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What did Red want to be when they grew up?
Cool space captain.
The answer never changed, but Red’s parents once thought they’d grow out of it. They wanted them to be a doctor.
Red never quite understood the obsession with prestigious medical professionals. Well, obviously the money, that was the biggest reason. And the being smart and disciplined and all. To a much lesser extent, the noble notion of wanting to dedicate one’s life to helping others— Fine, logically it made sense. Red was just bitter.
Red had a pretty hot doctor on their crew they couldn’t stay bitter towards. Even if everyone wanted to rely on the doctor instead of the captain, Red themself couldn’t help but do the same. Blue always knew just what to do. Red never had any clue. Red tried to steal some of the credit sometimes to look like a better leader, but Blue never got upset with them for it. They were really— What was it called? Emotionally intelligent.
Blue understood anybody’s needs just from a glance. Blue would pet Red’s head and treat them nice even though Red was stupid and rarely understood what they were talking about. And like the rest of the crew, Red was undoubtedly attracted to Blue, but they never quite swooned over them exactly like the others. ‘Cause of all the baggage.
Was Blue a hot crewmate who happened to work as a doctor, or was being a doctor the reason they were hot? If Red had gone down that path after all, would they have been admired? Would P Red wanted everybody to like them too.
Red wasn’t a doctor, though, and they didn’t want to be. They wanted to be a captain.
They were a captain.
And they were good at being a captain.
On Violet’s birthday, the house was full of decorations from the dollar store. Even if they had a tight budget, they would always make sure to celebrate.
Their friends would come over later. Their older cousin Josh was already here, though! Violet called them Joshie. Joshie was the absolute coolest. They were best buds. They even let Violet open their present early. Joshie knew them so well that it was a book, they could tell through the wrapping paper.
Violet liked reading. Violet was a very smart kid, they were in the gifted program after all. Detective fiction was their favorite. They loved solving whodunnits. They were good at picking up on the tiniest clues tucked subtly into seemingly innocuous sentences, not half bad of a sleuth for their age. But, to their dismay, sometimes a red herring would steal their attention the whole story, and they’d only figure out the real culprit in the moments right before the big reveal.
So Violet unwrapped the present, and it was a book about the history of the lens. Joshie must have noticed how obsessed Violet was with their telescope when their parents dropped them off at their place overnight. They had been on the lookout for shooting stars and passing spacecraft. The planet they lived on had a whole bunch of moons that blocked some areas of the night sky, though.
Violet was naturally curious, so they began reading their present right away. Lenses bent light into orderly fashion and helped crewmates see clearly what they could not with only their bare visors, and there were convex and concave lenses that had different thicknesses of the glass in different places.
Used in cameras, microscopes, lighthouses— Violet was most interested in the section about binoculars: they were actually just two small telescopes mounted next to each other. It was then that they formed the opinion that binoculars were twice as good as telescopes.
Joshie read the book with them until Violet’s friends came over, and they wanted to play outside.
They all played catch while Violet’s sibling tried to steal the ball from the middle. Then they played Hide and Seek, which Violet was so good at that it made their parents worry. They were only lured out of hiding by the promise of playing a nonsensical game they made up before called Wizard Battle. Violet’s sibling did melee staff wizardry, which meant they ran around hitting everyone with a stick they found. Violet themself gathered random grass and weeds and leaves and berries for revival potions for them and their friends to drink after getting killed by melee staff wizardry. Joshie had to babysit and make sure nobody got hurt or actually ate anything.
Soon, they were all called back inside for cake.
Here was Violet’s favorite part every year; they sat at the table while everyone gathered around. The lights were turned off, and the flames on the candles bleared as their vision adjusted to the dark. Everybody sung:
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Violet
Happy birthday to you
And many more, their parent added onto the end as always.
Violet made their wish and blew out the candles.
They were older. Everybody celebrated. Violet felt so loved and so happy that they wished every day could be their birthday.
Their sibling harassed them to tell everyone what they had wished for, but they knew they weren’t allowed to say or it wouldn’t come true. What they had wished for was to travel across the galaxy.
Violet’s parent cut the cake and gave them the first slice. It was just box mix confetti cake with an uneven coat of homemade icing, but it had the special ingredient.
