Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

1

Zuko knows that Sokka doesn’t trust him.

It’s obvious in the way Sokka watches him closely as he trains Aang, even after Katara has come around. It’s hard to blame him – Zuko knows now that firebenders have a lot to answer for, after all. Plus, Aang did confide in Zuko early on that he’d been hesitant about learning due to an incident long ago where Katara was burned. If Sokka still has that in his mind, it’s no wonder he follows Zuko around as he teaches the Avatar the basics of firebending. At least he doesn’t glare, like Katara used to. He just watches from afar. He says he does this for his own entertainment, but Zuko obviously doesn’t believe this.

Zuko has nothing to hide, absolutely no ill intentions to be found by Sokka, but it does irk him a bit.

One would think that after willingly leaving his father behind, helping free Sokka’s father and girlfriend, and risking his own life to protect them from his sister, he would have earned some trust. He helped Aang find the true meaning of firebending so they can both have a fresh start on the element. He helped Katara find the man that killed their mother. He’s actively helping Aang kill his own father. When will it be enough?

Out of overflowing frustration or a desperate feeling of missing his uncle, Zuko confides in Toph about this.

Toph is weird. She seems to not care about anyone else’s feelings, but Zuko realizes early on in his time with the Avatar’s friends that isn’t the case. She’s just blunt, not really worried about censoring what she thinks or protecting someone’s feelings if she thinks they can handle it, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t take others into consideration. It’s refreshing, talking to her, and he finds himself gravitating towards her more and more as the day of the comet approaches. It reminds him a bit of talking to his uncle, but to the left.

“Sokka trusts you,” she tells him, as if it’s a known fact. Zuko has just spent thirty minutes explaining all the evidence to the contrary and complaining about it, so the confidence in her voice throws him off guard.

He frowns at her, and makes sure she can hear the sour look in his voice. “I really don’t think so.”

“Look, hothead, Sokka and Katara are the easiest people in the world to deal with; they almost always mean exactly what they say. They’re awful at hiding their feelings, so they just don’t bother to. When Katara didn’t trust you, she didn’t lie about it or hide it, right? That’s because she can’t. Those two are the worst liars I’ve ever met. So, if Sokka tells you he trusts you, and that he’s just hanging around to watch the firebending circus in action, then he’s telling the truth. You’d know if he wasn’t.”

“But I do know.” Zuko groans, leaning back against the stone of the rock they’ve propped themselves against. “How can it possibly be that interesting to watch someone learn firebending when he can’t bend at all? He thinks that I’m up to something, and I’m not!”

Toph hums, smiling. “Wow, you’re really broken up about getting Sokka to like you, huh?”

“I am not!” Zuko sits up again, aghast. “Why would I care if Sokka likes me? I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to help Aang defeat my father. That’s it.”

“Did you know that I can tell if someone’s lying?” Toph points down at her feet where they are planted flat on the ground, her knees drawn to her chest to keep them that way even as she sits. Her smile is huge and knowing. “I use earthbending to see, but I can also tell when someone’s heartrate or breathing changes, like when they lie. Trust me, I know better than anyone that Sokka isn’t lying about trusting you, and that you’re lying to me right now.”

Zuko’s eyes narrow suspiciously. “How do I know you’re not just lying to me?”

Annoyingly, Toph’s smile grows. “You don’t!”

Zuko changes his mind. He hates talking to Toph.

2

It doesn’t take long for Zuko to begrudgingly admit that Toph was probably correct about Sokka trusting him. After all, he does entrust Zuko with Katara’s safety when the comet arrives and they separate. He keeps this at the forefront of his mind when fighting Azula, but perhaps he makes his intentions to keep Sokka’s little sister safe a bit too obvious.

When Zuko goes down for the lightning hit, all he can feel is panic when he realizes he cannot move, and guilt over leaving Katara to deal with Azula herself. It is supposed to be his job to take down his sister and he had wanted to do that while keeping Katara unharmed. Will Aang or Sokka ever trust him again if she’s hurt?

After Katara subdues Azula and heals him, he knows he shouldn’t have worried – there isn’t a scratch on her. Katara is capable of taking care of herself, and maybe Sokka had trusted her with her own safety rather than Zuko. The thought sours something in his gut, feeling a bit like disappointment, but he’s still relieved that everything worked out.

As Katara and Zuko watch Azula use the last of her energy trying to escape her chains, the comet disappears overhead, and her flames die out with it. Almost instantly, staff members from the palace arrive in the plaza and whisk Zuko and Katara inside, where Zuko is laid down in the palace physician’s room. Katara refuses to leave his side.

Once he’s laid down, Zuko can tell that he’s much worse for wear than he’d initially thought. Katara had healed him, but he is still having a hard time moving his hands and keeping his eyes open. He tries not to panic when he’s settled onto his back and realizes he is having a harder time taking in full breaths of air. Katara seems to notice his struggling, and helps sits him up a bit on the hard bed, which helps.

“If I had gotten to you sooner…” Katara starts, but Zuko doesn’t let her finish.

“You saved my life, that’s more than enough.”

The rest of their friends arrive before the physician does, and an attendant comes to ask Zuko’s permission to let them in, though it hardly matters. They’ve followed in, anyways, and barge into the room mere seconds after the attendant can finish asking for Zuko’s approval.

The room that they are in isn’t small, but it is by no means large enough for five teenagers and a lemur to fit comfortably while crowding around Zuko’s bedside. Somehow, they make it work.

Aang cries first, latching his arms around Katara and laughing through the tears, and then he turns his attention to Zuko. He tries not to wince when Aang’s arms wrap around him next. He has a harder time masking his emotions when Aang whispers to him that his father is still alive, but imprisoned and without his bending.

“You can do that?” Zuko asks, and then he is also crying. He’s unsure why; he knows he feels no relief over the idea of his father still being alive, but he is definitely overcome with some emotion, which is too much to bear.

“Long story,” Aang answers, still laughing and crying, and lets Zuko go. No longer is he the tiny annoying kid that Zuko chased around the world, but a fully realized Avatar who just ended the Hundred-Year war. He hopes that his friends all see him in a similar light, as well, despite the crying.

“Are you all okay?” Katara asks them all, then points. “Sokka your leg!”

“Oh, it’s not that bad,” Sokka says with a grin, but then he shifts his weight and grimaces. He’s also holding his shoulder at a strange angle, but makes no other indication that he is in pain. Zuko moves over in the stiff bed with only a bit of difficulty and pats the spot next to him. Sokka sits without complaint. “Okay, it is a little bad. Are you guys okay? Gotta say, not a lot of fun showing up to the palace and hearing that you’re being treated for battle wounds.”

At that moment, the palace physician opens the door to the room. She’s an older woman, and must be new to the palace, as Zuko does not recognize her face.

“I will need everyone to step out so I can see to the prince, please.”

No one seems particularly pleased at this statement, which warms something in Zuko, and he insists to them that he will be fine. Seeing their distress, the doctor also reassures that she will be quick and then Zuko can be relocated to a larger room. The attendant standing outside of the doorway offers to take them to such a room, but Toph insists on waiting in the hall. No one argues with Zuko’s friends any further.

As Sokka starts to stand, pain clear on his face, Zuko puts a hand on his arm to stop him. “Sokka’s leg needs to be looked at, too.”

The physician doesn’t argue, and Sokka settles back in his spot next to Zuko. When the rest of their friends have hesitantly shuffled out of the room, Zuko feels his shoulders relax and eyes close. Katara is the last one to leave the room, still standing in the doorway, and he can just barely hear her explaining quietly to the woman how she’d healed him as much as she could before the door closes. Sokka, still seated side-by-side with Zuko, leans into him a bit.

“Zuko?”

It might take a bit longer than it should for Zuko to open his eyes again, but when he does, he realizes that he is laying down, and he sees that the physician is standing over him and Sokka is leaning against the wall in the corner of the small room, watching him with wide eyes. He isn’t sure who is speaking to him, or what they’ve asked him, so he doesn’t answer. He can tell they’re both worried, which confuses him. Katara healed him, right? The danger of dying has passed, and he just needs to rest now.

Zuko closes his eyes again, feeling the strain of breathing returning. It’s as if his ribs don’t want to cooperate with his lungs, so he can’t take in a deep breath, which he feels he desperately needs to do. He coughs, and it burns his chest horribly, and his hands both fly up to the source of the pain, but instead of shirt or skin he feels only bandages. When were those placed on him?

Someone comes to his aid quickly and helps him get into more of a sitting position. He feels the tense strain on his lungs ease, and takes in a gasping breath.

When he opens his eyes this time, he is in his childhood bedroom – which should be impossible, because he thinks he was awake this entire time and never felt himself being moved – and his friends are all present.

Katara and Aang are standing at the foot of the bed crying, and Toph leans against the far wall behind them with her arms crossed over her chest, a frown on her face, and Momo draped over her shoulders. Suki and Sokka stand on either side of him, and are the ones who have helped to prop him up. Everyone is still dirty, wearing the same clothes they were when Zuko saw them last, so not much time must have passed, though he is still confused about being in a new room and with how Sokka’s leg is now wrapped and in a splint.

Suki busies herself with shoving pillows behind Zuko’s back to keep him in an upright position, while Sokka smiles sadly at Zuko when they make eye contact.

“Hey buddy, how are you feeling?”

Zuko feels terrified. Is he dying? Is that why all of his friends look so sad? They just ended the war, and should be celebrating, but instead everyone looks as if the worst thing in the world has happened.

Would Zuko dying be the worst thing in the world to happen to them right now? Somehow the idea of that doesn’t comfort him, but makes him feel awful enough to start crying as well. He feels immensely grateful to his friends for taking him in when they had no reason to give him any kindness, and for feeling for him so fiercely, but also can’t help the wave of guilt that accompanies it. He won’t die, because now more than ever they deserve to be happy, and he won’t be the reason for their misery any longer.

So Zuko leans back into the pillows and tries a smile. “Never better.” It comes out a bit shaky between the deep gulps for air and tears in his eyes, but everyone seems to relax with it, so he must be at least a bit convincing.

3

Two months after the end of the war, Zuko is restless and fed up with feeling powerless as the future Fire Lord.

Zuko, his uncle, Aang, and the Earth King had drafted the Harmony Restoration Movement shortly after the end of the war, but it is not being received well by the colonies. The plan is to relocate the Fire Nation citizens back to the Fire Nation, relinquishing control of the cities they occupy back to the Earth Kingdom. The Fire Nation has also agreed to help with the reconstruction of any cities affected by the colonies, to include resource and labor assistance. It is a huge endeavor, to last several years, and to begin in just a few months.

Colonies have been writing to the Fire Nation capitol asking questions and voicing their protests, with some even outright declaring that they will not be complying with the Harmony Restoration Movement as written. Spurred by the discontent, some Fire Nation ministers have started rallying citizens from the islands over it, so now they are facing backlash from both the colonies and islands. Uncle has told Zuko several times that everyone will come around with time, but Zuko is unconvinced.

Feeling that he needs to do something and encouraged by some advice, Zuko is planning to take matters into his own hands in the only way he can as the Crown Prince. He will travel to the Earth Kingdom, visit the colonies himself, and speak with them. If he can just hear them out, and let them hear him out, maybe everyone can come to an understanding. Maybe he can show everyone his intentions, and learn more about why it is they oppose the decolonization so strongly.

