was my best best friend. [looks at interviewer] Does that make sense?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Not really.
MIKE: Well. [smiles] It does to me. Maybe what we had ran deeper than that. I donāt believe in all this hocus pocus bull(bleep), but if it was real, what would I call it? Soulmates? Twin flames? [waves it off] Whatever, you get what Iām saying. Will wasā¦ everything to me. I was so convinced that even if my whole life turned to (bleep), Iād still have him. Maybe thatās why there was a time where I kinda took him for granted. [rubs a hand over his face] Well, (bleep). Maybe add that to the list of regrets.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What about your feelings for him?
MIKE: They happened toā¦ exist? [looks at the lens with a skeptical smile] I donāt know, one day I realized they were there. Doesnāt mean they werenāt already there for a while, though. [shrugs] Again, it didnāt matter. [a little high-pitched] Maybeeee I started thinking about kissing him and cuddling him andā¦ more than that. And it hurt watching him with other guys, then Chris. But the core of our bond didnāt change.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You seem calmer now.
MIKE: [nods] Itās nice to talk about the good things.
[The scene fades to WILL again,] whose smile gradually grows wider as he hears the question.
WILL: Thereās no word for that. I donāt think everything he was for me fits into the category of [finger quotes] best friends. [chuckles] This sounds so cheesy, but Mike was everything to me. Not only because I was in love with him, but becauseā¦ Mike was Mike. He was geeky, and funny, and attentive, always cared for others more than for himself. But no one ever got to know him the way I did, and no one knew me the way he did. I always believed we were on some soulmate kind of thing.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Being in love with him didnāt change any of that?
WILL: [shakes his head rapidly, still smiling] Being in love with him made it stronger.
[WILL is still smiling when the screen fades to black.]
MIKE barks a laugh, then shakes his head in confusion. He looks at the interviewer behind the camera with an amused expression before his gaze drifts to the lens and back again.
MIKE: [huffs a breath] I guess? What kind of question is that?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Weāre filling in the gaps.
MIKE: [tilts his head to the side] Between what?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Between what you say and what you donāt.
MIKE: [stills for a moment, then pinches the bridge of his nose and laughs, an embarrassing shriek of a thing] Great. I avoid seeing a shrink all my life and then Iām dissected for (bleep)ing YouTube. [drops his hand into his lap with a loud slap] I knew the internet was a bad idea.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Will you answer the question?
MIKE: [in mock offense] Damn, you guys are ruthless. [sighs, nods] Yeah, I am. I donāt think of myself too highly. I genuinely think Iām a piece of (bleep). Butā [lifts a lecturing finger] I like making people laugh, and I hate poking fun at others. Itās a safe way to do that without harming others. So, yeah. A lot of it is coping, a lot of it is the intention to trigger a smile. [wiggles his brows] Does that answer your question?
WILL: [face twisting with confusion] You want to hear about my dog? [chuckles in disbelief] Really? [looks at interviewer] I mean, okay? I already said heās an Australian Shepherd, right? Heās white, with, uh, gray and brown splotches, and blue eyes. [hums, thinking for a moment] Do you know these movie scenes where thereās a cardboard box full of lost puppies out in the rain? [smiles] Thatās literally how I got him. He was the last puppy, and I wrapped him in my jacket and took him straight to the vet. That was four years ago.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Why the name?
WILL: [cheeks darkening a little, scratching the back of his neck] Bowie seemed a bit too on the nose.
MIKE: [splutters] You want me to talk about (bleep)ing Warcraft? Why the (bleep) would I do that?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Weāre trying to brighten the mood a little.
MIKE: [grunts] Well, thatās not suspicious at all. [narrows his eyes] Youāre just trying to lull me into safety so the next question can really (bleep) me up.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Would you consider yourself a paranoid person?
MIKE: [laughs loudly] Oh, (bleep) off! [shakes head] I play a holy Paladin. Iād say I make a pretty good healer. Itās fun. What more is there to say about (bleep)ing World of Warcraft?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Horde or Alliance?
MIKE: [smiles, lifts his brows] Horde all the way.
WILL: [squints with one eye, inhaling a sharp breath through his teeth] I donāt like talking badly about people, butā¦ [hums] In hindsight, when Mike told me about all the things sheād said about me, it checked out. She always seemed very shallow and judgmental, always had an opinion about everything. [shakes head] Ugh. I never knew what Mike saw in her. They werenāt really a match, either. It felt like she tried to dull everything that he was, constantly nagged him about the way he dressed or kept his hair. And it didnāt make sense that he just let her. [lifts his brows] They shared no interests at all. It was weird.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Didnāt you suspect sooner that there might be a different reason for Mike dating her than love?
WILL: [shakes head] It didnāt click until I talked about it in therapy. Until then, it was just confusion.
MIKE: [curls arms around himself, fingertips touching each of his elbows when he shrugs] I thinkā¦ I think I was so scared of this part thatā¦ I donāt know. If anyone wouldāve accepted me, it wouldāve been Will. [inhales, loud and sharp] But I guess I didnāt really understand it myself, yet. My attraction to men was very Will-focused, so for a long time, I donāt think I made the connection. Andāand once I did, I was (bleep)ing terrified.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Of being gay?
MIKE: [nods, visibly shudders, holds himself a little tighter] We grew up in rural Indiana. I saw the way Will was treated, even long before he came out. I grew up in a Republican household, which wasā¦ Well, my parents are cool with it now, and I think they wouldāve been cool with it, back then. Butā¦ [gaze fixed on table, shakes head] All I saw growing up was Republican media. And then, when I started to understand myself a little better, we were in New York. There was something deeply unsettling about being in the big city during the AIDS crisis. All the protests, flyers everywhere. And again, I saw the way Will was treated, this time as an openly gay man. [huffs a breath] I donāt know how he did it. But I knew I couldnāt. [brief pause] I looked at my feelings and thought they were wrong.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Did you ever think of Will as wrong for being gay?
MIKE: [shakes his head, smiles] I never thought of anyone as wrong for being who they were. But Mike W(bleep)? That guy? Burn him at the (bleep)ing stakes. [frowns] Youāre going to cut my last name, right?
WILL seems caught off-guard by the question. His body perks up a little and he tilts his head to the side, brows shooting toward his hairline. He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms in front of his chest, looking up at the ceiling.
WILL: I mean, obviously it hurt. She and I wereā¦ kind of similar. Sometimes I looked at her and wondered whether it couldāve been me, if Iād been born a girl. [sighs, shakes head] He was a terrible boyfriend, though. I think thatās because they werenāt really a match, either. Most of the time, I wanted to grab Mike by the shoulders and shake him until his brain slotted back into his skull or something. [chuckles] But she really loved him, and I think he loved her, too. They didnāt get their typical āfirst loveā experience, considering everything that happened back then. Butāwait, this is about me. [snorts a laugh] It hurt, but I wasnāt jealous or anything. I justā¦ endured it.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you think he wouldāve been a better boyfriend to you?
WILL: [laughs out loud, shoulders shaking] Maybe? Most of the time I thought about smooching him, I didnāt really wonder whether heād buy me flowers or take me on dates. That came later. And by then, yeah, maybe he wouldāve been a better boyfriend to me. If the chance had been there and the circumstances were right.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Whatās your relationship with your sister like today? Are you still alike?
WILL: [smile dropping, gaze finding the tabletop] No, not really, seeing as Iām alive and she isnāt.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Oh, (bleep). Iām sorry.
WILL: [looks at her, shrugs] You couldnāt know. [deep breath]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Was thatā¦ before or afterā¦ [goes silent]
WILL: [clenches jaw] Her death was their break-up.
MIKE: [pinches the bridge of his nose] Oh, for (bleep) sake. [shakes head] I did say it was traumatic. [grunts, looks up] Iām scared of hospitals. I think that should count. I always check behind me before I enter my house. Iām really (bleep)ing scared my daughter is going to be kidnapped or will randomly disappear. Also, I (bleep)ing hate Purple Rain.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: The Prince song?
MIKE: [groans] The (bleep)ing Prince song. Donāt ask. [reaches for his paper cup on the table] Iām not going to unload my trauma. I feel like Iāve already said enough.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Okay. Thank you.
