Work Text:
Best Team in the NHL 🐻
2014
You have been added to “Best Team in the NHL 🐻”
Marleau
Hi rook
Carmichael
👋🏻👋🏻
Rozanov
Give him warm welcome guys
Connors
Welcome rook!
Ehlers
Thanks for adding me
Hammersmith
Every player gets added
But not everyone is active
Rozanov
Someone copy paste the house rules I deleted notes app
Connors
Ofc you did 🙄
Ehlers
What house rules? Coach already told me everything about the rink and stuff
Dubek
No it’s like a little bit of everything
Connors where’s the list??
Connors
Bruh do I look like I keep lists
Rozanov
Somebody find the list and send it in here
Marleau
Lmao Roz chill out we can just tell him roughly 😂
Rozanov
I was forced to make list so now we use it
Where is it
Sebbin
I have it somewhere
Aud
This is the first time I’m hearing of a list
Carmichael
Nobody forced you Roz don’t lie 😂
@Aud That was while you were out with a concussion
Connors
Yeah Roz don’t lie you sent that one completely unprovoked
Rozanov
You know nothing
Life is very dangerous for people like me
I have someone hold much power over me
They have very convincing arguments
Marleau
“They hold much power over me” and it’s just hookups withholding sex if you tell them too much tmi about how chaotic you are
Hammersmith
“Life is very dangerous” Roz you won’t die from not getting laid for 5 days
Carmichael
“Convincing arguments” you mean double Ds, a jiggly ass and possibly some freckles
Rozanov
I hate you all
Is very difficult for me in here, rook
I hope you become my new favorite
Spot is open right now
Marleau
Fuck you Roz 🤣🖕🏻
Rozanov
Yes I would have had to fuck myself if I didn’t create list that night so where is it
I worked hard for great reward
Send
Ehlers
xDD
Sebbin
Found it!
- Keep locker room clean
- Don’t piss in team shower
- Don’t hook up in locker room (😔)
- Don’t eat beans before game (@Dubek)
- Label your food in the fridge or it’s free for all
- All vodka in locker room fridge has to be pre-approved by Roz
- Don’t bring ferret to locker room
- Don’t bring chicken to locker room
- Call teammate if you are too drunk to go home alone
- No alcohol before game
- Win Stanley Cup
Dubek
I forgot how dumb this list is
Sebbin
If you kept your flatulencies in check we could remove that point but do you ever learn? No.
Ehlers
Who tried to hook up in the locker room?? O.o
Marleau
Do you even have to ask 😂
Hammersmith
When in doubt it’s Roz
Connors
I’d probably be faster to figure out where Roz DIDN’T hook up yet
I’m never lending you my car ever again
Rozanov
It was emergency Connors I would never willingly borrow your boring car again
And I did not TRY to hook up in locker room, I was very successfully hooking up in locker room
Rook if you need tips come to me
Sebbin
Ehlers please do not go to him he’s a bad influence 🙏🏾
Rozanov
Most important point is the one about food, write your name on
Is for keeping peace in the team
Ehlers
Okay got it :F
*:D
Carmichael
Ehlers genuine question why do you keep typing emojis like that
It’s unsettling
Ehlers
Why? They’re cute ^^
I also have this one ᕕ( ⁰ ▽ ⁰ )ᕗ
Connors
I think this is some generational thing we’re too old to understand
Aud
How do you even get those symbols 🤣
Ehlers
Skills :P
Carmichael
Roz can we add to the list to only use good civilized emojis
Aud
Seconding this
Dubek
Thirding this
Roz?
Marleau
Hello??
Rozanov
Sorry was busy bleaching my eyes
Request granted
Sebbin
Added
Ehlers
:’(
Rozanov
Rule effective immediately
Ehlers
😢
Carmicheal
I feel so much better already
Hammersmith
He’s learning fast 👏🏻
Marleau
Anyways welcome to the team, rook!
Connors
Yeah welcome! Talk to us if you need anything, we all know what it’s like to play your first season far away from home
Well except for Hammy but you can come to rest of us
Hammersmith
That makes me sound like an asshole 🙄
I’m just born and raised in Boston
Ehlers
Thanks guys I’m super happy to be here *-*
*🤩
Connors
🤣🤣
You should practice saying things only in emojis from now on to get used to it
Consider it us hazing you because there’s not gonna be much more than that
Ehlers
:(( 👌🏻
Rozanov
Okay kids entertain the baby I have important call
Marleau
Okay Roz have a good phone sex
Carmichael
Have fun!
