Archive of Our Own

Back When We Had Nothing

Two days ago, Marinette thought. It was two days ago that she quit being a superhero. It was two days ago that she found out, without a doubt, that she was not confident. She was a coward.

She lay in her bed, missing Tikki’s company— for the better, she thought—, and reminisced. It was two weeks ago that she had gone up against the Evillustrator as Marinette. It was four days ago that she had fought Hawkmoth, met him face-to-face. When his akumatized pawn failed, Hawkmoth himself entered the battlefield— enraged and determined, he left the shadows he’d become accustomed to and finally challenged Ladybug and Cat Noir himself. 

She had won, for a brief moment— she was holding his miraculous. But as Hawkmoth de-transformed, she faltered.

It was Gabriel Agreste. It was Adrien Agreste’s father. Of all the people, it couldn’t be him. Cat Noir, a horrified, broken look on his face, fled. She didn’t know why. He didn’t say, and she didn’t care to ask. In fact, that was the last time that Cat Noir every saw Ladybug. She dropped the broach, and, with incredible reflexes, Hawkmoth recovered it. He escaped.

She spent two days grappling with herself. She couldn’t turn in Gabriel Agreste. She couldn’t take another parent away from Adrien. Which was more important to her? Justice? Or Adrien?

She didn’t know him well, she rationalized. She knew him just about as well as all their other classmates did, so she had no reason to be especially worried about him. Besides, More people would get hurt by Hawkmoth if she didn’t turn him in than if she did. But she still couldn’t bring herself to actually do it. 

She saw Adrien at school. She couldn’t say anything to him. She couldn’t even look him in the eye— which wasn’t out of the ordinary, except now, it wasn’t nerves. It was shame. How could she keep this secret from him? What right did she have? Would he want to know that his father was evil, or would knowing make it worse? Morally, would it be worse to tell him, and effectively take his father away from him, or would it be worse to keep such a huge secret from him and break his trust so heinously? What would be the ramifications?

She didn’t know what to do. That’s when she realized that not only did she have a dangerous conflict of interest that could possibly have city-wide effects, but she also couldn’t… be as confident as Ladybug has to be. As cool under pressure. She couldn’t trust herself to value the city’s safety over her Adrien’s feelings. That was an important thing for a superhero to do; and she couldn’t.

So she handed her miraculous back to Master Fu, and told him to find another Ladybug. She couldn’t do it. He didn’t say anything to her as she left. Neither Master Fu nor Cat Noir tried to find her again.

Two weeks ago. It was two weeks ago that his Lady, his partner, his best friend, abandoned him. Cat Noir was the one thing he had that was still truly his. He didn’t have his social life, he didn’t have his personal life; Cat Noir was the only thing that hadn’t been tainted by his father’s rules, by his father’s meddling. And then his father turned out to be the bad guy, literally. His father ruined the one thing he had left and the girl he was in love with abandoned him.

“Adrien, are you still moping over Ladybug?”

He looked guiltily up at Plagg, floating by his side. It was true. He was staring at his ring, waiting for its green paw print to flash over the silver surface, like it did when Ladybug contacted him. It had been two weeks, and he was still being caught waiting for her. Sometimes he thought that he would always be waiting for her.

“She doesn’t have her miraculous. She can’t contact you.”

“She might have gone and gotten it back.”

“Why? You know… Fu said… well Fu said that she’s probably not coming back.” Plagg said. “You know you should move on.”

Why? He didn’t know. It was because… well, it confused him. It happened after she unmasked Hawkmoth— his father. But she didn’t know his identity, so she had no reason to bug out about it. She couldn’t possibly know his connection to Hawkmoth.

…Well, come to think of it, there was no reason for him to think that it was because of Hawkmoth. It was probably because of him. When he saw it was his father, well… he ran. He de-transformed and kept running, like a coward, and left Ladybug to deal with Hawkmoth alone. Hawkmoth got away because Cat Noir freaked out, and ran. She probably quit because she couldn’t stand working with such a coward.

He eventually transformed just to get Plagg to stop talking. He couldn’t sleep, and Plagg was just trying to help him feel better— but all he did was remind him of everything that hurt. He lost his mother. He lost his freedom. He lost his father, and then he lost the love of his life. He was too weak to take down his own father, even if it was to save all of Paris.

So he transformed, and went out into the city night, trying to imagine that Ladybug was beside him, running around in the dark, like they used to do in the early days.

A shadow briefly blocked the moonlight entering her window. She sat up from her bed, paused a moment, and then climbed out and up to her balcony. She bent forward over the railing, and saw Cat Noir. He was in the distance—  hopping from roof to roof, periodically vaulting himself up with his staff. There was no akuma, obviously. He was just… out. Roaming.

He looked… irritated. No, upset. She stood and watched him for a moment, before he tripped on his own feet. He wasn’t paying attention, because of his agitation, and he went down hard. Reckless as always, she thought. 

As he stood, he caught sight of Marinette. They locked eyes for a moment, before he vaulted over, and perched on the railing next to her. “Couldn’t sleep either, Marinette Dupain-Cheng?” He smiled at her. It didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to watch you. The moonlight coming in from my window caught your shadow, and I was curious.”

“That’s okay.” He said, shifting from his crouch, and sitting on the railing, his legs dangling over. “I thought maybe I scared you. There’s no akuma. You’ve got nothing to worry about, I just— I just wanted to get out.”

“You don’t have to explain anything, Cat Noir.” She brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. “… we met one time. You don’t owe anything to me.”

He was silent for a moment, watching the stars. “Okay,” he said. His mask sparkled in the moonlight— she had never noticed. It was glittery. She looked away from him, following his gaze to the sky. The moon was full, and big, and bright.