WILL: [takes a drink of his water, humming] Yeah, well, when we left, we didnāt think weād come back. Mom sold the house. Well, my stepdad sold his house, more like. But we did come back, and there was no place for us to stay. [smiles] Our families were pretty close, so we moved in for a few months. [laughs] A few. [rolls eyes] We stayed with them for one-and-a-half years.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What?
WILL: [chuckles] Stuff kept happening, donāt ask. [clears throat] It was actually pretty nice. I think Mikeās dad hated all of us at that time, including his own wife and children. [chuckles again] The house was crowded, and the mornings felt like a fight to the death over who gets to use the bathroom first. My brother and I shared the basement, but I usually was down there alone and only to sleep. He dated Mikeās sister at the time and snuck up into her room at night. [still smiling] It was good to just be around Mike, especially after I was gone for so long. Emotionally, though? [phews] Pretty sure I was close to a heart attack.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Did anything happen?
WILL: [eyes wide] What? Except being under the same roof with the guy I was secretly in love with? [grins] The proximity alone drove me nuts. We hung out so much. We were on his bedroom floor reading comics, watched movies in the basement, stole his dadās liquor and got drunk behind the house. We raced each other to school on our bikes every morning. [shrugs] Despite the stuff that was still happening, we were best friends again. And I was hopelessly, achingly in love. [laughs, squeezes his eyes shut] It was terrible.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Sounds fun, though.
WILL: [shakes his head, then nods, still smiling] Terrible and fun.
MIKE squints at the interviewer with pursed lips, still holding his paper cup. He tips it toward her.
MIKE: See? I was right to be suspicious. [takes a drink of his beverage, then sets down his cup] I thinkā¦ [steers his focused gaze toward the table] College was different. Will was out there, and he really started to live. He grew so confident in who he was and Iā¦ [sighs, shakes head] Even before I realized I was in love, I found that hella attractive. He was still Will, but now he was expressing himself. Through clothes, silly pins on his bag, the way he walked and spoke. He was lessā¦ compressed. And that was really (bleep)ing hot. [smiles very softly]
I was visiting him for the weekend. It was Saturday afternoon and I sat on the edge of his roommate's bed, flipping through some stupid magazine while Will got ready for a party. [rubs a hand over his face] He looked really good. His shirt was a little cropped and there was this small strip of stomach thatāJesus Christ, arenāt you gonna tell me to shut the (bleep) up?INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [chuckles] No.
MIKE: [rolls eyes, groans] I made a stupid joke, I donāt remember what about. But Will burst into laughter and tipped back his head, then looked at me with the biggest (bleep)ing smile on his face, and my heart did that (bleep)ing thing. [gestures toward the camera like presenting evidence] This is when I knew I was (bleep)ed.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You remember the exact moment?
MIKE: [smiles] I remember the exact moment I realized. Who the (bleep) knows how long Iāve been feeling this way? Not me.
WILL: [nods slowly] Two of them. Thereās a whole shoebox of them. [falls silent]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You donāt want to elaborate on that?
WILL: [shrugs, then shakes his head] Iām not sure how? Ultimately, just saying no makes me look like an a(bleep). But explaining why I didnāt read the others does, too. [crinkles his nose, sighs] For a long time, I was too hurt, then I was scared. Actually, Iāmā [sighs again] My therapist read the ones I read, and two more. I know itās so damn cowardly and probably also unfair to Mike. But she said they just grow more desperate, so I never touched the others to avoid feeling like the worst person in the world, which is selfish as hell.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You never feel the urge to read them?
WILL: [visibly uncomfortable] All the time. I just canāt. I know Iāll just tear open old wounds that, honestly, havenāt even fully healed. Nothing will come out of that. I need to protect myself as best as I can.
MIKE: [shuffles in his seat, furrows his brows] I donāt think Iām quite there yet. I, uhā¦ [thinks for a moment, his index finger tapping against his chin] I got divorced, came out to my friends and family. Iām trying to beā¦ as open about it as I can. Iām still, I donāt know. [takes a deep breath] Other than not deleting my browser history after, you knowā¦ [shakes head] Iām working on it. I think a big part of my life right now is realizing I donāt need to hide anymore, and that Iām still Dad, Prof, Mike, despite that.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you crave intimacy?
MIKE: [breathy] Yeah. But I have been for years, not just since the divorce. [soft] Emotionally, mostly. Physicallyā¦ I mean, obviously. But yeah. Yeah, I really (bleep)ing do. [falls silent, sniffles]
WILL: [eyebrows shooting up] Oh, straight for my throat? [chuckles] Well. [reaches down with both hands, presumably reaching for the edges of his seat] Both. Iām genuinely okay, because I learned to live with the hurt. I think I couldnāt sit here and talk about everything if I wasnāt okay. But I also couldnāt sit here if I was no longer hurting. [shrugs with one shoulder] It goes hand in hand. [tips his head to the side] And sometimes I allow myself to be absolutely not okay, or honestly have no control over it.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: How so?
WILL: [cheeks darkening, gaze meeting the table] By hysterically crying while flipping through photo albums. Sometimes Iā¦ [deep breath] Sometimes I see something that reminds me of Mike and I just start crying. Sometimes I think about it too much and I canāt help myself. Actually, Iāmā [huffs a laugh, rolls his eyes] Iām surprised Iāve been holding up so well here. I was prepared for many, many tears. [smiles] So, bottom line, I am both genuinely okay and really badly hurting.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: After all this time?
WILL: [nods] Imagine losing your leg. Youāll still miss it years later. Youāll still have phantom pain. Itās just natural, no?
MIKE clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth and lifts a warning finger, wiggling it in the air. His brows are raised and heās smiling, but not in a way that makes him appear amused.
MIKE: Ah-ah. Absolutely the (bleep) not. I said what I had to say.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You clearly feel some resentment toward Will. Why do you refuse to express it?
MIKE: [leans in over the table, looks at the interviewer, brows still raised] Hey, whatās your name?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [audibly confused] Uh. Helen.
MIKE: [points at her] (bleep) you, Helen.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [long, thoughtful hum] Itās pretty strange to me that youāve been more than open about everything else, but this is where you draw the line. Youāre fine talking about being in love with Will, self-hatred, your regrets. But you refuse to admit that youāre angry at him.
MIKE: [slumps back against his chair with a deep frown on his face, crosses his arms in front of his chest, shakes his head] Thatās not true. I did say I resent him for leaving and not giving me a chance to explain myself.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: But you refused to elaborate on that.
MIKE: [energetic, eyes wide] Thereās nothing to elaborate on! [swings his arms outward] Iām not gonna sit here and talk about this (bleep) when he canāt (bleep)ing explain himself! [drops his hands again, a loud thud sounding when they slump against the edge of his seat] What do you want me to say? That I think it was (bleep)ing unfair to be best man at my wedding and then never talk to me again? [sharp inhale] That I spent years of my life blaming him for the fact I turned into a miserable (bleep)er? [lifts his hands again, balls them to fists in front of his chest, tears welling up in his eyes] That I wouldāve done anything, absolutely (bleep)ing anything to get him back?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Except flying to New York to see him?
MIKE: [spitting] (bleep) you!
There is a loud screeching sound as MIKE scoots back with his chair, then gets up. He hurries out of the frame, his hands tapping against the side of his legs. The room falls silent. For a few seconds, we look at the scene. There is incoherent muttering as the screen fades to black.
WILLās face twists with something that looks like disgust. Itās followed by a roll of his eyes and an annoyed groan. He is still holding on to the edge of his seat, his gaze drifting toward the ceiling.
WILL: I hate men.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [laughs]
WILL: [looks at her with a pitiful smile] No, seriously. [huffs a laugh] Why does everyone over 30 think their life has to be all about, dunno, sports, or the stock market, or mowing their lawn every other Saturday? [shakes his head with another groan] Oh, and sex. I had a date just last Friday. We spent ten minutes talking about hydrangea breeding. Then, completely out of the blue, he asked if the (very long bleep) is the same color as my lips.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [splutters a laugh] Okay, but is it?
WILL: [eyes widening, emitting a disbelieving squeal] Excuse me? [laughs] Youāre messing with me, right?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [still audibly amused] A hundred percent. Please proceed.
