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His fist connected with the bag, sending it flying away for him before it swung back. Lloyd dodged to the left, pivoting as he drilled the same manoeuvres over and over. Sweat beaded on his forehead and he blinked it out of his vison.
The only sound in the room was the whistling of the wind and his hands connecting with the bag. It was dark outside; he didn't know what time. But there was no point in sleeping, not with the dreams. And even if he retired, the wind tonight was loud; he probably wouldn't manage to fall asleep.
So he trained. Over and over, repeating the monotonous manoeuvres as he reminded himself that his body was still his own. That he wasn't here. A particularly violent gust caused Lloyd to lose his balance, the Bounty swaying in the gale, memories that he didn't want to remember trying to force themselves forwards.
Stumbling before regaining his footing, he turned and just barely ducked under the bag, focus lost. His power coiled under his skin, body trembling from the adrenaline coursing through him, goosebumps littering his skin. Perpetually cold ever since he was rescued, even constant movement would not warm him.
He paused, stepping back and waiting, panting slightly. Lloyd frowned; he knew he was still recovering, but even this level of training shouldn't take this much out of him. Squeezing his eyes shut, he fought off the wave of exhaustion before taking place again.
Raising his arms, he changed technique. Launching kicks at the bag with renewed vigour, trying to drown out the sounds of the wind. Twirling sideways, he spun round the bag, catching it with a right cross as it ricocheted off his previous attacks.
"Lloyd?"
A voice called from someone out towards the hallway. Footsteps approached but he remained focus on the bag, keeping time and staying light on his feet. A smear of red caught his vision, leaning in the doorway. Kai. Lloyd ignored him, if he wanted something, he was gonna have to ask.
The red ninja walked a few steps into the room, before still his arms and simply watching. They remained like that for a few moments, the green ninja attacking the punching bad, exhaustion making him sloppy, and his brother watching silently.
Lloyd paused, glancing at Kai out of the corner of his eye. What did he want. It was late, everyone had been heading to bed when Lloyd slipped down here, hoping that no one would notice. He had been wrong.
Bringing his routine to a halt, not nearly as out of breath this time, he turned to face Kai fully. He stood tall, not quite eye level with the other boy, trying to hide the tremble in his frame.
"What'cha doing bud?" Lloyd couldn't quite read his tone.
"Training."
"I know that" Lloyd picked up his water, taking a swig. Kai crossed his arms, "It's late."
"I know."
"Are you alright? This isn't how you normally spend your evenings."
"I'm fine." He turned back to the bag, hoping Kai would drop it.
"Lloyd," the master of fire pressed gently, still not moving from his spot, "It's midnight. You're still not fully recovered and—"
Lloyd cut him off, "Zane cleared me to train."
"Yeah, with the rest of us." Kai sighed. "Not alone at midnight after barely stopping all day."
Lloyd didn't respond to that. Kai was right, but he couldn't stop, no more than he could sleep. If he stopped, what was to say he wouldn't come back. Tightness grew in his chest, power responding as if sensing his turmoil.
"Lloyd, tell me what's going on," he could tell Kai was losing his patience. Tone firm and unyielding. But his words also had an edge that Lloyd didn't want to think about – worry.
"I'm fine Kai," Lloyd rolled his eyes as he turned again, hoping his smile was convincing enough, that Kai would just leave him be. His heart panged. He didn't want to be alone either.
"Yeah. That's why you're trying to kill that bag at midnight while looking like you might pass out." Kai deadpanned.
Lloyd fought back a flinch. He needed to get out of this conversation. Pressure was still building behind his ribs, why – he wasn't quite sure. He laughed, eyes flicking away, hoping he wouldn't notice the strain in his voice.
"C'mon Kai, I'm fi—"
"Lloyd, I swear to god if you tell me you're fine one more time—" Kai interrupted, taking one single step forwards. His face twisted slightly, worry creasing his normally flagrant attitude. "I know you're—we all know you're lying! We've been ignoring it, giving you space. But I don't know what to do."
Kai raised a hand to his hair, running it anxiously through his fingers. Lloyd's heart started to pound. The red ninja paced back and forth slightly, words pouring out of him. "You have to talk to us—Lloyd, kiddo, you're scaring me. What you're doing—it isn't normal. Did you think we hadn't noticed? You never stop!"
He gave Lloyd a pleading look, "I-I don't know how to help you, and we all know you're not okay, so why won't you let me!"
Something inside Lloyd snapped. The tightly coiled string that wound itself up ever since the battle in Stiix finally unable to take the pressure.
"What do you want me to say Kai?!" The smaller boy walked up to him. The red ninja took one step back, surprise flickering across his features. "What do you want me to say? That I can't sleep? That every gust of wind makes me panic? That I can't even look at you all, knowing what I did?"
His hands were shaking, balled into fists as his mouth ran and ran, unable to stop now it had begun. His chest heaved as he continued, "Do you want to hear about how sometimes it's like he's still here? That I'm scared of my own reflection! How I blame myself for everything that happened—how it's all my fault! My father is gone; I-I failed. Everything that happened is because of me!"
Lloyd began to pace, trembling extending to his whole body as everything in his head poured out at once. "I-I hurt you all, me! Ninjago's great protector." He laughed bitterly, no humour in his voice, "I couldn't fight him. He was too strong—o-or maybe I was too weak. It doesn't matter. What matters is it's all my fault."
Kai stared at him, unable to comprehend what was pouring from his mouth. Lloyd's eyes burned, tears beginning to pour down his cheeks, but he barely registered the sensation.
