Work Text:
There comes a point in a person's life, where being a bystander looking in turns... ugly.
Keith always thought he was bigger than this, he was bigger than those few measly feelings and the few stabs of jealousy and anger. he didn't need other people's affection, he didn't need their love, he wasn't weak. he was an Alpha he didn't need it, he didn't.
He remembers, as a child, how hard was it, to sit outside after class watching his peers being picked up by loving families, mothers giving their kids gentle kisses, nuzzling their necks, fathers hugging their kids hello, mingling their scents, siblings ruffling each others' hair or jostling each other in a friendly manner.
He remembers all that and remembers how his chest would constrict, how he would clench his fists and rage about how unfair it was, that he was all alone.
Sometimes when it's dark and late he would wriggle under the rough blankets and press his back to the wall, with a pillow pressed to his chest and he would imagine that those were his parents, that they loved him and held him close, that he was surrounded by their warmth and comforting scents. but the wall would be too chilly, or a door would slam and words would be shouted and the fantasy would break.
At that time, the foster home he lived in, wasn't so bad. they cared for him, gave him food and shelter... but they barely spoke to him, he wasn't pack, wasn't family and wasn't treated as such. they were simply doing their most basic duties- it wasn't bad, truly, because saying otherwise would be ungrateful.
They give him back 3 months later, something about being too explosive.
It hurt then. he was all but 6 and rejection burned.
He remembers silently crying in the back of car as he was carted back to the orphanage.
Thus began his long journey through the foster system.
He never understood what exactly was wrong with him. he wasn't too blind, however, too understand that he was somehow, undesirable.
this realization burned, it stung and managed to fit itself snugly around his mind, it colored his thoughts and actions. The years he believe this, were the worst.
He became more withdrawn, deciding he won't try anymore. If no one wanted him, why should he want them back? he became distant and prickly, picking fights and let his anger consume him... he was just 10.
His social-worker would look at him and say something along the lines of him growing into his Alpha nature. That it was natural that an Alpha would have a hard time with others.
The foster home he ended up in was rough.
They never laid a hand on him, but they were... mean.
The father was a very rough Alpha, always shouting, always insulting, always demanding, and the wife was a distant Beta. they ignored him most of the time and they barely gave him enough food to survive.
It would have been fine, it wasn't the first house that he had to go without food in. But it wasn't. This time, it really wasn't.
Because when it was bad, it was bad for everyone in the house and he would take a sort of sick comfort in the fact that he wasn't the only one suffering, but at this particular place... the foster family treated each other so lovingly, and the loud Alpha would lavish his biological kids with love.
Keith thinks, that this house was the worst.
It was torture, everyday to look at them being loving, touching, nuzzling, scenting, and the second they look at him they would sneer and throw harsh words his way.
The first time it happened he locked himself in the bathroom.
In the mirror a child, barely looking his age would stare back, eyes large and sunken, dark circles underneath them, skin too pale and limbs too thin, he tried to see in himself something anyone would like... and failed.
They give him back.
___
The first time he thought about dying, was when he was 12.
Not in a suicidal sense, but in a 'he had already lived too long' sorta sense.
He was tired, of being rejected and sidelined.
he spent his time observing people, observing how packs behaved with each other. he didn't understand them.
The first time he ran away, he was 13.
The house was bad.
It was overcrowded and the parents didn't hesitate to 'discipline' the kids. the other foster children who lived there resembled ghosts. and that scared Keith. by the end of the first week, his sides were completely blue.
He had his first rut in that house.
The mother was the one who found him, curled in a pathetic ball on the bathroom tile, skin overheated and flushed, agony coursing through his body like tiny knives under his skin. he was craving something anything. a soft touch, a familiar scent, someone to relieve his arousal.
"So there's where you are." She said, an edge to her voice.
Keith let out a sob. unsure of what was happening to him.
"P-Please" his voice was ragged.