Ehlers
🍆💦❓😭
Connors
Yesss he’s getting the hang of it 🤣🤣
Marleau
You’ll get used it it rook 😂
Rozzless Chat 🐻
You have been added to “Rozzless Chat 🐻”
Marleau
The house rules are more like guidelines, don’t sweat breaking them
Ehlers
[This message has been deleted]
I don’t think I will ever have a reason to bring a ferret to the locker room 😂
Connors
Did you delete to correct the emoji 😂
Ehlers
Maybe 😂😂
Marleau
Here are some additional rules, but these are actually important. Like extremely detrimental to our survival during practice
- Don’t ask Roz about Russia
- Don’t ask Roz about his family
- Don't ask Roz about Jane or bring her up anywhere within earshot
- Don’t ask Roz what he’s doing during the summer
- If you see Roz doing something in a club that makes you go 🤨, then no, you didn’t see anything
Ehlers
Okay… sounds simple enough to follow
But I’m curious now
Sebbin
These rules are not to be taken lightly
Roz gets super cagey about all these topics so it’s better not to bring them up around him
But we can gossip in here, just keep it at a reasonable level
Dubek
Yeah just to give you a quick rundown:
1, 2 and 4 are just Roz being weird around Russia. You’ll notice soon enough
3 is his only long time regular hookup, he texts her all the time but never talks about her at all
Hammersmith
3 is probably also who he’s calling with rn
Connors
But seriously, keep this to yourself!
Ehlers
🫡 🫡
Rozzless Chat 🐻
Today at 00:41
Dubek
Yo where is everybody?? Did you move on to the next spot without me??
Carmichael
Sorry we thought you went home
We’re at Club 59 now
Dubek
Where tf is this??
Carmichael
Idk I followed everybody else
Everyone’s on the dance floor rn
Dubek
Fuck this I’m going home
God forbid a guy takes a dump at the club, gets abandoned immediately
Carmichael
You were gone for 45 minutes that’s your fault
Connors
Get your IBS under control man!!
Dubek
🖕🏻 🖕🏻
Ehlers
Uhh guys?
Connors
Yes?
Dubek
Yes?
Carmichael
Yes?
Ehlers
You said I could come to you if I had any questions
Connors
Yes but maybe not in the club?
Or do you need help picking up girls
Ehlers
🙄
I just saw something that made me go 🤨 and I’m not sure if it’s what you meant by point 5 of the additional rules
Carmichael
Oh boy
Dubek
It was only a matter of time…
Connors
It might still be something different
Describe what you saw
Ehlers
I was getting a drink at the bar and saw the captain
Idk how to say this
🧍🏼♂️👀🫦🧍🏼♂️ 👬➡️🚾 ⁉️ 🤨🤨
Do you know what I mean?
Connors
If by that you mean you saw Roz seducing a man and taking him to the bathroom to suck him off and/or have hot secret bathroom sex then no you saw nothing and yes this is rule 5
Who’s taking this shift?
Carmichael
I think Sebbin saw too, he’s already gone off to guard the door
I’ll go too, I need a break from drinking
Connors
Thank you for your sacrifice
Carmichael
The things I do for our captain 🫡
Dubek
Rook the protocol for this is guard the door and make sure nobody sees anything including Roz himself
Dude thinks he’s sneaky
Btw if you have a problem with any of this istg you better keep your mouth shut and look the other way
Connors
I got the rookie, taking care of him rn
Carmichael
Don’t beat him up??
Connors
Jeez I’m not, just making sure he keeps his mouth shut
Carmichael
👍🏻
Dubek
👍🏻
Today at 11:36
Carmichael
Rook, how much do you remember from last night?
Ehlers
Most of it I think
Mostly Connors telling me over and over to not say a word while keeping intense eye contact
I had to swear under oath
Just to be clear I swore multiple times
Aud
Good, thanks rook
Marleau
Sorry for not giving you a heads up but this is the Bears’ most well kept secret
And it feels bad to out him when he hasn’t told us anything himself
So we kinda just let the newbies find out on their own have the q&a session later
Hammersmith
Ask away if you have any questions!
Ehlers
I don’ really have that many questions I’m just confused
I thought he was a fuckboy?
Marleau
He is a fuckboy
He fucks anything with legs
Dubek
That’s ableist
He probably fucks amputees too, if they’re hot
Connors
And always with the freckles, he’s so predicable 😩
Sebbin
Yeah one time I saw him go home with not one, not two, but THREE people at once and ALL of them had freckles
How do you have such a 100% freckle score rate in a foursome
St-Simon
Once when we were doing charity work at a hospital I saw him ogling a freckled nurse the whole day and istg I saw him go off with him to some storage room afterwards, this guy can get laid anywhere
Connors
Oh look who has found his phone again
St-Simon
Fuck off I was doing a social media detox
What we are trying to say, rook, is that the captain is a raging bisexual
Sebbin
Extremely raging
Dubek
Like violently bisexual
Marleau
He can not keep it in his pants at all so we make sure that at least the door is closed behind him
I probably don’t need to explain to you why
Ehlers
No I get it, no one will hear a word from me!
Connors told me we’re supposed to rotate through with the keeping an eye out?