He goes over this plan with Mai in his free time, and though he can tell the repetitive conversation bores her, she is supportive and offers her opinions freely, which he appreciates.

“I think it’s a great idea, Zuko, but it’s going to take a lot of time. Are you really okay with being away for that long?”

It’s a fair point, and one that had held Zuko back from committing to the idea for a while, but he’s already made up his mind.

“I trust Uncle to handle things while I’m away, and he can always reach me by letter if needed. I just feel like if I don’t do this, I’m telling my people that I don’t care about what they have to say about this. I don’t want to make decisions like this without understanding how it impacts their lives.”

Mai smiles softly at him and squeezes his hand. “I’m proud of you, but I’ll miss you.”

Zuko feels his expression fall. “What?” Selfishly, he’d assumed that Mai would come with him when he leaves. He’s going to be gone for months, maybe a whole year, after all, so it only makes sense that she would come with him.

He hadn’t even asked her if that’s what she would want, and when he realizes this, he feels a flood of shame. She seems to see it, or maybe she knows him well enough at this point to know what he is thinking. Her smile turns sad and she drops his hand.

“You’ll write to me, right?”

Before he can answer, Qiu, Zuko’s head attendant, knocks on his bedroom door to let them know that the Fire Lord is ready for the meeting Zuko has called. It’s time for Zuko to present his plan to everyone.

One month ago, Sokka was at the Fire Nation Palace to coordinate with Zuko and Iroh about resource aid and trade deals between the South and Fire Nation. While he was here, he helped Zuko realize that he wanted to do more about this whole issue, and Zuko has been meticulously planning every detail in every minute of free time he has had since. Mai being there has nothing to do with the plan, but the thought that she won’t be there leaves him feeling a bit lonely. He will likely have several advisors, attendants, and guards with him, but he doesn’t know any of them very well, and the thought of being away from anyone he is close to for so long almost has him hesitating. But he can’t back down because he is afraid of being alone.

He promises Mai that he will write to her, and Iroh happily approves his plan without much convincing. Mai does not come to see him off when he departs for the Earth Kingdom by airship two weeks later.

4

Several weeks into Zuko’s mission in the Earth Kingdom, Sokka joins him. Zuko had received a letter from Sokka just before he departed asking if he could travel with Zuko, and it had been a welcome surprise. Zuko, of course, responded right away with an affirmative as well as a copy of Qiu’s detailed itinerary. Sokka met up with them at the third stop of their long journey.

Having the company is a huge relief to Zuko. Sokka keeps the traveling interesting, and provides a valuable insight into what the colonists are saying. Most of the work is draining, but Zuko finds that it feels less so when Sokka is around.

This makes Zuko extra guilty when, about a month into Sokka’s traveling with them, Zuko causes a bit of a scene.

In total, about ten people are traveling with Zuko. This includes Sokka, five Fire Nation guards, two advisors, one attendant, and Qiu. Between each colony they primarily travel by ostrich horse, and will stay overnight in each city or town they visit when possible. When not possible, they set up camp.

It’s on one such night that Zuko’s temper flares. Literally.

Tents are being pitched in the light of the setting sun, and Zuko is sitting next to Sokka by the fire as he’s cooking. More precisely, Sokka is trying to cook some leftovers he’d brought with them from the last town they were in, and Zuko is laughing at him as he tries to bring some stale bread back to life with way too much water.

Qiu is fussing over the tents, and he is arguing with the other attendant about some missing items. Zuko tries to ignore it, having been on unfriendly terms with Qiu thus far into the trip, but feels his ears prick when he hears the reason behind the man’s despair.

“It can’t have gone missing. Those were the prince’s best clothes! What will he wear to meet King Kuei?”

In an instant, Zuko feels the blood begin to boil in his veins.

When Zuko had first pitched his plan to Uncle, everything had gone perfectly. Qiu was tasked with helping Zuko plan a schedule for stopping in each colony, and initially things were going well. Qiu was a huge help in coordinating meetings with every colony leader, and in the end the trip was planned out to take nearly a year.

Then, one day, Qiu entered the meeting room with the news that he had arranged a meeting with Earth King Kuei in Ba Sing Se.

Zuko had been furious. He had no intention to meet with the Earth King, and made that very clear, but the damage had already been done. To continue to argue against it would have been childish and unbecoming of him. That doesn’t stop the sour mood he is put in every time the Ba Sing Se stop or Earth King is mentioned, though.

“Oh no,” Zuko says, channeling his inner Sokka with as much sarcasm as he can muster. “What ever will we do? I guess I’ll just have to meet him in my normal clothes. What a shame.”

Sokka laughs, though Zuko can tell there is an uneasiness behind it. Qiu turns to look at Zuko with a look like he’s just bit into a lemon apple.

“Preposterous! We have plenty of time before we reach Ba Sing Se, Prince Zuko. I will send for clothing more befitting the occasion.”

Zuko doesn’t answer, but makes his annoyance known with a huff. Qiu goes back to his search. The other attendant, a kind but shy lady by the name of Sora, tells Qiu that the trunk containing the clothes is missing, and that it has likely been either lost or stolen.

This sends Qiu into a tizzy. “Stolen! The finest guards in the Fire Nation with us, and the trunk was stolen?”

The guards, who have just finished with setting up the tents and are now sitting down to begin making their own food, look among each other wearily. Zuko feels defensive over them. The five of them work incredibly hard, and are some of the most loyal people to him and his uncle. If the trunk had been stolen, he knows it is not due to a lack of diligence on their part.

“Who cares?” Zuko snaps. “It’s just clothes. It doesn’t matter.”

“Who cares?” Qiu rounds on Zuko again. In the past, Zuko has always respected the man for the way he doesn’t tiptoe around Zuko; he says what he means, and doesn’t seem to care much that Zuko is the Crown Prince. It’s one of the reasons Zuko chose Qiu as his head advisor – he values people who aren’t afraid to speak their mind. But right now, in this moment? Zuko is valuing that quality a lot less. “Prince Zuko, the Earth King is not one of your friends. You cannot show up to Ba Sing Se looking as you would normally! Those clothes were specially chosen–”

Zuko’s had enough. He’s sick of hearing about King Kuei and Ba Sing Se. He stands and feels the roar of the fire rise with his voice. “Enough! If I hear one more word about–”

Sokka cries out in pain next to Zuko, cutting his shout short.

Shocked into silence, Zuko looks down as Sokka stumbles back from the once docile flames. He’s cradling his arm to his chest, but already looking up at Zuko with a wobbling smile. He looks away just as a tear rolls down one of his cheeks, but Zuko sees it even as Sokka tries to hide it.

“I’m okay! No biggie, totally my fault.”

The flames of the campfire stutters, and then they shrink back to its natural burning state. Zuko feels frozen in place, horrified by what he’s done.

Sokka continues talking loudly, standing up and removing his small pot of stew and soggy bread from the fireside. “I always was pretty clumsy. I guess that’s why my sister was born a healer, right? Someone’s got to take care of me.” He laughs at his own joke, but everyone around seems to be ignoring him and watching Zuko instead. Zuko keeps his eyes glued to Sokka, to the way he moves every limb of his body exaggeratedly, the way he subtly swipes his hand over his cheek to wipe away the escaped tears, and then he is stepping in front of Zuko, cutting of his vision of the others behind him. He is no longer holding his arm as if hurt, but he is holding it in a manner in which Zuko cannot see if there is a burn. There must be. Sokka would not have cried out, not shed tears, otherwise.

He’s burned Sokka. He lost control of his temper, and because of it, Sokka has been burned. Zuko is going to be sick.

“You know that actually reminds me, I had wanted to ask you something about Katara. Wanna eat with me over here?” Sokka is smiling at him, and his eyes are soft and forgiving, and Zuko will never deserve to be looked at by him like that. It’s all he can do to nod numbly and be led away from the fire.

Sokka stops a bit away from the group and sits in the dirt, his back to the fire. Zuko sits across from him and watches their company slowly resume making food and moving about the tents. They’re far enough away that they can speak privately, but not so far away that the light doesn’t reach them well enough.

Half of the food that Sokka had been preparing is placed onto a separate dish and offered to Zuko. Zuko doesn’t hide that he’s staring at Sokka’s wrist. Now he can see there is a swollen red stripe on the inside of it, a thin curved mark the length of a finger. Sokka pretends not to notice the staring, until Zuko refuses to take the offered food from him.

“It’s not that bad,” Sokka says gently. He puts down the bowl and offers his arm to Zuko for inspection. “I just bumped it against the pot. It’ll go away.”

It isn’t that bad, Zuko concedes internally, though it might not go away. It is welted enough that Zuko can tell it has the chance of scarring. Sokka should really put something cool on it, or dunk his arm in some water, or–

“Hey.” Sokka’s voice is softer than it should be. The bowl of food is shoved into Zuko’s hands. “It’s not your fault.”

“Of course it’s my fault,” Zuko says, because it’s true. “I should have known better. Controlled myself better.”

“It had nothing to do with you,” Sokka says, scooping a spoonful of food into his mouth. Zuko can’t tell if he’s trying to convince Zuko with his casualness, or if he truly believes what he’s saying. “I bumped my arm against the pot. You didn’t do anything.”

Zuko doesn’t know what to say to that. He has no real argument, since he hadn’t actually seen Sokka get burned, so he stays quiet. After a minute of Sokka eating in silence, Zuko begins to eat as well.

Leftovers or not, the stew is delicious, though the soggy bread is just a bit off-putting. Zuko still finishes it, shortly after Sokka scrapes his own bowl clean. It’s as Zuko collects their dishes and places them to the side that Sokka speaks again.

“So, what is going on with you and the Earth King?”

This conversation was going to happen eventually. Even still, he doesn’t feel much like talking about it. For the past month he’s been considering telling Sokka about his apprehensions with seeing King Kuei, but always held himself back. What if he comes across as immature, like he is complaining about it? He’s already proven tonight that he still can’t really control his emotions. He doesn’t want to further sour Sokka’s opinion of him.

“What do you mean?” Zuko stalls.

With the fire as a halo of light behind him, Sokka appears to be glowing in the darkness. The view makes Zuko think that Sokka would look good in reds and oranges.

Sokka is kind, so he acts as if Zuko isn’t avoiding talking about his feelings. “Well, I just thought it was a bit weird that you’re planning on meeting with him on this trip. I didn’t want to question it, but it seems like there might be some… resentment about it? Was it Iroh’s idea?”

If it were Uncle’s idea, would Zuko still be so angry about it? Yes, he thinks he would. It’s not how the meeting was arranged, but the why that bothers him.

“No.” Zuko tries to sound as if he’s having a mature conversation with his friend, but can’t keep the grumble out of his voice completely. “Qiu planned it.”

“Qiu? Why, to get Kuei’s input? Are you guys going to redraft the Harmony Restoration Movement?”

Sokka is a great friend, which Zuko already knows, but he sometimes finds himself surprised that the honor of receiving that attention extends to him. There was a time, only months ago, when he would have bet his life that Sokka was only pretending to like him. Now, he understands that Sokka is trying to give Zuko the space to vent to him about something that has clearly been bothering him in a natural way. Zuko, again, thinks that he doesn’t deserve this type of kindness.