As Red grew older, they lost the friends they used to have in kindergarten and first grade. They wondered why. Spaceships were the coolest thing in the world, why did everybody act like they didn’t care about them?!
So Red made up this crewmate called Cherry, and Cherry was Red except they were a grown-up with a job and that job was cool space captain. Captain Cherry went on space adventures through the stars off to distant planets, planets where everybody there liked them and thought their spaceship was awesome and wanted to be their friend.
Red always got in trouble for not paying attention in class, daydreaming or drawing comics instead of listening like they should.
The thing was, they tried to listen, and it didn’t work! They couldn’t learn anything. They fell behind on every subject except Gym, because that was when they were allowed to run and jump and Captain’s Kick. In class, they had to sit in a chair and stay there, and they weren’t allowed to rock in it because that was disruptive, and the teacher would use words Red didn’t understand, and even when Red did understand it would only be the individual definitions of the words, they couldn’t grasp the meaning of the whole sentence for some reason. It frustrated Red so much they would literally cry.
Their teacher never tried to help. Red had gotten their hearing checked with all the other students, and it was normal. They firmly believed Red chose not to listen. They yelled at them and made Red the laughing stock of the class. Red was the ‘bad kid’. Red was a crybaby. Red was a lost cause.
One day, Red got fed up with this and said the comebacks they always thought of in their head out loud. In hindsight, they were incredibly immature. But the other kids weren’t laughing at Red anymore, they were laughing at the dumb teacher, at Red’s jokes!
Red had friends again, but none of them cared about Cherry.
Red’s parents were not happy to hear about how they started acting up in class. Their grades were almost all Fs, so they were already on thin ice, but this was unacceptable. They yelled at Red. Red cried. Then Red was yelled at even more for being a crybaby.
Red was attention-seeking, disrespectful, incapable, a complete imbecile, always embarrassing everyone around them, a failure at everything they’d ever do, and a lost cause.
On Red’s birthday, they didn’t get any cake or presents. They ran away that night and hid somewhere, probably a mile away, but being a little kid they really thought they would never go back home. They doubted their parents would miss their only child, Red didn’t behave. They never paid attention to them when they were good, only bad, they didn’t care about them at all. They were probably happy they were gone. At least Red could cry where nobody would yell at them for being bad.
They looked up at the sky. They waited for a shooting star. Even if they had no candles, they were determined to get their wish one way or another.
They waited for so long they almost gave up.
But then it came, they beheld through their tears, flame in the dark in bleary vision, that streak of hope. Red made their wish. What they wished for was to travel across the galaxy.
When they found Red, they were grounded until their next birthday. They didn’t care. ‘Lost cause’ was an interesting way to pronounce ‘captain’.
Red was a bit intimidated by the other intern at the site on their very first day. They were way better than them at knowing what they were supposed to do, and they didn’t say hi first. What if they were a snob?
Still, they decided they would go up and break the ice, because even if they judged books by their covers, they were nothing if not outgoing.
Getting closer, Red noticed the intern actually looked kind of shy, not snobbish. Well, not exactly shy, shy was the wrong word. It looked like they didn’t want to take up space among the professionals. But Red was just another unpaid intern, right?
Red told them their name. The crewmate responded hey Red, they assumed so, they were Purple. Red said they also assumed so. They shook hands. New to the corporate world, neither of them were sure how long a handshake should have gone on for. They shook for at least a full minute until Red’s hand got sweaty and they had to wipe it.
Red then told Purple about how they wanted to become a captain for MIRA someday. They were so excited to be here and kind of nervous, but they hoped they could get along.
Purple said they heard the promotion ceremonies MIRA did for their captains were huge! They had all these fleets of ships go by and stuff, they’d do anything to see it! Red told them they’d invite them to theirs. Purple promised they’d totally be there.
Woah. They were nice. Not in the nodding-along way, they were actually nice.
Then Red asked what Purple was doing here, and they learned they wanted to be a flight controller. Like one of the ones who worked in those mission control centers that have all the desks with the screens and the big screen up front and everyone says smartypants stuff about ignition and altitude. Seriously so classic! Red could never do that, though.
The two interns kept chatting as they went and did their tasks together.