"Of course I'm not fucking okay Kai," He faltered, breath hitching as his voice broke, "But-but I-I don't—I can't—I"
He leant back against the wall, all the fight draining out of him leaving only exhaustion from weeks of pretending. Breathing faster, he tried again, "I can't stop. I can't think about it because there is nothing I can do—nothing I could have done." He stared up at Kai through blurry eyes, "I was powerless Kai, he had me in moments. It didn't matter what I did—how hard I fought—it wasn't enough."
Lloyd brought a shaking had to his mouth, tears flooding down his face as he sank slowly down the wall. He breathed, hitching sobs flooding out of his mouth. Kai remained motionless for a second, before crossing the distance between them in a few strides and sinking down to the floor.
He gathered the small boy in his arms, pulling him close, rocking slightly and hushing his cries. Lloyd grabbed weakly at his red Gi, clinging to him, terrified that if he let go, he would vanish. The force of his sobbing shook his entire body. Kai held his close, strong and still as he wept.
It was like a gaping wound had opened, pouring outwards from Lloyd. He couldn't make it stop. The wind blew stronger outside, and this time Lloyd couldn't hide his flinch, small whimper escaping his mouth. Kai rubbed a hand up his back as his breathing quickened, coming in harsh gasps as his mind spiralled to depth he didn't want to go, tethers lost now that he had begun.
"Lloyd—buddy," Kai's voice was gentle, unshaking, "Kiddo I need you to breathe. Come on, breathe with me."
He began to take exaggerated inhales, chest pushing against Lloyds too thin frame. The smaller boy shook his head, unable to match the breaths. He cried harder, weeks of hiding pouring out of him.
"Shhh—it's okay. You're okay, take a deep breath for me."
Lung's stuttering, he inhaled, trying to match Kai. His breaths were so big, seeming impossible as Lloyd coughed wetly, dissolving back into gasps. He tried again, wrestling a deep breath, then another before he lost the rhythm.
"That's it, that's it," Kai encouraged, continuing to take his own slow breaths, "Just like that. It's alright."
There they stayed, huddled on the training room floor. Lloyd slowly pulled back control, losing the pattern and having to start over several times. Eventually, he could pull air into his lungs, face buried in the wet patch spreading over the shoulder of Kai's hoodie.
Arms still wrapped around Lloyd, Kai shifted, twisting them and pulling Lloyd more firmly into his lap, never letting go. The blonde closed his eyes, tears still leaking out as he rested his head on Kai's chest, listening to the slow thumping of his heart. A hand wound its way into his hair, gently combing through the locks.
"S-sorry."
Kai didn't reply for a moment, just continuing to rub circles on Lloyd's back, "Nothing to be sorry for."
"Look at me—sitting here sobbing like a little kid," Lloyd pulled back slightly, exhaustion weighing heavily as he met Kai's gaze. The ninja only hummed, as if considering his words.
"I—where do I start," Kai sighed gently, "Lloyd I'd rather you fell apart and cried all over me than pretended you were fine."
That surprised him. He hadn't thought the others had really noticed beyond making sure he was physically recovered, not until what Kai had said.
"But, but I'm the green ninja. I'm supposed to be the leader, to be stronger—better." Lloyd looked down at his hands.
"You're also what, like ten?" Kai chuckled lightly, "None of us are expecting you to be okay. Hell, if what happened to you happened to me—I don't think I could have held out so long."
Lloyd rubbed at one of his eyes, tears ceasing for now. He shook slightly, cold permeating every inch of his body. Warmth spread next to him, and he started slightly, looking up to see Kai smiling gently. Master of fire, heating his body, dirty trick. Lloyd snuggled closer all the same.
"I just, I don't know what to do." His voice was small, and he looked out across the room, not wanting to meet Kai's eyes. "It-It feels like he's still here sometimes. Like I'm not really me at all."
"He's not," Lloyd wished he could believe it. "Even if he was, I won't let him near you again."
Silence fell, both of them considering their words, both understanding they had been powerless to stop it. If his dad was here, there would probably be some wisdom, some lesson to impart for this situation. And from what little he had got to know about Garmadon, it could be anything from Wu level cryptic wisdom, to some random anecdote about fish. Really, his father had been odd.
A small smile flashed across his face, before falling. Right, he wasn't here. Yet another person Lloyd had been powerless to save. He sagged into Kai, eyes prickling with fresh tears. He was so tired, eyes lulling closed, just for a moment before snapping open.
"What do you say we go and watch a movie?" Kai suggested.
Lloyd nodded gently. Kai stood, reaching down and practically dragging Lloyd to his feet. He swayed, before opening his eyes and letting out a grunt as Kai threw an arm over his shoulders. Guiding him from the room, Lloyd leant into him.
They reached the living room, pushing open the rickety door. Kai pushed him on to the sofa. He turned, vanishing from Lloyd's vision for a moment.
"Aarggh!" Lloyd shriek quietly as several blankets were dumped unceremoniously over his head. Burrowing out from under them, he threw a glare at Kai, knowing full well his messy hair was not helping sell his indignation.
Kai snorted before flopping down beside him and arranging the blankets over both of them. He turned on the TV, finding one of the many Starfarer films Lloyd loved just as much as the comics.
Tucking his skinny frame against him, they turned their attention to the TV. Lloyd sank against Kai, soft sigh escaping his lips. His chest hurt, physically from crying but also inside. It wasn't a wound that would heal any time soon. The title music began to play, and his tired eyes slipped further closed. Lloyd fought to keep them open, but Kai's warmth and the way he was held dragged him under before the opening credits even finished.