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Jeongyo did it.
He played at a concert.
He..- No.
They did it. He couldn't have done it without Pio.
Just listen to my voice.
He listened because up there on stage Pio spoke and Jeongyo answered. A four hand piece wasn't like a mirror. If they were playing exactly the same, there would be no need for a second voice. No. They complemented each other so their sounds mixed into a beautiful melody.
Their music piece flowed like a drawn out conversation. Questions and answers and little jokes.
The bubbling feeling inside his stomach when he made a joke that was a little too far fetched and ridiculous so he didn't really understand it himself and Pio frowned in concentration, trying to decipher it anyway.
It was the little things; a laugh, a smile, a hand grabbing his. It was all those feelings he poured into his play for the world to see and it was all the feelings he couldn't hear in Pio's play but instead in the air shifting around him.
Like a whisper... Which was a bit unfortunate because he was a little unsure where they were standing so it would be nice if Pio would speak a little louder.
There might have been another problem with this considering Jeongyo didn't think when he played the piano. All troublesome thoughts disappeared and there was only the feeling of music bouncing inside his head, vibrating through his bones until he was the music, caressing like a warm embrace and painting a beautiful picture all around him.
He just played and when their hands flew over the keys and their pinkies would almost touch (but didn’t because that would have been a sign of poor coordination his treacherous mind seemed to find better than it should), he thought he might accidentally bear his soul to his duet...
…which wouldn't be much of a problem if he wasn't 70% sure falling asleep with a smile on his face while thinking of his new friend or wanting to make a fool out of himself just to hear him laugh was quite as platonic as it should be.
It had been confusing him for a while because he knew he wanted to be his friend above everything but then there were thoughts of holding his hands and his stomach would flip and he wanted to spend time and sometimes... He felt slightly jealous of Jaein. Even if he wouldn't admit it because he wasn’t sure what he was jealous of in the first place.
Pio and him were close and he didn’t think he ever had a friend quite like that while she was his year long friend. Jeongyo liked her too. She was nice.
And a girl.
Sometimes he got the feeling that everyone expected him and her to end up together one day. Everyone but Pio that was and his opinion certainly mattered the most.
Jaein was a girl and sometimes Jeongyo wondered whether they’d say the same about him if he was a girl too.
He had the feeling that Pio didn’t want him to be a girl and Jeongyo didn’t want to be one either. He just wanted to be… close.
Sometimes Jeongyo just wanted that moment again, to sit closer and lean against his shoulder (without the heart attack of almost missing their stop).
It was the thought of candles and how confused and flustered he felt by putting all of them out again with Pio which didn't make sense because it was just candles but there was something about it that made him blush.
And then there was the frequency at which he stared at his hands to be able to recollect all the imperfections (none) and moles (one on the back of his hand) which was the pianist equivalent of staring at someone's lips.
It was his ever present tapping subconsciously morphing into a duet because he thought of two right hands instead of a solo piece. It was... Pio becoming a part of his soul music... Which sounded really sappy and he should never ever repeat that again. That had been when realisation dawned on him or rather when he let it happen. When he accepted it.
Because Pio was a boy and Jeongyo was a boy and… Jeongyo was okay with that. It didn't matter if he ever liked a girl or not. He didn't think he did but he didn't think it would matter to him because he simply never had such a connection with someone before and... Was this what they called a crush?
It felt different. It felt like something more because he’d entrust his heart to Pio if he asked.
...which was a revelation he really didn't have to deal with on a stage in front of an audience or even worse: right next to Pio.
While the distance to the crowd muddled his personal voice hidden inside the music just enough, he was basically screaming into Pio's ear on the chair next to him. It didn't seem like he broadcasted this though so that was a relief. He didn't think about love or crushes or holding hands (even if that was a close call) when he played this song. No.
Pio was the last thing he saw and in his mind, it was only them. He was playing for nobody else and he felt simply... At home.
Which was arguably even more of a confession. Dammit.
The song was over quicker than he thought and slowly the echoes of the last notes they had played carried him back to reality, being replaced by loud cheers.