“…It’s funny, I put on my suit, I left my house, I came out tonight to be alone. But I still find that I want company.” He said, quietly. When she didn’t respond, he looked away from the sky and to his hands, on his lap. He fiddled with his ring, his miraculous.

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Marinette reiterated. She was glad for his company, but afraid of it. When she quit she knew she was going to miss him. She knew it would hurt him. But she did it anyway, because she was a coward. She was a coward, and when given a choice between hurting her partner— her close friend— and all of Paris at the same time, or hurting the boy who barely knew her, she chose to abandon Cat Noir.

He shouldn’t want to be near her. He shouldn’t confide in her. She’d just let him down. Of course, he didn’t know any of that, and she couldn’t find it in herself to tell him.

“I know.” He said.

It was another moment of shared silence. She watched his face, and he watched his fingers, his ring. “… unless you… need someone to tell things to?” Again, he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“You know my partner is gone. All of Paris knows. I’ve been fighting alone.” He looked at her. “She was the stronger of us two. It’s been… hard, without her.”

She held his gaze. She had to look away before she responded to him, saying, “You two… you’re both so young. And what you’re doing… it’s heavy.”

“That never stopped us before.”

“That doesn’t change anything. I think— well, it’s sad, that this fell on u— on you two. Teenagers.”

“It’s easier when you have a partner.”

“Is it?” She snapped. She was getting upset with him. Ladybug was getting upset with him. He wasn’t listening. Even with a partner, secrets are heavy. So many secrets, from so many people. “It seems like she couldn’t handle it, even with a partner.”

“You helped me, once. We were partners once, weren’t we?”

“When you were fighting the Evilisttator?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He smiled at her. “It was nice of you to help. It must have been scary.”

“It was the least I could do. You’re a hero— how could I have said no to you?”

“It was brave.”

“I was not brave. As far as you know, I could have been too cowardly to say no.”

He laughed at her. “That’s funny, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

“Just Marinette is fine, Cat Noir.” She held her breath for a moment. It was hard, talking to him like this. Like they barely knew each other.  “…And I knew you and Ladybug would save me if anything went wrong. I took no risks.”

He shook his head and chuckled as he said, “I’m glad we’re friends, Marinette.” And then his eyes were back on the moon. 

They sat in silence for a while. “Me too.”

Minutes passed by as they enjoyed the cool air and the calm night together, in silence. Eventually he stood. She had to look up at him, balancing high on the railing. “We should both get to bed, huh?” He said, and stretched.

“What if I don’t want to?” She asked him. He smiled down at her, and this time, it reached his eyes.

“Fur real?” He asked.

“Yes.” She said.

“That was a cat joke, by the way.” He told her, as he reached out a hand. She took it, and joined him on the railing.

“I know.” She said. “It was hiss-terical.”

“That was a cat pun.”

“You’re not the only funny one here, Kitty.” She said, and he grinned at her.

It had been another two weeks. Adrien found himself visiting Marinette as Cat Noir every night. Sometimes they talked on her balcony, and sometimes he gave her a tour of the Paris rooftops. He found that he was beginning to mourn Ladybug less and less. He still missed her. But it didn’t hurt as bad anymore. He had been angry with Ladybug, he was hurt and abandoned, he fell out of love— it was the most pain he’d felt since he lost his mother— but spending time with Marinette was helping him forget, for a moment.

He was growing to like Marinette’s company, more and more. He had liked her before— she was his friend, by extension. She was Alia’s friend, who was friends with Nino, who was friends with him, and they all got along. But now he was closer with her than he had ever been. He knew more about her than ever. Unfortunately, he couldn’t talk to her like that when he was Adrien. She didn’t know Adrien was Cat Noir, or vice versa.

And that annoyed him. It was tiring to keep secrets, especially from his friends, Alia and Nino. And Marinette. But it was nothing he couldn’t handle. Besides, he’d rather Marinette know Cat Noir than Adrien. Adrien wasn’t his— Cat Noir was. His father may have taken his partner from him, but at least he didn’t lose his miraculous. And he didn’t lose Marinette.

There was an akuma. On instinct, Marinette ran to her roof. It was a residual reflex, built from doing the same thing over and over, as Ladybug. But obviously, she didn’t transform. She just stopped, and watched Cat Noir as he handled the situation. He was managing just fine without her. He tried his best to keep damage to the city at a minimum, since he had no Ladybug to fix all of the damage. But this time was different. He was getting hurt. His head was out of the game.

The akumatized person threw the Cat across the city, and he landed, hard, on her balcony. It cracked the concrete, and he cried out in pain.

“Kitty!” She exclaimed, and kneeled beside him, and lifting head from the concrete. She patted the back of his head, felt for blood. Of course, there was none— he had been transformed, after all. It was substantially harder to hurt someone with blunt-force trauma when they were using a miraculous. The same couldn’t be said for blades; because Cat Noir did have cuts through his suit, which were oozing blood, from the pawn’s katanas. He sat up, wobbly. “Sorry, Mari.” He murmured, as his hand replaced hers, on the back of his head. “That hurt.”

“Yeah.” Marinette said, “It looked like it did.”

“They’re getting harder and harder to beat alone.”

“You always win. You can win again.”

“Eventually, I don’t think I’ll be able to. I need a partner.”

“Cat… Ladybug is gone.”

“Maybe I don’t need her, Mari. If I got the ladybug miraculous— that’s what gives us our power— could you help me?”

“Cat—”

“Crap! He’s coming this way!” Cat Noir pounced up up, and used his staff to vault himself toward the villain, delivering a devastating kick and sending the enormous man back, into the street. As he skid he tore up the pavement, and then lay still for a moment. “I’ll be back!” He called.