Red quickly noticed Purple had a tendency to bite off more than they could chew, so they tried to find ways to be helpful to them. Take some things off their hands, both literally and metaphorically.
In turn, Purple helped Red with their more complex tasks. Purple didn’t just tell Red things and expect them to understand, they tried to show them how. When Red still didn’t understand, they didn’t get mad at them, they tried other ways until something clicked.
They followed each other around everywhere. They couldn’t stop talking, and it came so naturally, and Purple didn’t care how much Red talked, they just had a witty response for everything! They had a unique sense of humor— A bit offbeat, but since when hadn’t Red sucked at rhythm games?
At the end of the day, when they went to where they were assigned to sleep, they found out they were roommates.
Purple was awesome and funny and smart and patient and kind and reliable and cool and they were having sleepovers!
…Someone was head over flip-flops.
When they got tired of being bossed around, Purps and Redsie went and hid in the storage room between the racks and played Truth or Dare. While Purps was a mixed bag, Redsie always picked Dare because they were not a coward.
They put non-water substances in the water dispenser, stole leftover pizza crusts, wrote things on the researchers’ documents when they weren’t looking, accidentally started a fire once— It was a complete accident, they swore! They had just tried to connect an audio mixer to the decrepit Comms system so they could use a soundboard when they gave status reports, how were they supposed to know that would create a fire hazard?!
They goofed off too much. It was hard not to goof off, though, because everyone else there always acted sooo busy, too busy to even spare them a second glance, like the lowly interns were less than the dirt under their shoes. They only had each other to rely on.
Purps once tried to dare Redsie to pick Truth, but that was against the rules.
The CEO told Red they made the right decision. MIRA Corporation valued their cooperation.
Pink could tell how much Red valued their coworker, and yet they didn’t give in to them under pressure. That was the mark of a captain. They offered them an immediate promotion. The role of their dreams. Of course they’d need to pass a training program before they were assigned a mission, but the position would be guaranteed once Red met the criteria.
Red was over the moon!
But… This was all happening so soon! They were sure they could learn the mechanical doohickeys lickety-split, but did Pink really believe they had what it took to be a leader? Not that Red wasn’t up for it— They were very responsible and captainly like they said! They just didn’t want to let their boss down— Not that they would!
Pink told them about the Captain’s Handbook. It had everything they needed to know about how to command a crew, a rule for every possible case and scenario. Red could consult it all they wanted and be certain they were meeting expectations. A confident attitude was the number one requirement, the rest would come with time. In their professional opinion, Red would be a great captain.
That was all Red had ever wanted to hear. They vowed to do everything by the MIRA code.
Red covered the gaping hole in their heart with Good Job stickers.
It had been the worst decision of Purple’s life to take MIRA’s internship deal and come here. It wasn’t possible to send Purple back to their planet if MIRA refused to provide transport to a blacklisted former employee, their family didn’t just have money laying around to bypass the monopoly.
Purple used a huge chunk of the savings they had for the deposit for this random shitty apartment in a colony where they knew nobody because they had to move again after the nuclear fallout. They didn’t have any source of income, so they needed to figure something out and fast. MIRA was definitely already spreading its lies about Purple to every employer in the solar system.
They busted their ass off to achieve their dreams, and then those dreams collapsed in on themselves like wet cardboard. The company they had looked up to for so long didn’t give two shits about helping anybody who was affected after their nuclear reactor melted down. They cut corners on the most basic of safety measures in favor of profits. They didn’t even care if their own interns were okay, all they got called in for was to gauge if they’d help MIRA cover up the truth.
They could have died in the explosion! They literally thought they were going to! How could Red still want to work for them?! Those days spent recovering from their injuries before MIRA served the agreement, Purple did all they could to convince them they had to leave for their own good. Red tried to walk the fence, but they had to choose when faced with the contract. And they chose MIRA Corporation.
If they wouldn’t take Purple’s side, so be it. Purple blocked them on everything. They didn’t care if they tried to contact them or not, their decision said enough.
Red was a lost cause.
But now Purple was alone. Completely alone. They had nobody to rely on, not anymore.
