Chapter Text
gotta deal with some shit real quick karkles be right back, Dave says, walking out of his room.
DO *NOT* CALL ME THAT! He shouts back.
A few minutes of thumb-twiddling later, he notices a book labeled “art” and picks it up. He begins reading.
dont you DARE touch my shit or else im going back in time and kill your parents howd you even get in my room, under my bed, and through the floorboards
Karkat hesitates then flips the page.
day 1
hey journal
so i
fuck this shits hard
ok so rose told me i should write down how i feel and shit instead of ranting to her about it. she says she can only do so much therapizing (bs she knows damn well she can and will keep therapizing me anyways shes like a witch who just wont stop casting spells on my house despite it literally using up all her magic and then she bitches about it like she cant just stop cursing my fucking house) so this is my first journal and ive been thinking about some stuff that i didn’t wanna tell her in the first place anyways
i miss john and jade and davesprite too i think
i mean i have no reason to miss him but he seemed really cool and now hes taking up my spot in the john zone. im jealous but he also seemed rad so i wanna see him again. hes me hes gotta be cool yk
not sure the deal with jade shes cool shes like a space furry now thats cool
i miss playing with john he was always such a rad dude and i think i may have felt something for him at some point but thankfully im not gay so idk what thats about hahahahahahaha
its not like im hamophoric homophobic or anything but lice like you know thats not mæ me you get it wy why wod would i be gay like i men mean rose is gay and thas thats ra cool so maybe it would be wouldnt be that bat bad
ok thats enough journaling good night
da 2
ros handd me a pple jooce and now i feeel al slugy and funy hehhshhhehhahe u kno karcas isso cute whene he dos da yeling nd he tld me im actng funne butt i fel grate haha butt hehehe
then, in fresher pen,
it was not apple juice.
day 3
who ends off their message with good night its a fucking journal.
but yeah i wanna expand off of that ending from day 1 cus that was weird
maybe i am gay?
i thought about it after and realized karkats like fuck how do i say this???
ive definitely got the hots for karkat fuck im not gonna play ring around the rosy with it this elephant has been playing for like a year and hes pissed so he went stomping off. i dont even know how he was playing cus elephants cant skip. anyways. karkats adorable and whenever i see him i can feel my heart getting a bit faster. sometimes well stay up really late and watch movies and shows and hes just sitting next to me then he falls asleep… laying on me. that contact makes me feel so much. a lot of feelings. like i wanna protect him, hes so precious, but i also wanna kiss him all over, but i also wanna tease him and see him angry again. but more than anything i just wanna be near him. i dont really care if he wants to do the weird hatemance thingy or whatever if it means i get to spend my time near him i really dgaf
thats corny god when did i get like this bro
Karkat blushes, turning the page.
day 4
ever since i wrote that yesterday i feel so funny. like i just cant get him off the mind. his dumbass hair. his dumbass teeth. i wonder what making out would be like with his fangs like would he cut my tongue? and like if they do then how could they even make out do they have strong tongues? if this is so, then like if i make out with him im gonna be forced to bottom but i mean i guess i dont mind that
day 5
cant stop thinking about karkat. he decided to make me chips because i was feeling like shit. thats like. so damn domestic? god i want him so badly it’s not even funny. like at the beginning i was just entertaining the idea, juggling n shit n givin the idea a good birthday party but now its like im the ideas dad
he keeps looking at me with the expression that I cant pinpoint i think he might hate me? like hes always looking at me like through my SOUL i swear???
day 6
i slept in karkats room today cus my room is honestly shitty and doesnt have my sick stuff but I made up a lie and said gamzee took my blankets. took off my glasses to sleep and he just kept looking at me. i know my eyes are cool and shit (heard it before) but this felt so weird and awkward and i kinda wanted to kiss him?? i hate this im such a fag
THE HELL'S A FAG? Karkat thinks.
d ay 7
The journal simply reads, i did it. the ‘t’ trails down a few lines, then tapers off. Karkat tries to remember. WAS THIS AFTER WE HAD THAT SLEEPOVER?
day 8
im such a faggot i should kill myself fag fag fag f ag f ag fag fog fag fag fa g fo fg fag fag fag fgg… it keeps repeating to the end of the page, the handwriting gets worse, and it ends with a comically large FAGGOT. There is a pen-stabbed hole in the middle of the paper. Tears are scattered across the page.
The next few pages are ripped out. Karkat considers closing the journal, but ultimately decides against it, seeing that there's more.
With no day number, the next unripped page (minus the stab mark) reads why cant i do anything right. It’s wet, slightly salty, undeniably tears. Karkat feels his heart break.
He has to talk to Dave.