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Usually Buck had no issue falling asleep at the station. The first couple of months he spent falling asleep around other people definitely took an adjustment. He hadn’t shared a room with anyone since he dropped out of community college. Yet, he got into the rhythm of it pretty quickly. The days were so busy and the sleep hours so rare that by the time they got to lay down, Buck didn’t have time to think about Chimney’s snoring or Eddie’s constant shifting because he was too exhausted to keep himself away to care.
That was the case for most nights. Tonight, however, he was really struggling. It wasn’t that he was not tired. They were in the back half of a 72-hour shift that had been very busy on the front end. His body was sore and his brain was clouded by the fog of rest. After returning from their most recent call, Buck had showered the dust and grime off of his skin and threw on a loose station shirt and sweatpants before slipping into his bed in the bunk room. Technically, they didn’t really have designated beds, but Buck had mentally claimed one near the center of the room when he first started working and had stuck with it since. After a brief emotional meltdown over someone covering Hen’s shift taking his bed once, the team had made sure that Buck had access to the bed that he had claimed.
Tonight, he had slipped under the covers in his bed and plugged his phone in, scrolling through Instagram and text notifications while he waited for the rest of his team to follow to bed. It was easier for him to fall asleep when all of them were already in bed, rather than attempting to rest through the commotion of everyone settling. He replied to some dumb meme Eddie had sent to him over Instagram as his team filed into the room one by one.
A typical night consisted of Chim being the very first into the bunk room. Only showering and quickly brushing his teeth before crawling into his bunk and shutting his eyes even with the overhead lights still on. Then it was Buck, taking slightly longer to wash his hair due to the curls on his head. He only ever did a full curl routine in the silence of his own loft, however, so after getting out of the shower, he dressed, brushed his hair and teeth, and then crawled into bed himself. Around the same time came Hen. She typically spent more time after the shower moisturizing her face and settling for bed, but her showers took less time considering her buzz cut. Last every night came Eddie. Buck always teased him that it was because he liked to dance in the shower instead of actually cleaning himself, but Eddie would deny that until the day that he died. Once Eddie entered the room each night, he turned off the lights as he crawled into the bunk next to Buck’s. That’s when Buck would typically find himself heading to sleep.
Depending on the night, Bobby would either get into bed around the same time as Hen, or after all of them, due to working on reports from the day. Buck would never envy him for that. They didn’t get enough rest on shift as it was, taking more away from the time they did get made Buck cringe.
That being said, tonight was one of the nights where Bobby did join them in sleeping. He usually did towards the end of long shifts, which made sense considering that exhaustion tended to pile up. Buck was tapping through Instagram stories when Eddie finally entered the room, shutting the lights off behind him and he climbed into his bed. Buck set his phone face down on the bedside table and pulled the blanket up over his shoulder. He settled his body into the bed and let his eyes slip shut, waiting for exhaustion to take his mind. Usually, it only took a couple minutes before his mind was getting foggy and pulling him towards sleep. Tonight, he laid with his eyes closed for ten minutes. He shifted in bed, flipping onto his other side and sticking his foot out from under the blanket. He relaxed again. Another ten minutes passed. Nothing. Buck squinted his eyes open in the dark.
The only thing that turning on his left side had done for him was remind him that his ear had been hurting all weekend. It was nothing too painful, just enough to consistently annoy him. The dull ache he’d been experiencing since Friday reminded him of the times he was little and got ear infections from swimming too long at the beach when his parents took him and Maddie on vacation. He used to get them real bad as a kid to the point where his doctor recommended he get ear tubes to aid in his ears draining. His parents had gone through with the procedure and suddenly his ears were leaking like crazy. His parents always told the story that apparently he used to stick his fingers in his draining ears and eat whatever was coming out. Buck thought that was 100% a lie. Although it wasn’t too far off from the things he used to do as a kid.
He hadn’t done anything recently though that would have landed him with an ear infection. It wasn’t like he had been swimming or anything of the sort. He didn’t remember any recent calls where there had been a large amount of water. So his ear genuinely had no reason to be infected right now. The pain was killing him though. It would go from hardly noticeable to throbbing sharp waves of pain radiating through his ear canal and jaw. The ache was dull at the moment, pounding dully against his skull.
Buck sighed, rolling back over onto his right side to keep the pressure off of his left ear. Whatever warm goop was pooling in his ear slid back into his skull, causing a sharp pinch of pain. He held back a wince. He didn’t have time for this tonight. He needed to get sleep on this shift while he had the chance, especially considering it was the last stretch of a 72. Buck swung his legs over the side of his bed, wrestling his blankets to get out. He rubbed his temples as he quietly slipped out of the locker room and made his way to his locker where he had a bottle of Advil. He quickly took a pill, dry swallowing it down, before retreating back to bed.
