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The walls around her shook.
Flicks flew haywire in the room, up to the loft, to the ceiling, around the burning fireplace, between lanterns, crowing horrible as AJ stewed, muttering under her breath.
The floor beneath her seemed unsteady to stand on — as the Death Mage took a step anywhere, she felt, for just a moment, the worry of it falling through, falling under her weight, and taking her with it.
But the Mage didn't care. AJ stepped all around her dorm, trying to walk the anger off, trying to ignore the pounding of her walls and the shaking of her floor. Even the lanterns, which glowed dimly in ager, were swinging like a pendulum, in sync with the fire bursting from the stone fireplace.
Who do you think you are Drift, huh?
You think you can tell everyone my fucking secrets? Get an ounce of my trust again, and pull this shit?
No fucking way.
AJ didn't know if she was whispering or lamenting inside her own head. The words seemed all too loud and overwhelming, causing her chest to rumble and her mind to go blank.
She wanted nothing more than to find Drift. To yell at that dumb Mage, to grab her throat in her own hands, and squeeze.
I wish I succeeded.
I wish she really had suffocated under my spell.
There was an uneasy feeling of disgust as she thought it. As AJ poured over every conversation she had with Drift, everything she had trusted her with. What else has she told Osteon? Megii?
A part of the Mage wished she never found out that Drift had told on her.
It wasn't her business to tell.
Fuck! FUCK!
Unable to keep walking, her vision becoming all too blurred and wonky, AJ took a step to a bar stool, placing her hands on it and breathing heavily.
Don't go to her now.
You'll do somegthing you'll regret.
She had to hold herself back. Keep her body acutely aware and situated in her dorm, to not keep from going down and confronting Drift about this.
The last thing they needed was AJ screaming at her in front of the rest of the Academy.
And, unfortunately, that’s exactly what would happen if she went to fetch her.
Breathe. Just fucking breathe, AJ.
The flying Flicks did not make it easier to calm down.
Her efforts only worsened when she heard the door open.
“Hey. Did you get the same letter from Osteon?”
Fucking hell.
Are you trying to get yourself killed, Open Book?
AJ stayed in the same position, the walls rumbling harder now. It was hard to think as Drift spoke to her.
“I mean, we just finished the tunnel, now we have to decorate it? So soon? Plus, we need to collect…” She stopped, and AJ straightened, still facing away from the Mage, not wanting to look at her. “AJ? You okay?”
You okay? You okay after I just told Osteon the one thing I asked you not to?
Slowly, AJ turned around. Her face was entirely slack, devoid of any emotion.
Drift stood by the stairs. Her hair was up in a bun today, and AJ noticed a bit of extra mascara on her. Her eyes shined in worry as she took a step closer to AJ.
If it were any other day, AJ would say she looked pretty. She’d complement her hair, outfit, maybe even flirt a bit.
Sensing something was wrong, Drift opened her mouth to speak.
AJ beat her to it. “Where do you get off?”
Her voice cut through the tense air, pausing the Flick’s flight, and making them finally settle to watch the exchange. She could see Drift’s eyes change, her eyebrows blur in confusion at why AJ sounded so mad at her. “What?”
"Where do you fucking get off, Drift?” AJ hissed at the girl, feeling her chest rise. “Tell me, because I really need to fucking know."
The angry girl paused to let Drift answer, but she just looked even more confused. Her body language quickly became defensive, back straightening, and chin raising. Still, she glanced between AJ and the Flicks, not knowing what to say. "I don't—"
AJ’s mouth moved before her mind did. "You tell me you hate me, that you want nothing to do with me again, and then you—" She stopped herself suddenly, glaring horribly at the Mage in front of her, ready to pounce and attack.
Drift took another step forward, her eyes softening as she looked at AJ. "AJ. What's happened?"
The Death Mage scoffed in disbelief, the edges of her mouth beginning to smile in frustration.
"Don't act like you fucking care.” AJ shook her head solemnly, before laughing maniacally. “God! I should've known. I should've goddamn known you'd pull something like this."
The Earth Mage seemed to be getting agitated, now only a couple of steps away from AJ, whose eyes looked entirely wild. "Pull what? Do what?"
"Don't act like you don't know, Drift. Don't act like you're innocent. I mean, how was that your right? How did you have any right to tell him about my memory?"
A wash of realisation came over Drift’s face, and AJ watched as her gaze fell to the floor, an apologetic look coming over her. "Tell… oh."
AJ laughed. It was almost funny, how Drift looked at her like she never expected AJ to find out! Like this was a surprise. "Yeah, oh, Drift.” She started, firing up suddenly. “I trusted you. I fucking trusted you, and opened up to you, because you said you cared. Even if you hated me, you cared, and now I can't even bear to fucking look at you."
"AJ, let me—" Drift tried to interrupt, her eyes turning desperate.