His hands were still shaking but when the blindfold left his eyes and he saw the crowd, for the first time in years he saw, felt and heard... nothing but peace. The noise of the crowd was like a melody that drowned out quiet sobs and agonising silence only torn through by his own screams so the melody could stay.
This was okay. They were okay.
He didn't register when he was supposed to bow, only realising when Pio stayed bowed longer than necessary. Quickly he added a bow. He could feel the adrenaline rush slowly fading and couldn’t wait to get off the stage, even if he was comfortable standing up there as long as they were together. One deep breath. He knew that was all it would take for his composure to fade and maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing once there was only two eyes on him.
His world was like echoes and he wasn't sure if he was quite there. It was a pleasant tunnel vision that kept 'too much' at bay while once he looked to the side to smile at Pio and the boy smiled back, his tunnel vision focused on him. His heart was pounding.
Just listen to my voice.
He didn't think he wanted him to ever stop speaking music because if this was home, he wanted to stay and just listen. Home was a soothing melody.
...for the first time again in years music wasn’t just his refuge. Music was right where he belonged.
Pio could see how Jeongyo's hand was trembling but his face didn't look distressed. He looked like someone who couldn't believe what they just did.
He looked like someone who trusted him enough to follow blindly. Pio wasn't sure how to feel about that. Maybe he also felt a little shaky inside.
They left the stage soon after and he was only sure of one thing. He wouldn’t leave Jeongyo alone now. He hesitated in asking whether he was okay because the hallway between prying ears wasn’t the right place.
The door to the private room shut behind them and he attempted to reach out with one hand before holding himself back. He wasn't sure why he would reach out and he wasn’t sure why he didn’t.
The effect of Jeongyo’s play on him was more than fascinating. It was like a tidal wave of a melody that swept him up and gently carried him away from the pressure. It carried him to a place where music was what made him happy. It carried him… to a place where music was his refuge. It carried him where nothing else mattered as long as their fingers danced over the keys.
It carried him away from home to a place where he felt like he could start over. A place where he wasn’t lost.
A good place.
“Jeo-“ The words got stuck in his throat when the boy turned around. Pio grabbed his own hand tightly to not reach out. Would that be… so wrong?
Their eyes met and then Jeongyo moved so fast, slinging his arms around him tightly. Their faces were so close until Jeongyo’s chin rested on his shoulder and for a moment Pio had thought they’d kiss-
Wait what?
What?
Oh…
He had to realise he was surprisingly okay with the thought. He was scared, so damn scared but deep down he couldn’t lie because he had only one thought. Yeah, I’d like that.
Jeongyo was warm. He wasn’t sure if he was ever hugged like this. Pio chuckled to get a grip on reality again. There was nothing to laugh about and yet he did because maybe the thought was scary but with Jeongyo it felt nothing but… safe. “Somehow we made it through that, didn’t we?” He said quietly.
Somehow he’d make it through this too.
Hesitantly he hugged back, resting his hand just below his shoulder blade. His words and actions prompted Jeongyo to sling his arms around his neck even tighter, to cling to him as if said action was tied to his grip on reality and as if letting go wasn’t an option.
“YEAH!” Jeongyo choked out as if he had been holding it in ever since they pressed the last key and Pio found it… strangely endearing. There was one problem though.
“Hey- You’re choking me-“ He choked out and Jeongyo didn’t seem to fully register because at this point a hug may as well transition into a cute but lethal attempt to make his heart skip more than one beat.
“Jeongyo-“ He choked out, tapping his back and that was when Jeongyo released his crushing grip and just let his head rest on his shoulder.
“Are you… crying?” Pio asked.
“No.” Jeongyo said through gritted teeth, sounding like someone who might cry if asked a second time. He patted up and down his back in a way that he thought was a soothing gesture. Jeongyo let out a shaky breath like he had been holding it for a while now.
“…there there?” Pio said.
Jeongyo snorted. “Your genius clearly only extends to playing the piano.”
“Shut up…” Pio mumbled.
Jeongyo huffed out a laugh. “Make me.”
Pio’s treacherous mind supplied ideas but he settled for just shaking his head in amusement. “Always ready to pick a fight, even with your..-“ He wasn’t sure what he was going to say.
