Chapter Text
The problem with Dracula was that he had spent the last ten years believing that Marc Spector had forgotten about the five dollars.
This was understandable.
Most people did not spend a decade thinking about a five-dollar debt.
Most people also did not know Marc Spector.
Dracula had made the mistake of assuming that Moon Knight was most people.
He was currently standing in the throne room of Castle Dracula, surrounded by several dozen vampires, wearing an expensive black suit and holding a glass of blood-red wine when the enormous wooden doors exploded inward.
Dracula sighed.
“Oh, come on.”
Spider-Man stepped through the smoke.
Behind him came Daredevil.
Then Deadpool.
Then Moon Knight.
All four walked into the castle with the confidence of men who had already decided that everyone inside was about to have a terrible evening.
Deadpool pointed dramatically at Dracula.
“There he is!”
Spider-Man looked around.
“Are we sure?”
“Yes.”
“He's literally the only vampire sitting on a throne.”
“I know. I was building suspense.”
Matt Murdock tilted his head.
“He's breathing.”
Dracula frowned.
“I am a vampire.”
“Exactly,” Matt said. “And yet you're breathing.”
“I can breathe.”
“Interesting.”
Peter looked at Matt.
“Is that relevant?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
Moon Knight walked forward.
Dracula slowly stood.
“Marc.”
“Dracula.”
“I believe we have met before.”
“We have.”
“And I believe there is some disagreement between us.”
“There isn't.”
Dracula raised an eyebrow.
“There isn't?”
“You owe me five dollars.”
Silence.
One of the vampires in the throne room slowly lowered his sword.
Dracula stared at Moon Knight.
Moon Knight stared back.
Finally Dracula sighed.
“That was ten years ago.”
“Yes.”
“You remember that?”
“I remember everything.”
Deadpool raised a hand.
“Actually, that's a little concerning.”
Moon Knight ignored him.
“You borrowed five dollars.”
“I did.”
“You said you would pay me back.”
“I intended to.”
“You didn't.”
“It was five dollars.”
“It was my five dollars.”
Dracula gestured around his enormous castle.
“Marc, I have accumulated wealth beyond your comprehension.”
“Then give me five dollars.”
Dracula blinked.
Peter raised a hand.
“Actually, yeah. This could probably be solved pretty easily.”
Moon Knight nodded.
“Correct.”
Dracula reached into his jacket.
Everyone tensed.
He pulled out a wallet.
He opened it.
He looked inside.
Then he closed it.
“I don't have cash.”
Moon Knight stared at him.
“You have a wallet.”
“I have cards.”
“Give me five dollars.”
“I don't carry cash.”
Deadpool slowly pulled two crumpled dollar bills from somewhere inside his costume.
“I have two dollars.”
Peter looked at him.
“Why?”
“I don't know.”
Matt sighed.
“Can we please just get the five dollars and leave?”
Dracula smiled.
“Of course.”
He reached for his desk.
Moon Knight watched him.
Dracula pulled out a checkbook.
“I shall write you a check.”
Moon Knight's eyes narrowed.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because you're Dracula.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“You're not getting away with a check.”
Dracula looked genuinely offended.
“I am an ancient lord of the undead.”
“You're also a deadbeat.”
Deadpool gasped.
“Ohhh.”
Peter winced.
“Marc.”
“What?”
“That was brutal.”
Dracula's eyes began glowing red.
“I have ruled the night for centuries.”
Moon Knight cracked his knuckles.
“And you couldn't pay five dollars.”
The vampires surrounding them suddenly drew their weapons.
Matt immediately raised his billy club.
Peter's hands shot forward.
“Guys, guys, let's not—”
The first vampire lunged.
Peter webbed him to the ceiling.
“—do that.”
The second charged Daredevil.
Matt ducked, spun, and knocked him across the room.
Deadpool pulled two swords.
“Finally!”
Peter looked at him.
“Wade, don't kill anybody.”
“I wasn't planning to.”
“You're smiling.”
“I smile when I'm happy.”
“You're always happy when you're stabbing people.”
“That's unfair.”
Another vampire attacked.
Deadpool stabbed him.
“Okay, that's fair.”
Within thirty seconds, the throne room had become absolute chaos.
Peter bounced from wall to wall, webbing vampires together in groups of three.
Daredevil moved through the darkness like a ghost, his billy clubs cracking against weapons, wrists, knees, and occasionally furniture.
Deadpool had somehow acquired a vampire's cape and was wearing it while fighting.
Moon Knight ignored everyone except Dracula.
Dracula hurled a massive stone chair.
Moon Knight caught it.
“Five dollars.”
He threw it back.