They were so tired. Tired of everything. They didn’t want to humiliate themself looking for a job. They wanted to die. If Purple died right now, nobody would know for a while. And they had nothing left to live for—
That was not true, their family would be devastated! Why would they ever think of doing that to them? That’d be completely irrational!
Purple hummed louder than the thoughts.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Purple
Happy birthday to you
And many more.
They would still get older.
They didn’t actually want to die, they just lost the old reasons they had to live.
They got a new reason and named it Heracles.
It should have been the happiest day of Red’s life.
But Purple had broken their promise.
They thought they would have calmed down by now. But they cut them off completely. They knew they didn’t agree with their decision, but they thought they could set aside their differences and stay friends! Now, even just a text would suffice— Did they want Red to worry sick about them?! Because it was working! Every day they wondered where they went and if they were okay!
…Red could theoretically understand why Purple did not trust MIRA and why they were upset with the fact Red continued to work for them. But Purple didn’t understand back!
They wanted to be a captain, so bad, more than anything! They needed to prove they could be a captain, that was what their whole life was about! That was their entire identity! They had nothing else going for them!
The reason Red never fit in anywhere was because they were born to stand out! First in the rainbow! Main character! Red!!! Captain Red!!! Captain of the Skeld!!!
The Skeld. That was Red’s awesome spaceship. MIRA’s awesome spaceship that Red was authorized to pilot for cargo transport, whatever, same thing. Red had not, in fact, learned the mechanical doohickeys lickety-split. The controls were actually very complicated. It hurt their head. They really thought they’d be a natural. But they kept at it until they’d mostly learned what doohickey did what.
Purple had to come see it. They couldn’t keep ignoring them!
Security guards got paid just to be nosy and snoop on everyone in a spinny chair, so it’d be easy money! Purple would totally thank them for getting them this job. Over the course of the trip, Purple would also totally see MIRA wasn’t so bad, there had just been one big oopsie, and they would love security guarding so much they would become a permanent member of Red’s crew!!!!!
There was nothing that could go wrong. Red’s mission would be the best mission that had ever been done in the history of forever!
Purple lost their reason.
Red went alone to punch the override code into Admin. At least they could cry where nobody would yell at them for being bad.
Purple was good at picking up on the tiniest clues tucked subtly into seemingly innocuous sentences, the salt!, but they were not a very good sleuth. Red had stolen their attention the whole trip, and they only figured out the real culprit in the moments right before the big reveal, when it was too late to save anyone but themselves.
Green— that plucky, starry-visored crewmate with big dreams not unlike those they too held in a faraway time.
They had called them Purps, copying the captain’s nickname for them. They hadn’t known what it meant. Green was generally awkward like that— they never knew where to stand, and they went on and on about their worm farm stories to anyone who’d listen, and they were so painfully naive about a lot of things from growing up in a small village to the point it sometimes seemed like they were acting dumb on purpose. But they’d do whatever they were tasked with a smile and a certain skip in their step, happy to help out however they could even if they were treated as a lowly intern. Purple found themself regularly irritated by Green for admittedly wistful reasons.
Green had orchestrated the deaths of the entire crew. Green, or whatever puppeted their body and considered itself Green, played them like a fiddle.
It called them Purps. It knew what it meant. It toyed with them, ensnared them in its disgusting tendrils. All along it had sewn discord, reveled in their fear, wormed distrust into their viscera. The bodies reanimated, and Red still hadn’t made an appearance. It kept talking, Green didn’t even have to try to turn them against each other, Purple wanted Red’s mission to fail, Purple wanted Red to fail.
Purple blinked back tears as it read them like a book, but they had no choice but to trust Red here.
Deep down, they still wanted to trust them.
So they bought more time. White’s dead body spat blood into Purple’s face. I’ve failed upward my entire life!
Apparently that was the one-liner that resonated with Red. Cue Captain’s Kick in slow motion. Purple was kind of pissed, seriously, why’d they have to wait so long just to show off?!
They tried it to see how it felt.
Red said it was nice.
Purple understood a little.
Green had flicked one of their few coins into their village’s well and made a wish. What they had wished for was to travel across the galaxy.
Red and Purple killed Green, and then everybody was dead.