“…friend?” Jeongyo asked hesitantly like someone who wanted to hear confirmation on this more than anything in the world. There was a certain vulnerability in his voice and when they let go of their hug, Pio saw his face. It made up for the now missing physical contact (even if he had to realise in horror that he was really damn touch starved) because now he could see the way his face lit up when he said his next words.
“I would… like that.”
That was when he realised somewhere along the lines one of them had grabbed the other’s hand. Jeongyo seemed to realise in the same moment. Pio felt caught in a way but the expression on the other boy’s face matched so instead he only felt the pounding of his heart. Caught. But neither of them let go right that moment.
Jeongyo’s hand was warmer than his own.
When Pio didn’t know how to deal with the whole orchestra if feelings anymore, he let go.
Apparently his body language and the shaky breath that escaped him made Jeongyo reach for his hand again in a split second decision before he could step away. He clasped it tightly in his own and looked at him with an expression Pio wasn’t sure how to read.
This wasn’t something new but this time it felt different because-
“Thank you.” Jeongyo said. The moment felt fragile in a way. Like stained glass. Like something that could be beautiful if it was treated with care.
He just nodded.
“Cat got your tongue?” Jeongyo teased.
“I- No!”
Jeongyo grinned. “I’m glad you’re my friend, Pio.”
“I… me too.”
“Well yeah. I’m an awesome friend.”
Pio groaned in fake annoyance. “You’re someone who’s always too late.”
Silence.
“To our practice I mean.”
Silence.
Their eyes met and until this moment Pio didn’t know someone could stand still enough you could see your own reflection in their eyes. Jeongyo blinked and Pio remembered how breathing worked.
“Do you also-“ Jeongyo stopped. In a moment of bravery, Pio squeezed his hand and he could see the other boy swallow in something akin to nervousness. Yes.
Somehow he felt like he knew what he was asking. Jeongyo didn’t seem to realise how he had been drawing circles on Pio’s hand with his thumb. Pio didn’t point it out. He certainly didn’t want him to stop. Maybe they were… the same.
“…I think so?” Pio said.
Silence.
Jeongyo’s eyes narrowed, then he let go of his hand. “Just to be sure. Are we… having the same conversation?”
Pio had to restrain himself from reaching out again. He needed to know what he didn’t… Why was this so confusing?
“I don’t know. I mean I do but I also don’t.” He said quietly. “I never thought about… something like this.“
“I might have an idea.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t think?”
“Pardon?” Pio questioned.
“Don’t think. It’s how I play the piano.” Jeongyo said.
“Seems counterproductive?”
“Only because you think too much.”
“Oh…”
“What would you do… if you didn’t think?” Jeongyo finally questioned and looking down, Pio could see the slight trembling of his hands again. He reached out and intertwined their fingers. Jeongyo had nice hands.
“I…” Pio wasn’t sure what he wanted to say.
Hesitantly, Jeongyo met his gaze. “I would do this too.” He squeezed his hand lightly.
“I would, too. I mean I like this… I would like you to.”
“I would like you, too.” Jeongyo said.
“Huh?”
“You got two functioning ears. Don’t pretend you didn’t hear me,” Jeongyo said, avoiding his gaze. “Don’t make me repeat it,” he added, almost a whisper.
Pio opened his mouth just to close it again. He did hear him. Of course he did.
“You… like me?”
That was when Jeongyo’s cheeks tinted a faint red. “Of course I do. You’re my friend.”
“But…” the question was burning on his tongue.
Silence.
Jeongyo huffed, frustrated. “Come on, Pio, don’t make me spell it out. Please… don’t- Just tell me to get lost.”
Instinctively Pio grabbed his hand tighter. Don’t leave.
“Don’t!”
“What?”
“Don’t get lost?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“I… know. Because you’re my friend. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Then you know how this is so damn…” Jeongyo stopped speaking, avoiding his gaze.
“…scary?” Pio asked and his voice didn’t crack but it was just on the edge of it.
“Yeah,” he almost whispered.
“I get it…” Pio said.
“Do you?”
