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High School reunions are not Jake’s thing, not something the self-proclaimed best detective in all of Brooklyn would be into. But here he is, outside the high school cafeteria, where the reunion is being held, deliberating if this is all worth it. If having his mom--and Boyle-- off his back for a few weeks is worth the boring night he’s about to experience.
Probably not, but his mother--and Boyle-- had been bugging him about dating and about how work is not the most important thing in the world. And about how he should be out ‘experiencing the world’ and ‘spreading both his seed and his legs’. (Boyle had said that one)
And they had been dropping a lot of hints, not all them exactly subtle. For example, Boyle had ‘casually’ brought his friend Bernice to their weekly lunch and then--what a shame! Boyle had to leave. Sure, Bernice was nice but ten minutes into lunch she started crying about her ex-girlfriend and then the rest of the lunch was spent with him consoling her.
It was not fun.
The truth is, he doesn’t really want to see anyone from high school but he especially does not want to see one specific person. The one girl whom he loved since maybe eighth grade and the one to whom he had probably confessed his love the day of her wedding but honestly, no biggie, no biggie. It happens right?
And, okay, maybe if you also thought she loved you back because, okay, she did climb through your window the night before her wedding, so you lay everything on the line, only to have her tell you that it was just cold feet. That it was just her being scared and that honestly, it meant nothing.
Jake couldn’t and didn’t hold it against her. She owed him nothing. So, he had put on a brave face, shook Teddy’s hand after the wedding, then got really drunk and took one of her cousins home.
But, that was ten years ago.
That was before Sophia, before the engagement and before the breaking of said engagement.
That was a very long story and not a very good one. Now, its ten years later and he’s not ready to face Amy. He hadn’t seen her since then. He thought that it was better to just cut her off completely so he didn’t have to feel his heart break every time he looked at her.
“Hey, man. You coming in?” Jake jumps and nods, clearing his throat.
“Yeah, sorry.” He takes one deep breath and then he’s inside, a little overwhelmed by the loud music and the flashing lights. The first person he sees is Gina, because, obviously, she’s wearing the brightest color and dancing wildly on the dance floor. The next person he sees is Rosa, who spots him and waves him over. She’s leaning against the wall, wearing a small smirk as Gina makes the dancefloor hers.
“That’s still going on?” he says as a greeting, referencing the on-again, off-again relationship that Gina and Rosa had.
It was kind of a mess.
“Off right now.” she says.
“Ah.” he replies, not at all surprised. His eyes go around the room, trying to scrounge out more people he may know. And he does. Hitchcock and Scully, the inseparable duo, are hounding the food, barely letting anyone else get any. Terry is sitting with his very pregnant wife, listening intently as she speaks.
“She’s not here.” Rosa says and Jake jumps.
“What?” he asks, faking nonchalance. Rosa raises her eyebrows. “Fine.” he sighs.
“She’s coming though.” she says. “Her mom didn’t stop bothering her about it.”
“Why?” he asks but doesn’t get his answer because, there she is, walking in. She’s wearing a plum dress, wide eyed and staring around the room. She looks just as she did years ago when she held his eyes as she climbed into the limo with Teddy, the last time he saw her. She catches his eyes and he tries to look away but doesn’t or maybe he can’t.
She swallows thickly from her place at the door as people bustle around her and then she turns away from him and walks in the opposite way, towards her friend Kylie, who waves her over from the corner table.
“God, get a room.” Gina says as she sidles on over. She brushes her hair back with one hand, pushing her sweaty bangs to the side. Rosa grins beside her and wraps her arm around her waist. Jake guesses that the little game between them will be on again by the end of the night.
“I wonder why Teddy didn’t come with her.” he asks. Rosa and Gina exchange a look but Jake is too busy staring at Amy to notice. “It’s so strange.”
“Yeah, strange.” Rosa agrees sarcastically.
As he stares, he’s thrown back to that night when she climbed through his fire escape. It was nearly three am and he awoke to the sound of footsteps. He awoke to her sitting by his bed side. After the initial scare, they talked for hours and then she leaned in and told him that she didn’t want to marry Teddy.
The revelation shocked him. Here she was, a few hours before her wedding, in his bedroom, telling him that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to spend the rest of her life with the guy she was going to marry in the morning. He didn’t ask her any questions.Instead, he made her some hot cocoa and let his mind go crazy as she drank it quietly. Afterwards, they went back to bed,after some coaxing from her, she lay next to him, at a comfortable distance.