“No,” Zuko starts. He allows his shoulders to relax, letting out a deep breath. “Remember when I told you about the unrest in the colonies? I had pitched the idea to Uncle and the others to let me visit each of the colonies. This way, I can speak to all of them personally, hear out their complaints, and show them what it is we’re trying to do. It was going so well, and Qiu was helping me with planning the schedule and all of the stops, and then out of nowhere he lets us all know that he wrote to Kuei and arranged a meeting with him!”

As if to further prove Zuko right that Sokka is a great friend, he leans in to Zuko as he talks, pays attention to every word, and reacts in all the correct ways. “What!”

“I know! And how can we cancel a meeting with the Earth King, especially after making it known that I’m going to be wandering around his kingdom for a whole year? Even Uncle said I had to go through with it.” Zuko huffs, trying not to shout. “I just wanted to be there, to talk to them and help everyone get on the same page about the deconstruction of the colonies, but now…” Zuko rubs his hands over his face, as if he can wipe away the annoyance that has slipped into his voice. He’s doesn’t want to sound like he’s ungrateful or complaining, but isn’t doing a great job at that.

“It feels like political pandering?” Sokka finishes the thought for him, in a voice that makes it clear he is on the same page as Zuko.

“Yes!” Zuko bursts out, happy to finally have someone who understands exactly why he feels so strongly against involving the Earth King on this trip. Behind Sokka, the flames of the campfire climb just a bit higher. Zuko lowers his voice. Remembers the burn. Tries to stay on track. “He’s throwing a party, Sokka.”

Sokka hums, nodding along to Zuko’s words, and Zuko is struck with deep gratitude. Sokka understands, and does not think that Zuko is crazy for thinking this. Even if it’s too late to cancel the meeting with Kuei, to remove Ba Sing Se from their itinerary altogether, Zuko feels better knowing that at least one other person is on his side about this.

“Well, at least it’s not all bad,” Sokka says, smiling widely at Zuko. “Think of it as more of a chance to touch base with him. You can talk about the Restoration together, and share what you’ve learned so far from your work in the colonies.”

The words seem to suck the last bit of annoyance right out of Zuko. It’s as though the weight of this has been clinging to his shoulders for the entire two months since he first embarked on this journey, and Sokka has just dusted it all off effortlessly. He should really apologize to Qiu.

“Thank you, Sokka.”

Sokka’s smile widens. The sight is comforting to Zuko, for some reason. “Plus, those tiny foods they serve at Earth Kingdom parties are pretty worth it to me.”

5

The party that the Earth King throws for Zuko’s arrival is nothing short of a complete political spectacle, but Sokka was right about one thing: the tiny foods are pretty worth it.

It’s now been half a year since Zuko first left the Fire Nation on a mission to speak with his people from the colonies in a more intimate setting, and he’s learned a lot. Namely, that he will not be going through with the Harmony Restoration Movement as currently drafted. It’s one of the main reasons he’s so grateful that Sokka has accompanied him on this trip; together they collect testimonies from each person they talk to, and those, coupled with their own account of the trip, will act as Zuko’s evidence to make the necessary revisions to it. Without him, it would just be Zuko’s own word, which might not count for much against both the Earth King and Aang. Zuko hopes it will be enough, for the good of both his people and the people of the Earth Kingdom.

Before the party had started, Zuko told himself that he would not bring this up to King Kuei. He needs to finish speaking to all the colonies before any decisions are made. He does, however, tell Kuei that he is learning much more than he expected on his trip and that he is gaining a whole new perspective on the situation with the colonies, hoping that the discussion can evolve from there. But Kuei just commends him on his dedication to making such a long journey, and then excuses himself to deal with a situation in which his pet, Bosco, has relieved himself on a noblewoman’s dress and shoes. Zuko consoles himself with the knowledge that he’d tried, and that there will be plenty of time for serious discussions on the matter once the trip has reached its end.

Everyone in Zuko’s traveling party attends the event, and he encourages them all to enjoy themselves and mingle as they wish. As the celebration comes to an end and the Earth King announces that he will be retiring for the night, Zuko is glad to see that they all seem to have enjoyed themselves.

Sokka has stayed by Zuko’s side for a majority of the night, slipping away only temporarily and returning with snacks and fizzy drinks that cloud their heads and redden their cheeks. Zuko’s guards are treated as guests, and seem to enjoy the time to relax and mingle with others. The two advisors appear to have left the party early along with Qiu, but Sora is still in the grand room when Sokka asks Zuko if he’s ready to return to their rooms for the night.

Actually, now that Zuko is watching, it appears that Sora is tied up in a conversation with an Earth Kingdom noblewoman. His shy companion is much taller than the light-haired woman in green finery, but seems to shrink under her gaze as they talk. Her face is also a noticeable shade of pink, though if it’s from drink or embarrassment, Zuko can’t tell.

“Look,” Zuko says and points, before he thinks better of it. His hand drops before anyone else can see him pointing, but Sokka’s gaze still catches on the pair of women standing at the edge of the room. “Is she bothering Sora?”

Sokka snorts, surprising Zuko. “She doesn’t seem real bothered to me.”

Before Zuko can ask what that means, he watches as the woman reaches up to lightly trail her fingers down Sora’s arm, smiling flirtatiously. Zuko looks away just as Sora pivots her head around, making sure no one is watching.

“It’s rude to stare, you know. Leave her alone.”

Sokka hooks an arm around Zuko’s shoulders and steers him out of the grand room, stumbling a bit as they go. Zuko’s face feels hot with shame.

“I didn’t know!” He hisses at Sokka, trying to defend himself. He hadn’t meant to call attention to them.

“Doesn’t matter! Not your business.”

One of the Earth King’s men escorts them to their rooms, which are adjacent to each other. Since Sokka seems to be having a harder time staying upright, they enter his room first.

Zuko can’t get the image out of his head now, of the Earth Kingdom woman flirting so openly with Sora. He doesn’t want to worry about it – like Sokka said, it’s not his business – but he knows the laws.

For a hundred years, same-sex relationships had been outlawed in the Fire Nation, punishable by death in some cases. It was one of the first laws Iroh and Zuko spoke of repealing, in the first meeting they’d had once Zuko was able to stay awake for longer than a thirty-minute conversation following his fight with Azula. Back then, it’d been a no-brainer decision; the last thing Zuko wants is for any of his people to live in fear for being who they are. Iroh had readily agreed with him, and that was that.

Except, it hadn’t been so easy. The Fire Nation is ruled by the Fire Lord, who has the final say on these matters, but each city state governs itself independently, and there had been mixed reactions when the repeal had gone into place. Some places outright refused to obey the repeal, saying that although the Fire Nation had decided not to make such relations illegal, the city will continue to act as such.

It had caused a commotion when Zuko steadfastly stood against that. He wanted to extend protections to all of his people, not just those who were lucky enough to live in certain tolerant cities. Many on the council warned against forcing the hands of those who did not agree with him, but he had Iroh’s support, so the change was made. It was one of the last things they worked on together before he left on this trip.

Zuko remembers researching extensively, finding out all he could on how different regions handle these types of relations, before coming to his decision. He would not tolerate any single person in the Fire Nation living in fear for something they could not control.

He remembers learning that, in the Earth Kingdom, such relationships are still outlawed in many places, and looked down on in many others.

He worries for Sora.

“Sokka?”

Sokka is busy with kicking off his shoes and removing his vest at the same time, a feat which seems beyond him currently.

“Hmm?”

“Are same-sex relationships illegal in the South?”

Sokka, to his credit, does seem to be distracted by the two tasks he seems to be struggling with. Zuko attributes this to the way he turns to squint at Zuko incredulously and shout “What?”

Zuko takes pity on Sokka, helping him to remove his vest as he finally gets his second shoe off before repeating his question. “Are same-sex relationships illegal in the Southern Water Tribe?”

“What kind of question even is that?”

Ah. So maybe Sokka hadn’t been distracted by his inability to undress himself. Zuko holds the vest in his hands like it can shield him from this conversation going wrong. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Sokka disagrees with him on this. Over the past six months the two of them have gotten fairly close as friends, and Zuko values Sokka’s opinion, but Zuko is sure about how he feels on this matter. He knows that he won’t be able to see Sokka the same from this point forward if they don’t agree.

Like a coward, Zuko skirts around the issue a bit.

“I know it’s not my business, but I’m just worried. The Fire Nation has only just repealed the laws against it, but I know the Earth Kingdom isn’t as lenient. I don’t want Sora to get into any trouble.”

Sokka drops into his bedside chair, staring at Zuko like he’s speaking a completely different language.

“Laws? What are you even talking about. That kind of stuff isn’t anyone’s business. Why would we have laws about it?”

“Oh,” Zuko says, not disagreeing. Things should be as simple as that, shouldn’t they? The relief he feels is like a palpable thing in the air. He explains: “Sozin outlawed it, around the same time he started the war. As far as I know, the Earth Kingdom has always been very strict about this sort of thing, though.”

Sokka frowns, still squinting at Zuko. “So what? Are you going to lock Sora up then?”

“What? No! Of course not.”

“Are you going to let Kuei lock her up?”

“No. No one is going to do anything to Sora.” Not if he has anything to say about it. Besides, the Earth King wouldn’t allow something like that to happen to someone traveling with the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, right? It’s bad for politics.

Sokka snorts for the second time tonight, his face relaxing. “For her sake, I hope that’s not true.”

It takes a second for the implication to sink in. When it does, Zuko’s face burns. “Sokka!”

Sokka laughs. “What? If any one of us deserve some fun, it’s Sora.”

Zuko balls up the vest in his hands and throws it at Sokka. It smacks him in the face, but only seems to make him laugh harder.

“That’s so stupid, making laws for things like that. I can’t believe you guys were winning the war.”

Zuko rolls his eyes. “Yeah, with warriors like you it’s surprising we ever stood a chance, right?”

Sokka pays no mind to Zuko’s deadpan sarcasm, instead letting his smile grow wider. “Well, it wasn’t until I came along that the war ended, so I guess I’ll accept your thanks for saving the world.”

“Sure, be sure to forward it to the Avatar for me?”

Sokka’s wounded look only lasts a second before he’s laughing again, seemingly out of full control of his reactions. Zuko wonders if he had more of those drinks than he had let on. It wouldn’t surprise Zuko to find out Sokka was downing full glasses before rejoining his side every time he snuck off to fetch them more refreshments.

“No, but seriously, that’s like trying to outlaw brown hair. How dumb.”

“I agree,” Zuko says. “That’s why we repealed it.”

“Good.” Sokka leans his head back and closes his eyes. His voice turns somber. “I can’t imagine being told it’s illegal to love someone. Imagine if one day someone told you that you just weren’t allowed to love Mai anymore? I don’t know about you, but I’d start a war over Suki.”

Zuko can actually sympathize with feeling as if his existence is just… incorrect. It had seemed, for a long stretch of his life, that every choice he made was wrong, and every thing about him was a mistake.