He disappeared quickly between two buildings, and Hawkmoth’s pawn quickly followed suit. Eventually the Cat won, smashing the ring and cataclysm-ing the akuma that was hiding inside. Then he disappeared.

When he returned to the balcony that night, he was carrying a box— he had gone to see Master Fu. But she wasn’t there to receive the miraculous inside. She had been there every night, at the same time, waiting for him. And now she wasn’t there. He kneeled in front of the passage on the floor, which would open to Marinette’s room. He knocked on it softly, nervously, and then a little louder.

When there was no response, he called, “Marinette? Are you alright?” When he was met with silence once again, he pressed his ear to the door— and heard Marinette sniffling inside. “Mari, It’s Cat Noir. Are you alright? …I’m going to come in.” When she didn’t protest, he gently pulled the door open and peaked inside. She was curled on be bed, teary eyes turned to him.

She hid her face in her hands after a moment, and said, “Oh, Cat…” He slid inside the room, and sat, criss-cross on the bed, next to her. He gently, cautiously, put his hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“You have no reason to offer me that miraculous, Cat Noir. You have no reason to trust me.”

“But I do.” He said to her. “You’ve spent time with me every night. You’ve helped me, stuck with me.”

“Does that mean anything? Really?” She sat up, and looked him in the eyes. “We’ve known each other for a little over two months. That’s no reason to give me so much power.”

“I trust you. I got the miraculous from my mentor, Master Fu, who agreed with me that you’re trustworthy. You deserve it.”

She stood in frustration, turning away from him. “You don’t know that.” She climbed out to the roof, to get away from him, but he followed her. What else could he do?

“Of course I do. I’ve told you, Marinette— my home life isn’t the best. This miraculous is all I have. This job is all I have. Don’t you think I would take a decision like this seriously? When it’s so important to me?”

“Why can’t Master Fu find someone else, himself?” She turned on him. “Why are you giving this to me?”

“Because the next Ladybug will be my partner, not Master Fu’s.”

“Did you chose to be Cat Noir?”

“Well— yeah. After Fu gave me the—”

“So Fu chose you for Cat Noir? Just as he chose the first Ladybug? Why would he suddenly let you choose? Why did he think that would be a good idea?”

“Stop it, Marinette. The city needs a ladybug The city needs us both.” 

She turned away from him. “This isn’t what you want, Kitty. We’re teenagers. This is not a responsibility that a teenager should have to handle.”

“Of course I want this. It’s what I need.”

“Go home.”

“Marinette. Just try it. Just for one battle. Or just for tonight. We can see how it goes.”

“We’re not talking about this. Go home.”

Cat Noir’s hands curled into fists, and his ears— always so expressive— flattened. “Just… think about it.” As he grabbed his staff from his belt, he shook his head. “If I don’t find a partner, I might… well I might hand in my own miraculous.”

“Maybe that’s for the better.”

He turned away from her, and valued himself away, into the night, his belt tail between his legs. Marinette felt bad. She felt cruel whenever she had a fight with Cat Noir, because he always made good points. She knew the eventually, the city would need a new Ladybug.The city did need someone to deal with Hawkmoth. It just… shouldn’t be them. The city would need a new Cat Noir, too.

He wasn’t stupid. But he was… well, he was naive sometimes. If his life was really as he said— if Cat Noir was so important to him— then the miraculous has replaced dealing with that. For him, Cat Noir was more like a maladaptive daydream than a superhero. He just didn’t want to see it.

She waited for him, on the balcony the next night, and the next. He didn’t come back. Maybe he had given his ring back to Master Fu. Marinette may never see him again. It was for his own good. It was for hers, too. But what if she was wrong?

Adrien didn’t hand in his ring. Cat Noir didn’t stop going out. He stopped talking to Marinette; but he didn’t stop visiting her. He sat on a roof, peaking out from behind a chimney, watching her pace back and forth. She was waiting for him. Maybe she felt bad for… well, for their fight. They hadn’t known each other very long, so they hadn’t really fought before. He didn’t doubt that she was nervous to see him again. To make up. It was just the kind of person that she was.

Maybe she made up her mind, to take the miraculous. Maybe she was waiting for him to come back so she could take it. He still had it. He could go down there, right now, and offer it to her again. But if he did, she could just push him away again.

He may have been right to tell her he’d quit if he didn’t find a new partner. Initially, he had just said it because he was upset— but the more he thought on it, the more he decided it might be the right thing to do. The black cat and the ladybug miraculous were partners— two sides of the same coin— and if the Ladybug that was supposed to be his other half was gone, well…

Who was he to argue with fate?

He went home.

Eventually, she stopped waiting for him.

“Marinette?” Her mom’s voice came from downstairs. She was home from school on their lunch break, eating a sandwich in her room. “You’ve got a visitor!”

She left her sandwich on her plate, and climbed down the ladder, then the steps, to see that Adrien was waiting in the bakery. He was bent over, looking at the icing on some of their display cakes. She stood for a moment, looking at him closely, taking a mental picture.

Then she cleared her throat. “Adrien? …Is there something you need?”

“Marinette.” He straightened, and turned to her. “Did you ice these cakes?”

“A few of them.”

“I thought so. They remind me of your fashion designs. It’s very you.”

“Did you come for something?”

He took a few steps closer. “Yeah. Well, I thought we could talk.”

“Did you bring Alia and Nino?” Marinette folded her hands behind her back, and bit her lip, waiting for his response.