He unplugged his phone from the charger and curled back up onto his right side. He told himself he would only doom-scroll for as long as it took for the medicine to kick in. Yet, an hour passed. Then two. His ear was still aching with that unpleasant sludgy feeling that had been present all weekend. The front of his skull was beginning to pound from the lack of sleep and staring into his phone in the dark. He couldn’t get comfortable. The bunkroom was too hot and he could feel sweat clinging to his skin beneath his sleep clothes. He put his phone back on the charger sometime around one in the morning. He was exhausted but his head was throbbing and his body was just restless enough that he couldn’t quite fall asleep.
He laid in his bed staring into the dark for hours. He cursed himself for having such awful insomnia on the rare occasion that there wasn’t a call interrupting every brief hour of sleep they got. Every minute that passed stressed him out farther for the tone that was bound to ring through the station at any moment. The increasing stress only fueled his inability to sleep creating a vicious cycle.
After tossing and turning enough that he was surprised to not have woken the whole bunk room, kicking all of his blankets on the floor, and placing his hand against the wood of the bed frame to ground himself, exhaustion finally overtook him around 4 am. Just as he suspected, not even a full hour after he had finally fallen asleep, he was jerked awake by the violent ringing of the tones. Buck resisted the urge to groan aloud as he forced himself out of bed with whatever speed he had in him. He quickly dressed himself into his turnouts alongside his teammates and climbed into the engine. He yawned as he sat down, wiping his eyes as they glossed over. It was going to be a long call.
He couldn’t have been more right. He spent the whole call half asleep going through the motions of a standard fender bender. His body was slow from the exhaustion. It didn’t affect his work at all, but mentally? It was so draining. He was beyond tired and he still felt like crap. His ear aching and his head pounding as he climbed back into the engine alongside Eddie. The younger man gave him a brief look of concern, but Buck shook it off. He didn’t have the energy to deal with Eddie fussing over him right now. He rested his head against the cold glass of the window, enjoying the way the cool glass pressed into his forehead.
The temporary pain relief was gladly received by Buck as he let his eyes slip shut. It was far too soon that he had to pull himself away from the cool glass to get out of the truck and drag himself back into the station. He was exhausted and now the sun was up. While the rest of his team would be drinking coffee and starting their days, he was ready to climb back into bed and try and sleep away whatever pain he was still feeling.
He watched his crew climb up the stairs as he himself slipped back into the bunk room and into his bed. The moment he crawled in bed, he already knew he wasn’t going to be able to get any sleep. His blanket was too hot against his flushed skin. He felt like a mess from the call, only having just now gotten out of his turnouts. His skin was dirty. He could feel it. He could feel the drying sweat crusting against his body.
He twisted underneath the sheets resisting the urge to scream. He needed to sleep and every moment he wasn’t sleeping only reminded him of the sleep that he was missing out on. He sat in the dark for another ten minutes, trying to force his brain to relax, it wouldn’t work.
He swallowed around the thick knot of tension in his throat and swung his feet over the edge of the bed, pulling himself up. He was just stressing himself out by lying down and getting in his head. If he wasn’t able to sleep, he at least needed to stop stressing himself out.
His socks slid along the tile floor as he made his way out of the bunk room. He squinted his eyes against the bright sunlight piercing his eyes. He held back a wince as the beam made his head throb. He looked away, moving towards the stairs and climbing up them. His legs ached beneath his weight.
He felt sick. He knew that he wasn’t. He knew he was just feeling crappy from the lack of sleep that he currently has. The logistics of it didn’t matter to his body though. He felt awful.
He entered the kitchen. Eddie and Hen were sitting on the couch, independently working on something. Chim was sitting at the kitchen table on his phone, likely talking to Maddie. Ravi was sitting beside him, looking about as tired as Buck felt at the moment. Bobby was moving around the kitchen, cooking something for breakfast. Buck wished that his body could work up enough of an appetite to be excited to eat whatever he was making.
Buck forced himself to move towards the table, plopping down in a chair and putting his hands against his face.
“Buck, you want to help me with breakfast? I could use some assistance with the veget-” Bobby cut off as he looked up. Buck looked awful. There were dark bags beneath his eyes and they were rimmed red. “Are you okay?” Bobby asked, diverting from his original question.
Buck looked up at Bobby. The captain was looking at him with concern. Buck wasn’t surprised. If someone looked half as miserable as he felt, he would be concerned himself. Buck nodded, ignoring the way his head spun.
“Yes.” He answered, “just didn’t sleep well.” At this point everyone in the room had their attention on him, which was not what Buck wanted to achieve from coming up here. He wanted to be distracted from how crappy he felt, not talk about it more.
“You don’t look just tired,” Hen commented. Buck tried not to let his frustration show. He didn’t want to give his friends an attitude because he was feeling crappy, but they weren’t making it easy to avoid doing so.
“i’m okay, I just need to get better sleep tonight once were off shift.”
He didn’t get good sleep the next night. Or the night after that. Every time he tried to put his head down his mind would start racing with every possibility that it could come up with. He was stressed about not getting enough sleep. His whole body was heavy with exhaustion. His eyes burned whenever he tried to focus on anything. Everything just felt so crappy.