When Zuko was searching the world for the Avatar, he had learned that two members of his crew had fallen in love. At first, he had been sick with the thought that as a damaged and dishonorable prince he surely only deserved the most damaged and dishonorable crew in the Fire Nation. After months, and then years, of living and interacting with the entire crew, Zuko had begun to see the error of his thinking. His crew was fiercely protective of the couple, and did not shy away from voicing their overwhelming support. Zuko had asked what became of them, after Zhao stole his men, and Iroh finally admitted after they’d arrived in Ba Sing Se as fugitives that he’d overheard Zhao had found the two men out, and executed them along with three others who spoke out in their defense. Zuko had spent the rest of that night retching and crying, and Iroh had left their small apartment and not returned until nearly morning. They never spoke of it again, but his old crew was always at the front of Zuko’s mind when he made the decision to repeal the ban on same-sex relationships.

It’s not the same. How can it be? Zuko was a fugitive for his own choices, his own mistakes. His people, his friends, were being killed for something they had no choice in. They were hurting no one, doing nothing wrong. He couldn’t allow it to continue.

Zuko thinks about how Mai and he had left things, two whole seasons ago when he’d first left the Fire Nation. She had asked him to write to her, but it has now been several months since either of them has sent a letter. She didn’t even come to say goodbye to him when he left. She had explained in a letter later that it was because she was afraid of crying when he left, which had soured something in Zuko’s stomach. If Mai were leaving for such a long time, he would at least show up to tell her goodbye, whether he ended up crying or not. He didn’t tell her that, not wanting to start an argument. Arguments seem to come to the two of them so naturally. Although he hates the idea of the choice being taken from him, he does not think he would start a war over not being able to love Mai.

“Can I ask, how did you know you loved Suki?”

Sokka’s eyes open and he looks at Zuko curiously. Not offended, luckily, but confused and intrigued.

“Man, you’re nosy today. Why do you want to know?”

Zuko doesn’t really have a good answer to that, but he splutters at being called nosy. He turns on his heel to hide his embarrassment and makes for the door. “Forget I asked. I’m going to bed. Don’t sleep in too late or I’m going food-stall hunting without you.”

Sokka’s up and grabbing onto Zuko’s wrist faster than he thought the man capable of in his current state. He laughs through his words, betraying how inebriated he is. “Sorry, sorry! I was only making fun.”

Zuko shakes Sokka’s grip from his arm, turning to glare at him. Before he can tell Sokka to go to bed, Sokka’s gaze softens in a way Zuko’s never seen before. He holds his tongue.

“When we were still being chased by Azula, she came with us across the Serpent’s Pass on our way to Ba Sing Se. I was so worried about protecting her the entire time, but it turned out she was just there to keep me safe. It was nice, knowing she cared about me that much, even though the idea of her getting hurt drove me crazy. But I knew for sure that I loved her when she left afterward, and it felt like I couldn’t breathe right without her– like there was something stuck in my chest.”

Zuko wonders if Sokka would ever volunteer this information sober. He feels honored to be trusted with it, regardless.

“When did you know you loved Mai?”

Zuko doesn’t know how to answer that. He feels like the straightforward answer is when he returned to the Fire Nation after his banishment and they’d started dating. He’d definitely felt the sting of jealousy back then, and hadn’t doubted his feelings for her. The romantic answer would be when she betrayed Azula for him, declaring her own love to everyone at Boiling Rock. The guilt over leaving her had eaten at him for weeks. Maybe the hopeful answer is when they reunited after the war, when she’d arrived at his side and helped nurse him back to health as he recovered from Azula’s lighting? Nothing feels right, though, so he doesn’t answer.

Perhaps the fact that he needs to debate over which answer would be most appropriate to give, straightforward, romantic, or hopeful, is a sign that Zuko needs to think more closely on his relationship with Mai.

“Get some sleep, Sokka.”

6

A month after meeting the Earth King in Ba Sing Se, Zuko crumbles under the pressure.

Yi is a relatively new colony, and there isn’t a single Fire Nation inhabitant of it that has lived there for half a lifetime. Despite this, they are incredibly vocal about their negative stance on the impending relocation back to the Fire Nation. The mayor of Yi, a large, loud man placed in power by Ozai almost two decades ago, leads the charge in keeping an undercurrent of hostility in the conversations.

Due to the location of Yi, Qiu hadn’t planned to stay in the town longer than a few hours before moving on to the next colony, which is only a two hour walk away. They’ll stay overnight there before meeting with the colonists in the morning. Zuko had protested at first, wanting to get as much time as possible with each place they stop in, but now wishes he had found a way to cut the time even shorter.

By the time he and the guards make the walk back down the mountain to where the ostrich horses are packed and waiting to go, Zuko is drained. That morning, Sokka hadn’t been feeling well, so Zuko made him stay at camp and rest. Now, as Zuko approaches, Qiu rushes over to Zuko’s carriage cart and pulls back the curtain, bellowing that Sokka needs to get out and back to his own ostrich horse.

Zuko barely has the energy to be annoyed. “It’s fine, Qiu. There’s plenty of room.” He ignores Qiu’s scandalized look and spluttered protests as he climbs into the carriage, but Qiu still passes a bag to him and mentions that there is some food in there for Sokka before he closes the curtain and scampers back to his own ostrich horse.

There actually isn’t much room in the carriage, as it was meant for Zuko alone, but that hasn’t stopped Sokka from sneaking into it whenever he gets the chance, complaining that riding in a saddle hurts his backside and makes it impossible to nap. Zuko’s gotten used to the feeling of Sokka pressed against him, hip to knee and shoulder to elbow, and usually ends up with Sokka’s snoring head pillowed on him in some way or another. Qiu finds it incredibly inappropriate, but Zuko doesn’t mind.

A sickly Sokka is drooping over in the seat, but has already moved over to make room for Zuko, so it’s at least obvious that he’s awake. Almost as soon as Zuko is seated, the cart begins to move.

Sokka really does look awful. He’s pale, and sweat clings to his arms and face despite the cool breeze that blows through the fabric curtains. His hair is down, probably a result of the headache Sokka had been complaining about earlier, and his clothes are damp with sweat and rumpled from napping in the carriage cart.

“How are you feeling?” Zuko doesn’t know why he asks. He can see plain as day that Sokka looks no better than he did this morning.

“Never better,” Sokka lifts his pale face to look at Zuko. He slumps back this time, leaning his head against the side of the seat and allowing the cool air to blow the loose hair away from his forehead. “How was Yi?”

Zuko lets out a long breath, not knowing where to begin. “They hate me. That’s about it.”

“No! Surely not you, Crown Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation? Everyone adores you!”

“You really are sick. Your sarcasm isn’t even funny today.”

Sokka smiles, a real smile, which relieves Zuko. This morning Sokka had barely been coherent enough to finish a full sentence, so it’s nice to see him trying to crack jokes and smiling. It’s like he’s coming back to himself.

“Got an appetite yet?” Zuko pulls the bag off of his shoulder, digging out a wrapped bundle of dry bread and jerky of some kind. It makes Zuko happy to know that Sokka’s wellbeing is on Qiu’s mind.

Sokka makes a noncommittal sound, which Zuko chooses to interpret as him being willing to try, so he begins to break the bread into smaller pieces for him.

Zuko remembers being sick when he was younger, on the ship when he was still searching for the Avatar, and his uncle would feed him bits of dried, almost stale bread with tea when he had no appetite. As he breaks the bread up, all he can see is his uncle’s aged hands doing the same for him, he can almost smell the calming scent of jasmine brewing at his bedside, and he’s struck with the painful ache of missing him. He hadn’t realized it then, not truly, but his uncle had always cared for him more than he could understand. He had always taken his uncle’s caring for granted, but now craves his confusing words of wisdom and calming tea recipes more than anything.

Zuko’s eyes sting, but he doesn’t realize how close he is to crying until Sokka is leaning over and asking “So, is it customary to rehydrate it with tears, or did they actually hate you?”

Embarassingly, Zuko sniffles as he wipes his tears away on the back of his hand. He hands the bread pieces to Sokka, though he seems much less inclined to eat them now that they’ve been cried on. Whoops.

“What’s wrong?”

Zuko will not admit to missing his uncle, so he focuses on the cause of his stress.

“I have my work cut out for me.”

Sokka doesn’t ask what Zuko means, and maybe he doesn’t have to. He’s been with Zuko to countless colonies now, seen and heard almost all of the same things Zuko has, and so he must be coming to the same conclusion Zuko is.

The Harmony Restoration Movement isn’t going to work.

Some colonies, like Yi, are so new that they are still practically Earth Kingdom towns with Fire Nation banners waving from their rooftops. Ironically, these seem to be the most aggressively against the movement, due to the money that the families who have relocated here are making, but Zuko sees no issue with continuing their relocation as planned.

Other colonies, dozens of colonies that they have visited so far, are so old that they don’t appear to be either Fire Nation or Earth Kingdom. To uproot the lives of the people there could put the entire city in jeopardy, leaving it in a worse state than if the colony remained. He knows he can’t maintain control over these areas, but he also can’t just relinquish the people there to the Earth Kingdom, either. He thinks of his conversation with Sokka in Ba Sing Se, of his desire to protect all of his people, and can’t bear the thought of feeling like he is abandoning them to the Earth Kingdom’s laws. Is it arrogant of him to think of his own ways of governing better than the Earth King’s? Probably, but he can’t stop thinking about it.

What is he going to do?

“Yeah, that’s true,” Sokka says quietly. “But we have time, right? Months to go, dozens more places to see, so on and so forth. You don’t have to know what to do right now.”

Zuko brings his hands to his face, rubbing the tension from his temples. “If I don’t know what to do now, how will I know what to do later? What if…”

Zuko hates crying. He is awful at not crying, but still hates how vulnerable it makes him feel. He hates the way his sinuses sting, how his vision becomes unreliable, how his breathing is harder to control, and how his entire face feels swollen for hours afterwards. More than anything, he hates when others see him cry. The last thing he wants is for Sokka’s perception of him to change, so he tries his best to keep any more tears from falling.

“What if I make the wrong choice?”

Sokka is quiet for a minute, which gives Zuko the time to get himself together.

“I don’t think you will,” Sokka says, and when Zuko turns to look he is smiling kindly. Sokka looks worse than Zuko has ever seen him, but in this moment, Zuko realizes that Sokka is beautiful. Sokka’s smile softens all of his features, radiating warmth. It’s magnetizing, to have someone this beautiful look at you in this way. Even if there is snot dripping from their nose, a feverish flush in their cheeks, and a haze in their eyes that suggests they might be sleepwalking.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do,” Sokka replies easily. “I trust you.”

When Zuko takes in his next breath, it feels as if it lightens him. Having someone’s trust like that should feel like a heavy burden, but it seems to feel the opposite when coming from Sokka. It feels freeing.

It’s a dizzying sensation, foreign to Zuko, and makes him feel a bit breathless.

“You are sick and delusional. I can’t believe a single word that comes out of your mouth.”

Sokka laughs, a loud, thundering laugh that warms Zuko to the core. Zuko would never admit it out loud, but Sokka is one of the funniest people he knows. Being the one to make him laugh for a change always causes a swell of pride to settle in Zuko’s chest. He tries not to think too closely about that.

Sokka’s laughter turns into an awful hacking cough, and Zuko scrambles to get a skin of water to his shaking lips to help. Even so, he can’t quite fight off his smile for the rest of the ride.