Now it was Pio who needed to look anywhere else, just for a moment. He didn’t know what to say but his head snapped back when Jeongyo stepped a little closer and took his other hand too. “I… yeah,” Pio finally said as if the grip on his hands was what grounded him enough for this admission.
“I think I might like you.” The words left his lips before he could stop them from spilling out and Jeongyo’s eyes widened ever so slightly but he didn’t look disappointed, opposite really. It gave him the courage to continue.
“And it’s scary.”
Jeongyo just let him talk.
“And I don’t know what other people will think…”
“And that scares me.”
“And I’m worried you would… leave. I don’t know what to do.”
“Then don’t think.” Jeongyo said.
“You’re one to talk.”
“What do you mean?”
“I- Nevermind.”
“No, tell me,” Jeongyo squeezed his hands for emphasis and Pio wasn’t sure if he knew he was doing it but it made his heart jump. It gave him the courage to ask.
“What would you do if you didn’t think?”
A blush crept up Jeongyo’s neck. “I don’t know.”
“I think you do?”
“If I knew, I would have to think.”
“Then… what would you do if you did think?” Pio asked.
“I- Okay but tell me to back off.”
“No?”
“Not right now.”
“Oh. Okay. Still no?”
“I- Whatever.” When Jeongyo loosened his grip on his hands, Pio stepped closer and tightened his.
“Stay.”
“I- You can’t just say that!”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
Pio chuckled. It was all… kind of ridiculous.
“Why are you laughing! Are you making fun of me now?”
“I- No?”
“Whatever.” Jeongyo attempted to casually roll his eyes but the smile didn’t quite match his actions. The expression looked… cute.
“Do you like me?” Pio asked.
“I told you I did. You’re my friend.”
“I mean… do you like me like Jaein does?”
Jeongyo seemed surprised at that. “You know she likes you?”
Pio shrugged. “I don’t know. I just don’t…”
“Pio, are you… gay?” Jeongyo whispered the last words so silently, one might think he didn’t say anything at all. It was as if he wasn’t sure whether he’d say it outright until the words already left his mouth.
Pio froze.
“I mean- I’m sorry.”
“No- It’s fine…” He reassured him. Was he… gay? That seemed scary. Jeongyo didn’t seem scary though. “I don’t know.”
“I also… don’t.” Jeongyo admitted. “I, eh… don’t think I like you like Jaein does.”
“Oh.”
“You seem… disappointed?”
Now Pio felt a blush creep up his cheeks. He didn’t mean to sound like anything at all. He wasn’t even sure about his feelings until some of them swept through. Feelings out of reach. Maybe if Jeongyo were to reach out, he could grab them for him like he held onto his hands. “I don’t know… I just thought… nevermind.”
“Do you think it’s okay not to know this?” Jeongyo asked.
“I… yeah. It is.”
“Huh. I think I like you… but not like Jaein. I like you like… me,” Jeongyo’s voice cracked slightly on that last syllable. “And I’m also scared.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because you’re scared?”
“’s not your fault though.”
“I think I like you too like me,” Pio blurted out.
The moments made of stained glass were back and maybe this time they were Pio’s favourite colour.
“You played well. The piano I mean.” Jeongyo said and Pio was a little confused about that sudden topic switch.
“I… thank you. You too.”
Jeongyo gave him a faint smile. “We figured that out together, didn’t we?”
“Mhm… what if we…” Pio looked at their hands. “Figured this out together too?”
“I think I’d like that.”
Silence.
“Pio, do you want to know what I’d do if I were to think?”
He nodded, feeling flustered by the way he seemed just a little too eager. “I mean…” He cleared his throat. “Sure. Why not.”
“Aw, come on, you could sound more enthusiastic.”
“Well, I don’t know what you want to do? What if you want to steal my bow tie?”
Jeongyo pretended to think. “Hm. Let me put that on the list so you look less like a professional penguin. Good idea.”
“You-“ When Pio attempted to shove him ever so slightly, Jeongyo grinned and didn’t let go of his hands so they just tumbled backwards a little. One of Pio’s hands was set free in the process and they stumbled until Jeongyo’s back hit a wall and Pio moved his hand behind his head just in time before it hit the wall. He winced.
