Archive of Our Own

It started with wine. Two glasses of wine.

Shane didn’t drink. He barely breathed during the season, let alone indulged in something the team doctor specifically advised against. Not all players adhered to the doctor’s orders, but Shane did. He always did. The moment Yuna saw the two glasses, perched on the coffee table beside a rumpled-up blanket, she knew that something had changed.

Lately, he’d been lighter, more relaxed. She’d assumed that the meditation retreat had been successful, but two glasses of wine? Sure, Montreal was on a four-win streak, but the scene in Shane’s living room wasn’t one of celebration. It was a date.

She was almost thankful that she’s teased Shane about helping clean his apartment, because it gave her an excuse to lift the glasses and inspect. No lipstick.

By the time Shane returned from the back bedroom, offering another rushed apology that he hadn’t had time to tidy up before picking them up, she’d already set the glasses in the sink. She considered asking who he’d had over, but held her tongue for now.

“Finally,” her husband stretched his arms above his head, “I think that was the busiest I’ve ever seen the airport.”

Yuna nodded along, pretending to listen. They’d been stuck behind a particularly tall and thoughtless couple who’d leaned all the way back for the duration of the flight. With insufficient room to rise from their plane seats, it was David’s need to use the bathroom that had brought them to Shane’s apartment. Now, Yuna was thankful for that tall couple.

Observing the room around her, she pressed her hands along the cool granite of the countertops. To the untrained eye, the apartment was immaculate. There were no shoes by the door and no keys on the hook. The floors were pristine and the baseboards swept clean. But Yuna knew her son.

A pillow on the loveseat was crushed flat. A napkin lay on the table outside its holder. It wasn’t a mess, or even a mistake; it was comfort. Shane no longer fluffed pillows as he walked by. Even now, as he clearly tried to rid the room of evidence, he forgot about it entirely.

Yuna raised her chin, “did you and Hayden celebrate last night?”

Shane didn’t look her way, “yeah,” occupied with lifting David’s bag from its place on the floor. Maybe he hadn’t lost all his high-strung tendencies yet. “He wanted some time away from the kids.”

Yuna hummed, knowing full well that Hayden didn’t drink red wine. “Did Jackie join you?” She asked. “I miss her. It’s been too long.”

“No. She’s been super busy.”

Shane made his way from the living room to the guest room, passing by the kitchen as he went. Yuna watched him trail away, until her eyes caught on the rest of the space behind them. Tucked along the counter behind their family photo was a can of Coca-Cola, almost hidden out of sight. Magnets dotted the fridge, bearing the names of cities Shane hadn’t played yet this season.

American.

Though she itched to elbow her husband and ask if he too noticed the differences, she came up short. Yuna liked to gather information before acting on it. She continued her observations, refraining from pointing out what appeared to be glaringly obvious changes.

Most suspiciously, the single decorative orchid which had served as the dining room table’s centerpiece for years had been replaced with a full boquet. The lilies were bright. Their glaring petals contrasted the rest of the stark-white room. Shane would never choose those. Not for himself. Clearly, he’d intended to give them as a gift.

He and this mystery girl must have been interrupted. For some reason, he’d shooed her away. She hadn’t even had time to grab the flowers. Yuna had half a mind to smack her son on the shoulder and tell him to be a better host—a better date—but did her best not to. After all, it was partly her fault. When they’d called Shane fifteen minutes before the plane landed, he’d been asleep. At ten in the morning!

Slowly but surely, Yuna put together the pieces. A red-wine-drinking, bouquet-enjoying American. It had to be Rose Landry.

Later, as they settled into the booth of their go-to restaurant in Montreal, Yuna indulged in her suspicions. She took advantage of the fact that Shane sat opposite them. She rested her elbows on the table and slid upwards in her browser, taking the opportunity to type in: Rose Landry news.

Shane had told them repeatedly they were just friends now. His expectations of himself had always been too high. Surely he was embarrassed to admit that he was in an on-again-off-again relationship. Yuna would let him keep quiet about it for now. There was no reason to make a big deal out of it.

As she scrolled through news articles, wondering in the back of her mind what it would mean to have Christmas in Michigan, she came to a halt. The headline took her by surprise. Rose Landry in Paris, the headline read, followed by a string of restaurant names she’d been spotted at. The dates of the photos were all the same: last night.

“What, there’s no new game to read about?” David chuckled beside her, “since when do you look at tabloids?”

She lowered her phone, more caught off-guard by the unexpected headlines than her husband’s statement. “I'm hip,” she shrugged. “I thought Rose was filming in Montreal,” she leaned against the table, settling her gaze on her son. “Are we not gonna be able to see her?”

“I’m pretty sure she’s in Europe somewhere.” Shane set his own phone to the side, screen down. “You know you’re only in town for a night, right? You won’t have time to catch up with everyone.”