Red had no sympathy for alien scum. They put down the monster that tricked them and hunted their first and last crew for sport. But to their only crew, who had died because of Red and MIRA’s carelessness, they were sorry. Sorry did not change anything. The least they could do was get rid of the eggs.
Red held the Captain’s Handbook and ran their thumb over the pages. This stunt they were about to pull would cost them their career, but they didn’t want it. They wanted both their lives intact. This could never happen again.
Red had to grow up and be a cool space captain.
For once in their life, they were, and off the Handbook was sent. They watched through the window of the Storage Room as they failed their mission and sighed in relief. Purple had always been right about MIRA. Red just took a long time to learn things.
It’d be hard for them to face their boss. They had been conditioned to need Pink’s praise and approval. But Red wouldn’t give into them under pressure, not this time. That was the mark of a captain.
The emergency meeting alarm sounded, and Purple abandoned their task and ran to the Cafeteria.
They slammed their palms on the center table. “What?! What is it?! What’s wrong?!” they hyperventilated. If there was another problem with the ship and the two of them couldn’t fix it in time, they’d be toast!
Red pointed at them. “This is your captain speaking!” They moved their pointer towards the markers and printer pages strewn across a neighboring table and commanded, “Draw your crewsona!”
Purple squinted. “Huh?”
“Draw your crewsona!!” they repeated, whinier.
Purple was confounded. “I don’t get it— Is this a joke? Red, why would you call an emergency meeting for this?!”
“It got you here,” they answered as they took a seat and patted the one next to them. “And I have to look after my crew. Take a break, Purps.”
Cherry: *sees mulberry coming over and waves* hey berry!1!!!!1!1!! wanna go for a ride on my awesome spaceship that goes a bajillion lightyears a millisecond/??/?/???? its me space captain cherry!!!!1!11!!1!
Purple: I was about to tell you Engines are gonna run low soon, but okay. I’m bored out of my mind too.
Mulberry: *crosses arms* tch alright hotshot why dont you take us to werewolfmate planet
Purple: The lore is that Werewolfmate Planet has a whole bunch of moons. There’s at least a dozen full moons at any given point, that’s why it’s Werewolfmate Planet.
Red: I need to write this down on the worldbuilding sheet! Where did I put it?! Oh, it fell.
Purple: There isn’t even any room left on there! I can get you another one.
Red: Whatever do you mean? There’s a spot right here!
Purple: You’re going off the side! Look, now there’s marker on the control panel! You should really take one of Orange’s clipboards, it’s not like they need them anymore.
Red: Wow, marker on the control panel, they’re gonna be so mad. Haha.
Purple: I see your point.
Cherry: *adjusts hat in a cool way* heh i can take us there in no time!!!!!! a planet ive never been to before thats rare!!!!!!! any reason you have for going?????
Mulberry: *a mysterious shadow goes over mulberrys visor* theres ingredients growing there i have to gather for potions i need to make
Cherry: *gets excited* oh wizard quest!!!!! will you let me help???????
Mulberry: *smirks a little* if you insist
Cherry: *pumps fist* yes!!!!!!!!!! wizard quest space adventure!!!!!!2!2!2!!2
Mulberry: *gets on the spaceship* ok lets go
Cherry: *also gets on the spaceship and charts course to werewolfmate planet*
Purple: Woah, hey, make sure you don’t actually—
Red: I’m just pretending!
Purple: Well, be careful!
Cherry: *pilots awesomely and does epic barrel rolls and goes infinitely fast* weeeeeeeeee
Mulberry: *watches awestruck at the astonishing skill* wow……………
Cherry: *arrives in orbit of werewolfmate planet* were here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its beautiful look at all the moons i can already hear the howling!!!!!
Mulberry: *gets itchy and scratches hands*
Cherry: *notices* woah whats wrong with you are you ok??????
Mulberry: *lifts hands to show theyre harmless* dont worry about it i never told you but im half werewolfmate this is actually where i grew up
Cherry: *visor goes wide but not scared* thats so sick!!! does that mean youre one fourth wolfmate three fourths crewmate???
Mulberry: *nods* i dont do anything cool i just get minor allergic reactions
Red: no youre even cooler than me i want to land on your planet and meet your family are they as cool as you
Purple: yeah right nobodys cooler than you youre literally the coolest space captain in the universe