They stared at each other in the dark and somehow, she wrapped herself closer to him. It was crossing a dangerous line and the big, red, warning sign rattled in his brain but he couldn’t find it within himself to care. Nothing happened between them and just the thought of that night made him incredibly guilty, but that was the night when he realized that she had the right to know.
So, the next morning, when she was gone and the smell of her raspberry shampoo still invaded his senses, he wrote up his speech.
-
Boyle comes up to him about half an hour in, when he’s talking to an old buddy of his, Derek.
“So?”
“So, what?” he asks, taking a sip of his beer.
“So, have you talked to any ladies?” Jake sighs.
“I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with my romantic life.”
“I just don’t want you to be slow dancing alone at Boyle family dinners. Even Gina’s got somebody now.”
“You don’t have to keep inviting me to those.” he argues but Boyle shakes his head, looking offended.
“You’re like a brother to me, Jake.” he says. “And I want you to be happy. I know that after you and Sophia broke up, things were not really the best.”
“Yeah, my dad getting his mistress pregnant is not exactly light and breezy.” he says with a sigh. “And neither is having the woman you love tell you that she doesn’t want to marry you.”
“Yeah.” Boyle nods and then his face lights up. “Look! It’s Amy! Remember her? Maybe you should go talk to her.”
“Uh, why would I?” He shoots Boyle a confused look. “She’s married.”
“What? She-”
“There you are Charles!” Genevieve says, wrapping her arms around him and interrupting him in the middle of whatever he was going to say. Charles grins and Jake can’t help but smile at the elated look on his face. After a record breaking three seconds, they forget he’s there and they start talking to one another in baby voices. Derek, too, has now started speaking to his boyfriend.
But he can only take so much cloying romance and he makes some lame excuse and walks away. He doesn’t really have any place in mind to go and he walks to his locker, the same one he used his senior year. He tries the old password and is surprised when it doesn’t open.
“Yeah, they change those every year.” he hears a voice say behind him and he jumps but there she is, Amy. She’s standing a little farther from him, right outside of Mr. Fuller’s class, the one class they shared senior year. He’s thrown back to quips whispered between desks and secret smiles in the hallways.
Most importantly, that was the class where she met Teddy.
He clears his throat. “Hey, Amy.”
“Jake.” she says as a greeting and walks closer to him. She pauses a five feet away from him and clasps her hands together. “How have you been?” she asks.
“Good.” he says and nods slowly. He’s trying not to stare because-holy shit-- the pictures did not do her justice and because she looks just, if not, more, beautiful than the last time he saw her. “And you?”
“I’ve been okay.” she says. She sighs and looks around the hall. “Kind of crazy to be here again, right?”
“Yeah. I never thought I’d be back.”
“Yeah, I never thought I’d be back here without hearing your sneakers squeak around the hallway.”
He scoffs. “My sneakers were never that squeaky.”
“Uh, huh.” she rolls her eyes. “Sure.”
“What about you and your thirty binders that you always took everywhere.”
“Excuse me?” she asks. “Those binders got me the salutatorian spot.”
“Damn Cady Lowe” they saw at the same time.
“Jinx, you owe me a coke.” he says half-heartedly. Then, he asks the question of the century. “How’s Teddy?”
Amy stiffens and averts her eyes, staring at the peeling paint from the wall. Jake regrets asking, ruining the easygoing banter they had going on. He begins to apologize but then she looks at him and says, “I wouldn’t know.” Jake furrows his eyebrows, confused. “Jake, Teddy and I got divorced six years ago.”
If Terry would’ve come running towards him at full speed, punching him as hard as he could in his chest, it would not shock him as much as that little--okay, huge revelation.
He swallows harshly and says, “Cool, cool, cool, cool.” he shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”
“Know.” she finishes and shrugs. “It’s fine. A divorce is not something you exactly advertise, you know? Most of my family still asks me if we’re ever going to have kids.”
He chuckles and nods but what he really wants to do is ask her, “What happened? I thought you said he was everything and then some? I thought you loved him? Why did you leave me with my heart in my hand?”
Instead, he says, “Yeah, I get it.”
“How are things? I heard you got engaged.”
“Oh, yeah. That.” he shakes his head. “Nah, that’s been over for like a year now.”
“Oh.” she blinks rapidly. And then she does ask the million dollar question, “What happened?”