“No. I thought maybe it could just be us.” He smiled, and cocked his head. “They’re at a cafe, and I… well I didn’t want to be a third wheel, since you’ve been— well, skipping out on us, and all.”

“Oh— I— well I didn’t mean to. But I’m— I’ve got food in my room. But we can go—”

“We can talk in your room! I brought food too.”

“Okay,” She said, grinning at him. He stared at her awkwardly for a moment before she realized that she needed to lead him up. “Right. It’s up here.” She lead him up the stairs and into her room. He stood and stared at the floor as she ascended the ladder, and once she was up, he followed. She took her plate from in front of her chair, and offered the seat to him. He took it.

She sat criss-cross on her bed. “So— is there anything specific? That you wanted to talk about?”

“Um— well, yeah.” He said, absently, as he looked around the room. She turned bright red when she realized he was taking in the sheer volume of Adrien Agreste pictures (from his modeling) that she had. “Fashion inspiration?” He asked, nervously.

“Something like that.”

He looked away, but didn’t look at her. “I wanted to ask if you’re alright. Alia says you’ve been… well you haven’t been talking to her as much? And Nino agrees you seem more nervous than usual.”

“I’m just… um. I’m just thinking about some things, right now.”

“What kind of things?”

“Just things.”

He glanced up at her. “I wasn’t going to bring it up when it was just… when you were just pushing me away. But she’s your best friend. Something must be really wrong, if you won’t tell her.”

“Really, it’s nothing, Adrien. I’ve just been tired. Haven’t been sleeping well.”

He smiled a little, and looked at his fingers, where he was twisting his silver ring around “Yeah, schoolwork, right? Homework’s ramped up.”

“Yeah, schoolwork.”

They didn’t say anything for a moment. Marinette took a bite of her sandwich, and Adrien unpacked his own sandwich from his bag, and began to eat too. After a moment, she asked, “You know when you have to decide between two bad choices? How do you choose what to do?”

Adrien swallowed his bite before he said, “I choose the least bad one.”

“What if they’re both equally bad?”

“I choose the one that’s best for what or who I care about most.”

“What if you care about both the people each option would hurt? What if I had to choose who matters to me more? How do I know I made the right choice?”

Adrien stood from his chair. He sat on the bed next to her, and she looked away from him, taking a deep breath— nervous, barely keeping her calm. “I ask for my friends’ thoughts. What’s the choice you had to make, Marinette? Can I help?”

“No, I don’t think so. Thanks for your advice, though.”

“Happy to help. Just… don’t push us away. I know you and I aren’t close, but… us three, we do care about you.”

“I know. I care about you too, Adrien.” She said, looking at her hands, shifting nervously, and then looking at him briefly. “I uh— I care about all of you.”

Adrien stood up to grab his sandwich from where he left it, on Marinette’s desk, but returned to sit next to her. They finished their lunch in comfortable silence, and when it was time to, they walked back to school together.

Before they entered the classroom, he told her, “You don’t have to tell me everything. But… I’ll listen if you ever want to.” 

He swung the door open for her, and as she entered, she softly said, “Thanks.”

When he entered behind her, he smiled and said, “Any time, Mari.”

As she sat in class, and twirled her pencil, she wondered; should she tell Adrien? She couldn’t tell Alia, because she would freak out if she knew Marinette was ladybug, and all of the problems weighing in her mind stemmed from her brief stint as Ladybug. But… as long as she didn’t tell him that Gabriel was Hawkmoth, Adrien would be a good third party to confide in.

Even though he often spent time with Chloe, he was trustworthy and kind. If she told him to keep something a secret, she had no doubt in her mind that he would. Besides, he of all her classmates would most understand that complications brought on by having a double life. The poor boy moonlit as a model.

He stood on the steps after school, waiting for his chauffeur. It had started raining, and he didn’t have his umbrella with him, so he was getting wet. He grabbed the two sides of his white button-up, and pulled them together around him. It was a warm rain, but it still didn’t feel nice.

A small hand closed around his bicep gently, and he looked down at his side, at Marinette, who was panting. She must have run to him. “Marinette?” He asked her, as she caught her breath.

“You’re right, Adrien. I should ask my friends for help. Can we talk?”

“Um— Yeah.” He said, as his ride pulled up. “My driver’s here. Do you want to come over? We can talk in my room, this time.”

“Will— will your father be okay with that?”

He grinned at her as she dropped her hand from his arm. “We don’t have to tell him. He’s out of town, and Natalie will keep a secret.”

“o—okay.” Marinette said as Adrien took her hand, and led her to the sleek limo. She got in, and slid to the opposite side. 

“Sorry I’m— I’m getting the leather wet.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He slid beside her. On the drive there, they talked about classes, and about Nino and Alia, and about little things like the weather.

When they got there, she stood in the lobby of his house, in shock— as she always did. It was huge. 

As Adrien led her up the foyer steps, his father’s assistant, Natalie, was coming down. “Adrien, your father scheduled a photoshoot for— did you ask your father before you brought her?”

He smiled, guiltily, “It was a last minute thing, Natalie. It’ll just be a moment.”

“Adrien, he’s not going to be happy.” Natalie shook her head at him.

“Please, Natalie?” He smiled at her.

After a moment, her eyes softened, and she shook her head slightly. “He won’t like this, if he finds out. Be quick, Adrien.” Without another word, or even a glance at Marinette, she continued down the steps. “Photoshoot Friday, after school. And I’ll send some towels up for you both.”

Adrien led her up the stairs and into his room. Maybe it’s because he wanted to show off to her but, well, it was mostly that. Dang it! Why did he want to show off? Because he wanted her to stay? He had learned before, with Chloe, that showing wealth off didn’t really attract the kind of people he wanted, but old habits die hard. 