7

Yu Dao changes everything.

Their trip is almost at its conclusion, and Yu Dao is one of the last places they are scheduled to stop at. It is a massive colony, one of the oldest, and is considered a flagship to the Fire Nation due to its immense economy. It’s the Nation’s largest supplier of all things metal, but mostly weapons.

As soon as they arrive, they are greeted by the mayor, who is of Fire Nation decent, his wife, who is of Earth Kingdom decent, and their daughter. All three personally escort them to the building they will be staying in for the night. First thing in the morning, the townsfolk greet all eleven of them with a breakfast, and the promise of a tour.

Mayor Morishita leads this tour, accompanied by his daughter, and together they introduce Zuko to the people of Yu Dao. Zuko is grateful that Sokka follows right along with him, because he very easily becomes overwhelmed with everything that he learns.

Every time they meet someone new, Zuko turns to Sokka, and sees that Sokka is already watching Zuko, looking for his reactions. When they tour one of the metalworking factories, and they see earth and firebenders working side-by-side, Zuko looks to Sokka and sees the same amazement reflected back in his eyes. Even the clothing that Yu Dao citizens wear is a statement to who they are; greens draped over reds and blacks, sewn together, complimenting each other.

Zuko looks around Yu Dao and can’t help but feel as if he is glimpsing the future. He hopes this is the future. He hopes this is his future.

At the end of the tour, Mayor Morishita stands with his daughter, and asks Zuko not to go through with the Harmony Restoration Movement. He asks Zuko not to break up his family, any of these families. And what can Zuko say to that?

The Harmony Restoration Movement, as written, would declare that Morishita and the rest of those who are strictly of Fire Nation decent will be relocated to the Fire Nation, while the rest of the townsfolk would stay. They would be losing their families and friends, as well as the working relationship on which Yu Dao operates. This city alone is a major force in the world’s economy, and that economy relies heavily on the work of their earth and firebenders. The Harmony Restoration Movement would completely ruin Yu Dao.

By this point, nearing the end of his time speaking with each Fire Nation colony, Zuko has come to the conclusion that the Harmony Restoration Movement is going to need some additional work. But this? Being here, and seeing the way these people live, have lived for almost a century, and feeling the love that they have for each other and their town, it feels as if it’s changing Zuko.

Zuko had embarked on this trip with the hope of reaching his people, making them understand and helping them feel heard. He was beginning to think that he would return to the Fire Nation palace with doubts and a blurry path forward that he would have to fight to find and forge. Now? Zuko feels emboldened, enlightened, and excited for the future. Zuko is ready to do what is necessary to ensure that Yu Dao is the first of many places around the world in which people are bound by love, not by heritage.

After they are served dinner, Zuko pulls Sokka aside. He can tell that Sokka can feel it too – the buzzing under their skin, like they are both on the edge of cliff and about to jump.

“I can’t do it.”

Sokka’s eyes are wide, and he begins to smile. “Hmm?”

Zuko, despite the fear that this conversation brings, finds himself smiling as well. “I can’t carry out the Harmony Restoration Movement. I can’t do that to these people, to this place.”

Sokka doesn’t say anything for a moment, but Zuko sees the thoughts swarming behind his wide blue eyes. “It will be a fight. A big one. Are you sure you’re ready for it?”

Zuko is. But only if–

“Sokka,” he grabs Sokka’s shoulder, leans in close, says with as much sincerity as he can gather, “this is what we’ve always dreamed of.”

Sokka takes in a deep breath, and Zuko knows that he is going to agree, he has to agree, but he needs to hear it.

Zuko thinks it might be pride that he sees in Sokka’s face. “Yeah, it is.”

Sokka is someone who once hated everything that the Fire Nation stood for. He might have at one point wished Zuko dead, and Zuko can’t even blame him for it. After the Fire Nation took his mother, after they decimated his tribe, after every atrocity and attack and slight done to Sokka by the Fire Nation and firebenders, Sokka has more of a right than anyone to harbor hatred. Sometimes, even now, Zuko will passingly wonder why it is that his friend doesn’t still hate him, and tries not to think about it too closely.

If someone like Sokka, with every reason to hate Zuko, can look at him with such open pride and agree with him about this, he knows that he is making the right decision.

8

Zuko has been home for ten days, and has barely seen a break the entire time.

The work in the colonies is incredibly useful to drafting amendments to the Harmony Restoration Movement, which he has been working on nonstop since he set foot back in Caldera. After Aang and Kuei agreed to hear out any proposed changes, Zuko has been working diligently with a team to perfect the drafts before the two of them arrive to review everything together next week.

Sokka has been instrumental to the work on that, for which Zuko is grateful. Uncle has been very supportive, and, although he is always present and willing to give his opinion or suggestions, he has taken a step back from the drafts and is allowing Zuko to handle the majority of it himself.

He had thought it would be more overwhelming, and it is pretty stressful, but Zuko finds it liberating. He is making a meaningful impact in the lives of his people, and it feels like his. It’s not something that he and Uncle are doing together, or something that he needs Uncle to pitch for him. This is Zuko’s, from start to finish. It’s exciting, for lack of a better term. Sokka might have a better word for it.

It’s also tiring. Iroh, Sokka, and Zuko spend most of their days in a meeting room, hunched over drafts and notes and maps, surrounded by others asking questions and giving input. Yesterday they entered the room at dawn, and did not leave it until long after the sun had disappeared over the horizon. The work was worth it, though, as they had finally finished their first completed draft late last night.

Now, Zuko wakes to the sunrise and finds that, although his mind feels like sludge and his arms like lead, he cannot close his eyes again. The pride swells within him, becoming a near-tangible thing that sits in his chest, refusing him another moment of rest.

Zuko rises, dresses, and walks to the room Sokka is staying in to wake him up, as usual. He knocks, Sokka yells at Zuko to go away. He enters, pulls a pillow out from under Sokka’s drooling face, and asks if he’s hungry. Sokka tells him that’s the king of stupid questions and then gets out of bed like a walking corpse. Zuko waits in the hall for him to dress, and they go to have breakfast with Iroh together.

It’s at breakfast that Zuko suggests a day off.

Sokka perks up at that, almost dropping his slice of bread in a pot of jam. “A day off? Like, no writing?”

Zuko can’t keep a smile off of his face. “Yesterday we finally finished putting everything together, so I think we deserve it.”

“That is an excellent idea, Prince Zuko. When you return to work on it tomorrow, you will both have fresh eyes. That will help you greatly in making any improvements going forward.”

With Uncle’s seal of approval and the promise to meet together for tea in the afternoon, Zuko takes Sokka to the pond.

Winter will be setting in soon, so the weather is nice and cool at the palace. When possible, Zuko likes to spend days like this outdoors. It seems such a waste to spend any of the few days of perfectly balanced weather inside, he thinks, then realizes he is beginning to think like his uncle. Maybe that’s not a completely bad thing, though it is a tiny bit annoying.

They sit on a bench, right on the edge of the pond, and Sokka leans forward with his elbows on his knees to look down at the water while Zuko leans back to look up at the swaying branches of the trees. Sokka always enjoys watching the fish swim around in the water when they come out here, and Zuko thinks that he will invite Sokka again once the warmer weather settles back in and the turtleducks return. With the colorful flowers blooming all around and the soft calls of the ducklings, it’s the nicest time to be in the courtyard.

“You should light a fire,” Sokka says, and rubs his palms together as if cold. “It’s chilly out here.”

It’s not, in fact, chilly out at all. There is a slight breeze, but Zuko doesn’t find himself feeling particularly cold. Sokka, used to living in the icy weather of the South, usually is the first to comment when someone else whines about being cold. You think you know cold? He’d shout. I grew up on a block of ice. This is nothing! Zuko had learned long ago to keep such complaints to himself.

It’s been hard not to notice Sokka’s recent captivation with fire. He has been asking more questions about firebending lately, and always seems to have his full attention captured when Zuko uses the element around him. At first, it was nice to think about; Zuko cares greatly about Sokka’s opinion, he’s come to realize, so the positive attention around his element was refreshing and encouraging.

But Zuko has begun to find it worrying.

Almost a year ago now, Zuko had accidentally caused Sokka to burn himself while cooking. Several months after that, Zuko had lost control of his firebending when they found a Fire Nation war banner in the Earth Kingdom, and Sokka almost burned himself again to pull Zuko away from the flames. It was then that he realized Sokka might be getting too comfortable with firebending, too interested in it, and it may end up causing him to get hurt again.

It’s the first time since meeting the dragons that Zuko has begun to fear his own bending. He hasn’t practiced in a while, and only uses it when necessary. Luckily, his firebending hasn’t been of much use to him lately. He hopes that the fear is unjustified, that he is wrong, but he will not risk it until he is sure.

“Light a fire right here?” Zuko snorts, ignoring the way his heartrate goes up and his thoughts spin. “It’s not even cold.”

Sokka rolls his eyes and tucks his hands under his arms as he leans back, but doesn’t say anything else about it. Maybe Zuko is going crazy. Maybe he is overthinking things.

“Where is Mai?” Sokka asks casually. Zuko’s thoughts begin to spin in another direction. “I haven’t seen her since we got back. Figured she’d be involved a lot more in all of this, what with you being gone for so long.”

Zuko hasn’t seen or heard from Mai since they stopped writing to each other months ago. He didn’t tell her when he arrived back in the Fire Nation, but she must have heard about it from somewhere. In either case, she hasn’t arrived to see him, and he hasn’t sought her out. Zuko debates over whether to tell this to Sokka, and quickly decides that if he can’t tell his best friend about his current romantic struggles, who else could he confide in? “I’m not sure. Actually, I haven’t spoken to her in a while.”

It piques Sokka’s interest, and he turns his attention to Zuko fully. “Did you two break up?”

“Not exactly, but maybe?” Zuko lets out a long breath. His frustration surrounding the whole ordeal is building up within him, and he tries to steady himself with his breathing like his uncle taught him. It ends up warming the air around him, and he pretends not to notice when Sokka scoots just a bit closer to him on the bench as he recounts how he and Mai had left things and stopped talking, his breaths coming out warm and steady all the while. It feels like a weight off of his chest – both to talk about it, and to use his bending in a controlled manner.

“Do you want to break up?” Sokka asks once Zuko has finished speaking.

“I don’t know,” Zuko says honestly. He turns his gaze from the branches of the tree above them to Sokka now. Sokka watches him speak with understanding, which drives him to elaborate. “I don’t want to stop seeing her. But it was always so stressful fighting with her.”

Sokka takes a second before answering, and Zuko can see him thinking carefully before he speaks. “Do you love her?”

Zuko feels small under the question. Yes, he wants to answer automatically, but he remembers their conversation in Ba Sing Se. Sokka is probably thinking about it too, and how he’d dodged the conversation when Mai was brought up back then. “I don’t know,” He repeats lamely instead. “I thought I did, but now I don’t know. It doesn’t feel the way you described it.”

Sokka almost looks like he’s going to laugh, but he doesn’t. He sits up straighter and his mouth comes open in a gasp. “Zuko!” He’s shocked, Zuko realizes, that Zuko is not joking. “You can’t decide if you love Mai based on that.”

Zuko is genuinely confused. “Why not?”