“We’ve barely seen you this season. Maybe we should stay in town longer.”

David nodded, “one night isn’t long enough.”

“No,” Shane said too quickly, and then amended, “I’ve only got a couple more home games.” He leaned back in his seat, attempting to ease himself. Yuna held her tongue again.

She continued holding her tongue for the rest of the day. She said nothing when Shane refused the waiter’s offer of a glass of wine, stating he didn’t drink during the season. She said nothing when his phone buzzed for the fourth time since they’d been sitting here. She said nothing when the following day Shane was wide awake at six A.M., ready to take them to the airport.

For now, she’d let her son have some privacy. Of course, that didn’t stop her from settling into the plane and pulling out her notebook, where she made what would become the first of many lists.

Mystery Woman:

• Magnets - American?
• Red wine - doesn’t wear lipstick
• Flowers, lilies - for her?

The pattern of changes in Shane’s life and environment didn’t stop there. Even from afar, Yuna noticed them.

Shane had an easiness about him that wasn’t there before. His interviews were no longer forced and his time getting onto the ice no longer rushed. When she called him each night, he chattered on the same way he always did, talking about wanting to start a charity, wanting to switch up how he handled the media. They weren’t small topics, but the sense of anxiety that had hung in his voice since childhood was less audible. She couldn’t recall ever seeing her son so relaxed.

His first visit to the U.S. came quickly, third in the string of away-games. It had always been Yuna’s job to scroll through the news, but this time, she skipped past the headlines and searched eagerly for the sight of Shane interacting with any woman his age. She was sorely disappointed.

In her tiny green notepad, she scribbled off Detroit. It would soon be joined by Columbus and New Jersey. The changes to Shane continued, but the reason for them remained hidden.

Yuna kept on searching. Her daily routine was occupied with scouring the internet for any hints of a new relationship. She was supposed to be the most perceptive one in his life, so she wasn’t surprised that no one else had noticed what was going on with Shane, yet she was a little disappointed in the lack of gossip. There wasn’t a single rumor about a new girl.

His second to last away-game was in Boston. The never-ending rivalry gave Yuna a good reason to come to the game herself, but Shane had shooed her off, “I’ve got plans afterwards." Hearing this, Yuna had perked up, only to remember that his plans involved a puck-signing event rather than a date.

That evening, he was photographed at a hospital fundraiser along with a few other teammates, a very strategic display that for charity, the team was capable of setting aside their rivalry with the Bears. The image of Hayden and Shane standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Cliff Marlow and Ilya Rozanov was enough to keep ESPN occupied all day, and enough to clog up the feed and prevent Yuna from seeing anything else.

In the picture, Hayden looked miserable, smile stretched and false. Shane didn’t.

By the time the away-games were over, Yuna had spent weeks tormented by teasing hints of alterations to her son’s behavior. At the very beginning of her second visit to Montreal, she was reminded just how unusual it all was.

In the airport parking lot, they tossed their bags into the trunks and eagerly climbed into the backseat. Shane’s smile was loose. A new knickknack occupied his dashboard: a little bird bobbing back and forth as the engine rattled. When he took his place up front, plugging in his phone, they were immediately hit with a voice.

It startled Yuna so greatly that she smacked her skull against the headrest. “Ooh,” she raised a hand to the back of her hair.

“Sorry about that.” The volume cut out.

From the backseat, David was quick to point out, “what’s this, German? You going for trilingual now?”

“He’s always been an overachiever.” Yuna shrugged, though she also found it unusual.

Shane had always had a penchant for learning new things, but those things almost always revolved around hockey. He learned about the history, the culture—anything and everything to do with the sport. For someone so obsessed with the game, it was a little out of place that he’d suddenly pick up a new interest.

“I’m trying something new.”

“Why not Japanese?”

“All those lessons in grade school and you can barely introduce yourself.”

Shane clicked his tongue, “yeah, yeah,” and tapped along his phone screen before turning the volume back up. “Maybe you can teach me while you’re here, since you want to stay forever.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

Shane’s away-games had lasted two full weeks, long enough that Yuna could use missing her son as an excuse to stay for more than one night. He’d done a good job pretending not to be annoyed about it over the phone, but now, there was a slight prickle to his voice. His apartment was full of hints as to why.

When they first arrived, setting their bags down and stretching their legs, Yuna trailed around the room. She eyed the bookshelf, where Cyrillic text lined the spines of a few new editions. The pillows were neat and the wine glasses on the shelf. There were no signs that someone had been there. It wasn’t shocking considering there’d only been one practice since he’d gotten back. Still, she swept her gaze back and forth, feigning nonchalance as she scanned the room for any changes.