Marleau
Yeah it’s a weekly rotation system but it’s a bit messy in the pre season
Basically if you see something just text it in the chat to get backup for the guarding
Good job on that last night btw, that was technically Dubek’s job but he was busy shitting in a different club
Dubek
Can you leave my IBS alone I’m already suffering enough
Sebbin
Maybe if it wasn’t self inflicted we would
Just admit you’re allergic to beans
Dubek
I hate you
Sebbin
But am I wrong?
Dubek
…
Connors
Anyways now that the rookie is up to date change the chat name back Marly
Marleau has changed the group name to “Roz’s guard dogs 🐻”
Marleau
Alright since everyone is on the same page now and the regular season is about to start
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1xrMeKPRU...
Pick your shifts boys
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
Connors
Code eggplant in the bathroom on the 2nd floor, can’t go I’m shooting my shot rn
St-Simon
On it 🫡
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
Aud
Not sure if I saw correctly but fire exit stairs a bit left from the bar
I have the door right here but is anyone free to guard from the upper and lower floor?
Sebbin
🏃🏾♂️
Ehlers
I can do 3rd floor!
Marleau
Thanks kid!
Ehlers
3️⃣🏃♂️💨
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
Sebbin
Bathroom on the ground level
Oop nvm he’s just puking
Connors
😂👍🏻
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
Today at 22:46
Marly
Roz is making this whole be bi in secret thing really hard when he’s grinding up on dudes like this
I don’t care that there’s like 3 girls sandwiched between them
Sainty
No as a born and bred European this is still within the realm of normal
As long as there’s no ear nibbling it’s fine
Marly
Taking your word for it
Today at 22:59
Marly
Ok there’s the ear nibbling
El help me subtly bring them somewhere more secluded like a herding dog
Ehlers
🫡 🫡
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
Spring 2015
Conny
Ok so we all agree that Jane’s a man, right?
Seb
I’d bet money on it
I can’t think of any other reason why he’d be so secretive about her
Aud
I think he’s a Montreal fan too 👀
Sainty
Has to be, Roz doesn’t do boring
Conny
Do you think Roz makes him wear our jersey during sex? 😂
Or would he find it hotter to fuck someone wearing Montreal’s jersey 🤔
Marly
Both is fucking weird idk why some people are so into that
Looking at you Hammy
Hammy
I don’t even do anything and still catch strays
What if Jane makes ROZ wear the Montreal jersey??
Conny
Lmao don’t be ridiculous that would never happen 🤣
Sainty
Yeah Roz wouldn’t even do that for his favorite hookup 😂
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
Winter 2015-16
Seb
Are we losing our observational skills or is Roz really tame lately
Aud
He’s on his phone again literally as we speak while some hot blonde is flirting into his ear
Conny
Something’s up
He’s constantly texting in the locker room looking all sappy too
Sainty
Idc cm drnk w meeee
Ehlers
Sainty I think all you should drink rn is water 😭😭
Sainty
Fuck everythnnnnggggg
Everything sucks
Carmy
Taking a break from Roz duty to get Sainty taken care of
Conny
El and I will keep an eye on cap but pretty sure he’s preoccupied
Ehlers
I smell love in the air 🥰🥰
Sainty
Is only ass in th air tonight!!
fuckk1!!
Carmy
I’ve got Sainty, we’re heading back to the hotel
Confiscated his phone too
Marly
Thanks man!
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
November 2016
Carmy
Yo is he mad about something or why is Roz fucking the third person this night already 😭
I wish I had his stamina
Conny
Something’s weird, he’s not even mixing it up? It’s been only dudes since last week and he’s not looking like they’re any good
Ehlers
He yelled at me during practice the other day too and he never does that ☹️
He apologized after but still
Hammy
Yeah something’s up
Marly
I think it’s trouble in paradise
Jane hasn’t texted in weeks
Carmy
And you know this how? 🤨
Marly
By being his locker neighbor and regularly stealing glances at his phone
Do not judge me you all would too if you were in this close proximity to the tea
Sainty
Wdym tea aren’t they just sexting all the time
Marly
They are but it’s also like funny
Jane sucks at sexting 😂
Roz is all like are you ready for 🍆💦🍑🥵 and Jane replies like he’s grocery shopping
Conny
And then Roz goes all 🥰🥰
Aud
Usually people are falling over themselves to get a bite of Roz but have we considered that Roz is maybe more whipped for Jane than Jane is for Roz
Ehlers
I always feel bad for Jane because Roz is hooking up with so many people… if it was me I’d feel a bit betrayed
Not calling Roz a cheater since obvs they aren’t dating but yk
Just sucks for Jane
Sainty
No I get you
It’s been so many years, at some point you gotta lock in or log out
Hammy
Shit, is that what’s happening? Jane logged out and Roz is spiraling because he’s realizing he’s whipped?
Rip what if Jane started dating someone else??