WILL: Jesus. [lifts a hand and wipes it over his mouth, almost as though heās trying to wipe the smile off his face] Itās depressing. None of these people know fun anymore. My life isnāt over just because Iām in my thirties, right? [sighs, puts both hands on the table now, pouts a little] I still like comic book stores and geeky stuff. I still love seeing silly movies at the theater. I still love going to concerts. I collect LEGO and PokĆ©mon cards. I have a really big obsession with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I sit down weekly to watch the latest episodes of Soul Eater and Black Butler. [another sigh, this one louder] And then Iām on a date with a guy whoās actually kind of nice, but all he talks about is breeding flowers and going to the bar on Fridays and trying to get tickets for the Super Bowl.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: So gay men arenāt exempt from the grown-man stereotypes? Have you tried gay bars?
WILL: [scoffs] Honey, Iāve been going to gay bars since I was 21. [chuckles] The fun ones are too young for me. And Iām not saying Iāve only dated boring guys. There were some I shared interests with, butā¦ Back to the question, no real connection. Not that kind of connection, at least. [fumbles with his fingers on the table] Guess Iāll die alone.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Is that something you worry about?
WILL: [purses his lips, eyes narrowing] Yeah.
[The scene fades out and moments later we are back with MIKE.] He is in his chair again, his cheeks a little glowy. The sleeves of his sweatshirt are no longer moved up to his elbows, but covering his arm fully now. MIKEās glasses are still folded on the table. Next to them is a presumably new paper cup, the contents sending swirls of steam into the air. His jaw is clenched and his gaze fixed on his own hands, which are folded on the table.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Thank you for staying, Mike.
MIKE: [sniffles, shrugs, eyes unmoving] Just needed a moment. Sorry for, uh, all that.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Itās okay. Youāre not the first person lashing out at me. Are you ready to continue?
MIKE nods.
MIKE: [exhales, continues staring at his hands. his voice is lower now, like heās out of fight] I probably wouldāve stayed. [eyelids fluttering closed] I have no self-respect. If I hadnāt been so tired of hiding, Iād probably still be married to her. The cheating was the trigger for me to do something I shouldāve done a long time ago. So, yeah, I probably wouldāve stayed if I were straight. [scoffs, looks at interviewer behind the camera] Pathetic, I know.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [hums in disagreement] I donāt think so. Mike, youāve never been to therapy?
MIKE: [shakes his head]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Why not?
MIKE: Iām not going to sit down and reveal all this [lifts a hand, taps his index finger against his temple] (bleep)ery to someone who gets paid to diagnose me. Reliving all that again? Iād rather die.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Youāre reliving all that right now, though.
MIKE: [rolls his eyes] I guess. Next question?
MIKE: [tips his head to the left, then the right, shrugs] In my defense, I also said it might be good to talk about this stuff. [inhales deeply, looks at the interviewer] I was already here, right? Frankly, I said much more than Iād like the world to know about me.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you worry about being perceived like this?
MIKE: [laughs] Iām worried about losing my (bleep)ing job.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Weāre not that big.
MIKE: I teach 140 students. If one of them finds this, itās over. [smiles, wiggles his brows]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You didnāt really answer my question.
MIKE: [groans softly] Maybe it actually feels good to talk about all this (bleep)ing (bleep). Do with that what you will.
The scene shifts into color. We are looking at a close-up shot of the table. Three photographs lie neatly next to each other. The first one is a polaroid of two small boys, one with a bowl cut, the other with dark, disheveled curls. They wear striped t-shirts in different colors and smile widely as they lean over a board game, kneeling on the seats of two dark wooden chairs.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Will, tell us about the first picture.
The camera pans out. The scene fades into black-and-white again as WILL comes back into the frame, whoās still in his spot, fondly smiling down at the polaroid, his thumb brushing its edge.
WILL: We were around 6 here, I think. My family didnāt have a lot of money, so my mom made all these board games, all the time. [chuckles] I got them for birthdays, Thanksgivings, Christmases, every year until I was, like, 10. [hums] We liked them. They were silly, but kids donāt need much to be entertained. It was fun. She made a few for Mike, too. [glances at the interviewer with an amused expression] Honestly, the gameplay was almost always the same. But the boards were new, and so were the figurines.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Did Mikeās family have money?
WILL: [nods] Yeah. His dad was hoarding money like a dragon. We sometimes joked about it, like [changes the pitch of his voice to something higher] Oh, I was gonna ask for a new bike, but Smaug said I need to work for it.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Did that difference in status ever matter to the two of you?
WILL: Absolutely not. [shakes head rapidly] Never. It sucked sometimes, but Mike never made me feel weird for not being able to afford something. He shared with me whenever he could. [smiles] We spent years passing his copies of Lord of the Rings back and forth, and heād usually share his coins with me at the arcade. He paid for snacks at the movies, and I sneaked in a bag of off-brand gummy worms that weād pour into the popcorn. [hums, gaze drifting back to the picture]
[The scene fades into another, revealing a second close-up shot of a table,] where MIKEās fingers lie spread on a small stack of photographs.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You donāt want to show them?
MIKE [off-camera]: [a little breathy, his fingers twitching]> I donāt know which ones.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Maybe pick two or three memories youāre particularly fond of.
MIKE hums and picks up the stack. For a long moment, his hands can be seen at the edge of the frame, flipping through it. Occasionally he stills, then his hands begin to move again. Eventually, heās holding two photographs with one hand, and with the other hand he places the stack on the table, facing down.
MIKE puts down the first photograph, and the scene shifts into color as it fills the frame. It shows two kids wearing Ghostbusters costumesābrown overalls with the logos on the sleeve, and proton packs on their backs. To the viewer, both of the children are recognizable as MIKE and WILL, even if their faces are much younger. MIKE wears a chest patch spelling out the name VENKMAN, whereas WILLās reads SPENGLER.
The color drains from the scene as MIKE comes back into frame. Heās looking at the photograph with something of a smirk, his brows slightly lifted. The hand holding the other photograph moves below the table, out of sight of the viewer.
MIKE: Halloween 1984.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Ghostbusters?
MIKE: Obviously. [hums] It was a weird night, but it was nice before it was weird. And the costumes were really (bleep)ing sick.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What happened?
MIKE: [winces, then seems like heās forcing a grin] Thatās confidential.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Was this before or after Will went missing?
MIKE: It wasā [stills, looks at her with a confused frown] Did I mention that?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: It came up. Can you answer the question?
MIKE: [squints at her a little longer, then shakes his head and looks back at the photograph, still frowning] After. Which is precisely why it was weird. I really canāt say more than that.
[The scene once again fades, the next photograph slowly regaining its color as the camera focuses.] It depicts 3 people. MIKE on the very left, smiling widely with his arm slung around the shoulder of a GIRL standing between him and WILL, who is positioned a few inches away from her. WILL grimaces, although it is open to interpretation whether that is supposed to be a smile. The GIRL is merely recognizable as such by her dress, seeing as her face is blurred. Above their heads is a large neon sign, vivid against the bright blue sky, reading Rink-O-Mania.
MIKE is wearing a bluish-purple t-shirt with an unbuttoned, yellow shirt on top, as well as yellow-hemmed, green shorts. There is a pair of white sunglasses dangling from his neck, attached to a green-and-yellow cord, and on his head is a sun visor with a teal, red, and green pattern. The GIRL is wearing a blue-and-white checkered blouse, topped with a white dress that has purple, teal, and pink accents. WILL is in a checkered shirt made from various shades of blue, and beige pants.
WILL [off-camera]: This was when Mike visited us in California. We were 15 here. [finger tapping at the GIRL in the middle] This is my sister. [then tapping at MIKE] And this is Mike, who made some genuinely interesting fashion choices that day.
[The screen switches roughly to black and white as WILL comes into focus again.] He seems thoughtful with his brows tightly knit together and his jaw clenched. The joke he just made does not reflect on his face.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You said he wasnāt a good friend back then, and that the distance hurt you. Why this picture?
WILL: [smiles sadly, shrugs with one shoulder] Itās the only one I have of the three of us. I wasnāt particularly happy that day.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Why is that?
WILL: [shrugs again, crinkles his nose] Our greeting was weird. I was really excited, but we only gave each other one of these awkward half-hugs. Iād brought him a gift, but after that I was hesitant. And then he gave her flowers, so I was like, nope, never mind. [grunts] It was also my birthday. No one remembered.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Thatās sad.
WILL: A little. [sighs] Well, credits to my mom. At least she gave me a cupcake with a candle.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [hums] Happy belated 15th birthday.
WILL: [chuckles, looks at her, smiles fondly] Well, thank you.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Youāre welcome. Is there anything else youād like to say about this photograph?