“She was a lawyer, I’m a cop. It turns out that you have to actually respect each other’s careers in order for the relationship to work.” He rolls his eyes lightheartedly, remembering the vicious fight that ended with him sleeping at Boyle’s and with him arriving the next morning to an empty apartment, a note, and his mother’s ring sparkling from inside its velvet box.
Amy winces. “Yikes.”
“Yeah, my mistake for dating a lawyer.” he says. “So, what are you doing? Still teaching art at that elementary school?”
She hesitates. “Actually, no. I’m actually a sergeant. A police one, I mean.”
“Oh, wow.”
“Yeah, my dad convinced me to do it.”
“Noice. I’m proud of you.” She smiles in that self-assured way she always did and Jake finds himself smiling back.
“Thanks, I’m proud of you, too. I mean, dating a lawyer that must’ve not been easy.”
“It was not. It was like living with Gruber.” she winces. “Exactly.” He swallows thickly and then asks, “Why didn’t it work out with you and Teddy?”
She hesitates, tucking her hair behind her ears as she licks her lips. “I-I guess there was a lot a things wrong with our relationship.”
“Meaning?”
“Well, for starters, he didn’t want kids and I did, or well, I mean, I do. Still.” she stumbles over words a little. “And going into it, I kinda hoped he’d change his mind but he didn’t.” she shrugs. “And then one day, things just weren’t okay anymore and we realized that we were better off separate.”
“Was it just that?” he asks and Amy narrows her eyes.
“Yes.” He nods slowly. Amy swallows dryly and sighs. “Jake, that night-”
“Look, I’d really rather not talk about it.” he says. “I mean, it was ten years ago. A really long time ago and well, I’ve moved on.” he says, not really meaning it because, God, he really doesn’t want to be turned down for a second time.
Amy nods slowly, watching him with wide eyes. She looks away and blinks rapidly. When she looks at him again, her face is composed and her mouth is a thin line.
“Yes, you’re right.” she begins. “Things between us are behind us now.”
“Exactly.” he say easily, but the words burn as they leave his mouth. “Anyway, I should go. Boyle is probably looking for me. It was great seeing you Amy.” he says softly and she smiles a watery smile and nods. Jake allows himself one last full stare and then he turns and starts walking back towards the party.
And he leaves her there, staring after him.
-
He finds Rosa pretty easily, even as she lurks in the shadows.
“Hey, where’d you go?”
“Huh?” he asks, his mind still reeling from that revelation. “Uh, nowhere.”
“..Okay. You’re acting weird. Tell me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me Amy was divorced?” he asks.
“Ah, so you found out, huh?” Rosa shrugs. “She told us not tell anyone.”
“Huh, well now I know.” he sighs and shakes his head. “It’s so crazy to think that Teddy and she didn’t work out, they were always so, like-”
“They never fought.”
“Exactly.” Jake says, snapping his fingers.
“No, Jake. That’s not good. There was no push or pull between them, it was just-” she shrugs. “Easy. Boring.”
Jake’s head cocks in confusion. Rosa sighs.
“It’s like with you and Sophia, when something bothered you, you told her.”
“That ruined our relationship.”
“Exactly. You realized that you two weren’t right for one another. What if you never told her what you thought and you actually went forward with the marriage? What if instead of talking it out, you bottled everything in and didn’t fight?”
At his look, she nods. “Told ya.” she nods towards Amy, who once again walks into the cafeteria. “You still into her?”
“No.” he says automatically. She glances at him from the corner of her eye and Jake swallows thickly, looking away from Amy. “It’s been ten years.”
“Yeah, and?”
“And, so many things have changed. I’ve changed, she’s changed. Just-” he shakes his head. “No.”
“We’re not in high school anymore, Jake. Now, when you want someone you just tell them you straight out that you want to bang.”
“I don’t want to bang Amy.” he exclaims, getting some looks from around him.
“Look, just admit that you still like her, no biggie.”
“I don’t-“he begins but Rosa raises her eyebrows. “Okay, fine. I still like her, okay?”
“Good.” She signals at Amy with her chin. “Tell her before its too late, okay?” she pats his shoulder. “If not, you’re going to be regretting it for the rest of your life.”
He’s thrown back to all those days they spent together in high school. The way he would pull on her ponytail as they walked down the hallway, the way her cheeks would dimple when she would get the right answer and the way her eyes dazzled. Charles told him that he thought he liked her and he had rolled his eyes, because, no, he didn’t. But, two months later, when she won class president and he saw how happy, how elated she was and his heart warmed inside his chest.