Dubek
Let’s not catastrophize
For all we know Jane is just as much of a slut as Roz
But I agree that maybe it’s more serious for Roz, not that he’d ever admit it
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
December 2016
Hammy
I have to take a raincheck today, someone needs to cover my roz shift
Seb
Not me I’ll pass out if I move another finger today
Marly
Same
Fuck
Any chance we can get him to stay in tonight
I was hoping since it’s Montreal he’d talk it out with Jane
Conny
Bad news he’s even more pissed than usual
He told me to get people to go out
Ehlers
If I die tonight please come to my funeral and stop my sister from playing Katy Perry at the service
Conny
We might all be buried in a mass grave tomorrow
Hammy
Sainty just told me he’s going
He’s definitely getting shitfaced again
Ehlers
I can’t look out for both of them! Someone else needs to come, at least one guard dog per person 😭
Conny
I’m coming and dragging Dubek with me
Also got a couple guys from the bench who are still fresh
Hammy
Thanks guys I owe you one
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
January 2017
Conny
Yo Marly what happened at all stars?? Roz looks like he’s about to kiss the whole world
Marly
Idk man day one he was still acting like doomsday is near and then suddenly on the next day he was all smiles and gone as soon as the official stuff was over
Ehlers
Do you think Jane was at the game? 👀
Marly
I didn’t see him with anyone
He just hung with the guys from the other teams a bit and then vanished
He was even civil with Hollander
Sainty
Civil? Bro smooched him on the ice 🤣
Ehlers
I would too if I was one of the best players in the world and played together with the other best player in the world against the rest of the best players in the league and easily wiped the floor with them 🤷🏻♂️
Dubek
Damn El lay off the glaze 😂
Ehlers
Watching them reminded me why I fell in love with hockey in the first place
I almost cried I was so touched
Conny
Okay El that’s enough tv for you today
Carmy
So anyways Jane
So glad they made up or I would have simply passed away at the next practice
It was getting to unsurvivable levels of drilling
Aud
It couldn’t have been that bad
Dubek
You’ve been on IR forever Aud you cannot comment on our suffering
Sainty
Yeah Aud you have no say in this we haven’t seen you in months
Marly
Where are you rehabbing this time, the Bahamas?
Aud
Fuck you all I’ll be back next month 🖕
Marly
With tan lines? 😂
Hammy
I texted my brother who’s in the army and told him we probably have it worse than he did in bootcamp and he laughed at me
Aud
Deserved
Hammy
Then I told him everything Roz put us through and then he said maybe I was right
Carmy
Notice how Aud didn’t deny the tan lines 🤣🤣
Ehlers
We love you Aud!
Conny
Yes we do, drink a Mojito for me, your save percentages are always way up after a good vacation 🫶🏻
Aud
🖕 🖕 😂
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
March 2017
Aud
Shit guys I watched the game
Marly already told me he and Hollander are both ok but what about cap? He looked shellshocked
Conny
He was super out of it all game and afterwards too
I think seeing that so soon after his father’s death was too much
Idk how it looked on tv but in person it was BAD
Ehlers
Yeah it was horrible
But according to what Roz said after his visit he’ll make a full recovery
Aud
Okay that’s good then
Can’t imagine a world without their rivalry
Good to hear he went to visit
Marly
I wanted to go with him but he said I might get murdered by his mom if I do
Carmy
Probably not too far off 😂
Did he say anything about wanting to go out for distraction?
Marly
Nah he’s def staying in
He looked pretty rough still
Seb
This whole season has been an emotional rollercoaster for him, let’s give him some space and check in subtly
Dubek
Agreed
Ehlers
My mom is visiting and brought way too much precooked food, I can drop some off at his place later
Conny
Good thinking, he’ll definitely appreciate that!
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
May 2017
Carmy
HOLY SHIT!!!!!!
GUYS
GUSY!!!!!!
HELLO?!
WATCHPARTY GUYS
Ehlers
YES MAN WE SAW
ROZY SAW TOO
Carmy
AND?? How’s he reacting??
Ehlers
Immediately left the room 👀
Hammy
He went to call someone
It better be Jane or I’ll end him myself
Carmy
It better be!!
Marly
I think it is
Fucking good for Hunter I never expected this but damn I’m happy for him
Dubek
Me too this guy is normally almost as tense as Hollander
But he looked so relaxed during the kiss just now
I’m gonna text him
Ehlers
Me too
Although he probably won’t care from a small fry like me
Conny
Don’t sell yourself short El, your stats are really good!
And every bit of support from within the league matters
Marly
I’ll make Roz send a text in the name of the team
That way both Hunter AND Roz know we’re all cool
Hammy
Genius idea
Sainty
Everybody stfu he’s coming back
Aud I can see you reading the chat, hand connors a tissue before roz sees
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
June 2017
Dubek
Anybody know where Roz is? I went to his house to drop off the tupperware I borrowed after the watch party but it looks dead
Hammy
Didn’t he already leave for vacation?
Marly
Yeah, dropped him off at the airport two days ago
Dubek
You think anyone will steal them if I leave the containers at the door?
