Work Text:
For weeks Mike had felt like trash. His first year of college had just ended. Summer break was finally here. He knew he should be going outside and seeing his friends. He knew he should be going swimming in the lake and riding his bike. He knew he should be visiting home and going to the beach. He was supposed to be doing normal summer things. But it had already been three weeks since summer break had started and all Mike had done was turn his bed into his home. There were used tissues, dirty clothes, food wrappers, plastic water bottles, and random pieces of trash scattered on the floor and the foot of Mike's bed. His curtains were completely covering the windows, not allowing any light to come in. He never had his lights turned on, he never went to his desk to write or play games on his computer anymore, he never picked up a comic book to read. All he did was sleep. It was like he was incapable of doing anything else. His body was exhausted and his mind had been off for weeks. He couldn't get himself to do anything at all and it was driving him insane. But he couldn't do anything about it.
Will had been messaging him and calling him every day. This was a regular thing the two of them had started once they finally started dating and began going to college. Will had gone to NYC for school while Mike had stayed in Indiana. He wanted more than anything to go to the same school as Will, to see each other all the time, to maybe even live together. But Mike's parents had made him stay here, demanding that he complete two years of community college close to home before attending a university. In other words, his mom wanted to be within an hour or less of driving distance away from Mike for at least the next two years after all that they had been through. She didn't like the idea of Mike being in another state right after all the trauma they had all been through. With defeating Vecna, fighting demogorgans, losing El, almost dying several times—Mike hadn't known how to process all of that. He found himself feeling anxious constantly, being overly alert of his surroundings, covering his ears when there were loud sounds, even if it was just the tv. Mike was always making sure no one was sneaking up behind him and that he was never being followed or spied on. Even though he knew all that was over, he could never shake away that terrifying, unsettling feeling that this wasn't over yet.
On Saturday morning, Mike didn't feel any different. He woke up to find his blankets and pillows on the floor; he must've had a rough nights sleep. Not that he remembered. He hadn't been good at remembering stuff lately either on top of everything. He grunted and attempted to reach for the blankets and pillows, but he was so tired, sore, and weak that he couldn't reach his arm that far.
"Shit," Mike whispered, trying all he could to extend his fingers close enough to at least one of the blankets. He was freezing; shivers going up and down his spine repeatedly. He was wearing one of his old Hellfire t-shirts, which was now way too big for him. He was wearing a pair of pajama pants that kept falling down his waist. He didn't have any clothes that properly fit him anymore. Everything he owned was too big for him.
After several minutes, Mike grabbed one of the blankets and wrapped it around himself. His eyes were heavy and nothing in him wanted to get up right now, so he stayed wrapped up in his blanket cocoon.
The next time Mike opened his eyes, there was light flooding in his room. He turned his head, hair falling in his face as he turned, and noticed his door was cracked open. Mike never left his door open anymore. He didn't understand why or how the door was open and he wanted to scream. The light coming from the hallway was too overstimulating. It was shining in his room, on his bed, towards his face. The light felt like an attack. Mike shielded his eyes with the blanket and felt his chest become heavy and his breathing become unsteady.
Great, he was having a panic attack over something stupid.
"Mike?" a familiar voice called from outside of his room. Mike couldn't leave his blanket cocoon or reveal himself to the person who was out there. He just needed to sleep and everything would be fine. As long as he slept nothing could hurt him or impact him. The voice would go away, the light would go away, everything would go away. So he tucked his head further in the blanket and closed his eyes.
But then he heard footsteps coming down the hall and into his room.
Hadn't he just imagined someone being there?
"Mike?" the voice asked again, and this time Mike knew why the voice sounded so familiar. "Mike, I'm here."
"W-Will?" Mike practically choked out. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted Will to go away. He wanted to hug Will and never let him go. He wanted to kick him out of his room so Will wouldn't have to see him like this. He wanted to beg Will to stay with him forever.
"Yeah, Mike, it's me," Will replied softly.
"W-what are you...?" Mike poked his head out from under the blanket so he could see Will. The light that was peeping in from his bedroom door was shining right on Will. He was practically glowing. Will looked beautiful and it made Mike's stomach hurt. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in New York City."
Will looked at Mike with a sad smile and said, "I've been worried about you so I came over."
"I didn't ask you to do that."
"You didn't have to."
"But what...What did I do?" Mike felt tears in his eyes and hid underneath the blanket again.