WILL: [shakes his head] No. I think it says exactly what it needs to say.
We are now looking at MIKE again, who lifts his hand from under the table and looks at his chosen photograph with uncertainty. After what seems like a long moment of consideration, he finally puts it down on the table.
[The screen turns back to color as it switches to the photograph.] It shows MIKE and WILL, clearly of drinking age. WILL sits cross-legged on a floor, winking at the camera with a wide smile, holding a red plastic cup above his head. He is wearing a red top with orange hems, the fabric sitting a little tight around his upper arms. A small sliver of WILLās stomach shows between the hem of his shirt and the waistband of his jean shorts, their denim hugging his thighs firmly. His hair is ruffled, but styled. There is a silver, round pendant dangling from a silver chain around his neck.
MIKE crouches next to him, wearing a pair of wide, light blue jeans, a khaki dress shirt, and black converse. His hair is long, the dark waves nearly reaching his shoulders, and his glasses are pushed back into it. They seem to be similar to the ones he is wearing today. MIKEās eyes are red and his eyelids a little droopy, his elbows resting on his thighs. The blur added in post-production suggests that he is holding a cigaretteā¦ or something else with a gleaming tip. He is smiling at the camera.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Whatās this?
[The scene transitions to MIKE, draining all color again.]
MIKE: [hums, looks at the picture, then at the interviewer] You asked me earlier what made me realize I was in love with him, right? [cheeks darkening a little] And I went on this whole excursion about how good he looked that day? [smiles, taps at the photograph] That was the day.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: The day you realized you were in love with him?
MIKE: [soft, a little breathy] Yeah.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: It looks like you had fun.
MIKE: [lifts his brows, tilts his head] We probably did. I mean, he was definitely drunk and I was high as a kite. We usually had fun at these parties. [chuckles] Mostly because we were together, though. It wasnāt usually the setting we wouldāve liked. Too many people, too much noise.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Whatās the pendant around his neck?
MIKE: [reaches for his glasses on the table, slides them onto his face, then looks back down] Ah. It has his sisterās initials. He got it shortly after she died.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Did you know her well?
MIKE: [presses a hand against his cheek] You could say so. [sighs] She was my first girlfriend. [head snaps up, looks at the interviewer] Hey, weāre not dissecting this right now. [wiggles a finger at her] Youāre not gonna ask me some bull(bleep) about what it was like to be in love with my exās brother.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Oh, I wasnāt going to.
MIKE: [squints, finger still raised] You werenāt?
[The scene fades to a photograph that gradually turns into color.] WILL and MIKE sit next to each other on a bench that appears to be wet, judging by droplets of water scattered across the surface around them. WILLās hair is disheveled. He is wearing a pair of light blue jeans that are ripped at the knees, and a brown knit cardigan on top of a white shirt. There is a green Converse on his left foot, and a yellow one on his right. The pendant on his necklace disappears into his neckline. A shoulder bag leans against WILLās legs, a small sunflower pin attached to it, and next to it a pin of a rainbow flag. There seem to be more pins, but they are not recognizable due to the angle of the shot.
MIKE is next to WILL, pointing at a stack of paper in his lap, smiling widely. He is wearing black corduroy pants, a black-and-gray striped pullover, and black Converse. MIKEās hair is messy and at chin-length here, his glasses reflecting some of the dull light surrounding them. It is clear, though, that despite pointing to WILLās lap, he is looking at his face. The area surrounding them is a scattering of colorful trees and leaves on the ground in shades of orange, red, brown, and yellow.
[WILL appears back in frame, the switch back to black-and-white being sudden.]
WILL: [rubs a hand over his face, blinks down at the photograph slowly.] This was in the fall of senior year. [hums] Itās kind of funny how I spent weeks of my life devoted to this paper, but now I donāt even know what it was about anymore. [clears throat, shakes head] Anyway, I was nervous about my deadline, started overthinking every single word. Mike came in the middle of the week to have a look at it.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: And you chose a wet bench?
WILL: [chuckles] We were in Central Park. Mike had his own deadline, so he had to catch a train, like, two hours after arriving. It was close to Grand Central Station.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Why this picture?
WILL: [shrugs] We were genuinely good here. I mean [raises brows, gestures at the photograph] us. Will and Mike. This was a good point in our friendship. [looks at interviewer with a slight frown] Itās kind of crazy that this was just a year before everything went to (bleep). Sorry.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What do you mean when you say you were good? I assume you were still in love with him?
WILL: Oh, yes. [laughs, nods] Worse than ever before. Butā [brushes a finger over MIKEās face in the photograph] We were just us, you know? Iāve been carrying these feelings for years, so at that point I knew how to handle them. I was dating Chris, Mike was dating Lizzyā¦ Ha. [breathy exhale] We were not personally good. Obviously we were both dating people we didnāt really love. [taps at the picture, eyes fixed on it] But this? This was nice. Uncomplicated. Best friendism. [smiles softly] We looked good, too. I really liked that pullover on Mike. And the glasses.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Youāre gushing.
WILL: [cheeks darkening, his smile turning a little shy] Have you seen him?
The scene opens again with WILL, back at his table. In front of him lies a book which the camera slowly zooms in on. We are staying in the black-and-white setting as we take a closer look at it. It is a copy of J.R.R. Tolkienās The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring. Itās a battered, well-worn paperback, its cover creased and cracked, the corners bent and the edges frayed from years of being handled. The spine is faded, the lettering worn away to illegibility.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You mentioned earlier that you were handing Mikeās copies of those books back and forth.
[The camera pans out again, WILL reappearing in the frame.]
WILL: [smiles at the interviewer, nodding] Yeah. One of them never made it back to him.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Oh, so this is his? You kept it?
WILL: [smile widens, nods again] Yes. [gaze drops to the book] I got my own copies in college, so I definitely couldāve returned it to him then. Butā¦ [brushes his thumb over the edge] This one has our annotations. Like, whole conversations in the margins about whether a certain character deserves as much credibility as we give them, or my deep attraction for Aragorn. [chuckles] So, yeah, I kept it.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Care to share those annotations?
WILL: [laughs out loud, shakes head rapidly] Absolutely not. [voice softening] I think that would come close to revealing a diary.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: So, what does this book mean to you today? Why did you bring this specific item?
WILL: Itās personal, and a reminder of the life we shared. [shrugs with one shoulder] Iām still a Tolkien fan, but this is not so much about the story as it is about what we did to this poor book. [breathy chuckle] Our handwriting is all over the pages, and even if some of it is just stuff likeā [air quotes] Oh (bleep), Mrs. F caught me reading and threatened to confiscate the book until the end of the yearā Itās still real. [drops hands again, hums loudly] Itās like heās still talking to me. Jesus. [laughs] Now I sound like heās dead. But Iām making sense, right?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [chuckles] Yeah. Do you look at it often?
WILL: Yeah. Itās usually on my coffee table or my nightstand. [looks at interviewer, narrows his eyes] I have an unhealthy attachment to it. My therapist says it [clears throat] is like a comfort item for a child during liminality. [shrugs with one shoulder again] Guess sheās right.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Liminality?
WILL: [nods, gestures to interviewer] Yeah. Like, standing on a threshold and not quite being able to pass. And, uh, the book is something Iām holding on to because I still need something of that old life to anchor me.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Are you just reciting what your therapist said?
WILL: [laughs] You got me. [shakes head, places his hand flat on the book cover] But itās true. Iām holding on.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you mind if we take the book for some close-up shots? I promise we wonāt look at the annotations.
WILL: [seems to think for a moment, then hesitantly slides the book across the table] Okay. [nods] Justā Be careful with it, please.
[The scene fades out, and now we are looking at an empty chair. There is a large paper roll on the table, held together by a rubber band.] MIKE enters the frame from the left and takes his seat again, his hand immediately closing around the roll.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Mike, what did you bring?
MIKE does not respond at first. He carefully peels the rubber band off the paper roll, then slowly starts to unroll it. He looks down at it with a hum. As the camera pans into the PAINTING, MIKE holds it down by the edges to keep it from rolling up again. Slowly, the scene shifts into color. The PAINTING shows four figures, fighting a three-headed, red dragon in front of lines of trees. The figure at the very front is a warrior holding a sword and a shield, a heart emblem and crown emblazoned on it. Behind him is what seems to be a wizard casting a spell, and another warrior with an axe. The last warrior is on a white horse, raising his sword to the sky as he holds a blue-and-yellow shield.