Seb
Roz only has rich neighbors they don’t gaf about tupperware
Or keep them and give them back next season
Dubek
I’ll forget until then
Stuffed them into the corner
Carmy
Did cap go to Russia again?
Ehlers
That’s what he said during the watch party
I wish he didn’t go all the time, that place fucks him up ☹️
Marly
I actually don’t think he did 👀
I checked the flights this time and there were no direct flights to Moscow
But you didn’t hear that from me
Seb
That’s because there ARE no direct flights to Moscow from Boston, dumbass
But with his father dead, is there any reason other than habit to go back? We all know he hates his brother
Marly
🙄
He tried to hide it but he was super giddy when I dropped him off. He’s definitely not going to Russia
Ehlers
That means he’s going to Jane? 👀
Aud
If he is then that’s huge!
For as long as I’ve known about Jane, I don’t think they’ve ever spent more than a night together, right?
Marly
Pretty sure you’re right
This is a milestone
Sainty
This calls for celebration
Everybody who’s still in Boston, we’re going out tonight
Conny
You’re just looking for an excuse to get wasted after the divorce 😂
Count me in
Sainty
We do not speak of that cursed occurrence in this chat, today we celebrate love and only love
Anybody else?
Marly
I’m coming
Ehlers
Me too!
Conny
Picking you up on the way El
Ehlers
🤩👍🏻
Aud
Sorry I’m already in the Bahamas
Seb
Of course you are 😂
Aud
Chucking a Mojito in honor of Jane and Roz 🍸
Hammy
Cheers! 😂
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
Winter 2017
Hammy
I can’t believe we’re already MONTHS into the season and Roz still hasn’t hooked up with anyone
This is really happening, isn’t it?
Seb
Are you getting sentimental on your 7th beer? 😂
Hammy
Leave me alone
I’m like pavlov’s dog
Every time a conventionally hot guy moves into Roz’ vicinity my alarm bells ring but he’s not even noticing them
Jane’s got him locked down fr
But I can’t turn the instinct off yk
Seb
Hammy stop ordering drinks
Hammy
He’s not looking at the girls either
Or the potential threesomes
Just eyes glued to the phone looking like a kid on Christmas morning
Ehlers
I risked my life earlier and asked if he’s texting Jane and he didn’t even deny it 😭😭
He just smiled all happy 😭😭
I really hope it works out this time
Sainty
I can’t believe you’re all getting emotional over Roz’ love life in the middle of a club 😂
Ehlers
But that’s the thing, it’s actually a LOVE life now!! We’ve been through war and back!
Hammy I’m coming to you for a toast
Hammy
Ordering a beer for you
What a beautiful time to be alive
Conny
Get me one too
Also a round of shots for everyone to celebrate
Marly
I’m trying to get Roz off his phone for long enough to drink one with us but he might be GONE gone 😂
Dubek
Love that for him I’ll down his then
Seb
You just want a free drink
Dubek
🤷🏻♂️
Roz’s guard dogs 🐻
Summer 2018
Ehlers
They grow up so fast 😭
Marly
Sit down El you’re a child 😂
Seb
Remember when three of us guarded the fire exit of that bar for an hour and he wasn’t even there 😂
Hammy
I’m gonna miss him 🥲
Conny
We’re going to freefall so hard in the rankings without Roz but I can’t be mad about it knowing what it took to get to this point
We put in such hard work
Proud of us
Sainty
Do you need a tissue lmao
But yeah guys, proud of us
Dubek
Do you think we should warn the Cens?
Or do we think Jane has Roz locked down fr now
Ehlers
I think Jane got it
Marly
I have faith in them
Seb
If they fuck this up they’ll have to deal with me personally
But just in case, is anyone in contact with someone on the Cens?
Aud
Yeah I have Cal Winston’s number
Marly
Who?
Aud
Third line winger, met him in rehab a while ago. Nice guy
Dubek
So your rehabs are actually good for something 🤩
Counting on our guy Cal to give us updates occasionally
Conny
Actually guys maybe I’m not as cool about this as I thought
This is a safe space so I’m going to say it
I’m trying to not cry for the sake of this epic romance but fuck I don’t want to see Roz go 😭
Ehlers
Me neither but we have to let the bird leave the nest eventually 😭
Hammy
With Roz off to Ottawa, do we need to change the chat name? Feels like half my job description is gone now 😭
Sainty
As much as I hate it, I fear we have to. It’s the end of an era
Not Rozzless Chat though!
Marly has changed the group name to “Roz’s (ex) guard dogs 🐻”
Ehlers
I vote for Janroz Support Squad
Carmy
The hell is a Janroz
Ehlers
Jane + Roz
Jane comes first because he’s a legend
Hammy
Sound logic
I support this statement
Sainty
I accept this proposal as well
Conny
I support the (ex) rook in general 💪🏻
Ehlers
Thank you Conny ☺
Sainty
I do not care as long as it’s not Rozzless Chat
Marly
And for the emoji at the end?