The magnet collection had grown ever so slightly. Yuna would’ve liked to feign interest in the decór of her son’s kitchen as an excuse to note which cities had been added, but the new ones didn’t bear the names of any places. One read ‘shell yeah!’ beside a clay imprint of a turtle. Another said ‘it’s five o’clock somewhere’ beneath a printed mug. There were no baguettes or grapes—no sign that Rose Landry had visited since her trip to Paris, but it was abundantly clear that Shane hadn’t gotten them for himself.

Someone was giving him magnets. Someone was pushing him out of his comfort zone, encouraging him to try new things, like learning new languages and drinking red wine. All of the signs suggested that it was more than just a date, but Yuna tried to be open-minded.

She knew well enough that hockey players had a reputation. Her son had never been the kind to date around, but that could’ve changed. Maybe his aversion to talking about a mystery woman was due to the fact that there was more than one. The thought irked her. She’d always hoped he’d find someone nice to settle down with.

It was over the course of the afternoon that her thinking began to shift. The constant pinging of Shane’s phone could’ve been from more than one person. The sudden appearance of vodka in his freezer and a too-big sweatshirt laid across his bed could’ve hinted that he had a new affinity for relaxation rather than a relationship. But the Russian along the bottle’s label seemed more than a coincidence, and the indent along the mattress indicated that he’d taken to choosing one side of the bed.

Before they headed out for dinner, she was sure to add it all to her list, which had already grown over the past few weeks:

Mystery Woman:

• Magnets - American?
• Red wine - doesn’t wear lipstick
• Flowers, lilies - for her?
• Flamin’ Hot Snacks - terrible taste, likes junk food
• Charge @ Jewelers - wears necklaces, prefers gold
• Detroit
• Smiling more - makes him happy
• No more locker room interviews - jealous? doesn’t want him shirtless in front of cameras?
• Columbus
• Charge @ flower shop, lilies - definitely for her
• Fast & Furious - likes action movies
• New Jersey
• Language lessons - getting him to try new things
• Vodka - likes top-shelf liquor
• Bed - sleeps on the left

She wasn’t sure how helpful it’d be, but she couldn’t stop from gathering clues. Whether or not a woman really existed, she needed to be prepared.

What broke the dam was a single muttered comment from Hayden, a simple: “when’re you two gonna make it official?”

Walking up to the restaurant, Yuna bristled. Shane and Hayden leaned against the side of the building. They clearly had no idea that she and David had approached, because when Yuna asked “make what official?” Shane nearly jumped out of his shoes.

“Nothing,” he sputtered out, slipping his phone back into his pocket. Moments before, he’d loomed over it with a wide smile. Turning on his heel, he reached for the slender handle of the restaurant doors, “are we gonna eat?”

Yuna knew better than to drop it. As they settled into the booth, thanking the waiter, she eagerly awaited the opportunity to pry. “I know it’s not Rose Landry,” she noted, and Shane’s face flickered with confusion. “So who are you going to make it official with?”

HIs mouth fell open. It was Hayden who replied, palms open apologetically. “My bad.” He exchanged a glance with Shane, who looked like he wanted to smack him.

“It’s nothing,” Shane sulked. He reached forward for his water glass, forgetting it had yet to be filled. Yuna watched intently as he discarded the glass, instead running his hands over his pant legs.

At this, David made a sound of interest. He looked Yuna’s way. “You were right.” She pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. “Your mother,” he rested his elbows on the clothed table, “has gotten in her head that you’ve got a girl you’re not telling us about.”

Hayden made a face. Shane glared. “It’s not like that.”

Hayden hummed, and his voice became high-pitched, “well—“

“Can we not talk about this?” Now Shane’s voice came out a little snippier. “I’m not in the mood. J.J.’s injured and practice was hell today.”

“It’s not like we’ll need him tomorrow,” Hayden rolled his eyes. “It’s just Washington.”

“Yeah, that’s why we can’t lose.”

Jaw set, Yuna shook her head. No way was Shane concerned about losing to one of the worst teams out there. She gave a little shrug and let him go on anyway. If he’d rather talk about hockey, fine. She’s allow it.

The night was spent with easier conversation, though Shane didn’t seem as light as before.

By the time they left the restaurant and headed back to the apartment, she was sure she’d ruined any chance at finding out more. So, swallowing her pride and focusing on her concern for her son, she perched in the backseat and lamented, “I didn’t mean to pry earlier,” even though she had. Yuna was never afraid to pry. She just hadn’t expected him to be so bothered by it.

“It’s fine,” Shane lied in return. His hands gripped the steering wheel too tightly.

They didn’t say anything else about it for the rest of the night.

It took another month before David finally got onboard. For him, the signs had to be a lot more obvious.