MIKEās hands are still holding the paper down, so we see his fingers as we take in the PAINTING. The color seems a little faded, and the edges are softened, but not damaged.
[The frame fades to MIKE again, returning to black-and-white]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What are we looking at?
MIKE: [low, soft, almost like heās lost in thought] Will made this when we were 15. He gave it to me when I visited him in California.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: That mustāve been a lot of work. He just gave it to you?
MIKE: [shrugs] He said his sister, my girlfriend, commissioned it. [corners of his mouth curling up, shakes head] In hindsight I donāt think thatās true.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Whyās that?
MIKE: [fingers twitching against the edges of the PAINTING, sighs] Sheās not in it. I genuinely think if sheād commissioned it, sheād be a part of the painting.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Why would Will lie to you about that?
MIKE: [brows furrowing] No clue. It was a (bleep)ed up time. I told you yesterday that Iāve been a pretty bad friend back then, right? So maybe thatās why. I honestly donāt know, though. [clears his throat, voice appears to be more sturdy now] Itās our D&D party, by the way. Us and our friends. When Will gave it to me, he held this big, emotional monologue. I just sat there and couldnāt say anything.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What did he say?
MIKE: [shakes head] I donāt want to say. But he said a lot of stuff that made me feel really (bleep)ing great about myself. [sighs] Maybe thatās also why I kind of hope it wasnāt a commission. So the words were actually his. [squeezes his eyes shut, rapidly shakes his head]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Where do you keep the painting?
MIKE: [deep breath, opens his eyes again, smiles at interviewer] It was framed in my study at home. [clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth] Lizzy didnāt like it. But Iām divorced now, so I moved it to the living room. I like looking at it. It still makes me feel good about myself sometimes.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Sometimes?
MIKE: [shrugs, carefully rolls the PAINTING up again] Yeah, well. Itās still a (bleep)ing painful reminder of what I lost. [swallows a choked up sound, eyes seeming a little wet now] Iām done.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Can we take it for some close-up shots?
MIKE: [stern] No.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Weāll be careful. Youāll obviously get it back before you leave.
MIKE is already holding the rubber band, his jaw clenched as his gaze flicks between the interviewer behind the camera and the PAINTING.
MIKE: [sighs, slowly rolls the painting over the table, then spits:] If you damage it, Iām going to (bleep)ing kill you.
MIKE: [sighs hard, pushes his glasses back into his hair, rubs a hand over his face] I need a (bleep)ing nap. Or a shot. Or twelve. [laughs] That was intense. [drops his hand to the table, shrugs] I donāt know, it feels kind of weird to know Iāve been so open about everything. Iām not usually like that.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Youāre prone to bottling up?
MIKE: Yeah. [nods, clenches jaw] Bottling things up, joining a cruise, and dropping the bottle somewhere into the Pacific Ocean. I talk about bits here and there, obviously. Else my friends wouldnāt have signed me up for this. [hums] But I donāt think Iāve ever told the whole story to anyone, or talked about my feelings like this.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do you feel better or worse?
MIKE: [snorts a laugh] Both. You guys really know how to (bleep)ing poke at open wounds.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Iāll take that as a compliment.
MIKE: [with a blank expression] It wasnāt one.
[The scene fades to WILL]
WILL: [smiles softly] I feel super mushy. Iāll definitely go home and cry after this. [chuckles] Maybe Iāll have some tequila. [squirms a little in his seat] Iām kinda nervous because I said so much and this is going to be online. But then againā¦ [hums] I couldāve said so much more.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Did it feel good to talk about what happened?
WILL: [shrugs] Kinda? I mean, Iāve talked about it a lot. With my therapist, my friends, my family. Itās not like I said something that was new to me or I desperately needed to work through. [smiles shyly, gaze dropping] I just like talking about Mike, even if this was really challenging and focused a lot on the bad stuff.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: We have two more questions.
WILL: [with a slight pout, his voice a little higher] Okay.
WILL: [eyes drifting to the ceiling, huffs a breath] So much. I want to apologize so badly for not being there when he needed me. [crinkles his nose] I want to know whether he figured himself out and got happy. And I want to tell him how much I regret cutting him off. [hiccups, wipes at his face with the sides of his hands, voice fragile now] I just want to talk to him. I want to tell him about my job and my dog. [breathy] Whoa, thatās a lot. [swallows a choked-up sound, looks at the interviewer past the camera] I want to know what he thought of the Lord of the Rings movies, and I want to tell him that he really deserves to be loved for who he is. [releases a shaky breath] That he doesnāt need to force himself to love someone he doesnāt. Andā(bleep). Sorry. I want him to know that I wish I couldāve been there. [sucks some air through his teeth] Can IāI need a few minutes.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Okay. Five minutes.
[The scene shifts back to MIKE,] who is thoughtfully looking at the table in front of him with pursed lips and narrowed eyes.
MIKE: [breathy] Yeah. I wish I could finally (bleep)ing explain myself to him. [closes his eyes with a deep breath] I want him to know how scared I was and that I felt like I had no other choice than to marry Lizzy because I was so freaked out by my own identity. And then he can do whatever he wants with that. Butā¦ [swallows thickly] If heād let me, Iād love asking him about his life. I want to talk about stupid (bleep) with him, like why the (bleep) they cut Tom Bombadil from the movie, or whether he also has this strange desire to visit New Zealand. [presses the heels of his hands against his eyes] I want him to know that Iām still angry and hurt, but that Iād die for another shot at being his friend.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Would you tell him everything this time?
MIKE: [still hiding his eyes, lips quivering] Absolutely everything.
[The scene fades to black as a sob tears through MIKEās throat.]
MIKE now sits in front of a water bottle thatās half empty. His cheeks are still wet, but his glasses are back on his face.
MIKE: [looks at interviewer past the camera] Like, after my countless attempts at the beginning?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Yes.
MIKE: [nods] I did. All the (bleep)ing time. But I always thought thatā¦ [sucks in a sharp breath] Will made a decision, and I wanted to respect that. Besides, I couldnāt know if he moved. At one point, I had no way to reach him anymore. It was hopeless, no matter which direction I looked at it from.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: The internet might help.
MIKE: [breathy laugh] And it did. I know what he looks like today, at least. [shuffles in his chair, gaze dropping to the table] I searched up his name one day, and there he was. Assistant museum curator at a museum in New York.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Be honest, how many times have you gone back to that website?
MIKE: Don't make me say it. [laughs, shakes his head] Several times a week, probably. [sighs, his smile turning soft] He looks good. Heās wearing a Madonna t-shirt in the picture, and heās smiling. Thereās also, uhā [sniffles] a phone number and email address on the site, so I guess that kinda dismisses my last point. But I justā¦ canāt bring myself to reach out. [huffs] What do I even write to his professional work email? Hey, Will, remember me? Smiley face? [closes his eyes and rapidly shakes his head] No way.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: But you considered it?
MIKE: [cheeks darkening, mumbling] I made a couple of drafts.
[The scene fades out and shifts to WILL again,] whose fingertips are tapping on the tabletop. His cheeks are damp and heās still sniffling, but he seems more collected.
WILL: Oh, I did. Itās just thatā¦ [sighs] While I still knew he was in Iowa, I was too upset. And then Iā¦ [sighs again] I had no way of finding him. Once I did, it felt like it was too late.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You found him?
WILL: [smiles at the table with a slight nod] On the Princeton website. English Lit department. [looks up, squints] Wait, are you going to bleep that? I feel like thatās giving away a lot about Mike. [winces] I donāt want people to hit him up going āhey, your ex best friend talked about you on YouTubeā.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Weāll bleep whatās necessary. Go on.
WILL: O-okay? [shakes head] Heās a professor now. Like, actually. Ph.D. and all. [smiles] I bet heās doing a great job at that. He looks good, very professional. Heās a student counselor, too, thatās nice. [hums, suddenly looking a little uncomfortable] Thereās an email address, as well. I stared at it so much that itās basically etched into my retina now.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You never wrote?
WILL: [shakes head again] The train's left the station, I think. I meanā [inhales deeply] If heād reach out again, Iād immediately be ready for whatever. I just donāt know if he still wants me in his life, after all that happened and the time that passed. [sad smile] Itās scary to think about reaching out. I donāt think I could handle not getting a response or being rejected.