Conny
🍆🍑🥵🥵
Marly
Definitely not 😂😂
Ehlers
🥰💘💕
Hammy
Too sappy
Dubek
What about just 🤫
Carmy
Boring
We need something passionate
Marly has changed the group name to “Janroz Support Squad ❤️🔥”
Seb
Approved 🤝🏾
Janroz Support Squad ❤️🔥
Winter 2018-19
Aud
Cal reports regularly scratched up backs and mysterious disappearances at Montreal games
Seb
My man
Aud
But he says it’s weird that Roz is not going out to get laid all the time
And apparently he’s really grumpy sometimes
Ehlers
Obvs he only knows Roz from tv and gossip pages, they act like he gets laid twice a day every day
Which was probably accurate pre-Jane
Seb
You don’t think Jane keeps up like that?
Ehlers
But they’re still long distance, right?
It’s Montreal Jane not Ottawa Jane
Conny
Shit you’re right
Roz must be on withdrawal most of the time
Sainty
I didn’t even think of that… I just figured Jane would move to Ottawa too. Like each of them closing the distance a bit
Marly
Before he left I asked him why Jane can’t just come to Boston instead
Obvs he deflected and said it’s not about Jane, but in the end he told me “it’s complicated”
Carmy
It’s always complicated with Jane
Man I’m so curious who he is
He must be working for the FBI or something to be so tied down to his location
Ehlers
I think he’s an actor
Someone who shoots a long series in the same place and can’t move away because of it
Sainty
For a decade? Nah that’s too long
Ehlers
Maybe the series only started a couple years ago when they got serious 🤷🏻♂️
Conny
You’re way off
It’s a politician
Marly
Definitely not 😂😂
Conny
Think about it
Tied to a location but travels to the US a lot
Can’t be seen dating someone with a different nationality
Can’t be seen dating a celebrity
Must be top secret
Sainty
Why would he not be allowed to be seen dating a celebrity
Conny
Because they’re supposed to be close to us commoners or whatever dumbass
Dubek
I don’t believe it
He must be a model or something
Marly
??
How is that in any way more logical
Dubek
If any of y’all were dating models wouldn’t you drop everything too and move to wherever they are?
Sainty
…
Perhaps
Aud
I actually requested a trade to Philly back in 2015 because I had that thing with Leonore Riku back then 😂
Conny
You did what?? Fucking traitor 😭
Aud
It didn’t go through obviously
Also why are you having a problem with me doing that but not with Roz 🤨
Conny
Because your fling with Riku lasted about 3 seconds during which you got cheated on twice and Roz has been at this for over ten years
Aud
Point taken
Carmy
I’m sticking to my FBI theory
Or whatever that’s called in Canada
Janroz Support Squad ❤️🔥
January 2021
Aud
I fucking finally heard from Cal! He says they’re all fine but half of them lost or broke their phones in the commotion
Emergency landing was scary but nobody’s hurt
Marly
Thank God
I almost became religious again
Ehlers
Roz is fine too?
Aud
Yeah Cal says Roz and a bunch of others are basically waiting in line to call their families with the few remaining phones
An official statement will be put out in a couple of hours probably
Conny
So glad nothing happened, that could’ve ended disastrously
Seb
Marly how good is Roz with remembering phone numbers?
Marly
Nobody remembers phone numbers in this day and age
The staff should have all the most important numbers anyways
Seb
Yeah but he wouldn’t have put Jane as an emergency contact, would he?
Hammy
Wait you think no one informed Jane so far? Could he not have put him down as a friend?
Seb
With how secretive Roz is? No chance
Marly
I don’t know actually
It’s Jane so he might have actually rubbed his two braincells together and memorized it
Conny
This must be horrible for Jane if they’ve still told nobody about each other. He must be so scared for Roz but can’t ask anyone or tell anyone why he’s scared
Ehlers
Fuck
We should’ve stolen his number off Roz’ phone when we still had the chance
Sainty
Aud tell Cal to make them post the statement faster!
Aud
On it 🫡🫡
Janroz Support Squad ❤️🔥
February 2021
Carmy
Shocking news!!
https://www.instagram.com/p/DdGd...
Seb
Troy Barrett??
This guy really must’ve gotten a whole personality transplant holy shit
Sainty
First punching Kent, then being the #1 women supporter and now he’s coming out? What a character arc
Conny
It sounds wild when you say it like that but now image he’s always been like that and just had to hide it because of fuckass Toronto
Sainty
And to think we were worried about Roz when we heard about his trade
Roz would’ve been able to handle himself either way but having a homophobic asshole around when you’re still in the closet is never fun
Or at any other time but especially in the closet
Carmy
Sainty do you want to tell us something
Sainty
Fuck off man I’m just being empathetic
You know what my ex told me to be more of
Conny
😬😬
Anyways
Good for Barrett
And good for Roz 👀
Marly
When I last talked to Roz he seemed pretty fond of Barrett so maybe they are able to bond over this
Ehlers
He HAS to have told someone about Jane by now
You think he already met the parents? 👀
Marly
No idea, he still keeps all info about Jane locked in Fort Knox
Seb
That’s not how that saying goes
Marly
🙄🙄
Hammy
With both Hunter and Barrett now out and being active payers I hope Roz can be more open too
Keeping a relationship secret for so long would kill me
Marly
He has Russia to worry about tho…
Ehlers
But he’s not going back anymore, no?