Though he’d always accepted that his wife had insights he could never dream of, he’d first suspected it was her nosiness that had brought on the situation. By the time that Shane’s Bluetooth accidentally connected to their car instead of Shane’s, he had to admit the evidence was damning. It didn’t matter that the call from Lily had come and disappeared without being answered. The existence of a heart beside her name was enough to convince David.

“Our son has a girlfriend,” he muttered, “again.” Pulling onto the road, he settled his hands on the steering wheel and let out a deep breath.

None of it sat right with him. Shane had never been one for girls. He was shy, yes, but it was more than that. His whole life, it’d seemed like more of an aversion. He was nothing like David was growing up. With each passing day, David grew more discouraged that his son had yet to accept it. Each new sign of a new woman in his life made his heart sink.

Yuna, on the other hand, was eager to catch any glimpse of Shane’s personal life, which he’d always kept to himself. She was his mother after all. If she couldn’t get the information directly from him, she’d find a way. “We can’t tease him about or he’ll shut us out again.” Their second game against Ottawa this season was the most ideal opportunity to visit during his latest string of away-games and Yuna didn’t want to make Shane regret letting them drive up.

“What, are we supposed to pretend we don’t know?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

“What if it’s another movie star? That’s gonna be hard to ignore.” David could recall the unfathomably stark increase in paparazzi that had appeared in their life the last time this happened. The last thing Shane needed was more eyes on him.

Clicking her tongue, “a movie star?” Yuna shook her head. “If it was, I’d know about it.”

“We didn’t even know her name until now.”

“And you didn’t believe me until now!” Gesturing to the dashboard, where the name had sat a few minutes earlier, Yuna narrowed her eyes, “I told you he had a girlfriend! Those magnets—“

“You sound like a conspiracy theorist.”

“I am a mother who knows her son.” Leaning back in her seat, Yuna eyed the car before them, Shane’s sensible sedan. It was more weathered than it had been last season, like he’d been taking longer drives. “This one’s different. I can feel it.”

David only grunted.

As they arrived at their hotel, which was across the street from Shane’s, he was reluctant to grab his bags. He wanted much more to grab his son’s shoulders and shake some sense into him. Instead, he opened the trunk and retrieved their bags, following along after his wife.

The sky was dark. They’d arrived to the city late because Shane wasn’t set to leave the practice facility until nine. David wished he could go to bed and forget about it all. He wasn’t looking forward to another dinner of Yuna trying to discreetly pry information out of their son.

He would’ve liked if there were no more signs. There didn’t need to be. Obviously Shane had a girlfriend. Some ‘Lily’ he must’ve met at the gym or a coffee shop. Maybe one of the nurses from his hospital stay last season. He was sure Yuna would look up their names to confirm.

David would’ve preferred to ignore it altogether, waiting for it to pass like he had with Rose Landry, but in the single night they spent in Ottawa, it became increasingly difficult to ignore it.

Shane left dinner to call a ‘friend’ in another timezone. Yuna nodded like nothing was wrong, but then furiously searched the internet for any woman named ‘Lily’ on the East Coast of the U.S.. There were too many to count. Regardless, she filled her camera roll with screenshots of any and every ‘Lily’ Shane followed. She seemed to forget the she was the one largely running his Instagram account.

While they Shane paced outside the restaurant, visible through the doors, Yuna elbowed her husband. “Did you hear him say he tried Korean barbecue for the first time? That’s not a meal you eat alone.”

“It’s not a meal you eat on a date either.” No two people could possible eat that much.

“I’m just saying she’s got him trying new things.”

David sighed. “He does seem serious about her. And he’s been happier lately.” As he walked about the sidewalk, a huge smile stretched across Shane’s face. Fine. Maybe David should come to terms with this. He didn’t have to understand it, but if it kept Shane smiling, everything would be alright.

The second sign of the night was also the last, but confirmed anything and everything beyond their suspicions. It came in the form of a text, which David was thankful he didn’t have to see for himself. The restaurant in the hotel lobby was packed full enough that Shane’s attempts to hold his phone away from his parents only left it facing his teammates, who walked by and remarked “nice.” J.J. whistled.

They all pretended not to hear it. For Shane, David had done a lot of pretending in his lifetime.

Still, at the end of the night, he joined his wife on the hotel bed and helped with her searches. “He didn’t have a Vegas magnet,” he noted, helping her narrow it down. “Check Florida. That’s where all the turtles are.”

After that day, the list had a new name at the top.

Mystery Woman: Lily:

Yuna grew less determined to find the source of all the changes and more determined to show her support.

If Shane wanted privacy, she’d at least try to give him that, but she was still concerned when he decided on another meditation retreat during the off-season. Montreal hadn’t won the cup, and this time, there was no injury to blame. Maybe meditation would help, but Yuna was sure that being alone wouldn’t.