WILLās eyebrows are tightly knit together as his gaze seems to follow movement in the room. A moment later, a hand appears through the right edge of the frame, holding a large, rolled up paper, kept together with a rubber band. The viewer recognizes it as the PAINTING that MIKE presented earlier. WILL doesnāt.
WILL hesitantly accepts the paper roll, suspiciously squinting at whoever hands it to him. After, he turns and slowly starts tugging off the rubber band. He places it on the table, then begins to unroll the paper, his frown gradually giving way for sheer surprise.
WILLās brows shoot toward his hairline and, as he holds the PAINTING with both hands, looking down at it, his mouth comes slightly ajar. His gaze flicks rapidly across the paper, breath visibly stuttering. WILL holds it to his face, his shoulders lifting as he takes a whiff of it, then sets it down on the table. His fingertips hold it in place at the edges as his thumbs brush over the paint. A choked up sound leaves WILLās mouth and his eyes dart up, finding the interviewer behind the camera. He is still wide-eyed, his chest rising and falling heavily.
WILL: [voice shaky] Where the (bleep) did you get this?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Can you tell us what this is?
WILL gasps in disbelief and shakes his head. His hands are flat against the edges of the PAINTING, keeping it from rolling up again. He looks back down at it, then raises his head to scan the room, twisting his neck as though someone couldāve sneaked up behind him. Eventually, WILL stares past the camera again with another shake of his head and furrowed brows.
WILL: [voice breathy and low] Where did you get this?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Tell us about it.
WILL: [laughs in disbelief, shakes his head another time] Youāre- [gasps for air] Youāre not supposed to have this. This isā¦ Thisā [looks back down at the PAINTING] I made this for Mike. I gave it to Mike, over twenty years ago. [thumbs shaking as he runs them over the paint again] Iāmāhe kept it. [gaze wandering to the interviewer again, eyes wide as he gasps for air again, shoulders and jaw visibly tensing] Seriously, how did you get your hands on this?
[The scene fades to black, and a moment later we are back with MIKE.] His brows are raised in great interest as he watches movement nearby. A hand comes into frame through the right edge of the screen, holding a book. The viewer recognizes it as the copy of Fellowship of the Ring WILL showed earlier. MIKE recognizes it as just thatāa worn-down book with an illegible spine.
MIKE accepts it with a hum, still visibly intrigued. He leans back in his chair and holds the book with one hand, turning it in front of his face to study it closer. A small āhuhā escapes his throat. Then, suddenly, his face pulls into a frown.
MIKE: [low] This isā
He puts the book on the table and flips it open to the front page, then a little further, to a page that is almost fully covered in scribbled words. The viewer can see the handwriting, but not what it says. MIKE chokes up and slams the book closed, putting his hand flat against the cover as his head shakes rapidly. His eyes widen and he presses his lips to a thin line, looking at a spot somewhere on the table.
MIKE visibly shudders. After a few deep breaths, he finally looks at the interviewer behind the camera.
MIKE: Helen, what the (bleep) is this?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You tell me.
MIKE: [shudders once more] I know what this is. I want to hear it from you.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Itās your copy of Fellowship of the Ring.
MIKE: [breathes heavily, one eye narrowing as he tilts his head] Okay. And why do you have this?
MIKE doesnāt wait for an answer. He looks down and flips the book open again. He opens to a page somewhere in the middle, his eyes flicking across the paper. When MIKE turns the page, he sniffles. He reaches up with his other hand to push his glasses back into his hair, then wipes at one eye with his fingertips. After a long moment of silence, some shuffling can be heard from off-screen.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Will gave it to us.
MIKE: [head snapping up, breath catches in his throat, his tone sharp] What?
[The scene takes us back to WILL,] who is still staring wide-eyed at the interviewer with a heaving chest.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Mike did keep it. He gave it to us. Heās looking at the book as we speak.
WILL: [hiccups, rapidly shakes his head, voice breathless] No. [gasps for air, fingers twitching against the edges of the PAINTING] Nononononono. [face twisting into something painful, voice desperate now] Youāre lying. This canāt beā Youāre (bleep)ing with me.
WILL is crying softly, tears slipping down his cheeks as his lips quiver. He shakes his head, letting out a breath of disbelief, and slowly slides his hands toward each other, causing the edges of the painting to curl up. WILL then lifts his hands and squishes his cheeks between his fingertips. He swallows a small sob. After, he inhales a long, wheezing breath.
WILL: [almost inaudible] Oh my God.
His shoulders begin to shake and his hands move from his cheeks, now covering his entire face. He whines loudly a few times, then sobs before letting a loud hum break through the crying sounds. Eventually, WILL looks up again and drops his hands with a sharp gasp for air.
WILL: [looks at interviewer, voice still breathy and a little strained] Heās here?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Yes. So?
WILL: [hiccups, blinks away some tears, lets out a long whine] Does he even want to see me?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: This is a format about people missing someone, Will. Enough to expose themselves to the public.
WILLās gaze drifts to the ceiling, his lips pressed into a thin line to keep them from trembling. The tears are still coming, though, sliding down his cheeks and dripping from his jawline. His voice is low again when he speaks, almost like heās scared to really say his words out loud.
WILL: Iād love to meet himā¦ if he wants to.
[The scene fades to black, and for a few seconds we are listening to WILLās soft sniffles, sobs, and whines. Then MIKE appears on the screen.]
MIKE appears to be frozen and unblinking. Even in the black-and-white setting, he seems a little paler than before. The only thing that suggests we might not be looking at a still-frame is the rapid rise and fall of MIKEās chest and shoulders. His hands are still holding the book, flipped open to the pages heād been reading when the reveal came. He is still wide-eyed and staring at the interviewer.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [after a very long moment] Are you okay?
MIKE remains silent, unmoving, and unblinking. We look at him for a minute longer before his eyes turn glassy, followed by a single, quick blink. His voice is low, almost monotone when he speaks.
MIKE: You are genuinely the worst people in the whole (bleep)ing world. [shakes his head, breath audibly catching in his throat]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [hums] Sorry. [clears throat] So, what do you think?
MIKE: [scoffs, blinks, gaze dropping to the book on the table] I think I look like Iāve been (bleep)ing tortured for two days.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You look decent. Besides, do you think Will feels any better?
MIKE: [looks back at her, jaw clenching] Heās actually here?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Yes.
MIKE: You asked him the same question?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Yes.
MIKE: [takes a deep breath, swallows thickly] What did he say?
As if on cue appears the sound of clattering heels. MIKEās gaze drifts, trying to find the source. Eventually, the sound stops.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Mike, this is Alice.
MIKE nods, his jaw still tense, his fingers trembling around the pages of the book.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Alice, what did Will say?
INTERVIEWER #2 [off-camera]: [softly] He said yes.
MIKE slumps back in his chair, his hands coming up to cover his face. Then, he sobs.
After looking at a black screen for a minute, the viewer is now presented with a new scene. It looks similar to before. There is a deep black background, but the table and chair are missing. Although the scene is no longer in black-and-white, the setting is still dark and muted. The only source of color is coming from WILL, who stands in the middle of the room, fumbling with his hands in front of his stomach.
WILLās face is deeply flushed and still wet. Judging by the audible catches in his breath, he still hasnāt fully recovered. This is the first time we get a full body shot of him. WILLās t-shirt is navy blue, the peach embroidery on the chest different shades of pink and orange. Heās wearing a pair of tapered, light wash jeans and Converseāone red, one yellow. His head is low, gaze turned to the ground in front of him.
A loud creak appears, followed by the sound of footsteps. A pair of feet slowly crosses the floor. WILL freezes, squeezing his eyes shut, clasping his hands tightly together. MIKE enters the scene from the right side of the frame, slowly, his gaze also on the floor, although it seems like he is in search of the X-marker next to WILL, where he eventually comes to a halt. His sweater is a light gray, paired with black corduroys and Old Skool Vans. But no, MIKE keeps his head low. It seems like both of them are too afraid to look.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [clears throat] Youāre aware you can look at each other, right?
WILLās eyes are still closed when he lifts his hands and rubs them over his face, releasing a loud sigh. Then he drops them again and opens his eyes before he turns to his left, facing MIKE. MIKE lifts his head. It seems like both of them stop breathing as their gazes meet.