During the summer he always posts landscapes geotagged Ottawa and Montreal
Marly
He still has the passport and work visa
Unless he gets Canadian citizenship he has to play by russias rules
Conny
Shit
But he’s definitely in the process of getting that citizenship, right?
Sainty
It’s hard to leave something like that behind even if you have nobody there anymore
The country you were raised in stays part of you forever
But the safety issue is a real concern so I hope for his sake that he can let it go
Carmy
Or that he’s not as sentimental about it as you are
Seb
I don’t think he cares much about that
But it’d also mean not being able to visit his mother’s grave anymore
Not being able to go is different than just not going
Ehlers
True
Dubek
This is getting heavy
Anybody congratulating Barrett?
Marly
He was too much of a dick to me over the years to text him personally but I liked the post
Conny
Same!
Also left a comment
Aud
I might grab a drink with him & roz next time we’re in ottawa
With everything I’ve seen of him over the past year he’s turned out a pretty solid dude
Marly
I would’ve grabbed one with Roz either way, ig we can take barrett too
I heard his bf makes a mean apple cider
Ehlers
Lmao that’s so domestic
I love a reformed asshole
Hammy
Thank god roz didn’t hear that or you’d never live that comment down 😂
Ehlers
😂😂
Janroz Support Squad ❤️🔥
March 2021
Marly
Considering the other chat is going wild I assume you’ve all seen the video
And I would like to take a moment to reiterate that getting outed like that is reprehensible and I better see none of you liking or sharing it
But I also have to say
HOLY SHIT SHANE HOLLANDER?????
Conny
I KNOW RIGHT??? HOW’D HE PULL HIM
Ehlers
Just when I thought Jane couldn’t get more legendary I can’t believe this 😭😭
Conny
JUST HOWWW????
Like I get Roz is hot and all and a great dude but SHANE HOLLANDER??? THEEE SHANE HOLLANDER???
I thought this guy was an impenetrable fortress
Except for Rose Landry
Marly
Roz probably does plenty of penetrating actually
Or the other way round I don’t actually know
But
SHANE HOLLANDER
Dubek
Can we just take a moment to appreciate that I was right
Sainty
What are you saying, at no point did anyone here guess Shane Hockey God Hollander who btw is also Roz’ biggest rival if anyone forgot that
Hammy
As if we could forget
Although the rivalry has cooled down recently
But I’m just realizing if it’s Shane Hollander… then that means it has been him THIS WHOLE TIME??
Carmy
And Shane/Jane isn’t slick either how did we not realize 😭
Conny
I just thought Jane Doe or something 😭😭
Ehlers
I’m rewatching old faceoffs and bro they weren’t even trying to be subtle 😭
Winking, biting their lips, checking each other out
We might just be stupid af
Dubek
I want to go back to the point where I guessed right
Which means you all owe me 50 bucks
Aud
You didn’t guess shit
Dubek
I said model
Therefore I am the closest BY FAR
Sainty
Since when is Hollander a model
Dubek
Since he’s plastered on every billboard throughout North America? Do you need glasses??
Sainty
That’s not his main job though
Dubek
I bet you he makes more money from those brand deals than most actual models
Carmy
We might have to take the L on that one
After we finish freaking out about this
Seb
Which I am not done with btw
Because I realized that dry ass facts only text I saw years ago about cumming twice in an hour hands free was typed and sent and probably spell checked too by Shane Hollander personally
Marly
I’m recontextualizing every sext I’ve ever seen on Roz’ phone
And there were A LOT
Hammy
I just know they’re fucking wild in bed
And I also know they understand the magic of jerseys
Aud
💀💀
Also Marly are you realizing that you almost killed Jane a few years ago
Marly
Fuck
No wonder he was so devasted
Ehlers
FUCK THEY HAD TO PLAY AGAINST EACH OTHER WHILE THEY WERE FIGHTING
DURING LANDREY ERA
Conny
El breathe, are you still on youtube 😭
Ehlers
These compilations are so freaking good
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJXL4...
I ALREADY LOVED THE ALL STARS KISS BUT I’M GOING TO FRAME IT NOW
Dubek
Has anyone been able to reach Roz yet? It went straight to mailbox when I tried to call earlier
Marly
Their phones are probably exploding rn
Let’s just text them and show our support online in the meantime
Seb
Yeah they’re definitely drafting up statements as we speak
This must be stressful af for them
Ehlers
Oh shit what about Russia? Anything new on that front?