And, yes, he realized that maybe Boyle was right and he did like Amy.
But, then, she met Teddy and he realized that maybe he was a smidge too late.
-
Jake realizes half-way through the reunion that sometimes thing never change. He still doesn’t like the taste of pickles, he still doesn’t understand Rosa and Gina’s relationship and finally, he’s still very much in love with Amy Santiago.
It starts with him running into Kylie on his way back from the restroom.
“Oh, hello.” He says in surprise as he bumps into her in the hall. Kylie is about a foot shorter than him with caramel skin and a nose dusted with freckles. “Nice running into you here?”
“At our reunion?” she says sarcastically. Oh, yeah. He’d forgotten that she never liked him, at all. But then again, surly Kylie didn’t like anyone. Her friendship with Amy still confused him.
“Um, yeah. I thought you were working in France or something.”
“You been stalking me or what?”
“No. You wish.” He says in a joking manner but her mouth remains a straight line, green eyes unimpressed and cold. He coughs awkwardly. “Anyway, I should go.” He tries to go around her and runs straight into Amy, who is looking for her friend.
“Oops.” Amy says and jumps a little as their bodies collide. She smiles awkwardly and clasps her hands together. “Nice running into you here.” She says, repeating his words to Kylie.
“Yeah, small school.” She half chuckles but her expression grows a little serious when Kylie stands next to her elbow. “Anyway, I should go.” Amy nods and moves a little to the side.
“Actually, you mind keeping Amy company?” Kylie asks, her face not betraying one emotion. “I’m leaving and since you were…’buddies’ in high school.” She air quotes.
“No, it’s fine. I should actually get ready for my speech.”
“You’re giving a speech?”
“Yes, a salutatorian speech.” She looks proud, her back straight and her cheeks dimpling.
“Noice.”
“You still say that?” Amy asks, not unkindly.
“Yeah, I thought we left that in the nineties.” Kylie add, not kindly. Jake half glares at her. “So, you in or not?”
“Yeah.” He nods. A night hanging out with Amy? Feels like old times.
Later, when the light shines from above on her as she does her speech, Jake’s heart grows, like that time she won class president. Or like that time she got into Columbia.
Or any time he’s felt proud of her actually.
Then, as she smiles down at everyone, he realizes that perhaps he doesn’t just like her like he told Rosa, that perhaps, maybe, he’s still full on in love with her.
-
The next morning, the day of her wedding, he tugged nervously at his tie as he waited until every one of her bridesmaids left. Afterwards, when he was sure that she was alone, he slowly made his way in. When he closed the door after him, he lost his breath, leaning against the door for a few moments because she looked glorious.
Her skin glowed in contrast to the white dress, her hair fell in loose ringlets around her face. Her eyes widened as she gazed at him.
“Jake! What are you doing here?”
“I-” he was speechless. “You look…” Amy smiles shyly.
“Thanks.”
“I-You’re welcome.” And then he just sands against the wall and stares at her, at a loss for words.
“Were you here to wish me good luck?”
“No. Quite the opposite really.” She furrows her eyebrows and Jake steps forward, grabbing her hands in his. Amy’s face drains white, as if she knows what he’s going to say.
“Jake-”
“I’m in love with you.” He says easily. Amy lip quivers as her eyes flood with tears. “I’ve loved you for so many years. I think, I’ve loved you my whole life, even, as crazy as it sounds, before I even met you. I think you and I were made to be together.”
“Jake-” she starts again.
“Last night you told me you didn’t want to marry him; last night I realized that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Run away with me. Just leave this wedding and let’s you and I run away together; anywhere, everywhere. I’ll go the end of the world with you.”
There’s a beat of silence and Amy shakes her head. “I can’t.” she say hoarsely. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Amy, last night you told me-”
“It was cold feet. That’s all.” she replies.
“Amy, don’t go through with this if you don’t love him. None of both deserve that and-”
‘I do love him and I am going to marry him.” she insists, tears dripping down her face. “I’m sorry but last night-” she pauses. “You’re my bestfriend and I do love you but not like...”
”Teddy.” he finishes.
She squeezes his hands and drops them. Someone knocks on the door, calling out her name.
“Coming.” Amy calls and she stares at him for a few seconds. “I can’t.” she says again. She starts to walk around him, Jake’s still standing there, eyes swimming with tears and then she stops, leans up and kisses his cheek. “I’m so sorry.” she says in his ear.