"No, you don't get to explain.” She pointed at her. “Because I explained. I explained so much to you, and you still ratted me out. I trusted you, and you fucking know that doesn't come easy to me. I trusted you, Drift, and the first thing you went and did was tell Osteon. Osteon, the one person I told you I didn't want to know! Where do you get off, Drift?"
Tears collected in the ends of Drift’s eyes, her eyes shining in the dim light as she waved her hands around. Even her voice had picked up an octave, sounding close to sobbing. "You think I wanted to tell him? I didn't! He already knew, and—"
"That doesn't matter, though, does it?”AJ cried at her, the Flicks beginning fly again. “You still went to him. You still told him about my private—"
The Earth Mage’s face scrunched up. "I had to! I had to, AJ, because you weren't going to tell him." At the end, her voice cracked. AJ would have felt bad, once upon a time.
"And how is that your business, Drift? How?" The question is escaped out of her so quick that AJ hardly noticed her eyes begin to tear up as well, her nose sniffling.
"Because I don't want this happening to you, AJ!" Drift yelled at her. With each exchange, the yells and cries became messier. Their voices became louder, the truth illuminated.
"Me either!" AJ shouted back, wanting nothing more than to curl up and cry.
"Then why are you mad at me!" Drift cried out at her, sounding an inch away from actually crying.
"Because I trusted you, Drift! I thought you were safe." Her own voice broke at the last word. She thought she had someone, even if they had… broken up. If everything was over, AJ thought she could still trust Drift, even the tiniest bit.
Not anymore.
"I am." Drift insisted, her hand reaching to clutch AJ’s. The Death Mage just flinched away. “Please, AJ, I am.”
"No. Not if you're going to go tell Osteon every single thought, every mistake, every move I make—“
"I'm not going to do that, AJ!"
"Then why did you, Drift? Why?”
"I told you.” Her eyes looked like they were begging AJ to listen. “It was to help you, I…"
She shook her head. "It's not your job to help me anymore. We're nothing, Drift. We're not friends, we're not girlfriends, we're not even fucking exes. Before, and certainly after this."
"Don't say that." Her voice sounded broken. AJ felt a wave of Déjà vu, but she tried to suppress it.
How had they gotten in the same position twice?
"How can I not? What, you think we're just going to be fine? That I’d hear about this and go oh, great, my fake girlfriend is telling my boss about my mental health? Yay?” It was AJ’s turn to look at her in desperation, just to be understood “Fuck no. If you thought I’d ever be happy about this, then clearly you never knew me to begin with.”
“No, AJ! I do know you, that’s why I said something! Because you needed help, and I know you! Because I don’t want you to forget about me!” Tears ran down the girl’s face, her hair growing more wild as the Flicks flew around her, angry.
I don’t want to forget you either.
But maybe I should.
“Whether or not I get help isn’t your business, Drift. It never was. Don’t delude yourself into thinking you have some responsibility over me, just because I was enough of an idiot to trust you once.” The words tasted disgusting in her mouth, like spitting your own poison in someone’s face.
“It wasn’t just once.” Drift reminded her softly, sniffling.
“Yeah, and I regret it everyday.”
“How could you say that?”
AJ ran her fingers through her hair, laughing in disbelief, again. “How could I not? I wonder, who else have you told, Drift? Megii? Shelby? Scott? The entire fucking Academy?”
Somehow, AJ had started walking closer to Drift. She took a couple steps to her, until their noses were touching, prompting Drift to take a step back. Then, AJ to step forward, and Drift to step back again, until they had made it halfway to the door.
“Don’t accuse me of that. I’d never fucking do that.” Rather than just looking pathetic, Drift seemed to get mad. She glared back at her, before realising AJ wasn’t kidding, and letting herself cry more.
“You know there’s no way I can believe you, right?”
They were almost at the door now, Flicks flying behind AJ in a deathly swarm.
“But there is. There is, AJ, please, trust me!” She begged her, glancing to the nearing exit, and putting her hands on AJ’s cheeks. The Death Mage pushed her off immediately. “I swear. I’m an Open Book. Your Open Book.”
AJ’s heart hurt, but she didn’t let that stop her.
“Well, guess fucking what, Drift? I’m not reading anymore.” She hissed at the girl, glaring up with all her might, a little, sad, proud smirk on her lips. “And I think it’s time you leave.”
Drift was backed against the door, AJ in front of her, trapping her.
"No. I'm not leaving, AJ. Not again." She sobbed at her.
"Why not?" The Death Mage asked, confused and annoyed.
She wasn’t exactly prepared for the answer, in the slightest.
"Because I still love you, AJ!"
The confession was loud and pathetic, the sound echoing in her dorm. AJ bit her lip and shook her head, a palm wiping a stray tear on her cheek which she didn’t realise had come out.
This had to end.
The Mage’s hand went past Drift, to the door handle, and pulled it open. About four Flicks flew at the Earth Mage, making her stumble out the door, still crying.
"Then do us both a favour, Drift, and stop."