Dracula flew backward through his throne.
Peter stopped mid-swing.
“Was that necessary?”
Moon Knight looked at him.
“Yes.”
Dracula emerged from the wreckage.
“You dare attack me over five dollars?”
“Yes.”
“I am Dracula!”
“Five dollars.”
“I am immortal!”
“Five dollars.”
“I command armies!”
“Five dollars.”
“I have conquered nations!”
“Five dollars.”
Dracula snarled.
“I will destroy you!”
Moon Knight raised his fists.
“Then we're negotiating.”
Dracula transformed.
His body expanded.
His suit ripped apart as black wings erupted from his back. His fingers lengthened into claws. His eyes burned crimson.
The vampires around the room cheered.
Dracula roared.
Peter looked at Matt.
“That's bad, right?”
Matt listened.
“No.”
“Really?”
“He's angry.”
“So?”
“He's also terrified.”
Peter smiled.
“Oh.”
Dracula lunged.
Peter caught him with a web and yanked him sideways.
Moon Knight hit him.
Daredevil hit him.
Deadpool hit him.
Dracula slammed into the floor.
There was a pause.
Deadpool looked at the others.
“Team Red plus one?”
Peter nodded.
“Team Red plus Moon Knight.”
Moon Knight punched Dracula again.
“Team Red plus Moon Knight.”
Dracula desperately crawled toward the exit.
Peter webbed his ankle.
“Nope.”
Dracula turned.
“Please.”
Everyone stopped.
Dracula stared at them.
“I will pay.”
Moon Knight lowered his fist.
“Five dollars?”
“Yes.”
“Right now?”
“Yes.”
“Cash?”
“Yes.”
Dracula slowly reached into a hidden compartment beneath his ruined desk.
He pulled out a small leather pouch.
He opened it.
Gold coins spilled across the floor.
Moon Knight stared.
Dracula reached deeper.
Finally, he produced a crisp five-dollar bill.
Moon Knight took it.
He looked at the bill.
Then at Dracula.
“Interest.”
Dracula's expression collapsed.
“Interest?”
“Ten years.”
“For five dollars?”
“Inflation.”
Peter covered his face.
“Marc.”
“What?”
“You can't charge Dracula interest.”
“Why not?”
“Because that's insane.”
Deadpool raised a finger.
“Actually, I think we should calculate compound interest.”
Matt sighed.
“Don't encourage him.”
Dracula slowly reached for another wallet.
“How much?”
Moon Knight thought about it.
“Seven dollars and fifty cents.”
Dracula stared.
“Seven—”
“Fine. Five dollars.”
Dracula immediately handed over another five.
Moon Knight pocketed it.
“Pleasure doing business.”
Dracula looked at the four men standing in his ruined throne room.
“You attacked an ancient vampire lord, destroyed my castle, defeated my entire guard, and demanded ten dollars.”
“Yes,” Moon Knight said.
“Why?”
Moon Knight shrugged.
“You owed me five.”
Deadpool nodded solemnly.
“Debt is serious.”
Daredevil sighed.
“Please stop talking.”
Peter waved awkwardly at Dracula.
“Sorry about the castle.”
Dracula glared.
Peter paused.
“Actually, no. You did send thirty vampires at us.”
“That is true.”
“And you tried to eat Wade.”
Deadpool raised his hand.
“Still haven't forgiven him for that.”
Dracula looked exhausted.
“Will you leave now?”
Moon Knight nodded.
“Absolutely.”
The four turned toward the doors.
They made it three steps.
Moon Knight stopped.
Everyone groaned.
“What?”
He turned around.
“Dracula.”
“What?”
“You owe me twenty dollars.”
Dracula's face went pale.
“For what?”
“You scratched my cape.”
Deadpool immediately turned around.
“Oh, this is going to be good.”
Dracula looked at Moon Knight.
Moon Knight looked at Dracula.
Peter whispered to Matt.
“Do you think we should stop him?”
Matt listened to Dracula's heartbeat.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because Dracula just decided to pay.”
There was a long silence.
Then Dracula slowly reached for his wallet.
“Twenty dollars?”
Moon Knight nodded.
“Twenty dollars.”
Dracula handed it over.
Moon Knight smiled.
“Pleasure doing business.”
Deadpool threw an arm around Peter's shoulders.
“See? Crime really does pay.”
Matt shook his head.
“That's not what happened.”
Peter looked at the pile of money in Moon Knight's hand.
“Technically, it did.”
And somewhere deep within Castle Dracula, an ancient vampire quietly made a note:
**Never borrow money from Moon Knight.**
Especially not five dollars.
Especially not for ten years.