For a long moment, they look at each other. The viewer can only see the sides of their faces, but itās obvious that neither of their eyes are movingāuntil they are. WILLās gaze flicks across MIKEās face, up to the top of his head, then down his body before meeting his eyes again. MIKE blinks, his eyes slowly drifting over WILLās face.
Slowly, WILLās mouth shapes into a small smile. He lifts a hand, bringing it to MIKEās cheek and holding it there gently, releasing an audible breath.
WILL: [softly] Hi.
MIKE: [unmoving, lips trembling, jaw clenched, speaking equally as softly] Hi.
A sob tears through WILLās throat and, at the same time, he fully closes the distance between them. He rises onto his toes and slings his arms around MIKEās neck, pulling him in for a hug as another sob follows. MIKE instantly curls his arms around WILLās middle and presses him closer. His head drops onto WILLās shoulder as he, too, starts sobbing loudly. His face is hidden by WILLās head, but the shaking of his shoulders and the way he clasps the fabric of his shirt gives away that MIKE is finally breaking. WILL cradles the back of MIKEās head, threading his fingers into his hair as he cries out loudly.
They both cry as they hold each other.
The screen fades to black.
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We are looking at a familiar scene, but this time not in black-and-white. Itās a room with a deep black background, a dark brown tabletop cutting in at the bottom edge of the frame. The two chairs lined up against it are of the same material, still empty.
A MAN enters from the left side of the frame, pulls out one the chairs, and smoothly sits down. The viewer recognizes him as WILL. WILLās hair seems a little messy and wet, his cheeks deeply flushed. Heās wearing a patchwork cardigan in a vivid red, green, and yellow on top of a simple, white t-shirt.
He looks at the empty chair to his side, then sends a brief glance at the camera before his gaze drifts past the lens. WILL smiles.
WILL: Weāre filming already?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Just a little test run while we wait for Mike. Is that okay with you?
WILL: [nods, still smiling] Sure. [briefly looks around] Whereās Alice?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: We donāt need her today, sheās catching a day off.
WILL: [brows perking up] We donāt?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [hums in disagreement] Youāre being interviewed together. Two interviewers arenāt required for that.
A faint creak of a door is heard, followed by the gradually rising racket of footsteps. WILLās smile widens as his eyes seem to follow movement around the room. He reaches out to pull out the chair to his left. A second later, MIKE steps into the scene from the right edge of the screen and flops into the chair with an exhausted sigh.
MIKE is wearing a dark blue knit sweater, the collar of a pinstripe shirt neatly poking out from the neckline. His cheeks, too, are deeply flushed, his hair disheveled and a little damp. A scattering of water droplets is on MIKEās glasses, and as he lifts a hand to take them off, his sleeve rides up and a black wristwatch appears on his arm. It shows 5:23.
As MIKE cleans his glasses with the hem of his sweater, he looks at WILL with an amused smile. WILL returns it, crinkling his nose.
MIKE: [chuckles] Youāre all wet.
WILL: [tilts his head to the side, raises his brows] So are you.
MIKE huffs a laugh, then puts his glasses back on. Theyāre still a little smeared at the edges, but he pays them no mind. He turns a little, facing the camera now, then looks right past it, smiling.
MIKE: Hello, Helen.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Hello, Mike. You made it.
MIKE: [sighs] Yeah, sorry for the delay. [rolls his eyes] One snowflake on the rails and the entire public transport system falls into chaos.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Itās okay. Thanks for coming in so late. Both of you. Iām sure youāre already drained from work.
WILL: [shrugs, still smiling] Itās okay, I spent most of the day running around. Sitting feels nice.
MIKE: [lifts his brows with great intensity] And you promised pizza.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: There will be pizza. [chuckles] I take it that means you didnāt lose your job, Mike?
MIKE: Ha. [snorts a laugh] I donāt think it was ever threatened. The video made its rounds, though. [shrugs] Everyone was really nice about it. They also made fun of my profuse bleeping. [shakes his head with a look of disappointment] You couldāve told me to tone it down.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [laughs out loud] Sorry for that. Are you guys ready to start?
MIKE and WILL share a small glance, unreadable to the viewer. They smile, then turn to look at the interviewer, and nod in unison.
MIKEās gaze drops to the table in front of him. WILL looks at the interviewer with an amused expression, exhaling a loud breath through his nose. Theyāre both smiling. After a moment of silence, WILL shoots MIKE a glance and fondly rolls his eyes before looking back again.
WILL: You mean after we cried for, like, an hour?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Yeah.
WILL: [tips his head to the side, eyebrows twitching] We got a shawarma around the corner and went to Central Park. We justā¦ sat and talked. [glances at MIKE again] And then I somehow ended up in New Jersey.
MIKE: [huffs a laugh]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What?
MIKE: [finally looks up, raises a hand in defense] Listen, my babysitter ran out of patience. We werenāt done talking yet. [shrugs] So I invited him back.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: And you said yes?
WILL: [nods, grins widely] We werenāt done talking yet, it was Friday night, and I had absolutely zero reason to say no.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Except for your dog and a one-hour train ride.
WILL: [laughs, shoulders shaking] Youāre talking like I did something irresponsible. [gestures at the table] Ziggy was with my friend who didnāt mind keeping him for a night. Andā¦ [hums] I donāt really get your point about the train ride. Iāve spent more time on the subway in this town trying to get somewhere.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Okay, okay. Sorry. Itās justā¦ Usually thereās a bit of a distance at first.
MIKE: [splutters] Oh. [shakes his head with a wide grin] There hasnāt been distance since.
WILL: [rolls his eyes, slaps MIKEās shoulder with the back of his hand, speaks in mock offense] Mike! We were going to build suspense!
MIKE: Come on. [shoots WILL an entertained glance] Weāre still ominous.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [loudly clears throat] So, you spent a night at Mikeās place? What happened?
MIKE: [gestures to interviewer, looks at WILL] See? Ominous.
WILL: [huffs a laugh, shakes his head, looks at the interviewer] We watched WALL-E with his daughter. And then weā
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You met her?
WILL: Obviously. [nods] The whole reason Mike invited me was because her babysitter wanted to get off work. [smacks his lips, then says loudly:] Anyway! Once she was asleep, we talked until three in the morning.
MIKE: [matter-of-factly] And then we started watching Supernatural.
WILL gestures at MIKE to his left and raises his brows, as if saying, āYeah, thatā.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Did you talk about everything?
MIKE: [sighs] I think two thirds of it was just apologizing to one another. You need to stop thinking about grown men calmly talking on a couch, and imagine, wellā¦ [takes a deep breath, almost looking apologetic] Two grown men constantly bursting into tears.
WILL: [breathy] So many tears.
MIKE: [nods, scratches the side of his nose] So many (bleep)ing tears. [eyes widen] (bleep). Sorry. The profuse swearing continues. [laughs, then hums and shakes his head] So, no. We did not talk about everything. But many things.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Like what?
WILL: [smile slowly fading, looking thoughtfully at the tabletop] Like how sorry we were, and how lonely we felt without each other.
MIKE: [hums, lifts a finger] I finally got to explain myself. Through, like, several attempts and a lot of pathetic sobbing.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What was that like for you, Will?
WILL: [crosses his arms on the table and leans in] Bad. [small, one-sided shrug] But we already established that I felt like (bleep) about everything that happened. It justā¦ made it worse for a while.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: You stayed until Saturday?
MIKE: Oooooh. [nudges WILLās elbow with his] Sheās dodging your answer. Thereās gonna be another question.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [audibly sighs]
WILL: [chuckles, shakes his head] I stayed until Monday morning and headed straight to work. [lifts brows] In the same clothes Iād worn Friday.
MIKE: [deadpans at the camera] Just to put it out there, Will was wearing fresh underwear.
WILL: [puts a hand over his face] Jesus, Mike.
MIKE: What? [brows lifting] You donāt want to hear every detail about the conversations we had?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Wait for it. [brief silence] So?
WILL: Well, I think itās important to note that not everything was resolved at once. [tilts his head, eyes narrowing slightly] We didnāt, like, sort everything out and then talk about where we wanted to go. Itā¦ kinda both happened at the same time. [leans back again, hands staying on the table] We were still hurting at the same time as we made plans for the future.
MIKE: [hums, nods, crosses his arms in front of his chest] I donāt think everything has been talked about yet. Things still come up occasionally, especially because we decided toā¦ [lifts brows] ā¦ proceed the way weāre proceeding. But I guess itās just natural that, after 15 years of radio silence, we canāt catch up on all of that within half a year.