The mother stared at him in mild disgust and roughly grabbed his arm, he tried to struggle but she tightened her grip and he cried out in pain, her nails leaving sharp crescents in their wake. She dragged him behind her and led him to the room they prepared for heats and ruts .
She shoved him in roughly and locked the door behind her, leaving him alone and confused. His skin burning, his senses overwhelmed while he craved...something.
It was agonizing, he spent half of his rut groaning in pain and the other half snapping and growling at nothing, clawing at the walls.
He hated this, hated his body, hated this house and hated the world as a whole.
4 days later, found Keith a naked pile on the floor, clothes discarded and nails bloody, he was aching, his chest felt empty. he wanted- he wanted someone to hug him. as pathetic as that was.
The moon engulfed him with its gentle rays and the stars twinkled brightly beside it.
It was really pretty.
____
The year he spent on the run was simultaneously the best and worst decision he had ever made.
The best because he could at least fool himself that he was alone due to personal choice, worst because... well- streets weren't kind to anyone. let alone a 13 year old twink of an Alpha.
That year he learned the value of having a knife with you all the time, he became really good at defending himself, he had the scars to prove it.
Every day was a struggle, but at least he was too busy surviving to think of the gaping hole in his chest.
He got caught.
Some police officer saw him rummaging through a restaurant trash. dirty and almost feral. he didn't come easy, it turned messy.
He woke up in the hospital, the familiar face of his social-worker, Janet, greeted him. She looked disappointed.
Keith bared his teeth at her.
She sighed.
They shipped him off to the Galaxy Garrison. A military-run institute, his grades before running away had been impeccable.
He thinks, this was the first time he had ever been truly excited.
___
Being around human again was... hard.
He tries, really he does. but being social was always hard for him, he'd never been taught how , or even something as simple as how to make friends.
The closest thing he got was one of his foster moms backhanding him for speaking out of line.
So he kept his head low, tried to be respectful, and followed orders.
The Garrison pumped them full of suppressants, which Keith was infinitely grateful for. Keith Ruts were always inconsistent and rare, which made sense seeing as his body was too busy trying not to starve to death to make time for useless bodily functions. The dulled senses were the only thing he regretted.
His life changed when he met Takashi Shirogane.
.... his life started when he met Shiro.
Shiro was Shiro, he was indescribable, he made Keith feel like a human, like he was worthy of affection and touch and love. Shiro was the first one to hug keith- ever.
Keith loved every second of it, he kind of understood now, why people wanted to have friends, why they formed packs.
He thinks Shiro's an Alpha, but he knows assuming is wrong, it's not like it matters either way. Shiro talks to him constantly and doesn't get mad when he misses social cues. Shiro ruffles his hair and praises his piloting skills, Shiro gives him one armed hugs and spars with him. Shiro actually cares about what he has to say.
And keith, like a drowning man, latches into him with all his might, he clings to the praise and hordes the feeling of gentle touches, and keeps it all in, lest Shiro thinks him undesirable too.
That year, he starts to think, that maybe he isn't so faulty after all, maybe he'd find people that like him for him.
Keith starts laughing more, he opens up to Shiro a bit, and Shiro notices, he looks proud. almost like how Keith imagines a father would look.
Kerberos happens.
Keith's world crumbles.
He punches a fucking superior in the face.
He runs away.
Again.
_____
The year alone in the desert was like déjà vu, he was alone again, with no one to make him feel like he deserves to exist. He spent it looking for clues, he knew that Shiro was alive dammit, he knew something was off he could feel it.
.... never in his wildest fantasies would he have came up with what actually happened.
Giant robotic cats, Voltron, The Galra... it was too much. but at least he had Shiro back. The others too weren't so bad either... he kinda liked them.
_____
It started, as it somehow always did, with Lance.
Or actually, it started when their suppressants started wearing off, and everyone started letting their secondary gender color their actions.
It wasn't that big of a change really, Keith got more competitive, especially with Lance, Hunk tried his best to play the peacemaker, Shiro took charge and Pidge well, They haven't presented yet.
They were a Pack, however tentative that was.