Every part of him just wanted to keep laying in his bed, praying that sleep would finally catch up with him, but he promised Athena that he would come to her’s and Bobby’s for meatloaf tonight. He had spent the entire day telling himself that he would rest until he had to leave and feel okay enough to get through the night. The hours had passed without a moment of rest and suddenly it was 5:30 in the afternoon and he promised that he would be over at 6.
He peeled himself out of bed. The shower he took was only long enough to wash the grease from his hair. He dressed himself and brushed his teeth, trying to seem slightly more presentable.
The drive to Bobby and Athena’s was a blur. When he pulled into their driveway, he narrowly avoided hitting the back of Bobby’s truck with his car. He’s glad he didn’t considering telling his captain he crashed into his parked car would be pretty embarrassing.
He sighed in his front seat, trying to collect himself before turning off his jeep. He got out of the car, grabbing his keys and locking it, then making his way up to the front door. He briefly knocked before turning the door open and letting himself in. He wasn’t in the head space for another scolding from Athena about their doors always being open to him.
“Buck!” Athena smiled, “It’s great to see you!” She greeted him warmly as he stepped into the kitchen, placing his keys down on the counter.
“It’s great to see you too!” He replied, accepting her brief side hug, “thank you for inviting me!” Athena pulled back, flashing him that warm grin he had grown so used to. Buck looked over his shoulder as he heard footsteps to be met with Bobby re-entering the room.
“Hey, kid!” His captain greeted, “Have you had a good couple days off?”
Buck forced a smile, “Yes I have!” He tried not to think about the long hours he spent staring at his ceiling just praying that he could fall asleep. He never did.
“Are you sure?” Bobby asked him and Buck could already feel the strictly built walls starting to crumble at the simple question. “You’re looking a little rough still, kid.”
Part of Buck just wanted to start crying when the question was asked. He didn’t know the psychology behind while when someone checks up on you is it suddenly so much harder to hide the fact that something is wrong, but he hated it. He was beyond exhausted and he didn’t know how to rest when the last thing his head was allowing him to do was rest. Apparently his moments of hesitation in answering was all it took for Bobby and Athena to start catching on to the fact something was wrong and get worried.
“Buck…?” Athena hummed, taking a small step forwards. Buck wiped his eyes, desperately trying not to break out into exhausted sobs. He took a deep breath in, ignoring the sting in his throat.
“I- I’m just really tired,” Buck admitted, cringing at the tightness in his voice. Bobby’s frown deepened.
“When is the last time you slept?” His captain asked, setting down the seasonings he had brought onto the table. Buck shook his head, sniffling in through his nose.
“Before shift the other day-” his voice cracked as he said it. He could feel the week's worth of exhaustion breaking through. Buck wiped his eyes as tears began to build up. “I’m sorry-” Buck choked out. He was crying in the middle of Bobby and Athena’s kitchen when he was supposed to be was supposed to be keeping them company during dinner. It was embarrassing and annoying. How was he failing to sleep. It wasn’t like it was one difficult and impossible task.
“Oh Buckaroo,” Athena cooed, gently pulling him into a hug. Buck went willingly. He was hardly keeping himself up. His legs were about ready to give out beneath him. He was exhausted. When Athena’s arms pulled him in, warm and comforting, Buck melted.
Gosh, he was so so exhausted. He just wanted to sleep and he couldn’t. Athena hummed as she pulled him tighter and Buck felt Bobby’s hand land against his back, slowly rubbing circle between his shoulder blades. Buck sighed into the comfort and attention.
“Why don’t you just lay down, Buck,” Athena suggested, gently pulling back from him. Buck wanted to say no, but he didn’t. He was far too exhausted. He let Athena lead him to the guest room. Athena pulled back the sheets and let Buck slip into the bed. The moment he laid down, his eyes burned.
Bobby slid into the room a little behind Athena carrying a glass. Buck tilted his head at his captain as the man offered him the mug.
“Warm milk,” Bobby hummed, “always put me to sleep when I was younger.” Buck took the mug from him with a quiet thank you and he took a slow slip. The warmth eased down his through, increasing the heaviness behind his eyes. Athena sat on the edge of the bed, softly rubbing his ankle beneath the blankets as Buck took slow sips from the milk. Once he was satisfied with the warmth in his stomach as it slowly radiated through his whole body, he set the mug onto the bedside table and looked from Athena to Bobby.
“Thank you,” he whispered, his eyes beginning to drop. Athena squeezed his ankle gently.
“Of course, Buckaroo,” She soothed sweetly, “Have a good rest.” Buck’s eyes fluttered shut, his body slowly giving in to sleep.
“Goodnight, kid,” Bobby hummed, “Sleep well.”
Bobby and Athena stayed with him until his breaths were completely even and he was completely out. For the first time in a week, he was resting. With his Captain and Athena beside him, and that was all that mattered.