It’s not like Marinette could be any more impressed with him, anyway. She knew he was rich, famous— but that’s not why she was friends with him. That’s why Chloe was friends with him. But Marinette was genuine and caring, and If Cat Noir was permissible as evidence, she liked and trusted him, not his money.

As they entered his room, she pursed her lips, but began anyway. “Your father spared no expense, huh?”

“No,” Adrien smiled back. As they walked in, she caught sight of one small personalization of Adrien’s; there was a single newspaper clipping of Ladybug pinned to his wall, above his computer monitors. Crap.

“Fan of Ladybug?” She asked, quietly.

“What?” He asked, turning, and following her gaze before responding: “Oh, yeah. Um, I guess. She’s cool, saving the city and all.”

“Oh. Do you follow Alia’s blog?”

“Of course I do. It’s Alia. And all of Paris wants to know who she is. I’m no exception, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess. Are you upset that she disappeared?”

“… I suppose. But that doesn’t matter. We’re here to get things sorted out with you, not with Ladybug. So what did you want to say?”

Now she really shouldn’t tell him. He wasn’t a third party confidant. He’d have bias too.

There was a knock at the door, and Adrien swiveled to pull it back open. There was a butler there, with a black suit on and a mustache fitting for a frenchman. He handed Adrien three incredibly fluffy white towels.

Being considerate, Adrien handed the first one to Marinette and helped wrap it around her shoulders before he put his own on. He walked to his couch facing the huge windows, and spread the third towel across it so that they could sit down. She followed, and Adrien motioned for her to sit first. He had the manners of a rich kid. When she was comfortable, he sat down close to her, so that he’d stay on the towel too.

“I uh—” Well, she could tell him some of it. But not all of it. “I hurt a close friend of mine. Accidentally. And I want to help him feel better, but he’s offered me a choice. A choice that will hurt him no matter what I choose.”

Adrien’s eyes went wide. “You’ve hurt him before? How?” He shook his head at himself, “What were your choices?"

“Here, I’ll— I’ll put it this way. Me and him, we’re friends, but I did something that would break his trust in me if he knew. And now, he wants to trust me again. I don’t want to let him do that, because I don’t want to hurt him again, but I don’t want to turn him down, because it’s going to hurt him too.”

“How do you know you’ll hurt him again if you let him in?”

“Because I’ve done it before. I— I’ve shown that I don’t care about him as much as I should. I’m not trustworthy.”

“I think you’re trustworthy, Marinette. Besides, just because you may have hurt him once doesn’t mean that it’s the rule. It could be the exception.” 

“How do I know that?”

“You don’t, really. But relationships aren’s simple, I don’t think? I know how much you care about the three of us, and I doubt that you have it in you to care about a close friend any less just because you made a mistake. If you really don’t want to hurt him… try thinking about what’s best for him? Instead of what’s worst?” 

“I wish it was that simple, Adrien. You… don’t know the whole situation.”

“Then explain it to me.”

She shook her head, and planted her face in her hands.

“People make mistakes. Maybe you should reach out to him. Tell him what you’re hung up on, what you’re thinking. Talk to him. Let him help you decide, if it’ll affect him this much.”

“That’s also not simple.”

“You mean you don’t feel like you can talk to him?”

“No, it’s not that. Well, it’s mostly not that. There are some things that… I just shouldn’t tell him. Besides, I can’t reach him. He comes to me and… well, he’s just… left.”

She looked up from her hands, at Adrien. He was bent over, elbows on his knees, a deep expression of concentration on his face as this thumb passed over his ring. She didn’t feel nervous, she felt sad. She’s talked to him more today than she’d ever done, and she hadn’t freaked out. It didn’t feel like she was talking to Adrian Agreste— the model, her crush— it felt like she was talking to Adrien Agreste— her friend.

“Do you want him to come back?”

Marinette sighed. “I don’t know.”

He sat up, leaned back, looked at the ceiling. “What was the first thing that you did? That hurt him?”

“He doesn’t know.”

“So then why would he care? If he’s your… friend, then he cares about you too. I don’t know him, but I have a hard time thinking he’d abandon you just because you made a mistake.”

“I can’t tell him. He would abandon me if he knew. And I wouldn’t blame him.”

“I have a hard time believing that.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Who is he?” She looked at him, and it him a moment for him to realize that she was. He turned his face from the ceiling, and to her.

“It doesn’t really matter, Adrien. Thanks for talking to me.”

“Please don’t go. Not yet.”

“It stopped raining. I should probably leave before it starts again.”

She got up and moved to his door, leaving her towel behind. She wasn’t dripping anymore; she was still damp, but not dripping. He turned and watched her over the back of the couch.

“Marinette?” He said, “I think you’re making things more complicated than they have to be. I think you’re beating yourself up more than you have to. I think you’re backing yourself in a corner, like a scared cat.”

As she walked away from Adrien’s house, she couldn’t help but feel angry at him, even though it wasn’t his fault. She had hoped that she could tell him everything. It would be easier for him to help if she could. But… he had a conflict of interest too. He would probably be angry at her for quitting, and he would urge her to become ladybug again.

It wasn’t his fault. He was a good friend. God, he was so good to her!

As she walked, she absently rubbed her earlobe. She wished she had never put those stupid earrings on. Maybe none of this would have happened if she had. Things would have been easier.

When she was back in her room, Marinette sighed. “Get closer to him, or push him away. If I get closer to him, I show him that I’m untrustworthy, that I hurt him, and he hates me. Or, I push him away, and he resents me for it.”

“Marinette, I always thought you were too smart to fall into such a common fallacy.” She could almost hear Tikki admonishing her.