It seems that both Sokka and Zuko are embarrassed about having this conversation. Sokka’s cheeks are red, and he begins flapping his hands around erratically as he talks. “You don’t think you love Mai? You never did?”

Zuko is sure his face is equally red, and he hunches down in his seat. His eyes move to the pond, searching out the fish swimming within it. “I don’t know!” Sokka doesn’t say anything to that, and Zuko refuses to look at him to see his reaction, so he blurts out in one breath: “Sometimes I get relieved when she’s not around, like I don’t have to watch what I say and do. I don’t think that’s love.”

Sokka takes a moment before he answers quietly. “Yeah, maybe not.”

Desperate to make Sokka understand, to feel less like an awful person, Zuko tries to explain himself. “I like being around her, I’d do anything for her, and I trust her more than almost anyone, but I think all of those things about you too. About all of my friends. What if I don’t love her the way I should, and she doesn’t love me?”

It’s a long, quiet moment before Sokka says anything. In that time, Zuko focuses on his breathing. The air surrounding the bench is definitely warmer than it had been, and he tries to focus on not letting any more heat escape him. By the time Sokka finally speaks, Zuko feels more in control again.

“Before Suki, I fell in love with a girl named Yue.”

Zuko remembers this. “The moon spirit. You told me about her.”

“Yeah, and I loved her at first sight.” Sokka’s voice stays quiet, and Zuko turns to look at him again. Sokka is looking up now, as if it were the moon shining light down in between the branches instead of the early morning sun. There is a softness in his face that Zuko can’t recall ever seeing before. “It was a huge, in your face, overwhelming feeling. And then after I started spending time with her, I knew I would never get over her. I don’t think I ever will. Not really.”

With the way Sokka speaks of her, and the look on his face as he does, Zuko believes that.

“But I didn’t love Suki right away,” he continues. As if admitting to something embarrassing, his voice loses the soft quality to it and his smile turns sheepish. “I was really awful to her when we met, and she hated me, but then I spent a few weeks in her village. I came to respect who she was, and I admired her as a warrior.” Sokka laughs at himself. Zuko is struck captive by the words, by the hypnotizing way Sokka is confiding in him. “And then, all of a sudden, I had a crush on her without ever even seeing her face. I never thought anything would come of it, what with us traveling around with Aang and her having her own thing, but then she helped us get to Ba Sing Se, and then she stuck around with us getting ready for the comet after the Boiling Rock, and it was one of the best things to come out of that nightmare.”

Sokka has the same look on his face now that he did in Ba Sing Se. Zuko can tell that he really loves Suki, and wonders if he’s ever looked like that when thinking about Mai. Somehow, he doubts it.

“Anyways, the way that you love someone isn’t going to feel the same as the way anyone else loves someone. You’ll probably even love different people in different ways.”

Thinking over Sokka’s words, Zuko still has their old conversation echoing in his head. Sokka had said it felt like he couldn’t breathe without Suki around, and Zuko doesn’t feel like that with Mai. Without Mai, Zuko might miss her, but he does not crave her presence the way he thinks he should. He doesn’t even feel particularly sad about the idea of breaking up. “I think I could have loved her, but that time has passed. I want to love her, and I think she might want that too, but I’m not sure if it’s right anymore.”

It’s the truth, and Zuko knows that once the words leave him. Instead of feeling sad or regretful, like he thought he would, he feels free having admitted it.

Sokka nods, now turning to face Zuko with a warm smile. “I’m really not the experienced romance guru that I make out to be, you know. I just know what I feel, and all I can really say is that I hope you recognize it when you are in love.”

Zuko is grateful to Sokka’s kindness and support, and feels that in the way his chest feels tight and his breath feels harder to catch all of a sudden.

“Thank you,” Zuko says, and tries hard to help it come through in his voice how much he means it. He doesn’t want to hide from Sokka how appreciative he is.

Zuko would never have guessed how much support he would end up receiving from Sokka in the time before he becomes Fire Lord, and knows he can never repay it all. He’s become more than a great friend to Zuko, and Zuko can only hope that Sokka feels similarly towards him.

Sokka leans over to bump his shoulder to Zuko’s, still smiling. “No thanks needed.”

Hours later, when they stand from their bench to seek out Iroh for lunch, Sokka grabs Zuko’s sleeve just as they are about to enter the hall.

Zuko turns to Sokka, curious and confused. Sokka has an easy smile and an open expression.

“I think you’re doing a really great thing, Zuko. With the colonies.”

Once he’s gotten his praise out in the open, Sokka breezes past to open the door for them while Zuko catches his breath.

After tea with Iroh later in the day, Sokka runs off to take a nap and Zuko hesitates before standing from the table they have been sitting at. His uncle must be able to tell that Zuko is working up the courage to say something, because he simply sips at the last of his drink with a small smile and more patience than should be able to fit into one man.

“Uncle, may I ask you a personal question?”

“You may always ask a question, nephew, but I cannot promise that you will always get your answer,” his uncle laughs kindly to himself.

Zuko ignores the pointed eccentricity of his uncle and blurts out his question before he can convince himself not to: “How did you know you were in love?”

He does not say the name of Lu Ten’s mother, as it is a name he has only heard once in his youth, when he bore witness to the first time he’d seen his great uncle cry. Still, the reference to her seems to add some mist to Iroh’s eyes. An eyebrow raises, prompting elaboration. Zuko’s hands clench on his knees, clutching at the fabric there to steady himself.

“I don’t think I love Mai. Maybe I never did. How do I know if I do?” Even as the words come out, Zuko feels the lie in the pit of his stomach. He doesn’t think he is asking about Mai, anymore. He is confident in what he told Sokka earlier: he does not love Mai. But if not for Mai, why does he feel so consumed with knowing the answer to the question?

Iroh releases a slow breath, his sincere smile never wavering. “Love is not always vast, nephew. Often times it is small, quiet, and humble. But I would consider that if you are questioning it, you may already know how you feel. Will you accept it, or continue to seek the answers from those around you?”

Although the answer is as cryptic as expected, Zuko refrains from flinching back at his uncle’s words, and can’t meet his eye. He thanks Iroh and politely excuses himself.

9

As Sokka continues to offer his assistance on the Harmony Restoration Movement, Zuko collects little moments of approval from Sokka like treasures. He finds himself replaying the moment Sokka had caught him by the sleeve to praise his work with the colonies over and over in his head. Every time he catches himself doing it, he feels a burn of embarrassment course through him, though he’s unsure why. The confusion tends to fluster him further, as if the more he thinks on it, the more wrong it is.

It’s common for him now to find himself paying closer attention to what Sokka does, and feeling more at ease in his presence. It makes finishing their work easy and enjoyable, and when Sokka stands by his side as presents the changes to Aang and Kuei, Zuko feels nothing but confident. It’s as if, with Sokka next to him, he can do anything. He thinks nothing of it until Sokka gets ready to leave. Aang and Kuei have already come to the palace, seen the finalized amendments, and approved everything, so Sokka will be catching a ride back to the South on Appa.

After everything, after weeks of work and a year of being a constant presence, Zuko finds that he isn’t eager for Sokka to go. He’ll miss the company of his friend, if only for the levity and support he provides, and is already inventing reasons in his head for Sokka to return to the palace in the future.

When Zuko goes to see Sokka off, he finds himself anxious of messing it up. He has a tendency to be awkward at times, though lately being with Sokka has felt comfortable and natural. He doesn’t want to strain this goodbye with discomfort, lest Sokka decide to never return to the Fire Nation again.

“Thank you again for all of the help, Sokka.”

Sokka doesn’t hesitate to pull Zuko into a squeezing hug, which should surprise Zuko less than it does. It does help Zuko relax a bit. Things couldn’t be awkward between them anymore. With everything they’ve gone through, Zuko is confident that their friendship won’t waver. Sokka seems to have a big impact on Zuko’s confidence.

“Anytime, buddy! Whenever you need anything, I’ll be there. Just say the word,” Sokka answers softly, then pulls back to hold Zuko at arms-length by his shoulders. He smiles brilliantly, and Zuko knows.

Zuko can’t bring himself to smile back. He knows his face is red, and he feels as if his head is clouded with smoke, and his has to swallow past the lump that forms in his throat.

Sokka’s smile is as warm as always, and wide enough that his eyes crinkle in the corners, and it’s open and honest and just for Zuko.

And Zuko loves him.

10

The first attempt on Zuko’s life is made the night after Sokka leaves. It is also, coincidentally, the day Mai returns to the palace.

Mai is there, in the hall, after Zuko’s last meeting of the day. He’s drained from the argument he’s just had over taxes in the outlying islands, and is definitely not in the mood to break up with Mai – if they can even be called a couple, anymore – but he still greets her with a smile and a hug. She politely asks him about his time in the Earth Kingdom, as if he hadn’t been gone for a year and home for weeks, but before he can answer, they are both attacked.

The attacker doesn’t end up being able to do much damage; there are two guards in the hall, already, along with Zuko himself and Mai, whom Zuko has never seen without at least five sharp objects on her. Between the four of them, the single man doesn’t really stand a chance.

One of Zuko’s guards has the man pinned to the ground, hands behind his back, while Zuko leans down.

“Who are you?” He asks angrily. “Why have you attacked us?”

“I’m the first of many, I can promise you that,” the man spits in Zuko’s face before he is dragged away.

Unfortunately, this ends up being true. Over the next several days, five more attempts are made on Zuko’s life.

This itself keeps Zuko busy enough that he doesn’t ever get the chance to speak with Mai at length. Added to that the stress of coordinating with the colonies as the new Harmony Restoration Movement officially begins being carried out, and he quickly becomes overworked and paranoid. The palace guards are doing their best, but most times the would-be assassins have no qualms with anyone else being in harm’s way, and Zuko becomes worried for their safety after one guard takes a knife to the leg in Zuko’s place.

One night, after refusing an armed escort to his room, Zuko and his uncle get into a bad argument. Zuko storms off, taking the longest and most round-about route through the palace to his room to deter both attackers and guards alike.

The next morning, Mai and his uncle are both at his door with a dozen Kyoshi Warriors behind them.

Mai explains that she wrote to Ty Lee the night of the first attack, and she and Suki have offered the Warrior’s services to protect Zuko and assist in investigating the group of people who have been trying to murder him. Mai accepted the help on his behalf, and Uncle arranged transport and rooms for their new guests.

Zuko locks himself in his room for the rest of the day, hurt by the betrayal and stressed about his work and scared.

Ozai is in prison. He does not have his bending. He should not have any power, but he apparently has enough of a hold on some of their people that they would try to kill Zuko to return him to the throne. The idea is one that has Zuko spiraling, feeling out of control in a similar way to how he felt when he didn’t understand why the colonies didn’t want to comply with the Harmony Restoration Movement. Sokka had helped him then, maybe he could again?

Zuko writes a letter, detailing the events of the past week, and asking his friend for advice. As he writes, he remembers the day of the comet, when they finally ended the war. Zuko had been struck by Azula’s lightning and then healed by Katara, but the damage done to his body was more than her healing could handle then. She had done a tremendous job at keeping him from dying, but he was still in an awful state for several days, and it was the worst several days of his life.