Marly
Not that I know of
But knowing that he has Yuna Hollander on his side now means he’s good
Hammy
How do we know that she’s supportive?
Conny
I met her once at a gala, she was raving about her son nonstop
If it’s for her son’s happiness she’d probably move mountains
Ehlers
She sounds awesome
Conny
Scary more like it
Anyways I’ve made my post go like it
https://www.instagram.com/p/DdL0A...
Ehlers
Liked it!
Sainty
We have to get the full story out of them eventually
Hollander and Roz together is novel type shit
I’m never going to complain about my relationship drama ever again
Carmy
I’ll give it a week
Sainty
🖕🏻
Ehlers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u10YW...
I can’t stop watching these 😭
How did they keep this a secret for so long it’s so obvious now that I know it
Conny
…fuck it I can’t wait until Roz is back online
El send the playlist
Ehlers
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCQ8if9L...
Marly
The way this chat suddenly went silent 😂
I’ll let you know once I hear from Roz lmao
Hollanov Support Squad ❤️🔥
July 2021
Marly
Forwarded message:
Cancel ur plans on July 10
Where: Ottawa
When: 10am – open end
Dress code: Formal
See more
Greetings from Roz 👀
Ehlers
Omg 👀👀
Conny
Is this what I think it is 👀👀👀
Carmy
I knew this day was coming! 🕺🏻 🕺🏻
Sainty
That’s in 5 days?!??! I’m supposed to have the kids this weekend!
Marly
That’s why he said cancel your plans
Seb
Or just bring the kids, Pike got a million of them so they’ll be in good company
Sainty
Fuck it I just might
No way I’m missing this
Dubek
Technically I’m supposed to fly to Paris on the 9th but if Rozy says to cancel my plans I shall follow his wish
Marly
That’s loyalty my man
Aud, Hammy, wby?
Hammy
Sorry I literally just saw your messages, no way?! Ofc I’m coming 🤩
Aud
Getting my discharge papers as we speak
Conny
😂👍🏻
Ehlers
Will this be the unofficial Bears reunion? I haven’t seen half of you in forever 😭
Carmy
Bring the tomatoes for everyone who got traded 🍅🍅
Ehlers
BOOO 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅
Conny
It wasn’t my fault 😭😭😭
Seb
And not mine either ☹️
Dubek
😞😞
Ehlers
🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅
Carmy
🍅🍅🍅🍅
Marly
🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅
Btw Roz said officially the dress code is formal but you can come sexy as well
Ehlers
Ofc he did 😂😂
Dubek
Unbuttoning my top two buttons just for him
Seb
Nobody wants to see that man
Conny
🍅🍅🍅🍅
Carmy
Dubek putting the bear in Bears
Aud
😂
Hollanov Support Squad ❤️🔥
July 2021
Aud
Bro my legs hurt sm why are there no chairs at this wedding
I’m literally still fresh out of knee surgery this is putting me right back on IR
Sainty
Just sit on the grass like the rest of us it won’t bite
Ehlers
Hey guys just so you know maybe don’t go to the downstairs bathroom
Conny
?
That big of a shit?
Marly
Appreciate you letting us know 👍🏻
The same cannot be said for someone else
Ehlers
Noo I just almost walked in on Roz and Holzy in there 😂
They were very busy lmao 🍆💦🍆💦
Dubek
You can’t be fr rn tell me there’s at least another one? I had the bean paste side dish
Seb
Dude you can’t keep doing this to yourself
Carmy
There’s one upstairs as well I think
Ehlers
For old times’ sake, does anyone wanna stand on duty with me? 😂
Marly
I’ll come, gotta have my man’s back until the bitter end 🤣
Aud
Are there chairs?
Sainty
No man unless you wanna sit on Holzy’s lap while Roz sucks him off?? What are you even asking 😭
Ehlers
They sound like they’re doing more than just sucking 🤧
Conny
Coming as well, this is a full circle moment
Hammy
Me too
Carmy
Let’s all go, one guy every few feet 🤣
Dubek, you coming too?
Seb
He ran past me a few minutes ago
He’ll be out for a while I think lmao
Sainty
This is so awkward, we’re all just standing here like 🧍🏻♂️ 🧍🏾♂️ 🧍🏻♂️ 🧍🏻♂️ 🧍🏻♂️
Ehlers
Let’s just huddle together, it’s not a secret anymore anyways
Seb
👍🏾
Marly
👍🏻
Carmy
👍🏻
Ehlers
Have I ever told you that I love you guys
Conny
Aw no kid don’t start I already cried enough today
Ehlers
💛🖤💛🖤
♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡
Conny
KID STOP
Ehlers
For you specifically Conny ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡
Thank you for taking care of me so much during my rookie years
I may have been cap’s favorite but you were always like my big brother on the team
Marly
And he’s crying again 🤣🤣🤣
Conny
It’s because my eyes hurt!!
Fuck it group hug 😭😭