“And what’s that?”

“A false choice. You have more than just two options.”

“And what’s the third?”

“Confiding in him.”

She scoffed at herself. “What good will that do? I have too many things I can’t tell him for it to make any sense. Adrien didn’t help. Because he can’t know the nuances.”

“Cat Noir is your partner. You need to trust him."

How in the world had Marinette hurt Cat Noir before he offered the miraculous to her? All she’s ever been was nice. All she did was be his friend. Maybe… maybe she was upset that she failed that first time she helped him? That she couldn’t get the pen from the Evillustrator? In that case, she was being totally bonkers about it. It’s been two months since that went down.

But, that wouldn’t necessarily be out of character for her… she was a serial over-thinker. He saw it whenever he was with her as Adrien. So if she was upset about that, she would be worried that she’d fail as a new Ladybug, and so she’d be compelled to turn the miraculous down. But then she’d be afraid not to take the miraculous because she was afraid that by saying no, she’d abandon him, like the first Ladybug did.

Why would Cat Noir be upset about that? Her first mission didn’t go as planned? Plans went sideways all the time.

He stretched out, long ways, on the couch. “Does she make sense to you, Plagg?”

“Marinette?”

“No, Natalie. Of course Marinette, Plagg, who else would I be talking about?”

“Women never make sense. You cozy up with a piece of camembert instead, and you’re golden.”

He turned, and looked at his kwami for a long moment. He stood, to find the ladybug miraculous box, which had been on his desk. With the box, which fit perfectly in the palm of his hand, he walked away and leaned against the window. He twirled the box, thinking. “It doesn’t make sense. Even if she felt bad about not getting the akuma from Evillustrator, I’ve thanked her for her help. She has no reason to think Cat Noir was disappointed in her.”

  “Adrien, maybe that’s not what she’s upset about. Maybe she wasn’t even talking about you. You should really eat more camembert. I’ve heard it’s good for the brain.”

He twirled his miraculous around his finger, before he said to Plagg, “Maybe I just need to give her some time.” When the sun went down, he transformed, and left his house for Marinette’s balcony. 

As he made his way there, he saw her waiting on the balcony. For a few moments, he stayed out of sight; he landed silently on the railing opposite her, behind her. She sighed heavily, looking out at the city around her, leaning her face on her elbow. Silently, he climbed down from the railing, and stood there. “Mari?”

She swung around, drowsy posture making way to shock. “Cat Noir!” She threw herself at him, hugging his midsection.

“Hey.” He said, hugging her back loosely. 

“Oh, Kitty, I thought you… I thought I’d never see you again!”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” He felt his face warm, and he felt his muscles relax. “I’ve just been stressed. I’m insanely lucky that I’ve been able to protect Paris on my own for so long. And I don’t want to see the day that I fail.”

She stepped back from him, saying, “Neither do I. I just…” Marinette’s eyebrows furrowed, and she looked at their feet, so close. “I can’t be who you want me to.”

“You don’t think you would be a good Ladybug?”

“I don’t think I can be your Ladybug. I don’t think… well, you think a lot of her, don’t you?”

He pressed a hand into her shoulder, and looked down into her eyes as they turned up into his; and they were full and blue and confused. She looked hurt, sad, confused and… enchanted. Enchanted. “What makes you think I want you to be her?”

“Weren’t you in love with her?” She looked away, gently pressing her hand into the center of his chest, with a steady pressure; he released her, and she took a few steps away from him, cradling herself in her arms.

He swallowed, hard. He should have brought a bottled water or something. Maybe he was getting out of shape, needed to do more cardio, because suddenly he felt winded. “Yes.”

“I don’t want to be your rebound.”

“I don’t want you to be either. But I know… we could be great. If you wanted us to be. And you don’t have to know now. You can take your time.” He reached up and gently rubbed the back of his neck. “This has been my normal for long enough that I kind of forgot that this would be a big decision.”

“What If I can’t live up to her?”

“I’m not offering you this because I want you to live up to her. I’m offering this because I trust you. And don’t tell me ‘but kitty, you shouldn’t!’ It doesn’t matter. I do.”

“Cat Noir, can… can I tell you something? That I think will change your mind?”

“Nothing will change my mind. But I’ll listen.” He held out his hand, and she took it. “But first, let’s get out of here. Let’s go. Take a walk.” He took his staff from it’s resting spot on his back, but she stopped him, placing her hand over his, and pushing his staff down. 

“I have stairs.”

“Of course.” She led him through her room, down through her house and the bakery, where he stopped to admire her family’s work. It never stopped amazing him, how creative Marinette was. She designed clothes, and she’d ice cakes… when she designed a hat for the fashion competition earlier that year, she’d been clever enough to build in a signature. An incredible foresight of Chloe’s treachery.

When she took his hand to draw him away from the distraction, he couldn’t help but think that she would live up to the old Ladybug. She was clever and strong and confident when she had to be… she just needed to be given the room to do so.

But… maybe she was right. Maybe he was looking for a rebound. A replacement. But when he thought about Marinette… he felt like he wanted her to hold on to him. And that’s where he found a difference between how he felt about Ladybug and Marinette; he wanted to hold on to Ladybug, but he wanted Marinette to hold on to him. He wanted to be someone that Marinette could hold on to. Someone she could confide in.

They walked down the street in silence. It was still slightly damp from the on-and-off drizzles thorough the day. It was a few minutes until they reached the Seine. Marinette settled them on a dark strip in the middle of two lampposts, in the direct middle of the bridge. She didn’t let go of his hand until she asked him for the ladybug miraculous.

“I trust you brought it with you?”