Jeongyo froze, eyes wide. He let go of Pio’s hand immediately and grabbed his other hand by the wrist, examining it closely in mild panic. “Move your fingers, now make a fist, and-“
“Jeongyo. I’m fine.”
“You need your hands! Wiggle your fingers.”
He complied but thought this to be entirely ridiculous. “There’s no need for this. I said I’m fine.”
“Well don’t blame me for worrying! Future star pianist injured by his friend’s head makes for a terrible headline, especially if I’m said friend.” He shook his wrist and Pio had resigned himself to not fight it, instead just letting his hand hang limp.
“Oh no.” Jeongyo said dramatically.
“What?”
“You got a bad case of noodle wrists!”
“You- Shut up!”
“No no, look! Pio! You might be known as the pasta pianist in the future if you don’t take better care of yourself!” Jeongyo shook his hand again and Pio couldn’t really fight the smile on his face.
“You’re ridiculous.”
Jeongyo grinned. “What, I’m just worried about my friend’s pretty hands.”
“My- huh?” His voice cracked slightly.
Jeongyo seemed to realise what he said. “No, I mean- You need your hands! I think the school would expel me if my head smashed them!”
“That’s a bit too dramatic.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah… probably.”
“See? You’re not even sure yourself.”
“Whatever.”
“You know I’m right.”
Silence.
“Jeongyo? What did you think about?” Pio asked, only then realising how close they were standing. The grasp on his hand tightened.
“I… just tell me if you don’t like this… okay?”
Pio swallowed, throat dry. Then he nodded. He felt like he forgot how to breathe when Jeongyo led his hand closer to his face. They made eye contact and Pio wasn’t quite sure what he himself must have looked like but he could get used to this view.
Jeongyo eyed his hand, almost as if he was unsure. Pio nodded, not sure what he was agreeing to. He just knew he wouldn’t mind. He just knew he wanted this so much so he didn’t think when he nodded.
His breath hitched when soft lips pressed to the back of his hand, even if it was over faster than he would have liked the moment to last and Jeongyo dropped his hand quickly afterwards. He broke the eye contact.
“There. Happy?”
Yes. “Can you… do that again?” Pio asked.
“Wha-“
“I… liked it.” His own face felt as if it was burning when he said it. “I… think I like like you like me, a lot…”
Jeongyo swallowed, throat dry. He hadn’t expected his sudden outburst of emotions to lead here but he wouldn’t want to change it in the slightest.
They liked each other.
It should be a casual fact and maybe it was. Maybe it was still a little scary but this felt like their hours of practice where it was just them and he wasn’t afraid to learn together. He would learn to not be scared of this just like he believed he could learn to stand on a stage on his own, even if the stage seemed so much nicer if it was the two of them.
His thoughts were interrupted when Pio reached for his hand again. At one point he had stopped counting. “Can I…” Pio looked at his hand and Jeongyo was quite thankful humans didn’t have a self destruct mechanism because that would have been really not cute and kind of lethal and he wouldn’t be able to guarantee that his current emotions wouldn’t accidentally trigger just that.
He nodded because he didn’t trust his own voice and Pio led his hand up to his face. His mouth was slightly open, maybe in awe or because he wasn’t sure how to breathe otherwise when Pio pressed Jeongyo’s hand against his cheek. His skin was warm. So… warm.
He wasn’t sure if he was making it up or if it heated up underneath his touch.
Like to his previous example, Pio took his hand to his mouth though his kiss ended up on one of his knuckles. They made eye contact, searching for each other in those moments of stained glass. Jeongyo tried to smile reassuringly and it seemed to work because Pio kissed his hand again, this time to the back of it.
With newfound confidence, a kiss was placed on the knuckle of Jeongyo’s thumb and then his fingers. Afterwards his hand just hovered awkwardly next to Pio’s mouth who didn’t seem quite sure on what to do next. The grip on his hand was loose enough, Jeongyo could slip out of it. Pio watched him with curiosity and his breath hitched when Jeongyo cupped his cheek with said hand simply because he wanted to feel that warmth of home again.