They didn't scent much... if ever, didn't really bond as a pack, but Keith understood. they were in the middle of a war, there was no room for such frivolous activities. Keith tried to ignore how his skin ached for a touch.
Then they found out Lance was an Omega and everything changed.
After the Big Revel, they started taking turns, so that one would be with Lance at all times of the day, it was Keith's turn now.
Lance was in the middle of his nest, looking the most relaxed the Keith had ever seen him.
Keith knows that they messed up somehow... he's just not sure how, he walked closer to the slumbering figure and gently sits beside him, careful not to ruin the nest (he knew Omegas were particular about them) his fingers cradled through the other's boy's hair, marveling at how soft it was, he continued his soothing motion, something inside him demanded that he care for his pack-mate, since he probably wouldn't be part of it soon enough.
"Hey"
The soft voice made him jump in his place, and Lance let out a small huff of laughter.
Keith flushed and looked away.
"H-hey" he cursed himself for stuttering.
Lance was looking amused, the familiar look was slowly making Keith settle down. he hadn't realized how this whole mess was affecting him until then. his shoulders relaxed.
"You okay?"
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Keith asked with a raised eyebrow trying to push away his apprehension.
Lance blushed. "Yeah 'bout that.." he said sheepishly, trailing off, now that the Heat haze was lifting, he was starting to realize how embarrassing he had been acting, the silence stretched on for a couple of seconds.
"Shiro told us 'bout what you thought. I can't speak for everyone but... I know I messed up somehow and I'm sorry, it's okay if you guys don't want me in the pack anymore." Keith was mumbling looking anywhere but at the earnest blue eyes. He knew it was better to get apologies out of the way first. he may not know much about pack but he knew that making the Pack omega sad or distressed was a big no-no.
He must have smelled really distressed because Lance shot up quickly, crowding closer to Keith and Keith tried not to blush at the sight of the naked chest and the sweet scent that suddenly enveloped his senses.
"Hey! no Keith man, no."
Keith was just staring at Lance, uncomprehending, he was ready for Lance to take the opportunity to kick him out of the Pack, after all Lance hated him... right?
Lance bit his lip and took Keith's hand in his. Keith's blush deepened especially when Lance's thumb starting drawing circles on the scent glands on his wrist.
"Look Keith, one, you didn't do anything wrong, two no one is kicking you off this pack, you know we can't form Voltron without you man!"
Keith wasn't really sure what exactly was happening, one second he was sure that that was it this was the end of the fantasy, only for Lance to start doing... whatever it was he was doing.
Scenting. his brain supplied numbly.
Something that pack did, he remembered.
His breath hitched. his eyes was burning, he knew he was shaking.
"Woah!" Lance was definitely panicking now.
"Oh my god are you crying? Please don't cry!"
"I'm not crying" cried keith.
Tears were leaking from his eyes, and oh my god when was the last time he cried? he was like 6 or something, but it was overwhelming, okay? the realization that this thing. this Pack, this family was permanent was maybe too much for him to handle especially with the mentality he had before.
Thin arms pulled him closer and the mixture of Omega-scent and the scent that was purely Lance was heady, the sea-salt and fresh cotton, plus the last residuals of his heat. It smelt like home.
Lance was making shushing noises, it would have been embarrassing if it wasn't so comforting. he missed the sensation of arms around him, his skin was oversensitive with the feeling of another person pressing against it, his arms hung loosely by his side unsure of what to do, until finally it came to rest on the tanned boy's back.
When his tears finally stopped, he had somehow made his way on Lance's -thankfully blanket covered- lap, Lance was absentmindedly braiding little braids in his hair, still pressed close to the pale boy.
The silence this time was heavy.
"I never had a pack before." Keith confessed softly.
Lance's movement stopped for a second, before his fingers resumed their work.
"Yeah, I kinda figured."
"I don't know how to- how to be a good pack-mate" Keith said again, frustration making its way in his words, that was fine, anger was a familiar territory.