He didn’t seem upset about the break. He cursed like hell after the last game of the playoffs, but the following day, brightened up at the prospect of a whole month at the cottage. His good mood made it even harder to accept the idea that he’d be alone. How could someone look forward to that?

Shane planned to have a few dinners at their house, but for the most part, deemed it a time for relaxation. Even before the break started, Yuna knew she wouldn’t be able to respect the boundary. “He’ll lose his mind if he’s alone for that long,” she scoffed, lying back against the sofa. Their house was only a few kilometers from the cottage, but David wasn’t going to let her barge in yet. It was the sixth day of the break.

“It’s not like he’s actually gonna be holed up there the whole time,” David laughed. Of course he wasn’t fine with the planned isolation, but he had a different picture of what the Summer would be like. “He’s probably tired of all the cameras in his face. Give him a break.”

“He can have a week.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Tomorrow I’m dragging him to the market. I bet he’s gonna try and live off salmon the whole summer. He’ll turn pink!”

“I’m pretty sure our adult son can go grocery shopping without us.”

“David, he’s going through a lot.” She listed, “his team got knocked out off the playoffs and he’s hung up on some American girl who’s probably on a beach in Miami right now.” She heaved her shoulders, “he can’t be alone. Seven days is too much.”

The following afternoon, she was determined to follow through with the threat. David held her off for as long as he could. The sun was already slinking down along the horizon by the time she made her way to the car. The gravelly road buzzed against the tires. Trees passed by in a daze. Yuna ignored it all. She could only picture her son sitting cross-legged on the dock, all alone as nighttime sank in.

After a moment, Yuna felt her husband’s gaze. “We’ll be as unintrusive as possible,” she defended herself. She was tired of being talked out of it. David wanted to go too! She swore he was only saying no to make himself look better. “If he doesn’t want to go to the market, I’ll drop off food tomorrow.”

“I don’t think stopping by two days in a row is unintrusive.”

“It is when my son is sitting alone in the middle of nowhere.”

Her husband laughed, “he’s in a four-bedroom house, not on a deserted island.”

Yuna only felt better when they finally walked up to the cottage. Shane’s car sat in the driveway, sizzling under the summer sun. The heat waves were visible as they passed it by. He must not’ve left in days.

They faced the tall glass door for a few moments, only attempting to knock twice before David shrugged, “we should have called.”

Pressing down on the door handle, “then he’d tell us not to come over,” Yuna let herself in. She called through the gaping entryway to no reply.

Upon entering, the house was empty. Shoes were tucked into the closet, but a heap of jackets remained on the hook. The material was too thick for this weather. Yuna frowned. Saying Shane’s name again, David hollered out a few apologies for their sudden appearance. Nothing came in return.

Stalking to the far end of the room, Yuna trailed down the couple of steps leading into the sunken living room. While there were no signs of life, there were many signs that this was not a meditation retreat. The television, still on, showed the home screen of a video game. A few controllers littered the couch, along with a rumpled blanket.

David chuckled, “meditation retreat my ass,” and stepped into the kitchen. He threw open the fridge and confirmed, "only salmon.” Yuna crossed her arms over her chest.

“Why would he tell us he’s meditating? He’s playing video games.”

“He’s in his twenties. We should be glad he’s not actually spending a month in silence.” Closing over the fridge door, David let out a sigh.

Yuna turned, ready to tout about how she was still right to force her way into the house, when she came to a halt. The stainless steel doors of the fridge were dotted with magnets. There were only a few, and Yuna was too far away to read them, but something about it put her on edge. Had the mystery girl been here, or was Shane really serious enough about her that he’d bring the magnets all the way to Ottawa?

A laugh echoed out from behind them, far off in the distance. The peace and silence of the cottage allowed for it to be heard.

They both turned to face out of the glass doors. At the very end of the dock, Shane emerged from the water. His swim trunks were dripping wet and his hair stuck to his forehead. Towels lay discarded at his feet. Two. He faced towards the house, but clearly didn’t see them, thoroughly distracted by the man who stood before him.

A tall and blondish head blocked the sight of her son. Yuna made a noise of interest, and would’ve said something if her breath weren’t taken away just as quickly.

Dripping wet and reaching out with huge arms, the stranger took his hands and placed them at Shane’s chest. One slipped upwards, sliding along Shane’s jaw to draw him forward in a kiss. Their laughter echoed across the water when they pulled away, exchanging a few words that Yuna didn’t catch. She was too distracted when the stranger leaned in again, sliding his hands down Shane’s body and repeating the process.

The hands trailed downward. Yuna looked away. “Oh my god,” a voice sounded. She didn’t realize it was her own.

Stepping forward, “what’s—“ David cut himself off. He repeated her words.