"Mike, I haven't heard from you in weeks. Of course I got really worried about you. I asked Max, Lucas, and Dustin if any of them had heard from you and they hadn't. I needed to check on you. I understood immediately what was going on when I entered your apartment. While you slept, I cleaned the kitchen, living room, and the bathroom." Mike inhaled deeply. "Not to overwhelm you, but to make things feel calmer for you. I know that sometimes having a cleaner atmosphere can lift our moods but I also know that in times like these, it's hard to keep things clean." Will fiddled with his hands as he spoke, and Mike felt the panic attack coming on again.
His chest was heavier, breathing felt almost impossible, and he thought he might explode. How could he have done this to Will? How could he have made Will so worried that he traveled all the way here? How did he let his apartment get so messy? He didn't deserve Will. He really, really didn't. No one else would ever do this for Mike, so why did Will? Why did he care so much?
"Hey," Will whispered. "You're okay. You're safe. I'm here. Just breathe with me, okay?" Mike had thrown the blanket off of him, feeling as though he would have suffocated if he kept the blanket on him for a second longer. He looked up at Will, his breathing uneven, and saw the hope in Will's eyes. "You're okay. You're safe. I'm here," Will repeated over and over again as Mike tried to control his breathing. If he focused on Will's words then he would be okay, right? If he focused on Will then everything would be normal again.
"You're not alone, okay? You don't have to be in this alone, Mike. It's okay to need someone during difficult times. It's okay to reach out and just simply say you're not feeling okay. You can always talk to me. I'm here for you, okay? I'm here." Will repeated the phrase because that's what Mike always did. "You don't have to go into detail or tell me what's going on, but please don't isolate yourself. I want to be here for you and I want to do all that I can to make things easier and calmer for you. You're safe with me, babe, I promise."
After a few minutes of silence, Mike was able to breathe normally again. Will was still there. Will hadn't left Mike. He didn't go away. He didn't judge Mike or make him feel worse. Of course he wouldn't, he's Will Byers. God, Mike really didn't deserve this amazing, beautiful person.
"I brought some of your comfort foods and warmed up some tea," Will said quietly. "You don't have to have anything now, but I want you to know everything is in the kitchen if you are interested. It is just right outside your door, but I can of course bring it all to you if that's easier."
"Th-Thank y-you," Mike said, his voice breaking again. He was on the verge of tears but didn't understand why. He should be happy that Will was here and that he spent all this time and energy getting Mike things and even coming over in the first place. "C-Can you come closer?"
"Of course I can. How close?" Mike slowly pulled his hand out from beneath him, and even though he felt weak, he was able to reach for Will's hand.
"I just...I need to know you're here," Mike responded, placing his hand on top of Will's. "I'm sorry I scared you. I...I don't know what's wrong with m-me. I just..I don't want to be alone but I...I don't know how to t-talk about...stuff right now."
"No, no no," Will whispered, moving closer to Mike. "There's nothing wrong with you, okay? You don't have to say anything. It's okay and you will be okay. You're safe, you're home, I'm here, nothing is going to happen to you right now. You are so strong and I know that you can get through whatever this is. It might take time, but that's okay. I'm not leaving you and I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Will gently gripped onto Mike's hand and looked at him, asking if that was okay. Mike nodded and Will continued to intertwine their fingers together.
"I...I saw the razor blades on the bathroom counter." Mike closed his eyes, wanting to avoid whatever Will was going to say next. Shit, he should not have left those there. He had been listening to a niche Twenty One Pilots song that was never officially released titled "Time To Say Goodbye." Mike had this song on repeat over and over again for a number of days, paying close attention to the lyrics in the first portion of the track and feeling impulsive all at once.
You split
And take in every time you see
A faking counterfeit
In the mirror you appear
To see fear
And whisper this is it
In the mirror you appear
To see nothing else
But yourself as a face
A hollowed out space
Leave me with the razor
And just in case
I fall face down on the ground
And somehow I found
Enough strength to lift my face
And make a sound
And muffled though it may be
And crazy it seems
I never felt closer to you
Just crying as you torture me
There was something about these lyrics that stabbed Mike in the heart but also made a lot of sense to him. He eventually memorized all the lines and would consistently go through them in his head, having an understanding of what they meant. But what he never understood is why he felt that way, why he related to the lyrics so much, why they were a source of comfort more than they were a source of pain. There was one day where he hyperfixated on the line with the razor. He regretted what he had done that day, but he hadn't been able to stop.
Mike hated that Will knew the damage he had done.