"You're already a good pack-mate." Lance said softly, his breath hot against Keith's ear.
"No I'm not! I never know what I'm supposed to do and- and I have all those feelings-" he spat out feelings like it was a vile word "- It's stupid, we're in the middle of a Quiznacking war and-" He was cut off by Lance's hand muffling his mouth.
"Look here mullet-man, when I say you're a good pack-mate that means you're a good pack-mate." Lance said every word being emphasized with a finger poking Keith's chest.
"And there is nothing wrong with feelings man, whatever they are, you can't stop feeling just cause we're fighting dude."
silence.
"So what sort of feelings are they anyway?" Lance asked wiggling his eyebrows in a ridiculous manner. Keith was sure that this was supposed to imply something, but he was coming up blank.
Keith ducked his head, hiding his eyes behind his bangs.
"It's stupid" Keith didn't know why he was answering in the first place but something about their position, made it feel important, that he be truthful.
Lance seemed to take the hint, that this was important, and settled down again, pressing his own scent gland against Keith's, comforting the agitated Alpha.
"It's just- I don't like it when I can't sense any of you guys, and I always want to be touching one of you and sometimes I really, really, want to- to try nuzzling someone, but it's stupid there is no time for that, and I just wanna smell my scent on you guys and I want your scents on me too." There he said it. That was the single-most embarrassing thing he had ever said. in his life.
And Lance, Lance was instantly hit by a crippling wave of guilt, because while he was having his little pity fest, there was Keith, guilty because he wanted them to act like an actual pack.
"Oh."
"I told you it's stupid."
"No it's not, it's just god, Keith I'm so sorry, we really haven't been a good pack... to anyone." Keith was going to protest but the feeling of a soft cheek against his made him stop. really if he blushed anymore he would turn into a literal tomato.
"W-what are you doing" he asked in a choked voice.
"Nuzzling." Lance said simply, and then arched his neck back to give Keith space to do just that.
Keith, stared dumbfounded, Lance gently pushed the back of his head closer. and Keith tentatively pushed his nose against the junction between his neck and shoulder, inhaling the scent and rubbing his face in Lance's hair. It was every bit as heavenly as he had imagined.
"That's natural you know." Lance finally said. " What you said, that's what you usually feel for pack, 'course for Omegas and Betas it's a bit different, but- it's natural."
Keith was silent.
"Oh. I didn't know that"
Lance huffed a small laugh.
"It's okay you know, we could learn all of this together."
"I-I'd like that." He said shyly.
Lance grinned.
"Hey Keith it's ti- Oh my god Lance! you're awake!"
They both turned at the sound of Hunk entering the room, he quickly made his way to the messy pile of the floor where he proceeded to wrap Lance in a bone crushing hug, Lance spluttered and tried to squirm out of the hug only for him to settle down and start patting the big man's head softly, fingers running through his soft hair.
"Hey Buddy."
"You're okay now man right? you're probably hungry I promise to make you the best meal in your life man, hey Keith do you thi- Oh my god were you crying? are you okay?" He released Lance unceremoniously and turned to grasp Keith's shoulders firmly.
"Did Lance bite you?" Hunk asked in complete seriousness.
"W-what?!" Keith couldn't help the mortified squeak.
The indignant 'Hey!' was ignored by both.
"He's got sharp teeth I know, were you guys fighting though? you really shouldn't fight I me-"
"Hunk, Hunk! Lance did not bite me!" Keith almost shouted, bewildered by the strange turn of events.
"Then why were you crying?" Hunk asked softly his thumb coming up to rub at the tear tracks. Keith blushed. he was doing a lot of that, lately.
"N-nothing, we were just, uh-"
"WE were having a bonding moment." Lance declared proudly.
Hunk raised both eyebrows and pulled Keith closer to his chest.
Keith was aware of the fact that both of them were arguing nonsense over his head, but he couldn't care less because here he was pressed close to two of his pack-mates and he couldn't be happier, his skin was tingling with the excess stimuli.