WILL: Especially when life happens at the same time. [shrugs] You donāt sit here going āHey, thereās this gig tonight we could go to, but we really need to finish talking about years of repressed feelings firstā. [breathy chuckle] Thatās not how it works.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Okay, but how long did it take you to go through the essence of it all? [brief silence] The resentment and regret, the years of no-contact, alongside the loneliness and hurt?
MIKE: [shrugs] Same thing, I guess? I mean, everything was said after that weekend at mine, but processing it? [hums] Still going.
WILL: Like, sometimes weāll just sit together and Iāll start crying because itās so surreal, you know? [gives interviewer a little smile] And then it all comes up again, and we have the same conversation weāve already had 20 times.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Okay, so, how are you proceeding?
WILL: [smiles] Well, we donāt force these kinds of conversations anymore. At the beginning there was a lot of back and forth about āHey, this thingā and āAlso, that thingā and āI think we should talk about thisā. [looks at MIKE with a soft smile] But I think everything important has been said now, so weāre just going with the flow and talking about whatever comes up.
MIKE: [shoots him a sheepish grin] And a lot of things are coming up. But new things, too. Not just the old shā stuff.
WILL: [shyly flutters his eyelids and looks away, a blush spreading over his cheeks] Yeah.
MIKE: [hums, still smiling, looks back at interviewer] I think thatās the bottom line. Donāt force things. And, I meanā¦ [starts gesturing with his hands] We havenāt forced anything since the reunion, really. Actually, we spent a lot of time being freaked out by how easy and natural everything feels, despite everything. [chuckles] And itās (bleep)ing crazy where not forcing things has gotten us.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Now youāre actually being ominous.
WILL: [looks at the interviewer as he bites down on his lower lip, then takes a deep breath] To be completely honest, we didnāt talk about everything within a weekend. Or even months. We had, uh, secrets. One each. [smiles hesitantly] We returned to best friendism.
MIKE: [breathy laugh, rubs a hand over his cheeks, crooking his glasses a little]
WILL: [fidgets with his fingers on the table] We started doing things again. We called, visited on the weekendsā¦ Well, mostly I drove out to Jersey. [chuckles] We did everything that falls under the umbrella of hanging out. We even spent Thanksgiving at Mikeās with our old friend group. That was really nice.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: What happened?
BOTH: [look at each other, chuckling]
MIKE: [laughter swinging in his voice] The (bleep)ing video was posted.
WILL: [looks amused] We completely forgot about it. The second we walked out of this studio, it was like this interview didnāt happen at all. [shrugs, gestures outward] Because now it didnāt matter what we said throughout those two days. What mattered was what we could say to each other.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Your episode of The Reunion was posted on December 20th. Three months after the interviews.
WILL: Yeah. [breathy chuckle] I stayed over before Christmas, and we watched it together.
MIKE: [eyes widening] And suddenly thereās Will, talking about being in love with me.
WILL: [hums, seeming giddy] And thereās Mike, talking about being in love with me.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [hums] Iām sure that sparked a whole different kind of conversation.
BOTH fall silent, their lips pressing into thin lines, the corners of their mouths twitching wildly. They look straight at the interviewer. WILL squints with one eye, and MIKE touches the tip of his nose with his index finger.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Come on.
MIKE: [tries stifling a laugh, fails, lets out a long pff sound, then shrugs] Sure, if kissing counts as a form of conversation.
WILL: [blushes hard, lifts a hand to hide his face, lets out a long, high-pitched hum]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Oh.
MIKE: Yeah, oh. [beaming, looks at WILL, whoās still hiding behind his hand] That happened.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Uhm. [brief pause, paper rustling] I, uh, was not prepared for this outcome. [huffs a laugh] Can we pause for fifteen minutes?
The screen fades to black for a couple of seconds, then returns. Now, WILL and MIKE seem a little more collected, even if the blush on WILLās cheeks remains persistent. MIKE is holding a paper cup with steaming contents, and WILL is holding a can of soda, the label taped off with a large strip of paper.
WILL: [brows furrowing] Wait, did you actually come up with new questions?
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Yes.
MIKE: [seems impressed] Not bad.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: It would be nice if youād answer them. [chuckles] You know, for continuity.
MIKE: [lifts his brows, loudly sips on his beverage] Sure, continuity.
WILL: [nudges him with his elbow, sets his can on the table, looks at the interviewer with a friendly smile] I think it was rediscovering more than developing. Itās weird, right? [shrugs, shakes head] Youād think someone would fall out of love during fifteen years of no contact. But Iā [deep breath] It was back almost immediately.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: How immediately are we talking?
WILL: [hesitant, averting his gaze to the table] Sunday morning after the reunion.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Two days? [brief pause as Will just nods] Mike, what about you?
MIKE: [dryly] I spent 16 years with a woman who I wished was Will instead. Even afterā¦ you know. [clears throat] I never got over it.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: And yet, each of you decided to keep repressing your feelings.
MIKE: [puts down his paper cup, then lifts his hands in defense] Well, we both said weād rather die than confess during the initial interviews. [smiles] And we didnāt really end up confessing. The video did that for us.
WILL: [finally looks up, smiling softly] We cried, then talked.
MIKE: We talked a lot. The whole (bleep)ing night.
WILL: [blush deepening] And we kissed more.
MIKE: [beams, his cheeks turning pink] Weāve been kissing a lot since.
WILL: We justā¦ continued. [smile widens] We decided weāre doing this. We went on dates, cuddled on the couch, and did all the stuff we usually did, but as a couple.
MIKE: [still beaming] Weāre going to Florida next week. Disney.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [softly] Oh, nice. Whatās the occasion?
WILL: [puckers his lips, raises his brows] Itās my birthday. [lips break into a smile again] 38.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [chuckles] No flower breeding or boring conversations about the stock market?
WILL: [shakes head rapidly, then groans] God, no. Iām so over that.
MIKE hums and drops his hand on the table before sliding it across the surface. He curls his fingers around WILLās, who immediately reciprocates and gives him a soft squeeze.
MIKE: Now you need to tell her what weāre doing for my birthday.
WILL: [fondly rolls his eyes, laughs softly as he looks past the camera again] Weāre going to a spaceship-themed restaurant. They do childrenās birthdays.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: [hums] Your life isnāt over just because youāre in your thirties, right? Thatās what you said.
WILL: [nods with a big smile, voice breathy] Yeah.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Mike, is your daughter joining Disney?
MIKE: [scoffs, furrows his brows in mock offense] No, what the (bleep)? Iāll drop her off at doggy daycare so she can play with the golden retrievers. [laughs, then a little softer:] Obviously she's coming.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Do she and Will get along?
MIKE: [face lighting up again, eyes seeming a little sparkly] Sheās obsessed with him. I need to actively put up a fight with her if I want to spend time with him before her bedtime. [laughs] I love it.
A long moment of silence spreads. WILL and MIKE are both looking at the interviewer, then their gazes drop to their locked hands on the table. WILL lets out a soft sigh and leans over, dropping his head against MIKEās shoulder.
A sound appears, like heavy paper rustling, then a small stack of flash cards thuds onto the tabletop and scatters across the surface. Both WILL and MIKE look down at them. The words are handwritten and unreadable to the viewer.
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: I think weāre finishing here.
BOTH: [looking at her with expressions of confusion and surprise]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: I was going to ask more. Thereās a question about Willās desire to find that special connection, and another about you, Mike, finding peace with your sexuality. Butā¦ [sighs loudly] The two of you look happy, and I think thatās a very good note to end on.
WILL: [cheek still pressed against MIKEās shoulder, smiling softly] I like that.
MIKE: [hums, turns his head to rest his cheek on top of WILLās head, brushing the back of his hand with his thumb] Yeah. [blinks slowly] Weāre still getting pizza, though, right?
ALL: [laugh]
INTERVIEWER [off-camera]: Youāre still getting pizza, yes. [chuckles softly] Thank you guys for agreeing to this.
MIKE: [inhales deeply through his nose] No, honestly, thank you.
WILL closes his eyes, still smiling, and squeezes MIKEās hand a little firmer. As the screen slowly fades to black, the viewer catches a glimpse of MIKE turning his head to plant a kiss in WILLās hair.