He had at least one of his friends at his bedside every minute of every day until he was able to get around without too much pain. He understood then that he is loved by his friends; they care deeply for his wellbeing, and their happiness might even be tied to it. He also knew then that he no longer wants to be the cause of his friends’ misery. If he tells Sokka about this, won’t it just worry him?

Zuko also remembers Sokka’s presence over the past year. How he had leaned on his friend for support, valued his opinion, and enjoyed his company. How Sokka would laugh at the least funny things Zuko would say, smile like the world revolved around it, and listen to everything Zuko said like it always mattered. How he looked at Zuko, in Yu Dao, when Zuko made up his mind about the Harmony Restoration Movement. He misses Sokka in a way he had never expected to, in a way he didn’t even recognize until it was too late.

Whenever you need anything, I’ll be there. Just say the word.

Which is why he can’t write to Sokka. Sokka will come to help, and he will put Zuko before himself, and he might get hurt. Zuko feels sick at the thought of anyone else getting hurt on his behalf, but especially his friends. Especially Sokka. Hasn’t he asked enough of them, of him, already?

Zuko burns the letter, then leaves his room. Suki is there with one other Warrior, guarding his bedroom door.

“Does Sokka know?”

Suki narrows her eyes at him, wary. “If you’re asking me if I’ve told him about the assassination attempts, then no. But he knows I came to the Fire Nation.”

“Can we–” Zuko swallows hard, smiles, and starts again. “Can we not tell anyone? I don’t want the others to get worried. They have a lot to deal with already, so I’d prefer it if we just handle it ourselves.”

Suki’s expression turns sympathetic. “I understand. But, Zuko, they’ll want to know. They’re your friends.”

“I know,” Zuko says, trying to look more composed than he feels right now. “But I don’t want to take them from their own lives. We can tell them after we’ve found whoever is behind all of this.”

Suki doesn’t answer him, but her lips thin into a disapproving line.

“Let’s get started on figuring this out. Where is my uncle?”

Zuko does end up writing to his friends, though he can’t bring himself to mention the group of Ozai’s followers that want him dead. He picks up a rather regular correspondence with Sokka, which makes sense given that he is the closest of his friends geographically. It helps keep him sane, just a bit, especially as life quickly gets busier and busier for him.

With the Kyoshi Warriors in the palace, the attempts on Zuko’s life have lessened considerably and they are making fast progress on finding those who are actively working to prevent him from taking the throne, but it is still tireless work. Things in the colonies are winding down as the last of them have either finished their relocation and reintegration to the islands or declared their independence from both the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom. He is finally able to have an actual conversation with Mai in which their relationship ends. He takes trips with Aang to the air temples, learning from his friend and helping construct plans to restore and preserve what they can. He makes visits to Azula and Ozai, trying to show them kindness while also trying to get information from them about the whereabouts of his mother. And the Fire Sages have set a date for him to be crowned the new Fire Lord – a date which is less than a year away.

Zuko thinks that Suki can tell how stressed he seems to be lately, because she tends to spend her free time accompanying him around the palace and encouraging him to take breaks. Once, she catches Zuko reading a letter from Sokka in the middle of a meeting, completely zoning out what his uncle is saying. His face burns under her teasing expression when his opinion is asked for and he needs three different people to repeat what they’ve just been discussing.

Things come to a head when, just as Zuko is thinking over his latest visit with Ozai – in which he had demanded that Zuko let him see Azula – General Toma challenges Zuko to an Agni Kai.

Zuko, his mind already racing, stands from his seat at his uncle’s right side. The general is an older man, one whom worked under Ozai for many decades, though he had initially seemed to handle the transition of Iroh’s rule well. He is also standing, looking at Zuko with all the rage he must be capable of expressing, like a wounded animal. His teeth bared and his eyes wild, he looks as if he expects Zuko to retaliate to the threat immediately. Zuko replays the last several minutes of conversation in his head, which had been details of his coronation, and can’t find anything specific that would have angered this man to such a degree. Is he really so threatened by the idea of Zuko becoming Fire Lord that the mere mention of the dinner that will be served or the plaza in which it will be held would trigger such a reaction?

Before Zuko can respond, Iroh is also standing and demanding furiously that General Toma be removed from the room. Several other ministers and councilmembers voice their own protest and judgement of Toma from their seats, throwing the room into disorder.

As palace guards drag the screaming general through the heavy double doors, someone taps Zuko on the elbow. It’s Suki, having stepped forward from her spot near the wall to escort him from the room. Uncle calls for everyone’s dismissal, and Zuko follows Suki out. They are the first to leave the room, but Toma is already out of sight. Zuko stares down the hall where he can still hear the outraged yelling coming from.

Suki doesn’t let him ruminate for long. She tugs him down the opposite way, walking him to his room in silence. It works well, because Zuko finds that he has nothing to say. His mind is still reeling from the interaction, tangling with everything else that has been bothering him, and leaving him with nothing solid to grasp on to. He isn’t sure he could make conversation if he tried.

Once they arrive at his door, Suki instructs him to change into something comfortable to go outside in, and to wait for her. Zuko stands inside of his room for several minutes before he can focus well enough to start moving, and once he does, he does not start to change his clothes. He walks over to his desk, sits down, and rereads Sokka’s most recent letter to him.

It’s about nothing special. Small updates of how progress is going in the South, an anecdote of something Sokka said to his father which he thought funny enough to share with Zuko, expressions of excitement over an upcoming summit in Yu Dao that they will all be reunited for, and general questions of how things are going in the Fire Nation. Sokka has been bringing issues up to the people of the South and getting direct feedback from them, much like they had when traveling the colonies together, before making major decisions on the reconstruction of the tribe.

Zuko remembers how he’d felt when he had read about that, like it was more proof that he was doing something right, and he thinks that’s where some of his fixation on speaking with Sokka came from. It may also have to do with Zuko’s freshly realized feelings for Sokka, but he isn’t quite ready to come to terms with those yet, so he often tells himself that he must be imagining them.

At the bottom of the letter, there is a small doodle of Zuko. It is unmistakably Zuko, what with the scar over his eye, and anyone else would be able to recognize it as such even with how awful Sokka is at drawing. In it, Zuko appears to be firebending with a smile on his face.

By the time Suki knocks on his door and asks if he is ready, he has been staring at the little doodle of himself for longer than is probably sane. He flushes red with embarrassment, though he wasn’t actually caught doing anything worth being embarrassed about, and yells out to her that he will be right there.

He may be past the point of pretending that he is just imagining how he feels about Sokka.

11

Just before Appa descends on the plaza, Suki rushes to Zuko’s side and confesses to him that she is planning on breaking up with Sokka.

Zuko doesn’t think he is overreacting when he turns to her with wide eyes and loudly yells “What!”

She shushes him, then tugs his sleeve so that he leans down for her to speak quietly in his ear. Privacy would be a priority with this type of conversation, but Zuko’s shock had overridden that logic. “Don’t tell him, please.”

Zuko doesn’t understand. Why would Suki want to break up with Sokka? They have always seemed to be head-over-heels for each other, and she never stops talking about him to Zuko. Over the past several months, since she had come to work in the palace, he’s gotten much closer with the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors, and he thought he knew her pretty well. Now it feels as if he is talking to a stranger.

What he has the hardest time understanding right now, though, is–

“Why are you telling me?”

Suki smiles softly at Zuko in a way that he doesn’t like, in a way that suggests she knows him just as well as he knows her– if not better. Then Uncle is calling out to Zuko that his friends have arrived, and Zuko doesn’t get his answer.

Zuko had written to his friends asking for their help in finding his mother, but had left out the detail that Azula would need to join them for this adventure. He can’t really blame them for reacting explosively when she arrives to the plaza herself and steps out from behind him, but thankfully Suki and Ty Lee aren’t far and help quell the fighting.

Zuko sees the excitement on Sokka’s face when Suki enters the room, and feels his heart drop into his stomach. The couple embrace each other. Zuko keeps his gaze on Aang and Katara.

Aang takes the news that Zuko’s sister will be joining them well, which Zuko appreciates. He feels a bit overwhelmed, so he has an attendant prepare their rooms and excuses himself. He and his uncle begin walking down the hall, but Sokka catches him with a hand on his shoulder.

Sokka’s an open book, and right now that book is saying that he is troubled. His shoulders are tense, his smile is strained, and his eyebrows are scrunched together like he doesn’t know if he should be frowning or not. Over Sokka’s shoulder, Zuko watches Suki walk down the opposite hall with Ty Lee. She’s turned back a bit to watch them as well, an equally troubled look on her face.

“You don’t want to catch up with Suki? We won’t leave until the morning.”

“Nah,” Sokka answers, like the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. They both know the casual tone is a lie. “I’ve got all day for that. I want to talk to you.”

Zuko’s heart races at the words, but he still feels nauseous. Sokka surely wants to talk about Azula. Zuko hadn’t mentioned anything about her or his father in his letters. Actually, Zuko has been leaving a lot out of his letters to Sokka, afraid of the other man’s reaction to certain details.

When Zuko turns to continue walking, he sees that his uncle has abandoned him. Getaway plan escaped, he tries to keep his voice steady, grasping at an excuse to put the conversation off for a bit longer. “Well, there’s some things that need to be prepared before we leave tomorrow. We can talk when we all meet for dinner, if that’s alright?”

Sokka grabs Zuko by the sleeve, stopping him in his tracks and disrupting his calm and indifferent facade. “Zuko, come on. What’s going on?”

With Sokka’s stubbornness, there’s no way Zuko can avoid it. He can try, but the longer he does the more painful the conversation will be. He sighs and motions for Sokka to follow him, shaking the hand from his sleeve in the process.

Sokka stays just a step behind him as they walk, and doesn’t speak. It’s a bit out of character for Sokka to be so quiet, especially when it’s clear that something is bothering him, which ends up being distracting enough that Zuko has a hard time organizing his own thoughts. Zuko considers taking Sokka to the pond for a bit of privacy, but makes a wrong turn at the last second, taking Sokka down a different hall instead. He doesn’t know exactly why, but he strongly feels like he does not want the place to be tainted by the memory of whatever conversation they are about to have.

Right after taking the turn and realizing he doesn’t have anywhere else to take Sokka, he decides to just jump into the deep end. There is no way to avoid it, so why not get the worst out of the way?

“I’ve been speaking with my father,” Zuko says in a hushed voice.

Zuko can tell Sokka stumbles a bit from his place just a step behind him, and then Sokka is right next to him. They slow their pace.

“Wait, what–” Sokka starts in a very loud voice.

Zuko holds up his hands, effectively stopping Sokka’s scream. “Well, technically Azula has been speaking with my father.”

Sokka gasps, clearly horrified, and Zuko groans. He is not making this any better. He should have thought this through more, or just sucked it up and written to Sokka about it. Then he wouldn’t have to deal with this now. He rubs his hands over his face, trying to mask his own frustration.

“He’ll only talk to her, so I sent her to find out, and now she won’t tell me…” Zuko doesn’t know how to explain it, never having the talent with words that he wishes he did. How can he make Sokka understand why this is so important to him?

“…Where your mother is.” Sokka finishes for him, and Zuko clearly sees the comprehension and acceptance on his face as he comes to this conclusion. Zuko supposes he needs to kick the habit of underestimating Sokka.