For a moment, they were stuck there. Shane was at the farthest end of the dock, nearly ought of sight. They couldn’t make out his face or his words, but it was abundantly clear from the echo of happy chatter that even though the moment radiated harmony, this was far from meditation.

It came again, “oh my god,” and Yuna fumbled back. Her calf hit the edge of the couch. Her palms slipped up to her forehead and her voice came out a whisper. “It’s a man.”

The cover of every parenting book she’d ever read flashed before her eyes, but their words escaped her. She’d long ago stopped following blogs, stopped worrying over how to raise her son right. How could she concern herself with what was ultimately the past? Shane had grown up well. But as her head flickered to face the outside once more, a shuddering feeling took her: I’ve made a huge mistake.

“Why wouldn’t he tell us?” She fumbled out, “what do we—“

“Shit!” David ducked down, “he saw me.”

“What’re you doing? Don’t hide!”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“You’re hunched over like a lunatic!”

Lurching upright, a string of curses left his mouth. His wide eyes swept across the room as if searching for the exit. “I told you we shouldn’t have come here.”

“You wanted to check on him just as much as I did!” She stepped back from the doors, fighting the urge to flee. She was the cause of the problem. She couldn’t just run away from it. She yanked on her husband’s arm as he stepped back towards the front door. “We can’t go. He saw us!”

“He asked to be alone this week,” he pointed out towards the patio doors, “now we know why.” Yuna’s stomach sank. David continued flailing his hands behind them, “this’s probably hard enough on him as it is. We should give him the space to—“

“Mom? Dad?”

Shane’s shuddering voice suddenly filled the house. Yuna went still. David scrambled upright, mouth falling open. The glass doors slid left and right and their son stepped inside, still dripping wet. His hair was tousled and the side of his torso bore a few scratches. A dark mark stretched along his neck, just above his collarbone. Yuna’s eyes went wide. Shit.

“We wanted to take you grocery shopping,” David blurted out. “We didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Despite herself, Yuna nodded and stepped towards her husband, giving her son room. “We can—“

“I’m gay.” Shane breathed, then added, “obviously.” He flicked a hand behind him, gesturing to the dock. “I know you saw.”

The air stilled. Yuna wasn’t sure where it came from, but she said, “that’s okay,” as if it wasn’t obvious. “That’s—we didn’t mean to—we shouldn’t have barged in.” She blinked away the panic from her eyes. It was an unfamiliar feeling. Yuna Hollander didn’t panic. “I was worried about you bring alone,” it seemed fair enough to admit that now. Her voice faltered, “but you… aren’t alone.”

They stared at one another for a moment. Shane’s eyes flickered between his parents. His hands shook. Yuna could see the physical toll it took for him to admit, “yeah, I’m here with my boyfriend.” His jaw worked when he finished speaking. A few seconds passed before he amended, “I wanted to tell you, but I—“

“—it’s okay—“

“—kind of been a lot.” Shane shifted. Water dripped from his hair and his swim trunks. Droplets landed on the hardwood floors. He made no move to stop them. He’d left his towel outside. “I, uh—“ he sucked in a huge breath, like it was hard for him to say, “can we sit? For a minute? I can’t—I can’t have this conversation standing. I’m gonna fall over.”

David was the first to obey. At first, Yuna’s feet wouldn’t move.

An awkwardness which had never once accompanied their family followed them all the way to the table. Shane’s glossy eyes searched over the pair. Yuna was tempted to fumble out with reassurances. She wanted to tell him it was alright, that she loved him. More than that, she wanted to apologize for a million and one things, but Shane beat her to it.

“I'm sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Honey, you do not have to apologize.”

“I wanted to tell you, but it’s complicated, obviously.” The words came gushing out, about the season, about the pressure, and though Yuna would remember them for the rest of her life—they’d regularly haunt her dreams from then on—she could hardly pay attention.

I did this to him.

She clamped down on the urge to apologize. Tears filled her eyes and matching ones arose in Shane’s.

They spoke for what seemed like both far too long and not enough time. She had a thousand questions and the tip of her tongue and a thousand more assurances to offer. She vowed the moment that Shane breathed instead of gushed, she’d do what she should’ve instantly done and tell him she was sorry. She was sorry for making him feel afraid, for making him feel like he couldn’t tell them. She was sorry for every moment he must’ve spent feeling alone, and that it’d taken her this long to worry about it.

Sniffles echoed out from his side of the table. Yuna swirled with fears and worries, everything that must’ve been on Shane’s mind for years. All she could do was grip his hand. “I love you so much,” she said, voice shaking as much as Shane’s palms. “I love you so much, and I am so sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me.”

“Mom—“

“There is nothing that could make me think differently of you.” The tears were falling now. They ran from her cheek and pooled in the material of her neckline, which by now was thoroughly damp. “Nothing.”