He let his thumb run over his cheek and Pio leaned into it slightly.
“Does that… count as a first kiss?” Pio asked, having moved his hand to rest on Jeongyo’s forearm. The question caught him off guard and he removed his hand from Pio’s face. The other boy seemed to not like that very much though because he quickly reached for it to intertwine their fingers again. It felt like something so… natural. It felt right.
“Whaa-“
“Does it?”
“I… don’t know? Did you never…?” He asked and Pio shrugged.
“Depends?”
“On what?”
“If this counted.”
“I mean before today…”
Pio shook his head. “Never crossed my mind.”
“Huh.”
“Is that weird?”
“Eh, no.” Jeongyo said. Of course it wasn’t.
Maybe he really wanted this to count.
“What about… you?” Pio asked. “Did you ever…?”
“Not- not really.”
“Not really?”
“I lied about it once.”
“Hm? What?” Pio questioned.
“Lied about kissing someone. So the answer is no… but you’re the first one I told.”
“Why would you lie about that?”
“Don’t tell me you’d tell a bunch of highschoolers the truth during truth or dare!”
“I never played truth or dare.”
“Figured.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Jeongyo shrugged. “There's no Pianos in truth or dare. Figured it wasn’t your type of game. Come on. Don’t pout. I’ll play it with you if you ever want to.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
Silence.
“I think we should count this.” Pio said eventually.
“You think?”
“I might… want to?”
“Ohh, you learned and didn’t think!”
Pio huffed. “I’m thinking a lot right now.”
“Well, then only think if it’s good thoughts.” Jeongyo reached out to tap his thumb between Pio’s eyebrows, watching the frown appear.
“What are you… doing?”
“Reading your thoughts to make sure they’re good.”
“I… it doesn’t work like that?”
“I knew you’d say that.”
“No you didn’t.”
“I also knew you’d say that.”
“You did not.”
“I knew.”
“Jeongyo-“
“Are we gonna follow this up with something that definitely counts eventually?” Jeongyo spoke faster than he managed to catch up with his thoughts. Pio didn’t even seem to realise how one of his own fingers had subconsciously gone to his lip.
“I… maybe. I don’t know…?”
Jeongyo backpedalled quickly. “I mean, only if you want to of course! We said we’d count this after all.”
He could see Pio’s Adam’s apple move up and down and somehow it was the most mesmerising sight ever (apart from his hands that was) because his eyes ended up on his jawline afterwards and then his lips-
“I think we should at least repeat it. To make sure it actually counts I mean.” Jeongyo clarified.
“Oh. Yeah. Makes sense,” Pio agreed and somehow him holding out his hand for him to take was something he hadn’t considered because the effect it had on him was… well…
“Your hands are shaking again.” Pio noticed because of course he did.
“Shut up, no they’re not.”
“Okay.”
Silence.
“They’re not shaking if I hold yours.” He mumbled, reaching for both of Pio’s. He gave him a slight smile. “I think I like liking you as me.”
“I… me too.”
Both of them kept their gaze glued to their hands. Neither were really sure where to start. Maybe Jeongyo just wanted to keep holding his hands.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and whoever knocked didn’t seem to wait for an answer instead immediately moving the door handle. In a split second decision, Jeongyo attempted to drop Pio’s hands, flustered while the other boy seemed to realise a second too late, resulting in their jumping apart being just a little awkward.
“Choi Jeongyo, Kang Pio! You really did a great job-“ Mr. Do Hyunsoo paused before he looked at both of them with an analytical gaze that was exactly what both of them had been scared of before he seemed to decide not to question them which Jeongyo would forever be grateful for. “An amazing performance!” He continued and Jeongyo and Pio shared one last knowing glance before just accepting their private moments were over for now.
When more people walked into the room, Jeongyo quickly leaned closer and whispered silently enough nobody would be able to pick it up through the voices of everyone talking over each other.
“You get the second too.” It didn’t make much sense even if someone were to hear but he knew that Pio understood.
His second kiss.
Of course he understood. After all…
…maybe they had just found home.