Last week they had seen each other in Yu Dao for a summit. Kuei had organized it so everyone could attend, and it’d been equally as exciting as it had been boring, but Zuko has been unable to stop thinking about it since. A professor had spoken, and made a remark that stuck with Zuko: family is, in essence, a small nation, and the nation a large family. The professor had told Zuko that a ruler who treats his own family with dignity will then govern over their nation with dignity. If that is true, how does that bode of Zuko’s future reign? Sokka had seen then how the speech had affected Zuko, and must remember it.

“I don’t trust Azula, but I need to find my mother. How can I expect the people of my nation to prosper when they’re ruled by someone who can’t even keep his own family together?” It’s something he’s been thinking, but hasn’t really allowed himself to say out loud. As he does, the lit sconces on the wall flicker with his frustration. Seeing it, he lets out a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

Sokka grabs Zuko’s arm, squeezing in a way this is probably supposed to be comforting. Instead, it just reminds Zuko of Suki’s words, her knowing smile, and the letters he keeps at his bedside.

“I understand. Even if Azula is crazy and tried to kill you and my sister and locked up my girlfriend.”

Zuko laughs, but even he has to admit it sounds strained. Sokka’s hand is still on him. He tries not to look at it, not wanting to draw attention to it. “You must think I’m the biggest idiot ever.”

“Not the biggest idiot!” Sokka is using his hand on Zuko’s arm now to shake him, trying to lighten the mood. “Not the smartest person in the world, but I think that General Chan is a bit bigger than you, in both size and idiocy.”

A lifetime ago, just after the end of the war, Sokka had been staying in the Fire Nation palace as a representative of his tribe for negotiations. It was a rough time for Zuko, who was dealing with backlash for the Harmony Restoration Movement, and Sokka had caught Zuko after a particularly heated meeting in which General Chan led the opposing argument against Zuko for every single talking point. Sokka’s solution to calming Zuko down had been to draw faces on vegetables and have Zuko fling fire at them. It hadn’t solved anything, but had caused Zuko to realize that being angry about something he wasn’t planning on fixing himself was a bit ridiculous, and so he had planned out his excursion across the Earth Kingdom.

Remembering that night, Zuko is unable to keep himself from laughing, loud and very undignified. He shoves Sokka off of him to stop being shaken, and can’t keep the smile off of his face now. “Good thing I’ve never been made into a beetato then. That at least gives me two things over Chan. Unless you have something to tell me.”

Sokka gasps in mock offence, placing a hand over his heart as if wounded. “I would never! Burn a beetato, that is, with your face on it or not. I’m not nearly as bad a cook as you.”

Zuko snorts at that as the last of his laughter leaves him. “If you say so.”

The conversation now steered in an easier direction, Zuko changes the subject altogether and begins to lead Sokka farther down the hall. He has a destination in mind now.

When Ozai had revealed to Azula the location of their mother, he had also told her where to find letters that he had kept from Ursa. After, Azula had broken free of her restraints and Zuko followed her to a secret room of Ozai’s. The room contains relics from different benders across the world. Ancient relics, if they include even air nomad items.

Zuko had planned on showing his friends the room after they’d gotten settled and had dinner, but he finds himself explaining how they’d found the room to Sokka and the items that had been inside. Zuko wants to ensure that the items are all properly identified and returned to their point of origin, which is where Sokka, Katara, and Aang will come in handy. The siblings can help figure out which items belong to the North or South, and Aang can hopefully identify which temple the airbending items come from.

Sokka agrees to help, but doesn’t have the enthusiasm in his voice that Zuko had expected. He had thought something like this would be in some way exciting for Sokka, to reclaim parts of his heritage and return these stolen items to where they belong, but he seems distracted. One glance at his face and Zuko can tell that his mind is elsewhere. He must be thinking about Suki.

And then, even as Zuko opens the secret door to the room with his firebending, and he finishes his story of how Kuei has a historian on the way to help identify the earthbending items, he can only think of Suki’s confession. She is going to break up with Sokka, maybe today, maybe once they return from their trip, but she would not have told Zuko if she was not serious about it.

Why did she tell Zuko?

There is no possible way that she knows about Zuko’s feelings for Sokka, right? He has been so distracted with work lately that there has been no chance for him to do anything that would make it obvious. Unless she has noticed how often he writes to Sokka. But that in itself wouldn’t be any kind of proof that he harbors a crush on him. Would it?

Now Zuko is the distracted one, and almost misses Sokka’s commentary on a necklace that is mounted on the wall.

“–just like it! It’s my favorite one, actually. My dad taught me how to make it.”

Sokka still seems tense and unfocussed, his voice void of his usual emotional extremes. Maybe it would have been better to wait until after dinner, to do this with everyone together.

“You can take it home. All of it, and what belongs to the North will be returned as well. Where it belongs.”

Sokka turns to Zuko and touches him again, this time with a hand on his elbow and an openly grateful grin. Zuko doesn’t mean to react the way he does, but he has Suki’s words and knowing smile swirling around his head. The anxiety that he is too obvious is making him paranoid. As soon as Sokka – always so touchy-feely – has his hands on him again, Zuko’s heartrate is uncontrollable and his face is surely beetato red, and he flinches away from Sokka.

It’s more violent of a gesture than is excusable. He rips his elbow out of Sokka’s light grip, takes several steps away, and trips back over a raised step that is in front of the burning dais in the center of the room. He narrowly avoids falling onto the floor, but the whole thing is so mortifying he almost wishes he had fallen. Maybe then Sokka would have hurried to help him up, and Zuko could have had another moment to come up with an explanation.

Now, Sokka looks at Zuko with hurt and confusion, which slowly turns to understanding.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know…” Zuko starts, feeling desperate for a reason to explain that to Sokka that would make sense, but falling short.

Sokka smiles in a way that almost looks like pity, which makes things so much worse when he says “Don’t worry. I understand what you’re feeling. It’s probably a lot, but it’s okay.”

Zuko is shocked into silence. His mind, just seconds ago reeling with a thousand things, goes completely blank. He can only stare at Sokka in shock as he fidgets in place, maintaining the distance that Zuko had put between them.

“I just want you to know, I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m going to prioritize giving her the chance. I think that she deserves it. And obviously it will complicate things, no way around that, but I think at this point we can get through anything together. Especially the hard stuff.”

The last time Sokka was at the palace had been months ago, and after spending a year in each other’s company Zuko had realized he has feeling for Sokka. Now, the very next time that they have a moment alone together, Sokka is letting him down gently.

Zuko supposes he isn’t surprised about how this conversation is going, but he is surprised how he managed to be so apparent about his feelings that both Suki and Sokka managed to find out the truth. Had Suki figured it out, and told Sokka?

No. Zuko doesn’t believe she would do something like that. The fact of the matter is, Zuko got careless and doesn’t know how to keep his own feelings hidden.

As far as rejections go, Zuko supposes he is getting off easy. Sokka has always been far kinder to him than he deserves. It might be hard or awkward, like Sokka suggests, but at least he is not being outright cast out as his friend. Zuko can live with that.

But then, on the other end of his tumultuous feelings, is Suki. Sokka says he will prioritize his relationship with her, but Zuko knows what he doesn’t – their relationship is about to end. The guilt over knowing that, over not being able to shield Sokka from that, almost overrides his embarrassment. It’s not his conversation to have.

After several moments of Zuko standing in silence, unable to organize his thoughts into a reply, Sokka laughs awkwardly and says that they don’t need to talk about it anymore, then asks where his room will be for tonight.

By the time Zuko has shown Sokka to his room and promises that someone will collect him for dinner later, the tension is almost gone and they might seem as if they’ll be okay.

12

Azula should not have been on this trip to Hira’a.

She causes problems at every turn, making everything exponentially harder for Zuko and his friends, and she is clearly having some type of delusion that Zuko can’t understand.

Zuko wants to see the good in his sister, wants to heal her in the way his uncle and friends did for him, but feels completely out of his depth in knowing how to get through to her. She is violence incarnate, not caring who or what she endangers or how, and she even appears to enjoy going out of her way to choose hurting those around her.

Still, he holds out hope. Even as she relentlessly attacks his friends, sets fire to all of her surroundings, and pursues their mother with the intention of hurting her, he tries his best to reach her.

But then she burns Sokka.

They’ve been separated from Aang and Katara. He and Sokka are holding Azula back from attacking Ursa, her new husband, and their half-sister. It happens too fast, and Zuko isn’t enough to prevent it.

Sokka is on his knees, struggling to release Azula’s grip on the back of his head, and she is swinging a blue ball of flames at his face with her free hand.

The sight of it makes Zuko freeze in place, as if every muscle in his body has been paralyzed with the memory that rushes to him now as if it is still happening. His own father, standing before him, demanding that he fight. The disappointment on his face when Zuko refuses and begs for forgiveness. The unbearably painful burn he receives, permanently branding him as defeated and dishonored in his first Agni Kai.

He makes it to Sokka’s side, lands a kick to his sister’s arm to knock the fire away from his friend’s face, and she releases her hold on Sokka.

Sokka crumples forward and Zuko drops to kneel his side, no longer focused on Azula, needing to see–

Sokka’s hand slowly, shakily, raises to touch the raised red welt of a fresh burn that now mars his face; a thick, angry line stretching from his temple down over his cheekbone, just under his eye.

Sokka turns his face up and makes eye contact with Zuko, looking stunned. His eyes are wide and watering, his fingertips ghosting over the mark on his face, and his mouth is open in a silent gape.

Zuko steels himself, feeling the anger building in his chest, and looks for Azula. She has moved a distance away and is watching them with a smug, satisfied look on her face.

Azula has always been able to read Zuko like a book, and he had thought that to be a skill unique to her. The past couple of days have proven to Zuko that he may not be as hard to read as he had thought, so he doesn’t bother hiding anything now. This entire trip he has been trying his best to reconnect with Azula, to show her some dignity and kindness. Now, he looks at her and sees what she is: someone who relishes in seeing his pain, someone who does not want to be shown kindness, someone who will not be shown kindness from this point forward.

Because Azula has always been able to read Zuko like a book, she sees this in him. Her own expression falters, she appears almost guilty, and she disappears into the flames that surround them. He does not, for a moment, consider pursuing her.

Shortly after she is gone, Aang and Katara arrive and begin to use their waterbending to put out the flames, but Zuko calls out for the healer. His voice is hoarse, and that alone scares Katara into hurrying to their side.

“What happened? Are you–”

“Please, Katara,” Zuko begs, feeling tears welling up in his eyes and not caring. She turns to Sokka, and her hands come up to cover her mouth in shock. “Please, you have to heal it.”

Sokka protests, saying that it’s really not that bad and feels no different from a sunburn, but Zuko and Katara both ignore him.

The burn is clearly worse than any sunburn Zuko has ever seen. The skin around it is swollen, and the burnt flesh itself is raw and bright red with blood. Katara asks what happened, but Zuko is unable to say anything until there is a bubble of water against Sokka’s face, glowing faintly from Katara’s healing expertise.

Zuko stumbles through telling her that Azula had done it, that he hadn’t been fast enough, that she’s gotten away, and by the time Katara is finished and Sokka’s skin is like new Zuko feels as if he can breathe again.

It’s the second time now that Sokka has been burned because of Zuko. Zuko swears to himself that there will not be a third.