“I can’t really leave it unattended.” He pulled a small black box from a pouch fixed to his belt. When he opened it, he plucked out two red earrings. He held them in his palm. His anticipation was building as they both stared at the miraculous in his hand— at last, Marinette turned her eyes to his. He knew that look.

Marinette slowly curled her fingers around the small, powerful thing, and slowly began to put on the earrings. “Kitty, I was talking with A… friend, the other day. And he said that I should tell you why I’m so… hesitant.” She looked down at his boots, and continued, “But I think I’m too cowardly to just say it.”

When the last earring was clipped in place, a red, black-spotted kwami appeared beside Marinette’s face. The kwami looked between Cat Noir, and Marinette, and then shot a look that was supposed to say— well, Cat Noir couldn’t tell, but it looked serious— at Marinette.

Cat Noir’s breath hitched. His face was getting hot and his heart was heavy and he wondered momentarily if what she had to say really would change his view of her.

“Cat Noir, I—”

“Wait!” His clawed hand flew to cover her mouth. “If you’re going to tell me something that’s… that’s as horrible as you make it seem, I— I want you to know—”

He took a step into her. “I think I’m falling in love with you. I don’t know yet. But I know that I want you by my side.The first ladybug— yes, I was in love with her. And she abandoned me. I was hurt and broken, but you helped heal my heart. You’re strong, Mari, and you can help a lot more people. With me. That’s why I want you. You don’t have to change my mind. You can just accept it. Please.”

“No, Cat Noir. No. I told you, the first night, I told you! I’m a coward!”

“No. You’re not— you step up. You’re afraid but you always step up. Here and at school, Marinette. How come you never  see that?”

“You see me at school?” She asked, looking back up to observe him.

He let out a harsh sigh, and ran his fingers through his hair. “I trust you, Marinette. I love you.” They were silent for a moment.

“I can’t do this. I can’t be Ladybug. It’d be unfair. To you.” She covered her face. She was rapidly loosing the bold determination that she had a moment ago. She shouldn’t have taken the miraculous. She couldn’t transform. Because as soon as she did, as soon as she transformed, he would see that it was her. She would see that she was the one who abandoned him. She would hurt him again. But what if it would be worse if she didn’t transform? If she didn’t tell him?

“No, it would’t. I trust you. I’m choosing you, Marinette.”

“Don’t. Don’t choose me. I need to show you—” 

“I trust you. Plagg—”

“No!” Her head snapped up. “Don’t!”

“— Claws in.”

“Not until I…”

The black leather of his suit melted away. It gave way to Blue jeans, a black, signature shirt, and an open white button-up. Marinette’s hand found her mouth, and tears began to lap at her eyes again.

“You have no idea, Marinette, you have no idea. You’re stronger than you think, and all of your friends see it every day. Why can’t you? You’ve convinced yourself that you’ve hurt me and I can’t even figure out when that was. When are you going to see that you’re holding yourself back?”

“Adrien—” She began to sob. “No, no…” She took a few steps back, only stopped when she hit the railing.  “No…”

“Marinette? You’re… disappointed?” He took a step back, and cradled his face in his hands. “Maybe you were right. This was a mistake. Maybe I’m not meant to be Cat Noir… maybe I’m meant to be alone.” He looked up at her. “I was a coward too.”

“No…” She looked at him. “Adrien… I…”

“I deserted my partner in a battle with our arch-nemesis just because I couldn’t handle seeing my father’s face. Ladybug was a coward. But she was right to leave me.” He looked back up at Marinette. “You’re right to turn this down. I’ve… broken everything I touch. Maybe that’s why Master Fu gave me the cat miraculous. Maybe that’s why I need to give it back.”

“No, Ladybug was wrong. She was a coward, but she didn’t know what else to do.” Adrien looked back up at her.

“How do you know that?”

“Maybe she saw who Hawkmoth was and was afraid she couldn’t do the right thing. Because of who he was.”

Adrien was dumbfounded, struck silent.

“Maybe she had the hardest choice she ever had— to betray Cat Noir, her partner, give up, or— or hurt the boy she was in love with. Whichever choice she could have made, she’d have been wrong.”

Adrien looked at the miraculous box in his hand. The one Marinette knew so well.

“And then— and then she hurt the boy she loved anyway! Ladybug can’t do anything right! Neither can Marinette! She… she should have confided in her partner. Maybe if she had, she wouldn’t have broken everything.” She fell to her knees, wracked with uncontrollable tears, folded in on herself. “She wouldn’t have broken everything, for no reason at all.”

Adrien— Cat Noir— took a step back from her. She could hear his footsteps on the concrete. “Marinette?” 

Marinette hid her face. The ladybug kwami flew down to the side of her face, and began to tug on her finger. “Get up, Marinette. You care about him. Which means you need to tell him.”

“Tikki…” 

“How do you know her name?” His fists balled at his sides, but, just as quickly as they had, they relaxed. He felt… hopeless.

She looked up at him. “I’m so sorry, Adrien… I’m so sorry.”

“… Master Fu didn’t send me with the miraculous to choose a new ladybug, did he? He sent me… to retrieve the old one.” He felt like… he was going in circles.

“Spots on.”

And in a moment, the girl who fixed his heart transformed into the one who broke it. He took a step back as she stood, nervously. And then he took another. Ladyb— Marinette’s eyes welled up. She stepped forward, her mouth open to begin speaking, but he didn’t stay to listen. He turned and sprinted away from her, down the bridge. He ran— like a coward. Like he did before.