“It wasn’t that,” Shane breathed, “it was everything else. My whole life.” He sniffled again. He blinked hard. “I just wanted… peace.” He passed a look over his shoulder, shaking his head, “I love him. I wanted a summer with him.”

Yuna’s heart swelled, though the tears didn’t stop. She nodded, forcing herself to follow his gaze. Honestly, despite all the time she’d spent digging around to find this mystery girl—mystery man—she didn’t give a shit about it now. All she wanted was to hold her son’s hand. But she forced herself to smile, “is he coming inside?”

Beside her, David gave an awkward laugh, “we didn’t mean to scare him off.”

“He’s grabbing the canoe. It was floating away when—“ Shane cut himself off, and had to gather the courage to acknowledge, “when you showed up.” He passed an strained look between them, “you guys’re handling this better than I thought you would.”

Yuna bristled. The words hit her like a truck.

It was a kind of hurt she’d never experienced before, the kind that came only with having her deepest failures as a parent thrown in her face. The most defensive parts of herself wanted to demand how exactly Shane thought they’d react to knowing he was gay, but she held her tongue.

I did this to him.

Sitting forward and speaking up, David felt his wife’s dismay, and bulldozed over it for the good of their son. “We’d like to meet him.” He supplied, struggling to keep his voice steady. He looked over to Yuna, with a lightness in his tone which was entirely fake. “I’m sure we’re both curious what kind of person you could feel so strongly about.”

Shane’s eyes widened. It took him a moment to stutter out, “you didn’t… see?”

“Well,” David’s mouth fell open, and he glanced to Yuna for direction, unsure what Shane meant. “We saw him… with you.”

The awkwardness returned, though entirely one-sided. David wasn’t sure how to label what it was they’d seen. It seemed childish to say ‘I saw you kissing’. Shane had always been shy. He probably wouldn’t appreciate having that pointed out.

Shifting forward in her seat, Yuna did her best to mirror her husband’s straightforwardness. “How did you meet him?” She’d had the questions prepared since the moment she’d seen the two wine glasses at Shane’s apartment all those months ago. They were currently written in a list in her notebook. She wished she’d brought it with her.

For some reason, the question didn’t seem to sit well with Shane. His mouth hung open and his eyes were wide. The fear that had slowly shed over the course of their conversation came back with full force. She watched it settle behind his gaze. They stared for a while. Yuna was so taken aback by his wordlessness that she barely noticed when movement rustled outside the patio door. When it opened, she almost didn’t look away from her son, until David drew in a breath.

Standing in a similar state to Shane, covered in water droplets and full of uncertainty, was Ilya Rozanov. Yuna’s heart skipped a beat.

She couldn’t recall if she’d ever actually met him before or if she’d watched enough videos to be familiar with him. She wasn’t surprised by his shirtlessness. He was rarely fully dressed for interviews. His obnoxious bear tattoo poked out from behind the towel thrown over his shoulder. A chain dangled around his neck and another tattoo spread across his leg.

From his hardened abdomen to his rugged facial features, he bore all the signs of being an athlete, yet looked less like the man Yuna had built him up to be in her head and more like a kid. Usually it was hard to remember he was the same age as Shane, but now, it was clear as day. He wore an hesitant, boxy smile as an attempt to be polite. He lifted his chin and muttered, “hello,” while his attention flickered to their son.

“Rozanov?” The name came before she could stop it. Yuna had half a mind to ask what he was doing here, but the answer occurred to her quickly.

“Ilya,” he corrected, glancing over to Shane.

They stood for another moment before he stepped towards the table. Only now did Shane think to make an introduction. “Ilya, these are my parents, Yuna and David. They, uh, wanted to stop by,” he was clearly fighting the urge to shrink backwards, lifting his chin as he stated, “Mom, Dad, this is Ilya. He’s my boyfriend.”

Rozanov greeted them again, sliding into the chair beside Shane. He landed with a thud. Yuna wondered if he was careless or if nerves had led to clumsiness. Rozanov kept his hands in his lap. “I am here for the summer,” he said when no one else spoke. Another moment of silence passed. “Is good to meet you.”

“Well,” David cleared his throat. He glanced Yuna’s way. Words continued to fail her. “This isn’t quite what we were expecting,” David tried, “but it’s nice to meet you, Ilya. I don’t think we’ve ever… actually met.” He gave one more look his wife’s way, and decided it’d be better to force the conversation onwards, “am I saying that right? Ilya?”

The Russian man nodded, “yes,” but a hand landed on his arm. As Rozanov shrunk back awkwardly, Shane corrected his parents, chin lifted.

Sucking in a breath, Yuna realized aloud, “the Russian.”