The door was opened again, and in entered Shiro and Pidge, both seemed to have come to the conclusion that something was happening at Lance's room and proceeded to check on the rest. Only for them to be greeted with the - rather adorable- sight of Keith sitting on the floor half pressed against Hunk's chest, with one of his hands entwined in Lance's... Lance who was still naked.
Shiro rolled his eyes in exasperation, but the three of them we smiling, despite the tear tracks on Keith's Face (what was that about) but the atmosphere was light with none of the previous days angst congesting the place.
"Is there room for us in here?" Shiro asked, amused. He was met with enthusiastic nods from all three.
It took some maneuvering, but somehow all 5 of them managed to find a way so that all of them were touching somewhere.
"So what's all that about?" Shiro asked in his best dad voice.
"Lance bit Keith." Hunk answered promptly.
"I did not!" Lance screeched.
Shiro winced at the volume.
"Keith wanted a hug." Lance said instead.
Keith's eyes widened. "I did not!"
"Nu-uh you totally did man, you want us to love you more~" Lance said teasingly, waiting for Keith to blow up in his face. But was instead met with suspicious silence.
There was an awkward pause.
"Uh... you do know we all love you Keith right?" That was Pidge, they piped up from somewhere behind him.
The 'course I do' that came was too slow for it to be believable by anyone.
And for the second time in a single week, Shiro could feel his heart breaking.
That was the second time he realized how badly, he let down his pack.
"Aw Keith, come here." Hunk said pulling the red Paladin for a hug. Keith squirmed for a bit before he finally relaxed into the hug, unconsciously seeking out the scent gland and pressing close. Hunk smelt comforting like flowers and the food he loved so much.
Shiro watched as Lance and Pidge gravitated towards the hug, turning it into a mushy cuddle pile.
He sighed. he had to talk to them. he cleared his throat and waited until all the pups had their attention on him.
"I realize this may not be the time, but this week made me realize that I have not been the best Alpha you guys could have." he quickly raised his hand to ward off their protests. Shiro continued " We haven't been acting very pack-like, and I'm sorry about that, but now that I realize what I've been doing wrong, I'd like you all to forgive me. I want you all to tell me if there is anything, anything at all that is bothering you or that you want me or the others to do. We are a pack now, and our first priority is to each other, first and foremost."
"It's not going to be a smooth-sailing, but I'm sure that together we could make this work." He said the last sentence with a soft smile and hopeful eyes, holding each of their gazes for a while before moving on.
There was a sniffle.
Four pairs of eyes turned towards the source of the noise.
Keith was hiding his face behind his arms, as he let out a mortified whimper.
"Sorry." he ground out sounding frustrated with himself.
"Hey, none of that now man." Hunk said, somehow finding a way to crowd closer to the red paladin.
"Hunk's right Keith, what's wrong?" Shiro asked gently. Keith wiped his eyes angrily, furious at himself for being such a weak crybaby.
A small hand gripped his, and a thumb pressed over his scent gland, his shoulders relaxed. he sent a small grin at Pidge only to get one in return.
"I- I'm just... can we uh- can we do this more? again?" He stumbled over his words, his face was burning, but from the corner of his eyes he could see Lance grinning at him.
"Do what?" Shiro asked.
"This. The hugging. touching. I like it, I've never done it before."
And wasn't that a sobering thought.
A finger was pressing under his chin, urging him to look upwards. "Of course Keith, anything you want. We're your Pack now. your family." Shiro's face was so serious as he said it.
That broke the dam.
He doesn't know how long he's been crying, but it was somehow freeing. like all his anger, uncertainty, his jealousy, all gone. Because he was wanted. He was loved. He was precious. People wanted him in their lives. He wasn't undesirable, not anymore.
The sobbing turned into hiccuping laughter, when Keith finally settled over hunk's chest, exhausted. He whispered softly, "Thanks guys."
The silence was blissful.
"Are those braids in your hair?" Pidge asked incredulously.
A beat of silence then
"LANCE!"