-
They hang together for the rest of the night and Boyle even gives him a not-so-subtle thumbs up. It’s not as awkward as he thought it was going to be and they talk easily. It’s so familiar that it makes his chest hurt. After they’re done watching Gina take down Isaac in a dance contest, she turns to him and says, “Do you think we can talk?”
He hesitates, but nods because she looks sincere.
“I think we should talk about my wedding day.” She says quickly.
“I don’t think we should.” He shakes his head.
“Please. I think it’d do us both some good to talk about It.” she asks but he sighs. “Look, Jake, when you told me-“
“I should go.” He says, because this conversation is not one he wants to have.
“Jake-“she pleads, grabbing onto his arm. He wrestles it away from her and shakes his head.
“I need to go.” He insists. Amy’s watching him with wide tear-filled eyes, her hand still outreaching and frozen. He clears his throat. “It was nice running into you. I-I hope you have a good life.” He doesn’t mean it harshly, he really does hope she finds what she’s looking for, even if it isn’t with him.
Amy nods. He clears his throat and turns, walking right out of the party. As he walks to his car, he tries to clear his mind off of every time. He tries to bleach out all memories of the night spent here.
As he unlocks his car, he hears the sounds of heels clacking behind him and he turns. It’s Amy, illuminated by the moonlight, her skin drowns in it. Jake freezes and Amy continues walking towards him.
“I should’ve run away with you.” she says. “I should’ve run away with you.” she repeats hoarsely. Tears drip down her face as she begins to speak. “I should’ve run away with you that night. My bags were packed, the hotel was booked, and I mean, I already lov-“she swallows thickly and stops talking. Jake’s heart beats at the base of his throat, it takes everything in him to not faint or maybe scream.
“I’m sorry.” She begins hoarsely. “I never should’ve married him. I should’ve left with you.” She shakes her head and wipes a stray tear that runs down her cheek. “There were many reasons as to why my relationship with Teddy didn’t work, but the biggest one was you.”
Her hands shake as she speaks, her mascara dripping down her cheeks in even streaks. But she stills looks beautiful, like if she had just floated down from heaven. Meanwhile, all Jake can do is stare, like she did ten years ago, when he confessed the same thing to her.
“But, I did marry him. I thought maybe it was just cold feet and I didn’t really love you-“this time she does say it and Jake let’s out a gust of air he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “that it was a farce. Except, you were always in the back of my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder what our life would’ve been like if I had left with you that night.” She pauses.
Jake swallows thickly and shakenly says, “And then?”
“I felt so guilty about everything so I told Teddy everything, about your confession, about me telling you I didn’t want to leave with you. I didn’t tell him that maybe I felt the same way. I tried to keep it a secret. He was understanding and I was thankful. I really tried to work things out but then, he started talking about having a baby and I-“she shakes her head. “I didn’t want to. I was barely starting out my career and I-I guess I-“
“You’re the one who didn’t want to have a baby.” He says slowly and she nods guiltily.
“Yes, but he kept insisting and we had this ugly fight where we both said things we regretted, but ultimately, we realized that we could never go back from that.” She swallows thickly. “By the time the divorce was finalized, I had made my mind up. I would go to you, if you would have me but by that time, you were dating Sophia. And honestly, how painfully ironic would it be if it was me the one who went running to you this time. So, I stayed away.” she finishes.
“And here we are now.” He says hoarsely. She nods. Jake blinks rapidly, trying to keep the tears at bay. She’s still watching him, still just two steps away and when their eyes meet, she rushes forward and presses their lips together.
It’s not a picture perfect kiss, their teeth clack together and he’s unready so he drops his phone, probably resulting in it breaking into a million pieces but honestly, it’s perfect enough for him. He also drops his keys on the floor, settling his empty hands on her hips. So they kiss in the moonlight, like they were supposed to so many years ago.
Like that time in the tenth grade when the bottle landed on Amy and they were locked in the closet but instead of kissing, they talked for all seven minutes. Like, when his dad left for the third time and she came over and they talked for hours.
Like, ten years ago when he walked into her bridal room and lost his breath at the sight of her in white, of him laying his heart in her hands, like a glittering diamond.
Like, every single day that they’ve ever been together.
She pulls away and watches him with dark, heavy eyes.
“Want me to get something to eat?” he finds himself asking and she cracks a grin. “You’re paying, though. You still owe me a coke from before.” She nods and he kisses her again, just because he can.
And because he wants to.
He has nearly twenty years to make up for.