It’d been everywhere in his apartment and his car. Those podcasts weren’t him branching out. Those books hadn’t been there before. She sat forward in her chair, blinking profusely. She’d thought it was an American girl Shane was caught up on, but she was wrong about both things.

Shane’s eyes went wide. “Yes,” he gritted out, “Ilya is Russian.” Beside him, Ilya looked her way awkwardly.

Yuna scoffed, “no! I mean those Russian lessons. The podcasts or whatever you call them.” Her gaze swept between the two boys. “You’ve been learning it because of him.”

The shyness seeped away from Rozanov’s expression. He smiled at Shane, but spoke only to his parents, “he is getting better.” There was a kind of contentedness in the statement. Yuna was a little shocked that neither of them denied it. Shane was learning Russian for his biggest rival?

Shane gave a dry laugh, “I can barely order at a restaurant.”

“Yes, but you are good at everything. I like when you actually have to try.”

The boys smiled at one another. Yuna’s mouth fell open. It was beyond strange. The pair had never once interacted out of anything other than obligation. How the hell could this have happened? How could it have started, let alone continued?

When she learned, about twenty minutes through their increasingly unbelievable conversation, that it had been years, she put her head in her hands. All her previous ramblings about being sure there was a woman in Shane’s life were equally disproved and validated by the exchange.

“Last summer,” she murmured to her son, “you were so different. You’ve been relaxed.” She turned around to gesture to the kitchen, “you drink wine, you have magnets on your fridge and toys on your dashboard.” It didn’t make sense that she could’ve only noticed then. “You’ve been in love all this time?”

Sputtering out, “no, no,” the boys seemed to agree on this. Shane shifted in his seat, glancing over towards the fridge with a shrug, “Ilya started collecting the magnets this season. He sends one over from every city he plays in.”

Ilya grinned, “yet he will not put up Bears magnet.”

“I’m never putting that up. Not in a million years.”

“I buy out of love. Is very cute bear, not scary bear.”

“Fuck off.”

Turning back to face the table, Shane attempted to level his expression. He failed miserably. A warmth remained on his cheeks that Yuna couldn’t recall ever having observed before.

It was strange to see him fight the instinct to smile and laugh. Normally, it was the other way around. After a lifetime of watching her son struggle with his emotions, holding them in until they came spilling over, seeing him like this was completely foreign.

“You’re really in love.” The words came out with all the shock she felt.

Shane squirmed slightly, but found no shame in admitting, “I am.” At his side, Ilya smiled, and replied that he was too.

They sat there for a moment, basking in the suddenness and the unexpectedness of it all. Yuna’s head swarmed with thoughts of her son in grade school, coming home red-faced and dejected after getting teased. This was the opposite. He hadn’t beamed like this since he’d scored his very first goal. Even getting drafted hadn’t made him so happy.

Beside her, David pressed a hand into his face. It did nothing to cover his grin. He looked over to Yuna and teased, “you thought it was Rose Landry.”

Stiffening, Yuna scoffed, sending him a look that said ‘really? you’re going to do this now?’ “I knew it was someone,” she insisted, pointing to the ‘someone’ across the table.

Shane rolled his eyes, “Rose and I are just friends.” Rozanov made a face.

The words fell on deaf ears. Yuna faced her husband, mouth hanging open in dismay. “You were the one who was worried about it being a movie star.” He had no right to pretend he wasn’t just as nosy as she was. It’d been David who suggested she start writing down all her lists in the first place. “You said he was serious about her!”

David clicked his tongue, “yeah, ‘cause he was giggling down at his phone.” Shane’s mouth opened to deny it, but David didn’t let him get the chance. “He blushes at every text.” He glanced Ilya’s way, grunting, “I’m assuming you’re ‘Lily’.” He made air quotes as he spoke.

“No, no, no,” Yuna raised a finger to stop him, “you were just as interested in finding out as—“

“—googling every night—“

“—clearly seeing someone. He’d never eat barbecue or drink wine on his own. I know my son and—”

“I’m right here,” Shane gaped. His eyes passed between his parents, “what, is this some mystery you’ve been trying to solve?”

“Trying and failing, apparently.” Yuna shook her head, attempting to gather her thoughts. This was not the time or the place to reflect on that. “You were so happy! I wanted to know what changed.”

Shifting forward in his seat, a smile of pure delight crossed Rozanov’s face. In all the interviews she’d ever watched, Yuna had never seen anything like it. “You are happy?” He faced Shane full-on. To Yuna’s shock, instead of teasing him, which it appeared the boys did very regularly, he slid a hand out across Shane’s. “I am happy too.”

The statement caught Yuna off guard, but as she watched the pair look at one another, it became increasingly obvious that it was true. Her son was in love.

She couldn’t wait to go home and brag about being right, at least about that part.