"Shh, shh. Honey, it's okay," Will said in a gentle tone. That's when Mike realized he had let go of Will's hand and had wrapped his arms around himself. "I put them in a different place so that you're not tempted, okay? I'm not saying you did anything wrong, because you didn't. I just want to help you and protect you." Mike couldn't look Will in the eyes right now. Will must be so disappointed in him.
"I...I'm sorry, Will," Mike blurted, feeling his eyes tearing up again.
"Shh, baby, it's okay," Will said calmly. "You don't have to look, but can I?" Mike knew he had to be referring to the cuts on his arms, so he rolled up his sleeves to show Will. Mike kept his eyes shut so that he didn't have to see the disappointment in Will's face. Tears were escaping from Mike's eyes, but he didn't have the energy anymore to wipe them away.
"Shh, hon," Will whispered. "You're okay. I'm not upset, I'm not mad, and I'm not disappointed. I'm here to help, okay? Would it be okay with you if I cleaned these up and gave you some bandaids? I have Snoopy bandaids in my bag, but I have a feeling you might want the Marvel ones, yeah? I have Wolverine." Mike kept his eyes shut but nodded in agreement. He felt Will slowly lift himself off of Mike's bed and that made Mike panic.
"No, don't leave me, Will!" Mike yelped, reaching out for Will's arm.
"I promise you that it will take me at most ten seconds to grab the bandaids, okay? I'm not leaving you. I would never, ever do that, okay? I will be right back, my love." Will released himself from Mike's hand and quickly left the room. Mike counted the seconds Will was gone and he had only reached seven when Will entered the room again.
"It was a seven," Mike whispered, looking up at Will. He cocked his head to the side, then lightly laughed once things clicked.
"But the demogorgan didn't get you," Will replied, winking at Mike. He had a few bandaids in his hands and each of them had Wolverine on them. This made Mike smile a little, which melted Will's heart. "There's that smile." Will crouched on the ground in front of Mike and searched his eyes before speaking again. "While I do this, would you like to hold something for comfort?" Mike nodded and Will reached inside his bag to retrieve a much smaller bag. Will opened the bag and showed the insides to Mike; there was a fidget spinner, a Needoh, a mini slinky, a dragon squishy, and a fidget ring. "I don't want to overstimulate you, and I know sometimes textures and the weight of things can be too much. If you want any of these, you absolutely can, but if not, I can find you something else."
God, Mike didn't understand what he did to deserve Will. How could he have been so lucky to end up with the most understanding, kindest, greatest person in this world? Will knew Mike better than anyone and was truly the only person Mike felt 100% comfortable around no matter what condition he was in. He could never understand how or why Will had put up with him for this long.
Mike reached for the dragon squishy, but didn't find the texture pleasant for right now. So instead he grabbed the Needoh and quite liked how it felt in the palm of his hand. Will started with Mike's right arm and Mike focused on the Needoh in his left hand. He squeezed it with all of his might and tried his hardest to focus on the pleasant sensation of it rather than the burning pain on his arms. Will shifted to Mike's other arm and Mike did the same thing with the Needoh in his right hand. He squeezed and poked and pressed and pulled. Everything he could do in his power to release some of his unwanted energy and internal pain.
"You okay, baby?" Will asked once he finished curing Mike.
"I...I th-think so, maybe a little," Mike quietly replied, looking into Will's eyes. "Can you c-come back up here?"
"Of course." Will grabbed the blanket Mike had thrown off of himself earlier and climbed into the bed with him, keeping their distance.
"Can I lay next to you or do you want to stay like this?"
"Closer please," is all Mike could get out. Will nodded and gently laid beside Mike; Will on top of the blanket and Mike underneath the blanket. "Can you...Be closer?' Will gave Mike a small smile and adjusted himself so that they were both underneath the blanket. Mike shifted himself so that his face was buried in Will's chest and his shaking hands rested on Will's shoulders.
"Are you okay with physical touch right now or do you just want me to be here?"
"B-Both please." Will chuckled and wrapped his arms around Mike. He drew hearts and stars on Mike's back, something that Mike had always done for him when they were younger. He kissed the top of Mike's head and gently rested his chin there.
"I love you," Will whispered, gently holding Mike tighter. "I love you so much and that will never change no matter what. We are going to get through this together." Mike wanted to cry and kiss Will until he couldn't breathe anymore. But all he could do was reply.
"I love you, too." They kept holding on to each other until Mike fell asleep, but even then, Will stayed and held him. He needed to make sure Mike didn't hurt himself, that he was sleeping okay, and that he was eating. Right now, Will at least knew the first two things were successful. He would focus on the eating when the time came for it.