He felt like he just lost everyone in his life. They all left him, either… either just left, or betrayed him. “Claws out!” His disguise, his former freedom, appeared around his body. With his staff, he vaulted himself away, and she didn’t follow him. He bounced around the city on auto-pilot, his mind racing at break-neck speeds, and when he stopped to catch his breath, he found himself perched on top of the Eiffel Tower. He looked out over the city.

God, he was so stupid. His vision blurred and tears began to wet the corners of his mask.

“So Fu chose you for Cat Noir? Just as he chose the first Ladybug? Why would he suddenly let you choose? Why did he think that would be a good idea?”

Because he wasn’t letting him choose.

He was a pawn. He missed his mom. His father was Hawkmoth. His partner quit on him.  Master Fu was using him. His partner, who he fell out of love with, turned out to the the girl that he’d fallen for. It felt like everyone was lying to him. Next, he’d find out that his mother wasn’t really dead.

His breaths came in short spurts, and he pressed a hand against his chest. The partner who he had been in love with turned out to be the same girl that helped him get over her.

She never really left his side.

His breathing began to steady. Tears still soaking into his mask, he stood, balanced perfectly on the tallest structure in Paris. He looked back the way that he had come, from the Seine. Would she still be there?

He vaulted and ran there as fast as he could. As soon as he saw the bridge, from a distance, saw that it was empty— he changed trajectory. The bakery.

She was curled on the balcony of the bakery, face pressed against the railing, sobbing. She’d de-transformed, and Tikki was hugging her cheek.

“Claws off.” A voice came from behind her. Cat Noir— Adrien— she heard his footsteps on the cracked concrete, and in a moment, he was kneeled next to her. “Marinette?” Marinette turned and continued crying, into him, balling a hand into his shirt. Tikki moved away from Marinette, and into the flower bushes lining the balcony.

“I fell in love with you. Twice. You didn’t abandon me.” He pressed his mouth into the top of her head, and embraced her as she wailed. “You didn’t want to hurt Cat Noir or Adrien.”

“No.” Marinette hiccuped.

“You… didn’t want to take Adrien's father away. You didn’t want to tell him his father was evil.”

“No.”

“So you hurt Cat Noir. And you stuck with him, to help him heal, even if… even if you wouldn’t get credit. Even if Cat Noir hated Ladybug’s memory.”

“Yes.” She said, as her tears began to fade. She closed her eyes, and felt his chest rise and fall, his calm breaths as he hugged her. He took a long, deep breath.

“You didn’t leave because you thought I was a coward.”

“”It honestly didn’t cross my mind.”

“And you fell in love with Adrien— with me. Those pictures in your room, they’re not because I’m a model. You fell in love with me, and rejected… me, for me.”

“You fell in love with me, twice. I fell in love with you twice, too.” She pulled out from underneath his chin, and looked at his face. He swallowed, hard.

“You did?”

He was red. She probably was, too. “Yeah.”

One of his hands retreated from around her, and found home on her cheek. “Marinette, come back. As Ladybug. Please.”

“I— I failed as Ladybug the first time. I betrayed my partner for a boy I was in love with. I betrayed Parisian’s safety for a boy I love. I’ll need time. Before we can have what we had before. But we should try to get there.”

Closing his eyes tight and pressing his forehead against hers, he said, “I don’t blame you. You were given a problem too heavy for a teenager to handle. Just like you said.” After a moment, he added, “I need you. It’s been a cat-astrophe without you.”

She coughed, and finally smiled again. “Was that a cat pun?” 

“Yes.” He smiled softly, before he turned his head slightly. He moved his face closer, by just a little bit— and when she didn’t pull away, he kissed her. It was quick, and when he pulled away and hugged her, his head over her shoulder, she said, “Okay.”

He pulled back, smiling— It reached his eyes. “Okay? You’ll come back, Bug-a-boo?”

“Yeah, I will, Kitty.”

“… And you’ll be my girlfriend? Not right away. Eventually. We’ll talk about it. When we get there?”

“Yeah, I will, Kitty— Adrien.” She kissed his cheek, laughing, “But your dad won’t like me for you. I think I’m a little poor for his taste.” She winced at herself. “Oh no— I’m sorry. I didn’t mean— old habits…”

He smiled, sadly. “It’s okay. He— well you want to be a fashion designer. So it won’t be a complete disappointment.” His hand on her face fell to her shoulder, and his other on her hip. “But he can’t know you’re Ladybug. That he’d really hate you for.”

“You don’t have to make light of it, Adrien.”

“I don’t know what else to make of it.” He sighed as they stood together. “What are we going to do about him? About Hawkmoth?”

“I don’t know.” She put both hands on his face. “We need to find out why he wants our miraculi. But I think the first step is going to bed. It’s nearly midnight.”

“Cats are semi-nocturnal.”

“Well, last I checked, you’re a human boy.”

“Plagg.” He said, and his Kwwami flew from behind one of Marinette’s flower bushes, where he must have been hiding with Tikki. “I appreciate you letting us alone.”

“Lovey-dovey stuff makes me sick. Can you ask if she has cheese? That always settles my stomach.”

“Your cheese grossed me out. Plagg— Claws out.” As his suit materialized on him, he walked to Marinette’s railing, and hoped up, perching like a cat, watching Marinette as Tikki popped on her shoulder. “See you at school, Marinette.”

“Next time someone gets akumatized, we’ll tell Paris that I’m back.”

“Yes, we will. I love you, Marinette. Goodnight.”

“I love you too. Goodnight.”

Cat Noir— Adrien— sprung into the night, toward the Agreste house. Marinette climbed back into her room, and shut the balcony door. They would work things out. Things wouldn’t go back to normal, but that was alright. They could work it out. They could, and would, do it together. They would have plenty of time.